And Beauty There Echoes the Speck of Our Souls

by JamesLuver

Suki x Eve. A collection of oneshots inspired by text message prompts.

4. ( sms) Dinner tonight? My treat

4. (✉️➡️sms) Dinner tonight? My treat.

For the first time in months, life is good. Better than good. Bloody fantastic. Better than she had ever hoped in her wildest dreams.

Nish is gone. She is free.

And she has Eve back.

Eve. The love of her life.

---

It hadn't been easy. It never has been for them. This time, instead of falling straight back into her arms, Eve had resisted. Said that she couldn't do it again. Stacey, never her biggest fan, had made it her mission to block Suki's attempts to talk to her at every turn. Suki couldn't even blame her for that.

But this time it was different. There were no obstacles left in their way. She knew what she wanted. And that was Eve.

She'd been made to work for it, but she had been willing to put that work in. She'd worked hard all of her life to get what she wanted in business, and the same principles applied here.

Getting Eve to trust her again. In increments, never pushing too hard. The hard sell would have failed. She needed the gentler approach, difficult as it had been. To show she was dependable this time. That, finally, she could be trusted not to break Eve's heart again.

Everything about Eve had been guarded. Her smiles, tight and small and lacking their usual open charm. Her eyes, watchful and withdrawn. Her posture, stiff and reserved, and never coming too close, like a rabbit afraid of the fox.

The words that had broken her heart, the words that a year ago would have sent her scurrying back into the depths of her denial, never to see the light of day again.

"I'm sorry, Suki. Too much time has passed, too much has happened. I was so wrapped up in you that I forgot I was me. And I deserve the chance to lead the life I want to lead, out in the open with someone who won't shut me out at the first sign of trouble. I hope that one day you can find someone who is all the things you need. But we're in different places. That person can't be me anymore. I need someone who is at the same stage in life as me. Someone who wants me in the light and not just the shadows. Someone who wants to settle down, who might want to co-parent a pet in lieu of a kid."

And Stacey's more brutal approach, fierce and cutting, cornering her in the shop, woman to woman with all of that shared history laid out in front of them like a tangled web: "Eve's still in love with you. She's so generous, so good, and she was never going to move on quickly. But she will. One day, she's going to realise it hurts a little less. And the next day, and the next, until she finds that it's just a scar on her past. Then she'll find someone who appreciates her, who loves her the way she deserves, and you're going to respect that and let her go."

Suki hadn't seen the point in arguing that she did appreciate Eve, that she could love her in all the ways she deserved. Stacey hadn't wanted to hear it, and actions spoke louder than words.

So she had been patient. Tried to be Eve's friend again first.

Offered her smiles and kind platitudes whenever she entered the shop—"Got any interesting plans this weekend?" or "I saw there was an article on the Lionesses in this magazine when I was unpacking them, I thought you might like to see it." or "We've been doing a roaring trade on gum today, for some reason, so I kept a packet back for you." Nothing that could raise Stacey's suspicions about ulterior motives, but enough to let Eve know that she was serious about the two of them being friends, if it was something that Eve felt she could stretch to.

There had been tests. Torturous ones.

Suki should have expected it, of course. Eve dating. She'd heard enough on the grapevine to know that Eve was out there hooking up with other women with reckless abandon, but there was a difference between accepting that it was happening whilst she was trapped in that terrible marriage with Nish, when she had impressed upon Eve just how impossible it was for them to be together again, and another thing entirely when Suki was free and unable to claim her like she was desperate to.

Even with this new distance between them, Eve had still been respectful. Had cared enough to be transparent. And perhaps even testing the waters? Stacey's words echoed: "She's still in love with you."

It was the idea of that that Suki had clung to.

She came into the shop early one morning, giving Suki a small smile in greeting and heading over to the fridge.

"Out of milk again?" Suki asked as she watched her pick up two lots of four pints.

"Yeah. Freddie drowns his cereal in the stuff, we're lucky if he leaves enough dregs for a cup of tea. Jean's already on the brink of a meltdown with having to get the kids to school while Stace opens the van, so I figured I'd dash across here quickly to give her one less thing to stress about."

Eve brought them across to the counter, and Suki reached out to scan them. There was a tension in Eve's stance, she noted. A tightness to her jaw that made it even sharper than usual, that unconscious tick of running her fingers through her hair when she was nervous or flustered that Suki had picked up from the months they had spent learning and falling in love with each other.

"Everything okay?" she prompted.

Eve shifted from foot to foot, as if she wasn't quite sure how to say what she wanted to. At last, she simply blurted, "I have a date tonight."

If she was truly honest with herself, it was not something Suki had expected to hear. Mostly because she'd heard Eve say time and time again that she was done, only to go back on her promise mere days later. A part of her had assumed, perhaps arrogantly, that it was only a matter of time before Eve cracked.

How stupid. How vain.

Suki fought to keep her face impassive. "Oh. I see. Well, I hope you have a lovely time."

"I don't want you to think I'm rubbing it in your face. I don't want to hurt you. I just…I didn't want you to hear it from anyone else first."

By that she meant Stacey, who would certainly have no qualms about crushing her heart into the dirt. Who would gloat and rejoice that Eve was finally doing what she had always threatened.

"I'm not hurt," she assured her, a bare-faced lie. "I want you to be happy, Eve, I hope you know that. I can't pretend that the feelings have gone away. But I understand that I was the one to break us apart. I respect that you need someone who can give you all the things you deserve, just as you respected the decision I made. What's her name?"

"It's Rachel."

"Where did you meet her?"

"I haven't, not yet." Eve shrugged. "Thought I'd give online dating another go. She has a nice smile. I didn't see the harm in it."

"There isn't," Suki agreed. But she made sure to give Eve her nicest smile as she passed the milk back across the counter, hoping that it would linger with her.

Suki would never, ever admit it to anyone else, but on those days of dates, she stood by the window like a sentinel guarding precious cargo, waiting for a glimpse of Eve. She'd see her going out, looking effortlessly beautiful. Hair, longer than ever before, casually mussed, tight jeans, a variety of dressy shirts. Each time, her heart ached with the longing it felt to just throw caution to the wind, to go out there and beg her not to meet with her mystery woman of the week.

She'd wait until she returned. Never later than half-past ten, always alone. And that had to be a good sign, surely? That she wasn't bringing her dates back to the Slater house? Suki knew that it wasn't out of respect for the Slaters that she would keep extra-curricular activities out of the house—Vinny hadn't been able to wait to tell her that he'd seen a woman leaving that day he and Nish had gone round there to sack her. And surely she would be home later than ten thirty if she was sleeping with her dates elsewhere?

Telling herself that was the only way she could sleep at night, the only way to keep the jealousy at a low simmer and not a destructive conflagration that would destroy all of her hard work.

"She's still in love with you."

She repeated Stacey's words like a mantra.

She tried not to seem as if she was fishing for too much information when their paths crossed. She'd ask how the date had gone, express condolences when Eve admitted that she hadn't felt the right spark, promised her that any woman would be mad not to want her, that one day very soon, she was sure she would find the kind of person she needed.

And, bit by bit, the walls had crumbled. Eve's smile returned, open and heartfelt. Her eyes sparkled with mirth whenever Suki dared to tease her. There was no denying the sexual chemistry that still sizzled, in lingering glances and mostly-accidental touches.

Suki braved the breach by asking if she wanted to grab a coffee sometime.

Eve raised an eyebrow.

"Strictly as friends," she was quick to add. "If you feel like that's something you could navigate, I want to be your friend. Because…because you are my best friend, Eve. My only friend, I sometimes think. I don't want things to feel awkward for you, and I understand things can't go back to the way they were before. But I would treasure your friendship as dearly as I ever treasured anything else between us. I want you to see that I bear you no ill-will, that I only want to see you happy with someone who can give you all I never could."

"I'd like that," Eve said at last. "I do miss your company."

Which wasn't an admission of feelings, but it was more than she had ever allowed herself before.

Coffee breaks turned into lunch dates. Lunch dates morphed into evenings in the Vic, and dates with other women petered out entirely. Eve was careful to include Stacey in those nights as a buffer, but Suki didn't mind, even with all of the huffing and obstinate, combative asides.

Things never felt awkward. Only ever right.

And, one evening as they turned to leave, Suki had been run through with that certainty like an electric shock, as Eve, without any conscious thought, reached across to help her pull her hair free from the collar of her coat, her hand unconsciously lingering at the back of her neck, the touch sending goosebumps erupting over every inch of her flesh.

Their eyes had locked. Lingered. The rising heat in Eve's gaze had washed over her, setting every nerve ending alight. She heard the subtle change in the cadence of her breathing, deeper, heavier. She could smell the musk of that familiar perfume, mesmerised by the way Eve's tongue darted out to wet her lower lip.

She'd forced herself to step away, determined not to push too hard too soon. Squeezed her hand, her skin sparking with that old familiarity, murmuring that she would see her the following morning, ignoring Stacey's furious glare.

She'd gone home that night and slipped her hand between her legs, allowing herself the pleasure of replaying that look of unmasked want. It was the first time she had touched herself since the end of the ordeal at Nish's hands. She wanted no one but Eve.

And Eve was still in love with her.

It was only a matter of time before they found each other again.

---

It had come to a head last night. After a round of drinks in the Vic, conscious under Stacey's disapproving scrutiny. When she departed for the night, she'd tried to encourage Eve to leave with her.

But Eve's gaze had caught Suki's. Lingered. And she'd said that she'd stay for one more drink.

Suki had almost thought that Stacey would stubbornly stay. But she had the kids to get back to. With an air of great reluctance, she'd left them to it.

One drink had turned into two. And when they had grabbed their jackets to leave, there had been a warmth in Eve's eyes that had set Suki's heart racing.

Them coming back to each other felt as natural and inevitable as the tide.

Eve had kissed her first, in the hidden alcove, shrouded by darkness. And from it came the explosion of every pent-up desire that had been held back by the weakening dams.

This time, Suki had been the one checking in. Making sure that it really was what Eve wanted, that it wasn't just an impulsive, alcohol-infused decision that she would regret in the morning.

Eve's conviction had been unfaltering: "I want this. I want you. You're all I will ever want again."

The first time had been frantic, desperate, uncontainable, led on instinct, a white-hot burst of passion that was over too soon.

Suki had ensured that Eve knew exactly how much she meant to her the second time.

By the third…well.

---

They'd hardly slept. But Suki can't remember ever feeling more revitalised.

She stands in the kitchen now, watching steam spew from the kettle's spout as she waits for it to finish boiling. She'd left Eve starfished in bed, but movement above her head lets her know that her lover will join her soon.

Sure enough, Eve appears in the doorway, tucking wayward strands of her hair behind her ear. When she speaks, her voice is pleasantly raspy. It sends shivers down Suki's spine.

"Well, it's official. Stacey is going to kill me."

"After she's killed me, presumably. I'll be waiting for her to come barrelling into the shop to give me what for."

Eve sighs. "The atmosphere on the van is going to be no fun today."

"You don't have to tell her if you don't want. Maybe you can sneak back in before she's even noticed."

"Trust me, she'll have been waiting for me to come home. She'll know I didn't. And she'll know exactly where I did end up."

There's something about Eve's tone of voice. Wistful. A little sad.

"Are you having second thoughts? About last night?" Suki's throat closes around the words. It's giving her a whole new appreciation of how Eve must have felt during that period of time where she was constantly blowing hot and cold. If Eve regrets it…

But after a moment's hesitation, Eve shakes her head. "No. I love you, Suki. I think I was always destined to love you, no matter how hard I tried to move on."

Suki moves forward to take her hands. "And you don't need to be afraid of me breaking your heart again. I won't, I swear to you. There's no going back. Only moving forward."

Eve smiles. Suki's not sure how much she really believes her, but it's up to her to make Eve believe, the same way that Eve spent all those months instilling belief in her that she could one day do this.

That process begins today.

They sit together at the kitchen table, sipping strong coffee and eating toast, keeping to lighter topics. Suki can still feel the tension in the air, thick and heady.

