Welcome to Aurora Bistro
Beatrice: (looks up) oh wow!!! Hello, you look new, how'd you hear about us?
Liana: probably from someone with terrible taste. Or some taste buds they did have, left-
Sabrina: ooh, you cute. Let's keep this one, I have a good feeling about them.
Beatrice: me too. Sorry…your probably wondering who we are…we are the hostess here at Aurora Bistro, I personally have a love for greeting people-
James: and insulting people, when she doesn't get her way-
Beatrice: get away from the stand James. Step back-
James: or what? What are you going to do?
Beatrice: call you Leslie for the rest of your life, or by your childhood nickname that your mother gave to you.
James: ok, ok, I'm back. I'm stepping far away from you. Just don't say anything about my name. (looks at you) why hello there, names James. You don't suppose you have any idea on how to run far away from here do you?
Illannoy: I'll make you run for miles and a day there shallow water, start being useful and run food for your table. (looks at you) you could use for a better server. B, set them up with our best. Or one who won't cause an issue. We need new people.(walks away)
Beatrice: ok. Anyways, welcome to Aurora Bistro. If you could? Follow me to your table, I'll get you settled in. (walks over to the table) here you are.
Rosy: B, who is serving this new customer?
Beatrice: Otto.
Rosy: oh, you poor thing. I wish I could help you.
Beatrice: he's not entirely terrible.
Rosy: *smirks* well, welcome to the all Scharacters favorite hangout spot, for sad, happy, or even random days; The Aurora Bistro, we hope that you all feel welcomed at our place and we would love to have you here ordering from our menu, more so now than ever, cause we would love to have you as our regular, anytime, any day…of course if you have the money-
Geronimo: (walks past) oh for Pete sakes Rosy, put that attitude on hold and the sass back into a locked box, I am not about to have you out here insulting guests and customers because you have an issue with working. Hello, sorry about that-
Rosy: I wasn't having an attitude, I was simply greeting our guest, and making them feel like a regular, without the insults and usual fights. They should be blessed. I even paid attention to them, that should be worth a bonus upgrade-.
Astride: (rolling past) if we all can't get an upgrade in pay, then you can suffer with the rest of us princess-
Rosy: go call someone else princess Astride. I already have a work wife.
Geronimo: don't you have other tables to pay attention to?
Rosy: I am serving a bunch of crappy customers, Geronimo, I have given them the attention they deserved-
Geronimo: they deserved it?
Rosy: Yeah…Why not give them a mutual service?
Geronimo: It's not proper restaurant etiquette to make other people miserable because it is miserable? And you are miserable.
Rosy: But I like the misery of other people. Also, (Looks at you) don't tip Otto too much. Giving him money makes all the power go to his head.
Geronimo: for once…I agree.
Rosy: I'm right on everything-
Geronimo: And I'd like a better pay. But we can't have everything now can we?
Rosy: ugh!!!
Geronimo: yeah, yeah. Be nice, have a better attitude. (Looks at you) If you need anything, don't hesitate to send for me-
Margaret: use him for a reason we all are good to you, not a complaint box. Also, Asvamandum brought the grill into the kitchen with skewers, again.
Geronimo: oh no!!! (runs to the kitchen)
Rosy: wow. This always happen, we just hope it doesn't scare you away-
George: What's the deal on your rosette? Is it non GMO or organic?
Rosy: The menu has all the information on the page…stop asking me-
George: yeah, but I want it to be both Non-GMO and Organic.
Rosy: I hate it here. Otto!!! Come get your table!!!
Otto: (runs over) I'm so sorry, I was checking in with the kitchen about an item. I can tell you it is hot in there-
(a burst of fire catches through the kitchen doors)
Skipper: get the damn Grill out of my Kitchen As!!! Or I will grill your backside to charcoal and use it as fuel for my next dish!!!
Asvamandum: (runs out with his sleeve on fire grabbing the fire extinguisher) fire in the hole!!!
Geronimo: don't throw the extinguisher at the fire!!! Do you not know how to use this?
