2000
Misato felt blood pouring down her eye.
She tried move, but couldn't. Her body was tired, haggard from whatever fresh hell she experienced before. Misato could hardly remember ever feeling pain like this. Mom fussed so much about the trip and how she might get hurt. Turned out Mom was right to be worried. Where was Dad…?
A pair of arms pulled her up. She felt so small in them, as she usually did.
"Misato… I'm so sorry…"
His voice made her shiver. He coughed.
"I need to get you to safety. You're more important."
What happened? Misato tried to remember. She recalled rows of scientists blabbing nonsense to themselves. Talks of a test being performed, plunging a lance in… then everything went blank. Some sort of disaster struck and Dad was involved. She felt the ground shake beneath them, causing him to nearly let go and tumble her to the floor. The man held, barely keeping himself together as was. Misato felt him wipe the blood from her eye and forehead.
"Everyone else is dead. I made a bargain with the Devil and we're all paying the price. I don't even know if humanity will be alive by tomorrow. By God, I hope you make it out. If nothing else, you deserve to live. Not me."
From there, things became blurry. She drifted in and out of consciousness, not being able to hear more than mumbles and whispers as she couldn't keep awake. There was screaming, the smell of sulfur, a heat near her. Then, her ears managed to faintly capture the sound of waves crashing, of ice breaking and shattering into a million pieces.
From there, Misato regained her sight and sense of touch as she felt hard metal on her back. The absence of arms around her was keenly noticed by her as well. He was no longer holding her.
"Dad?"
Something slipped around Misato's neck. A necklace. She caught an object between her fingers, looking at it in confusion. Dad's cross, but why?
"Why are you…?"
Giving this to me, she couldn't afford to say. She could no longer see his eyes, covered in thick glasses, but the grey hair and his soft smile were still lodged in her memory.
"This is so you'll always keep me in your memory." He said with cooing fondness. "I brought a precious girl like you to this hellish world far too soon. I'm sorry to say we won't be able to go home and do the rest after all. More than anything, I'll miss you my sweet Misato-chan."
He gave her a peck on the lips. An all too brief moment she thought. He moved away quickly, before she could properly reciprocate.
"Dad…" She tried to yell. "Don't leave…"
But it was too late. The last thing Misato saw of her dad was his smile just before the door shut in front of her. She rarely got to see him smiling. Before she could even acknowledge it in her mind, Misato's heart knew she would never see it or him again.
"DAD! PLEASE, COME BACK! I'LL BE A GOOD GIRL LIKE YOU WANTED! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!"
She banged against the door to no avail. Misato heard a muffled cry from outside.
"… girl… wait, how… Misa-?"
She couldn't understand him. How could she? She was just a child. Embracing her fate, Misato drifted off to sleep, trapped inside her coffin.
After some time passed, Misato was able to be fully conscious. Once she realized her body had recovered some of its strength, she pushed the door open with newfound vigor.
Her excitement was short lived. Once outside the pod, Misato had to stop herself from screaming. The ocean around her was no longer navy blue, but a shade of crimson red more akin to blood. Mountains of ice she saw with her dad, erased from existence. Even the research base, the single point of humanity in the desolate Antarctic sea, was utterly obliterated.
Instead, when Misato looked to the sky, all she could see was a being made of light.
Adam. The First Angel.
The alien that caused the Second Impact.
The thing that killed Daddy.
The latest object of her hatred. Her new tormentor for the next fifteen years.
2015
4:00 PM. It was a nice day outside. Perfect for exchanging vows.
"Do you, Mr. Kamina, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love and cherish her, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her, for so long as you both shall live?"
"I do."
"Do you, Ms. Mishima, take him to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and health, to love, honor and obey, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto him for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do."
The priest asked for someone to object. No one did. They paid for this wedding after all.
"By the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife and what God hath joined together, let no man nor woman put asunder."
