You Left Us – Part 2
I'm finally back with another chapter! This took me far longer to write then I expected. I know I'm a slow writer and I apologize for that. Believe me, if I could write every day I would.
Reminders: The characters are flawed and it's safe to say Ellie has 'issues', just like Sam and Dean have their 'issues'. Don't expect perfection from human beings.
A special thank you to everyone who took the time to review and comment on the pervious chapter. I appreciate it so much. Your interest, insight, and kind encouragement, just fuels my motivation to write more. So please, if you're liking the story and have a moment to spare, I'd appreciated a review.
Ellie sat cross legged in the center of the firm queen mattress with a few medical books and papers scattered around her in a semicircle on top of the scratchy green stripped comforter. Her plain grey oversized sweatshirt hung over her petite frame loosely as she slouched her shoulders forward staring at the large opened book that was fanned out directly in front of her. Her tired eyes scanned the small printed texts of the paragraph she was on, suddenly, finding her vision become distorted and blurred. With a frustrated groan sitting in the back of her dry throat, Ellie reached up and swiped her forefinger and thumb across her lids feeling a burning sensation encircle around her eyes as she began to feel the effects of the hours of continuous strain she was putting them under in the poor lighting of the dimly lit motel room.
For the past three days, Sam had confined them in the cheap motel room, researching Dean's condition and calling every contact they knew to find out a way to save the man. When they were not visiting with Dean during visiting hours at the hospital, their grueling days of frantic research were filled with ordering take out, or skipping meals all together, and getting only a few hours of sleep in at a time. Although, Sam at some point would order Ellie to go to bed when the time exceeded midnight, despite exhaustion eventually taking over her body, Ellie found herself riddled with an incessant anxiety and burdening stress unable to get a good healthy cycle of sleep in making her downright grumpy towards anything that had the audacity to move.
Sam had asked her to scan the medical books, taking notes and highlighting treatments, but over their continual research for the past three days, it seemed there was hardly any medical option for the amount of damage Dean's heart sustained. And the more Ellie looked, the more discouraged she became towards any medical treatment being viable. An irritated groan grumbled in her throat from both exhaustion and fretful frustration as she dragged her palms down her pale face feeling a grave hopelessness swell against her heavy heart.
The fearful panic was becoming overwhelmingly unbearable for the young teenager. So unbearable, in fact, that the desperate and forbidden thoughts Ellie was holding in the back of her mind began to creep back to the front of her focus as she vaguely recalled, a long time ago, her mother mentioning the use of spells to 'cure' people. Although she was unaware of the particulars on exactly how it was achieved, the knowledgeable girl knew, without a shadow of a doubt, it was definitely possible to heal someone through magic. Yet, as soon as the sinful notion dominated her thoughts, the young teenager's body became flooded with an instant and potent trepidation that reeled wildly in her gut like a raging vortex making her feel almost nauseous from the sensation, as sparks of fearful apprehension cracked against her chest. The very thought of using the corrupt practice behind the Hunting world's back had her skin crawling with severe unease because, despite the dire circumstance, as a Hunter's kid, she knew, inherently, how incredibly wrong it was.
Ellie felt her shoulder and neck muscles stiffen with fretful tension as she licked her dried lips. Ever so cautiously, Ellie cast her eyes to the right of her towards Sam who sat at the foot of the other queen bed adjacent to her's. The man's broad back was towards her, seeming immersed in the pages and pages of research he had printed out all around him. Although the man was no mind reader, just being in the same room with the Hunter thinking about such things had her nerves jittering with an anxious distress.
Ellie was aware using black magic was a complex and very touchy practice, not to mention dangerous as hell and there was an extremely fine line to walk when it came to getting any 'good' out of it, but the fact that her skilled mother was able to do it, was all the proof the desperate girl needed to force her nerve to at least consider trying it. She owed it to Dean, at the very least, to try and, she knew, she'd never be able to forgive herself if Dean died and she could've done something about it. Yet, still, despite forcibly justifying it as an option in this dire situation, the Hunter's kid in her, couldn't help, but feel a naturally fitting and conflicting guilt that began to weigh against her burdened body. The astute teenager was not morally ignorant and was well aware what she was considering was immoral blasphemy, and if her uncle knew she was even thinking of using satanic magic for any reason, she would be in a tremendous amount of trouble to say the least and would probably never sit again for the rest of her natural born life.
