I didn't put this in the last chapter for this announcement, but I made a twilight/transformers crossover story. I know twilight and transformers, ew, but I think that story will be good when it fully gets moving.

…

"Tell me what happened," I didn't look at my shrink but gazed out the windows of the general hospital in Forks. That same calm voice to be appear relaxed and supportive, comforting, polite, I always fell for it, but it helped. "Tell me what happened in Texas."

"It was a setup from my grandmother from the beginning, Jarrett was in on it. Aunt Francis was… I don't know the word but she… she was there, and she didn't let anything happen… to me."

I've been feeling guilty these past couple of days about what I did, maybe it was too far but then I remember what Moncia said. Then I was happy I did it.

"Did you know what was going on?"

"Not a clue… I suspected Jarrett was… off. But I never knew…"

"Yeah." Her nod and clam sigh of silent confirmation let a long pause of silence. Silence.

Silence says a lot they say. I don't know what they see but… I was feeling guilty, and I was thinking of changing my major. Changing from going to Harvard, Princeton, I was thinking Princeton. I would have the money to go when I was eighteen, everything my parents left me would be available and I could do… anything I wanted. I could buy a house in Indonesia, I could buy one out here, never mind buy one. I could build it. There was… something else I was worried about… not something but somethings because of paranoia and I…

I was feeling low, extremely low like I had months ago.

"Are you still having headaches? Does your chest still hurt? Are you still having trouble sleeping?"

"Yes, to both. Sleep isn't so hard anymore."

"Did you eat today? What did you eat?"

"I had French toast."

"Did you make it home?"

"Uncle Charlie and I went to the diner for breakfast."

"Have you and Uncle Charlie talked about that night?"

I shook my head, "No, he's barely home. He's… different."

"How different?"

"He's never home anymore. I mean this morning was different, but we didn't talk that much. But he's usually gone before I wake up and he comes home when I'm asleep. He's just… I don't know, different."

She doesn't say anything, but I can hear the pen on the paper as she writes.

"I know in our last session you were talking about Jacob. Have you talked to Jacob?"

I shook my head.

"Did you talk to Jacob before you left?"

I nodded, "I talked to him that day."

"What did you two talk about?"

I sighed, "He was there that morning talking to Uncle Charlie about what happened the night before. Something happened with Uncle Charlie's girlfriend's daughter."

"What is her name?"

"Leah. Leah Clearwater."

"So, what happened with Leah Clearwater?"

"I… I went out to the car to grab Uncle Charlie's phone. And Leah came out of her mothers car, at first I was confused."

"Why were you confused?"

"I couldn't understand why she was so mad. She's beautiful, like beautiful, so beautiful I couldn't understand why she so mad. I mean, I know everyone has there own problems but that's all I could think about."

"Okay. What else?"

"She knew who I was. She said that… that if I ever attempted again to make sure it was successful and that I should already be dead."

"What else happened?" She asked writing quickly.

"Uncle Charlie took me home after that. I took my meds and we talked about it some. Went to bed. Woke up the next morning and there was Jacob in the kitchen with Uncle Charlie talking."

"What were they talking about?"

"Something about work and then they started talking about me. And Monica."

"What was said?"

"It was about Monicas attorneys or something. They were talking about me and my recovery and Sue, Charlie's girlfriend."

"What else happened?"

"I went back upstairs. … I was thinking about what Uncle Charlie said about Monica. I was hoping… I was hoping that everything could work itself out. Jacob came by again when Uncle Charlie was gone. He gave me a book."

"A book?" She asks, her tone was happy, intrigued.

I smiled instinctively, "Yeah, a book."

She hums, "What else happened?"

"He asked if I were okay, and he… he looked at me like… I don't know… like I was… everything, I guess."

"What do you mean by everything?"

"Like I… like I am everything for him, I don't know."

She hummed, it went silent again as she wrote down whatever she was writing down on her paper, "Do you like Jacob?"

"Yeah. But… I had said something to make him mad."

"What did you say?"