Ritsuko smiled at the newlyweds. They were childhood sweethearts, a painter and archeologist who took years to confess, even longer for them to actually tie the knot. They never had anyone else, just themselves and somehow managed not to become bored with one another. It was the sort of sappy romance you'd find in a poem or fairy tale.
She was envious, really. They could live in blissful ignorance, celebrating the happiest day of their lives in a penthouse rented out specifically for their wedding. They didn't have to navigate in a web of lies and half-truths to protect humanity. They didn't have to lie to their friends for the sake of despicable human beings who won't appreciate their efforts.
Putting her hurt aside, Ritsuko clapped for the couple, hoping their marriage would be a happy one for the few precious moments they'd have. The Angels could arrive at any moment to end them. Who knew if they would make it to the next year? Not even the MAGI predicted that result. Then again, Mother was never an optimist. If her marriage was a failure, why would it be any better for her?
Everyone seated for the wedding were escorted downstairs for the party. There was a massive dance floor to celebrate the occasion, a bar to one side and dinner tables off to another. Ritsuko sat in the bar, not bothering for a sip of alcohol. She wasn't in the mood for it.
Misato, on the other hand, had no problem downing a whole drink in seconds. She slammed the glass to the table.
"Barf, look at them. They're so sweet it's sickening. Must feel great to be that ignorant."
Of all people, Ritsuko didn't think Misato say anything so bitter. She was always the cheerful one between them. Or the one who pulled it off more convincingly.
"Jealous? It doesn't suit you at all, Misato."
She huffed, in that way Ritsuko knew Misato did when she was frustrated. It meant Misato was hiding something and trying to keep herself in check.
"I'm not jealous. I just know better. They're sweet now, but they're going to argue and fight, they're gonna drag us into their mess and have us sort out their problems for them and I know, I just KNOW it's going to be me having to coach them through the process because I'M the they turn to! Me, who couldn't even hold a guy aside from Kaji? Gah, it makes no sense!"
Ritsuko chuckled. She took a cigarette from her pocket. "Bad mood?"
Misato had a strained smile. She wasn't happy.
"A little. God, seeing them like this just drives me crazy. I can't believe they got together before…"
"Before?"
Ritsuko watched her friend sigh, demanding another drink. Once she got it, Misato explained herself:
"Look at me, Ritsuko. I'm twenty nine. I'm not getting any younger. By next year, I'm going to be a Christmas Cake. Guys don't go for an older woman like me. God, my friends are getting married after knowing each other their whole lives, meanwhile I'm sitting here alone. Can't help but feel like I lost my chance."
"Don't be too hard on yourself. Despite your personality, you're still a beautiful woman. You could probably swat your eyes at a man, or rub his leg, and they'll be all over you."
"You don't have to lie. For women like us, we're just damaged goods after thirty. You're practically a hag to them, unless you've been seen a guy on the side. Can you imagine you finding someone before me? Unbelievable!"
Ritsuko had to swallow a ball of rage at that remark. Her friend was venting, not trying to insult her.
"I suppose so. You won't be getting any young men after you, aside from Lt. Hyuuga that is."
Misato laughed. "He's not my type. Cool guy, too nerdy and sweet. I need someone with a backbone."
"Well, why not Kaji? He's never been shy about his feelings. Keeps causing a ruckus at the base because of them in fact. Maybe if you got together we could actually do our jobs in peace."
A sullen expression came over Misato's features. She stared at her glass with contempt.
"We are through. No ifs or buts about it. There's nothing more to say."
Ritsuko pouted. How could Misato still act so stubborn after all these years?
"But you were so good together. Even Mom said so."
Actually, she said they were a wreck destined to fail from the get go, but Misato didn't need to know that.
"Your mom was wrong about plenty of things, this is one of them."
"You're being ridiculous."
"No, I'm serious! It wasn't good for me, for either of us. I couldn't have sex without being scared."
"Scared of what?"
"I can't say. I don't want to fuck Kaji."
