Chapter 4
Parker sat by herself, looking out the window. Cas rose, ignoring the continuing bickering Dean, Bobby, and Sam were having with Nate and Eliot about the need to separate, and he moved to stand near her. He sensed Hardison's eyes following him and turned to see the scowl on his face. Parker glanced up, her eyes locking with his for a moment before she turned away.
"This is all my fault," she whispered, tears overflowing her eyes and rolling down her face. "I try to do better, and I honestly thought I was better but then it was just so easy, and I didn't think anyone would get hurt."
"Your tears show me your true soul." Cas reached out and gently wiped away a tear. Parker squeezed her eyes shut with a sigh.
"When you touch me, I see myself through your eyes, but I'm not that person. I've never been her…I just don't know how to be." Angrily, she wiped her cheeks. "Please don't expect me to be."
Sitting down beside her, Cas put his finger under her chin and tilted her face up, his eyes searching hers. "Parker…He doesn't expect you not to sin. He expects you to know your sins, respect them and learn from them. You are flawed; all humans are. But your flaws are beautiful. They create the person you are. And what right do I, his servant, have to expect more than He does?"
Parker closed her eyes tightly, pulling away from him. "You want me to give you the sword, but my heart tells me that is wrong. I don't think it's selfishness or greed that makes me keep it. It's the fact that I know…one day, I will need it to save someone I love…one of them. Maybe that is selfishness but…they saved me, they made me believe that one day I could be good, worthy and deserving of happiness. They filled my heart with love and gave my life purpose. I would die for them. And I know that they would die for me…"
"Then I will not ask it of you. I'll save you from this future you face, take you away from here to protect you," Cas replied, rising and taking her hand.
"No…I can't leave them. They need me and I need them. It's nothing I can explain but I know that without them I won't be brave enough to do what I need to do."
"She's not going anywhere," Hardison stood, his arms crossed over his chest and glaring at Castiel. "I don't know who you are, I don't care who you are, but she isn't going anywhere she doesn't want to. I can damn sure promise that."
"You love her," Castiel observed Hardison for a moment before adding. "You cannot protect her. I was drawn here for a reason… for her. What can you do to protect her?"
"The question isn't what I can do, it's what wouldn't I do to protect her. Can you say the same? You're an Angel of the Lord. Your allegiance is to God." Hardison stepped closer to Parker, crouching down before her, taking her hands in his own. "But what do you want to do? Ignoring the alpha males snarling and trying to out-bark each other. Listen to your heart and tell me, what do you want, Parker? You know all we want is for you to be safe."
The room grew quiet, and Parker knew everyone was listening to her now. "I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me. Eliot could have died earlier, and I don't believe that Nate was in a bar fight. I cannot lose you or Sophie…any of you. Maybe it's just best if I leave, so you'll all be safe. Bobby said there were other angels here. Won't they help me?"
Cas glanced at Dean and Sam before shaking his head, answering her in a quiet voice, "I do not know. I no longer understand the actions of my brothers."
The room was silent again as the team tried to comprehend the meaning of Cas' words. "I know you all think we brought this trouble into your life, but we're trying to protect you. I beg you to trust us, give us time to sort this out. You're good for each other, you make each other stronger as a team, but…you think a demon attack is bad? What if one of you is possessed? Are you ready and prepared to deal with that?" Sam looked at each of them for a moment. "It's a terrible fate for anyone, but imagine how it feels to watch someone you love go through it. And you might not survive it because no matter how you feel about each other as humans, you will destroy one another if you're possessed. The demon takes over all of your thoughts, all of your actions."
"How can you protect us from that?" Sophie asked, rising and standing before Dean. "You keep promising to protect us but so far, I haven't heard how. I'm not going to banter back and forth about who needs to be in charge: I want to know your plan to protect us. If you want my trust, give me a reason to trust you, not empty promises."
"I've battled demons for most of my life and I've only died once," Dean retorted then grew serious. "There are ways to defeat them; ways to send them back to hell. If you can't trust us to do it for you, trust us to teach you how." Pointing to Eliot, he added, "But he can't beat them into hell. Bravery and fighting skills will only get him killed sooner, rather than later. He almost died at that bar earlier and he was only fighting one demon. I know…you're used to taking care of yourselves, but you can't do it alone. Not this."