Asvamandum: (runs back out and grabs a bucket of water)
Geronimo: don't throw the bucket on the fire, As!!!
Otto: That's normal here. Anyways let's start over, Hi!!! I am Otto, I will be your server for tonight at Aurora Bistro. Most people call me "The Flames of Fist"
Tiger: …Yo Flames of Fist? Your backsides on fire.
Otto: it is? (looks back) oh!!!! (runs around the restaurant)
Tiger: I'm not a server, but do you care for something strong to drink? Cause I can tell you, this…this is going to be a long night.
hosstess Staff
Rumor Has It your the one He's leaving you for.
Margret: oh my gosh, did you hear about Thistle?
Liana: oh my goodness, who hasn't, girl should've just dumped him the moment she saw the red flags, but instead she married him because he has money and bought her a diamond ring only for it to be fake-
Sabrina: That's what I call a scam.
Liana: and her side piece?
Margret: more of a red flag than him.
Liana: she surrounds herself with fakers.
Sabrina: She says she's there for the good stuff, but looking at their eating habits, you might as well choke on a string bean in order to have a good time.
Liana: The girl lies like a dog. She might as well look for her love in a cockroach that's sitting in the corner of her room pitying her life choices.
Margret: born to be her baby daddy at this point.
Rosy: (walks past them) born to want a baby daddy at this point.
Liana: nah girl, she could merry a bush and it can hold a flag-
Rosy: op!!!
Liana: (turns to the line) Hi, welcome, how many am I seating?
Allen: (so tired beyond repair) party of 8…hold on…let me see the menu.
Liana: (gives a menu) of course.
Allen: (reads the description)
Description: "family over 6 will be charged with a minimal eating fee"
Allen: …Dante, Caroline. go back and sit in the car and stay there.
Reggie: go on get.
Allen: party of 5.
Liana: right this way if you could? (turns and mouths) "I'll be back, give me juicy deets."
(once out of ear shot)
Margret: You saw his wife? Girl!!!
Rosy: That's not his wife, but rather his ex.
Margret: Oh my gosh. Every week is a new ex of his and the family-
Rosy: You saw the bags under those eyes?
Margret: Maybe if he stopped putting his bags into other people, he'll get sleep, and stop coming in with those "make up for being a bad parent" dates.
Sabrina: no way girl, you heard about that too? You should hear about his new boo. She's got a degree in being a yeller in lawyery. Not to mention that her eating habits make her sound like she's loud and quiet at all the right times.
Margret: starve your kids, and deprive your d-
Rosy: ok, but like who asked this man to be a dad? Nobody, right? So what is he doing going around sleeping with a lawyer?
Margaret: 50 bucks says it's his divorce lawyer.
Sabrina: my bets on it being his custody lawyer.
Rosy: *wiggles her eyebrows* ladies…you are absolutely nasty.
Margret: oh come on-
Tiger: hello ladies-
Margret: Tiger!!! guess what new on "What'd your ex do this time?" Game.
Tiger: I am here to pick up my order, not delegate in your rumor congress train.
Sabrina: it's papa Madalious.
Tiger: oh. Yeah no. That's a train I'm going to hop off of.
Rosy: Ah!!! you're no fun.
Geronimo: Rosy!!! Get yourself out of the Hostess stand and do your job. You too Margret!!! Break time is over.
Rosy: But I was Ringing up Tiger's Order. And ordered pick up-
Geronimo: Your table is literally flagging me down for ice!!!
Rosy: see G, your right, but he eats like there's no tomorrow-
Geronimo: get to it now!!!
Margret: …
Geronimo: You too Margret. If you got time to River Taddy, you got time to up and Tidy.
Margret: That makes no sense.
Geronimo: Sure, but what makes sense is you getting to work.
Tiger: Rumor has it, you're the one he's leaving me for.
Part2-Rumor Has it oooh
Ramone: (comes in) hey Sabrina. Is there a table I can book for 7?
Sabrina: yeah. Of course. Hey, since you're waiting, do you mind letting me tell you about what I found out?
Ramone: Is this because everyone here is dull to talk about these issues with?
