Hey guys, welcome back to FWWR, and just in time for the Holidays!
It's been a while since I last updated, and I apologize for that. Life hasn't been very kind to me during the last few months and I've suffered a very complicated loss, plus I've been busy with a few non-Naruto commissions, so time has been scarce.
This chapter is LONG, and unfortunately (or not) Sasuke and Naruto's scenes took too much space so there is no time skip here. It will happen, however, in the next one for sure.
Anyway, I hope you guys like it!
Edited but not betaed, so forgive the typos you might find.
Please read the notes at the bottom for my comments on the chapter if you like ;)
On with the show!
From Which We'll Rise
Part XXXVI: The Lovers
"Fucking finally!" Naruto exclaimed with a loud huff as he and Sasuke exited the Hokage residence at the end of the day. He stretched his arms over his head with a long, pained moan because his back was killing him from sitting for so long and his neck was stiff from bending over files all day. His bones cracked loudly. "Ouch… I thought these damned meetings would never end! Freedom at last!"
After a week of meetings and debates, signing things, swearing oaths, and so on, he and Sasuke were finally off the hook. Well, Sasuke was off the hook, at least—Naruto would just have a couple of days off before his training started for good.
"You should get used to it," Sasuke said as he walked next to him down the street, looking at him sideways with an amused smirk. "If there is one thing we now know, it's that becoming Hokage means attending many meetings and taking care of a lot of paperwork."
"Meh, I thought it would be more exciting than that," Naruto confessed, lowering his arms and rolling his shoulders. "There's so much stuff to learn. I don't know how I'm going to memorize it all."
While Naruto felt happy and confident about becoming the future Hokage, he was aware of his intellectual limitations. Not that he considered himself dumb at all—it was just that cramming had never been his strong point.
"You'll always have Shikamaru with you," Sasuke reminded him calmly. "The guy is an information magnet."
"So are you," Naruto noted, looking at his friend.
Sasuke hummed softly. "Not really. I just have a natural predisposition to study, I guess," he said, with an elegant shrug. "I enjoy acquiring knowledge, which helps. Shikamaru, on the other hand, doesn't do much other than listen, and he still retains things easily. He's also the best man we have in terms of analyzing and strategizing, so I know you're in good hands."
Shoving his hands inside the pockets of his pants, Naruto bit down on his lower lip. "Heh, I guess you're right."
His tone gave away his feelings, and Sasuke picked up on it, as expected. "You don't need to look so crestfallen, Usuratonkachi," he said, punching Naruto's arm lightly. "I'll be with you every step of the way. Even when I'm not around, you can always contact me, and I'll get my ass back to Konoha as soon as possible."
"Yeah, I know," Naruto mumbled, with a lopsided smile that he didn't feel at all. "I just wish it was you in Shikamaru's position, I guess. I mean, I love the guy, but… well, you know."
"It's not like I could, even if I wanted to," Sasuke said plainly.
"Right."
It was true. Even if Sasuke was going to have a stronger political position than Shikamaru (which he had worked hard to earn), the council still thought that the Uchiha would be a lot more useful being Konoha's weapon outside the village than inside. He had proven that there was no one quite like him in terms of negotiating with other villages, and his ability to gather intel and spot external threats was unmatched. The number of new important and useful techniques Sasuke had procured for the village also helped.
Of course, Naruto would've preferred Sasuke to stay in the village. If he could, not only would he have chosen him to be in Shikamaru's position, but he would also have Sasuke be the head of ANBU so he could change the way they did things around there for the better instead of sacrificing their members.
Alas, Naruto had no say in any of this.
It was still frustrating to Naruto that now that he was accomplishing his lifelong dream, the one person he'd always wanted by his side could not take part in this full process with him. Regardless, he was happy that things were progressing and that Sasuke's value was finally being recognized the way it should be.
As the two made their way down the streets of Konoha side by side, the sun was just starting to set, announcing the end of the day. It was warm, and there was a nice breeze outside. The usual daily chaos of passersby, vendors, and people minding their own business was just beginning to settle, so the overall ambiance was peaceful.
They didn't have a particular direction as they simply walked aimlessly, keeping each other company, both knowing without words that they did not wish to part ways just yet.
Naruto was exhausted, both physically and mentally, because a lot of things had happened in a short time, and he didn't have the opportunity to stop and take them all in properly yet.
He felt overwhelmed and overstimulated, happy yet sad, confident yet lost, and in the middle of all of this, he was grateful to have Sasuke with him, even if the man was also to blame for his emotional imbalance.
"So, I guess you're leaving soon, then?" Naruto commented carefully despite knowing the answer.
"Yes, probably the day after tomorrow," Sasuke confirmed, with a sigh. "I have some things I need to purchase and others I need to get for the other village. But well, Kakashi expects me to carry out my next mission as soon as possible, so I can't linger anywhere for long, it seems."
"They do demand a lot out of you," Naruto muttered, feeling sorry for Sasuke. "I'm energetic by nature and can't even fathom doing all the things you do on your own."
"It's fine since I like to keep myself busy," Sasuke dismissed easily. Still, he smirked bitterly. "Kakashi may be right when he says I might use that as a coping mechanism for other things."
Naruto's eyebrows rose. "He said that?"
"Yeah, apparently he thinks I'm going to kill myself working just because I'm overcompensating for untreated mental issues," Sasuke explained, and while the words were sardonic, he was frowning slightly. "I felt attacked when he said this to me just a few days ago, to be honest. But I've always worked hard to surpass my mental blockages, by myself, and while it may not be the correct way to do it, it works for me. But well, working hard is not something I do with thoughts of self-destruction at all. It's simply that that's all I know."
Sasuke snorted, seeming a little exasperated at himself as he continued talking, apparently in a rather chatty mood, which was a pleasant surprise. "I don't know how to leave loose ends untied. I don't know how to start something and not see it through, and I don't know how to leave things unfinished. It's what I was brought up with and how I feel at peace. Even if it afflicts some people, I couldn't be any different if I tried. It's just the way it is."
Naruto watched his friend in silence for a while, feeling his heart tight with emotion and pride.
Sasuke had always been hard-working, and he knew it because it had been that fierce determination that had always moved him and pushed him forward.
Sasuke had always made possible things that seemed impossible, and he didn't yield to exhaustion or self-doubt. He was the kind of guy who'd rather die than go against his principles or ideals, and this was both impressive and terrifying about him, depending on what his priorities were, and yet, even if Naruto had felt very envious of him for so long, he had always been infuriatingly fascinated by his resilience.
Naruto could understand Kakashi's worry well since he'd also been given a similar lecture not that long ago. The only difference was that Naruto was very aware that he worked himself to the bone as a coping (and escaping) mechanism, and also because he wanted to reach his goals as soon as possible, keeping his eyes firmly on the prize.
Said prize was the man walking beside him, and time couldn't seem to go by fast enough. It never did.
Naruto couldn't explain it if he tried to, and by now he knew well not to burden Sasuke with his feelings and worries, but the truth was, there was a constant anxiety inside of him because Sasuke wasn't around.
But he knew life wasn't about what he felt or what he wanted. Sasuke was not his and not his responsibility, and he couldn't stick around even if he wanted to—which he didn't.
"Yeah, he kind of said the same thing to me," Naruto eventually confessed, looking straight ahead, feeling an odd sense of gloominess upsetting his heart. "We're similar in that, I guess. I can't seem to stay put for long when I know I have so much to do and nothing seems to come fast enough."
He could feel Sasuke eyeing him, his energy gentle and empathetic.
After a moment of pause, Sasuke huffed and reached out to ruffle the top of Naruto's head with affection. "Don't look so down, idiot," he said, and his voice was so gentle it tugged at Naruto's heartstrings, causing him to blush as warmth filled him at the touch. "Do you want to hang out more?"
Naruto shrugged with a pout, even if the suggestion brought him a sense of gratitude and relief. "Sure."
"Won't your wife be upset?"
"These days have been pretty hectic, so she already knows not to wait for me for anything," Naruto dismissed. He felt a little disappointed as Sasuke retrieved his hand, so he looked at him sideways. "Plus, you're here."
