A/N Took me longer than I thought to get this piece out, but I suppose it's leagues better than putting it aside for a year. Oh and before I forget to the reviewer for Gesprekken named "Natalie." I would give you an answer to your question but you reviewed as a guest so I don't really have any means to contact you.
But now on to the show
12:08
Kim was standing behind the bathroom door when Ron threw it open.
"Hey," Ron uttered suppressing the fact that he was taken aback by her sudden appearance.
"I was looking for you." Kim glanced past him into the bathroom. "You were in there for a pretty long time."
"Well honestly, I was just y'know-panicking."
"Panicking about what?"
"Well-well-the thing is-I," Ron raised his eyebrows in an attempt to look serious. But as he met Kim's eyes he couldn't find the words he needed to grant him an early escape. He couldn't leave, not like this anyway. Not when she said she needed his help, something he easily recalled now that she was standing there in front of him. In fact to his amazement with Kim standing there he realized that, it wasn't just that he couldn't leave but he didn't want to leave.
"Can't a man panic in the privacy of his own home?" He shrugged.
"This isn't your house."
"Touché."
Kim waited for a beat. "So are you going to tell me what you were panicking about?"
"This-and-that, the economy, disappearing bees, kids getting trapped in hot air balloons, the usual."
"Sooo, you're not going to tell me why you were panicking are you?"
"It's for the best."
"Right," Kim sniffed.
The curious sniffing sent warning alarms in Ron's mind. He took a moment to study her face. "So you were looking for me?"
"I was just checking up on how you were getting along with everyone."
"Are you OK?" Ron blurted out.
It was as if Ron had been watching Kim on DVD and he had pressed the pause button. She completely froze, even her breathing stopped. Ron couldn't be sure, but it looked like time itself stood still around her as she decided on an appropriate response. After a few seconds Kim came back to life.
"I'm fine."
She pushed a strand of hair from her face and sniffed for a second time.
"Yeah my, 'it's not fine,' radar is going off like Fourth of July fireworks."
Kim opened her mouth to speak but closed it a second later. Eventually she chuckled to herself and said, "I'm having some trouble matching my grandmother's moves."
"You did pretty well last night."
"I know but, I can't-get it back for some reason."
"Do you have to match her moves?"
"I do," She said adamantly.
Ron formed a pyramid with his fingers and thumbs and placed the point to his lips, then politely pointed to her while saying, "See, that's your Kimness talking."
She gave him a quizzical look. "Well, I am Kim? What's wrong with that?"
"Your natural competitive Kimness has taken you to a very dark place."
She sighed, "You know what; I just need a little bit more practice. Everything is fine."
She brushed past him, entering the bathroom and forcing Ron to quickly hop out of the doorway. Before he could say another word the door slammed shut in front of him.
"My, 'everything is not fine,' advisory system is at high orange!" he shouted at the closed door.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
1:30 PM
Kim looked down at her lap where she held Pandaroo in a tender grasp. The doll's journey from a bag filled with her clothes to her lap had been an abrupt one. And it happened far quicker than Kim would have liked to admit. Her eyes cut from Pandaroo to her laptop. The clip of Nana's performance on U.S Bandstand had been on repeat and the show had just looped back to the beginning. With the light of a few decades shining upon it the "Rubberband dance," didn't just seem difficult, but also functionally absurd. It was a novelty dance routine that attempted to seamlessly incorporate every dance step the disco era had to offer. The "California Hustle," the "electric slide," the "John Travolta point," it had it all. And if that wasn't enough, you had to do most of the performance with an elastic band accessory. The elastic band was not far from what most health buffs these days would call a resistance band.
Sure the "egg beater," was a fairly simple maneuver to perform with your hands held together but YMCA was a pain, and it was nigh impossible to do a graceful rendition of the classic, "oops upside your head." Heck, good luck doing the "Pogo," with both hands holding up one end of the band and your feet holding down the other end. Yes it was truly absurd, yet as Kim watched Nana dance she couldn't help but see the art in motion, the beauty in movement. Indeed her grandmother was a special woman.
Kim held Pandaroo out in front of her and made the doll dance in time with the music. When the dance routine ended Kim made the doll bow deeply to the applause of the studio audience.
That was when Ron barged into the room.
"Alright, you can't make good pie without pre-heating the oven for ten minutes. So that gives me just enough me time to do what needs to be done."
Kim glanced up briefly before hiding Pandaroo behind her back. Ignoring this, Ron continued into the room. He reached into his pocket and fished out his cell phone. He took Kim's right hand and placed the phone into it. "You see this phone it's got an unlimited plan. You know what else is unlimited...your potential."
"I'm not really sure what's going on here," Kim replied with confusion in her voice.
"Just bear with me KP, I'm trying to motivate you."
Kim slowly stood up. "It's not a matter of motivation Ron, I can't match my grandmother's movement and her grace and-"
"Who said anything about matching? You're totally going to do better."
With her trademarked arched brow Kim said. "Am I missing something here?"
"Yeah, you're missing your eye of the tiger. You know you got it KP, it's the cream of the fight, rising up to the challenge of our rival and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night and he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger."
"So you're quoting lyrics to me now."
"I'm trying to make a point." Ron countered.
"That I'm an Italian boxer from Philadelphia looking to go the distance?"
"Yes-I mean no-just listen to me alright, just listen."
"I'm all ears."
Ron inhaled and exhaled loudly. "What I'm saying here is that you are special."
Kim paused as her gaze softened
"KP?" Ron said hesitantly.
She shook her head. "Yeah sorry that's a bit much don't you think? It would be a little conceited if I thought myself special."
"OK Madam modesty, I'm not saying you're better than anyone else. I'm saying no one else is you. You're Kim Possible, if you put your mind your mind to it, you can do anything."