Her diehard uncle condemned and loathed it in every way and disagreeing with her mother practicing it was a fearsome understatement. After her mother and step-dad died, her uncle worked earnestly to reinstate a healthy and rightful fear of witchcraft back into her conscience while instilling a deep moral intolerance for anything remotely pertaining to supernatural powers. And while his success in that was certainly not lacking within Ellie, the young naïve girl could not overlook the love and reverence she had for her skilled and misunderstood mother, and was never able to fully condemn it without question or consideration to the extent her uncle wished her to. Her uncle was a rigid-minded Hunter who, in Ellie's mind, always refused to recognize and appreciate all the 'good' her mother was able to do with it. No matter how dire the circumstances, or how many lives her mother saved because of it, he would never accept it as an option, even at the possible cost of his own life and that damaged her young heart with an agonizing confoundment.
We don't play around with evil. We kill it. Her uncle's words echoed in her ears firmly.
Ellie visibly swallowed the wad of thick saliva down her dry throat before turning her attention back to the opened book in front of her, her straight brown locks curtaining the sides of her lightly freckled cheeks under her navy ballcap in an instinctually disguising manner. Dipping her head low, Ellie fidgeted and picked at the fraying skin around her nails, a nervous habit the young teen had never conquered over the thirteen stress-ridden years of her young life, as she continued to fret and stew over her troubled thoughts.
Ellie did not want to go digging in dark unholy places and if there was any other way to cure Dean cleanly and righteously, Ellie was all for it, but, as far as she could see, at this point, there was no other option expect to let Dean die and that was something the desperate teenager was not prepared to accept. She had lost too much to accept fate for what it, unfairly, was anymore. It was wrong to use satanic magic, yes, but it was also wrong to let a good man die, especially when she had the ability to do something about it, and especially when it was her fault to begin with. The old philosophy 'desperate times, call for desperate measures' dominated the young girl's reasoning. If Dean wasn't dying, she would never consider something so extreme, but the fact remained Dean was dying and the heartbroken girl refused bear it.
A personal responsibility weighed on Ellie's shoulders to save Dean, not only because he was a good man who deserved every ounce of her efforts, not to mention, she cared about the man a great deal, but because, in her misplaced belief, it was her specific lack of action that led to the man getting hurt. If she had just listened to her gut instincts and gone in the house sooner, Dean's life might have been spared and that failure was absolutely crushing to the young girl's tender soul. The guilt was torturing her conscience with torment and unrest, making Ellie determined to actively and admirably do something. She knew what she was capable of and, this time, she was not going to wait idly with her thumb up her ass hoping for a miracle that would never come. She was done sitting back and waiting for the adults to 'handle' things.
She didn't know where the hell her uncle was, and as much as she wished it, she wasn't by his side where she belonged and couldn't do a damn thing to protect him. And it pained her, severely, to no end, despite her potential, he refused to allow her the means to save him. However, Ellie couldn't focus on the things couldn't do, as it would rip her young heart to shreds spiraling her into a depression and losing her sanity. In order to cope and survive, Ellie needed to purposefully focus on what she could do and she could save Dean, but this time the secretive girl wasn't about to ask for permission to do it and give them the opportunity to refuse. She was going to take matters into her own hands just like any brave Hunter would.
With her head dipped down, her navy ballcap and dark brown locks veiling her pensive expression in shadow, Ellie pressed her red tinted lips into a thin line of prudent hesitancy knowing she had to be excessively cautious in going about her plan. In order to look into spells, Ellie needed to get a hold of some grimoires, which were rare and hard to find, and although, the informed girl knew where some might be located, there was none anywhere in Indiana that she knew of. And even if, by some miracle, she were to get ahold of one, there wasn't any guarantee there would be anything of use within the books or even in her realm of ability to interpret it. And if that wasn't enough to have the odds stacked against her, she had to do all of this without Sam or Dean even getting a whiff of suspicion on what she was doing. Because if they did, not only would she be in danger of being condemned and loathed or flat-out seen as a freak meddling with the supernatural, but it could, ultimately, push them closer into finding out about her specific blood connection to witchcraft. It was excessively risky on all fronts and it had her nerves raddled in severe trepidation. There were so many factors that were against her that it all seemed so hopeless, but the desperate girl was determined to try. The man's life hung in the balance and, damn it, despite the odds, she was going to do something.