Sasuke chuckled. "Are we that predictable?" he asked, sounding amused. "Does she automatically assume we're going at it every chance possible just because I'm around?"
"I don't know; it's not like I tell her every detail of what we do when we're together," Naruto retorted, frowning at him.
"Maybe you should," Sasuke pointed out. He lowered his voice. "It can't be great to be at home with the kids thinking your husband and his lover are fucking like rabbits in some random corner."
Naruto knew Sasuke was just teasing him, but he wasn't exactly in the best of moods, so he merely rolled his eyes. "Nothing guarantees she won't believe that anyway, even if I tell her otherwise," he said. "It's not like we talk about that, Sasuke. Hinata thinks too highly of me, so she'd probably think I was lying to protect her feelings if I said you and I just talk… well, at least most of the time."
With one final glance at him, Sasuke shook his head but didn't comment. "Well, shall we go have dinner somewhere?"
"I'd rather we just get something and eat somewhere quiet," Naruto admitted because truth be told, he hadn't spent quality time alone with his best friend at all during those days (the last time they did, they had talked about sad things, in Naruto's perspective), and he could genuinely appreciate the company in a quiet environment where it was just the two of them.
He'd seen Sasuke every single day since he'd been there, and yet, he missed him. The week's events seemed like a blur and Naruto felt strangely morose and confused because he hadn't exactly had the time to work through anything.
Sasuke's revelation about wanting a relationship with some guy, the establishment of peace and understanding between them and Sakura, all the meetings and plans for his Hokage training…
To say that he was an emotional mess was an understatement.
"Well, that's fine by me," Sasuke agreed. "How about the training grounds? We could spar a bit, and I could show you the new Jutsu I learned."
Naruto instantly perked up at the suggestion. The training grounds usually emptied at the end of the day, so they would have some privacy. Plus, they hadn't sparred in ages, so the prospect was more than appealing.
"It's a date!" he exclaimed, his voice a little too loud from his sudden excitement, making Sasuke smile a little.
"I'll pay for the food; you pay for the drinks," his friend said in a non-negotiable way. "Take your time until we get there to process the fact that you'll get your ass whipped, future Hokage-sama."
Despite his mood, Naruto couldn't help but smile because Sasuke had picked up on it and was trying to poke him a little to cheer him up—he knew well that Naruto reveled in these little moments of bickering.
Making a face of fake distaste, he shoved Sasuke a little, playfully. "I'm the strongest Shinobi in the village, asshole. Show some respect, or I'll show you whose ass is getting whipped."
Sasuke all but laughed mockingly, and the sound was enough to lift Naruto's spirits just a little.
000
Because Sasuke knew Naruto loved it, they went to Ichiraku's to get some ramen to go. They then made their way to a small shop specializing in Sake and purchased a couple of bottles, and by the time they reached the training grounds, night had already fallen.
The place was deserted, as Naruto had guessed, so they filled up their canteens with fresh water in one of the fountains and chose a nice spot near the river and under a tree. Together, they found some logs and sticks, and Sasuke lit up a small fire so they could have enough light for dinner.
They sat the bags down near the tree trunk, Naruto removed his green vest, and Sasuke divested himself of his cloak. It wasn't exactly warm anymore, but because there was no breeze, they didn't feel cold.
"All right," Sasuke said, stretching his neck to one side, then the other, before glancing at Naruto. His expression was unreadable, but his visible eye sparkled faintly in the firelight. "Let's see if you've gotten rusty."
Naruto grinned. "Rusty? Please. I've been dying to kick your ass, bastard." He rolled his shoulders and bounced on his feet, already feeling the familiar buzz of adrenaline coursing through him.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Bold words for someone who's been sitting through meetings all week."
Without another word, Naruto launched himself forward. Sasuke sidestepped easily, grabbing the back of Naruto's sweater and using his momentum to fling him onto the ground.
"Too predictable," Sasuke said, his tone teasingly bored.
Naruto groaned, rolling onto his back to glare up at him. "That was just a warm-up!" He pushed himself to his feet and charged again, this time feinting to the right before aiming a punch at Sasuke's ribs.
This time, Sasuke blocked him, their arms locking together briefly. "Better," he admitted, the corner of his mouth quirking upward.
They quickly fell into a familiar rhythm—attacks and counters, punches and dodges, their movements in perfect synchronicity. The clearing echoed with the sound of their sparring, the occasional grunt or sharp exhale breaking the quiet of the night.
Naruto couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face throughout all of it. This was where he felt most alive—testing himself against Sasuke, as their breaths came as one, their bodies responding to each other in perfect harmony, their exhilaration equal. Their bond was strong and tangible and it burned like an all-consuming fire, coming to life like a phoenix rising from the ashes with every punch they exchanged.
"Getting tired already?" Sasuke taunted, catching Naruto's wrist at some point and twisting just enough to send him off balance.
"Not a chance!" Naruto twisted in midair, landing on his feet and immediately retaliating with a sweeping kick.
Sasuke jumped back, but Naruto followed, closing the gap between them. They grappled for control, their bodies pressed close as each tried to outmaneuver the other.
It was then that Naruto's hand slipped in his excessive excitement, and for a split second, their faces came so close their noses bumped as Sasuke instinctively reached out to help him by putting a hand on his shoulder and preventing them both from losing their front teeth. Once he succeeded, he froze, his breath brushing against Naruto's lips as their eyes locked.
Neither moved, breathing fast as the world around them seemed to pause, the firelight close by casting soft shadows over their features.
Naruto's heart thudded loudly in his chest, and he briefly saw the flicker of emotions dancing in Sasuke's gaze.
And then, as if drawn by an invisible force, Naruto closed the gap between them.
His lips brushed against Sasuke's, tentative at first, testing the waters because it felt like forever had gone by since they had last kissed, and for some reason, Naruto always wondered if this time would feel somewhat different or if it would be as comforting and familiar as always.
Sasuke didn't pull away. Instead, he pressed back eagerly, his lips firm and sure against Naruto's. The kiss was brief but charged, a silent exchange of a longing that they had that indicated how hard it had been for them both to keep their distance from each other all those days.
Naruto was relieved to feel that Sasuke's kiss still felt like home, always carrying the same incomparable, demanding hunger that could not be tamed.
His tongue still tasted the same, his body still emanated the same warmth.
Despite himself, Naruto released a small whimper of relief. Sasuke was still himself, and he hadn't changed for someone else, or because of someone else because their mutual desire was still there, and he could feel it pulsing in the Uchiha's veins as if it were his own.
They pulled apart at the same time, gasping for air as their eyes met again., and Naruto's cheeks flushed as he felt a very confusing surge of thoughts and feelings at the same time.
He wanted to do more, to take Sasuke and eat him up, but he also felt like he needed to let out all of his restless energy through their sparring, and all the while there was something inside of him that just wanted to be held by the man in front of him, curl up and cry.
Stop being stupid…
Sasuke frowned a little, somehow sensing the turmoil in Naruto's features. His perfect lips parted, and yet Naruto didn't let him speak, summoning up his biggest grin. "I took you off guard, so I won this round!"
Sasuke seemed a little surprised by his quick mood shift but played along by snorting softly, shaking his head as a faint smirk curved his lips. "In your dreams, Usuratonkachi."
Before Naruto could respond, Sasuke shoved him brusquely, effectively sending him sprawling onto the ground.
"Clumsy you. Get up," Sasuke said, his tone back to its usual teasing sharpness. "If you're done slacking, let's finish this."
Naruto shoved his weird feelings aside and grinned as he pushed himself back to his feet, his heart still racing. This was what he needed, for now. As long as they understood each other and conveyed themselves through their fists, it would be fine.
Naruto needed them to connect in this unique way that was theirs alone. "You're on!"
He'd be fine if they could just let it all out the way they knew better.
000
"Well, the Jutsu that Kamui guy taught you is pretty rad, I'll give you that," Naruto commented, breathing hard as his ass hit the dirt clumsily once they had settled their scores.
He felt exhausted yet invigorated, and he loved the erratic beating of his heart and enthused heat in his body from that delicious rush he could only get sparring with his best friend.