"Who said anything about fucking Kaji? You can't just talk things out like normal people?"
"He'd never be satisfied with that and you know it. Why do you think he flirts with women all the time? He wants me winded up, so I can give it to him. It's all he ever wants."
"You're so sure about that? I don't think you're being fair."
"Fuck being fair. I slept with him, now I don't want him. End of story."
"That's…" Ritsuko puffed smoke from her cigarette. "Well, regardless of what you think he's still into you. In fact, Kaji's the only option you have for a husband. We're all old. As you said yourself, you're not going to find anyone else at your age."
Misato winced. "I know."
Ritsuko hoped Misato would follow up on it. For two months, Misato barged in into her office and hang out with her. Sometimes, she slept by her side while they were doing the paperwork. At first Ritsuko found it harmless. It was cute to see Misato drool on her desk, reminding Ritsuko of similar moments back when they were roommates. She appreciated her best friend keeping her company during off hours. She never asked why Misato spent so much time away from her ward.
Perhaps she should have. One night, Ritsuko heard Misato whispering in her sleep. Such an occurrence was normal, having heard Misato mumble all sorts of curses at the gods, teachers, Kaji, herself, whoever caused her problems that specific day. Normally they were quite funny.
However, this time Ritsuko's alarm bells rang when she heard Misato say:
"Shinjiiiii… love… tooooo…"
All with a blush on her cheeks and a peaceful smile. Remembering their argument during the Tenth Angel, Ritsuko felt chills in her spine thinking about Misato and the Third Child. She was used to keeping horrible secrets, especially for the Commander, but Shinji was a different situation entirely. He was a pilot. NERV needed him intact to fight the Angels. Misato might threaten that.
Ritsuko knew Misato long enough to know she saw herself as a sex object. Even if Misato told her the truth, even if she wasn't trying to manipulate the boy, even if she indeed loved him and was just trying to help, she was a ticking clock counting down to disaster. Sooner or later, Misato was going to break and actually do something to the boy. If she did and it affected Shinji's performance, it would be on her along with the rest of humanity…
She turned to the dance floor. The guest of honor had arrived.
"Hey, there's Kaji right there."
Both women turned toward Kaji. He was talking to the newly-christened Mrs Kamina, practicing his dazzling smiles for her. Misato glared at him.
"Great, now he's going after married women!"
"It's just jokes, Misato. He probably isn't being serious."
Kaji briefly glanced in their direction and smiled. He held the wife over the shoulder and kissed her cheek in full view of the women. Mrs Kamina did not take well to this, kicking him in the shin as she let her husband escort her to the dinner table. In addition to the injury he sustained, he failed to get the attention he wanted. Misato wasn't pleased with his stunt as she drank more of her glass.
"How have the guards not thrown this guy out? Creep."
Ritsuko was starting to see her mother's point, as Kaji walked over to them.
"Hey beautiful."
He took Misato's hand and kissed it, causing her to recoil in disgust. Ritsuko realized right then there was genuine animosity in Misato's anger.
"Whatever you have in mind, keep it to yourself. I'm not in the mood."
"Don't be that way, babe." Kaji wiggled his eyebrows. "Care for a dance?"
Misato rolled her eyes, until she turned and saw Ritsuko. She gave her a small nod, subtly asking Misato to oblige him for the moment. With a sigh, Misato agreed.
"Sure thing, Romeo. Just one."
He took her by hand and brought her to the dance floor. While everyone else was enjoying themselves, tuning out their problems to the beats in the background, Ritsuko noted Misato looked anything but relaxed. Misato half-hearted waved her arms and hips around, tired from today and something more. As she did so, Kaji took this opportunity to invade her personal space. He threw his arms around her stomach, his mouth moved near her ear. Misato couldn't help but flush at the contact.
"You're avoiding me." Kaji whispered. "Don't think I haven't noticed."
"I'm glad you did." Misato responded without fear. "That's on purpose."
