Mysteries of the Falls

Question: Where did the idea for the pre-teen WolfBoy come from?

"How can we rake in more cash?" Gruncle Stan asked as he counted the day's take. "What can I do to draw in more customers?"

"Have half-naked men dance for money," Wendy joked.

"Get Gerard from Bare Chested Werewolf to dance for me!" Mabel enthused, stars in her eyes.

"A new attraction," Soos suggested.

"This old rug is just so dusty!" Dipper complained as he came through the front room, almost wearing a large wolf skin pelt that he was taking outside to beat the dust off of.

Mabel and Wendy found their gazes following him, almost against their will.

Answer: It's a complete unknown. The one person who claimed they knew later retracted the statement, following an accident that left them with bruises shaped like an axe handle and rope burns of the type used with grappling guns.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Question: When is it inappropriate to dress your grandnephew in an entertaining outfit?

Dipper danced as the tourists tossed money at him. He really hated being forced to dress up as the pre-teen wolf boy for the Mystery Shack. He was sixteen years old, enough was enough! He had to admit that it did draw in the tourists for some reason. Still, it was really demeaning and the way some of the women looked at him was creepy!

After the crowds had left and Dipper had swept up all the cash, he headed to the front where they were counting up the take for the day.

"Dang, Dipster," Mabel said with a whistle, "that's a lot of cash."

Dipper dropped it on the counter and frowned. "Hold on." He pulled out a number of bills that had been stuffed into the bottom half of his costume. "Some of the tourists are kinda grabby."

Mabel and Wendy exchanged glances.

Dipper checked himself again, finding a couple more bills, some slips of paper, and two motel room keys. "Ok, now I'm done."

Answer: When women start stuffing money in his shorts.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Question: Dipper and Mabel have both been possessed, are there any side effects?

"So thirsty!" Mabel moaned in her sleep as she dreamed she was crossing the Sierra desert. A glass of water floated in from the bathroom to Mabel's questing hand. She quickly gulped down half the glass before dropping the glass to the floor and spilling water everywhere.

Dipper climbed out of bed, grumbling about Mabel's clumsiness as the translucent, half-awake boy soaked up the water with a discarded sock puppet before tossing it in the laundry and climbing back in bed, where his sleeping body still laid.

Answer: Not that anyone has noticed.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Question: What did Waddles do to make that blonde girl want to marry Soos?

Soos turned to face the camera. "I wish I knew," he said with a shrug. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get some medicated shampoo."

Answer: Censored by Disney executives.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Question: What happened to Sev'ral Timez?

Sev'ral Timez vanished one morning and it's commonly believed they were eaten by a bear.

Multi-bear faced the camera and shrugged. "I don't recall eating them, and I doubt my friend did, but it's not like they're Babba. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a concert I want to see in Vegas."

How're you going to get there?

"My friend knows how to drive," Multi-bear said as he hurried outside to hop in a police car.

Answer: It's a mystery!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Question: Why did Bipper call Grenda a monster?

"Can we have a food pellet?" the blond man asked.

"It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again," Grenda called down into the pit.

"You aren't really starving them, are you?" Candy asked Grenda.

"Nah, I just like watching them rub lotion on each other."

"And the hose?" Candy asked.

"They like to play in the water," Grenda assured her.

The pair watched the boy band rub lotion on themselves with large smiles.

"Is there room for one more down there?" Candy asked.

Answer: Who knows why Bill does anything? In an unrelated note, "Puppet Crazy" Gabe has been reported missing. If anyone has any information on his disappearance, please contact the Gravity Falls Police Department.

Note: The Gravity Falls PD are currently searching the town on foot as their patrol car has been requisitioned by Dr. Medicine for an indeterminate amount of time.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Question: Why was Dipper itchy?

"Lycanthropy," Mabel said, putting on her serious face.

"Bug bites," Dipper replied. "I think the wolf boy outfit Gruncle Stan made has fleas."

"His voice is getting more growly, he's growing fur, he's developed strange appetites," Mabel listed off.

"That's just called puberty, Mabel," Wendy offered.

"And it's hard to grow hair when someone keeps plucking them out with tweezers and adding them to her scrap book!" Dipper growled.

"Before this summer," Mabel said, holding her hands about four inches apart. "And now," she continued, holding her hands about a foot apart.

Wendy stared at Dipper in shock.

"She's talking about the amount I eat of a meatball sub," Dipper said quickly.

"His craving for animal flesh is through the roof!" Mabel exclaimed.

Dipper stalked off, annoyed.

Answer: Jury's still out on that one.

Typing by: Ordieth