A small smile snuck into Kim's face. "It still kind of sounds braggy… but thanks, I appreciate it."
She started to turn towards her laptop but Ron put his hands on her shoulders and twisted her to face him.
"OK, before you go back to practicing, there's something I've wanted to ask and it's been bugging me all day."
Kim glanced at his hands on her shoulders, before meeting his gaze.
"Shoot."
"Are you having any fun?"
"What?" Kim exclaimed.
"There is a party out there and you're in here practicing. So I'm asking, are you having any fun?"
"Yes I am." She said after a moment's hesitation.
"Really?" Ron said skeptically
"What does it matter if I'm having fun or not?"
"It matters a lot."
"What does it matter to you?"
"What does it matter, to you?" Ron countered.
"You know what matters to me getting this performance down. Now if you don't mind…" Kim said letting her words trail off.
Ron did not move at initially. Kim could sense, could tell that he had something more to say. But she wasn't sure what he would say next. There came a long pause between them instead. His voice, when it came, she noticed was much lower than usual. "OK, I'll be downstairs if you need me."
When he turned to leave she turned back to the laptop.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
7 PM
The tribute show was never meant to be an extravagant affair. And it certainly wasn't, the porch was the stage and the audience, or more specifically the Possible family plus one, were seated in plastic lawn chairs in the backyard.
"I see you've decided to stay." Nana Possible said as she grabbed a seat beside Ron.
"I'm as surprised as you are." He replied with a grin.
"I can't honestly say, I'm not all that surprised," Nana said staring forward.
Not knowing how to respond to that Ron simply said, "Um, OK."
"So how is Kimberly Anne? Whom, I've yet to see this evening."
"Kim is-working hard to get this performance done right."
"Good. Would you say she's working harder than she needs too?"
"Well, I think she's-a hard worker by heart."
"Of course. I am aware she's a hard worker, it's a fine characteristic to have."
"Most of the time," Ron muttered softly.
Nana glanced at him thoughtfully than she looked away; she glanced at him once more time and then turned away again. "That's, a fair, point."
Abruptly Joss plopped herself down in a free seat to Ron's left. "Hey there!"
"Ack!" Ron said practically falling off his seat.
"Ack?" Joss looked him over. "You're a jumpy feller aint ya?"
"I jump when people startle me."
Joss fixed her gaze on Ron and he squirmed a bit under the scrutiny of her studying eyes. "I'm still having a hard time figuring you out."
Ron nodded, "I understand completely, I'm a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in confusion. But yet, that doesn't really explain why you're so curious."
"I happen to be curious by nature." Joss glanced around before leaning in close. "Now, scuttlebutt going around is that you snuck into Kim's room last night?"
Ron quickly ran both hands across his face. "OK, first things first, what exactly is a scuttlebutt?"
"You know rumors, back-fence talk, suppositions."
"Ah, I did sneak back into the house but only to help Kim practice her dance routine."
A conspiratorial look, a mischievous look, came over Joss' face. "Is that what they call 'it,' in the city?"
Ron chuckled nervously as he glanced over his shoulders. "You're funny-that's funny-you're a funny-young lady. Too young actually, that's a rated R kind of joke."
Joss slapped him on the back in a good ol' country boy, sort of way. "Don't get so anxious –like I'm just messin' with ya."
"No, I get it. We're just kidding around here. But let me ask you something. Does Mr. Dr. P know about this scuttlebutt?" Ron said as he scanned the immediate area for Mister Possible.
Ron spotted him on the porch standing beside Anne. Together they loosely supervised their sons as they set up speakers around the porch.
"Look at him, Uncle James is as happy as a dead squirrel in the sunshine. I'm pretty sure northing's reached his ear or my dad's for that matter."
"As happy as a dead squirrel, in the sunshine? Is that a saying, do people say that?"
"Sorry, guess that just slipped out." Joss said sheepishly.
"Don't worry about it. I kind of dig your twang."
"My twang? Well enjoy it while you can. By the time I'm old enough to move out to the city, I'll be rid of it."
"Why would you want to get rid of it?"
"I guess you often hear tell-tale twangs in the city huh? Can't really fit in with the hustle and bustle of the crowd if I sound like I'm fresh off the ranch can I?"
"Wouldn't you actually be fresh off the ranch?"
"That's not the point," Joss said irritably.
Ron ran his hands together. "Hey, I get wanting to fit in but your twang it's-I just think in this case, normal is not as interesting as what you've got going on. I guess sometimes normal is um…"
Ron stared forward as his words trailed off into silence.
"Normal is what?" Joss asked.
"It's normal. Normal is very normal." Ron shrugged.
"Well, I suppose we can glad conclude you're a tad far from being a poet.".
"Jocelyn-dear it seems like the boys are all set with the speakers. Isn't it time for the show to start?"
Taken aback, with eyes wide Ron and Joss' head snapped towards the elderly Possible.
"Nana, you weren't eavesdropping were you?" Joss asked.
Nana cupped her hand to her ear and leaned forward. "What's that dear? You'll have to speak louder I've become hard of hearing in my old age."
"Alright then, never mind," Joss said suspiciously.
"I just wanted to inform you Jocelyn that perhaps it's time for the show to start."
"Well heck, you're right Nana." Joss leaped out of her chair and started walking gingerly towards the porch.
Nana adjusted the glasses on her face. "A little bit of that enthusiasm I mentioned earlier. Joss is not as subtle as the rest of the family, and that is saying a lot."
"Hmmm I might be starting to like her." Ron thought
"Grandma P. You should know my window diving days are over and done. So, I'm not getting frightened off by a little small talk. I'm here to support KP, or until someone throws me out."
"Sounds good."