When Eve has drained the rest of her mug, she checks her watch. "Right, I'd better go and face the music."

"I'll text you later, okay?" says Suki, standing too.

Eve nods, coming around the table to give her a brief kiss. Suki holds her a beat longer before letting her slip free. Her lover makes her way to the back door.

And Suki has her first chance to prove that she means it when she says things will be different this time.

"Not that way," she says.

Eve pauses with a hand on the knob. "What?"

"Use the front door."

"It's late enough that people might be about. Someone could see me."

The fear hasn't fully dissipated yet. But Suki isn't stupid. She knows she could be fighting against that for months to come. Maybe years. The only sure way of conquering that fear is facing it head on and lessening its power over her step by step.

This is the first step.

"I'm not ashamed of you, Eve. You're not a dirty secret. I love you. I want people to know that we're together. If someone sees you leave…so be it. I don't want you to stalk about in the shadows thinking that it's no different to the way it was before. Because that's far from the truth. This time everything is going to be different."

For a long moment, Eve stares at her. Her eyes are glossy with tears. When she blinks, they spill. Suki reaches up to brush them away with her thumbs.

"Are you sure?" Eve whispers.

"Unwaveringly. Come on, let me see you out."

Eve follows along behind her as she leads the way down the hallway. Before she opens the front door, Suki turns to her lover one more time.

"I love you," she murmurs, and draws her in for one last, long kiss, right there next to the front door.

It's with great reluctance that Eve pulls away and slips outside. Suki stands by the front door, shameless in a hastily pulled on dressing gown and hair in disarray, and gives her lover a reassuring nod as she glances back at her one last time. She watches Eve cross the square back to the Slaters', and only then closes the door.

Oh, yes, life is good.

---

Suki can't stop smiling. Every customer that enters the shop is greeted with a beaming grin, a genuine pleasantry. She gets lots of confused looks, and that only makes her smile wider.

"I'm in love," she wants to say in answer to those questioning glances. "For the first time in my life I'm following my heart. And I'm in love with Eve Unwin."

All day she's filled with a restless energy. It takes all her self-restraint not to keep rushing to the doorway to gaze out at Eve on the bap van.

But there's something else she can do.

She pulls out her phone.

How's the atmosphere?

Eve's reply is almost instantaneous; the speed of it makes Suki smile all over again.

Let's just say I'm glad it's the summer months, because there's a real chill here.

What has she said?

Not a whole lot, to be honest. I think she's resigned herself to it. She knows I never got over you. She's made it very clear that she doesn't think I'm doing the right thing, but I told her I love you.

Seeing those words there, in black and white, makes her heart swell. It's not as if Eve hadn't told her she loved her still last night, but there's something so deeply reassuring about seeing those convictions written. It's real and tangible, and now she never has to delete the evidence again.

I'm surprised Stacey hasn't been in yet to pick a fight with me. Or to warn me off.

Now that is something I would pay to see. My wife and my girlfriend scrapping over me. It would literally be a dream come true, watching two beautiful women going at it.

And here was me thinking that I was the only one you wanted.

Hey, if the offer's good enough.

I'm not very good at sharing. I want you all to myself. X

You'll hear no complaints from me. X

They shoot a few more flirtatious messages back and forth, before Suki screws up the courage to compose what she wants to send.

The next step forward.

Dinner tonight? My treat. X

You know I can't resist the chance to taste your home cooking. X

No, I don't mean that I'm cooking tonight. I want to take you out. X

The longest pause comes before Eve's next text. Suki chews on her lip, watching those three dots stutter and fade, stutter and fade. Maybe she's pushing too hard. Maybe Eve needs more time to come to terms with things after the tumultuous past two years.

At last her phone pings:

Are you sure?

She replies with no hesitation.

Yes, I'm more sure than I have ever been.

A gif of a pulsing love heart. Suki's own heart expands in her chest. She types:

Get dressed up. It's a proper date. X

Can you at least give me a clue where we're going? Just so I'm not panicking that I'm going to be woefully underdressed? You know my idea of dressing up is ditching the Converse.

Suki taps her nail against the side of her phone a moment.

Okay, this isn't going to sound very romantic, but hear me out.

I'm all ears.

I thought we could go to Walford East.

Wow, you weren't kidding, were you!?

I said hear me out!

I do want to take you out somewhere really nice, and I'll do that next time. And maybe it sounds stupid and cheesy, but I really wanted us to go out in public together where people know us, not me just whisking you away into the anonymity of London. And let's face it, there's not much competition for food round here, is there?

Another pause before Eve's next message arrives.

I was only joking. But that's…wow. Suki, that genuinely means so much to me. But are you sure? Do you really want to? Honestly, I'm fine with whatever. I really, really am.

Suki takes a breath to steady herself. There's no pressure on her. If she wanted, she could treat it the same as any of the evenings they've spent together in the Vic.

She doesn't want that. She wants Eve to know how serious she is about them.

Believe me, I want to. I love you. X

Eve's response comes quickly once more.

I love you too. X

At that moment, the shop door opens, and Suki hastily stuffs her phone back into her pocket. Even the sight of Karen's thunderous face can't dampen her spirits now. The other woman gives her a suspicious glance as she fills her arms with supplies.

"What's happened to you?" she says as she dumps everything on the counter. "Your face don't look like a slapped arse this morning. Packet of the usual fags, an' all."

"Coming up," Suki says sweetly. She turns to retrieve the packet from the cabinet behind her.

"Seriously, have you been replaced by an alien who don't really know how you should act? Where's the sneer and the judgement?"

"It's too nice a day for that."

Karen casts a scathing look at the grey sky overhead.

Suki busies herself with scanning the items, then hits the total. "Special ten percent discount, just for today."

Karen's eyes almost bug out of her head. "What did you just say?"

"Ten percent discount," she repeats slowly. "Today only."

"This ain't real. I must still be dreaming."

"I can always cancel it off…"

She's never seen Karen move so fast. She practically flings the money at her, and begins sweeping her goods into carrier bags as if she fears an elaborate, late April Fool's joke.

"This ain't real," Karen reiterates when she's finished. "Something's happened to you."

Smirking, drops the money into the till. "Oh, it has."

Casting her one last bewildered look, Karen leaves the shop. Suki leans against the counter once more, mind straying back to hours before, Eve's body undulating desperately against her own, fingernails burning deliciously against her scalp, voice low and desperate.

Tonight can't come soon enough.

---

But, at last, it does.

Suki closes a full hour earlier than usual. It will get tongues wagging, but she needs as much time as possible to ensure that everything is perfect.

She spends longer than usual in the shower, closing her eyes under the warm spray, running her fingers through her hair, reliving the memories of Eve's hands all over her body. Realising that that's taking her into dangerous territory, she tries to avert her thoughts to other things, but there is only Eve. Eve's smile, Eve's laugh, Eve's touch, Eve's moans.

It will be difficult to even leave the house.

But they will. Because it's for Eve.

With renewed determination, Suki steps out of the shower. She towels herself dry, tames her hair, slips into her dress.

As she's applying her makeup, the phone pings.

Where are we meeting? X

You can wait for me outside the Slaters'. I'll text you when I'm setting off. X

Okay. Can't wait. X

Sap. X

Don't pretend you're not just as impatient. X

Suki smiles. Oh, if only Eve knew the true extent.

Right, stop texting me. I'll never be ready otherwise.

You and Stace are peas in a pod.

Don't say that to her. She might have a heart attack if she thinks we have something in common.

You already do. Loving this washed-up solicitor.

Suki feels her heart contract at those words. Yes, it's love. The most intense, intoxicating, invigorating love she has ever known in her life. And she senses the insecurity beneath Eve's joke, the need to be reassured, because it's going to take her some time to truly believe those words again.

She will reassure her as often as she has to.

More than you could ever know. X

But I mean it now. Let me finish getting ready or I'll have to cancel this date.

Definitely don't want that. I've even washed the bacon fat out of my hair. X

And Suki laughs. Laughs as the warmth spreads through her, infusing her blood like brandy, the world taking on a rosy tinge.

Yes, she doesn't think Eve will ever comprehend just how much she loves her. But she'll spend the rest of her life trying to show her.

---

There's some anxiety when it's time to leave the house, she can't deny that. But fear will never win again.

She texts Eve to say she'll be there in five minutes, grabs her handbag, and steps outside.

The square feels deafening, too large for her to comprehend. But she puts one foot in front of the other, keeps her head high, thinks of Eve, and it becomes easier to breathe.

She stops by the flower stall and purchases a bunch. Nothing too extravagant, just a small gesture. Flowers probably aren't Eve's thing, really, but it's romantic, isn't it? She's sure Eve will appreciate the gesture.

"You're looking absolutely smashing, darling!" Alfie calls from where he is conversing with Martin by the fruit and vegetable stall. "You must be going somewhere nice!"

There's the momentary anxiety of being seen, all dressed up to impress. But Alfie is genuine, friendly, so she smiles at him.

"Just to Walford East tonight," she says.

"Well, I hope you have a lovely evening! Your fella's incredibly lucky—if you're meeting a fella, that is! I don't want to presume it's a date or anything like that, I just meant that you deserve a bit of happiness—not that I'm saying you need a man to be happy!"

"Mate, shut up," Martin advises.

Suki only smiles warmly. "Thank you, Alfie. Have a good evening."

She leaves the two men there, making a beeline for the Slater home. With every step she takes, the desire to run back to the safety of her own four walls rises. She's drawing so many looks from the other residents. A sea of whispers ebbs at her back. Can she really do this?

But then she sees Eve, waiting outside as promised. And, somehow, some of the panic is expelled.

Yes, she can do this.

Eve turns as she approaches, and Suki feels the breath catch in her throat.

Gorgeous might not be the first word that she associates with Eve, but now, in love's mellifluous hold, beautiful is definitely one. Perhaps not conventionally so, with her so-called butch energy, but that strong jaw, softened slightly by the hair that's grown out a little, those incredible eyes, the cheeky smile...

Impossibly hot? Yeah. Sexy as? Definitely. She remembers Eve saying those words long ago, well before their very first kiss, charming and coquettish in a way that Suki hadn't dared examine at the time.

It had been a flirtatious joke, but damned if it wasn't the truth. Because Eve Unwin is both of those things too.

Finally, she reaches her lover's side. Eve seems just as enthralled by her, her eyes raking over her.

"Wow," she breathes. "Suki, you look incredible."

"You don't look half-bad yourself."

Eve has certainly taken her request to heart: she looks amazing in form-fitting black jeans and a silk, sheer shirt which is unbuttoned from throat to cleavage. She's going to have a hard time concentrating through dinner.

"Oh, here," she says, shaking herself out of her stupor and holding out the flowers. "For you. I don't actually know if you're the flowers type, but I just thought…" She trails off, shrugs.

"They're beautiful," Eve exclaims, reaching out to take them. "I'll put them in my bedroom window. That way I'll be reminded of tonight." She pauses. Her tone is teasing, but her smile is soft. Touched. "You're taking this wining and dining thing very seriously, aren't you?"

"Very," she confirms. "It's our first date in the place where we live."

"No, it's not. July, two years ago. Sharing beer and greasy food and stories about our pasts."

Suki grins. "You consider that our first Walford date?"

"Absolutely. You pinned me up against the fridge and kissed me senseless, that's definitely date behaviour. Besides, if we don't count it, that means I can't come home with you tonight. I never put out on the first date."

"You were literally in my bed this morning."

"Last night didn't count as a date, though."

"Are you trying to rationalise your summer of one-night stands?"

Eve blushes, clearly floundering for something to say, perhaps afraid that Suki is hurt, and Suki reaches out to give her arm a squeeze.

"I'm joking. And we definitely made full use of that hotel room on our first trip to Leeds, when I finally realised I couldn't keep pretending I didn't want to be with you."

"That was different, that was before. This is a new start. So it means starting over."

"By that logic, this is a fresh first date, then," Suki teases.

Eve blinks at her, flummoxed, clearly trying to justify it in her own head. Eventually she rolls her eyes and grumbles, "I hate that you're always right."

"You're going to have to get used to it."