"He said that he was my secret admirer, he gave me books before, but I didn't know it was him. I told him that… Well, I said that he likes my cousin, his body language had said it all."

"What did it say?"

"That I was right. They way he changed when I said her name was like… I don't know, I just had a feeling that I was right about what I said. He denied it though."

"What did he say?"

"That she's getting married."

"What did you say?"

"That I wasn't stupid. His body language proved me right and I thanked him for the book, and I'd give it back to him but he told me to keep it…"

Silence for a long moment, I can feel her staring at me. Analyzing me.

"How did that make you feel? When he told you to keep it?"

"I stood there… confused but also… I felt shitty. Like pure cat poop."

She chuckled once, breathily, a chuckle to keep me talking.

"I… I felt bad. I wanted to go after him and apologize or give him time before I talked to him again…"

"Do you still feel bad?"

"Yeah… I feel… shameful I guess is the word. I regretted what I said immediately, I wished that I had said something else but I… I couldn't stop thinking about Uncle Charlie's stories about Bella and Jacob… I don't know, I guess, I feel jealous too."

"Why do you think you feel jealous?"

"Because I…. Because I wish that it were me in those stories… Or wanting to be that close to Jacob like Bella was but I… I can't help but feel like I'm not good enough for him and I'm jealous because I want to be and I… I like him."

"Whether you are good enough or not for him, Vivianna, you must know that you have to love yourself first before someone can love you. If you're not good enough for him, you will be the world to someone else. Jacob may or may not like you but that doesn't mean you have to lower yourself down for him to like you. When boys see that, they see someone that they can use, manipulate, and potentially cause a lot of damage to someone else because of the way they carry themselves."

"I love myself." I felt irritated that she even said that I didn't, I looked over at her and her posture and facial expression didn't change.

"You believe that you're not good enough for him… To me, that doesn't much like fondness to yourself. Viviane, you're not Bella and Bella is not you. You are you, and you are more than enough to find love, but you can't just go out looking for it when you don't know what you want yourself."

I didn't say anything because I didn't have anything to say. In all honesty, I could continue being stubborn and stuck up to deny these facts but I'm here to get better, not worse. She was right. I sighed heavily in defeat and leaned back in the soft floral designed couch; the room was white but was decorated in everything my shrink loved. Jamaican, Japanese, and Arabian culture around the room in knick knacks or furniture. It was… cozy, honestly. She was right and I hated it, but I had to accept that. I couldn't talk about this. I couldn't talk about this anymore. I didn't want to talk anymore. It was silent for the rest of the session.

Silence says a lot. I thought about the likeness of things staying calm the way they were, I hardly doubted it, but I really just wanted things to relax, normal for once. Normal, I had found that silently comical and rubbed my inner forearms through the fabric of my sweater at the memory of being nonnormal.

Normal. Nothing was normal.

Normal lost its meaning to me by the time I got back into Uncle Charlie's cruiser back home.

"How was it?" Uncle Charlie asked as he drove down the main streets of Forks.

"It was okay."

Hu hummed and it was quiet for a moment.

"So… um… Sue and I are—" I glanced over at him when he choked on his words. His face was tinting in embarrassed discomfort. "Sue and I are going on a date tonight and I will be home in the morning."

He didn't have to say anything else.

"Okay." I looked out the window with wide eyes trying to process this.

"I was thinking… You should invite Jacob over the evening."

"Huh?" It was my first reaction and an instinctive reaction.

What the hell did he just say?

Uncle Charlie shrugged, "I think you and Jacob would be great friends. Order some pizza, watch a movie and he can go home before 10. Or see a movie, either or."

"Uncle Charlie I don't thin—"

"It's Friday night, you should have some sort of plans. I think it'll be good for you."

I don't think I could get out this if I wanted to. I had been planning, since he had said he was going to be gone for night, on playing myself and going to sleep early.

"Okay." I sighed.

"I'll call Billy when we get home."

