Episode 40.
Underpants Gnomes.
(Gravity falls intro plays.)
(Dipper, Mark, Dib, Vana, Jack, Mac, Aang, Sokka, Kitty, Trever, Eric, Momo, and Appa brave the Mountain snowstorms, As they make it out they come to what lies before them.)
(Wendy Testaburger looks behind her and waves as the scene pans out to reveal South park.)
(Dipper is Dragged away from the Group and embraces Mabel, then both get scooped up in Randy's arms.)
(Dib and Vana show Mark and Jack a large footprint inside a bigger footprint, Scenes show the school and Forests of Crossover town.)
Dipper and Mabel.
Pacifica Northwest.
Brian and Stewie.
Stan Kyle Kenny and Cartman.
Wendy Testaburger.
Chef, Mr. Garrison, and Randy marsh.
(Dipper, Mabel, and the Marsh family sit around a campfire, While the shape of a snakehead lurks in the shadows.)
(Scenes of Dr. Eggman, Tak, Cluny the Scourge, and the Horned King appear, Along with Lord Jargafar removing his hood in the shadows.)
(Several scenes with different Characters appear.)
Crossover legends.
One day, Dipper, Mabel and Pacifica (Who had become more open about herself since the night at the Richards Estate.) were sitting in the classroom, mingling about with their other classmates and friends, when Mr. Garrison strolled in.
Mr. Garrison: Alright Kids, If I could have your attention please, I have some difficult news, which is going to make you all very sad.
The Kids listened and waited.
Mr. Garrison: The school board is considering firing me as your teacher.
The students said nothing.
Mr. Garrison: There's a possibility that I'll be let go and never allowed to teach again.
Still no one spoke, Until Stan raised his hand.
Mr. Garrison: Yes Stanley?
Stan: That's okay with us.
Kyle: Yeah, You suck.
Pacifica: Finally!
The other kids voiced their agreement.
Mr. Garrison: No it isn't it makes you very sad!
Dib: Actually, No it doesn't.
Dipper: Yeah you're the worst Teacher ever.
Mr. Garrison: Well fuck you too you… "Stunted dunces!" Now apparently they think I don't teach you all about current events, So tomorrow they're gonna have you all do presentations for the whole board.
The younger kids in the class all groaned, as Mr. Garrison wrote down the assignment on the board.
Mr. Garrison: Current events in Crossover Town, And strictly in Crossover Town, No talk of the things going on in the wide world, So I want you all to read a newspaper, or watch the news to see what's currently going on in Crossover Town.
Mabel: You mean we can't talk about the war?
Mr. Garrison: No, And this will be a group project, so since my class has the most kids, you will all be Organized into Teams of at least Eight peers.
Vana: Well that's convenient enough.
Mr. Garrison: Now then, let's see… Wendy, Bebe, Clyde Donovan, Pip, Token, Lincoln, Clyde McBride and Ronnie Anne, You'll be group 1, Derek, Courntey, Bill, Fosse, Chandler, Katherine, Katie and Kelly will be Group 2, Gumball, Darwin, Anasis, Brimmy, Logan, Megan, Nick, Jenny and Lola are Group 3, Red, Craig, Kevin, Butters, Terrance, Liam, Rusty and Zach will be Group 4, Annie, Heidi, Stella, Girl Jordan, Esther, Millie, Jason and Dogpoo, Group 5 will be Brimmy, Sally, Bradley, Dib, Eric Needles, Trevor, Kitty and Vana, And for the Final group, We'll have… Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Eric Cartman, our new Student Pacifica… and Tweek.
Dipper: Uh Mr Garrison, Whose Tweek?
There was an audible yelp and all eyes turned to a small quivering boy, he had messy Blonde hair that poked out everywhere, and wore a mismatched, navy green shirt with blue pants.
Mabel: That's Tweek.
Kyle: Mr. Garrison, We don't wanna be in a group with Tweek!
Mr. Garrison: There's nothing wrong with Tweek, I bet he'll do a great job in your group.
Tweek: Oh god, I can't take that kind of pressure, Oh sweet Jesus please!
Stan: Dude, we can't work with this kid, he's a mess!
Mr. Garrison: That's what Chad Edwards thought when the new female intern joined the cast of Medical center he thought, whose this-
Pacifica: God I can't believe this idiot is a Teacher period.
Dipper: I can't believe we're in a Fourth Grade class Period.
Mr. Garrison: -So you see?
Mabel: Oh were you… were you talking about a sitcom?
Mr. Garrison: Well just so you know, You have to give your orel report to the entire South Park Committee tomorrow, and if it doesn't kick ass, and you make me look bad, Mr. Hat is gonna smack you bitches up!