"I suppose it's a compromise I'll have to make if it means I can be with you."

"Glad to hear it."

"Let me just run these inside and we can go."

"Give them to Stacey," says Suki, nodding over her lover's shoulder. The younger woman practically has her nose glued to the window as she spies on them. She definitely doesn't have a career in espionage ahead of her.

Eve rolls her eyes, shaking her head at her wife, who only raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "Honestly, she's a nightmare."

"She's just looking out for you. I can understand that, after everything I put you through."

"Yeah, I don't know what I would have done without her," she admits. "She's been my rock. But I don't need her to guard me like my very own Soteria."

Will that sense of guilt ever dissipate? Suki doesn't regret what she did—at least not the basis of it, for she knows breaking Eve's heart ultimately kept her safe from Nish. But it had been painful to watch her spiralling from a distance, even more painful to know that in her attempts to honour Suki's decision to stand by her family, she was having a string of casual flings. Knowing that she was sharing things with other women that she had once shared with her had been enough to send her into an emotional tailspin too.

But it's over. The past. They can only look forward to the future. Their future.

She tries to push it aside. "Greek mythology? I am impressed."

"That's why I learned it, babe. I know how much of a bookworm you are. Just wait until you hear how much I've read about Callisto and Artemis. Now, don't move. I won't be a sec."

Eve bounds through the front door, calling for Stacey. They reappear together moments later, Stacey clutching the flowers and looking unimpressed.

"Me and you are gonna have a chat tomorrow," she calls to Suki. "And I swear to God, if you break her heart again…"

"All right, the sexy catfight can wait until tomorrow," Eve says cheerfully, slapping her wife affectionately on the shoulder. "Don't wait up for me."

"As if I thought you'd be coming home tonight." Stacey rolls her eyes. "Go and enjoy yourself."

She doesn't move from her vantage point on the front step, looks as if she's going to nosey at them until they're out of sight. Eve gives her a cheeky wave, and they finally begin to walk along the outskirts of the square.

"Can I just reiterate how beautiful you look?" says Eve. "You're a total knockout. Though I do think you're being slightly unfair."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, expecting me to concentrate and be decorous through dinner. My eyes are gonna have a hard time staying on your face. Not that I would struggle with that, either, considering you're the most gorgeous woman in the whole world, but you're certainly proving to be a temptation when you look like that." She makes a vague gesture at her own front, and Suki grins. The dress she'd chosen is plunging at the front, flattering to her figure. She'd known that it would drive Eve wild. Coupled with her hair free and loose, in a way that Eve has only ever seen in their snatched moments of domesticity, and it's a wonder she hasn't yet suggested skipping dinner and moving straight to dessert in bed.

With Eve herself dressed like that, Suki might have suggested it herself if it wasn't so important to see this through to the end.

There's plenty of time for that later.

Walford East is visible in the distance. Suki brings them to a stop before they enter the stretch of road that leads to the restaurant.

Eve frowns, instantly concerned. "What's wrong? You okay?"

Suki swallows hard. She can feel her heartbeat thundering in her ears. The first part was hard. This is even more difficult.

Not just a step forward. A giant leap.

Hesitantly, she reaches for Eve's hand.

Slips her fingers through her lover's.

Holds it.

In public.

At the action, Eve startles, dropping her gaze between them.

"Suki, what are you doing?" she murmurs. There's a mix of apprehension and disbelief in her tone.

Suki takes a deep breath. "I'm holding hands with the woman I love."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Eve presses. Even now, after all the heartbreak and rejection, she still wants to put Suki's comfort first.

It's what strengthens her resolve.

"I am," she says.

"But there's no pressure on you, Suki. If you're not ready, I don't want it."

"I know. And I love you for it. But it has to be different for us this time around. I can't force you back into hiding. It's not fair on you. It's not fair on me. I've hidden who I really am my entire life. I'm going to be terrified of this moment whether I do it today, tomorrow, or in two years' time. And if there's one thing I've learned since…since last June, it's that I never want to know what it's like to live my life without you again. We can't start living our life until we do this. And we've wasted so much time. I don't want to waste any more."

Eve's expression softens. "'Our life'. It almost feels like I'm dreaming to hear you say that."

"I want it to be our reality now, always. So, are you ready?"

"As long as you are."

"Then let's go and enjoy our date."

And with that, they step forward.

At first, people don't seem to notice. They make it as far as Kat's Cabs before anyone acknowledges them. That's where they see Jean, Harvey, and Mitch all gathered together outside, the two men holding cups of coffee from Kathy's.

More disquiet wells up inside Suki as she clocks Jean. Somehow, up until now, it's been easy to forget that the other woman is no fan. But now she must face the reality that Jean is probably going to be even more unhappy about this than Stacey is.

Evidently sensing her unease, Eve squeezes her hand tighter. She draws comfort from that, even as her stomach lurches.

And, for a split-second, it appears they might avoid the scrutiny there, too. But then Mitch takes note of them, and raises his cup in greeting.

"Evening, ladies!" he says cheerfully. "And don't you two look gorgeous!"

Jean turns to see who he's hailing. A crease appears between her eyes as she takes stock of them together. Not necessarily an unusual thing these days, given that they've been spending time together quite openly in the Vic with Stacey, but certainly never in any capacity where getting so dressed up would be warranted.

And then her gaze lands on their joint hands. Eve squeezes tighter. Suki's stomach lurches.

"Eve," says Jean, "what on earth is going on?"

"We're going out for dinner," she answers. "Walford East, actually."

"No, I don't mean that. I mean that." Jean nods between them, stricken.

Eve juts her chin. "What?"

Jean flaps her hands. "I—you're—" She shakes her head, tries again, but no words come out.

Eve supplies them for her. "Yes, that's right. I'm holding hands with Suki. Harvey, close your mouth before something flies in."

Mitch chuckles, slapping the other man on the back. Jean is far from amused, however. She's resorted to clutching at her hair.

"I don't understand!" she cries.

"I know this is a shock, Jean," Eve says kindly. "Believe me, no one was more shocked than the two of us."

"It doesn't make any sense!" Jean's gaze fixes Suki in place. "You're married! You have kids! And now, what? Suddenly you want Eve?"

Faced with the barrage of unfriendly accusations, Suki finds herself tongue-tied, and hates herself for it. She wants to set the record straight, to at least demand that her past history with Nish not be weaponised against her very real feelings for Eve in the present.

Eve steps in, deft and fierce. "There's no 'suddenly' about any of this. This has been building for more than two years. We've been on-and-off for almost as long. It's not exactly been easy for Suki, but neither of us has ever doubted the way we feel about each other. This is us standing here wanting to be together properly now that there are no more obstacles."

That's an oversimplification of the whole thing to say the least, but it serves its purpose for now. Suki has no intention of retelling the whole length of their relationship right here on the street. It deserves proper time and respect.

"What on earth is Stacey going to say!?" demands Jean.

"Stacey's had plenty to say, believe me."

Jean blinks. "Stacey knows!? Since when!?"

"Almost from the beginning."

"You've both kept this from me!?" Now there's real hurt in her voice.

"I'm sorry. I asked her to. She's my best mate, so she kept silent. It wouldn't have been safe for everyone to know. Or fair on Suki. She deserves to be able to do this on her own terms."

She'd already been unceremoniously outed to two of her sons. The idea of having that ripped from her again is unbearable. No, whatever happens from here, it will be on her terms, and no one else's.

"But—but—" Jean's clearly trying to comprehend something that seems too big for this world. At last, she bursts out, "but her, of all people, Eve!"

Eve bristles at that, and shame curdles in Suki's stomach. Of course, she'd known this would happen. It will be the talk of the square, fuelled further by the fact that she hasn't endeared herself to most of her neighbours. They will have a field day with this. Some of that will be unpleasant to bear. They'll clamour round like vultures on a carcass, desperate to pick over the bones of her insecurities. And she doesn't want that. She doesn't want to be made to feel small, doesn't want Eve to think that she is embarrassed of the way she feels. A part of her wonders if it's too late to flee back to the safety of number forty-one. If she can delay the inevitable for another few days. If she can somehow convince Jean, Harvey, and Mitch to keep this contained.

She glances at Eve's profile, jaw sharp and determined, eyes fierce and protective, ready to do whatever it takes to defend her honour against those who might sneer.

She must beat whatever comes her way. She has to. She can't hide who she is anymore. She'll suffocate otherwise.

And this time she has Eve by her side to support her every step of the way. They have been each other's ports in the raging storms that have threatened to drown them, and this time they can face adversity as a united front.

"She has a name," Eve snaps now.

"Eve," Suki warns gently, running her thumb over her lover's knuckles. She knows that Eve has always acted on impulse, not thinking through the consequences of her actions. It's endearing, exhilarating, and exhausting all in equal measures, but she doesn't want her to say something now that she'll regret when tempers have cooled. Jean and Eve have forged a close bond over the last three years, that's plain to see, and she doesn't want to see that damaged when she's working to build better relations herself.

Harvey steps in too, for which she is grateful. "Yeah, why don't we go home, Jean, love, have a proper natter with your Stace?" He looks to Eve for permission. She nods.

"But don't go getting mad at her if she doesn't answer your questions," she says. "She's loyal. I love her for it. I promise, Jean, you and I will sit down together tomorrow and I'll tell you everything. You deserve that, I know. And I hope you know how much I love you. You gave me a chance when you didn't have to, and you've made me feel like a proper part of the family. A proper Slater. You guys are the family I wish I had been lucky enough to have as a kid."

There's a lump in Suki's throat. How all that trauma, undealt with for so long, manifested itself in binge-drinking and rash, impulsive outbursts. The Slaters have been good for her. Suki knows how much it means to Eve to have their approval on her choice of partner. Isn't that what everyone wants in the end from their family?

"Look, let's leave it here for now, yeah?" Eve says now. "I don't need anyone's permission to do this, but I would quite like to have your blessings."

"But—"

"Jean, please. If you haven't got anything nice to say, please don't say it."

Jean closes her mouth. Eve closes her eyes. Suki squeezes her hand again, as much for her own comfort. She can feel her heartbeat drumming in her chest, like it had for all those months when she had barely been surviving. She'd always known there would be obstacles. People who weren't happy, who sneered behind her back and to her face. It was one of the ways that the fear had kept her shackled—it was so much safer to keep herself under wraps, her true self spared from such cruel scrutiny.

She'd known that there would be pushbacks from Eve's family. She's had enough experience of that already from Stacey. But Stacey has also kept their secret fiercely, and has always supported Eve's decisions even if she thought they were the wrong ones.

And there's a difference between knowing it theoretically and experiencing it first-hand.

The nasty little voice is there again in the back of her mind: can she really do this?

But then Mitch's voice breaks through the fugue. Instinctively, she turns to look at him. He's smiling widely, his eyes crinkled.

"Well, I've got something nice to say," he says. "I'm so, so pleased for both of you. I really, really am." His eyes meet Suki's. "You deserve this happiness, Sukes. And I can see how happy you both are just by looking at you."

"Thank you," she says softly.

"C'mere, baby," he says, opening his arms; Eve slips her hand free so Suki can step into his embrace. Its full-bodied and warm, exactly how he is. He whispers in her ear, "I'm so proud of you. And if there's anyone out there who gives you any grief at all, you send them my way. I'll sort them out for you. Maybe you and I can have a catch-up tomorrow over a cup of tea. I'd quite like to hear the full story of how the two of you got together."

Suki smiles against him. "I'd like that."

He gives her one last squeeze before letting her go, giving them both a cheeky wink. "Walford's hottest couple, ladies and gents."

"No contest!" says Eve. "But for that astute bit of observation, you can have free breakfasts from the van all week."

"Now that's what I'm talking about, baby! But in all seriousness, it's amazing to see you both following your hearts. Now go out there and have a lovely evening."

Suki nods at him, the iron band around her chest loosening slightly. She has people onside. She has friends. She can do this.

Jean heaves a sigh. "Well, obviously, I don't want you to have a horrible time. I want you to be happy, Eve."

"This, right now, is the happiest I've ever been in my life, Jean."

"Well, how can I be upset about that?"