Wow, he was eager to go on his date. I don't even want to know why he was in such a rush. I was disappointed about having my night home alone and masturbating turned into having to be nice to Jacob. The last time we talked was barely a conversation. I sighed as I thought about giving his book back, I thought maybe this was a chance to have an actual conversation with Jacob. Because first, he was right she is married and gone, but that didn't help me think of ways of actually being nice to him. I truly didn't think it was wise for me to be around people because of my souring attitude.

Who would want to spend quality time with a miserable person? I tried to lighten my mood, but I was just so disappointed. I really wanted a night alone and to pleasure myself, it would be the cure to my disgusting mood.

I showered and changed into house clothes when we got back home. Uncle Charlie was in the bathroom when I left my room in a pair of leggings and one of my oversized long sleeve shirts. I sat on the couch watching tv when Uncle Charlie left, and I was waiting for Jacob and the pizza to show.

When I heard the knock on the door, I prepared myself before I got up from the couch and opened the front door. And there he was, standing there looking just as uncomfortable as I had felt when Charlie first proposed the idea. Might as well get this over with.

"Hi, Jacob." I greeted him as politely as I could muster.

"Hi, Viviane."

I stepped aside to open the door wider for him to come inside, "Come in."

He ducked his head to pass through the doorway and I closed the door behind him.

"Don't worry about me. I'm just here to make the dads happy. I'll keep my Bella loving ass in the kitchen." His voice was thick with frustrated sarcasm.

I never rolled my eyes harder than the moment he walked away to the kitchen, and I returned to the living room. I couldn't stay still when I sat back on the sofa to continue watching the movie on the screen, and I sighed about a million times trying to get myself to relax and try of a way to salvage some part of the evening to at least be civil, but I was coming up empty. My mind was moving a mile a minute and was already making bitter decisions. I grumbled and mumbled to myself getting myself madder at his remark, I glared hard at the moving images on the screen without retaining the context.

"Fine, he can keep his Bella loving ass in the kitchen," I grumbled to myself as I walked to the front door to retrieve the pizza hoping that the food would help with my mood.

I took the pizza box from the delivery boy, I glanced at the driveway, there's no vehicle there expect for the pizza guy. I went to close the door, and quiz Jacob, but the delivery boy stopped me.

"Wait," He says looking down at the money I gave him.

I wondered if I had the wrong amount of money, "What? Did I not have enough?"

The brunette boy with dark freckles smiles at me with his blue eyes bright, "Oh yeah, that's good. I was actually wondering what you're doing tomorrow." He says slightly nervous.

My eyebrows slowly pinched together, "Um… The same as usual."

"What are you doing?"

"Uh… just things."

"Oh," He looks down at his shoes and back up at me, "Would you want to go see a movie… with me?"

Holy crap that was bold.

"Um…" I didn't know what to say and I didn't have time to say something because Jacob did.

"She's has things to do with me tomorrow night." I looked over my head to Jacob grabbing the pizza box from directly behind me.

"Oh." I looked back at the delivery boy looking up at Jacob with wide eyes, the boy choked and stepped backwards. "Okay, sorry." He said before rushing off and Jacob closed the door.

"I can't believe this," I grumbled storming away to the living room and flopped down on the sofa, crossing my arms. Oh, I was getting so mad.

"You're welcome." Jacob says with his sarcasm.

"You're welcome? For what?" I demanded shooting a glare at him as he walked into the living room and put the pizza box on the coffee table.

"Saving you from going on a date with someone that you don't want." Jacob says, calmer than his previous response, opening the lid and taking out a slice.

I scoffed, shaking my head and glaring at the tv screen, "Oh please."

"Want one?" He asks gesturing to the pizza.

I glared at the tv screen, "Not hungry," I said sourly even though my stomach growled, and I know he heard it.

"Sure, sure."

"How the hell do you know what I want?" I demanded redirecting my glare at him as he looked at me chewing.

He snorted breathily and swallowed as he smiled, "Because I do. The kids a tool."

I rolled my eyes again and scoffed, "Maybe I would've liked to find that out. Since when do I have things to do with you? Maybe Bella would like to do something." I glared back at the tv.

He laughed and sat down on the sofa to my left, "Maybe she would."