Dipper: Well we'll be sure to write our last will and testament then.
Tweek: AGH!
Pacifica: So what's the deal with this kid again?
Mabel: I think his family owns the local Coffee place.
Meanwhile,
Outside of Town, Sat a small brown Coffee place, called Tweek Bros. It was a seedly little establishment run by Tweeks father, Richard, while his son was at School, a Man came in dressed in a blue business suit.
Richard: Oh Hello, how can I help you?
John: Hello Mr. Tweek, My name is John Postum, from the Starbucks Coffee corporation.
Richard: Oh, so you're the corporate guy who's been calling.
John: That's right, How come you don't call me back? All we wanna do is buy out your Coffee shop here.
Richard: I'm sorry Sir, But my store is not for sale.
John: My company is prepared to make you a very generous offer.
He placed the briefcase on the front desk and opened it.
John: This is a cramsonite briefcase, all leathered, has up to four compartments, and has a keyless lock, Interested?
Richard: Oh I don't think so, My Coffee shop is worth a lot to me.
John: Okay, How about $500,000?
Richard: The answer is still no Mr. Postum, You see, when my father opened this store 30 years ago, he cared about only one thing, making a great cup of Coffee, sure we may take a little longer to brew a cup and we may not call it fancy names, But I guess we just care a little more, and that's why Tweek Coffee is still home brewed in the finest beans we can muster, yes, Tweek Coffee is a simpler Coffee, for a simpler America…
John: Well that's all well and good Mr. Tweek, But we're just gonna have to open our Starbucks right next to you.
Richard: But that would put me out of business.
John: Hey, This is a capitalist Country pal, and besides, with all the Villain Factions out there these days, Business gotta expand where they can, so get used to it!
And he walked out the door, Just as Mark and Harrold Testaburger entered the establishment.
Richard: Ah, Lieutenant Testbuger, Mr. Testaburger, Welcome.
Mark: Hello Mr. Tweek, Who was that?
Richard: Aw, just some dong, what can I get for you both? Large Coffee? Small Coffee?
Harrold: Eh, the usual I suppose, Small for me, large for him.
Richard: Alright, take a seat in the meantime.
As Mr. Tweek left to fetch their orders, Mark and Harold sat down and discussed their business.
Harold: I'm worried Mark, All these Villains sneaking in, All the Villain infiltrations, Gang wars, And now Courtney's coming back, I knew we thought they'd be safe here but…
Mark: Harold, Believe me when I say, I've been having those concerns for the last month, even after all of Jack's pep talks, And all the trouble they've gotten into… I've come to consider that maybe, this isn't the safest place for them after all.
Harold: But where else are they supposed to go? There's nowhere else!
Mark: I wish I could say… I fear the time will come when they have to fight back, But between you and me, I feel like they'd want nothing more at this point.
Meanwhile, Back at School.
All the kids situated their desks around who was assigned in their group, Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Tweek congregated and discussed the topic of their Project.
Dipper: Okay, So if we're going to do this stupid report… We'll need to figure out what it should be about, any ideas.
The kids pondered amongst themselves.
Cartman: How about that Raymond guy on TV? Everybody loves Raymond.
Kyle: No dumbass, We can't do a TV Personality, It has to be about a current event in Crossover Town.
Mabel: And specifically in Crossover Town.
Dipper: God, I wish we could do it on the war… Maybe then people could start doing something.
Pacifica: That'd be nice…
Stan: You have any ideas Tweek?
Tweek: AGH! Too much pressure!
Kenny: (Huh, A Lot of help you are.)
Tweek: The Gnomes!
Dipper and Mabel instantly perked up.
Dipper: What?!
Mabel: What was that?!
Tweek: We could do a report on the Gnomes.
Stan: What Gnomes?
Tweek: The Underpants Gnomes, the little men t-that come in late into your room at night and steal your underpants.
Pacifica: Eh, I've seen weirder stuff.
Stan: I've never seen these things.
Tweek: They come out at 3:30 AM, most people aren't awake by then, But I am, I can't sleep, ever!
Kyle: Even if they're real, We can't do our Report on Gnomes, Mr. Garrison will probably think we're making it up.
Tweek: Just sleep at my house tonight, I'll prove it to you!
Dipper: Okay It's settled, We'll go to Tweeks house and see the Underpants Gnomes!
Later that night,
At Tweeks house, Richard spoke to his wife Helen.
Richard: They want me to sell off the store, But it's so much money for us…
Helen: Some things are more important than Money, The people of Crossover Town count on you to give them that first cup of coffee every day, especially in these dark times.