Eve sweeps in to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Cheers, Jean. I swear, we'll talk tomorrow. Don't be too hard on Stace."

Jean shakes her head, and with that allows Harvey to guide her away. He gives them a quick thumbs-up. Mitch finishes the rest of his drink and throws the cup in the bin.

"Right, I've got an airport run now," he says. "But seriously, ladies, this is amazing news. Sukes, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," she confirms, filled with so much genuine affection for the other man. A friend, with no expectations. A friend she can have without having the threat of jealousy and violence hanging like a noose above her neck.

Mitch turns back into the cab's offices. Eve is at her shoulder at once.

"Are you okay?" she says. "Is it too much?"

"Stop fussing, Eve."

"I'm sorry about Jean."

"Don't be. It's not your fault. And I know she's never been my biggest fan."

"She'll come around, I know it. You heard her. She wants me to be happy. You make me happy. She'll accept that soon enough. And then you'll be invited around to enjoy whatever vegetarian variation of her sausage surprise she can come up with."

"I look forward to it."

"That's because you haven't tasted it yet."

"She might use it as an opportunity to poison my share."

"Then I'll offer my services as your official taste-tester, like they do for royalty."

"Don't tempt me to take you up on that," she teases. "I might get ideas above my station."

"Don't pretend that you don't already think of yourself as queen of the square."

"Are you sure insulting your date is the way you want to go?"

"My apologies. How about I save it by saying you're already the queen of my heart?"

"That's revoltingly cheesy."

"Says the master of the romantic confession."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

For a moment, Suki considers it. Honest to God, truly considers just throwing caution to the wind and kissing Eve right there, in full view of the world.

It's not something she really has the courage for just yet. But the fact that she considers it? It fills her with the final bit of belief that she will overcome all obstacles. A year ago, she would have refused to even fantasise about it. Seeing it as a reality of the future…That's progress.

"I will, later," she says. "Now, come on, hurry up. We have dinner reservations. We'll be late at this rate."

They begin walking again, Suki reaching out for Eve's hand once more.

"You don't have to prove anything," Eve says. "You've already let people see. If you'd rather walk the rest of the way without holding my hand, I don't care. You've taken the first step. You're showing me you're serious about us. I couldn't ask for more than that."

"I know you'd never force me into something I'm not ready for," she reassures her. "But I want to do this, Eve. I want to walk down the street holding your hand and not care who sees. I've already started. It will only get easier from here. And holding your hand makes me feel safe. Loved. I feel brave with you beside me."

"As long as you're sure. I don't want you to ever feel like you have to do something you don't want to or be someone you aren't because you're afraid of hurting my feelings. I just want you to feel safe and comfortable at all times. After the hell you went through with him, you deserve it."

"I don't think you will ever comprehend just how much I love you," says Suki, keeping her gaze fixed straight ahead; If she looks at Eve now, she knows the tears of gratitude will flow, and she can't show all of her vulnerabilities at once. "I didn't know such loyalty, care, or love could exist until you came along. I couldn't have done any of this without you."

"You could," Eve objects firmly. "Making that decision to walk away from him, to be who you really are, that was something no one could do for you. That was all you. The strongest person I know."

"But it's down to you that I eventually found that strength. If you hadn't come into my life and refused to leave, no matter how awful I was to you, I would still be in denial, forcing myself to survive an abusive marriage one day at a time."

"Well, maybe we can call a truce and agree that we've both been good for each other. Because you're the first person since my sister who didn't walk away when I lashed out and spiralled. Not even Stacey stood by me when I went off the rails in the summer."

As they walk through the congested square, they attract more stares. People elbow each other in the ribs and point. The surprised murmurs become a din. But Suki keeps her head held high. Unflinching. Unashamed. Unafraid.

Kathy, Denise, and Kim are all gathered just outside the café's doorway.

It's Kim who clocks them first, voice carrying like a foghorn as she squawks, "Oh my God! Dee, Kathy! Look!"

The other two women see them. Eve's grip tightens reassuringly. Suki braces herself for more eager gossip.

But it doesn't come. Denise and Kathy only wave at them, both smiling. Approving. There's surprise there, to be sure. But nothing malicious.

"Say something!" Kim pleads of the other two. "Come on, you're seeing what I'm seeing! That's Suki Panesar! Holding hands with a woman! With Stacey's Eve! What the hell is going on!?"

"You do know we're not animals in a zoo, right?" Eve calls. "Like we're not here to be gawked at, and we can understand English? Yeah, I'm holding Suki Panesar's hand. You got something to say about it, I'm all ears."

"I didn't mean—" Kim says, flustered.

Denise shushes her. "You know my sister. Engages her mouth before she's used her brain."

"Hey!"

Denise ignores her, eyes meeting Suki's. "You off anywhere nice?"

"Just to Walford East."

"Lovely! Well, enjoy yourselves, the pair of you," says Denise kindly.

"You've definitely upgraded from Nish," says Kathy.

"I think she has too," Eve says cheerfully, which garners laughs. "See you later, ladies."

And, just like that, that's her second outing survived; they leave Kim gawping wordlessly and Denise and Kathy smiling. The world is still the right way up. There's acceptance and kindness.

At last, they reach Walford East. Eve pulls open the door and bows. "After you, milady."

"How chivalrous. Didn't think they taught manners up north."

"Oh, yeah, they do. It's the snooty, superior attitude that they don't teach."

Laughing giddily, they enter the restaurant. Midweek it's fairly deserted, with only one or two couples sequestered away at tables.

But this is Suki's biggest test so far.

Because Ravi is approaching, a broad smile of greeting on his mouth. "Suki! I wasn't expecting to see you tonight!"

"I booked a table earlier," she says. "For two."

Ravi's brow creases slightly as he takes them in, dressed to impress, gaze travelling lower to the hands that are still joined.

Trying to make his brain compute what he's seeing.

"Suki…?" he questions uncertainly.

She keeps her head high, maintaining eye contact, even as a wave of anxious nausea washes over her. This is so different to showing her true self to the rest of the square. This is her family. Vinny knows, of course, but his initial reaction still haunts her, and she can tell that he's still struggling to process the situation even as he said that he loves her and supports her decision, and will keep quiet until she is ready to be herself. She still needs to have that conversation with Ash, and very soon, before the gossip reaches her even over the Atlantic Ocean. That terrifies her, knowing how badly she treated her daughter in the aftermath of her own coming out.

But Ravi and Davinder are her family too now. They might not be blood, but she has grown to love them as such. With both Ranveer and Nish gone, they have no one else, and she doesn't want to drive a wedge between them.

"Ravi, I'm with Eve," she says quietly.

"With-with?" he says, expression unreadable.

"With-with," she confirms, squeezing Eve's hand tighter. Eve returns the gesture, silent, watchful, understanding that she needs to face this alone.

Suki can see the conflict flitting across Ravi's face, the frown as he connects the dots together. Her plea for him to hide her suitcase from his father. His assertion that he had seen fear in her eyes. Eve always on the fringes, concerned, caring.

He's far from perfect. He's done some terrible things in the past, including to her. Letting her believe that she had killed Ranveer, letting Kheerat fall on his sword. But she has done terrible things too. She of all people can understand that in the act of self-preservation, for her children.

And she knows there's a softer side to Ravi beneath the arrogance and the bravado. That, she knows, is not fake. The young boy still so desperate for love and approval. The man who wants to be better than both of the father-figures in his life, for himself as well as his own son.

"Anyone who's capable of that is no dad of mine," he'd said to her in the aftermath of Ranveer's attack, and she knows he'd meant it. He'd been horrified by the idea of a man hurting a woman. It was why he had helped her with no second thought, before either of them had still known that Ranveer was alive. It was why he had not hesitated in hiding her suitcase from Nish, and why he'd only voiced his suspicions to Vinny. Like Vinny, he'd been desperate for his father's approval, but without Vinny's naivety; he'd known exactly what Nish was capable of, and when things had fallen apart in spectacular fashion at the end, he hadn't gone into deep denial like his half-sibling had. It's what she's been counting on, that he still wants her to be a mother figure to him, a grandmother to Davinder, and that he will be able to find it in his heart to accept this.

"Ravi?" she prompts softly. "Say something, please."

He glances around him, leans in closer. "All this time, it was Eve?"

Suki keeps their gazes connected. A flicker now would be seen as embarrassment, shame, from both of the people with her. She's come so far. She can't let Eve down now.

"Always," she whispers.

"So you were cheating on Dad."

She flinches at the slightly accusatory undertone. "If you want to look at it that way. But I never wanted your father back, Ravi. I was forced into a corner. By the time he came home, I was already falling in love with Eve. I was starting to accept that I wanted to be with her. But he did what he always did. He intimidated and manipulated until I had no choice. You know what he's done and what he's capable of. I was scared that he'd hurt Eve. I tried to keep away at first, but in the end I couldn't deny how I feel."

"So it was Eve you were planning to run away with."

Suki nods. "I'm sorry. I never intended to lie to all of you. But this happened, and I couldn't control any of it. I tried to put my family first, but now that Nish is gone for good, I owe it to myself to have the kind of relationship I deserve."

Ravi's eyes soften at that. "I could see you weren't happy with Dad. I do want you to be happy, Suki. You've been more of a family for me and Nugget than anyone else ever has been." He glances at Eve. "Look, I can't pretend that this won't take a bit of time to get my head around. But if you're happy, Suki, and this is what you want, then I'm happy too. You've had to put up with a lot from the men in your family over the last eighteen months. I know I've played a big part in that. You deserve the chance to be free."

"And Davinder?"

I'll speak to him later."

"No. I want to do it. He deserves to hear it from me." It's risky, leaving it until tomorrow, when there's a chance that he might hear it from Denzel first—Kim is hardly going to keep her mouth shut—but explaining herself is going to take more than the time she has to spare tonight, and she wants to do this properly, to give him the space he might need to ask questions, however uncomfortable that might be.

Ravi nods in understanding. "Okay. But I have a feeling that he'll be the most supportive of all. He's the kid, but he was the one educating me when Zack told us about his HIV. He won't care. He loves you." He pauses. "So do I."

Eve squeezes her hand as she gives him a wobbly smile, a weight lifting. "And I love the both of you, too."

"You look after her," Ravi directs to Eve.

"It's all I've ever wanted to do."

He nods, evidently satisfied. "Come on. Let me get you seated."

He leads them to the back of the restaurant, away from prying eyes. They finally drop hands, and Eve moves to get the chair for her. Suki flashes her a grateful smile.

"Let me get some menus for you," says Ravi. "I'll be back in a few to take your order."

When he's gone, Suki releases a deep breath. She feels all of the tension leeching out of her body, leaving her a little emotionally wrung-out, but so, so happy.

"You okay?" Eve murmurs.

"Yeah," she returns. "Better than I've ever been."

Eve beams at her. "I'm so proud of you, you know. What you've done tonight…it's incredible."

"I told you, I wanted to. This is a fresh start for us. The start of our future. I needed you to know how serious I am about it this time. No more running. This is it for me. I want the world to know it. It'll be hard, but as long as I have you, I can handle anything."

"You always have me," says Eve. "I'm not going anywhere. I never really did. I tried to move on because I needed to protect myself, but in truth my heart was always yours. No one else could ever measure up to you."

"I feel the same," Suki reassures her. "You opened my eyes to a whole new world. You made me realise who I really am. I'm still scared of what's to come. I'm terrified of how my community will view me, or what it might do to the businesses. But I've learned the hard way just how empty and hollow my life is without you in it, and I'd give all of that up as long as I can keep you and my family with me."

"Always," Eve vows. "But it won't come to that. You're smart and resourceful and you can overcome anything. And if any bigots out there want to use it against you, then that's on them. You had to build everything up from the ground when Nish was put away the first time. You've got strong foundations now. Nothing can topple you."

At that moment, Ravi returns to the table, and they hastily scan the menu and order. When he's gone, Suki leans back in her seat and smiles. With Eve, it's so easy to lose track of time, to forget that there are other things they should be doing. Conversation just flows with no effort; she's never been more comfortable in her own skin.