I glowered at him, "Fine."

He was smiling at me, cockily, "Fine." His smile widening.

"What the hell are you smiling about?"

"Nothing."

I hummed and looked at the tv pulling my legs to my chest as my stomach growled.

"Are you sure you're not—"

"Yes."

"Okay."

I heaved a sigh.

Jacob turned to me, "You were really considering going to see a movie with him?"

"Yes, I was."

"Why?"

"Why does it matter to you?" I demanded.

"It matters."

"Well, it doesn't matter." I grumbled.

"It does though."

"No, it doesn't." I stood up from the sofa and walked towards the stairs. I really needed to get out of this room before I smacked him with the remaining pizza slices.

"Where are you going?"

"To my bedroom! What!? You going to dictate if I can go to my room too?" I didn't answer for an answer, I didn't want an answer, I climbed the stairs and walked to my bedroom.

I went to slam the door behind me, but it had caught on something, and I turned around.

"What the—"

Jacob held up a single finger at me, "One, why the hell would you want to go on a date with him?" He held up a second finger, he was breathing heavily as he shivered, "Two, are we really going to spend this night arguing over bullshit?"

I wiped my face and ran my hands through my hair, "I don't know Jacob maybe because I want a boyfriend. Why do you even care? We are not arguing because we have nothing to freaking argue over."

"Why does it have to be him?"

"Well, it's not. You already made my plans pretty clear tomorrow. Anything else?" I demanded with my stomach growling.

Jacob stopped and it was silent for a few seconds before he prepared himself to say something, "Can you eat something?"

"Like what?" I demanded.

Pizza, you freaking dickhead. My mind chimed.

Jacob sighed, frustrated, he ran his hands through his hair but then stopped abruptly. His arms fell to his sides, his hands quivered, "You know what, whatever."

Happy?

I walked over to my bed as he walked out of the room. I soon followed him downstairs to get something in my stomach to tame it. Jacob was just sitting in a chair at the kitchen table when I got downstairs, I stared at my pizza slice for a moment thinking. Let's be honest here, if Jacob didn't… like me in any way he wouldn't have tried to be a secret admirer with books. And if I was being honest with myself, his face said everything when he scared of the delivery boy, no one would've done that if—in some sort of way—they didn't feel anything for somebody. I've seen things like this in school, I would notice a connection between two people and usually something always came up to prove feelings, whether it was jealousy because of someone else or gestures like the book. I don't know why right then and there I decided to find out the truth or another hint towards the truth.

But then I thought, why should I be the first to say something? I felt like an asshole for even thinking that. But… I should be the bigger person here. I was not happy about this outcome, truly, I didn't think this would happen, I had imagined awkward talking but I didn't imagine arguing. Why we were arguing in the first place? What was the point of the argument? Why we were fighting each other?

Why was I arguing with someone I barely know? It's… not right. And… I certainly don't want to fight with him. I wish I could talk to my shrink right now, ask her how I could fix this. But I couldn't do that right now. I thought about what she said today, it was a blow to the ego but she was right. I thought about what she would do. But she's not me, and I'm not her, I had to figure this out myself.

My chest constricted. I want him. I don't know how to explain it but I just want him. Maybe he'd still be mad at me but I could apologize, I could make a step to make things better, and maybe I could call my shrink tomorrow. Explain what happened and ask her if I did the right thing. I want him, I rubbed at my chest, an area over my heart that was heavy and tight. Relief to that weight seemed nonexistent.

I sighed pushing away of my pride to salvage the night and talk to him like a normal person. I put the slice of pizza back in the box and walked to the kitchen.

I stopped in the archway and grabbed onto the frame, "Jacob."

He didn't say anything but had his hands in his hair.

"I'm sorry."

He sighs shortly, "It's not your fault." He dropped his hands from his hair and stood up from the table and turned to me, his hands shivering, "It's not you, it's me. I'm being a dick. This wasn't supposed to happen."

