I decided to look at the news when I got down to the living room to see just what was going on... and when I did, I gawked at how the army had soldiers protecting the lot and that they were saying that the new Taco Bell was going to be a large one... despite the fact that the UFO was in plain view. Cartman then busted down my door with worry... only to be surprised by my two new bunny friends.
"Whoa! What the hell is going on here?" Cartman asked as I shushed him.
"they are... friends. friends that were escapees of this," I said as I pointed to the UFO that was on the TV, having paused it to show it off.
"Wait... that's a real UFO? I thought that was an attraction in progress at the new Taco Bell... at least, that's what the news is saying at least," Cartman said, me smacking my face at that. "But no time for that! The elves took the stick last night! They fuckin' cheated! And if we're going to get it back, we're gonna cheat too! Go to the school and try to recruit the faction of goths. Their skills will be of use to us," Cartman said, him about to leave before I stopped him.
"wait," I said, getting him to stop. "don't tell any cops or soldiers about my bunny friends, okay? i'm sure they'll not be happy to learn that aliens are here, no matter how cute they look," I said, him nodding.
"Very well... but then how will they walk around the town?" Cartman asked. I looked at the bunny sisters and they simply hid themselves inside of my coat, me smiling at how they were small enough to just make me look a tad more chunky.
"There's your answer, mister," Rabby smiled.
"Okay, good luck, Felicia, we're counting on you," Cartman said as I then exited the house and saw that Butters and Kenny were waiting for me, us then going towards the west to find out where the goths were at, since Cartman said they were at the school.
"Hey, we heard that there's a cool Taco Bell comin' to town! Isn't that neat?" Butters asked with a smile.
"More that it's a UFO and they're trying to cover it up," Geo said as she appeared from my shirt, which spooked Butters.
"W-Whoa... she's uh... s-so... cute..." Butters smiled widely, Geo blushing at that on her furry face.
"Thanks..." she said as I also noted that Butters was blushing as well.
"i think i see love in the air," I smiled, the duo blushing even further as we then finally arrived at the school... and I then thought about the goths... and it was then that I remembered one more thing... I used to be goth! And it was during my time running from Commander Eyepatch! And I still knew how to talk and act like one...
"i'm going to meet with them on my own... butters, you and kenny wait here for now. i know how to speak the goth language," I said, them being confused, but not disobeying me. I went to the back of the school and heard the gothic music appear, it being the contemporary grunge music that was good to listen to if you wanted to brood. And I also saw that there were four different goths. One a girl, three boys, and one of the boys was very tiny, probably five at the most.
"hey..." I said with a frown, the goths looking at me in confusion.
"Yeah? What do you want?" the one with the poofy hair asked.
"wanted to know if you could help with something... i need help with two things... yeah," I frowned in my uncaring manner, which made them look at me in confusion.
"Hmm... you speak goth, but you certainly don't look it. What's your deal?" the female asked.
"i used to be one... but then, the government happened... they went after me so much, i had to get my memories hidden from me, and my own name... so yeah, i am still one, but i don't remember much from age 9 to 13," I admitted, the group looking at me in surprise.
"Whoa... that's pretty sucky... so why tell us this?" the red-head boy asked.
"i need assistance... for two things. one, i need to find out what the hell is going on in that 'taco bell' that is actually a government cover-up of a ufo. and said ufo had aliens on it that i rescued from evil ones... and these two here are a couple of them," I said as the two rabbit girls poked their heads out of my shirt and the little goth looked at them in surprise.
"Oh my god, they look so cute!... u-uh... i mean... so conformist?... eh..." he said, me smirking at how he sounded cute as well.
"he's uh... still learning," the girl said.
"It's okay, we understand," Geo smiled as they then hid themselves in my coat again.
"and second, i need to ask for help to appease my non-goth friends. they need help procuring a very powerful artifact called the stick of truth from a rival gang. whoever controls it controls the universe... so, yeah, a stupid game, but i want your help regardless..." I said, that making the poofy-haired one frown.
"That sounds like a conformist thing," he said, me sighing at that.
"being goth doesn't mean being rude to anyone that isn't a goth... that's why i had so many facebook friends... you know, before i needed my history wiped. you may know my username on there. doomahkiin666," I said, that making the group gawk at that.
"doomahkiin666?... Isn't that the name of the most friended goth in history?... You're a legend among us..." the girl gawked.
"Fine, we'll help you, but before that, we need to ask you for a favor," the one with the poofy hair said as he gave me a sign that said "fuck the conformists" on it. "I need you to take this sign to the PTA meeting at the community center next door. Take a photo as proof and we'll try to help out with your conformist friends," he said, me nodding at him, but still frowning.
"thanks... so what are your names?" I asked them. They then introduced themselves as Michael (the poofy head), Firkle (the preschooler), Henrietta (the girl), and Pete Thelman (the one with red hair). I then got the sign and proceeded out of the school's backend to meet back up with Butters and Kenny, both of whom looked surprised at me holding the sign.
"What's with the sign?" Kenny asked.