Dinner is a wonderful affair. Buoyed by the progress she's made in one evening, warm with the looks of pure adoration on her lover's face, Suki feels invincible. They chat quietly, in their own little bubble, legs brushing beneath the table, fingers brushing atop it. This…this is what it feels like to be on a proper date with the woman she's in love with. And it's exactly like all those romances she sneered at: butterflies in her stomach, anticipation swelling to an almost unbearable level, warmth fizzing through her veins.

They share chocolate fondant for dessert, a salute to that June day that marked the start of this long, rewarding journey, and Suki feels heat surge through her as she watches Eve's tongue dart out to lick the spoon clean. She reaches unsteadily for her wine glass, empties the last dregs in a single mouthful.

"I'll get the bill," she says breathlessly, and Eve smirks at her, seeming to know exactly where her mind has gone. "Wait outside for me, I'll only be a couple of minutes."

They part ways with another lingering look, and Suki makes her way towards the bar. Ravi straightens up when he sees her.

"I'm just here to settle the bill," she says.

"No problem. Let me get it for you."

She perches herself on one of the barstools while she waits, taking in the slightly tight look on his face.

"There's something you want to say," she notes.

Ravi hesitates for a moment. "Look, don't be offended."

"I won't be. You have a right to ask questions."

"How…how did this happen? You're like, what? Bisexual?"

Suki knows she's going to be getting this question from every angle soon enough. It's a daunting prospect. But it's one she can't shy away from. Not with her own family. "No."

"I don't understand."

She glances around her. The restaurant is virtually deserted now, bar one couple right near the door. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "I'm a lesbian, Ravi." It's the first time she's ever said the words aloud. She's been struggling to breathe under the crushing weight of keeping it inside her, so terrified of speaking it into existence, leaving behind the plausible deniability of a lingering curiosity, of a mid-life experimentation.

She is embracing who she truly is. And she's never felt freer.

"But…but you married Dad. You have four kids."

She takes a deep breath, angling her head to look steadily into his dark eyes, needing him to understand. "Things were so different back then. Exploring those kinds of things just wasn't the done thing. I…I've always had feelings for women. I spent thirty years burying it beneath denial and hatred. I was so good at lying that I even managed to convince myself that it was just a ridiculous, momentary blip. But then I met Eve. And I feel like I'm seeing colours for the very first time. I could never, ever regret anything that brought me my children, but this is who I really am. A woman in love with another woman. A woman who has another woman who loves her back."

Ravi nods slowly. "And this thing with Eve…?"

"Was there right from the moment I met her, really. It was a slow build-up. I've had to work through a lot of stuff to get here, but she's been so patient. I'm so lucky."

"And she's as serious about this as you?"

"She wouldn't have waited if she wasn't."

Ravi concedes this with a tilt of his head. "She doesn't like me very much. I can't pretend the feeling isn't mutual."

"That's because you don't know her properly yet. But she's very warm and caring. You need to give each other a chance. She will give you that. She'd never want to come between me and my family, and she knows how much I love you all. Just…will you come over tomorrow? So we can talk properly?"

He thinks about it, then nods. "Okay. And forget about the bill. It's on the house."

"No," Suki insists. "This is our first proper time out in public where people know us. I want to mark that properly for Eve. She's waited a long time."

"If you're sure," says Ravi.

Suki taps her card against the machine, waves away the receipt. Instead, she leans across and squeezes his forearm.

"Thank you," she says. "For understanding."

He manages a smile. "You've always been there for me, even when I didn't deserve it. It's the least I can do for all the hell I've put you through."

"See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, you will. Enjoy the rest of your night."

With that, she turns and leaves. She finds Eve slouching against the wall outside, looking effortlessly attractive with her hands in her pockets.

"You took your time!" she exclaims. "I was starting to think you legged it out of the kitchen."

Suki scoffs, slipping her arm through hers. "Is that how little faith you have in me now? Charming. You know very well I was speaking to Ravi."

"And?"

"And he really does seem okay with it. I'll speak to Davinder tomorrow. So that just leaves Ash."

"That will be okay too."

Suki shakes her head, then tips it back to contemplate the sky. "Once upon a time I thought telling Ash would be the most difficult thing of all. But I don't think anything can be worse than Vinny."

Eve makes a non-committal grunt. Things are still a little tense there, though they both make the effort to be civil with each other for Suki's sake. She hopes one day, when Vinny is more used to this new normal, the two of them can be close once more. Eve's always had a wonderful bond with all three of her children, and Suki would hate to see that tarnished forever.

"I think Ash will be the most supportive of all," Eve says at last. "She might be upset and hurt at first, probably even angry. But she more than anyone will understand the struggles you faced. And she's an amazing woman. She's kind and empathetic, and she loves you despite the ways you've clashed in the past. Just be patient, and she'll get there."

"I hope so," Suki whispers. "I couldn't bear it if I lost her. And after the way I treated her when she came out…"

"That was your shame and internalised homophobia. Doesn't make it right, but it's entrenched in so many people from a young age. It's easier now than it was for us. I tried to hide my feelings at first too. I tamped them down and ignored them. I was terrified of being different. I used to pretend to be interested in looking at pictures of Harrison Ford with Erica, when it was Carrie Fisher I had my eye on." Eve shakes her head. "I never even got the chance to tell Erica who I really was. Even now I wonder how she'd have taken it. I like to think she would have been fine about it. But I'll never know for certain, will I?"

"She would have been. You were the other half of her too."

"It would have been nice to have an ally when I was first facing all that shit on my own." She clears her throat. "But I don't want to be maudlin tonight. This is a celebration."

"You're right," Suki agrees. "Let's leave all of that for tomorrow."

"So what do you want to do now? Drinks in the Vic?"

Suki has visions of them being ogled at from every corner, the whispers coming from every angle. "Can we just go back to mine?"

"Of course!"

"If you'd really like another drink, we can. I just…"

"Suki, you don't have to explain yourself to me," Eve interrupts gently. "I get it. You've just made massive strides in one evening. That's overwhelming for anyone. I don't care what we do as long as we get to spend time together. We can crack open a bottle at yours."

"I was thinking we could do something else," Suki murmurs.

Eve's gazes at her intensely. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Anything particular in mind?"

"You'll see soon enough. Now, why don't you pop home for a change of clothes for the morning so you're not doing the walk of shame? I've got toiletries, a spare toothbrush and the likes, so you don't have to worry about that."

"You're brave to assume I'd escape the house again. Jean might lock me in until I've recounted the last two years to her."

"If you know what's good for you, you'll be at mine in ten minutes."

"I've never really been very good at knowing what's good for me. Hence a three-year prison stretch."

Glancing around to ensure there's no one's close enough to eavesdrop, Suki stretches up to put her mouth against her lover's ear. "I'll be waiting in bed for you. Naked."

She relishes the shudder that ripples through Eve's body, the way her eyes darken, the husky quality of her voice as she turns to breathe in Suki's ear in return. "I'll be five minutes max. But don't get naked. I want to be the one to rip that dress off you."

"Are we negotiating right now?"

"I know how hot that gets you."

Suki wets her lower lip, raking her gaze unashamedly over her lover's body. "You have no idea."

"Oh, I think I do. Five minutes."

"I'll leave the door on the latch."

Eve glances around them too, but Suki is pleased to see that people still aren't paying any attention to them. "Can I kiss your cheek?"

Her heart swells. How lucky she is, to have someone as mindful as Eve, who checks in every step of the way to make sure she's still feeling comfortable. Kissing on the mouth is definitely a step too far on this first evening, but Eve doesn't need to be told that. But a kiss on the cheek…she thinks she can stretch to that.

"You can," she says, and revels in Eve's sunny grin. Eve glances around them one more time to ensure no one is watching, then brushes the most fleeting, delicate butterfly kiss against Suki's cheekbone. Before she can even enjoy the sensation of her lover's lips against her skin, Eve is gone, jogging across the street. Shaking her head in amusement, Suki watches her go, then continues in the direction of her own house.

The five minutes can't go quickly enough.

---

The front door bangs closed within four and a half minutes—not that Suki has been counting. There's the thump of a bag being dropped by the door, then the sound of Eve practically running up the stairs. Suki sits on the edge of the bed, fidgeting with her hands, desperate for Eve to join her.

And then she's there, in the doorway.

"Hey," Eve breathes.

Suki pushes herself to her feet. She's kicked off her heels but made good on her promise not to undress. She holds out her hand, an invitation.

Slowly, Eve crosses the threshold. Suki already feels naked under her scrutinising stare, but unlike with Nish, it doesn't make her feel ashamed. No, she feels empowered. Sexy. Eve wants her.

And she wants Eve.

Eve's left hand slips into hers. Her right comes up to cup her face, thumb tracing over her cheekbone, trailing down to her lower lip. Suki holds her breath as her lover's gaze roves over her, taking in every inch.

"You are so, so beautiful," Eve whispers.

The spell is broken; the emotions run free. Suki grips Eve's chin between thumb and forefinger, and brings her down for a hungry, desperate kiss, the kind she's yearned to bestow on her all evening.

They don't stop kissing as they undress. Blindly, Suki fumbles with the buttons on Eve's silk shirt, desperate to get her hands on the warm, toned flesh hidden from view. At last she has them open, and she runs her hands from Eve's stomach to her shoulders so she can push the garment free. Eve helps to shrug it off, before Suki moves her attention to the clasp on her bra. Unfastening that without looking is more difficult, months out of practise as she is now, but her frustration is kept under control by Eve's tongue sliding against her own, the soft warmth of her hands as she moves them behind to assist. In a matter of moments the bra is loose, and Suki tugs it free from her arms to cast it aside.

Nothing on earth could stop her from taking Eve's breasts in her hands.

She runs her thumbs across her nipples, triumphant in the way they harden beneath her touch, in the low moans that escape Eve's throat and are muffled against her own mouth. She cups the weight of them in her palms, refamiliarising herself with the way they feel there. So perfect. So right.

Eve's hands move to the back of her dress, finding the zip. She pulls it down, loosening the fabric. Suki drops her hands reluctantly from her lover's breasts so that Eve has free reign to push the material from her shoulders. She follows it up with her hands inside her dress, palms following the lines of her body as she pushes it free, down past the swell of her breasts, sliding down her sensitive sides, making her squirm with anticipation, grazing her waist, the curve of her hips, teasing the waistband of her underwear. She wriggles out the rest of it, and it pools by her feet, forgotten.

"Everything about you is so beautiful," Eve murmurs. Her eyes are dark and intense, and she slips her hands down the back of her underwear to squeeze Suki's backside. Suki feels a potent rush of arousal in response, and moves her own fingers to the button on Eve's jeans.

There's no finesse as they work together to divest her of the cumbersome garment. They laugh breathlessly as they struggle to get them off, stumbling blindly towards the bed, distracted by searing kisses.

And then it's all slick, wet heat, grasping fingers, ragged moans.

Suki feels unchained, drunk on the reality that for the first time in her whole life, she is completely free. This isn't even like last night, because last night they were still two of the few people on the square who knew the truth.

But now that number is growing by the minute, as the gossip inevitably sweeps through the square like a wave, and Suki no longer feels afraid. For the first time, she is in control of the narrative. And it makes her feel powerful.

It's a heady aphrodisiac, too. She wants Eve in every way she can have her.

So she does. There is absolutely nothing stopping her now. Not an abusive husband. Not a petulant son. She will never be caged again. She has Eve back, and nothing will ever come between them.

She loses herself in the pleasure, in the melding of body and soul.

Kisses her way down the erotic definition of Eve's sternocleidomastoid.

Runs her tongue over the bud of her nipple, before taking it into her mouth, teasing it between her teeth. Lavishing the opposite with the same attention, puckering her lips around it, enjoying the delicious contrast of her soft breast and the hard point of her nipple, tugging lightly with her teeth and making Eve moan.

Feathers teasing nips over her rib cage as she shifts further down the bed.

Relishes the burning in her scalp when Eve tugs at her hair in response to the way she nuzzles against her inner thighs.