"I'm apologizing because you gave me books and I accused you of liking someone else… That was stupid. I'm sorry I'm being an ass… I just… I don't know and I'm sorry. It's not fair to you for me to act like this. I didn't want this to happen."

Jacob didn't say anything until I looked up at him from the floor after an uncomfortable pause of silence.

"It's okay…" He sighed heavily, and ran his hands through his hair "I'm sorry too." He said quietly.

I walked over to the table and stood near it, not too close but not too far either. I picked at the skin around my nails, I couldn't see his face.

"It wasn't my business to say anything to that delivery boy. I'm sorry for… instigating you, that was wrong. I'm sorry."

Oh my God, thank God. Apologies from both parties, this is a good sign.

I stepped closer to the table seeing Uncle Charlie's papers and mail all looking droopy and messy, I tidied that small area as I spoke.

"It's okay, I forgive you." I replied quietly, my heart started to overact being in such close proximity to him, I straightened the newspaper behind the pieces of opened mail of bills. I glanced at him when my stomach growled, his hands were covering his face still, "I think most of my attitude is because I haven't eaten today."

Jacob snorts breathily, "I guess that would explain some of it." His stomach growled.

"It seems maybe your attitude came from hunger too." I couldn't stop the smirk from pulling at the corners of my mouth.

Jacob removed his hands from his face and looked at me, my heart skipped a beat in my chest from the smile that spreading across his face. "Bunch of hangry teenagers."

We went back into the living room and ate the pizza while we watched some episodes of Doug and Moesha. We were fine after that, the rest of the night went smoothly, and definitely another order of pizza too. I looked at the clock when I seen Jacob's head falling slightly as he tried keeping his eyes open, I stood up seeing the hands near the proud number 2 and started cleaning up the coffee table. I couldn't believe it was that late, it was just 6:30 the last time I checked the clock. I came back into the living room to Jacob resting his head on his hand, lounged out on the couch and sleeping. I gazed at him for a long few seconds before I pulled the quilt off the back of the couch and draped it over him, I grabbed one of the couch pillows replaced his hand with the pillow and he was… gone. He didn't move once, and he was already snoring softly.

I had to bite my lip from smiling but I couldn't help it, he's freaking adorable. I turned the tv down and went upstairs to bed. I laid down ready to succumb to sleep but as I laid there, I started to reenergize. I sighed heavily to myself and focused on slowing my breathing to calm my heartbeat. I grabbed my comforter and went downstairs, I sat in Charlie's chair and watched tv for a bit before my attention went to a sleeping Jacob.

I wondered why Charlie had been insistent on Jacob's presence tonight, I didn't understand it. I was expecting him to let me stay home alone. But this was better than staying home alone… My eyes closed as my head lowered to my arm on the arm of the chair.

…

I jumped awake, startled at the shrill ring of the phone. I looked around to Jacob waking up and groaning, I got up with my eyes barely open and walked to the kitchen. I picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I asked through the phone with my eyes closed, I leaned against the counter.

Static and the line disconnected.

I hung the phone back up and waited to see if whoever called would call back. They didn't so I went to the living room.

"Who was it?" Jacob asked laying down on the couch.

I got comfortable in the chair again, "I don't know. They hung up."

Jacob hummed, groggily. And then he sat up and looked around, "What time is it?"

I looked towards the early dawn light outside the windows. "Five, maybe."

Jacob snorted groggily.

I hummed in question with my eyes closed.

"I didn't know they played south park at this time… Kenny." He mocked one of the characters' voices.

I giggled groggily, my head was heavy with exhaustion, and I didn't want to go back to sleep. I don't think Jacob was and he was talking, I wanted to hear him talk.

"Well, Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls…"

Jacob chuckled sleepily; I heard him adjusting on the couch.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I replied, my voice barely a whisper. "You?"

"Yeah."

Silence filled the living room with the quiet hum of the moving pictures on the tv screen. I reopened my eyes to Jacob murmuring my name, I looked at him on the couch. He was on his side and his eyes were closed, one of his legs twitched and he murmured my name again. I watched him for a few seconds before I felt his sleeping distress when I caught his eyes moving behind his eyelids. He was dreaming about something and something was causing him distress. I got up from the chair and knelt down by the couch, my eyes closed as I went to shake him to wake him, but my head lowered down to his arm and my body went heavy with sleep. Jacob's breath hitched and his arm shifted. I lifted my head and tried prying my eyes open.