"Is it? You wound me."
"Too subtle? Don't worry, I have a pistol I shoot you with as many times as it takes until you take the hint."
"Oh, how terrible. We've done this song and dance before. Doesn't it get tiring for you?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"You complain about not having anyone, I move in close, then you shut me off and leave. It's like you're baiting me with a hook and I'm the fish. Frankly? I'm getting tired of it."
He turned her around. Misato was forced to look into his eyes, exhausted and hurt. She could see a lifetime of regret in them.
"I love you."
The words made her gasp. She let out a soft, "What?"
"You think I don't have feelings? That I'm just out to hurt you? Torment you? No, I've been after you for so long because you're the only woman I've ever loved. The only one I never want to lie to. I want to be honest with you, I want to be with you in every way that I can. You deserve the world as far as I'm concerned. But I'm tired, Misato. I'm so tired."
Misato didn't stop him. She was too stunned to do anything but listen.
"I swim across oceans for you, and how do you repay me? If I'm not a criminal in your eyes, you certainly treat me like one. When we're just dating we have fun, but you clam shut whenever I dig deeper. I try to give you what you want, I put myself out for you 'cause even though it hurts me every time I know you like being comforted like that and I like being with you. Guess what? I'm done with that. I need to know, right now, what do you think of me."
He stared at her intensely. His grip on her shoulders kept her from bolting.
"Say it, Misato. I love you. Now's your turn."
What could she say? The words she wanted to hear from him for so long, and he just came out and said them. The maelstrom in her heart grew as Kaji drew closer.
"I see I left you speechless. Well, maybe you'll just show me."
Kaji didn't give her time to react. He forced his lips onto her, pulling her body to his own. After moments of Misato being limp in his arms, her brain managed to catch up with her. She began to wonder what the hell was happening, how and when did Kaji suddenly grow feelings, how did she get into this situation and… and…
She realized how weak she was. After hearing the words for so long, was she really so susceptible to his charm? She hated and loved him in equal measure. He was her prince finally swooping in to save her from herself. Maybe, she could finally be free of her feelings.
Those were her thoughts, until they froze shut. Misato felt her butt being grabbed by a strong hand. Her hair was tugged by the other one, his lips hungrily devouring hers. Suddenly, Misato felt numb and cold.
During the moment, Kaji opened his eyes. He expected many things. Annoyance, fear, disgust being the top of the list. A not insignificant part of him hoped Misato would reciprocate his advances at last. Maybe they could have peacefully danced the night away, they'd walk back home together, even tell her all the dirty secrets he uncovered about NERV. Shinji threw a wrench in those plans, but Misato could distract him probably. Maybe, just maybe, he could forgive the kid in twenty years or so.
Instead of any of that, he was shocked to find Misato's brown orbs staring back at him, filled with the same empty vacancy as all those years ago. He separated from her, realizing she wasn't seeing him.
"Misa-chan-?"
Kaji didn't see the punch coming. He couldn't dodge in time, his nose erupting a geyser of blood from the impact of her fist, leading to him falling to the floor in agony. As he held fingers over his nose, all Kaji could do was look up to find Misato staring him down.
Cold, furious indignation could be read all over her pretty face. She was completely gone as far Kaji could see.
"Don't touch me ever again. Don't even look at me."
He was still frozen in shock as Misato turned around and left. He saw her pick up a red jacket from her chair, Ritsuko following not far behind her. For her part, Misato moved to press the button for the elevator while she was being confronted by her friend.
"Misato, wait a second-!"
"There is nothing to talk about." Misato cut her off. "I'm done."
"Why did you do that? It's just Kaji!"
"That's just it. It's Kaji. He never changes, he's… he's disgusting to me."
"Disgusting? But why? What did he do?"
The elevator doors opened. Misato went inside, turning around only once to look at Ritsuko. Her expression never broke, even as the words betrayed her sadness:
"He's too much like Dad."
