Chapter Twelve: Healing Wounds
Alison sat curled up in the armchair with her head resting on the arm. Her fingers coiled around her locket. Her thumb tracing the small angel that was carved into the metal. The metal faded long ago, showing the silver under the gold. With a soft click the locket opened and Alison eyes watering slightly at the image of her dad. She stopped herself from touching the photo, not wanting to ruin the only photo she had left of her dad. She still remembered when the photo was taken. It was the first time her dad ever took her to the zoo. Her mind wandered off as she thought of what had become of those animals, left to starve to death in their cages.
Her eyes flicked sideways for a moment when she heard the infirmary doors open with Daryl walking in and heading straight to the back without saying a word. She looked back at the photo, thinking nothing of it. She had learned that Daryl was a quiet man, unlike Maggie who was more then happy to stop and talk about anything. Her attention was only brought back when Daryl came back pushing a table that held fresh gauze along with a assessment of tools one would need to change a bandage. She didn't say anything, merely pressing her lips together in frustration as Daryl made his way over and sat down in front of her.
Once it became clear that Alison wasn't going to speak, Daryl broke the silence. "Siddiq told me that you won't let him change your dressings." Daryl paused for a moment only to let out a small sigh as Alison continued to stay silent. "You must get your dressings changed. You could get an infection if you don't." Daryl explained.
"So…?" Alison mumbled before closing her locket with a small click. She shifted herself a little in an effort to find a more comfortable spot. The couch was old and worn and the springs were digging into her back but she was sick of being in bed and was willing to put up with it for the time being.
Daryl shifted uncomfortably, he wasn't prepared to have this conversation. Why couldn't this girl make things easy on herself? "You're old enough to know that infections in this world can be deadly. If you end up getting an infection, you could die." Daryl said firmly, needing Alison to understand. In this world, a simple cut, a fever could mean one's death. "Siddiq may have to remove more of your arm, you don't want that. You don't want an infection." Daryl warned, hoping the girl wouldn't argue with him.
He still remembered Carl's dressing-change battles with Rick. Carl would resist, Rick would start yelling which made Carl yell and a dressing change that would have taken fifteen minutes took an hour and a half and ended in tears. He didn't want a repeat with Alison. He didn't want to start a yelling battle with the girl and he certainly didn't want her to end up crying. Maggie would have his head. A calm, easy process was his goal.
Alison flicked her eyes upwards, staring at Daryl for several seconds before speaking "So…" Alison asked, her voice flat and avoid of any emotions. There was no sadness, no anger, nothing. "Just leave me alone." Alison mumbled before lowering her gaze to the floor.
Daryl brought his hand up, pinching the bridge of his nose. He tried to think of a way he could reach the girl. He wished Aaron didn't go out on a run. He already bonded with Alison and he bet he would be able to convince the girl to get her dressings changed without much of a fight. He wanted to build trust with Alison, especially if she was moving in with him, he just didn't know how to. He looked down, his eyes catching the locket that Alison had wrapped around her fingers. "Who gave you the locket?" Daryl asked.
"None of your business." Alison muttered, her voice avoid of emotions like before. She flipped herself over, her back facing Daryl. "Go away…" Alison said, this time a hint of frustration orperhaps anger could be heard.
"Did your dad give it to you?" Daryl asked. He knew he was walking on thin ice. He didn't know what reaction he would get. There were three options, either he would upset the girl or Alison would lash out or she would continue to be emotionless. He wasn't sure what he was hoping for. "You talked about your dad some when you had a fever, I don't know if you remember." Daryl paused, waiting to see if Alison would respond, when she didn't he continued. "Am I right in assuming that you lost your dad? Did you lose him during the attack on your community? I don't talk about it, but I lost my brother a few years back." Daryl explained.
"My mom was never around and my dad was a drunk. He always had a bottle in his hand, that or a belt," Daryl continued, his voice low, "my brother, Merle, was an asshole." Daryl said, pausing for a moment as a shadow casted over his features as the memory of his father came back. "My brother, he was an asshole plain and simple, but he was the one steady thing I had growing up. In his own way he cared, it just wasn't easy to see it most of the time," Daryl explained, "the only thing I have left of him is his motorcycle."
Alison was quiet for several minutes before finally speaking, startling Daryl a little. "How did he die?"
Daryl spoke with a mix of grief and anger as he thought about his brother, "A man who called himself the Governor killed him. If you knew my brother then you would know he did nothing for no body. My brother wasn't a good guy, he made many bad choices in his life. We both did but in the end he gave his life for the group. It was the one good thing he ever did." Daryl explained, pausing for a moment before continuing. "What about your dad? How did it happen?"
Alison turned over slightly, looking over at Daryl, "Walkers broke down our walls." She paused, a tremor in her voice, "I was doing my chores. I was taking one of our horses, Juliet, back to the stables. Juliet got spooked by the Walkers and ended up knocking me to the ground. I couldn't get up fast enough." Alison paused, struggling to find the words, "One of the Walkers, it got on top of me. My dad pulled it off, he saved me…but he got overrun. They…they tore him apart." Alison explained, her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes welled up with tears as she thought about that day.