With a groan, he let himself fall backward so he was lying face up, arms and legs stretched out.
"Rad," Sasuke muttered sarcastically, contrastingly sitting down next to him with absolute grace and calm, close enough that if Naruto stretched his fingers, he could brush the fabric of his pants.
Naruto chuckled, shrugging to no one in particular. In moments like these, when it was just the two of them and nothing else seemed to exist, it did feel as though they were two halves of a single entity, souls intertwined and bodies simply existing, fueled by the same single force, and there were no boundaries, no fear, nothing to hide.
Just Sasuke and Naruto, with everything it meant, and without a single thing that gave it meaning at all.
Sparring with Sasuke always felt amazing. It was almost better than sex if sex with Sasuke didn't feel amazing, too.
Both were deeply bonding experiences for them—fulfilling, cleansing, and relieving, always a reminder and reestablishment of what they were together and how they felt for each other.
Naruto released a long sigh and looked up at the vast, starry night sky, feeling both whole yet utterly overwhelmed.
It was funny how he had always aimed for great things in his life in search of meaning and purpose, and yet when it came to Sasuke, all he ever wanted (and needed) were simple but meaningful moments like this. Even as a kid, he had been the happiest when the two of them trained together, bickered, shared meals, and napped side by side.
Even if they had cared for Team 7, there had always been something special in their moments alone together. The contrast between loud interactions and comfortable, intimate silence had always been special, sacred, and secret, and even though they didn't talk about it, they knew for a fact that they both enjoyed and appreciated it.
Sasuke had a stubborn, difficult personality, but he had always been a teammate, a companion, and a friend, not to mention all the times he had willingly put his life on the line for Naruto.
Even back then… How could Naruto ever simply choose to let go and forget about him?
And, even though so many things had changed and there were so many other things Naruto now wanted from Sasuke (not all of them pure or wholesome), the truth was, this delicate simplicity still brought him the most bliss.
However, nothing was simple at all anymore, and Naruto had to wonder if it ever would be. Was that even a possibility, even in the distant future?
Would simplicity and plain happiness between them ever be possible with how many responsibilities they now had, and so many things and people to look after?
Would they ever have what they wanted unless they disappeared completely so there was nothing and no one but the two of them?
Naruto had no answer to that question. He'd been fighting for his goals and dreams with everything he had, but the more he advanced, the more challenges he faced and the more things filled his life and gathered alongside him. The same was happening to Sasuke, unavoidably.
Would there be a moment when they simply couldn't walk away from all of it anymore?
Would… would they even want it?
It seemed like such a ridiculous prospect to Naruto, and yet, he understood that it was a possibility at some point and understood that this realistic view of the world and life was what made Sasuke so skeptical about their future together.
But even though Naruto could understand this logical assumption, and even if he couldn't possibly know what the future held or how he'd feel about it all when the time came, he had simply made up his mind and knew he would not back down no matter what.
He would keep his promise, because no matter what, he doubted he would ever regret it. If there was a chance that he could spend the rest of his life seeing Sasuke every day, he'd take it, simply because he knew Sasuke would want it too, no matter which shape their relationship would have when the time came.
It was a strange fact that was both comforting and terrifying, and while Naruto could wrap his mind around it, his heart found it all devastating, unthinkable.
Said heart twisted inside his chest.
The bonfire cracked behind them, yet the heat it emanated seemed distant.
"You never told me what you helped him with," Naruto blurted out, his narrowed eyes unblinking as he stared at the stars. "Your… that guy."
Sasuke didn't even flinch, but there was an obvious change in his energy that Naruto could sense and that he couldn't quite identify.
However, the man was quick to answer. "Revenge," he said, his voice calm yet straightforward. "Our pasts share a few similarities, and that's why he chose to ask for my assistance instead of carrying out his mission to kill me. But, well, that story is not mine to tell. And I don't think you would appreciate what I've done to help him carry out what he needed to do."
Tensing, Naruto chewed on his lower lip. He knew Sasuke was no angel, ruthless toward injustice and things he didn't agree with. While he had been trying to heal and redeem himself from past misbehaviors, compassionate as he could be, Sasuke could be merciless as well, and Naruto shivered just thinking about it.
He had no idea what the story was behind that revenge, but for sure Sasuke had felt very passionately about it if it was something he had agreed to do, especially with and for someone who had initially intended to murder him.
"You have to tell me eventually," Naruto mumbled.
"There are many things I will have to tell you, eventually, and I will," Sasuke promised sincerely. "But I'm not ready for that now."
Naruto all but nodded, letting the issue drop because, in all truth, he didn't feel like he was emotionally capable of handling whatever weight that story might carry at the moment.
"Did you fuck him before or after that?"
The question came with a hint of sarcasm and bitterness, but he couldn't help it. Everything had been too much to handle, and he felt like there was a hurricane in his chest that he had no idea what to do with.
"It was before," Sasuke replied, again, without hesitation.
At least he was being honest about it. "So, no bonding over drama and blood?"
"It was a different kind of bonding, I suppose," Sasuke conceded, slowly. Naruto could sense him turn his face toward him, and he wasted a few moments contemplating him before proceeding. "At that point, I had already set things straight between us. I was… rather adamant about not getting further involved with him, but I couldn't help it, I suppose."
"Because he's so hot?" Naruto inquired, and he didn't even try to mask his taunting tone.
Again, Sasuke paused before replying. "No; because I had grown attached to the family as a whole and felt restless about parting ways with them because they had nothing. Kamui was a part of it, of course, but no matter what you think, my decision to help them wasn't based on my attachment to him alone."
Naruto released a loud huff and closed his eyes, many things running through his mind and many words dying to fly from his mouth, but he reminded himself that, oddly enough, things had been going rather well with Sasuke recently (and in the last several months), so the last thing he wanted was to ruin the peace they had created.
Inside him, though, everything was a fucking mess.
Trying to stifle his emotions, Naruto simply nodded. "Right."
There was no telling how many seconds ticked by without either of them speaking a single word. Naruto was fine with the silence—in fact, he knew his being silent was such an unusual thing that it was bound to cause some sort of estrangement in Sasuke, and he didn't know if this was something he was doing on purpose or not.
He could feel his friend's gaze fixed on him.
True to form, Sasuke's energy shifted slightly to one of gentle curiosity and apprehension. He could tell Naruto had gotten upset again, and it was strange that he wasn't exactly confronting him about it in his usual blunt way.
A rustling sound gave away Sasuke dragging himself closer to him, and as if on cue, Naruto adjusted himself by linking both his hands over his stomach so his friend had more space to come closer still.
At some point, he could feel Sasuke sitting right next to his head, his knee touching the side of his arm, and Naruto sensed his hand even before the back of warm fingers touched his forehead affectionately.
It was such a strange thing. Sasuke used to be so closed off, so hesitant and resistant about initiating affection and physical contact most of the time, and yet, he had been opening up more and more in the most unusual ways, always the embodiment of contradiction.
"I can tell you're still very moody, usuratonkachi," Sasuke said softly. "Maybe I didn't kick your ass hard enough. Do you want to talk about it?"
Naruto snorted. "Not really."
Sasuke released a low grunt. "You're not the type to keep things to yourself, and we won't have many other chances to talk like this in the near future," he muttered patiently, fingertips trailing down Naruto's cheek soothingly, and yet it did nothing but deepen the ache in Naruto's heart. "I can't ease your mind unless you tell me what's bothering you."
Naruto almost laughed at the irony because, for years, Sasuke had always been the one to fiercely demand Naruto's reassurance, perhaps not with words, but always with actions and, yes, avoidance. Because Sasuke had been so dissatisfied with their predicament, Naruto had always been the one to try and close the gaps between them, to remind him of what they were to each other and what they wanted and needed—to plead with him not to give up on them.
It wasn't a matter of how they felt for each other, but for the first time, Naruto understood why Sasuke had been so uncertain, so resistant toward the establishment of their affair.
To Naruto, things had always been clear. Sasuke loved him and was out there, doing his thing while Naruto had his family and was, all in all, confident that no matter what, his beloved would always be there for him, belonging to him alone, emotionally speaking.