Breathes in the heady musk of her skin as she finally, finally lavishes attention on the place where Eve desperately craves her.

She's so wet for her, and it makes Suki's body throb in response, the aching yearning to be touched too. But there will be time for that later, when she's shown Eve just how loved she is.

She works her with careful diligence. Works her lips and tongue against her clit, slips first one finger, then two inside her, falling into the familiar rhythm. She crooks her fingers, searching for that sweet spot that makes Eve come so hard every single time; she meets absolutely no resistance. Her chin is drenched in Eve's arousal, and it makes her feel so powerful, knowing that she can reduce her to that.

"Oh, God," Eve says above her, garbled, slurred, thighs tightening involuntarily around her ears. Suki moves her spare hand between them, forces her thighs wide, opening her more fully to her ministrations.

Eve's thighs tremble, hips rocking involuntarily up into her face as her fingers tighten in her hair.

"That's it, my darling," she coos, punctuating each word with the press of her fingers. "You're close, aren't you?"

"So close," Eve pants. "Been wound up all day thinking about last night."

"You were so wet for me then, too."

"Christ—Suki—keep talking like that and you'll make me come—"

"You'll be good and wait until I tell you to," Suki purrs. Her own core pulses with sympathy at the way that her lover's jaw tightens, the needful moan that escapes from between clenched teeth. She dips her head again and gets back to work, enjoying the insistent ache in her own groin as she works her lover higher and higher. By the time that Eve is bucking up against her with an almost frenzied desperation, her jaw is aching, and it's a relief to pull back and replace her mouth with her thumb.

"What do you want, Eve?" she says breathlessly.

"You know what—" she groans, losing all coherence as Suki rubs her clit more firmly.

"You could want any number of things," she smirks. "Maybe you want to repeat of last night?"

Eve shudders beneath her, and Suki knows she's back there in her mind, reliving every erotic moment. She leans in to kiss her, bruising, demanding, biting at her lower lip; their teeth clash clumsily as Eve tries to pull her closer.

"Please," she gasps. "Suki, please."

It ignites a fire within her. And suddenly she can't hold back any longer, either. She needs to watch Eve come undone beneath her touch. She needs to know that it's all for her, that no one else will ever know Eve Unwin intimately again.

She rubs Eve's clit three more times, runs her middle finger down her soaking slit.

And then Eve is coming, moans loud and uninhibited, rutting up desperately against her touch, fingernails digging into the back of her neck. She works Eve through the crest of it, until she's trembling and whimpering below her.

At last, her eyes clear enough to look at her with reignited urgency. "Come here."

And Suki can't deny her own pleasure any longer. She can feel the slick mess between her thighs; being like this with Eve always makes her so wet, and she's throbbing to an almost unbearable degree.

Eve's right hand braces itself against her waist, holding her steady as she collapses onto her side next to her, moving in to give her another messy, dizzying kiss.

And then her fingers slide inwards, teasing her hipbone, and Suki can't contain her sharp intake of breath, nor control the way that her thighs naturally part for Eve's touch.

The pleasure explodes the moment that Eve's fingertips nudge against her clit.

"I see I don't even need to warm you up," she purrs, entirely too cocky for someone who mere minutes ago had been begging. Under other circumstances, Suki would have reminded her of that. Right now, she's too wound up to care. Eve is right: she's so desperately aroused, right on the cusp of orgasm just from listening to her lover's sounds of pleasure and the way their bodies had moved against each other, Eve's inadvertent brushes against her core setting her alight.

Urgently, she angles herself against Eve's hand, almost insensate as her fingers rub and probe, always so confident and masterful. The slick sounds of her arousal fill the air between their ragged pants for breath. Suki palms the back of Eve's neck, bringing their foreheads together, and they share hot, erratic breaths as Eve pushes closer.

"Keep your eyes on me," her lover whispers, all staccato and sultry, and Suki can't possibly disobey.

Because it's never just been about ripping each other's clothes off when they're together like this, though of course a deep, kindling passion has fuelled many of their encounters. No, it's so much more than that; the soul-deep intimacy of what they share, the cast-iron certainty that Suki is who she was always meant to be, that with Eve she will always be safe to express herself, to be vulnerable, to be loved. She watches the darkening of her lover's eyes, the way that her gaze shifts between her lips and her own eyes, white teeth piercing her lip, the erotic flick of her tongue. Suki can't stop herself from lurching forward to tug that lip free with her own teeth, kissing her until her lungs burn, entranced with the pleasure that deepens the lines around her mouth. She's not being touched in those erogenous places anymore, but Eve is still deriving great ecstasy from the sensuality of serving. Suki's never had that before, someone who is just as dedicated to making her feel good as they are about what they want for themselves.

"Come for me, love," Eve croons, contrasting her command with a deferent dip of the head, lips finding a nipple. Suki swears, not sure if it comes out in English or Punjabi, fresh currents of pleasure ricocheting through her at the blinding sensation, so intense and all-consuming.

Eve slips her fingers inside, presses her thumb firmly on her clit in tandem, and in a mere matter of moments she's soaring too, burying her moans into Eve's shoulder, leaving behind the imprint of her teeth.

When it's over, Eve's fingers slip free. Idly, she wipes them on the covers—Suki's really going to have to remember to change the sheets tomorrow, after the two nights of urgent passion they've had—before running them down her spine, trying to encourage her closer for a cuddle, but she resists. Every nerve in her body still sparks with desire, and she has every intention of yielding to that. This freedom to be who she really is. The freedom to have Eve in her bed as many times as she can stand it.

She pulls away, moving to bracket Eve's waist between her thighs. Her lover gives her a quizzical look.

"What are you doing?" she murmurs breathlessly.

Suki doesn't answer with words, but with her body instead; she takes hold of Eve's left leg and hoists it over her shoulder. There's no mistaking her intent.

Eve's eyes widen, and she breathes an exhilarated, "Oh." Then laughs, husky and low. "You're going to give my hamstring a hell of a workout, babe. I'm not as young as I used to be."

"Oh, please," Suki scoffs. "As if you're not one of the fittest women on the square. Your legs are ridiculous."

Eve arches an eyebrow, smug. "I tried using exercise to work through my multitude of issues. Didn't really work. But I'll take it if it left Suki Panesar impressed with the results."

"Mmm. Very impressed."

Eve starts to say something else—no doubt something witty and self-congratulatory—but Suki cuts her off before she can, kissing her teasingly.

Aligning their centres.

Bearing down on her.

This time, Eve's neck arches against the pillow, a string of fucks escaping with no filter. It's always so hot, hearing her lover swear like that, in that ridiculously sexy accent, hotter still with the contrary mishmash of elongated vowels and monopthongised dipthongs. She emits a breathless laugh, but it's cut off as—finally—she rolls her hips forward.

It's like being struck by lightning, crackling and concentrated and overwhelming. There's no point even trying to pretend that this isn't getting to her as much as it's getting to Eve.

Because there's nothing more intimate than this. Their wetness intermingling, the slide of the most sacred flesh against each other. Each and every time, Suki feels a kind of holy epiphany, a sense that this was what God made her body for, that there is nothing on earth more right than this. Being here with Eve in the sanctity of her bedroom. Sharing all of herself with her. Eve, as in first woman, as her lover always introduces herself, leaning into the cliché, but somehow it fits; Eve, first woman on earth in western religions, Eve, first woman that Suki can say with certainty that she has really, truly fallen in love with. It doesn't diminish the significance of the other women in her life, who stirred up feelings she had barely had the tools to understand, but instinctively she knows that she would never have made it this far if Eve hadn't swaggered into her life, challenging her right from that very first moment. She'd needed someone calm and patient and steadfast in their sense of identity to hold her hand every step of the way during this long, painful journey of self-discovery.

Eve, with those big, cheesy grins and the silly quips and the biggest heart on the square.

Eve, all she has ever needed.

"I love you," she says now, engulfed by those feelings of affection, heightened by the intimacy and vulnerability they're sharing.

Eve's palm moves to her cheek, encouraging her down for a long, slow kiss. Suki's hair falls down around them. She huffs, trying to push it back, but it doesn't cooperate.

"Benefits of short hair," Eve laughs, tugging playfully on the end of one thick curl as it smacks her in the face.

"You're one to talk. You have that one strand of hair that just won't stay put no matter what you're trying to do." Affectionately, she reaches out and tucks said rogue strand back behind her lover's right ear. Eve pouts. She kisses it away, smiling against her mouth.

The smile soon slips away as she rocks her hips against her lover's. It's all delicious, wet slipperiness, pleasure sparking through every nerve ending as their clits slide against each other, and then their nipples, and Eve's moans are getting louder, her fingers biting deeper into the small of her back as she tries to control the pace. Suki shifts the angle just slightly, moaning herself at the tantalising ecstasy as she rubs and rubs and rubs her centre against Eve's, chasing the orgasm that itches just beneath her skin.

"Suki, please don't stop," Eve whines. The gyration of her own hips is erratic now, finesse gone, lost to chasing the pleasure instead.

"I'm not," she manages, eyelids fluttering helplessly as she feels that hot, taut ball right there in the pit of her stomach, threatening to burst at any moment.

Eve's hand is strong and insistent on the small of her back, hips arching up, opening herself more, and their lips meet one more time, and then all Suki knows is white light, the thunder of blood in her ears, electric pleasure sparking through every single pore. Dimly, she's aware of Eve's right hand slipping between them, rubbing against both of their soaking folds, and she can't stop herself from crying out, loud, unashamed. She leans down to kiss Eve one more time, sloppy, urgent, filled with all of the love she feels for this woman who turned her world upside down and made her feel right for the first time in her life.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Eve gasps against her mouth, biting at her lower lip, making it sting pleasantly as her body goes taut beneath her and the surge of wetness indicates that she too has reached her peak.

Suki rolls her hips lazily a few more times, enjoying the latent aftershocks of pleasure and the slightly dazed look on Eve's face. And then, with a groan, she disentangles herself from Eve's supine body, moving to flop on the mattress beside her. Her muscles burn.

"I might regret doing that in the morning," she says. "I'm even older than you."

Eve tilts her head on the pillow. Suki meets her gaze.

And then they're laughing together, loud and unrestrained, and Eve rolls over to snuggle closer, and it's slightly uncomfortable with sticky sweat and other things, and nothing has ever felt so perfect.

Eve combs her fingers through Suki's hair, pushing it back over one shoulder. The look in her eyes is fierce and awed.

"I love you so, so much, do you know that?" she says. "Like to absolutely ridiculous levels. This is the happiest I've been in my entire life."

"Me too," Suki whispers. Apart from those special moments, the births of her children, she had never known that such raw, unadulterated joy could exist. Even all that giddy happiness they'd had before that fateful June day pales in comparison to what she's feeling right now, in this holy moment.

Eve nudges her nose against the tip of her own, shy, affectionate. Suki giggles, reaching out to grab her hand. They'll have to get up at some point to tidy themselves up a bit, but right now all she wants to do is luxuriate in the intimacy of the press of their naked skins.

"This still feels like a dream," says Eve. "That we're really here with each other tonight. That there are others who know."

"I know," she says. "For so long, all of this has felt like a dream. And a part of me was scared that I never would have got here. I know you felt the same way, after everything we've been through. The thought of losing you forever…it almost killed me. I thought I was doing the right thing by us. But you were right. We were the only two hurting. I wanted you to move on, I wanted you to be happy, because in the end it would be the only thing that would have kept me sane, knowing that I'd kept you safe from him, knowing that at least you were free to move on even if I never could. But at the same time, the thought of you finding happiness with someone who wasn't me was destroying me from the inside, because I couldn't bear the idea of being the only one left clinging to the memories we had of each other."

Eve's smile is sad. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"We hurt each other. Me more so, I think. And it was foolish to think that you might take me back with open arms after all that pain. I knew I would have to work for it. But getting you back was the first thought that crossed my mind when I finally got rid of him. I knew I might have to accept that you meant it when you said too much time had passed. But I had to at least try."