"It wasn't your fault, you know." Daryl said, his voice was soft but firm, wanting Alison to know that what happened wasn't her fault.
"Then why does it feel like it?" Alison asked, "If I didn't get knocked down then I wouldn't have needed saving."
Daryl was silent, letting Alison's words hang in the air. "...What if it was your dad?" Daryl finally asked "What if your dad was the one that needed to be saved?" He pressed on, making his point clear. "What if you were the one that needed to save your dad? Would it have been his fault that the horse got spooked?" Daryl asked. He had spent many hours blaming himself for what happened to his brother, to what happened to Rick before realizing that he would've done the same thing if the situation was reverse
"Of course not." Alison replied.
"Then why is it yours?" Daryl asked.
Alison was silent for several seconds before shrugging her shoulders "...I don't know, it's just is." Alison finally answered. Her voice was soft. It barely broke the quite. The words hung in the air. They were simple but held a lot of weight to them.
"Your dad loved you and he did what he had to, to protect you. I know he would do it all over again if given a choice because that what people do for the ones they love. He wouldn't want you sit here and allow yourself to get sick. He wouldn't want that for you." Daryl explained.
"It doesn't matter!" Alison yelled, her voice cracking slightly. "How am I supposed to do anything? I don't have an arm! How can I fight?" She questioned. "How can I protect myself? I'm useless." Alison said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. She couldn't help but to feel like a burden. These people shouldn't have to look after her just because she was stupid enough to get herself bitten.
"Useless?" Daryl asked, his voice low as he got ready to challenge the idea. "Aaron seems to be doing ok. He's more then capable of holding his own in a fight. I seen him take down Walkers and people if need be. He's on a run right now, gathering supplies that we need." Daryl explained. "I wouldn't exactly call him useless"
Daryl shifted, is gaze softening slightly "I'm not going to lie to you, I'm pretty sure you're smart enough to know if I'm lying even if I did. I'm not going to tell you that I know what you are going through because I don't, but what I do know is that you are far from useless." Daryl said, stressing each word, wanting them to sink in. "You can continue to fight me, yell, or ignore me but I'm not gonna leave until we get that dressing changed. I have all day to sit here."
Daryl eyes held firm, showing the girl that he wasn't going to back down. "I'm not gonna let you sit here and allow yourself to get sick from an infection. Now, sit up and allow me to do what I need to in order to make sure you heal properly." Daryl said firmly.
Alison's eyes locked into Daryl. She studied him closely, looking for any sign the he was bluffing but there was nothing. Daryl's face was a stone wall, showing no sign that he would back down. Letting out a huff of air as she sat up. She hesitated for a moment before slowly taking her arm out of the sling.
Daryl nodded in approval. He worked carefully and slowly unwrapping Alison's dressings. He peeled off the layers of gauze, revealing the thick cotton padding underneath. "Alright, we are gonna soak this for a bit." Daryl explained as he nudged the bowl of warm water closer to her. "Put your arm in the water and let it rest." He instructed. He knew this part would hurt. Siddiq had to cauterize the wound, the cotton was likely fused to the damaged skin. Trying to pull it off dry would rip the skin off with it. The warm water would loosen the cotton, easing the removal. It would still hurt, but hopefully not as much.
Alison inched her way forward, she hesitated for a moment before placing her arm in the water, wincing slightly as the cotton quickly absorbed the water.
"You know, my brother would have liked you." Daryl said, filling the awkward silence as he worked on getting a fresh roll of gauze ready along with the cotton pads.
"Whys that?" Alison asked.
Daryl couldn't help but to smirk a little as he continued to get everything ready for Alison's dressing change. "Long story short. The asshole managed to get himself handcuffed on top of a roof of a department building. He sawed off his own hand to get himself free." Daryl explained "Someone just as stubborn as him…he would have liked you." Daryl explained. "I'd take it as a compliment, he didn't like anyone." Alison's stubbornness and will reminded Daryl of his brother. He hadn't thought about Merle in years, it was easier that way, but he saw his brother in this girl. Merle held all of his emotions in his eyes, just as Alison did.
Alison stayed silent, her eyes tracking Daryl's every movement as she fought the urge to pull her arm away.
"I understand how hard it is to trust people. For years is was just my brother and I." Daryl explained. Life taught them early on that they could trust no one but themselves but then things changed. He met Rick who believed him in, Carol who saw him more then just his brother, and Maggie who was kind to him, who didn't see him as the rough redneck everyone else did. "Maggie, Aaron…" He spoke, his voice a little softer. "They made me who I am today, I wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for them. I know it's hard to believe but there are still good people in this world." Daryl explained. "Maggie, Aaron…me, We just want to help you, give you a place where you can grow up."
Alison continued to stay silent. A place to grow up, it sounded to good to be true. She been on her own for a year, doing everything she could to survive. Could she even be part of a community anymore?