"the goths said that they'd only join us if we can get a photo of me holding this sign in the PTA meeting at the community center... and i also remembered that i am a goth... or at least, before i got my history wiped," I frowned.
"I see... well, let's get going, then!" Butters smiled as we then walked over to the center and we saw that the adults in there looked to be in a clamor as I held the sign in person with no one noticing it.
"Everyone calm down! One at a time, please!" said the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, Kyle's mom. Of course she'd be in the PTA meeting, since she was a major role in the war of South Park versus Canada.
"Why would they be using the military to be protecting production of a Taco Bell?" asked one of the parents, it being Kenny's dad.
"And what kind of specials will they have? Will they have the locos tacos?" asked another, it being Mrs Marsh, who sat next to Randy, who I then looked at and he instantly recognized me.
"Uh, I have an answer for this!" Randy said, everyone looking at him. "What if it isn't a Taco Bell... but something else? My friend here knows too... go on, introduce yourself," Randy said as I then simply gave the sign to Butters and he looked at me in concern.
"hold it for me. i need a microphone," I said shyly as I went up to the podium with the other important people like the lankey teacher, Mister Garrison, and Kyle's mom. "Ahem... hello everyone... while I explain what's going on, I ask that you not only turn off all phones and recording devices, but also keep what I tell you a secret... the reason is because the military ruined my life and I don't need them to do so again... agreed on all fronts?" I asked, everyone then simply taking their phones and turning them off.
"Okay... as for what the issue is, as you can clearly see in the photos as well as on the television, this new Taco Bell has a large disc-shaped protrusion jutting out from it. If it wasn't obvious, the object is an alien spaceship. A UFO," I said, the others looking at me in annoyance as if they didn't believe me. "And if you don't believe me? Here's proof," I said as I then pulled out Rabby and Geo, the crowd gawking and some gasping when they saw the duo of rabbit girls... and some looked even more shocked when Bubbles had a satellite appear from my ear, which made Butters gawk.
"Whoa... looks like what happened to Cartman a long time ago!" Butters gawked.
"Randy and I were on this spaceship last night and we rescued a few kidnapped aliens and South Park residents. I ended up crashing the ship into the mall in the process, which is what prompted the military to arrive and do damage control... so now we have one thing to ask. Why are they trying to cover this up -very poorly, I might add- and lying about it being a Taco Bell? We need to find out what's going on inside of there without getting killed," I said, the crowd looking surprised at me saying that.
"Um... this is a bit too much for me... you're saying that there are now aliens among us and that the military are here to prevent people from knowing about it?" Sharon Marsh asked, me nodding.
"Which is why it needs to be kept absolutely secret. Don't tell your friends, don't tell the media, and CERTAINLY don't tell any police or government officials. We all know how the government are towards anything relating to aliens... no matter how adorable and nice they are," I said while petting the ears of my bunny girl friends, them looking to be nervous at the tons of people around them, but me petting them making them at ease.
"O-Okay... but then how do we find out? The military have constant guard over that place, after all!" Mister Garrison asked with concern.
"I think I can help you out there... but I'm going to need to train my friend first," Randy said, Sharon looking at him in concern.
"Randy, don't do anything you might regret," Sharon warned, him smiling at her as Kyle's mom then decided to do something else.
"We will meet here again starting at 3 PM. For now, the meeting is adjourned," she said, the others then leaving the place as Randy led me into the restroom and I looked at him with seriousness.
"i know what you wish to train me in, Randy... the power of the fart, right?" I asked, him nodding.
"I'd heard stories from my son. He said you let out an amazing fart called the Banshee Scream. I want to show you a new technique, one that only I have mastered," he said as he then placed me by the sinks and I watched. "Okay... first, grab a small amount of air from your ass... then," he said before then whispering something into the gas cloud... and then, he forced the gassy air to fly to the other side of the room... and I gawked at what happened next. "whisper a few words..." came out of the gas cloud!
"That, my dear friend, is the Sneaky Speaker. Now you try," he said, me then proceeding to try and focus, pulling out a small amount of gas from my butt, whispering a few words into it... and then, blowing it behind Randy.
"Do you like fish sticks?" the voice asked, that making him smirk.
"Yes, I do," he smiled at me. I then did the same exact thing and blew it behind him.
"You're a gay fish!" I had the cloud of gas speak, him chuckling at that.
"Classic! Okay, you're ready, now, quiet warrior. Go and find out what they plan on doing and use this power responsibly. And never ever fart on another man's balls," he said, me nodding at him.
"i already took the oath," I smiled at him as I then left and proceeded to meet up with the others in the group.
"So... should we go ahead and take the photo now or..." Butters asked as I shook my head no.
"randy? i want to take a photo of me holding this sign here, but i want to see what's going on in that 'taco bell' first. you can look after it, right?" I asked him.
"Yes I can," he smirked, me then motioning our trio out of the place after the bunny girls hopped back into my shirt... and just as we left the building, we got jumped by at least 10 different elves!
"You, new kid! You're coming with us! The elf king demands an audience with you! You cannot refuse!" the one elf said, me looking at them and then at Butters and Kenny.