"I'm glad you did," Eve says. "I wanted to take you back straight away, you know. When you told me he was gone for good, all I wanted to do was take you into my arms and kiss you and never let you go again. But at the same time, I was afraid to believe it could be real. I'd done that before, and it hadn't got us anywhere. I know it couldn't have been easy watching me trying to move on with other women."

"You didn't take any of them home. That made it easier." Suki knows that she'd slept with countless women during their time apart, and while that had hurt, having them faceless shadows at a time when they hadn't been speaking and she had seen no way for them to ever be together again had at least blunted the knife just a little. If Eve had slept with any of the women Suki had seen her out and about with, when she'd finally been free to be with her…that would have hurt ten times more.

"My head was telling me that the smart thing to do was to keep the line drawn underneath it. That in time I would find some semblance of happiness elsewhere, even if it wasn't exactly what I'd wanted. But my heart…my heart was still yours. Even when I was convinced that we had no chance at a future, I still wanted to be with you more than anything I'd ever wanted before. I was scared to trust that I wouldn't end up broken again if I went back there…but I'm so, so glad I took the risk." Eve shakes her head. "Tonight has been more incredible than I could ever put into words. And I am so, so proud of you for what you've done today."

"And this is the end," Suki whispers. "We've made it. There are no more huge obstacles to overcome. I was scared…but not as scared as I thought I would be. Because this feels so right, Eve. I've spent my whole life forcing myself into being someone I'm not, conditioning myself to believe I could never be 'like that', that I could cut that part of myself out. But I can't. Because it is who I am. I am attracted to women. I'm…" She pauses, thinks of what she'd said to Ravi, tests the word again. "I'm a lesbian."

That final piece falling into place, that final admission to the world. Even at the beginning of the year she would have recoiled from the idea of ever uttering such a sentence. Acknowledging it would have made it impossible tonight to deny the truth any longer.

She will never deny it again.

Eve pulls her closer, feathering kisses to her temple; Suki can feel her smile against her skin. When she speaks, her voice shakes with pride. "Whether you choose to label yourself or not, it doesn't matter. You don't owe anyone an explanation of how you live your life. All that matters is that you live it authentically, that you grab it by the balls and enjoy every single moment of it."

"Only you could turn a soul-baring moment into something dirty."

"Oh, please. Your mind is absolutely filthy. Like I'm in my late forties and I'm having more sex now than I've ever had before."

"The same is true for me. I could never understand people's obsession with it. When Nish went down the first time, I didn't even give sex a second thought for years. I did things I'm not proud of when I came here. And then I met you." She meets Eve's eyes. "And eventually the floodgates opened. When you and I slept together that first time, it was like a light came on. Suddenly it all made sense. I understood why people had sex for the sheer enjoyment of it, what people meant when they said they had mind-blowing orgasms."

Eve smirks at her. "You're welcome."

"Hey, I'm trying to be serious here."

"Sorry. Continue, please."

Suki closes her eyes, trying to find the words to explain how she feels. "It's not just about the sex, though. It's not even about it being with another woman. I mean, I suppose it sort of is. Because whenever I slept with a man, it was just something I did. But that first time with you…everything fell into place. Because you had a woman's body, and deep down that was what I had always been attracted to, even when I was too young to understand it. But at the same time, it wasn't just that. It was because it was you."

"Go on," Eve prompts gently, lifting her chin with her finger. Suki opens her eyes to look at her, sorting her thoughts before she continues.

Reaching out for Eve's fingers so that she has something to occupy her while she bares her soul. "Like if…If I had met a woman I was attracted to, and I could have gone to a hotel with her, and it was guaranteed that no one would ever find out about it…I still couldn't have done it. Not just because I was in denial about who I really am, because even when I was vehemently convincing myself that I couldn't be anything other than attracted to men, I still had warm, intimate feelings for women, so maybe I could have rationalised them off as a stupid curiosity, a moment of madness, something like that. I couldn't even have fallen into bed with you at the start, even though I realise now that I was attracted to you as much as I couldn't stand you. I'd thought about it before, thought about you before. But that moment before Mumbai, that was the first time it really felt right. Like it was something I needed to do." She huffs, rolling her eyes, a little frustrated at her lack of clarity. "Do I even make any sense?"

"Of course you do," says Eve. "What did I say to you the day after our first kiss? That sexuality is a spectrum. It's fluid and changing. There are no two people exactly the same, that's why there are more labels these days. You find one that suits you, or you choose not to. Some people just enjoy having sex, they don't need anything other than just being in the mood and liking the look of the nearest person who's game. I'll admit, I've had more than my fair share of one-night stands in the past. But it sounds like you need to form an emotional connection with someone before you're interested in exploring a sexual relationship. There's nothing wrong with that—there's no right or wrong when it comes to sexuality."

"Yes, that's it exactly," says Suki. She thinks of her neighbour, of Honey. Neither of those relationships had been given the proper space to grow into what she has with Eve, but there had been those deep, electrifying moments. Moments where she had been sitting at the kitchen table with Esha and they had passed secrets in whispers, Suki's heart pounding in her chest when she'd laughed at something she'd said, because everyone always thought her so serious, but there she was, inspiring another person to bright, rich joy, and all she had ever wanted was to elicit that reaction over and over and over again; the accidental brush of Esha's fingertips over the back of her hand as they both reached for the same spice at the same time, that one ghosting touch making her feel more than ten years with Nishandeep ever had.

Straying musings on what it might be like to lean in to Esha and stopper her honeyed laughter with a warm kiss.

Musings which had been swiftly pushed away. Dangerous, sinful things that had no place in her head.

And Honey. Sweet, innocent Honey, who had inspired art and poetry and the kind of embarrassing, eagerness to be noticed, to be liked. Her insides had fluttered each and every time Honey had sent a smile her way; the soft glow of affection had made the way that Honey was prone to ditziness endearing to her rather than irritating, as it would have in anyone else. The way that she'd take half a step too close, just to breathe in the scent of her perfume, or imagine reaching out to tuck a long strand of hair behind her ear, brushing the soft lobe of an ear, brushing even softer lips with her own.

Uninhibited by wine, the fantasy she had dared to make a reality, only to find that the reality ended with ash all the same as this time she set the world on fire.

Puppy love both, she supposes. The kind of pure infatuation undappled by the deeper intimacies of desire. She'd never burned for them in the way she burns for Eve; she can't say she'd ever imagined undressing either of them in the way that she'd feverishly dreamed about tearing the clothes from Eve's body, the floodgates opened from Eve's ill-advised attempt to show her a truth she was not yet ready to see.

With Esha and Honey, she'd occasionally caught herself daydreaming about a sweet embrace, an arm around her back holding her close, a cheek resting atop her head.

With Eve, she wants it all. The innocent safety of snuggling into her side. The lit touchpaper of a hand teasing low. Every single part of her, every single day.

"It's amazing to see you not being afraid to explore who you really are," says Eve now, breaking her from her thoughts. "All those beautiful, unique things that make you you. My soulmate."

How beyond unbelievable it is, to hear Eve say such a thing. Eve, who has known other loves, who has experienced things Suki can't even begin to comprehend. Eve sees her as her greatest love, the other half of her soul.

She smiles. Dips her head to kiss her again. "I'm lucky that I have you to help me make sense of myself."

"Oh, I know," Eve says lazily. "And don't you forget it, babe."

Grinning, Suki gives her a good-natured smack to the arm. "Hush, you."

"What? I'm just saying. You've got the full package here. Hot, funny—"

"—Debatable—"

"—Free legal advice," Eve continues, ignoring her interruption. "And I'm excellent with my hands. And mouth. And hips."

"You can certainly talk the talk. But I've seen you dancing. It's not a pretty sight."

"Hark at you, pretending to be unimpressed. You can't fool me, though. I'm the one that you're always begging for an encore." She imitates a breathless whimper that sounds deliberately pornographic. "Oh, Eve, please, please, so good, harder, right there, you're gonna make me come—"

"Shut up," Suki grumbles. "And I don't sound like that."

"I would never lie to you."

"You're irritating me now."

"What's new there? You love it really. Butting heads is foreplay to you."

Suki rolls her eyes, biting back a smile, and then squeals as Eve takes her completely by surprise, rolling them over so that she's the one on top now, her body weight delicious. She grins, pushing her hair carelessly being back behind her ear, looking so effortlessly attractive that it makes Suki's heart skip a beat.

"Suki Panesar, I am hopelessly in love with you," she declares, and warmth infuses her. Still, she tries to play it down.

"You've said."

"But this is different. I can say it to you every single day for the rest of our lives. There's nothing stopping us now. We can be open and free. So you'll have to get used to hearing it all the time."

"I want to," she whispers. "I want to hear it all the time. On some level, I think I need to." Because Nish had made her feel so small and helpless by the end. So isolated. So terrified. Just as Eve had always predicted.

Eve's expression softens into such tenderness, Suki thinks she might cry. No one's ever looked at her the way that Eve does. "Every single day for the rest of our lives, Suki. You'll know every single day just how loved you are. That's a promise."

Suki feels her lip trembling. Loving. Being loved. Yes, this is what this is.

And she's no longer scared.

Nor does she want to dwell on the past, not when her present is so perfect. So she turns to lighter topics.

"When you go home tomorrow, make sure you pack some extras," she says.

"Extras?"

Her eyebrow twitches significantly.

Eve bursts into peals of laughter, raking her fingers through her hair. "I've created a monster."

"So you haven't got anyone else to blame, then."

"Honestly, I don't think anyone else could handle you. You're insatiable."

"Don't pretend that you don't love it."

"Oh, babe, you have no idea. If I wasn't so comfortable, I'd go home right now and fetch them."

Suki giggles. "Now who's the insatiable one?"

"Anyone would be the same in my position."

"I guess we've got a lot of missing time to make up for."

"Absolutely. And it will be very, very fun."

Suki hides her smirk against her lover's shoulder. A year ago, she'd been so embarrassed by the idea of sex toys. They never would have crossed Nish's mind. In the twenty years between, Suki hadn't even given sex a thought, never mind anything else.

Leeds had changed everything, of course.

---

She still remembers that warm May Day, walking back to the hotel after a successful meeting, and passing the sex shop right there, bold as brass. Suki wasn't used to such brazenness right there near the city centre; Eve had delighted in it.

"You're not seriously thinking of going in there," Suki said, turning back when she realised that she'd left her lover several paces behind her.

Eve shrugged. "Why not?"

Suki glanced around, feeling her cheeks heating unpleasantly. "It's…you know!"

Eve smirked. "Are you embarrassed?"

"Of course I'm not!" she said quickly, a blatant lie; she could barely make herself look in the direction of the storefront, where someone had dressed a mannequin in a very provocative set of underwear. She hurried back, lowering her voice, frightened that someone might overhear her. "It's just…Why would you need anything in there?"

"Babe, there's nothing to be insecure about."

Suki bristled at the implication, and more than aware of being on a very public street. The last thing she needed was for anyone to hear that. She was trying so hard to master her shame, trying not to flinch whenever Eve looked at her in a way that couldn't possibly be construed as friendly, but this felt like one step too far. She spoke through gritted teeth, so quietly that Eve had to lean in to hear her. "I'm not insecure."

"Good. Because I promise you, I'm having the best sex of my life right now. Toys just add a different dimension, that's all."

It struck Suki then that Eve was speaking from a place of experience. She shifted, a little uncomfortable, a little jealous. Which was ridiculous, of course. She knew that Eve had plenty of experience with other women. She just supposed that that experience translated into a little anxiety that Suki could never measure up to previous lovers, despite what Eve might say to the contrary. After all, for all she knew, she might simply be sparing her feelings. She was still learning about the things that made Eve feel good. She'd surely had lovers who had been able to put their experience to good use.

"You don't need to come in with me," she said. "Just hang about here. Look, there's a bookshop next door."

Only in the north.

"I won't be long," she promised.

Suki was far too preoccupied with where Eve was to be able to concentrate on any of the blurbs that might erstwhile have captured her intrigue, pacing restlessly between the bookshelves of the little independent store and glancing at her watch every few seconds.

In the end, just to end the owner's occasional polite offerings to help, she seized the nearest title and took it to the till. Aware that she'd lingered long enough to make people wonder just what the hell she was doing, she exited and resolved to wait on the street.