Alison continued to say silent. A place to grow up, it sounded to good to be true. She been alone for a year, doing what she could to survive. Many times she almost died, she still didn't understand why she didn't. It was like the universe was playing a cruel joke on her. Finding food was hard. Finding a safe place to sleep was harder. She always had to watch her back, not just from Walkers but people too. Could she really be part of a community again? She wondered if she even knew how. Being alone changed her, she knew that. She did not know if she could bring herself to trust again. Being a part of a community means trusting others, letting people in. Alison wondered if she was still capable of such things.
Daryl carefully peeled back the cotton, revealing the damage to Alison's arm. It was a terrible sight. What remained of her arm was black, charred, like burnt wood. Daryl knew her body made the scab in order to protect the damage area until the skin sealed itself back together but it was still hard to look at. "Sorry." Daryl apologized as pieces of the scab came off with the cotton, causing the area to bleed. He flicked his eyes up to make sure Alison was handling everything alright. He knew the girl was strong, but this was different.
Alison clenched her teeth as Daryl slowly peeled back the dressings. Her heart pounded, she tried to prepare herself for what she was about to see. The white cloth peeled away, bit by bit. She squeezed her eyes shut the moment her arm was revealed. Her eyes watered, her arm was something out of a horror film. She remembered when she was young, walking in on her dad while he was watching a horror movie. She was suppose to be sleeping but she got thirsty and wanted a glass of water. The young womans arm in the movie was dead, decaying. She watched in horror as the woman grabbed a chainsaw and hacked it off. It was awful. She couldn't sleep without her dad comforting her for a week after that. Her own arm reminded her of that moment, the black, dead skin that covered what remained of her arm. It didn't feel like it belonged to her. In the sling, she could pretend, pretend that her arm was still there but now, with the dressings removed. Reality came crashing down. She couldn't look anymore, turning her head away as tears slowly started to fall.
Daryl hesitated for a moment as he considered stopping and giving Alison some time to get comfortable with what was happening but figured that beginning again would only be harder for her. He gently moved Alison's arm, positioning it over the bowl. Next, he reached for the bottle of alcohol and uncapped it. "This is gonna hurt" Daryl warned as he took Alison's elbow. His grip was firm but gentle. He glanced up at Alison, making sure she was doing okay before pouring the alcohol over the area, his grip tightening as Alison tried to pull away from him.
Alison couldn't help but to cry out in pain as the alcohol touched her arm. The sharp sting of alcohol made her breath hitch. It felt like fire on her skin. She bit down hard on her lower lip as she fought the urge to pull away. She clenched her fist that wasn't there which only made the burning sensation worse. A sob wracked her body as she squeezed her eyes shut as the burning spread along every inch of her arm.
Daryl felt incredibly guilty, the last thing he wanted was to cause Alison any more pain. He made sure the area was soaked before setting the bottle down. "You're doing very good." Daryl soothed. The words felt wrong coming out of his mouth. He didn't know how to bring comfort to others, he didn't even know if his words were right. How could he comfort someone when he never received it himself? "That was the hard part. I'm just gonna add some cream to help with the burns, then I'll bandage you back up." Daryl explained.
Daryl squeezed out a generous amount of cream, wanting to make sure that he covered the wound well. He carefully rubbed it in, making sure not to put too much pressure on the area. He had to admitted, Alison's arm looked much better then he thought it would. There was some swelling and some redness but that was normal, but he saw no sign of infections. Of course he was no Siddiq, but he still thought her arm looked much better. It was healing faster than either of them had hoped. Once he was done with the cream, he grabbed a clean cotton pad and gently placed it over Alison's arm. Next he used a fresh roll of gauze and carefully wrapped her arm. He made sure it was snug but still had enough blood flow before taping the ends down.
Daryl looked up at Alison, his heart hurting at the sight. Tears stained her cheeks as she curled herself up into a ball, making herself as small as possible. In that moment he did something completely unexpected of him to the point that it even shocked him. He made his way to Alison's side and put his arm around her. He pulled her in close, resting her head on his shoulder as he started to run his fingers softly through her hair. It was a simple gesture that he seen Maggie do with Carl and Judith many times. "You did good kid," Daryl comforted, "You did good…"
Daryl managed to get Alison back to bed, tucking her in. With a tender touch, he used his thumb to wipe away her tears that still trickled down her face. "Close your eyes and try and get some rest," Daryl said softly, "how about I read to you for a bit? Aaron told me he managed to find the second book in the series you've been reading." Daryl said, sitting down on the edge of the bed and picking up the worn book from the nightstand. He flipped through the pages before starting at chapter one, "Chapter one: Many meetings. Frodo woke and found himself laying in bed. At first he thought that he had slept late, after a long unpleasant dream that still hovered on the edge of memory. Or perhaps he had been ill? But the ceiling looked strange; it was flat, and it had dark beams richly carved. He lay a little while longer looking at patches of sunlight on the wall, and listening to the sound of a waterfall." Daryl read until Alison fall asleep.