Now Sasuke had someone else, and all of a sudden, Naruto's confidence came crashing down; all these stupid feelings and childish questions were plaguing him unexpectedly, and he had no idea how to deal with all of it.
So many issues suddenly arose that he had never considered before—it wasn't fair. There should be no issues at all, damn it!
"I can't help but wonder what will happen to us if you fall in love with him."
It was out of Naruto's mouth before he could stop it, though, even if he'd been adamant about not bringing it up. He didn't know why he kept bringing that Kamui guy into the conversation when talking about him only messed him up more.
Of course, Sasuke had expected something like that to pop up, because he seemed unfazed. "Well, if you're expecting an honest and immediate answer to that, I'm sorry, but I can't help you," he replied, pinching Naruto's cheek slightly. "I've only ever been in love with you."
Opening his eyes, Naruto looked up to see the other man still gazing down upon him, he wasn't smiling, but his features were serene, breathtakingly beautiful under the bonfire light, and yet it wasn't helpful at all. "That's not very reassuring."
"Why do you need reassurance?" Sasuke's question was genuine. "He's not a replacement for you, Naruto. I made that very clear to him when he talked to me about the possible future of our relationship. I had done so before, as well. I've been transparent about you and me from the very start."
"And yet, you want to be his lover, and worse, you entertained a relationship with him," Naruto said, knowing he sounded accusing.
Apart from his fingers, brushing gently over Naruto's ear, Sasuke didn't move, contemplating him as if trying to either read what was on his mind or assess the best way to answer. "I thought we discussed this already," he eventually said simply.
Naruto all but swallowed hard because that was not the answer he was looking for at all.
Hell, he didn't even know what he was looking for—all he knew was that he felt lost and helpless and fucking scared, and yes, they had discussed it and he was happy for Sasuke and resigned to things as they were, but…
Naruto shifted, sitting up abruptly and dragging himself forward until he faced Sasuke. His legs folded underneath him, and he leaned slightly closer, anxiety making his stomach churn.
"I know your feelings for me, but what if… what if it stops making sense, even if we still want each other? What if everything else becomes more important to you?" He pressed on, his voice trembling with the weight of his rampant thoughts and the vulnerability he felt that he found he couldn't suppress even if he tried.
Sasuke held his gaze, steady and unmoving, yet his voice was still calm. "That goes both ways, Naruto. It's not like I'm the only one building foundations that might be hard to let go of with time."
"I know, damn it!" Naruto exclaimed, his voice breaking as he dragged a hand through his hair in frustration. "I just feel helpless right now. I'm terrified, Sas. I don't mean to be bitter toward you or make you feel guilty because, hell, if you're happy, then I'm stoked for you. I just honestly… things are supposed to be better between us, and I know they are, in so many ways, but I'm still… I don't know how to handle it."
"You're terrified I will have one full-time lover?" Sasuke asked, and it was clear that he was trying to stay serious and keep his condescending expression at bay. "But you are fine thinking I have other random lovers?"
"I'm not fine with it!" Naruto clarified, rolling his eyes in frustration. "Those were whomever! Now there are feelings involved. Feelings, Sasuke. Don't you understand how that makes me feel? Even if you're all stoic and practical about it, and even if I try to be the same for your fucking sake, that's not how things work."
Naruto's breath hitched as he looked deep into Sasuke's eyes, and while he felt immensely relieved to be vocally releasing the stuff that had been tormenting him finally, he still didn't feel at ease, and the other man's poorly hidden amusement was doing nothing to make him feel better.
Sasuke cleared his throat and shifted closer, carefully extending his hand so his fingers were brushing lightly against Naruto's knee.
"This is no different than you and Hinata," he began, his tone soft but deliberate. "Well, actually, no. You have a wife, two children, a home, and a pretty solid past together while things are pretty meek between me and that guy. It's just a big question mark for me, too. He and I are friends, and yes, we have good chemistry and work incredibly well together. I do care about him and his family a lot more than I ever thought I would. Still, it can work out or not. I have no way of knowing."
Naruto flinched at Sasuke's words, leaning back slightly on his hands. His lips pressed into a thin line, the ache in his chest deepening. "You say that but you wouldn't get into something that serious unless you genuinely believed it was going to work out."
Sasuke hummed vaguely. "I suppose that's true," he admitted, his tone even. "I think my biggest fear has been precisely that, now that I think about it. Admittedly, my relationship with him at this point is based on very solid ground. I don't know what to make of that, but I guess something does tell me it's worth investing in for several reasons."
Naruto's fists tightened against his thighs. "How much is it worth it?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Probably as much as I'm willing to, and as much as he wants me to, all things considered," Sasuke replied, his hand now fully resting on Naruto's knee. The warmth of his touch was grounding, though it did little to soothe the turmoil swirling in Naruto's chest.
Sometimes, he hated Sasuke's blatant honesty. He was a mess and the least his lover could do was try and reassure him, anything, but that was too much to ask.
Naruto dropped his gaze to the ground, his voice failing him. "I just… want to be with you so much, and I'm working so hard to get there as soon as possible," he confessed. "I'm terrified that it all becomes too much or that, one day, you won't want to choose me anymore. Because, even if I can't guarantee how I'll feel about everything ten years from now, the one thing I know is that I want us to be together, no matter how, and yet you've always been so challenging about it so many times, I just…"
"I heard you the first time, Naruto," Sasuke interrupted, quietly. "I wanted you to know my intentions and gave you no time to speak your mind about it, and for that, I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel insecure or sad, even though I know it does no matter what I say."
Sasuke leaned closer still, his hand sliding up to cup Naruto's cheek. The touch was gentle, filled with an intimacy that only they shared, and Naruto couldn't help but lean against the touch, too emotionally starved not to, his hand grabbing Sasuke's wrist in search of more contact.
They looked at each other for a while, and Sasuke's expression changed to one of thoughtfulness. "Do you remember why I was so adamant about killing you both times we fought at the Valley of the End?" he ended up asking.
Naruto blinked, startled by the abrupt change in topic. "You wanted to gain some form of power, even if your motivations were different both times."
"Yes." Sasuke's thumb traced over Naruto's cheekbone; his voice solemn, almost resentful now. "Because the Uchiha become stronger through their feelings and emotions; it's what triggers the awakening and subsequent development of our Kekkei Genkai. Our… special ability to love ultimately causes our negative feelings to be enhanced, and when faced with betrayal, fear, hatred, despair, loss, and so on, the Sharingan evolves."
Naruto stared at him, feeling his throat unexpectedly tight. "I… wasn't aware of that, not in those terms, I guess."
Sasuke pressed his lips into a thin line, his expression shadowed. "During our last fight, I wanted you dead because you were the only and last ray of light I had in my life. Because you existed, I still had hope, and I wasn't alone. So, to get stronger and be immersed in complete darkness, I needed you to be dead because I knew it would be the thing that destroyed me beyond repair."
Naruto's breath hitched as Sasuke continued, his voice growing softer. "While I fought you honestly and seriously, I was hoping you'd end up killing me so I wouldn't have to go through the grief of losing you. And while it pained me to hurt you or even think about your death, I admit that I found some comfort in the prospect of us dying together."
Despite himself, Naruto released a choked laugh. "Hell, I still find some comfort in that, too."
Naruto's eyes blurred with tears, his vision swimming as Sasuke leaned forward, resting his forehead against his. The closeness made his heart ache even more.
"Well, you seem to have conveniently forgotten about it," Sasuke muttered, not without a bit of an accusation.
"I… I haven't, I just…"
"All I'm saying is, you are someone irreplaceable to me," Sasuke said, his voice barely audible. "For years, I've been agonizing about how we ruined everything for us, wishing things were different, wishing you were by my side. I still do, Naruto, every single day. But now I understand that you were right and that the world is so much bigger than just the two of us, and that we can't simply wish everything away and do what we want. And that's okay. There's always a solution, there's always hope, fragile as it may seem."