Ellie could feel a tightening pressure begin to swell across her forehead carrying all the way to the sides of her temples just under the tight rim of her navy ballcap. Ellie reached up and rubbed her palm and fingers firmly across her bowline pushing her navy cap up slightly higher on her forehead as she attempted to sooth the stress-filled headache that was coming on annoyingly quick, making Ellie clamp her gritted teeth even tighter together in a vexed grimace.
Ellie turned her head to the side to look at Sam's back once again who hadn't said a word to her for the past three hours. The man had been so engrossed in his urgent research that he scarcely said a meaningful word to Ellie in the past three days, except to order her to make more coffee, go to bed, eat something, or do some stupid exercise drill. Other than that, the man face was in a book, stacks of papers, or his laptop, drowning himself in research for a way to help Dean. And while Ellie understood and greatly appreciated his concentration and commitment, and was trying to remain respectful of the man's space to come up with a solution, it, ultimately, left Ellie alone to stew in her stress ridden and reckless thoughts alone. And while Ellie managed to remain respectful for the most part, saying her 'yes, sirs' and doing as she was told like the good little orderly she felt like, actively doing her part in aiding in the research, the rising sting of resentment she had been harboring towards the man for the past three days had not dissipated in the slightest. Despite her best efforts to bury the pain and forget about how much it hurt to see him leave, it only seemed to worsen by the long hours of silence.
Ellie's dark brows furrowed into a deep frown as she continued to stare at the man's broad back, an unpleasant and familiar sight of reminded rejection as she vividly recalled his tall frame walking away from the Impala four nights ago to go on his revenge crusade against his dad's orders. And little Ellie just couldn't stop the bitter hurt she was feeling from heating up in her gut. Ellie's lean jaw muscles bulged as she compressed her gritted teeth roughly together feeling an ache travel up towards her throbbing temples agitating her headache further. Despite her commendable effort to ignore the painful burn of rejection for the past three days within the close walls of the stuffy motel room, the tired and grumpy teenager found that she simply didn't have the energy nor the will to fight it anymore as it was continually sputtering and sparking in her gut like firecrackers intensifying at an astoundingly rapid rate, making it impossible for her to shrug off. There may have been a time where she could've forgiven and forgotten it without a word, but it was too late now as she cared far too much about the man to just let it roll off her back. Pressing questions whirled in her stress-filled mind heatedly- How could he just leave them like that? Did she and Dean really mean that little to him to walk away so abruptly and so easily?
With her slender jawline rigidly set in a firm line, Ellie huffed out a heated plume of air through her nose before uncrossing her stiff legs and shifting onto her knees. Completely forgetting about the minor injury she acquired in that horrid basement, once Ellie's bruised knees pressed up against the stiff springs of the cheap mattress, the young girl scrunched up her face into a pained grimace of aggravation. Everything little thing was becoming increasingly aggravating. Her knees hurt, her eyes burned, she had an irritating headache, she wasn't eating very well despite Sam's insistence, she barely slept, she'd been cooped up in a stuffy motel room with barely any fresh air for the past three day, reading horribly complex and dull medical books looking for a solution to help Dean get better, only to find the devastating reality that there was absolutely nothing medically that could be done! And if that wasn't enough to test the little girl's sanity, she was doing this all while trying to deal with the agonizing guilt of failing Dean, in addition to the newfound fears of possibly looking into satanic magic. All the while still haunted by the constant distress of not knowing if her uncle was dead or alive. To say the teenager was 'cranky' was the understatement of the century and, unfortunately for Sam, he was not on her favorite persons' list at the moment.
With her body stiffened in barely suppressed pique, feeling like a walking powder keg, Ellie placed her white socked feet onto the flattened fibers of the forest green carpet between the two queen beds feeling the tingling pricks of her compressed nerves poke at her feet annoyingly from her sitting crossed legged for over an hour, which only added to her seemingly endless list of aggravations she had to bear. With tense muscles, tinging feet and sore knees, Ellie rounded the foot of Sam's bed settling her feet directly in front of the Hunter who was seated at the foot of the queen bed. The man's tall toned frame was angled to his right with one leg bent onto the scratchy green striped comforter while the other dangled off the edge with his black socked foot planted on the disheveled green carpet. With his backside and leg indented into the stiff springs of the firm mattress, the man's focused profile was illuminated by the artificial glow of his opened laptop where his eyes laid fixedly on the screen in front of him scanning through the paragraph of interest carefully.