"butters, kenny, you wait for me at the keep... don't tell the wizard king about what's going on, okay?" I asked, them looking at me in concern, but nodding all the same.
"Don't fall to the dark side," Butters said as the elves then led me to the kingdom of the Drow Elves... which, believe it or not, was at Kyle's house, with his dad shoveling snow outside. And once we were inside, I was then led forward with them not even bothering to bind me up because of me being too tall.
"So, you're the new kid, huh? What's your name?" asked the voice of Kyle, who was dressed like an elf with his wool hat having deer antlers on it in the process.
"my name is felicia..." I said, me hoping that my bunny friends wouldn't be found out.
"And what's that in your shirt? Is that a weapon of some kind?" Kyle asked, me sighing in defeat. Dammit.
"i'll only tell you if you promise to not speak a word. all of you," I said.
"A promise to not talk of weapons?... um... sure?" Kyle asked. Geo then popped her head out of the neckhole on the right and Rabby did so on the left. And Kyle was so surprised that he actually fell on his ass.
"W-Whoa! W-What are those things?" Kyle asked.
"We're uh... aliens... from a planet over 399 light years away from this one," Geo said shyly, that making the elves gawk at that.
"Wait... so that Taco Bell thing on the news is a real spaceship?!" Kyle asked in shock.
"Um... yeah... I kinda wanted to keep my own secret as well," said none other than Stan Marsh, who revealed that he actually had a small critter hiding under his hat that looked a lot like it were a squid alien (though a very small one) and a duo of other aliens then appeared out of nowhere next to him, me gawking at how they were a bit amphibious and that they had the power to turn invisible.
"W-What's going on?!" asked another of the elves, that being the bard, who I saw had gotten a bit of bandaging to his crotch since my performance yesterday.
"My dad and this new girl got abducted by greys last night. You know, the ones that kidnapped your baby brother years ago?" Stan asked, that making Kyle gawk.
"You mean 3 years ago?" asked another elf.
"Shush! That isn't what I originally called you here for, Felicia," Kyle said as he approached me. "Let me guess, the fatass told you that we stole the stick last night? Breaking the rules?" he asked, me nodding.
"yes," I said bluntly.
"Well I can tell you that he's lying! We do not have the stick. He's just trying to get rid of us once and for all! He's actually hiding the stick in a secret area, which is against the rules. You need to decide which to believe, but just know that if you side with the fatass wizard, you're signing a deal with the devil," he said, me frowning at him. I still had to remember what Clyde texted me on Facebook. That he'd find a way to get revenge. It just gave me an idea.
"has it ever occurred to anyone that there may be a third wheel?... maybe someone that stole it to force both factions to fight, making them weaker so that they could grow their own army?" I asked, that making Kyle look at me in surprise.
"Wait, wait, wait, hold up! Are you saying that someone else might have stolen the stick? You know something we don't, bitch?" he asked, me simply picking the elf king up by his shirt collar and him trying to fuss about, but I simply looked him in the eyes.
"what i am implying, jew bastard, is that i know of only one person that might want to cause a distraction by stealing the fabled stick. and lucky me, i have him fooled into a fake alliance, despite everyone else in my kingdom banishing him from space and time," I said. And when I said that, it made Jimmy gasp.
"N-n-no way it could've been C-Clyde! Or is it?" he asked as I then looked at the elf king and simply put him down on his throne.
"he's the only one i can think of, since he said he would find some way to get revenge on the fatass wizard king. you're free to believe me or not, but i am going to get to the bottom of things. do not launch an attack until i find more information, got it?" I said, that making one of the elves look at me angrily.
"You can't order our king around! You're just a douchebag giantess!" he said angrily, but Kyle simply looked at me with a stern gaze.
"We will hold our attack until sunset tonight. If you do not have any evidence to present to both myself and king lardass, then we're not teaming up and we will initiate an attack, got it?" Kyle said, me nodding at that.
"As you wish," I said, me noting that it was now noon and I needed to get a bite to eat before continuing on.
"I'm going to go and get a meal... then I'm going to go and infiltrate this 'taco bell'... but whilst i do so, i'd like to ask you, stan marsh, to care for rabby and geo, my rabbit girl friends," I said, him looking at me in surprise.
"R-Really?" he asked, me nodding. Geo and Rabby then emerged from my shirt and hopped over to him as rabbits did, but the others looked at their small size with looks of either confusion or affection. And who could blame them? They were adorable.
"So... what species of alien are you two?" asked one of the camouflaging aliens.
"Bunnolians... we were abducted at ages 19 and 22, very young for our species for anything related to sex, like getting probed in the ass," Rabby said, that making Stan uncomfortable and me to giggle.
"have fun. hint, they like pets," I smiled as I then left them and proceeded to get to the nearest food joint, me knowing that it'd have to be either movie theatre food or stuff from Tweak coffee. And after learning that they infused meth in their coffee, I decided not to give them my business.
"Looks like I'm getting popcorn and soda for lunch... oh joy," I groaned as I then decided to do some digging. I needed to find out what was going on with Clyde, since he was still a Facebook friend, even if it were a private one.