"And I hate to say this to one-half of the original dancers, but this dance is going to be cake to Kim."
With a half-smile on her face Nana turned to Ron. "I have no doubt."
Moments later James, Anne, and the twins took their seats and completed the audience. The show began with an introduction from Joss as she gave the history on Nana's brief but iconic fling with show business. Ron had heard most of the story from Kim the night before but Joss' version had the flair. Not to say Kim's initial version wasn't good, but it lacked the showmanship, the funny and cute little anecdotes about Nana Possible and the accompanying background music. Needless to say by the time Kim and Slim had stepped out of the house, and Joss returned to her seat, Ron was one hundred percent invested in the show.
Slim came out wearing a powder blue suit, raspberry shirt, and a pink and blue tie. Kim wore an equally comical canary-yellow suit with flared trousers and wide lapels. The Spirals big disco hit started to leak through the speakers as Slim of the Kim strutted towards the porch steps. When they were close enough to the steps Slim nodded to Kim and she nodded back. When the song's vocals kicked in uncle and niece gracefully entered the "Electric slide."
"Hand me down my walkin' cane. Hand me down my hat. Hurry now and don't be late. 'Cause we ain't got time to chat. You and me we're goin' out. To catch the latest sounds, guaranteed to blow your mind. So high you won't come down…"
As the chorus neared Slim and Kim pulled out of the "rolling grapevine," and plucked the elastic band from their back pockets. They then wrapped it around their hands in a series of graceful movements. Seemingly unhindered by the restrictive nature of the rubberband they seamlessly transited from the "Eggbeater," to the "Funky Chicken."
"Hey, y'all prepare yourself, for the rubber-band man. You never heard a sound. Like the rubber-band man. You're bound to lose control when the Rubber band starts to jam…"
Nana Possible had not doubted that Kim would be good but didn't imagine that her granddaughter would be nothing short of spectacular. Her individual performance was especially impressive considering the short amount of time that she had to practice. In contrast it had actually taken Nana a few days to get comfortable with the dance steps. Kim danced gracefully and was light on her feet. She precisely delivered every dance step without making one extraneous move. Individually, indeed she was superb, but as a dance partner? Nana quickly concluded Slim wasn't exactly setting the world afire, but he was doing a decent job keeping in time with the music. Yet if one looked closely you could tell that he and Kim were not in synch.
"When I saw this short fat guy stretch a band between his toes. Hey, I laughed so hard 'cause the man got down, when he finally reached his goal!"
This wasn't entirely Kim's fault, Nana thought as she watched her son and granddaughter hold the band down with their feet as they segued from the "Fresno," to the "Old Man." There was one thing Kim could not have learned in such a short amount of town with her very limited individual practice. The real magic to the rubberband dance was the teamwork. It was supposed to be as if the two dance partners had rubber-bands holding them together. When one partner moved to the left, the other moved to the left; if one stepped forward, the partner stepped forward. But as it stood, Kim wasn't really in tune with Slim at all. In fact upon closer inspection it seemed her focus was clearly elsewhere.
"Hey, y'all prepare yourself, for the rubber-band man. You never heard a sound. Like the rubber-band man. You're bound to lose control when the Rubber band, starts to jam..."
Erratic movement from the corner of her eye brought Nana out of the show. Initially she simply peeked over at Ron, but she was eventually forced to give him her complete attention. If you were just judging by a quick glance at Ron's head you would think he was simply staring forward with his hands on his lap. Moving further down you would notice his upper body was just slightly swaying from side to side. A glance further down revealed his feet going through a host of dance steps with unexpected speed and precision. After a moment Nana realized that the lower portion of Ron's body was doing the "Time Warp," while he sat in his seat.
Nana returned to her granddaughter, she too was doing the "Time Warp." Nana's gaze cut from Ron to Kim in rapid succession when Ron "stepped," to the right Kim stepped to her left. When she brought her knees together his did as well, when she gyrated her hips he simply squirmed a bit in his seat but for all intents and purposes they mirrored the others movements. Nana then tried to follow Ron's line of sight, though it was difficult to judge with Kim moving about, she was sure that they'd manage to catch each other's gazes at any given opportunity.
Nodding to herself, Nana leaned back in her seat to enjoy the rest of the show.
Rubberband man starts to jam. Movin' up and down across the land, got people all in his way. Everything about him seems out of place.
The performance was coming down to its exciting climax. A brief of execution of the "Robot," was quickly followed by what many would recognize as some of the highlight moves from John Travolta's solo routine in the movie Saturday Night Fever. It was actually the most difficult part of the performance requiring acrobatic maneuvering such as a jumping split. Slim being well into his middle ages wisely bowed out of this section and simply stepped back as Kim took the spotlight. Kim snapped the band high up into the air and performed a stag jump landing in a split with her right leg out and her right leg tucked under her backside. Swiftly she popped back onto crouching position, with her arms crossed over her chest. She straightened her legs propelling her body forward right into the jumping split. Effortlessly she landed on her feet and with a huge smile on her face she performed the "Travolta Point," holding up her right arm above her head. And it was just in time for her hand to snatch the falling band out of the air as the music came to an end.
"AH BOO-YAH!" Ron shouted as he jumped out of his chair pumping both fists in the air.
Startled, Kim lost balance and fell backwards on to her rear-end.
Silence reigned.
An awkward, nervous silence, as the remaining Possible family looked at each other, before their eyes fell upon Ron. At a loss for words, Ron simply placed his right hand over his face. He then sighed with resignation before sitting back down.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
8:12 PM
Ron sat alone at the far end of the Possible backyard, leaning back into his seat he stared up into the night sky.
"Hey Adrian!"
He did not bother to look at Kim. In fact he neither laughed nor smiled at her failed attempt at humor. He simply continued staring.