Richard: I know, But if they open a Starbucks right next to us, we might go out of business, they really have my balls in a vice grip.
Just then, Tweek entered the room, followed by Dipper, Mabel and the others.
Helen: Oh, hello son, How was your day?
Tweek: Unh!
Helen: That's good, and who are your new friends?
Dipper: Um, Hello, we're your son's Orel report group, we came over to write it.
Richard: Say, Your Dipper and Mabel Pines aren't you?
Mabel: You knew our parents?
Richard: Uh, of course! Why your the spitting image of your Father, my boy.
Dipper: Good to know.
Helen: Well now, Have some Coffee kids, I'll brew up another pot for later.
Helen and she gave each of the kids a mug of Coffee.
Kyle: Coffee? I don't think I like Coffee.
Helen: Oh you'll like this Coffee, It's fresh.
Richard: Country fresh, like the morning after a rainstorm.
Stan: Uh… Okay.
Pacifica: Thanks for the refreshments and all, But I don't see how this will help us figure out a report, we have to present it to the entire Crossover Town Committee tomorrow.
Richard: Oh do you know, I might have an idea, how about you do a report on how large corporations take over Family owned businesses?
Helen: Richard!
Richard: No I'm serious hun, These kids should learn how the corporate machine is ruining America, You see, I own the local Coffee shop and now a big Multi Million dollar company is going to move in and take all my business, which means I might have to close down and sell my son into slavery.
Tweek: Gah! Slavery?!
Richard: Yes, Slavery.
Dipper: Jesus christ! Why?!
Richard: They really have my balls in a Salad shooter.
Mabel: That's cool and all, but we're already doing a report on the Gnomes stealing Tweeks underpants.
Helen: Now Tweek how many times do we have to tell you? Your Underpants are missing because you lose them, not because of those Underpants Gnomes.
Tweek: Ugn!
Dipper: Aw come on guys, We better get to work, thanks for the Coffee Mrs. Tweak.
And the kids all went up to Tweeks room.
Richard: Okay, But corporate takeovers is a much more sensible subject.
Pacifica cast one last look at Mr. Tweak, before following the other.
Helen: Honestly Richard, I don't see why you have to preach to some children.
Richard: In case you haven't noticed, two of those children are Heroes. The boy killed Scratch Ironclaw and the girl made the Hulkbusters go away. Maybe it's time they were our Heroes, I got an Idea.
Upstairs,
The Kids all sat around Tweeks Room, each one taking a small sip of their respective Coffee, Which was also a first for the younger boys.
Kyle: Man, This stuff is strong.
Stan: And kind of bitter.
Mabel took her sip and forced herself to take in the flavor.
Mabel: Yeah, and it tastes like… stale Owl pellets.
From another corner of the room, Tweek was huddled up against the wall, muttering nervously to himself for the others to hear.
Tweek: What if my parents go out of business, what will I do then?
Dipper came over to the boy and sat next to him.
Dipper: Hey, don't worry about it.
Tweek: But we'll starve and die like dogs!
Cartman: Tweek, Tweek, You can always go on welfare money, look at Kenny's family, they're perfectly happy being poor and on welfare, Right Kenny?
Kenny: (Fuck you.)
Cartman laughed.
Cartman: You suck Kenny.
Pacifica: Oh piss off Cartman, Now let's think… what are we going to do our report on…
Dipper tried to speak up.
Pacifica: No, we're not doing the Gnomes.
Kyle: Well, whatever we come up with, we might as well finish all this Coffee so we can stay up long enough.
Mabel: I don't know guys, I don't really trust this Coffee.
Pacifica: Come on, It's from a run down home owned business, what's so bad about-
Later.
By 10:08 PM, The kids were all off the walls, they ran around the room, jumping up and down, screaming and laughing like mad men.
Dipper: YESS!
Mabel: ALRIGHT!
Pacifica: GET THIS PARTY UP!
Stan: YEAH THIS STUFF ROCKS!
Kenny: (LET ME TRY! LET ME TRY!)
Kyle: TOTALLY DUDE, I FEEL AWESOME!
Cartman was running around the rim of a throw rug like an Olympian.
Cartman: YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS! SERIOUSLY! I'M A SORCERER! ZHYAGAH ZHYAH, ZHYAGOT THAT!
Kyle: HEY TWEEK! YOU GOT ANYMORE OF THIS STUFF?
Tweek: Uh… I just have grounds.
Kyle: KILLER!
Mabel: WAH WAH WAH! I SEE EVERYTHING!
Cartman: LET ME HAVE SOME GROUNDS!