Eve's idea of not being longturned out to be almost half an hour in total, and when she did return, she was swinging a discrete carrier bag.

"Sorry, sorry, I got a bit sidetracked!" she said, as if she'd been doing nothing more innocuous than Suki had.

"It's fine," Suki said tersely. "Can we just get back now?"

Eve fell into step beside her; Suki was far too mortified to ask what she'd ended up purchasing, and Eve offered no answers, perhaps sensing that she wasn't entirely comfortable with the subject. All the way back to the hotel, Suki was plagued by absurd half-terrors that the bag would split, or they'd be stopped by the police and searched, and the whole world would know.

But of course that didn't happen, and no one even glanced at them twice.

She thought that Eve might broach the subject when they got back to the privacy of their hotel room, but she didn't, only tucked to the bag inside her travelling holdall and checked her watch.

"Right, I'm gonna head for a shower," she said, giving her a brief kiss. "I want to look good for our romantic dinner reservations!"

Suki only rolled her eyes in mild exasperation and settled down on the bed with her new book to await her turn.

But she couldn't concentrate on a single word; they swam tauntingly in front of her eyes, her brain not comprehending anything of a plot that might have gripped her under different circumstances. Instead, she kept sneaking furtive glances at Eve's bag, half-expecting the contents to jump out.

Which was utterly absurd. But it haunted her anyway, until she was forced to concede defeat.

Straining her ears to make sure that Eve was still preoccupied in the shower, Suki threw her book aside without even bothering to mark the page, moving to tentatively kneel down next to Eve's bag and unzip it enough to pull the carrier bag out.

Her intention was only to peek for a moment and then return everything to its rightful place, pretending she was none the wiser by the time Eve returned.

But in the safety of that privacy, she found herself curious. Curious to know what kinds of things Eve liked, what could feasibly be used to enhance their bedroom antics. She couldn't pretend that she wasn't still a little anxious that all of this meant that Eve was growing bored with their sex life, that she was looking for inspiration elsewhere in a bid to spare Suki's feelings and her own desire to avoid any awkward conversations.

Which was silly, she tried to tell herself. Just last night they had experienced mind-blowing passion. Unless Eve was a very good actress, the way that she'd writhed and moaned should be a good indicator that she still very much craved Suki's touch.

So she pushed through it and sifted through the contents.

Things that she'd never expected to see in the flesh. Vibrators. At least three different types—she felt warmth infuse her cheeks at how each might differ.

Lubrication of some sort.

A strap-on.

The warmth became a burning fire.

Oh.

Despite herself, she was more than curious now.

Undeniably a little aroused as her imagination inevitably got the better of her. Thinking of Eve teasing herself, maybe even teasing her…

By the time Eve emerged from the bathroom, she was quivering like a finely strummed instrument. Too late, Suki realised that she hadn't heard the water shut off, or the bathroom door open. And now here she was, caught red-handed, prying where no invitation had been offered.

Eve raised an eyebrow at her. "Have you been snooping through my things? Charming." But, at least, she didn't sound cross. Just vaguely amused.

She couldn't even be embarrassed by it. Not when suddenly her world was pulsating. "There's…there's some interesting stuff here."

"I guess," Eve had said carefully. Not prompting. Waiting for her to find her courage.

She fingered one of the vibrators hesitantly. "Is…is it for us?"

"It could be, if that was something you were interested in. But it wasn't necessarily at the front of my mind."

"For yourself?"

"If I'm ever lucky enough to get the house to myself for long enough. You know what the Slater house is like. There's usually someone coming or going."

"What would you be thinking about?" Suki found herself whispering.

Eve caught her gaze. Held it. "What do you think?"

As if she had even needed to ask. But she bit her lip, her heart in her throat, waiting for the answer.

It came on a sigh, so low that she almost didn't hear it. "You. Me. Here together. The way you look when I fuck you. The way you sound. These purchases…they would just be another thing to help me on my way. Something that would make me come."

Suki's throat felt dry. Her body restricted in her clothes. The vibrator in her hand was heavy. Tempting. She licked her lips. Breathed the words she hardly dare give voice to. "Show me."

Oh, how things escalated from there.

Eve's hand within her own, tugging her over to the bed, the contrast of her completely naked body against Suki's clothed. Kneeling next to her on the bed, greedily watching, wanting. Her clothes becoming more bearable by the moment until she hadn't been able to deny herself any longer, tearing them off with a frenetic urgency that would have been embarrassing with anyone else. But not with Eve. Never with Eve.

She watched Eve undulating with an almost frantic hunger, the low buzzing of the vibrator an underscore to her groans and sharp breaths.

And then watching simply wasn't enough. She had to touch.

Her hand joined Eve's between her legs, tentative at first, then growing with confidence as Eve ceded all control of the vibrator to her, the slickness of her centre and the loud, uninhibited moans letting her know that the way she was gliding the toy down the length of her sex and then back up to focus on her clit was working.

"Oh, fuck," Eve gasped, her fingers biting into the curve of her hip to hold her closer to her side, and Suki emitted an involuntary sound of her own as she instinctively ground herself against her thigh in response. "Oh, Suki, yes, there, there…"

And then she was soaring, and it was one of the most fulfilling moments of her entire life, with the intimacy and trust to be allowed to bear witness to this privilege.

Her previous anxieties evaporated so quickly when Eve leaned up to kiss her in the aftermath of her intense, erotic orgasm.

And, after witnessing such an act, she was more than convinced that she wanted to experience it for herself. In moments she was on her own back, and Eve had to peel her underwear away from her, she was so wet between her thighs. Her legs spread with no encouragement needed, and in moments she was experiencing something that felt other-worldly in its intensity.

She didn't think she'd ever been so loud. Which she would have been embarrassed about if Eve hadn't kissed her breathless and sworn to her that there was nothing she loved more than seeing her completely let go.

As her thundering heartbeat had slowly calmed, Suki found her gaze inevitably drawn to the strap-on, still at the bottom of the bed. Eve, following her eyeline, pressed a kiss to her sweaty temple.

"You okay?" she whispered.

"Yeah." Suki swallowed hard. Debated whether she should say anything more. But this was Eve. They were here together, alone. And she never felt safer than she did when she was in her arms, the two of them in their own little bubble away from the harsh realities of controlling husbands and judgemental neighbours. "Can we…?"

She didn't elaborate, but Eve knew her so intimately well. She pressed another kiss to her temple, nuzzled against her affectionately.

"If you want to," she said. "There's no pressure on you, Suki. If you don't want something, I don't want it either. That's how this works. We can save it for another time, give you time to think about it. There's no rush."

"I don't need to think about it," she breathed. "I do want it."

"You're sure?"

"When I'm with you, I'm sure about everything."

So that settled that. Eve's beatific smile set her blood alight, and with one last soft kiss, she shuffled to the bottom of the bed.

Hot chills raced through her as she watched Eve putting herself together, the careful precision and the practiced ease in which everything fell into place. And seeing her…seeing it there, made her quiver. It was an electric blue, as if a blatant rebellion against the thing it was supposed to resemble, the shape where its similarities ended. Tentatively, she reached out to touch the firm silicon. It wasn't hot and unwanted. It didn't feel like a weapon, something she had to endure for the sake of appearances. No, it was a tool crafted for pleasure, wielded with her pleasure in mind by the one person who meant the whole world to her. She could have her say. She could control this as much as Eve. When she experimentally pushed, Eve's lips parted, her eyes half-lidding. Suki wasn't touching Eve directly, but she could still control Eve's reaction. Fire kindled in her belly at the thought.

They worked together to lube it up—not that Suki thought it was necessary, because she was still so wet that she could feel her arousal coating her thighs.

And it was inevitable, really, that she would find herself on her back with Eve nestled between her thighs, ankles crossed beneath her lover's backside, staring up into her eyes, completely overwhelmed by the sense of rightness at having Eve in this way.

"I'm gonna slide it in now," Eve said. "You ready?"

She nodded. The throbbing wetness between her thighs was almost unbearable. She was half-afraid that just the act of Eve pressing inside her would make her come.

Eve guided the head of the strap to her entrance. Suki's stomach fluttered with hot anticipation as she felt the bulbous head press against her, heavy and intoxicating.

And then Eve was pushing inside her, and it was filling her so deliciously, and she couldn't stop herself from moaning aloud at the intoxicating sensation. There was absolutely no resistance, just slick heat and the pressure of glorious fullness until it was fully inside, the silk of Eve's thighs pressing against her own, a shock of sensation.

"How's that feel?" Eve asked, shaking her hair out of her eyes. "Good?"

She arched her neck on the pillow. "Better than good. Oh, Eve."

"You want me to…?" She rocked her hips just slightly, sending sparks ricocheting through her.

"Please," she said. Begging. She never begged. But she couldn't stop herself, not when she had Eve like this, in a way she had never imagined before now, so perfect, so beautiful.

And Eve was more than happy to oblige, and all she knew was white-hot, all-encompassing, blinding pleasure. Between sloppy kisses, heavy breathing, and swear words that she would never have said under ordinary circumstances, Eve set her alight.

She hadn't even known it was possible to come so hard from…something shaped like the male appendage. Nish and Peter had certainly failed in that regard.

When she confided that to her in the aftermath, snuggled together in a beautiful afterglow, Eve had grinned.

"Trust me, babe," she said. "No one gives dick as good as a lesbian."

"You've done that before?" she asked quietly, focusing her attention on the jut of her lover's collarbone.

"Yeah," she admitted. "But nothing has ever felt the way it does with you, Suki Panesar. I thought I knew what love was. But then I met you. And everything I've shared with you feels a million times more intense because you make me feel so many things I didn't even know it was possible to feel."

One look into Eve's eyes confirmed that it wasn't just an empty platitude designed to make her feel better about the vast differences in their experiences when it came to intimacy with other women. Eve meant every single word, and in that moment, Suki found herself falling even deeper in love. She kissed her slowly, with all of the unquenchable adoration that she knew she would never feel for anyone else ever again.

They missed their dinner reservations, and Eve had needed to join her for another shower when they were done.

By the end of the weekend, they'd tested every one of Eve's purchases, and Suki had thought she wouldn't be able to walk properly for a week.

But, oh, how worth it it had been.

---

And now they're back in the honeymoon period, when all they want to do is be all over each other all of the time. There is nothing stopping them from being deliriously happy. Nothing to stop them from living the life that they want.

A new dawn.

Smiling, Suki sits up, moving to press a kiss against Eve's cheek as she groans in protest. "Come on, my love, let's get ready for bed."

"It's a good job I love you," Eve grumbles, hauling herself out of bed after her. Suki slips herself into Eve's discarded shirt, lazily fastening a couple of the buttons as Eve steps into her underwear.

Then it's the calm domesticity of sharing a space with each other, elbows knocking as they stand side by side round the basin, shooting each other shy, foamy-mouthed, infectious grins through the mirror. It's the safe familiarity of orbiting around each other, removing makeup and grabbing emergency pyjamas.

It's the comfort of slipping back into bed still wearing nothing but Eve's shirt, knowing that she never again has to pretend or hide away. It's reaching out to draw Eve closer, breathing in the musk of perfume and sweat and sex on her skin, bringing her in to kiss with lazy lassitude, encouraging her to rest her head in the junction of her neck and shoulder while she lays on her back and stares up at the ceiling, floating on this sea of unbelievable contentment. It's running her fingers through Eve's hair, longer than she's ever known it and all the more intoxicating for it. It's relishing the press of Eve's body against her side, the curves of her body fitting like a puzzle piece against her own, warm and right.

It's listening to Eve's breaths tapering into the deep, even breaths of sleep, knowing that the morning won't dawn as a day where they have to part and pretend that there's nothing more than a simple friendship between them. It's knowing that they can eat breakfast together in her kitchen, ready themselves for work in the same space, walk through the square hand-in-hand, kiss each other goodbye on the steps of the bap van or in the doorway of the Minute Mart, count down the hours until their reunion before they do it all over again.

It's peace.

It's freedom.

It's home.