"That was a joke. It's a callback to the conversation we had earlier; remember when you quoted the lyrics Rocky." Kim explained.
Ron finally responded by exhaling loudly. "OK, it's 'Yo Adrian,' not 'Hey Adrian.' Everyone knows in the movie he says Yo Adrian."
"Well I stand corrected," Kim said as she planted a plastic seat beside his chair and sat down right beside him. "So, you're just going to sulk back here with a party going on around you?"
"You fell onto your butt," Ron pointed out.
"I guessed you missed the part where I started laughing almost immediately after that and then everyone else started laughed? Actually you seem to be the only one bothered by it."
Ignoring her Ron returned his attention to the sky. "I guess I should accept it. You know it's like being born with one arm shorter than the other. It's just a 'natural fact of Ron Stoppable,' I am a mess. I am what I am."
"I see you've been reading Popeye's self-help book."
Ron turned to Kim. "OK, why are you firing off one-liners like an old-school comedian?"
"I'm not allowed to joke around?"
"Well, can you hold back on the zingers for a sec? We're having a serious conversation here."
"I think what is happening is that you're freaking out."
"You going to let me apologize?"
"Apologize for what?"
"We both know for what."
Kim sighed as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Ron, I want you to understand that you're perception about what just happened and mine are on the opposite ends of the spectrum."
He drew in a deep breath. "KP, I'm sorry I brought your moment to shine to a screeching halt."
"Well, everyone has a role to play Ron," She smirked.
"Fine, if you're going to be unreasonable…" he turned away pouting with child-like petulance.
"Come on, I'm trying to lighten the mood. Because tonight is, 'Supposed to be about having fun.' Something I didn't get until a few minutes ago."
Ron glanced over his shoulder. "So when I asked before-"
"I lied. You were right I was not having fun earlier. Even though the show, the party, the entire weekend was about the family getting together and having fun. I had lost sight of all that."
Ron twisted his body back towards Kim. "Well for what it's worth, you came, you saw, you kicked that dance's ass."
"Thanks," Kim ran a hand through her hair as her face softened some. "Anything is possible for a Possible, that's the family motto. I've heard it all my life. My dad says it all the time. There's been three times where I've doubted his words. The very first time was on the first day of pre-school, but I got the hang of school quickly enough. The second time was during an award ceremony in elementary school… that didn't work out to well, I got freaked seeing my folks in the front row and ran off instead of singing. Today is the third time I've heard that voice in the back of my head saying there are exceptions to every rule-"
"You don't need to tell me any of this you know," Ron interrupted.
"Um yeah I know. But I want to. She quickly inhaled and exhaled. "OK where was I?"
"You were saying you were kinda scared."
Kim nodded. "I guess that's right, I was a little scared, seems childish huh?"
"If that makes you childish then I'm…. I'm… I don't know a newborn or something-Anyway what I'm saying is, I get the fear."
They exchanged glances, as Ron's words settled in between them.
"KP, I know fear and anxiety like a fashion designer knows fabrics. I'm going to be honest; they're not a good look on you. Courage, strength, kindness, that's your style KP."
"And your style is-"
"Flawed," Ron interjected.
"You know, I don't think I appreciate the way you're talking about my best friend."
"I wasn't talking about Mo-"Ron paused as his brain processed this new information. "Whoa, whoa, you can't just toss something like that out there."
Kim tilted her head, resting her hand on her chin as she leaned a little in toward him. "Too late to take it back, not that I want to take it back."
"I thought you already had a best friend?"
"You're not going to leave me hanging here are you?"
Ron shook his head. "Look we're going to be thirty somethings before blink. We're too old for this kind of labeling. Really what are we doing, sitting here, and talking about best friends like we're in pre-school?"
"I suppose it would have been easier if you were there."
"What?"
"I said, I wish you were there… My first day of preschool… It would have made it… better."There was amusement, confidence, and a passive expectancy in Kim's face as she stared quietly at him.
Ron broke under the spotlight. He put a hand over her mouth, mumbled something, and immediately turned away.
"You say something?" Kim inquired.
Blowing out a breath Ron turned back to her and said. "You're my best friend."
"But I thought you already had a best friend!" Kim declared mock confusion on her face.
"Ha-ha-ha."
"Was it really that hard to say?" she asked.
Softly Ron said. "Most of the time KP it's easier to think something then to say something."
"I can understand that." Kim said with a nod.
"Do you? Because this is a huge emotional commitment for me."
"And I'm grateful," Kim pointed out.
"I don't just go off to any ol' bar and hand out best friend cards to any random stranger."
"OK… Neither do I."
"Good because I believe in the sanctity of the institution of best-friendship."
Kim licked her lips. "I'm not sure how you want me to respond to that statement. So I'm going to take it as a good thing and now switch gears. I saw the lineup for dinner on the kitchen table. My mom thinks you've got the stuff to be a chef."
"She's sweet to say that."
"She wasn't just saying that to be polite." Kim reached into her pocket and plucked out Ron's cell phone. "You see this phone."
"OK," Ron rolled his eyes.
"It's got an unlimited plan-" Kim continued with a smile.
"Alright it was a corny when I said it. It's going to be corny when you say it."
"You know what else is unlimited Ron, your potential. Potential boy."
Ron couldn't help but smile as Kim took his right hand and placed the phone into his open palm. He instinctively clasped his hand around the phone and consequently Kim's fingers. A warm tingle passed through them both before Ron became aware that he had too long a hold on her fingers and let go.
Kim spoke up first. "Ron there's something I wanted to talk to you about. Now you'll probably think this is a terrible, horrific idea but-"
Sudden musical fanfare interrupted Kim. She and Ron shifted their gaze back towards the Possible's porch-stage area. As the fanfare continued the smatterings of conversations around the backyard from the rest of the family settled down. They caught sight of Tim rushing back into the house as Jim bowed fancifully before the audience. He then extended his hand out holding up a small electronic device for the world to see.