Cartman took the ground, swallowed them, and then threw up.
Kyle: GROSS CARTMAN, WHOOPEE!
By 3:26 AM, The kids were tired, and each having a massive headache.
Kyle: Ugh… My stomach hurts…
Dipper: God I feel like shit…
Mabel: What the hell was in that Coffee…?
Just then, Mr Tweek entered the room.
Richard: How's the report going kids?
Stan: Bad, We haven't gotten anything done and we're totally screwed!
Richard: Would you like some more Coffee?
Cartman: No… More… Coffee…
Richard: Well, I don't mean to pry, But you could still do that whole, corporate takeovers bit I pitched, In fact, I wrote the whole thing for you already.
Kids: YOU DID?
Richard: Yes, and you don't have to use it of course.
Kyle: I uh… sure, we'll use it.
Richard: Fantastic and it can be our little secret about who wrote it, alright?
Stan: Okay.
As Richard gave the Boys specific instructions.
Tweek noticed a sound coming from the hallways,
Time to go to work,
Work all night,
Search for underpants hey!
We won't stop until we have underpants,
Yum Tum, Tummy Tum, Day!
Tweek: Ah, there they are!
Dipper was the only one to notice and quickly covered Tweeks mouth as he observed the Gnomes, They were evan small than the ones from Gravity Falls, wore red shirts, Blue pants and black belts, along with a tall pointed hat that was either green or black in color, and backpacks on their backs.
Dipper: No way…
Time to go to work,
Work all night,
Search for underpants hey!
We won't stop until we have underpants,
Yum Tum, Tummy Tum, Day!
The Gnomes quickly plundered Tweeks drawer and took off with some Underpants.
Dipper: Unbelievable.
Pacifica: What?
Tweek: They took them again!
Mabel: Okay, Thanks Mr. Tweak.
Richard: My pleasure, G'night kids.
And he left the room.
Dipper: What happened?
Mabel: Tweek's dad gave us our orel report!
Stan: Your Dad rocks Tweek!
Pacifica: Guys, I don't know about this, I feel like there's something about Tweek's dad that feels off.
Kenny: (What do you mean?)
Pacifica: Do we even know what was in that Coffee?
Tweek: They took my underpants again! Soon they'll want my Blood! BLOOD! EUUUGGH!
The Next Day.
The group stood before the Crossover Town Committee as they gave their "Report".
Dipper: And as the… Voluminous… Corporate… Automaton… Bulldozes its way through… Bantam America…?
Mabel: What will become of the endeavoring American family?
Mr. Garrison: I don't think they wrote this Mr. Hat.
Pacifica: Perhaps there is no stopping the corporate machine, And… that's our report.
Mr. Garrison: Well children, It's obvious-
Chairwoman: Great job!
Mr. Garrison: Yes, Great job.
Chairwoman: You children have really opened our eyes, we didn't even know this was happening.
Cartman: Neither did we.
Committee member #1: Well Garrison, I suppose we were wrong about you, You really are teaching these kids something.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah well I don't wanna sound like a dickhole, But I did tell you so.
The Chairwoman of the Committee then stood up.
Chairwoman: I for one am moved by this, and for that, I say we follow the cause of these Children.
Pacifica: What?!
Committee member #2: Yes, let's join them in the fight against corporate takeovers!
Tweek: Ah! Too much pressure!
Meanwhile,
Back at Tweek's Coffee, The new Starbucks was being erected as quickly as possible, While Mr. and Mrs. Tweek watched from the side.
John: Good, Good, New all that's left is to get the paint on and the Iconic sign.
Helen: My goodness, that's going to be a big Coffee shop.
Richard: Yes it is, they really have my balls in a juice maker.
Just then, Dipper, Tweek and the others arrived.
Richard: Oh hello Son, How did your report go?
Tweek: Wah!
Dipper: It went… very well, The Committee really enjoyed it.
Richard: Did they now? Well son I say you just saved the Family business, what do you have to say about that?
Tweek: I need Coffee!
Richard: I know how you kids feel, Sometimes a hot cup of French Roast Amaretto is just what a man needs to get him through the day. That smooth Aroma and mild taste is what makes Tweak Coffee Very Special.
He then walked up to a stump and placed his left foot on it, while holding a cup of Coffee.
Richard: Special, like and Arizona sunrise or a juniper wet with dew, A light rain in the middle of a-
Tweek: Dad!
Richard: What?
Tweek: Enough with the fake Ads!
Richard: Oh sorry son, here you go.
He quickly handed his Son a Cup of Coffee and the boy quickly drank it down.
Pacifica: Uh… Are you okay giving this kid so much Coffee?