When Sam did not turn his head to look up at her right away, Ellie felt all the intense aggravation, that she had been keeping locked away over the past few days, finally erupt within her chest cracking her brittle restraint and searing her nerves with a sweltering potency. His lack of immediate response, gave the overly riled teenager the excuse she needed to tick the final box of limitless reasons to be pissed at the 'selfish' man. Although to be fair, Ellie was so close to losing it with her anger, that even if the man had the audacity to breath wrong, would have set the hormonal teenager off.
Litte and petty annoyances were becoming intolerable to the tired and angsty teenager who was, suddenly, having a tremendously hard time keeping a cap on her raving teenage hormones. Ellie couldn't rightly make sense of all the powerful and overwhelming emotions that were bombarding her young overburdened mind, sending her into a state of sheer frustration and confusion. All she knew was that she was angry at the man who didn't even have the common curiosity to look at her when she was right in front of him. Hell, why should she expect any regard from the man that left her? - Left her to deal with an impossible situation which, ultimately, led her to, despairingly, fail them and that was very hard for the little girl to take.
"Found anything?" Ellie inquired grumpily caring little about the tightness and impatience in her tone as she was too tired and testy to fake respect and keep her reeling emotions in check.
Sam did hear Ellie, but he was far too invested in reading important information about Reverand La Grange to answer her immediately. Once he finished the sentence he was on, the man had every intention of giving Ellie his full attention, but unfortunately for him, little Ellie could not be bothered to politely wait even a second longer for the man's consideration. His deliberate silence was just another excuse the moody and hurt teenager needed to be sent over the edge of her withered patience. She was done hiding the pain he brought her and, unfortunately for Sam, the tired and cranky girl wasn't prepared to do it civilly.
Ellie inhaled a brisk stream of hot air through her nose feeling her muscles flex harshly as the intense vexation swelled rapidly against the center of her heavy chest spreading a fuming heat through her veins fueling an indignant boldness within her.
The teenager's lips thinned out tightly into a resentful pout as her dark brows furrowed and the lines within her expression scowled bitterly feeling all the indignation she was keeping inside finally boil over onto the man. The possibility of Sam's intention to respond mattered little to the livid teenager, who was too tired, too stressed and too hurt to rationally give the man any grace and she heedlessly and immediately took his lack of response as further disregard and rejection, or, worse, utter indifference.
With the belief of rightful anger driving her courage, Ellie pushed aside any rational instinct on self-preservation and decided to say what was really on her mind. She was more than just a little upset with him and it was about time he knew it.
"You know, Dean was right, you are a selfish bastard." Ellie declared bitterly feeling her nerve endings tingle with instilled anxiety at the blatant disrespect, as she said it with shameless gusto and an attitude that was not only highly uncalled for, but almost had Ellie second guessing that it was actual her who spoke. However, the brazen little teen was angry enough, that she actively pushed away the natural feelings of guilt and, if she was being honest with herself, the healthy and hardy dose of instinctual fear that came with calling the 6'4 Hunter a 'selfish bastard'. Despite Ellie feeling it was true at the moment and Dean being the one who declared it first, it did not mean Ellie wasn't fully aware how outrageously disrespectful, inappropriate, and wrong it was for her adolescent-self to say, but at this point she was too far gone into her justified anger to care. Besides, there was small part of her that considered Sam the more 'lenient' and 'restrained' Winchester compared to Dean's hard ass mentality, foolishly giving her the additional naughty pluck she needed to say what she wished unchecked.
She was calculating and purposeful in her insult using Dean's own words against him as she hoped to strike a sensitive nerve within the man, wanting him to know a shred of the hurt she was feeling caused by his abandonment.
Sam felt the breath in this throat clog his airway as he almost chocked on his own spit. A rush of potent shock traveled up his spin straightening his hunched posture as his muscles tensed tautly against his skin under his dark grey sweater. Sam jerked his head to the side swiftly, the lines within his masculine features shaken in stunned abhorrence for a brief moment before his dark brows began to stiffen in deep and rigid censure. A surprisingly daunting shadow beginning to darken his face as he regarded the little girl with a poised, but severe disapproval, the outline of his old man's demeanor touching his features lightly.