He leaned away slightly and his hands cupped Naruto's face fully now, thumbs brushing away the tears that were falling down his cheeks without consent. "Regardless, if you said we should elope together right now, I probably wouldn't hesitate, even if I knew it was wrong and that many people would get hurt. So, I wait for you because I can't help but to." Sasuke offered him a small, beautiful smile. "We know each other's hearts, right? Stubborn as I am, there's no way I can simply not believe you when I know what you're capable of."
"Sasuke…" Naruto's voice cracked as he let go of Sasuke's wrist to flung himself at the man, hugging his neck and holding on tightly as though he were the only thing keeping him tethered to reality.
He felt so childish and stupid for needing this sort of comfort, and yet he was so grateful to listen to those words and to feel that Sasuke was still looking out for his feelings somehow, understanding his needs and being sensible to them, which wasn't something he would've done a few years previously for sure.
When Sasuke wrapped an arm around Naruto longingly, he felt his whole body flood with emotion as things seemed to fall into place, giving him an absurd but strong hope that everything would be alright no matter what.
The position of their bodies was a little awkward, but their chests were pressed close in that unholy intimacy that they could get nowhere else, and the comfort and blissfulness could not be compared to anything else in the world.
It was simply there, in each other's arms, that perfection existed, where true happiness and home were, and it was wonderful to know and feel that Sasuke shared the same contentment through and through.
Sasuke held him tightly before his hand moved soothingly up and down Naruto's back as Naruto clung to him.
"I love you more than I will ever love myself or any other person on this earth," Sasuke breathed in Naruto's ear, his voice breaking just slightly and making the blond man tense in shock, chills instantly running down his spine. "It's a cruel truth, but it's probably the only thing I can say that will ease that stupid little heart of yours."
Naruto choked on a sob, the floodgates breaking as tears spilled freely. He buried his face in the crook of Sasuke's neck, and if he hadn't been able to deal with his feelings before, he had no idea what to do with himself now, that the love of his life had finally uttered such longed-for words that he hadn't heard in years and had thought he'd never hear again. "You… did you just…"
"It doesn't matter how I feel for someone else because they are not you," Sasuke said firmly. "No one can be, and that will never change."
And that was it, that was all they needed and all was well in the world, even if it wasn't right now.
But Naruto could feel Sasuke's heart thumping wildly in sync against his, could feel the longing between them, the hope and the fear, and yet, for some reason, passionate as the Uchiha's energy was, there was a serenity within him that left no room for hesitation.
They would be alright, no matter how, and through his embrace, Sasuke tried to convey this to Naruto.
Perhaps Sasuke had just realized this now, too. Perhaps they both sometimes needed to be reminded of where they belonged and what their soul's purpose was, and that nothing would ever beat, or even come close to what they had.
Perhaps that put Sasuke's mind at ease, too, or perhaps not.
Regardless of what he said, Sasuke was, unavoidably, the loneliest one of the two, and even if he didn't need companionship, no one is truly happy going through their life alone, relying on only themselves and their strength to carry on.
This time, it was Naruto who leaned back, sniffing. He brought both his hands to Sasuke's colored cheeks before brushing his fringe away so he could properly see both his mismatched eyes. It never ceased to surprise Naruto how beautiful they were, and how much looking deeply into them filled his heart with wonder and suffocating yearning.
Naruto had always been a lover of people, but he never thought that he'd be capable of so much love and faith as he did when it came to Sasuke.
As if reading his mind, Sasuke used his hand to Naruto's face upward, his fingers firm but gentle on his chin. Their eyes were glued together—blue colliding with onyx—the depth of their emotions unspoken but unmistakable. Then, Sasuke leaned in and his lips touched Naruto's in a kiss that was slow and gentle at first, yet the cautiousness didn't last.
Naruto exhaled shakily, his hands moving instinctively to Sasuke's shoulder and neck as he kissed back, the press of their mouths growing firmer, more assured. Sasuke's lips were warm and soft, so welcoming, moving with a deliberate tenderness that sent jolts of excitement through Naruto's body. The fire crackled behind them, as they deepened the kiss, their breaths mingling in the small space between them.
Naruto shifted forward without thinking, closing the gap between their bodies as he unceremoniously climbed into Sasuke's lap, straddling his legs. His knees pressed into the ground on either side of Sasuke's thighs, and his hands slid upward, fingers threading into the thick, dark strands of Sasuke's hair. He tugged gently, pulling Sasuke closer as the kiss grew more urgent, more consuming.
Sasuke's hand moved down Naruto's back, firm and insistent as it settled on his waist.
Naruto tilted his head slightly, angling the kiss as he leaned into Sasuke, his weight pressing them closer together. Their bodies fit seamlessly, the heat between them building with every touch, every breathless exchange. Sasuke's grip tightened on Naruto's waist, anchoring him in place, his fingers flexing slightly as if to remind Naruto he wasn't going anywhere.
Naruto pulled back just enough to look at Sasuke, his breathing ragged and his cheeks flushed. His lips were slightly swollen, glistening in the firelight, and his eyes hooded, dark with emotion.
Sasuke stared back at him, his expression unguarded for once, his usually sharp features softened by something raw yet vulnerable.
"I…" Naruto started, his voice barely above a whisper, but Sasuke didn't let him finish because he leaned forward again, capturing Naruto's lips in another searing kiss, his hand sliding up Naruto's back and pulling him flush against his chest.
Naruto gasped into the kiss, his hands slipping from Sasuke's hair to cup his face, thumbs brushing over the sharp angles of his cheekbones.
There was such breathtaking beauty in him at all times.
I love you so much I can't fucking breathe…
The kiss was frantic now, a clash of lips and tongues, fueled by a longing that had been buried for far too long, and painful as the constant distance between them was, it felt so good to know that the flaming lust was still there, over and over again.
The taste of Naruto's tears danced in their tongues.
No matter how many months they went by without seeing each other or how many times they made love, it always felt fresh.
No one was capable of smothering it down, Naruto could see that now.
Sasuke's right hand roamed with urgency, gliding up Naruto's spine before resting between his shoulder blades, pressing him closer still as if the proximity wasn't enough. Naruto shivered at the touch, his own hands wandering, sliding down Sasuke's neck to rest against his chest, feeling the rapid beat beneath his palm, enjoying the firmness of the skin that he so loved.
Their breaths came in short, uneven bursts as they broke apart briefly, only to crash back together, their lips seeking each other out again and again. Naruto pressed closer, his hips shifting instinctively against Sasuke's as their kiss became hungrier, more desperate, and it was so clear where this was going and they hadn't even had dinner yet, but it didn't matter.
Nothing mattered.
I love you more than I will ever love myself…
Naruto moaned, lost and found, his head spinning.
He could've cried more but Sasuke had absorbed every ounce of sadness in him to replace it with an abundance of absolutely everything that he needed just then.
Naruto wanted to speak but he couldn't. At this point, he felt like the only thing he could do to survive was taste and take as much of Sasuke as he possibly could.
I love you…
And even though not a single word was uttered, Sasuke seemed to feel it in every fiber of his being. He inhaled sharply, a small gasp escaping his lips as he shifted and in one swift, fluid motion, he rolled them over, Naruto landing on his back against the earth while Sasuke settled firmly between his thighs. Their bodies aligned perfectly, the heat of their obvious arousal pressed together—pulsing, throbbing, and aching with an unbearable need that seemed to boil with every passing second.
Sasuke paused, looming above Naruto like a shadow, his dark eyes smoldering with intensity. He gazed down at him, seemingly taking in every detail like a predator, as only he could, making Naruto burn from head to toe.
Yes, that was exactly what he'd been looking for, that gaze, that thirst that was only reserved for him…
Without a word, Sasuke leaned in, his breath warm against Naruto's skin. Slowly, his tongue flicked out, tracing the salty path of a tear that lingered on Naruto's cheek. The motion was slow, deliberate, and savoring. His lips hovered tantalizingly close, his eyes half-lidded with a mix of tenderness and unbridled hunger.
Naruto shivered, his entire body responding to the electric tension between them. Sasuke pulled back just enough to lock eyes with him again, a wicked smirk curving his lips—dangerous and impossibly alluring.