Helen: What do you mean?
Dipper: Well… Look at him, He's always shaking, nervous and… paranoid.
Tweek: AGH!
Helen: Oh that, He has ADD, Attention deficit disorder, that's why he's so jittery all the time.
Dipper: Are you sure? Because…
Before Dipper could go on, The Crossover Town Committee appeared.
Chairwoman: Mr. Tweak, we've only just heard!
Richard: Oh, Hello Committee members.
Chairwoman: So this is the corporate bulldozer trying to push you off the map.
Committee member #2: These Children did an amazing report for us this morning, they're so upset by this whole thing.
Pacifica: We are?
Chairwoman: Don't worry Mr. Tweak, This Committee is not going to let you be run out of business by these Bastards, YOU HEAR THAT! YOUR NOT GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS YOU WHORE!
John: EXCUSE ME?!
Committee member #2: Now kids, we talked it over and we think you should take your case to the Mayor.
Dipper: The Mayor?!
Tweek: Gah! No way, that is way too much pressure.
Richard: Oh you'll do fine Son.
Tweek: AGH!
Later,
Soon they came to City Hall and told Mayor McDaniels everything.
Chairwoman: And would have never even known this was happening if it weren't for these Amazing kids.
The Mayor was stunned.
Mayor McDaniels: You're telling me, that children from Mr. Garrison's class actually said something that had actual relevance to the world?
Chairwoman: That's right.
Mayor McDaniels: …Mr. Garrison, the guy with the puppet?
Chairwoman: Yes!
Mayor McDaniels: Well I must say Garrison, Perhaps you're not as stupid and crazy as I've always told people you are.
Mr. Garrison: Thank you Mayor, you know, I don't wanna sound like a Dickhole and all, but I-
Chairwoman: Mayor, these children want that Starbucks Coffee shut down right now!
The rest of the Committee members agreed.
Mayor McDaniels: Well I can't just shut them down, this is a free country!
Chairwoman: But they're ruining our city!
Mabel: This isn't a city!
Mayor McDaniels: Look, the best I can do is make a petition, We'll call it Prop 10, The town can vote on it and if it passes, we'll see what we can do.
Committee member #3: That's fair.
Chairwoman: What do you say kids? We're gonna pass a law.
Dipper: A law?!
As the Mayor explained the details of Prop 10, Mr. Garrison beckoned the kids outside.
Mr. Garrison: Pst, Hey Kids, could you come over here?
They did so.
Mr. Garrison: Now kids, I don't know who wrote that report for you, But now that everyone thinks it's you, you better just play along with this charade, Because if people realize the truth, and I end up fired, Mr. Hat is gonna do Horrible things to you.
The Puppet then whispered something in his ear.
Mr. Garrison: Oh not that Mr. Hat, that's just too far! Anyway, good luck passing that new law.
And he walked off.
Pacifica: What the fuck have we gotten into?
Tweek: Gah!
Later on.
Announcer: Live, It's the Crossover Town Hall Meeting on public access, Tonight's topic: Prop. 10!
Mediator: Should Starbucks be allowed to open a store here in Crossover Town? That's the Question of tonight, on my left, are Eight sweet starry eyed kids from Middle America.
Dipper: We're not starry eyed.
Mediator: And on my left, A Big fat smelly corporate guy from New York.
The Audience booed at Mr. Postum.
John: Hey! I'm not Fat, or Smelly!
Mediator: Alright Mr. Douchebag.
John: Postum!
Mediator: My apologies Mr. Assface, Now let's hear your side of the argument.
John: Well, My argument is simple, This country is founded on free enterprise, Starbucks is an Organization that…
There was now hissing from the crowd, cutting off Mr. Postum.
John: AN ORGANIZATION THAT PRIDES ITSELF ON GOOD COFFEE, WE SIMPLY WANT TO… AW TO HELL WITH YOU PEOPLE!
Mediator: Alright, Now for the other side of the Argument, we turn to the conquering Heroes, Dipper and Mabel and their merry band, Pines Twins, Your thoughts.
Dipper and Mabel couldn't think of anything to say, They looked to the others, and then at Garrison, who crossed his arms.
Dipper: We… Uh…
Mabel: We'd uh… just like say…
Cartman: This guy sucks ass!
And the crowd cheered.
Mediator: Great argument! You win children!
John: WHAT?!
Pacifica: Jesus… This is insane.
Mabel: I know we've been through the whole big money is bad thing, But I actually feel sorry for this poor guy…
Later again.
Over the following days, Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Tweek became the subject of Various ads about Prop 10.
One such Ad was presented to the Tweaks, by the Crossover Town Committee.