"Excuse me, young lady?" Sam's commendably level voice reverberated calmly against his broad chest, his green eyes hardened as he glared at her with a firm and steady reproach absolutely astounded at not only her audacity to be so outrageously rude, but how abruptly her temper flared towards him in the span of only a few seconds. He had been so wrapped up in his research finding a way to help his dying brother, that he did not see this outburst coming from a mile away and he was caught completely off guard.
Sam expected her to yield, backpedal, or at least look half-way remorseful for her distasteful and damning disrespect, but the man received nothing of the kind as the bold little teenager crossed her arms over her petite chest, the folds within her bulky grey sweatshirt creasing against her slim torso. She popped out her slender denim-covered hip to the side slightly in the classic teenager girl pose of unapologetic defiance which had Sam fighting the urged to reach out and pop that little hip of her's back into its rightful place. With a rigidly poised expression on his harden features, Sam's green eyes swept up and down her insolent posture critically before cocking a warning eyebrow at her immature audacity to flamboyantly and shamelessly display her attitude so haughtily which irked Sam's nerves to a grave extent as he felt the intelligent little girl was above this kind of bratty behavior. Whether it was his strong care for the teenager or his deeply instilled values, Sam held her to a higher standard of character and expectation. He knew, she knew better.
A spark of frustration burst against his chest spreading an intensifying aggravation throughout his veins, heating up his blood with strong intolerance as Ellie unashamedly had the further gall to locked eyes with him, challenging him with a sour and pretentious glare.
"Oh, so you can hear me now?" Ellie snarked spitefully, her voice taking on a sassy and barefaced arrogance that was dreadfully distasteful to Sam's mature ears, not at all like the teenager he knew. Ellie was known to cast a rude and defensive comment from time to time, like most teenagers trying to handle their raving hormones, but this was unusually and bluntly aggressive with not one ounce of timid shame or even a rational fear of consequences. And Sam found himself bafflingly repulsed by this newfound arrogance. It was almost like she was looking for a fight.
It was no secret she wanted his attention, but, judging by her deplorable attitude, the astute man concluded there was more too it then that and he was certain the angry girl would have no problem filling him in.
"Well, that's convenient." Ellie mocked scoffingly rolling her russet brown eyes upwards in a rude outer display of contempt. Of course, he would only give her attention when she swore at him. Anything else, she was certain, he would have kept his face in his laptop, which only further proved to the blindly resentful girl that he held no regard for her, heedlessly dismissing all other rational possibilities in the man's favor.
Sam frowned at her deeply, the ridges in his stern expression weighted down in a heavy and dangerously poised disapproval. The fringe of his shaggy brown bangs grazed the tops of his dark lashes as he dipped his cleft chin down ever so slightly. She was dangerously close to crossing into territory that the tightly reigned man, like his father, had little stomach for – deliberate disrespect.
"You better rein in the attitude, Elena, now." Sam advised in a gravely serious, but controlled manner, his calm voice dipping to a lower warning tone unknowingly imitating his old man to a 'T'.
"Or what?" Ellie snapped boldly leaning her body forward in a belligerent and challenging manner, her straight brown locks fanning forward with her movement brushing against both sides of her rosy freckled cheeks. Despite her outward boldness, inwardly Ellie's heart was hammering against her tight chest like a jackhammer as her body was physically alerting her to her stupidity. However, the tired and stressed teenager, with her hormones raging and emotions ramping wildly unchecked, she stubbornly and actively pushed her fears of consequences aside channeling all her focus on the one simple dominating fact - she was in pain.
"You'll leave in the middle of night again?" Ellie bluntly and scornfully reminded him exposing the source of her grievance towards the man, the lines within her sullen expression etched with a pain-filled anger and personal offense. Saying what was eating at her for days out loud seemed to open-up a flood gate of intense emotions as the hurt began to spread and swell to every inch of her agitated body setting her aching nerves on fire.