Sabrina: Yes, my favorite gossiping people are almost all on different shifts.
Ramone: Tiger?
Sabrina: got put on the night shift.
Ramone: Rosy?
Sabrina: Breakfast Club at this point, along with James.
Ramone: Margret?
Sabrina: she takes night shifts since she's still going to school.
Ramone: Jessica?
Sabrina: ever since she's been put on the menu construction team, she spends all her time in the back, crafting new desserts. I only see her if she's taste testing…and you know how she gets when it comes to her pride and joy?
Ramone: true.
Sabrina: so?
Ramone: you really don't have anyone else to turn to? What about Asvamandum?
Sabrina: ever since he became a step father, he is constantly there for the kids.
Ramone: You're about to be a mama.
Sabrina: I know. But I also want to have some good juicy gossip.
Ramone: What about your husband? What's his name-?
Sabrina: *chuckles* Do you think Lobster is capable of finding good gossip? He works in the kitchen as a cook for a crabby piece of horse dung, the only gossip he does is the one we hear from Japan and back.
Ramone: …?
(Skipper and Jess's voice)
Jessica: What happened to all the fruits?
Skipper: the people at table 4 wanted something for their breakfast this morning. And since you weren't here, I couldn't ask what sort of fruits I could use. So I gave them all something.
Jessica: (slowly smiles) you…*chuckles*
Sabrina: …oh no…
Ramone: …oooh.
Jessica: You used the special fruits, like dragon fruits, for breakfast?
Skipper: …hmmm…see…if I answer…I feel it will be bad on my end. so…I'mma just go on a wim, and tell you…that Lobster and Holmer, thought it would be smart to use the fruits.
Lobster: I don't want to be thrown under the bus man. It's too steamy and hot under the engine.
Holmer: I still have a ribeye to cook up.
Skipper: and I would like my head still on my neck by the end of today!!! So shut up and take the heat of the problem.
Jessica: …I see.
Skipper: …!!?!??!?!
Lobster: …!!!?!?
Holmer: (bracing for impact) …?
Ramone: totally random…but…if Jessica, where to stay steamy but she never actually blows…like she's very calm…would that be her exacting revenge?
Sabrina: It just might be exactly her plan…look at us being the best talk shop on the planet?
Ramone: nope.
Sabrina: please? I need some drama in my life!!! I am bored out of my mind in the afternoons.
Ramone: What about Beatrice?
Sabrina: she is in Cacos visiting her other family.
Ramone: how many family members does she have?
Sabrina: who actually knows. She might just be using that story to clever up her being a spy for the Russian government or something?
(with Beatrice)
Beatrice: (kicks a vent down) I am in the Crosswaver's house. Have you dismantled their security yet?
James: No. Give me a minute.
Beatrice: Gosh damn it James I am ready to blow this popsicle stand!!! Move your thumbs and twidle them faster!!!
James: I am trying. But with you always on the other end yelling at me to do this, I get really can't focus well-
Beatrice: Would you like me to call you a sore, sucky loser for the rest of your life in a monotone voice, James? Cause I can and I will.
James: …shut up.
Mom: James!!! Sweaty please come down for dinner-
Beatrice: Is that your mother?
James: …
Beatrice: Is she calling you down for dinner?
James: …when you say it like that, I fear.
Beatrice: You should. If you leave me in this house james. I will end you, and I will call your mother names. So…who are you going to listen to? Me, or your pigtail hot adorable troglodyte?
James: stop calling my mother an adorable troglodyte.
Beatrice: You want me to call her the S word? Cause I will.
James: …if you were anyone else, I would've made fun of you for sounding like a 5 year old calling another person stupid. But…
Beatrice: (imagines glaring at James through the headphone headset)
James: …
Darcy: Beatrice Sweety, come down for dinner!!!
Beatrice: ugh!!!
Darcy: if you don't come down in 6 minutes, I will shut off your access to the wifi for the rest of the week!!!
Beatrice: coming mother!!!
James: *chuckles* Mama Darcy's calling…
Beatrice: yeah, that's what I thought. Run to your mama little pup, cause you know, she can't save you.