The doors slammed shut by then. Ritsuko was approached by Kaji, who held a napkin over his bloodied nose.
"Hey Ritsu-poo, what up with her?"
Ritsuko swallowed bile forming in her throat. "She's heading home, probably. I don't think she's coming back"
"Figures. Well, there goes my last shot. Misato and I really are done after all."
Unfortunately, that was the least of Ritsuko's worries. What was Misato going to do now?
Just what she needed. Her keys wouldn't jab in.
"Get in there! Fuck…"
Misato was lucky she brought her Alpine. Kaji could take Ritsuko home, she wanted to be alone for a while. She had to be, for her sake as much as theirs. They had no idea what was gong through her head and hopefully they would never find out.
After adjusting the key multiple times, the door finally opened. She wasted no time in slamming the door shut behind her and starting the car. Misato thanked whatever luck she rung out of tonight that she hadn't run over some kid leaving the parking lot. Sure she nearly slammed her car into a mailbox and some other cars, but they weren't important. She didn't mean to cause accidents, she was just not patient today. Misato ran through several red lights in effort to get back to NERV HQ as soon as possible.
Minutes later, she managed to reach the highway. The sun began to set in the distance, the headlights lighting up the road for weary travelers. Misato focused on driving, thinking long and hard about her current circumstances. She had to do it, because if she wanted to deal with her problems back home she had to face them now. Kaji had been a very effective reminder of them.
"I shouldn't have come here." She whispered to herself. "Fuck, I missed my chance to deal with the problem this morning and left him hanging. I have to confront these feelings I have… and hope Shinji doesn't hate me."
For months, Misato had been running from her emotions. Ever since Shinji confessed to her, her mind couldn't stop thinking about it. He already took up a large part of her heart, but when he told her he loved her, how he exerted himself to show his love despite being so broken, her sense of self was shattered. She had been spiraling into a pit of despair for months, all because she realized one horrible fact…
She loved him too.
Misato hated to admit such a thing but it was true. She didn't know when it started. Maybe after the Fourth Angel, when she took Shinji out to feel better about himself and held his face between her hands? Maybe it was after the Jet Alone, when she laid in bed holding him in a tight hug, Shinji so clearly distraught at the thought of losing her?
Or was it when Asuka moved in and she had to watch them bond in agony? Misato hated how easily Asuka slinked into his life, when she was willing to give herself completely to the boy she loved. She wanted to show herself to him, all of her, but she knew she couldn't. Because she was disgusting and Misato knew how much Shinji looked up to her. If she were to ever show this side of her to him, she would lose him forever.
She already lost her father the same way.
Dr. Haruka Katsuragi was a brilliant scientist once upon a time, but Misato didn't care about that. To her, he was a weak-willed, judgmental idiot, a poor husband and a terrible father. Like she told Shinji, she laughed at his shock when her mother divorced him yet some part of her craved for his approval. When he was around she would call to him to play with her, to bring her to school, to show him the things she learned in school, yet in all these things he was absent and dismissive.
"Cover yourself up, Misato. Boys will look at you oddly."
"Not now, Misato. I have important work to do unlike you."
"Misato be quiet."
"I don't have time for you right now."
"You're not as mature as you think you are. You're still just a child."
"Ikuko, keep her away from me."
Her mother picked up the slack, but it wasn't the same. Misato wanted her daddy to look her way even once. She longed for his affection yet he repeatedly denied her even the tiniest things. She couldn't remember ever being hugged by him.
One night, Misato decided to do something about it.
Her mom was away with friends, so she snuck into her dad's house. He was in his bedroom getting changed when she barged in. He yelled at her, telling her to leave. She screamed at him, begging him to look at her but he refused. He was as condescending as ever, telling her to play with friends or with her mom. He was about to call her when Misato pulled her last resort. She overheard her classmates call her pretty, from boys wanting a chance to flirt with her, to girls jealous of her beauty. If she was pretty, maybe Dad wouldn't have a choice but to look.