"What's with the palm pilot?" Ron inquired.
"Knowing the tweebs, I'm going to guess it's a remote control." Kim sighed.
"Huh?"
"My brothers they like to build things."
Jim paced the porch, waving and calling the "audience," forward as if he were a carnival barker. When Ron and the Possibles drew up to the porch steps the backdoor of the Possible house swung open. Tim exited the house with a stretcher in tow. Ron did a double take as the stretcher was seemingly bearing a body covered from head to foot with an oil-splattered blanket. Grinning broadly, Tim wheeled the stretcher to the porch steps.
"Frankenstein?" Ron whispered to Kim.
"The scary thing is that I wouldn't be shocked," she replied.
"Where do you think they got the stretcher?"
Kim answered with a simple shrug. Jim continued his carnival barker persona by waving his arms about and shouting. "Ladies and gentleman I introduce you to Fudbell the mad lawn gnome."
"Did he just say gnome?" Ron squeaked.
Tim snatched the sheet off the stretcher, and Ron stifled in a shriek. As far as lawn gnomes went Fudbell's design was pretty archetypical, except for the fact that it was close to six feet tall. Now there had been dreams, where Ron had been mauled by "giant," gnomes before. But those gnomes had only been big enough to reach over and take a bite out of his thigh. This abomination was beyond anything Ron had ever imagined.
Jim tapped eagerly on his remote and suddenly Fudbell sat upright on its own. Then swiftly and gracefully the robot slid right off the stretcher onto its feet.
Slim drifted closer to the porch steps. "Well that's mighty impressive boys, you build it yourself?"
"Naturally," Tim said. "All used parts, scrapyards, dumps, imports."
"Legally sanctioned imports right boys?" James Possible said.
Tim and Jim caught each other's eyes. In unison they said, "Sure, let's go with that."
Kim was shaking her head when Joss tapped her on the shoulder. "Um cousin, Ron is not looking to swell."
Kim turned to Ron only to discover that his color had changed to a fine shade of deathly pale. When she laid a hand on his arm she felt his body tremble. Kim then caught a fleeting flash of panic in his eyes.
"Is he gonna be alright? He's as pale as Marley's ghost," Joss remarked.
"Grande-sized gnome," Ron said in a quivering voice.
"He is afraid of gnomes," Kim said out loud.
"Me…afraid? Yes," Ron said with a cracked voice.
"It's not like it's a real gnome, cousin, it's a robot."
"I'm going to guess that's the kind he fears most of all."
Back on the porch Tim slapped Fudbell on the back. "We thought it would be a good idea for Nana's party to be Fudbell's debut."
"He looks impressive," said Slim. "But what is his primary function?"
"His primary function? His primary function is a party machine. You ever seen a robot programmed to mingle, the AI has a dialog tree that encompasses a wide range of diverse topic from popular culture to theorizing about string theory-"
Jim continued. "He can tell jokes, clean or dirty. I'm talking about thousands of pre-loaded jokes for every occasion-"
"-It compliments everyone no matter what they look like. You ask if it plays music? Heck it's a DJ-"
"-It can dance; it'll lead a Conga line if it has to. It knows thousands of jokes, clean or dirty-"
"-It can also do magic tricks, and juggle," Tim tacked on.
"But why does it look like a gnome?" Anne inquired.
"Oh that's just to freak out Ron. He told us he was scared of gnomes a while ago. Fudbell's shell is actually customizable. He can be a clown, a magician, a butler or a strip-."
Jim elbowed Tim in the ribs.
Tim recovered quickly. "Did I mention he can light up the night sky with fireworks? Step back everyone, Nana we're going illuminate the sky with your name. Jim let 'er rip bro."
Jim gave the Possible family some time to back away before he jammed his pointer finger down on the remote.
But nothing happened.
The twins stood there in silence waiting, and then they glanced at the audience then back at Fudbell. Again and again, Jim repeated the process of slamming the tip of his pointer finger into the remote, but to their dismay, nothing happened.
"What's going on?" Tim whispered to her brother.
"I think it's a bug," Jim whispered.
"We don't get bugs!"
As if on cue, immediately after Tim's declaration Fudbell's head started spinning wildly on its axis.
"This is quite unsettling boys." James Possible remarked as he watched Fudbell's head spin. "I'm sure your grandmother appreciates your efforts but it seems you'll need to work out a few kinks on your project here."
"I thought you said we don't get bugs!" Tim shouted as Jim continued to poke the controller.
"You're the one who said that," Jim fired back.
"Wait!" Tim grabbed the remote from his brother. "Let's try rebooting the configuration."
He had just started tinkering with the remote when Anne Possible let out a yelp when a round object flew past her face and splattered on the lawn, leaving wet grass and tiny pieces of plastic in its wake. Before anyone could say another word a second object seemingly departed from Fudbell's rapidly rotating head and crashed through the Possible's kitchen window.
"Boys! The windows!" James shouted.
A third object cut through the air, past most of the Possibles and made a beeline towards Kim and Ron. Reacting quickly Kim pushed Ron to her right before diving to her left dodging the incoming missile. Falling to the ground she watched the object splatter on the grass.
"Don't worry everyone they're just-"A flash of blue smacked squarely in Jim's face and suddenly he was drenched in from head to toe. "-Water balloons."
"Oh crud! Its initiated Operation Senior Sledgehammer!" Tim cried.
A fourth balloon was sent crashing through another kitchen window.
"What in the world is Operation Senior Sledgehammer?" James shouted to his sons.