"You taste like everything I've ever wanted," Sasuke murmured, his voice low and velvet-smooth, thick with desire.
Naruto instinctually surged upward, capturing Sasuke's lips again, their mouths responding to each other and clashing as though they couldn't get enough. Sasuke was such a nice bait, his tongue tangling with Naruto's as their kisses grew deeper, more urgent.
The world around them faded entirely, leaving only the heat between them as their hips moved in a frantic rhythm, grinding against each other until the friction sent waves of electricity coursing through them. Sasuke's hand moved tugging at the hem of Naruto's shirt before yanking it upward, breaking their kiss just long enough to pull it over his head. Naruto gasped as Sasuke leaned in again to bite at the side of his neck with bruising force, his own hands fumbling to push Sasuke's shirt off his shoulders.
Clothes began to fall away piece by piece, their hands moving hurriedly as if the mere thought of a barrier between them was unbearable. The cool night air kissed their heated skin, and the firelight flickered wildly, casting shadows that danced with their feverish movements.
And for the first time in a long time, Naruto was at peace.
000
It felt like so much had happened during the week Sasuke had spent at Konoha as if life itself had turned upside down. It was a time of new beginnings, and yet, the world hadn't changed at all.
It reminded Sasuke of his notions of love several years ago, when he'd idealized everything with Naruto by his side and had demanded so many things to be according to his vision. It was strange how love was capable of changing a person and their goals, hopes, and dreams, and yet, the world outside that bubble of contentment remained the same.
Even if the world itself didn't change, the soul was constantly shaken by this ridiculous feeling no one knew how to live without. And the same love, strong and stubborn and demanding as it was, would always be able to change people no matter how many years passed or how many events unfolded.
Sasuke had thought that he was so savvy about love, that his feelings for Naruto were too grand to be described, too unique to be compared to anything else, and too exclusive to allow space for other things and other people.
He'd been young, foolish, and naïve to a certain extent, and life was, indeed, so much vaster than just the two of them.
Sasuke had blamed Naruto for so long, considering him selfish and ignorant, too greedy for his own good, and constantly lying to himself about his feelings for everything that wasn't connected to Sasuke alone.
However, now the Uchiha realized that perhaps Naruto had been the wisest and most realistic of them both, and he couldn't help but berate himself a bit for it.
Of course, he would lie to himself if he said their feelings for each other were irrelevant to the plot of their lives. More and more, regardless of their diverging paths, they were reminded of how everything revolved around them when they were together.
Granted, Sasuke still held his convictions about Konoha, and he still believed that Naruto could've chosen a different path for himself that would be equally fulfilling, without finding the need to shove his love and ideals about Konoha down Sasuke's throat. However, Sasuke now understood that, just as he had stopped Naruto from ever making demands about them, he had no right to demand that his friend let go of his dreams because of him.
Both their dreams were important to them, and it had been unfortunate that they had not managed to find common ground between them—it was both their fault, and Sasuke could admit that now.
Not that he and Naruto had talked about this. So many things were changing for both of them—they were changing, too—and life was becoming greater and more relevant than themselves.
Because it wasn't just about them anymore, and it probably would never be again.
Everyone believed that Naruto would be the Hokage to change things toward worldwide peace, even if they didn't believe he would be able to grasp the paperwork and complexities of political affairs. Naruto wasn't aware of this, and Sasuke didn't want to trouble him with unnecessary pressure, but it became clear that Sasuke would need to be his right-hand man and offer as much support and motivation as he possibly could.
Well, even if Sasuke didn't decide on this, everyone had probed him in this direction, anyway.
It was funny how it was obvious to everyone that he was Naruto's driving force, and Naruto didn't deter anyone from thinking this way.
Kakashi had confided to the council and higher-ups that, even if Shikamaru was going to be appointed Naruto's counselor, they were counting on Sasuke to work alongside Naruto at all times. Because of Sasuke's missions since the war and his contribution to bringing so many allies to Konoha, as well as strengthening the village's relationship with other powerful organizations, he was seen as the man to go to in tactical political moves.
Meaning that, as soon as Naruto took the wheel, all external affairs would be Sasuke's responsibility and would have to pass through his judgment first. All decisions would be carried out depending on his input.
Of course, he wanted to help Naruto as much as possible, and having a say in Konoha's leadership also gave Sasuke a lot of freedom to reach his goals and change things according to his vision. He and Naruto would support each other in this, and his friend was confident they would succeed together.
Sasuke was sure that, of all the things Naruto had heard about his future, the prospect of ruling with Sasuke at his side was the thing that had made him the happiest.
Still, Sasuke had a life outside the village, so he wasn't sure how to feel about having his precious time eaten away when he had so much to do.
Regardless, things were improving significantly for him. He had been able to be honest with Sakura and find some balance in their relationship, and he had also, finally, found some answers within himself about his future with Kamui. This, in turn, also led him to consider how things were with Naruto, and admittedly, the love of his life had surprised him.
Their love for each other and the fact that this was an established thing in both their hearts and minds always managed to surprise him.
Despite how weird everything seemed, Sasuke felt like he was finally in a place of emotional peace and acceptance. He couldn't quite understand why, but he had left Konoha feeling a lot lighter, his mind a lot clearer, and his emotions grounded like never before.
No twists of fate or insecurities were enough to shake his relationship with Naruto, not anymore, and this came as a shocking blessing after all the ups and downs they'd already gone through.
There was no anguish within Sasuke anymore, and he hoped there was none within Naruto either. Things were moving forward, and they were more in tune than ever before.
Hurting Naruto pained him greatly, and yet, Naruto's honest acceptance and support—his genuine desire to see Sasuke happy—was a refreshing twist in their dynamics. It made Sasuke realize how much they had grown and learned because now they were in a place of resignation, mutual respect, and understanding.
They knew what needed to be done at this moment, and they simply kept moving forward with a common goal in mind.
Sasuke was Naruto's everything, and he knew it. No matter how many people Naruto loved, Sasuke was one of a kind to him, so he knew he had to hold on to that. He would.
Because Naruto, too, was everything to him. Even if he loved his village, his children, or even other people, his best friend would always be someone he could not bear the thought of living without.
Sasuke felt like something inside of him had found peace while at the same time had been set ablaze—a newfound fire of hope, and a rekindled emotion that brought back the hunger he had for the life he wanted, with Naruto and for Naruto.
They were on the same page, and things were more than fine. It was no use crying over spilled milk at this point—life was too short for them to keep letting petty things from the past come in between them.
Still, Sasuke felt content and fulfilled in ways he never expected to, and he felt at peace and confident about where he was and where he was headed.
That was all that mattered.
000
When Sasuke arrived at his village, he was instantly grateful for the familiar sense of home that he so cherished. His heart filled with joy at the smiles and waves of people welcoming him back, as well as the children who ran to him, eager to tell him news or show him new games they had invented. It was difficult escaping them, but eventually, they left him alone so he could go on his way.
As he made his way home, intent on washing up and organizing the things he had brought for Kamui, Sasuke found Katsuo returning from the forest, carrying a basket full of mushrooms. The child immediately dropped the basket and ran to him with joy in his constant blue gaze, and Sasuke could only smile as he rolled his eyes, ready to receive the strong hug.
They talked a bit as Sasuke helped him pick up the mushrooms that had fallen out of the basket, and Katsuo quickly updated him on some things around the village—some of them irrelevant to Sasuke but important in the child's mind. It was clear that Katsuo had been practicing his speech and training his voice because he spoke clearly and with little strain, even if he had to clear his throat at times. Sasuke was proud of him, even if he resented not having been there to witness this recovery.
As they made their way home, Katsuo told him that Kamui was on bed rest since he'd fallen sick a few days before with a fever.
Kamui was probably fine, but Sasuke found himself suddenly too restless with nagging worry, so he gave up on the idea of going home, choosing to visit the man instead. He announced this to his son. Because Katsuo was going to deliver the mushrooms to someone, they had to part ways since they were going in different directions.
"I'm sure Kamui will feel a lot better when you visit him!" Katsuo said approvingly, flashing Sasuke an innocent, happy smile. "He told me he misses you."