Chairwoman: So what do you think?
Richard: It looks Great!
Chairwoman: Excellent, we'll put it out as soon as possible!
Richard: What do you think Hun?
But Helen just crossed her arms and walked off.
Richard: Hun? Hun? What's the matter?
Helen: I don't like this Richard.
Richard: What do you mean?
Helen: We're just using those kids for our benefit, The Pines Twins clearly want no part in it.
Richard: But they're local Heroes, They're perfect for getting people on our side!
Helen: They're still children Richard, You can't just use them to sell your beliefs, I won't be a part of this anymore.
And she walked out of the room.
Richard: But Helen, All's fair in love and war… and coffee… Hun? H-Hun?
Meanwhile,
By now, The town's masses had been swayed to the Tweaks side, and stood protesting outside the new Starbucks.
Protestor #1: Take your corporate Coffee and go back to New York City!
All: YEAH!
Protestor #2: It's people like you who are ruining Main Street USA!
All: YEAH!
Protestor #1: HOW MANY NATIVE AMERICANS DID YOU KILL TO MAKE THAT COFFEE?!
All: …YEAH!
John: Aw shucks, nobody's buying any coffee, I'll have to try and appeal to the younger crowd.
And so he did, He put on a Siren costume, went outside with a tray of Coffee, and noticed a passing kid.
John: Hey Kid, It's me, the Starbucks Siren, And I sure love a good cup of Coffee, It makes you feel super!
The Boy just stared in bewilderment.
John: I have a surprise for you, The new Kiddichino from Starbucks, More sugar and all the other goodies kids like with all the caffeine of a normal double latte.
The Boy almost reached for one, but his mother showed up and pulled him back.
Mother: No Billy, No coffee for you.
She turned to Mr. Postum.
Mother: You should be ashamed of yourself!, using Trans rights to push caffeine on children!
John: What the hell does this have to do with Trans rights?! What are you Transphobic?!
Suddenly, Mr. Tweak approached.
Richard: Uh, Mr. Postum, I'm afraid you've got a lot to learn about making coffee.
John: I HAVE TO LEARN!? How dare you! Your Coffee tastes like three-day-old moldy diarrhea!
Richard: Well I'm sorry to inform you that this town is having a vote tomorrow, and if Prop 10 passes you're gonna be thrown out of town.
John: What?!
Richard: At five o'clock, the best coffee wins, either your coffee, or a fresh warm cup… or Tweaks coffee, like an old sweater that keeps getting warmer with age, you can count on Tweaks coffee to start your day.
And he walked off, just as Brain Griffin emerged from the Starbucks.
Brian: Ah, A fresh good cup of Coffee that isn't Tweaks Coffee.
An audible gasp erupted from nearby.
Protestor #3: That Dog is buying from the corporate bastards!
Woman: Get him!
And they all immediately attacked Brian and beat the crap out of him, while the Mayor and Badger discussed the set up for tomorrow's vote.
Badger: And we'll have the stage and Ballet Booths right here, and before the final debate, we'll have a band to start it off.
Mayor McDaniels: Like… Toto?
Badger: Hmm yes, they'll do, And then Mr. Postum will have five minutes to speak, same with the children, and then the vote will be decided.
Mayor McDaniels: Thank you Badger, that will do.
Said kids stood off to the side and heard everything.
Dipper: They expect us to give a five minute speech on corporate takeovers?!
Pacifica: Jesus, When is this gonna end!?
Stan: Your dad really screwed us Tweek!
Tweek: Oh god, I'm to blame for all of this, I'm to blame for everything!
Dipper: No you're not, We'll get through this guy's, Somehow.
But Dipper didn't know what to do.
Later that night.
The kids were once again in Tweeks room, worrying over what to write about their new speech.
Mabel: Okay, So what do we do?
Cartman: We could just read the paper we wrote last time.
Kyle: No, Dumbass, then they'll know we didn't write it! We have to be Original.
Stan: Okay, I'll write it down, You all come up with Ideas.
Kenny: (Does anybody know anything about Corporations?)
As the kids talked among themselves, Dipper noticed Pacifica sitting on the open window sill, gazing out into the night, he quietly walked over to her.
Dipper: Uh, hey, you got any ideas?
Pacifica sighed.
Pacifica: Why are we helping with this farce Dipper?
Dipper: I don't know, I just know it's not because Garrison threatened us.
Pacifica: Then why?
Dipper: Eh… I said I don't know, this whole town is crazy, It's just not… Gravity Falls…
They were silent for a moment.
Pacifica: I don't trust Tweeks dad, He's clearly using us.