"Vivianna? What are you doing?" He was barely awake.

I dropped my head down onto my hand that rested on the available space of the couch cushion, "You were dreaming about something. I went to wake you but…."

"Come here."

I opened my eyes to him adjusting and reaching out to me, I moved to lay down with him. I laid down on my side and felt my body melt into the couch as soon as I laid next to him and his body heat provided more heat than my blanket. Jacob wrapped an arm around me, and I pulled his arm closer and wrapped my hand around the back of his and tucked them under my chin. My eyes closed again, and I was asleep.

I woke up again to my heart started to pick up pace and a sharp shiver ran down my spine making me squeeze my thighs together. Oh, this is not the time, this is not the time for my hormones to start reacting… Reacting to what exactly?

I opened my eyes to a shirt and a chest, the arm under my head, I looked down without moving my head to fast. My eyes widened to Jacobs around my waist and my leg hiked around his waist. I hadn't squeezed my thighs together; I had pressed my hips closer to his and I could feel his bodies unconscious reaction as I continued to wake up. This is bad, this is so bad, how the hell did I wind up like this? Jacob's arm tightened around me, pulling me closer, he sighed heavily in his sleep. I stiffened for a few seconds, wondering what I should do.

Should I just go back to sleep or untangle myself from him without waking him? I was heading for the first option, I nervously edged closer to him and closed my eyes, his arm adjusted. My eyes opened again and went wide at the feel of his hand trailing down my back, my lower back and over my bum and to my hip and stopped on my thigh on his waist. I felt my lower stomach cramp and my heartbeat accelerated in my chest. I wanted him to do it again.

Maybe it was a good idea to have a night alone so I could've handled my hormones because right now I shouldn't be thinking about relieving myself. Wait, maybe that was a good idea. I started to gingerly untangle myself from Jacob, I moved my leg around his waist and then his arm tightened and his hand on my thigh moved, he rubbed my thigh near my bum. I closed my eyes, feeling my body reacting to him and the discomfort between my legs screaming for relief, I mentally scolded myself. Jacob stirred awake from the change to his breathing. I looked up at him, he was looking down at our bodies and met my eyes.

"Hi." He greets me groggily confused.

"Hi." My heart was fluttering in my chest.

Jacob removed his hand from his thigh, "Sorry."

"It's okay." I tucked my head towards his chest as he adjusted his leg.

"What time is it?"

"I don't know."

We didn't make any attempts to move. I was too scared to move and quite frankly I was thinking correctly.

"Jacob." I whispered.

He hummed.

I squeezed my eyes shut and gathered all of the courage within me to ask this next question. I don't know what's going to happen, but I was silently hoping to get some sexual relief and… I could either go to the bathroom or ask him… if he wanted to do things.

"Do you…" I lost about more than a third of my confidence, I bit my lip and continued, "Do you want to have sex?"

Silence.

"What?" All of the grogginess was gone from his tome, I could hear his next response, and I didn't know if I wanted to hear it.

Fucking idiot! I yelled at myself. "Nothing."

"Wait, what? What did you say?"

"Nothing. It was stupid."

"You want to have sex?"

My eyes opened and widened. Shit, he did hear me. Ah! Panic, all I felt was panic.

"Yes," I whispered, wishing I could smack myself right now.

"Okay."

Ah! What?! My eyes widened even more, stiffening in my fear. "What?"

"I said okay." He replied quietly.

"You're serious?" I stared at his shirt-clad chest in disbelief.

"Yes… we can do anything you want to."

"But you want to?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Holy shit."

"What?" Jacob shifted and I leaned back against the couch cushions.

"Nothing. I wasn't expecting that. I don't even know why I asked." I avoid eye contact, my fingers picking at the skin around my nails.