Eliot glanced away before turning to Sophie and saying, "You all trust me to protect you, and I hope that'll never change and I don't let you down, but as much as it kills me to admit this, he's right. I can't do this alone. I can barely handle one of them, much less a group of them. I'm willing to sacrifice my pride so I don't have to sacrifice the safety of any of you."
Dean nodded slowly in Eliot's direction. "We're safe here for now. Let us show you how. If you don't want our help after that…well, you'd be a moron but we'll back off."
"What about Meg? Can you handle Meg?" Nate asked solemnly, sitting down and clutching his side. Dean's head snapped in his direction.
Eliot rushed to him, realizing suddenly how hurt Nate was. The mastermind sagged back in the chair, allowing the hitter to examine him, his torso showing purple and black bruises from internal bleeding. His breath catching in his throat whenever Eliot found new injuries. Dean cleared his throat, and Eliot found the two brothers giving meaningful glances at each other. When Sophie stepped toward Eliot and Nate, Dean stopped her while Sam approached the two men uneasily, saying in a quiet voice, "He…could already be possessed. We need to make sure he's not."
Studying Nate's face, Eliot hesitated before stepping back. A deep breath, then swallowing the rage at the thought, he finally nodded, saying, "If he is, you can't kill him. Or I will end you."
"No! What are you going to do to him?" Sophie tried to stop them, but Dean held her firm. Nate looked at Eliot and nodded slowly, accepting his fate, whatever it was. Eliot's eyes pleaded with Sophie for understanding.
"It won't hurt him," Dean assured Sophie quietly, trying to soothe her. "A little holy water and rock salt, that's it. Basically, painless if he's not a demon."
Sophie pushed against Dean's chest, forcing him to let her go. "And if he is a demon? It will kill him, won't it? And if Nate is still in there, if he can be saved, it'll be too late. No, I won't allow it. And frankly I cannot believe you will, Eliot." Her glare in his direction met with steely determination.
When she moved towards Nate, Eliot crossed in front of him, to meet her face to face. "You know I wouldn't do this if there was another option. It's my job to protect everyone on our team, even if it's from each other. And Nate, if that's really him, would tell you the same thing. He'd want me to do that, no matter what the risk is to his personal safety. So let me do my job and make decisions about our safety. Sam, just do it."
Sophie shook her head in disbelief, the sting of betrayal on her face, and stepped away from Eliot. The hitter watched her, ready to stop her if she tried to interfere. He heard Nate coughing and tensed before Sam said in a relieved voice, "He's not possessed. Cas, you need to heal him. He's really in bad shape."
Hardison turned slowly back to the window; already sensing what he'd feared would happen. Castiel was gone, and he'd taken Parker with him. The room erupted into arguments again with a nice little shoving match between Dean and Eliot, but Hardison blocked them out. With Parker gone, he didn't care about the angels or demons, or who was going to help them solve this. All he cared about was getting her back, whatever it took.
xOxOx
Dean landed on the floor with a thud and slammed his back into the cabinets, due in large part to Eliot's boot in his midsection. Sophie and Sam pulled the hitter away, but Dean fumed as he rose. "Have I mentioned we're trying to help you? We certainly didn't know Cas planned to take her. In case you haven't noticed, he frequently comes and goes on his own. She'll be safe with him though. You, on the other hand, are going to seriouslypiss me off if you don't stop acting like an enraged rhino every time plans change. Get over it. Seriously, you need to learn to deal. You can't go through life hitting people when you don't get your way."
"Hell yes I can!" Eliot yelled, pushing Sam away, but since he wasn't willing to hurt Sophie, he silently seethed in Dean's direction. "You tell me to trust you, then your winged friend takes Parker to God knows where. For all we know, he's taken her for good. Get him back. Now."
"How? Dial 1-900-Angel?" Bobby retorted, receiving a glare from Sam.
Rubbing his temples, Sam explained as calmly and rationally as he could to the testosterone-filled room. "Even if we could call him, Cas won't come back if he feels there is a threat to someone he is trying to protect. Maybe he is protecting her, but there is a real possibility he's protecting all of us. Your friend has something in her that Cas picked up on. If he can, maybe the other angels can, and they'll be drawn to her."
"I'm still unclear how having angels on our side is a bad thing," Nate muttered weakly. "Angels of Death…now I could see them being a bad omen but angels on a whole are bad?"
"They all have their own agenda. Some of them have an agenda that isn't conducive to human survival," Bobby explained before admitting, "Cas is basically a good one. A pain in the ass most of the time, but as far as angels go, he's good. She'll be safe. You have my word."