"Well to be honest Fudbell's secondary function is crashing Scotty McPherson's massive birthday party next week." Jim said.
"No big deal, some water balloons tossed here and there, harmless fun "Tim explained.
"-Boys will be boys you know." Jim stated.
Anne came up beside her husband and joined him in glowering at their sons.
"In our defense, McPherson is the jerkiest senior there ever was," Tim declared.
"Ron, are you OK?" Kim asked as she brushed grass from her yellow suit.
Ron groaned softly as he lay on the ground. "KP, how does a person know if they're slipping into shock?"
"He's a bit of a scardy cat huh?" Joss said.
"Jocelyn dear, a proper lady does not cast disparaging remarks on a guest of her family's home," Nana called out from a few feet away.
"I thought she was paying attention to the robot. So much for hard of hearing," Joss thought to herself.
"Here let me help," Kim said to Ron.
"I actually think I'll stay down here until the, uh, abomination is gone."
"How is lying on the grass making things better?" Kim asked.
"Aren't you supposed to play dead when a robot attacks?"
"You're thinking of bears. Besides this thing isn't really attacking is it?"
"All I know is my instincts tell me to lie down. That way if it does attack, it won't notice me, just like the rest of the world."
Rolling her eyes Kim started to walk over to him but another yelp from her mother stopped her in the tracks. She turned her attention back to Fudbell. The good news was that its head had stopped spinning and was back in its proper position. The bad news was that it suddenly started to descend the porch steps.
With a tinny voice from somewhere inside its head, the gigantic gnome delivered one of its pre-loaded jokes-
"What…is… the… difference… between… erotic… and… kinky? Erotic… is…using... a… feather . . . Kinky is using… the… whole… chicken."
-Right before its jaw dropped down to its chest and from its gaping mouth came another balloon that caught Slim Possible in the chest.
"If… at… first… you… don't… succeed... don't try…skydiving." Fudbell said as it immediately blindsided Anne Possible with another balloon.
It then immediately soaked James Possible down after delivering a one man knock-knock joke. To the remaining Possible's chagrin, Fudbell continued marching deeper into the backyard.
"The laser sensors target the closest person to it. If you don't want to get wet you need to move out of range or let someone else get in range first!" Tim shouted to them.
"What's the… best…. form… of… birth… control… after… 50... Nudity!" Fudbell said right before catching a streaking Joss in the back of the head.
"What… do… you… call… a… smart… blonde? A… golden… retriever."
"I find that offensive," Ron muttered from the ground as Fudbell ignored him completely and walked past his prone body.
Fudbell volleyed a shot at Kim. But she dodged sideways and the balloon simply grazed her face. She then darted backwards, putting distance between her and the pursuing robot.
"It's an inadequate IR signal, I can fix it," Jim said as he grabbed the controller from Tim's hands.
"No the problem is with the keypad" Tim said snatching the controller back. "Do we have any acetone and conductive paint in the house?"
"Boys perhaps it's not the controller but the robot that's the problem here," Slim Possible said as he attempted to wrench water from the front of his shirt.
The mechanical gnome locked onto Kim and continued its assault. Kim continued dodging left and right across the lawn. Back on the porch the Tweebs frustration had reached it's peaked, and their mutual anger culminated with Tim hurling the remote at the back Fudbell's head. The controller smacked harmlessly against the gnome, cracked in two, and fell into the ground.
"Alright! Somebody just break him already!" Jim shouted out.
"Well, I hate to destroy one of my grandchildren's inventions but I'm afraid that I will have to have to put you out of commission Fudbell."
Detecting motion though the corners of its infrared sensors Fudbell turned in time to receive a tremendous kick to the back thank to Nana Possible.
"Hmm not enough high in that high kick," Nana sighed.
Fudbell stumbled three of four steps forward before sparks erupted from its upper body. A roar of approval erupted from the twins. When the electrical discharge rescinded Fudbell turned a stiff ninety degrees to its left brining its full attention to Nana and away from Kim. The robot stared down Nana with expressionless eyes for a moment a moment before its chest began to open like a slow sliding door.
"Nana the open chest compartment means it's finally activated the fireworks protocol!" Tim called out from the porch.
"Everyone get back in the house, this has gotten uber dangerous!" Jim yelled out.
"Fireworks, that sounds like a problem," Nana stated.
Nana made a move to run but found herself losing ground on the wet grass. She slipped up and came down heavily on her knees. She attempted to rise up, but she felt a sharp throbbing in her knees and they both gave way beneath her causing her to fall backwards upon the grass like a log. Nana glanced up to see lights blinking inside Fudbell's chest and heard loud clicking noises that sounded a little too closely to ammunition rounds being loaded into a chamber.
She glanced at her knees. "I knew old age would be the death of me, but not like this."
Nana was gathering up her courage for the inevitable when Ron suddenly leaped onto Fudbell's back.
"Ronald! What are you doing! The robot targets the closest person to it!" Nana shouted out.
"I know, that's why I'm so scared! But you can run now!"
In a frantic attempt to get Ron in its line of sight Fudbell started to buck like a mechanical bull. Initially it started off slowly then it began to move rapidly from right to left and then up and down. Ron held on tightly with one hand and waved the other about in the air to try and keep his balance. He couldn't hold off for long however, once Fudbell went into overdrive Ron simply slid down the gnome's side onto the ground.
Now locked onto Ron, Fudbell immediately turned to him.
Ron offered the gnome a timid smile. "Hey I'm Ron, um, consider yourself distracted."
Kim came in fast launching herself at Fudbell, executing a high kick that slammed against the robot's head. The blow snapped the gnome's head right off its shoulders and sent it rolling towards Nana Possible. There was a brief discharge of sparks from the neck area before Fudbell stopped moving altogether.