Sam felt the powerful blow of her words knock against his chest harshly feeling the bitter shrapnel of her hurt pierce into his skin as his kind heart began to bleed with a painful regret. The man Adam's apple dipped against his throat as he visibly swallowed, but to his credit, his face remained stoically and calmly poised as his eyes stayed attentively fixed on the hurt little girl in front of him. The admirably composed man straightened his posture, mentally preparing himself for the onslaught of resentful words that were sure to follow. It was clear the girl needed to get some things off her chest and Sam was prepared to take the brunt of the consequences of his decision to leave that night.
"We needed you! And you weren't there!" Ellie exclaimed with harsh blame as she jerked her arms away from her chest, straightening them stiffly at her sides. Feeling herself rile with fierce emotions, Ellie balled her fist tightly impeding her nails into the soft palms of her hands shaking slightly as all the suppressed indignation finally poured out of her.
"How could you do that to Dean? To me?" Ellie accused sharply leaning her body forward in an impassioned manner as she pointed a firm finger at her chest showing the man who he had selfishly abandoned, just like her uncle had. Ellie didn't rightly understand why, but she paralleled his leaving with her uncle's. Although for different reasons, the agonizing pain was exactly the same. They both left, disregarding her feelings entirely, dismissing the pain it brought her as inconsequential compared to their personal wishes. Despite understanding the justified reasoning behind their absence - her uncle's need to protect her and Sam's burdening loss and need for revenge, and there was an admirable part of her that held sympathy for their resolves, but it didn't make the hurt any less tormenting for the young teenager's heart to cope with. Did her pain mean nothing? Was she really that insignificant to him to be overlooked?
Although her words were riled in anger, there was a clear underlining pain and fear that weaving within her combative tone as she allowed her battered heart to dictate her words unchecked and the astute Hunter on the receiving end fully noticed.
"If you were there to back him up, none of this would have happened!" Ellie blamed with severe outrage bellowing her words at the man in the hopes of penetrating a part of him that cared about just how damaging and painful his desertion was to both her and Dean. Ellie felt her heart grow intensely heavy with burden as it began to bleed into guilt-ridden torment and shame. Despite the pain Sam's absence brought her, leaving her to deal with the horrible unforeseen situation all on her own, Ellie knew deep down in her troubled little heart that the real guilt lied on her shoulders entirely. Needing and wishing Sam to had been there didn't change the fact that he wasn't. She was the one there and she was the only one that could have helped Dean in that moment, but she failed. And that, in itself, was a distressingly impossible burden to deal with for the young thirteen-year-old. She was looking for someone to share the burden, the blame, and the pain of it all because she simply could not carry it all on her own.
Ellie felt her lungs become constricted and her breathing become short and quickened by the damaging stress her words were bringing her. Her adolescent emotions were whirling so fast and so aggressive that it felt like her head might explode from the intense frustration and confusion of it all. Despite, having to deal with an abundance of difficult things as a Hunter's kid, and for the most part cope unnaturally well under the circumstances, her young developing mind had immense trouble wrapping her head around something so intensely distressing as to feel responsible for someone's demise, which would have the average adult testing their sanity. Although, her angry words were a cry for help, it was a crying shame she had surpassed all desires to remain civil.
"You were a fucking asshole for leaving us! And Dean wouldn't be dying right now if you weren't such a selfish bastard who put himself in front of everything and EVERYONE!" Ellie's young angry voice boomed the last word, punctuating it sharply so Sam wouldn't mistake her meaning as she poured all of her pain out onto him mercilessly, caring little about her foul language as she heedlessly felt it was fitting, deserved, and just.
Never taking his fixed eyes off the girl for a second, Sam inhaled a hallowed breath through his nose feeling his chest rise with hot air before steadily releasing the channeled air back through his nostrils as he willed himself, with considerable effort, to remain restrained and composed and not give into his first impulse to jerk the belligerent girl over his knee for one hell of a lesson in civility. If it wasn't for the circumstances and Sam's awareness and understanding that her lashing out was stemmed from fear and pain, she'd be getting an up close and personal view of the dirty compressed fibers of the musty green carpet right about now.
This wasn't the first time Sam was faced with severe and hostile scrutiny towards him going his own way. There was a time he used to let it tear him apart to the point of depression as he allowed others to make him feel guilty for following his own path. His old man gave him the brunt of it, most of the time. Any time his wants differed from outside the realm of Hunting, he would get more than an ear-full about his so-called selfishness and defensive detachment. The recollection from when he left for Standford flooded back into his memory recalling the horrible fight that transpired between him and his old man as he dared to take control of his own life and assert his right pursue his aspirations. Yet, despite having experienced hostilely for his personal decisions to leave in the past, it did not make it any less difficult to hear, especially coming out of Ellie's little mouth.