She took off her shirt. Her father stopped, staring at her sobbing form. His eyes darted from her broken cries, to her developing chest and she knew then what would come. Misato could still remember the way the air changed when he began to approach her.
At age twelve, Misato felt a man's touch for the first time as her father moved to grab her breast, and took her first kiss.
When he finished with her, he had a face full of guilt and shame. She hated that look. Why act so ashamed of her, when he already committed the unforgivable? It was more than he ever gave her, and he knew it. Whether because he wanted her or just wanted to comfort her, her dad gave in and Misato finally had his love.
They had to sneak behind Mom's back of course. She would never stand for this if she knew. In the two years they had, Dad never penetrated her. Maybe that was too much for him at once. A pitiful comfort, Misato decided. He still gave into his sinful urges, allowing his daughter to offer her body up to him and taking advantage of her desperation. Even such horrible deeds were vapid in Misato's eyes, as when they finished he would slink back to his room and ignore her ugly tears. He was judgmental and prudish around others, yet in private used her as a whore for his pleasure.
Maybe Dad hadn't seen things that way. He saved her from Adam, he must have loved her to some degree to make that sacrifice. It did little to soothe Misato however. She hated and loved her father in equal measure. She hated and loved Kaji, for making her think of him. Both were too busy for the messy people stuff, but the sex was theirs for the taking. She loathed sex just as much as she knew she could rely on it for comfort. Much like alcohol, she supposed with amusement. She wasn't so broken as to only engage others through sex, but the act was the most she could ever come to relate to another person.
She hadn't wanted to do it with Shinji, not at first. Misato saw herself in him, a lonely boy thrown away by his father. She brought him home to give him comfort, to shower him with affection he so clearly never got from anyone else in his life. She teased him a little, but that was all it was. Teasing. Somewhere along the way, it stopped being teasing and it frightened her.
Perhaps it made sense. She already related to Shinji on some level. He was respectful, intelligent, kind when he wanted to be. When he wasn't moping around, he could be sarcastic and push back- but not to such an extent Misato felt threatened. Shinji was frail, he needed her. He was devoted enough to fight the Angels for her, an idea that upset her just as much as it made her stomach flutter with butterflies. She didn't want to use him as a tool, she wanted to protect him not the other way around. She could never open herself up fully to men like Kaji, but she felt safe around Shinji. He had no way of wounding her. He excited something in her even when he intruded into her fantasies. Or reality if memory served.
The night of the Seventh Angel came to mind. She was lonely, so being the pathetic creature she was she desired company in the bedroom. Kaji was willing, so they went to her room and fucked. It was supposed to be just that, a way to blow off steam. It wasn't meant to be anything more than that.
However, for one split-second Misato saw the door was open slightly. In the darkness of the room Misato thought she saw a pair of blue eyes watching her. She threw her legs over Kaji's torso, focusing her attention on him even knowing Shinji might have been peeping in. Why didn't she stop it? Why didn't she yell at the boy to leave, or talk to him the next day when she had the chance?
Maybe… maybe she wanted him to see this. Maybe she delighted in the thought of making him see her dirty herself to a man. Maybe she wanted to show him what she was capable of.
Maybe that was why Misato allowed him to see her body, to touch her scar with impunity. It might be why she kissed him in the water, why she struggled so much to stay away from him.
Maybe that was why she despised Asuka getting close to him. Misato was jealous of the girl. She was bratty, annoying and whiny, the things she was as a teenager. Asuka was desperate for Kaji's attention even when he was with her. She handed Asuka that beer to show her how out of depth she was in the realm of adults, a lesson Misato learned all too well from her father. She was jealous when Shinji threw himself into the volcano to save Asuka, even knowing how horrible that sounded. Was she so cruel as to sacrifice Asuka to keep Shinji for herself? She had no answer for that, refusing to dig deeper than that stray thought.