"I'm assuming you asked because you want to."

"I do." I met his gaze swiftly before looking anywhere but him. My heart was my enemy right now, I really wanted to be calm, but I wasn't calm for shit.

"Then… what's wrong?"

"Just… scared." I met his gaze, and I picked at the loose skin around my nails with my hands beginning to tremble.

"We can go slow and stop at any time."

"Okay," I murmured, my heartbeat started pounding against my ribcage demanding freedom.

I kept eye contact with him as he leaned towards me to kiss me. I met him halfway, my eyes closed at the first contact of our lips, my heart jumped in my chest as we pulled away. I was stuck there, stuck with my limps beginning to tremble, my right hand found his chest and rested there shivering as my fingers curled around the fabric. Jacob leaned back to me and kissed me again; the kiss had more pressure, and my breath was gone when the kiss was broken again.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jacob asked.

I nodded, "Yes."

His hand cupped my face, and he kissed me again, I kissed him back and the kiss deepened. My right hand went into his hair to pull him closer as I tightened my leg around his waist, his hand on my face left and went to my thigh, it slid down to my waist to pull me closer as he shifted his legs to press his hips into mine. I moaned softly against his lips and did it back, he pulled me closer and he grinded his hips into mine again. I slowly gained more confidence as it progressed and put in what I knew from my first sexual experience. I know what to do orally, I may have done that more than a few times just because I wanted to, I've only did it with one person. But doing it to Jacob was a whole different thing, I thought big dicks were myths, I don't where it's going but it wasn't going to fit in my tiny body compared to his tall stature. I've done oral sex plenty of times, but those times seemed… dull and… weak in… everything, every sensitive part of me was aflame, more sensitive than I've ever felt sexually aroused, the very feeling of him in mouth was like a million-dollar lollipop or popsicle stick.

I've been touched down there once by two things, fingers, and a penis, obviously, my grandmother had made that known and I have mentioned it. I do things to myself as I've mentioned but I've been touched by someone else once. I know that people make out and grind, and the neck kisses and inappropriate touching and it's nice, it's so nice and I never had done it before. My first kiss lead to my first time in the same day, it was definitely a bad judgement call now that I think because he never asked if I wanted to and if I really wanted to. Jacob did and I liked that, making sure that I really wanted to, and then I thought about Charlie, I opened my eyes and listened hard as Jacob kissed my throat and neck. I gasped for two reasons, one sexually explicit but doesn't matter at this point Jacobs fingers stopped rubbing my clit and I felt him slip one in, and two Charlie was coming home I can feel it, not now but soon. I would rather hear him yell my name downstairs then be caught again especially with a boy that should've been home hours ago.

He found a sweet spot on my neck that instantly released sounds from me and melted back into his molding, and my legs had widened to allow him more access.

"Upstairs." I moaned through my daze, he started sucking on that one spot, "We have to go upstairs." My voice was soft and distracted, my head fell towards the left and his pressure increased on my neck, and he had added a second finger while I spoke. "We have to take this upstairs," I said before I could just lose myself because I felt the break in barriers completely approaching.

Jacob detached from my neck and leaned up while removing his fingers from my body. He sighed heavily; he didn't want to stop by the look on his face. I didn't want to either, but we went upstairs with the clothes that had already been discarded. The bedroom door was locked, I wasn't going to make that mistake again. His head found its way between my legs when I got onto my bed and I was gone, all barriers were broken and I melted and retained everything that was done to me after his questions of what felt good or did not. He hovered me once I opened my legs to him again and I kept my eyes locked with him as he positioned himself. Oh, my shrink was going to have a fucking field day whenever I mustered up the courage to tell her about this.

His eyes scanned my face, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I nodded, smiling, "Yes."

The smile was to hide my nervousness, but I wanted to, I initiated it, I should be asking him that question.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked, my heart fluttering in my chest as I looked up at him.

"Yes, I do." Jacob clarified and leant down to me.

I met him halfway in the kiss and it stole my breath away before we shared a gaze of questions and answers before he pushed himself inside of me.