Despite himself, Sasuke felt heat flood his cheeks. What was Kamui telling his son in his absence? The kid had no way of understanding what was happening between them. There was no need to be sentimental about anything at this point.
"Right," Sasuke muttered, frowning in exasperation. "Well, behave yourself. I'll be heading home as soon as possible."
Katsuo nodded, but as soon as Sasuke turned around to go on his way, he stopped him. "Are you going to be Kamui's boyfriend?"
Sasuke nearly tripped on his sandals before quickly turning to face his son again. "What's this about, Katsu? Who the hell told you that?"
"No one," the child said with a shrug. "I know he likes you; he said so. And you seem to like him too, so… we could be a real family!"
Sasuke stared at Katsuo with his mouth hanging open, unsure if he was hearing correctly or if he had somehow hit his head and passed out and was now dreaming.
He didn't know if he should laugh or feel affronted—toward whom, though, he wasn't sure.
Regardless, the thing that surprised him the most was truly realizing how much Katsuo had grown. Sasuke knew the kid would enter a pre-teenage phase soon. He was smart and very empathetic, but there were things they didn't talk about because Sasuke had thought that his son was too young and innocent to understand, even if he had been sensitive to Sasuke's feelings and relationships from the start.
But Katsuo managed to catch him off guard completely with this one. Also, the purity of his feelings was heartbreaking.
Katsuo knew what was "normal," so Sasuke knew for sure that the child had to have wondered if the idea of two men was correct. Regardless, it was clear that all that mattered to him was having a family he loved and for Sasuke to be happy.
Closing his mouth, Sasuke heaved a sigh. Maybe it was time for him to be honest and finally speak to his son as an equal so they could know what was on each other's mind and where to go from there.
Every decision Sasuke made—about Kamui or anything, really—he had to do it with his family in mind.
"I'm going to talk to Kamui, and once I do, you and I will have a serious conversation," Sasuke said softly.
"Did I do anything wrong?" the child asked, hesitantly, but Sasuke all but smiled at him.
"Not at all. I just want to know what you think about a few things and tell you a few secrets, from one man to another."
With a huge grin, Katsuo nodded. "Okay!"
000
The door to Kamui's house was open, as usual. Sasuke removed his sandals and left them outside before stepping inside and setting his belongings down on the floor by the door—that way, the family would know he was around if they arrived in the meantime. He removed his cloak as well and placed it on top of his bag, quietly making his way through the hall toward where he knew Kamui's room was.
The house was empty, thankfully, and oddly silent—very unlike what he was used to.
The door to Kamui's plain room was slightly ajar, so he pushed it open carefully in case the man was asleep. He found the other sitting on his futon with his hair loose, back against the wall, and legs stretched out with a blanket covering them. There was an open book on his lap, yet Kamui's gaze was already at the entrance, clearly waiting for Sasuke's arrival, having sensed his approach.
"Sasuke, you're back," Kamui said, flashing him a huge smile.
"Can I?" Sasuke asked from the door, making the man snort softly.
"You're always welcome in my chambers, Uchiha-sama," he said, shaking his head in amusement. He motioned Sasuke inside with a wave of his hand. "I'm glad you're home; just get in here, please."
Nodding, Sasuke stepped inside the room and walked over to Kamui's bedding, kneeling beside him on the floor. He took a quick look at his friend to assess him, noticing some visible lines of exhaustion on his face, but other than that, he seemed to be in good spirits.
"What happened?" he asked, reaching out to press the back of his fingers against Kamui's forehead to see if he still had a fever.
"Did you just arrive?" Kamui asked instead, noticing Sasuke's dusty clothes. "Who told you I was sick?"
"Katsuo," Sasuke replied plainly, dropping his hand to Kamui's wrist so he could check his pulse.
"Oh, and you couldn't wait to come check if I was dying?" Kamui teased softly, his eyes observing Sasuke's proficient checking of his health condition. He smirked endearingly when Sasuke rolled his eyes at him. "I'm fine. I guess I've been working a bit too hard and it's affecting me now. I just had a bit of a fever a couple of days ago, but Yui and Oi won't let me get out of bed, so here I am."
"They're smarter than you because you do look like shit," Sasuke pointed out, frowning. "As a doctor, you should understand what you need to improve your health."
"I know; that's why I'm here, like a good boy. And if the illness doesn't kill me, I'm sure the boredom will," Kamui said, shrugging in resignation. "You didn't have to come running, though, even if I'm very happy that you did."
Huffing, Sasuke retracted his hand and let it fall into his lap. He felt more at ease knowing Kamui was alright, even if he knew that a physical collapse was not a matter to be taken lightly. Regardless, now he was home, and he would make sure that the man recovered properly—they had new medicine now, and Sasuke would take on Kamui's tasks until he recovered so he wouldn't be agonizing about it.
"Just rest as much as you can, and I'll take care of everything while I'm here," Sasuke assured him seriously. "I'll have to leave in a couple of weeks. I just wanted to come and see how things were going, but I have new assignments and can't stay for long."
"Alright, it was to be expected," Kamui conceded with a nod, and even if his voice was gentle, there was a light frown on his forehead.
Sasuke cleared his throat. "I just wanted to check up on you, but I should be going home. I need to wash up and get to work."
"Can't you keep me company a little longer?" Kamui asked, and he did nothing to mask the hopefulness in his tone. "Unless you're very tired, of course. Either way, there's a room for you in my bed, and if you don't want that, there are 17 other futons where you can sleep and water you can use…"
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Sasuke groaned, shaking his head in exasperation, and yet he couldn't help the lopsided smirk on his lips. "You're unbelievable. You can't even tone it down when you're sick, can you?"
Kamui smirked. "Around you? Never."
Refraining from rolling his eyes again, Sasuke heaved a sigh. "Fine, I'll stay a few more minutes."
"Wonderful," Kamui said, his grin widening. He politely closed the book on his lap, showing that he was fully invested in their conversation. "So, how was your time in Konoha?"
"It was surprisingly good, actually," Sasuke began, conversationally. "Lots of meetings. Naruto will start training to become Hokage, as we had guessed, and I will be one of his advisors. I will be officially appointed as the person responsible for external political affairs. I'm supposed to support him at every turn, so yeah… things are looking promising, but life is about to become even busier for me."
"Hurray?" Kamui said jokingly, making Sasuke snort, amused.
"Not sure about that, yet."
Sasuke leaned back, propping his hand on the floor as he regarded Kamui with his usual measured calm. The soft glow of the afternoon sunlight filtered through the paper-thin walls, casting long shadows across the room. The older man's hair seemed strangely brighter, like copper, and Sasuke couldn't help but appreciate the odd beauty of it. It reminded him of Itachi, who always wore his hair long, and as a child, Sasuke had always been eerily fascinated by it, even if he never had a personal interest in wearing his own in such fashion.
"I won't be around much," Sasuke proceeded, his voice steady but a little regretful. "I do have missions lined up. A lot of them. Konoha's higher-ups seem to think my talents are best used everywhere else but at home. Staying put is not something they want for me, it seems."
Kamui tilted his head, a wry smile tugging at his lips even as a flicker of disappointment crossed his features. "Don't pretend like this is such a problem for you," he teased, gently. "Everybody knows you'd be miserable working behind a desk."
Sasuke nodded, a faint smirk betraying his amusement. "I guess that's true, but it doesn't mean that I wouldn't feel content spending more time relaxing once in a while." he agreed. "Settling down for long periods sounds more appealing every day."
"Well, until you have that, it will always be disappointing that you're not around," Kamui said, back against the wall, his blanket shifting slightly as he adjusted his posture and eyed Sasuke intently. "What changed your mind about settling down, though?"
There was a softness in his words, a kind of understated acceptance that always caught Sasuke off guard. Kamui never clung too tightly, never asked for anything more than what Sasuke could give, and it was maddening in its kindness.
The hopefulness masked as curiosity was highly endearing, though.
Sasuke straightened back slightly, his eyes tracing the subtle play of light and shadow across Kamui's face. There was a moment of quiet, the kind that settled between them with an ease that Sasuke found both comforting and disarming. He exhaled slowly, breaking the silence. "I told Naruto about us, and your proposal," Sasuke eventually said, his tone calm but deliberate.