Dipper: I know, the boys have no Idea what they're saying, And I don't really feel comfortable with him being around his Son, Something just feels… off.
Pacifica: And the way he talks to him…
Pacifica's voice trailed off.
Pacifica: Dipper… What was your dad like?
Dipper's eyes widened.
Dipper: My dad… He was… good… Yeah, good… He worked for a software company, pretty good at programing, He was also, something of a hard case, like Grunkle Stan, he thought Mabel goofed around too much, and sometimes, he'd… totally get on my nerves, in his Office, he'd watch a bunch of outdated comedy shorts on YouTube, his laughter was annoying as hell, Hah, yeah, the guys sense of humor was dated… And you know, the funny thing is… After everything… I'd do anything to hear him laugh again.
Pacifica: That sounds nice…
Dipper: We'd also celebrate Every holiday, every year, at Mabel's insistence, back then I thought it was nonsensical… I guess you never know what you have until it's gone…
Pacifica: …At least you had a nice family… and you still do, I could never say the same…
They said nothing for a moment, but then a strange tune filled the air.
Time to go to work,
Work all night,
Search for underpants hey!
Pacifica: What the heck is that?
We won't stop until we have underpants,
Yum Tum, Tummy Tum, Day!
Time to go to work,
Work all night,
Search for underpants hey!
We won't stop until we have underpants,
Yum Tum, Tummy Tum, Day!
Tweek: AGH! They're back!
The kids all stopped what they were doing and looked.
Kyle: Whoa Dude!
Cartman: Well I'll be damned!
Tweek: They're taking my last pair of underpants!
And they were, they quickly took Tweeks underpants, singing all the while.
Time to go to work,
Work all night,
Search for underpants hey!
We won't stop until we have underpants,
Gnome #1: Oh shit! These kids are awake!
Gnome #2: Make a break for it!
Dipper: Wait!
The Underpants Gnomes quickly darted from the room, But Dipper quickly bolted to the door and shut before the last Gnome could escape!
Gnome: AGH! Don't eat me!
Kyle: Hey, Hey, We're not gonna eat you.
Carmtan: Bad!
Cartman took up a stick and whacked the Gnome with it.
Stna: Cartman!
Cartman: What?
Stan: Why do you always have to hit people with a stick?
Cartman: Well look at him, He's all, You know, Uh I- Look at him.
Gnome: Is that why you're a pussy?
Cartman: Ey, don't call me a pussy! You're a pussy!
Gnome: You're a pussy, Pussy!
Cartman: Ey!
Cartman almost whacked the Gnome again, until Dipper swiped it out of his hand.
Dipper: That's enough "Bad" for you.
And he whacked the fat boy.
Mabel: Wow, A Gnome, I didn't think I'd see any here.
Gnome: What? You've seen Gnomes before?
Pacifica: Yeah, though we were expecting your whole head to be your body and to have red hats.
Gnome: Oh you must mean our Cousins over in Oregon, Haven't heard from them in a while, Do you guys still talk to them.
Dipper, Mabel and Pacifica shared an uncomfortable look between them.
Stan: So, Why are you guys stealing Tweeks underpants?
Kyle: Yeah, look what you're doing to this poor kid.
Tweek: AGH!
Gnome: Stealing underpants is Big Business in Gnome society.
Mabel: Business? Wait, You know about Business?
Gnome: Sure, that's what Gnomes do.
Kyle: Could you show us?
Gnome: Okay, Open the door and follow me!
Dipper opened the door and they all followed the little Gnome out of the house and into the western forest in the dead of night.
Gnome: Not much longer now.
Mabel: Where are we going?
Gnome: To where we Gnomes keep the Underpants we collect.
Soon they came up to a grove of trees, and the little Gnome went up to one and opened the door.
Gnome: Here we are, Follow me.
They continued following the Gnome down the tree and through a series of underground caves, until they finally came upon a big cave where several Gnomes were piling up a whole lot of underpants, as tall as a man!
Stan: Whoa, this place is huge!
Kyle: Yeah… It's almost as big as Cartman's ass!
Cartman: Ey!
Gnome: This is where all our work is done.
Mabel: And what do you do with all these stolen underpants?
Gnome: Collecting underpants is just phase 1, Phase 1: Collect underpants.
Pacifica: And what's Phase 2?
The Gnome said nothing, he just looked around at the other Gnomes.
Gnome: Hey! What's Phase 2?
Gnome #3: Phase 1: Collect underpants.
Gnome: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Bug what about Phase 2?
The Gnomes all stopped what they were doing.
Gnome #3: Well, Phase 3 is Profit.
Stan: I don't get it.