Sam acknowledged the part his absence played in the unforeseen tragedy that occurred and there was no lack of guilt and pain that weigh heavily against his kind heart for not being there at that particularly moment to supply his aid. And he would take the consequences his decision to leave brought, but the assertive and strong-minded Hunter was not going to become a personal punching bag for Ellie's anger nor was he going allow the sassy teenager to speak to him with such blatant disrespect. There was a line in Sam's mind that was crossed and while his younger-self might have accepted it, those years of just taking it were long behind him. While he understood and accepted her angry towards him and knew she was in a considerable amount of pain and confusion trying to handle the excessive weight of Dean dying, one thing was for damn sure, she was not going to handle it by screaming and cussing in his face like she was some spoiled little hellion who didn't hold one ounce of instilled respect. Sam validated her pain, confusion, and anger, but that did not mean he was going accept the nasty belligerent behavior from the teenager had come to care deeply about. Unbeknownst to Sam, just like his authoritative old man, he not only expected a certain level of respect, he demanded it.
"Walk away from me, young lady, and get a hold of yourself." Sam's commendably collected, but dangerously stern voice reverberated deeply within his throat carrying a biting and testy edge to it. The ridges within the Hunter's stern expression were sharp and defined, holding a daunting severity to it that unknowingly mimicked the shadow of his father.
"Dot it, now." Sam commanded forcefully, his deep voice rising with barely suppressed pique, as he extended his arm out and jabbed a demanding finger towards the small section of the room that was divided by a half wall where the tiny kitchenette and the bathroom were located.
Ellie wasn't the only one who was tired, testy, and stress beyond sanity. The man was burdened with the seemingly impossible task of finding a way to save his dying brother within the span of a few weeks, the last thing he needed was a belligerent thirteen-year-old cussing at him. While Sam's patient and understanding nature might have calmly attempted to talk it out with her in the moment, the girl destroyed that opportunity as soon as 'fucking asshole' came out her adolescent mouth. She was out of line and crossed into a boundary the self-assured Hunter had no intention of accepting and was not about to engage in a shouting match with an adolescent little girl who was seeing nothing but red.
If she wanted to blame him and condemn him for his decision, that was fine. Despite the harsh pain it brought him, it was her choice to feel what she wanted to and he would take ownership of the consequences and bear the responsibility leading to Dean's predicament. If she needed someone to blame in all this, the honorable man was prepared to shoulder every ounce of it as he saw it as his responsibility as not only Dean's brother, but as grown man to undertake the weight of it all. He gave her the understanding and the right to be pissed all she wanted, and part of him, even thought it was natural and fitting she felt that way as the guilt of not being there for his brother and Ellie was tormenting him greatly, but he'd be damned if he let her cuss him out and deliberately disrespect him to such a degree. Not only because he was a self-respecting man who stood by a moral code of conduct, but because the dangerous world they lived in did not atone for insubordination and did not take kindly reckless and arrogant behavior. Angry or not, she did not get to act like an unchecked and spoiled civilian kid, a true testament for his strong care for her that ran deeper than his simple responsibility to protect and provide.
Walk away? WALK AWAY?!
Ellie's ears burned with heat feeling the rage within her boil her blood with a dangerous vigor at Sam's firm command. With her mind too full with anger, leaving little room for anything else to penetrate her senses, Ellie took that as a direct dismissal and yet another disregard towards her person and her feelings. Were her feelings so unimportant to this man that she didn't even get the common courtesy of a response back?!
She expected him to yell back, deny, accept, or hell, tell her off for cussing at him at the very least, but she received nothing, but what she saw as cold dismissal and total indifference. Did any of her words mean a goddamn thing to this man? Or was she just too much of a bother to be listened to or conversed with?