If Shinji almost dying to those bastards didn't spur her feelings on, his declaration of love certainly did. Her heart swooned with joy and her fear tripled in amount. She could never accept them, never! He loved her in the way a child loved an adult, not what she wanted to do to him. She wanted to carve her nails into his body, feel him thrust into her with his strength, as much as a boy like him was capable of. She wanted show him all the ways she could please him as a woman.
Misato knew her feelings were wrong. It was why it took concentrated effort to restrain herself. When she came into his room each night, Misato only sat beside his bed to watch him sleep. The one time she went to touch him, Shinji woke up as if he sensed her approach. She kept him at a respectful distance for the past few months to sort out her horrid feelings, but Misato knew it couldn't last forever. It had to end. She needed to get Shinji transferred to his own apartment for his safety. She couldn't be a mother to him, and it would be horrible to treat him as a man when he so clearly wasn't.
After parking her car, she finally returned to their shared nest. She kept an air of false cheer as she entered.
"Yoohoo, I'm here!"
No answer. Misato sighed, remembering that Shinji probably went to visit his mother's grave. She would have to wait for him to come back. In a way, it was a relief to her. It gave her time to think about her answer. Pen-Pen was probably asleep too so no annoying squawks to interrupt her either.
In the meantime, she decided to head to his room. She wanted to give it one last look, to see what she miss when she made her decision. She slid the door open, finding it exactly as she expected. With no time to go outside, or maybe a lack of inclination to get anything for himself, Shinji's room was rather spartan. Only a futon, his cello, a bag, his clothes hung up outside, and-
"What's this?"
She found the picture lying on the futon. The one she sent him his first day, along with the NERV folder. Did her attraction to him extend to that far back? She must have given him some wrong ideas. He probably thought of her as a slut before meeting her.
Misato shook her head, ignoring the heat building between her legs.
"I'll have to take this away from him when he leaves. I'll explain it was just a stupid joke."
She then sniffed the air picking up an uncomfortably familiar scent.
"Wait, what's that?"
Misato instinctively knew what it was having grown accustomed to it in her own room. She turned her head slowly toward a drawer, one that was open but the slightest but it was enough. The smell came from there, having built up for some time. She calmly walked over to it, opening the drawer ever so slowly and found-
Her panties, stained in cum.
"…"
She was horrified. Disgusted. Betrayed. But most terrible of all?
Excited. He was interested after all, sending Misato spiraling again.
She would change clothes and confront him. She had to, to determine what kind of future they would have. In the meantime, she opened up her phone to text Shinji, letting him know what was to come.
I know what you did. We need to talk.
Author's Notes:
While writing the car ride, I listened to Humanity Part 2 from the Thing (1982) soundtrack for inspiration. It had that idea of approaching danger that felt appropriate for the scene.
The next chapter might take slightly longer to come out, since I'm gonna need to work and get it right. Things have been leading up to their inevitable confrontation, the pay off needs to be worth the struggle to get there.
I've read analysis of the original anime that brought up the possibility of Misato being molested by her father, not a concrete detail but a "whisper of an implication" as they put it. Do I think that's the case in canon? I say no, mostly because we've been inside of Misato's headspace and never got any sense of that. There is too little of Dr. Katsuragi to go off of to confirm anything either way, and I get the feeling that if Anno really wanted to portray someone as sexually abusive he would just do so (see: Shinji and Gendo in EoE). I put it here anyway because I felt it fit the story and its themes. Granted, it wasn't part of the plan when I started the fic. I toyed around with the idea while writing the prologue but only really solidified when I wrote Belladonna Lilies Blossoming which I'm glad I did. I feel like it adds an important dimension to the story, which I might get into next time.
I hope you… well, enjoy isn't the right word. Find it interesting? Let's go with that.
Reviews:
Achalon: In that case, I hope I don't disappoint! Thanks for sticking around!
Traitor of All Traitors: On both accounts, a very fast end is coming. I hope things get better for you.