"Now that was the right amount of high for a high kick," Nana said as she slowly climbed to her feet.
"Is it over?" Ron asked.
"I think," Kim said as she cautiously inspected Fudbell's headless body.
"Good thing we were too cheap to use steel." Jim declared before nodding to his brother. They then immediately reached into Fudbell's body and began pulling out wires.
Kim extended her hand and helped Ron to his feet.
"Just in time KP, you really saved the day."
She smiled. "You didn't do so bad yourself. I think we can call this a team effort"
"Seems like most of us are a little wet but otherwise A-OK," Joss proclaimed.
"Thank goodness," Anne sighed joining the scene.
"Let's not drop our guards just yet, boys is that thing officially offline," Slim inquired.
"It is now," Jim said with a handful of wires.
There came another click and a panel in Fudbell's back popped open like a garage door.
"KP, look-out!"
Ron jumped in front of Kim just as something was fired from the gnome's hidden compartment. The Possible's gasped out loud and Ron stifled a scream, when the medium sized rubber ball stuck him in the groin.
"Oh right, we also optimized it to fire dodge balls." Tim announced as he tore another handful of wires from his creation.
The gnome let of bits of sparks for a last time before collapsing to the ground.
"Are you alright?" Kim asked.
Ron had enough of his senses to be distinctly aware that if it wasn't for the blinding pain he might have had a few choice words for his best friend. Words such as "chaos," and some coherent combination of the words "told I so you." Instead he saved what he imagined could very well be his last breath for her mother.
"Mrs. Dr. P. in your professional opinion do I head towards or away from the light?" He asked before doubling over and falling forward.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Looks like I'm alive," Ron muttered as he blinked up at Kim.
"You're alive," she said chuckling softly.
James Possible suddenly appeared beside his daughter with a bath towel draped along his shoulders.
"I'd take it easy there, Ronald. You've just experienced a traumatic event."
"I'm fine," Ron made an attempt to get up to his feet but a sharp jabbing sensation in his groin area paralyzed his motor skills. "OK no, I think I'll just lie here on the lawn for a minute or two."
"I don't blame you; take as much time as you need."
"KP…" Ron whispered softly.
She knelt beside him leaning in close. "Yes Ron?"
"How did your brothers fit fireworks, water balloons and dodge balls into that robot's body?"
"Uh-I don't know…"
"It seems impossible…The lines between science and magic beginning to blur."
Confusion reigned on Kim's face. "Wouldn't you rather know how long you've been passed out?"
"Doesn't really matter as long as I woke up."
"Well I guess that's true. Listen I know you're in pain but it's just some minor swelling; you'll be fine in a few days."
"Minor swelling?" Ron gasped. "How do you know that?"
The twins suddenly popped into Ron's field of vision.
"Dude that low blow was totally not our intention." Tim said
Jim leaned over, the water from his hair dripping down onto Ron. "We might have wanted to freak you out with the gnome design, but we did not literally want to break your -."
"Guys," Kim groaned.
"Well it could have been worse." Joss said as she suddenly appeared with a towel wrapped around her head. "He could have gotten hit by them fireworks instead of the dodge ball."
"Joss," Kim said.
"I'm just putting a positive spin on this entire thing cousin."
"A positive spin that's exactly what we need," Slim declared from outside of Ron's viewpoint. "I was saving it for the birthday song but I suppose it's as good a time as any to break out the guitar."
"Good idea son." Ron heard Nana reply a moment before she and Anne appeared over him. Anne also had a towel draped around her shoulders.
"All is not lost; it's true that the dinner we had planned has been soaked. But we still have the cake. It was in the oven at the time of the incident. "
Anne then stared daggers at the twins who slinked away from her sight.
"You know we can have ourselves a birthday picnic out in the backyard," Joss stated.
"That's a swell idea I'll get the blankets," James said before walking off.
Anne turned to Joss. "There's a bottle of aspirin in the medicine cabinet upstairs, can you get that for Ron along with a cup of water."
"Can do."
Anne beamed down at Ron as Joss departed. "I would like to offer my thanks for all that you've done today, Ron."
"I didn't mind helping out with the food Mrs. Dr. P, I'm sorry most of it got destroyed."
"Not that I do not appreciate your help with the food. But I was referring to risking yourself to help Kim and Nana."
"Oh right…."
"Well I'm going to grab some paper plates."
Ron watched Anne walk off and Nana stepped into her place.
"I've pinched a dab of the icing. If the rest of the cake is as good, you just might have a hit on your hands."
"You like the icing? I thought I might have skimped a little on the sugar," Ron replied.
"You are a hard young man to compliment."
"Well you can thank a creeping sense of inadequacy for that."
"So I suppose it wouldn't do to compliment you're bravery. Perhaps some wisdom will make due in lieu of praise." Nana cleared her throat. "To quote Wayne Burrow, 'To ourselves, we are great. Yet most of us live life without making a stand, contented to blend into the background of self-rendering nothingness, and when looking back feel contented at our mediocre accomplishments. Nobody remembers the person who conformed out of inadequacy. Nobody notices a patch of grass, they see the tree'..."
"I understand," Ron said.
"Good. Now I'm going to compliment you anyway. You were very brave; I appreciate you stepping in when you did." "I like you boy, you may be good for Kim and the family."
Having said her keep Nana started off towards the house. "Anne dear, forget the birthday song and the candles let's just start handing out cake."
"That was a little odd," Ron remarked. "Do you have any idea what that quote meant?"
"I could have sworn you said you understood." Kim said as sat down on the grass besides Ron's head.
"I was speaking for my future self. I'm sure I'll understand eventually get the idea after giving it a few days thought. I mean I'll probably get it someday-Hey how do you know about the minor swelling?"