Ellie's heart was bleeding, swelling, and pulsing with a potent hurt that seemed to encompass her entire chest with a sweltering ache. The resentful teenager had no intention of walking away to 'get a hold of herself', nor did she have the will to do it. She had been keeping this inside for far too long and wasn't about to let it go just because the Hunter couldn't handle what she had to say or just didn't want to hear it. Indignant determination set within the fibers of Ellie's muscles as she hyped herself up with a blinding and concentrated outrage. She was going to make him listen and respond to her, one way or another, whether he liked it or not.
Unfortunately, what Ellie utterly failed to recognize, Sam's purpose for ordering her to walk away, was a very generous gesture to spare her from the terrible hole she dug herself into. Too blinded by red to see, Sam was giving her an out, a reprieve, a chance to come to her senses before the cap on his spent patience blew and she end up further down shit's creek. Although her behavior was nasty, belligerent, and completely unacceptable to say the least, Sam recognized the circumstances were enormously burdensome and lashing out was not an unnatural response within someone as young as Ellie and he was graciously willing to grant her the opportunity for the clemency he would have never gotten with his father. However, unfortunately, it would seem Ellie was too wrapped up in her anger to come to a logical conclusion that involved anything positive about the 'selfish' man that deserted her and Dean, and she heedlessly decided to forgo any rational discerning letting her rash desperation to be heard immediately dictate her actions.
Ellie daringly glared at him for a long beat feeling the desperate frustration whirl inside her violently, as her chest rose and fell in short huffy breath, her nostrils flaring slightly. Sam met her challenging glare feeling his teeth grit and his face muscles tense as his jaw fixed into a rigid and pronounced line of unyielding resolve keeping his stern finger pointed towards the kitchen area. With every long tick of silence, Sam felt his brittle patience become tested and strained to its limit, fighting with everything he had to remain restrained.
With her red tinted lips pursed into a thin line of combative defiance, Ellie's eyes quickly cut away from the Hunter's heavy glare down to his open laptop that sat to the left of him. It was something she deemed valuable to him, something that she, illogically, felt he held more regard for then her. Ellie's brown eyes, glinting with hostile bitterness, briefly cut back to Sam's pinning glower, that had not deviated from her for even a second, before darting back to her target of interest. Feeling her seething nerves drive her fortitude, a spark of grit and desperation ignited within her and she, foolishly, gave into her impulse. With nothing, but retaliation on her adolescent mind, the reckless girl, took a swift and bold step forward reaching her slim arm out and angrily swept it across the left half of the bed under Sam's outstretched arm, that was still pointing stiffly towards the kitchenette section of the room. Ellie's whizzing palm smacked against the center of the illuminated screen of his laptop with a thudding pop, sending it flipping over on its end and tumbling off the bed. The Dell computer crashed against the flattened fibers of the shaggy forest green carpet, along with a few papers and a silver book prop that her sweeping forearm and bicep had caught on the way.
Ellie leaped her white socked feet backwards, like she had just been zapped with a jolt of static, as an immediate shock washed over her face paling her features with an 'oh shit' realization. A gasp clog halfway in her throat as her brown russet eyes were rounded in dumbfounded horror as she stared at the mess she produced on the floor. That was bad, very bad, and Ellie knew it. A wave of panic started to set into her conscience and tense her muscles with profound terror becoming alarmingly aware of just how utterly stupid that was.
Oh shit.
"I'm sorry." That 'sorry' flew out of her mouth like she was hitting the buzzer in a high stakes game. Self-perseveration snapped back into her common sense so fast it was embarrassing as she was faced with the damning reality of what she had done. Never had she, ever, to her recollection, knocked something to the floor in anger like a toddler having a tantrum. It was rash, immature, and just plain stupid and the remorse was instant. However, she was a day late and a dollar short and if she thought Sam, the patient and understanding Winchester, was going to be 'softer' or more 'lenient' than his older brother in this moment, she had highly miscalculated on that. Sam may be kind-hearted and more patient than Dean, but he was assertively confident in himself and was no doormat to be walked over nor disrespected to such a degree. Ellie, despite the evidence to the contrary at present, was an intelligent and observant girl and, deep down, she knew this. It was just a crying shame she did not heed to it sooner. He was a Hunter, not some passive babysitter and Ellie found out just how much when Sam snapped his attention from the mess on the floor back to Ellie. His wide green eyes flashed and sparked with appalled fury, what sympathy and understanding he was holding onto was rapidly replaced with an overwhelming sense of being utterly God-smacked with outrage.
TBC
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