Kamui's brow arched slightly, interest lighting his expression. "Oh? I can't imagine it was a casual dinner conversation."
Sasuke's lips twitched, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth despite himself. "It was. I told him everything, including the fact that we've slept together."
For a moment, Kamui's smile faltered—not out of shock, but a quiet hesitation, as though gauging the implications of what Sasuke had just shared. There was a mixture of confusion and worry in his features. "I see. And how did he take it?" he asked, sounding surprisingly concerned.
"About as well as I expected," Sasuke replied, his voice measured. "He's upset that you're not a casual fuck, I guess. There was a lot of emotional processing as you can imagine. But, well, we're good. He's happy for me for wanting to pursue something meaningful with someone."
Kamui was comically serious and didn't say anything for a few seconds. Sasuke knew he was the one doing some processing in his mind, he was so still. "That… must have been hard for both of you," he said, after a while.
Sasuke almost laughed. "It was," he admitted, his fingers brushing absently against the fabric of Kamui's blanket. "Sakura knows, too. I also told her about several things, the village, and Katsuo. She was pretty down to earth and we have reached a consensus, at least until Sarada is a bit older. It was nice."
Kamui only nodded, very slowly. "I'm glad."
They eyed each other in silence for a while, Kamui carefully assessing Sasuke's demeanor to try and understand what was coming out of it, Sasuke finding it all immensely amusing but at the same time wondering if this was a good time to tell Kamui about his decision at all.
He hadn't planned on talking to him about this right now, not with the man bedridden. Well, he hadn't exactly planned anything, so it was not like he was intent on going for something romantic or anything of the sort.
Also, unavoidably, he thought of Naruto, feeling in such need of love and reassurance, scared that Sasuke might fall in love with Kamui and not want him anymore.
Looking at Kamui now, Sasuke wondered if that was a possibility. He did care about the man, and Naruto had been right when he said that Sasuke believed it was worth investing in their relationship. It was all true.
Even a little pale, Kamui was a striking man, and Sasuke felt at ease in his presence, safe and comfortable. He knew he could be himself wholeheartedly and Kamui would still want him and still care about him. They had a good dynamic and trusted each other completely.
Yes, there probably was a chance that things could go very well between them.
However… There was always Naruto, that one light Sasuke wanted to keep, with his chaotic emotions and fierce determination, whose body was a perfect match for Sasuke's, whose very soul was linked to his for eternity.
Uzumaki Naruto, the only person Sasuke would've given himself to if things hadn't been so fucked up.
Uzumaki Naruto, whom he tried to stay away from and failed miserably.
How could that blond idiot ever think that Sasuke could simply not want that anymore?
Sasuke's eyes searched Kamui's face, his words measured and deliberate. "I told them because I thought about you… us, very seriously," he said, evenly. "And because I realized I want to try and see where it leads us, but for that, I need to be free, or as free as I can be. But I can't help but ask you again. Are you sure about this?"
Kamui's lips parted slightly, and for a moment, he simply looked at Sasuke, as though weighing the gravity of his words. "You keep asking me the same thing, over and over again," he replied, shaking his head. "Are you somehow hoping for a different answer, this time?"
"I don't know," Sasuke confessed, with a shrug. "I don't think you understand my relationship with Naruto, even if you can conceptualize it in your head. You don't understand the gap between you and me in this possible relationship, Kamui. Because, as much as I'm frustrated with my situation with Naruto, he is one of a kind to me. I can't, I won't change anything between me and him just because of you. It's not physically or emotionally possible for me. Do you understand?"
Kamui held Sasuke's gaze, his dark eyes thoughtful yet unwavering. After a beat, he gave a small, understanding smile, one that carried a mix of tenderness and resolution.
"Sasuke," he began softly, his voice steady yet warm, "I understand this better than you think I do. I've seen it in the way you talk about him, the way your energy shifts when his name comes up. I'm not asking to replace Naruto, or for you to be anything more than what you can offer. I had this in mind from the moment I decided to talk to you about it."
He paused, then leaned forward slightly, his expression open and sincere. "All I want is to make you happy, here, with me, for however long we have. I'm not looking for perfection or guarantees. I just want you, Sasuke, as you are, and for us to enjoy each other without expectations or constraints. That's enough for me, and if it's too much for you, well, I'll accept it, as well."
Sasuke blinked, his chest tightening at the raw honesty in Kamui's words. The simplicity and kindness of Kamui's acceptance hit him harder than he'd expected (it always did), loosening something inside him that had been wound tight for far too long.
"Kamui…" he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "You're so infuriatingly selfless sometimes."
Kamui chuckled, the sound light and bright, cutting through the moment with a sense of ease. "Wanting to be with you is as selfish as it gets, Sasuke," he said, easily. "I'm simply acting out of my desire to have something from you, maybe even securing it, somehow, because you matter to me. That's all."
For a moment, Sasuke didn't speak, his eyes searching Kamui's face as though trying to absorb the weight of his words fully. Slowly, he exhaled, in defeat, because he knew he wouldn't win this match, and he didn't particularly want to, either.
"Alright," he said finally, his tone resolute yet a little playful because he didn't know how he was supposed to behave in this situation – it was embarrassing enough already. "Your funeral. Let's see how long we last before we can't stand each other anymore."
Kamui's eyes lit up, a broad grin spreading across his face as joy bubbled to the surface. "Are you serious?" he asked, his voice tinged with a childlike excitement that made Sasuke's lips twitch in response.
"No, I'm just messing with you because this type of conversation is so much fun to have," Sasuke said, unable to keep the sarcasm from his voice because his cheeks were already flushed with embarrassment.
Kamui let out a soft laugh, his joy bubbling over infectiously. "You know how to make a man's day, Uchiha-sama."
Sasuke smirked faintly, shaking his head. "Don't get ahead of yourself."
"Oh, too late for that," Kamui quipped, his grin turning sly as he leaned forward slightly again until his face was close to Sasuke's, teasingly. "So, now that you've made this momentous decision… you now have my permission to kiss me."
An almost evil laugh of disbelief left Sasuke's chest as his hand instinctively moved to Kamui's face, pushing it away until he was sitting against the wall again. Despite this, Kamui kissed the palm of his hand, causing Sasuke to make a face.
"Don't be gross, that's not happening until you're properly recovered," he admonished, purposefully cleaning his hand in the fabric of his pants, feigning disgust. "I'm not kissing a half-dead invalid."
Kamui groaned dramatically, throwing his head back against the wall as though Sasuke's refusal had wounded him deeply. "Oh, come on. A nice cozy kiss is medicinal, isn't it? Or do you only believe in cold pragmatism?"
"I believe in practicality," Sasuke countered smoothly, tapping Kamui's leg. "And letting you regain your strength before you try to do anything… ambitious."
Kamui's eyes gleamed with mischief, his grin widening as his voice dropped to a playful murmur. "Ambitious doesn't even begin to cover what I'll do once I'm allowed."
Sasuke huffed out a soft laugh, unable to hide his endearment. "You're impossible."
"You'll grow to love it even more," Kamui threw, his tone light but filled with unmistakable affection. He stretched his arms, positively beaming, and even sick he looked gloriously handsome and bright. "I need to get out of this bed ASAP. Ah, life is good!"
Kamui seemed so genuinely happy that it softened Sasuke's heart, even if something inside of him broke, too.
Because Sasuke could tell things were promising between them, and in so many ways, this wasn't fair for Kamui, and the last thing he wanted was to hurt the man.
However, he knew he would, maybe not in a week or a year, but sooner or later, he would.
Because Naruto existed, and would always overshadow everything else, no matter what.
Regardless, this was something Sasuke and Kamui both needed, so for the time being, they could do nothing but take it all in and make the most of whatever it had to offer.
They would have to deal with their respective feelings as they came.
As long as they both gained something positive from it, that was all that mattered. Everything else, time would tell.
For now, Sasuke was at peace, and feeling optimistic that the upcoming times would be a lot easier than the previous ones.
TBC…
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