"Oh, my mom told me."
"And how does she know?"
Before Kim could answer the twins returned. "Dude again, total apologies about everything. Guess what we totally owe you a favor." Tim said.
Jim nodded. "We can build you a car, we'll build you a website, software hardware, you name it."
"Or maybe you need someone pranked, remote control someone's desktop?" Tim suggested.
"No shady favors tweebs." Kim said frowning at her brothers.
"Right, we can talk about the specific details later." Tim said waving his hand in the air. "But on a positive note, awesome job on the other thing."
"I told Tim we could count on you," Jim said.
"To be honest, I didn't really do it as much for you guys."
"Doesn't matter, mission accomplished dude." Jim countered.
"Mission way accomplished." Tim concluded.
"No problem fellas, just keep a leash on Skynet from now on. The robot apocalypse doesn't need to happen in my lifetime."
"Hicka-bicka-boo?" Tim and Jim said simultaneously.
Visibly confused Ron looked up at Kim. "What?"
"You answer that with Hoo-Sha. It's like their secret weird twin language."
Ron turned to the twins. "Hoo-sha?"
"Hoo-sha!" They echoed gleefully before running off.
"What was that all about?" Kim asked. "The mission accomplished stuff."
"Guy talk."
"Guy talk?"
"Yes, a discussion between men. No girls allowed."
"Should I be worried that you're engaging in guy-talk with my brothers?"
"Yes, yes you should. By the way does your mom have X-ray vision?"
"Not that I know of."
"Then how did she know about the minor swelling."
"Well she checked." Kim said sheepishly.
"What-do-you-mean- she-checked?" Ron asked incredulously.
"Pillow delivery," James Possible crowed.
"Thanks dad."
Kim received the pillow from her father, placed it on her lap and then proceeded to lift Ron's head onto it
"That looks semi-comfortable. A little less than you deserve after jumping in to help Kim and my mother. Slim and I could give you a lift to the couch if you want Ronald."
"My body is not ready to make any sudden movements Mr. Dr. P."
"I understand. Boys help me spread some of these blankets on the lawn." James called out before walking off.
"Aspirin and a cool glass of water, doctor's orders," Joss announced when she abruptly reappeared.
Ron lifted his upper body just enough to receive the two pieces of aspirin, and then washed them down with the glass of water.
Joss smiled as Ron handed her back the empty glass. "I'm not sure if I can get enough pieces in two days to put the puzzle together. But I figure putting the puzzle together ought to be my cousin's job. I'll just say this; a good heart is like good jelly, it spreads."
"Joss, can you get some soda out of the fridge!" Anne shouted from afar.
"Yes-ma'am," Joss replied before running off.
"I'm not exactly sure what she said but I like the way she said it. That twang, it's just a better way of speaking."
"I'd say she believes you're a good person at heart." Kim said.
"Smart as a whip that kid. So KP… How did your mom find out about my swelling?"
"Ron, don't you think there are some aspects to life that are better left as mysteries."
Ron closed his eyes and sighed. "You're saying let sleeping dogs lie?"
"It's for the best."
It was then that Ron felt something clasp around his right hand. There was a brief bout of panic when he imagined a curious tarantula had popped out of the grass and decided to get acquainted with his palm. He opened his eyes, turned his head and was shocked by what he saw.
"KP you seem to be holding my hand."
"Yeah I know. I think we're having a little moment here."
"Really?"
"Don't question the moment Ron."
"What if I'm not ready for a moment? You need to tell me about these things ahead of time so I can prepare myself."
"Ron," she said squeezing his hand. "No one can ever really be prepared for a moment. Now I'm thinking it was pretty selfish of me to insist on-well I did allot of insisting these last two days. I shouldn't have placed you in a position that made you uncomfortable, and add to that you getting hurt-"
"Kim we had a twenty four hour agreement. For twenty four hours I was supposed to say what the heck to anything"
"That includes jumping on a rogue robot's back?"
"Well to be honest my brain said don't do that, you're crazy. But something inside me said 'stand down brain if a math question pops up then you can chime in.' So technically Kim everything I did this weekend, I wanted to do."
"Thanks" Kim replied softly.
The strumming of a guitar with gusto interrupted their conversation. Still in wet clothes Slim Possible struck out a few chords and stopped beside Kim and Ron.
"I think I know the right song for this occasion."
Slim grinned at them and played different chords this time, something softer. He moved further on to where Ron assumed the rest of the family was sitting picnic-style. When Slim began singing, the rest of the Possibles besides Kim joined in.
"With a little love and some tenderness, we'll walk upon the water; we'll rise above the mess. With a little peace, and some harmony, we'll take the world together. We'll take 'em by the hand, 'Cause I've got a hand for you 'Cause I wanna run with you."
"I can't believe a concert just broke out. You Possibles can really adapt." Ron stated.
Kim nodded to herself. "We Possibles are a very optimistic and flexible clan."
"I like them. They're weird but I like them."
Kim looked down at him questioningly
"I do," Ron said meeting her gaze. "I like you Possibles."
"I think the feeling is mutual," Kim said with a smile.
"I said get up, and let me see you smile. We'll take a walk together; walk the road awhile, 'cause I've got a hand for you. I've got a hand for you. 'Cause I wanna run with you. Won't you let me run with you? Hold my hand, want you to hold my hand. Hold my hand, I'll take you to a place where you can be. Hold my hand, anything you wanna be because. I wanna love you the best that, the best that I can."
A/N
If you're thinking that's the end of the story, then you're it's not. There still a bit more to go. I mulled over whether or not to have the entire sequence with the tweebs robot because a part of me thought that perhaps it didn't fit in with the tone of the story. But obviously I ended up keeping it for better of for worse. But thanks for reading, drop a review if you can.