"Sorry, but your word means absolutely nothing to me," Sophie threw at Bobby. "All of you men are asking for trust and giving me your word like it's something you expect me to accept easily. I've…well, we've all learned over the years what trust is and don't give it away so easily. Now Castiel took Parker. You cannot convince me to trust you."
"Please," Hardison said, softly, but it caused the others to remember him being in the room with them. "Please just get her back. Or tell us what we need to do to get her back." His voice sounded defeated, and he leaned against the wall, not facing any of them.
Eliot ran his hands through his hair, frustrated, yet determined. "We'll get her back, man. Until then, I need you guys to show us what we need to do for protection. I want to know how to kill a demon or an angel if I have to."
"Alright, I'll teach you, but you lay another hand…or foot on me, I'm giving you a good old-fashioned ass whooping," Dean stood up, brushing off his jeans. "For now, I suggest someone giving me the rock salt from our car and maybe one of those instant ice pack things."
"Aww, do you have an ouchie and no angel to fix it?" Eliot mocked him and received a frustrated sigh from Sophie. "What? He left himself open."
"Haha, you got in trouble…" Dean snarked, before muttering, "Asswipe."
Bobby rolled his eyes and walked towards the door. "Great, the moron has an evil twin. The world can't handle two of them."
The door slammed dramatically, and Sophie walked over to Sam, saying under her breath, "I honestly don't know which one is supposed to be evil."
"It boggles the mind, doesn't it?" Sam said, and the two of them proceeded to help Nate into the bedroom to lie down.
xOxOx
"Do you remember this place?" Castiel's voice was barely a whisper on the breeze, but Parker heard him and nodded. She closed her eyes and exhaled, trying to calm her inner turmoil but the tears burned her eyes. Sensing him watching her, she stepped closer to the edge of the roof. She knew she wouldn't fall but wondered if he realized that or if he would be concerned.
"You feel safer the closer you are to falling." A statement, not a question, so she just nodded. Castiel stepped up to stand beside her. "If you fall from here, you'll die. Is that what you want?"
"I won't fall."
"You are calmer, more in control of your emotions. I know I won't die yet I feel uneasy here…I have wings."
"But I can fly without wings." Parker smiled, inner peace giving her some sense of serenity. The sun warmed her face, and she stretched her arms out, sensing she could touch it. "I think I was meant to have wings. Things are easier here than on the ground."
"Because you're alone and you're used to being alone." Castiel brushed her hair back, resting his hand on her shoulder. Parker didn't pull away like she normally would if someone touched her like that. There was a strange comfort in it, but it was painful, like it wasn't meant to be, or it was too much for her to endure. It made her soul ache.
"I'm rarely alone anymore. And people care if I'm gone…they notice, they worry."
"Because they love you," Cas replied and Parker felt funny when he said it. Opening her eyes, she turned to him. "Because he loves you, even though you deny him."
Parker blushed and almost took a step back, but Castiel held her shoulder. His eyes made her feel like he was trying to read her mind, which scared her, and she finally did step away, withdrawing from him and into herself for a moment.
Castiel made a sound, like he began to say something but stopped. After a long time, he said, "I'll leave you for a while or I can take you back now."
Her mind raced. She knew the others would be worried and she should go back. But part of her needed this, needed to be back here, where it all started. So, she whispered, "Just ten more minutes."
Castiel walked away, standing on the other side of the roof and Parker moved back to her perch, remembering when she first came here, the first time she let herself fall. She'd been wearing a harness, but it wasn't tested. It wasn't safe at this height, according to all sources. But she sensed she could do it so she had let herself fall and waited until she had plunged twenty stories, pushing the boundaries of how far she should free fall before she stopped. It had been nighttime, and she had been much younger. It was many stolen jewels ago. If she measured her life by stolen jewels, it was near her birth, but it also ended part of her life. The part that tried to fit in with normal people died that night because she didn't need anyone else if she could fly. She was always alone but never felt lonely after that night.
Now her heart ached when she thought of a time when the others wouldn't be there. She often wondered if it was easier when she had no one, but she also had no one to lose.
She turned suddenly and called out to Castiel, "Will you catch me?" With an impish grin, she leaned backwards, free falling through the air. He waited until the last moment to catch her and the rush of it filled her with such peace. Cas' lips brushed against her forehead, lingering but a moment before clutching her tightly to him, her head resting on his chest. He heard her whisper, "I knew you'd catch me. But now I must go back."