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Chapter 635 Losing My Way

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Jax was relieved that the member of SAMCRO who killed Scarlett's mother was Clay. It would have been complicated it it had been one of the other guys. He stroked Scarlett's hair as he held her in his arms and thought of all she'd gone through as a kid. It had been hell going to the hospital and sitting beside JT's bed hoping and praying that he would live, but he'd remained in a coma until the doctors said he had no brain activity and Gemma withdrew life support. She'd made it sound like such a painful decision, but now he doubted that. It had all been an act. What Scarlett had gone through—watching her mother being killed and then being chased by her killer—was much worse.

"Scars, I'm sorry. That's so damned awful," he said. The words sounded inadequate to his ears, but they were heartfelt.

"Yeah," she said softly looking up at him. "It feels so long ago almost like I was another person."

"You kind of were another person with your different name," he said with a small smile. "Is there any chance Clay discovered who Violet was and killed her?"

"No, Violet came to Charming to get justice for my mother. I didn't want to go up against the MC. My mother tried and died. She promised to be careful and she looks very different from that night. She had short platinum blonde hair then and wore glasses. There's no way he would have figured out they were the same person. She also knew to be careful. She never gave me any indication that Clay suspected her."

"She definitely looked different from her younger years. I don't think Clay paid much attention to her."

"The night she died, she called me and told me that she hoped to get together with you and that's the last I heard."

"Did you think I might have killed her?"

Scarlett nodded. "I thought you killed her. After we found out about Violet, I decided that I was going to come to Charming to destroy the MC, you and Clay. I was tired of being a coward and I was tired of running. If my psycho ex found me, I wanted to have at least gotten justice for my mother."

Jax looked at her, not surprised at all by her confession and he could feel her honesty.

"You changed your mind?"

"Yeah, I knew early on that you didn't kill Violet. I had no idea how I was going to find Violet's killer or get proof that Clay killed my mother. My father was worried that I was in danger. I think that's why he decided to move to Charming to keep an eye on me."

"You still want to destroy the MC?"

She shook her head. "I saw the MC as one evil entity and SAMCRO isn't like that. It isn't Laredo. I have gotten to know the guys and I really like them."

Jax curled a lock of Scarlett's hair around his finger as he looked at her. He believed her when she said she wasn't out to destroy the MC. She wanted Clay and Violet's killer and he did too.

"So, you were hoping to use me to get to Clay?"

"And to investigate the MC because Violet was there last. I thought I could keep you at a distance." Jax kissed Scarlett long and deep with great tenderness.

"I love you," she whispered. "I tried really hard to resist you."

"I never wanted to resist you," Jax said softly in her ear.

"You just wanted to sleep with me," she teased.

"Beautiful girl with long amazing legs in short shorts, bending over a vintage car? Of course, I wanted to sleep with you."

"Did you stick around because I was a challenge?"

"No. You were the most intriguing girl I'd ever met. Normally, I spend time with girls to get sex, but with you, I enjoyed spending time with you and the more time I spent with you, the more time I wanted to spend with you. And then when I got shot and thought I might die, all I wanted was to see you again."

"I thought Chibs was going to kill you."

"Chibs thought you were going to kill him," Jax said chuckling. "He really likes that about you."

"That I was going to use a broken bottle on him?"

"That you were fierce in protecting me and he likes feisty women. He's told me many times how lucky I am to have you."

"He's always been nice to me and respectful."

"That's because you're my old lady. When I become president, I'll be able to lead the club in a better direction. It sounds like Clay's been morally compromised for a long time. In my father's manuscript, he talks about the importance of a president having an old lady that can be completely trusted not just as someone for the president to confide in but as someone who can help keep him from losing his way."

"Did Gemma do that for your father?"

Jax thought that over for several seconds.

"I think she did, but she and Clay have a different dynamic. Clay literally keeps Gemma in line and if that means physically then that's what he does. JT believed only a weak man hits a woman and Clay believes that you keep your old lady in line with physical violence so she knows her place."

"Gemma comes across as being such a tough woman. I'm kind of surprised she would be with a man that is physically abusive."

"Old school MC, physical abuse was common. I remember as a kid seeing Kyle beating the shit out of April and everyone just ignored it. In the MC, we often solve our problems physically, so that extends to marital problems. JT was more modern. Clay is old school. Gemma's father was a minister. From the little I saw of him, he was a gentle kindly man, but her mother was a domineering overbearing bitch. Gemma hated her. I think she saw her father as weak. I think she saw JT as being weak too. She associated physical abuse with a man being strong. It's sick and twisted, but Gemma wants a man to keep her in line and when Clay slaps her around it fills some need inside her. She sees a man that is physically abusive as strong."

"Gemma sounds a bit like her mother," Scarlett said. "She picks a man kind of like her father in JT, but decides she wants the opposite and picks Clay."

"Sounds about right."

"And what's your style going to be?"

"Not Clay's. My father had it right—only a weak man beats a woman. I want you to be able to always call me out if you think I'm wrong about the direction of the club or anything else. I may not agree with you, but I want to hear your opinion. I've seen how money and power have caused Clay to lose his way. I don't want that to happen to me. Scars, keep me from losing my way and turning into a monster."

She kissed him on the cheek.

"I can do that."

"So about Clay, what were your plans?" Jax asked.

"Ideally, I want him to get stripped of his patch and go into prison unprotected. I figure he won't last long in prison—probably not even long enough to get tried for any crime, but that isn't the point. He's got enemies and without the club's protection, he's going to have a hell of a time in prison before he's finally killed."

Jax laughed. Scarlett always surprised him.

"Yeah, that sounds good to me too. I'm not sure how I'm going to get him thrown into prison after we strip his patch. To kill a member, the vote has to be unanimous, so I can handle keeping the club from killing him."

"If you can't figure out a way to get him locked up after you kick him out of the club, then you need to kill him. I'm not talking about for my mother. The more I think about it, the more I'm worried that if you only kick him out, he'll come after you for revenge. He'll be a wounded animal and they are always the most dangerous."

"I'll try to figure out a way to get him locked up, but if I can't come up with anything, we'll take care of Clay so no one has to worry about him anymore."

"It's going to crush Gemma."

Jax shrugged.

"This is a club problem and has nothing to do with her."

"That's something my mother never understood—that you don't get between a man and the MC. When I first came to town, my father joked that if I told you about the contract on me, you wouldn't kill me right away, but would give me a head start out of town."

Jax chuckled.

"I wouldn't hurt you. Thanks for telling me the truth about everything. I know you are so used to keeping secrets, it must have been uncomfortable for you to tell so much truth."

"One of the many things I love about you—you understand me," she said softly. "It was hard to be so open. My father is the only person I've ever been able to trust. Violet only kept secrets if she felt like it."

"We'll keep each others secrets," Jax said as he began kissing Scarlett before sliding his hand under her T-shirt nightdress.

"Stop right there," Scarlett said removing his hand and jumping to her feet. "You have bruised ribs and are in no condition to get romantic like that. I'm going to give you your pain meds and you are going to sleep."

"Yes, ma'am," Jax said grinning.

Damn, he loved Scarlett. While she was his old lady, that wasn't good enough for him. He fell asleep trying to come up with a perfect romantic proposal. Anything had to be better than when he asked Wendy while they were in the MC bathroom having sex.