Gnome #4: Well allow me to explain.
He went over to a Large chart.
Gnome #4: Phase 1: collect Underpants, Phase 2: ? Phase 3: Profit!
Dipper: That sounds about right.
Mabel: Grunkle Stan would love these guys.
Kyle: So do you guys know anything about Corporations?
Gnome: You bet we do!
Gnome #3: Us Gnomes are geniuses at Corporations.
Kenny: (Great! Cause we've got to learn everything about them by tomorrow, or we're gonna be in trouble!)
Dipper: What can you tell us about Corporate takeovers?
Gnome: Oh we'll tell you, for a price…
Mabel: What price?
Gnome: You know.
Pacifica: …Underpants?
Underpants Gnomes: UNDERPANTS!
The Next Day.
Pror 10 supporters were out in force the next day, with Tota just finishing up a performance.
Chairwoman: Toto everyone!
Only one guy cheered for Toto.
Chairwoman: And now, before we all vote yes on Prop. 10, Here to remind us why, are our Heroes, Dipper Pines, Slayer of Scratch Ironclaw, and his sister Mabel, the friend of the Hulk and all their other friends!
Everyone cheered as Dipper, Mabel and their group took to the stage.
Dipper: Uh, hello everyone… Since we are so… "Concerned" with the corporate takeovers, We asked a "Consultant" about the subject of Big Corporations.
Mabel: And from his knowledge… and our own personal experience, While there are… Downsides to big Corporations, In the end, they're all good!
Everyone was surprised.
Mabel: Because without Big Corporations, we wouldn't have cars and computers or any other product in this day and age.
Dipper: Evan Starbucks Coffee started off as a small business, But because they did so well and made great Coffee, they managed to grow and grow, until it became the corporate powerhouse it is today! And that is why we welcome Starbucks to Crossover Town!
From the Starbucks Building, Mr. Postum heard everything, while everyone else was compelled stunned.
Lynn Sr.: What the hell?
Tigger: You… sellouts!
Rabbit: We thought you were against this!
Chairwoman: You were supposed to be looking out for the little guy!
Pacifica: Uh yeah, That's the thing, That Orel report we presented, We never wrote it at all.
The crowd gasped.
Mr. Garrison: YOU LITTLE TURDS! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!
And still screaming, Mr. Garrison was pulled away by Officer Barbardy and Randy.
Just than, Mrs. Tweek joined the stage.
Helen: The Pines Twins are absolutely right, We've been using Dipper and Mabel and their friends to pull at your heartstrings for our own cause and it's wrong, we're as low and despicable as Rob Reiner.
Pacifica: Yeah, all you people do is protest and complain, and call us sellouts and corporate scum all you want, But aside from Brian Griffin, Did any of you even taste Starbucks Coffee before?
There was now more silence from the audience, as they looked at each other.
Pacifica: Starbucks got to where it is today by being the best! If you're really sure you hate it, then why don't you try it?
And thus, Mr. Postum came out of the building with a tray of Coffee, everyone crowded around and took a taste.
Tigger: Oh, I like this.
Rabbit: Why yes, this is pretty good.
Dandelion: Yeah, doesn't have that raw sewage taste that Tweaks Coffee has.
Brian: Yeah, more you know.
Mr. Tweak then came over and took a sip himself.
Richard: Hey, this IS good Coffee.
John: Thanks, It's a french roast.
Stewie: This is the best Coffee ever tasted.
John: Hey, No hard feelings Tweak, You know, we still need someone to run this place.
Richard: Yes, I think I'd like that.
Badger: Well Children, It seems you managed to settle things just fine after all.
Mabel: Thanks Badger.
Badger: One thing though, Who were these "Consultants" you spoke with?
Tweek: Aggghhh!
Meanwhile,
In another part of Town, a pair of Weasels entered a bar, and met with a man with a handlebar mustache.
Mr. Winky: So lads, either of you followed.
Weasel #1: No Chief, all clear.
Mr. Winky: Good, Cause Mr. Sykes is calling.
To Be Continued.
And how about that folks, So ends another (Actually more peaceful episode.) of Crossover Legends, which is actually our 40th Episode to date, But things might not be so simple next time…
This chapter was based on the South Park Episode "Gnomes" which introduces us to the Character of Tweek, call this a filler episode if you want, But you'll be seeing more of Tweek in the future, I promise you that. :)
In other news, we are now on the verge of October's eve and a new story is soon to be in the works, So unfortunately, I must put this story on hold again to work on it more, along all the other stories I need to update, Expect another chapter of Quest for the Black Cauldron to come though.
Stay tuned for now. :)