(Back with the bistro)
Ramone: yeah. Highly doubt that. She's too sweet.
Sabrina: That is true. Such a much nicer hostess. Which is why she wouldn't participate in gossiping.
Ramone: ok…Oscar?
Sabrina: (looks at her) really? You know that most of the tea is on the two of those empty headspace's right-?
Ramone: yeah, but they have some good information on people.
Sabrina: I highly doubt those two congregate or have good information. Half the time I'm certain they have questionable answers and play nerdy games like DND or something.
Ramone: you won't know unless you try.
Server Staff
Margret: (comes into the kitchen) Skipper!!! I need a steak that is not spitting pink-
Skipper: What do you mean you need a steak that's not pink?
Margret: I don't know the name for it, but the customer is complaining that when they cut into the meat, it was pink. So could you cook it back up again so I can take it to them?
Skipper: didn't they order rare?
Margret: I don't know. That's what I heard.
Skipper: Are you telling me they want to take it back and make me cook it more?
Margret: yes, they don't want the pink.
Skipper: …did you write down rare when they said medium rare?
Margret: Is that where the meat doesn't look like a breeding ground for manilla?
Skipper: yes!!
Margret: oh…ok…well they said rare.
Skipper: you've got to be kidding!!! Let me talk to em-
Rosy: Hold on, you're going to go up to the customer and ask? Like…you? (looks him up and down) in that safe?
Skipper: Got a problem Rosy posy? Cause I can strangle you with my hairnet if the issue is with my indecent for human society looks.
Rosy: I'm sorry, I just don't understand why you should embarrass yourself even more just for someone who orders steak.
Skipper: steak that they took back!!! I am about to throw hands with someone whether it be people or this hog nose know-nothing-but they stick up their hoo ha!!!
Margret: Someone is feeling cheeky.
Skipper: Listen to me closely Marge, if they say that they said Medium Rare, I am coming back here and hanging you from Liana's lemon tree.
Margret: Yes sir. But if I'm right?
Skipper: I'm throwing the steak in their face. (storms out of the kitchen)
Rosy: You totally made this happen on purpose.
Margret: me causing drama? Never, that's a "you thing" Rosy. (walks away) now, let's not bat this in the bud, drama is about to happen. And steak is about to be thrown.
(in the dining area)
Skipper: it is a damn Medium Rare!!! If you wanted to have it without the pink then you should've told your waitress to make it Medium Rare!!!
Landen: Why are you yelling at my girlfriend? Don't you know how rude you sound?
Skipper: rude? Sir? Rude? You want to talk about rude? How about the fact that your girlfriend should study up on the different choices of cooked steak!!?!!? It takes no more than 5 minutes, or you could listen to the lists of different cook types of your steak that your waitress was obligated to tell you!!!
Landen: What if our waiter didn't tell us anything? Huh?
Skipper: What do you mean?
Landen: What if we never heard her say what steak type we wanted?
Skipper: …did she ask you "would you like, rare, medium rare, lightly broiled, honey glazed broiled, or burnt to the damn crisp like a scorpion's shell?!!?!"
Hannah: I heard Rare, Medium rare and honey glazed, I don't think I heard burnt and the other one you said-
Skipper: oh? Really?
Hannah: yeah.
Skipper: (looks at Landen) and you still ordered rare!!?!?!
Landen: well, we thought it would be-
Skipper: (goes into the kitchen and comes out with their steak and slaps it in the dudes face) you like that? I can re-cook it for you to medium rare, but slapping your lying, smug face seems to fulfill my steak quota!!! "Misery of my enemies is my true Satisfaction" that is my motto!!
Geronimo: What's happening over here? Why is Skip outside of his vicinity? And assaulting a customer is highly inappropriate, rude, uncultured, and irresponsible.
Skipper: ah, wow, wow now, I have the right to-
Geronimo: no, You're going to go back into the kitchen and redo everything for these people, they will be given better service (looks at Margret and Rosy) and whatever they order will be on the house, as well as cooked and baked properly, do I make myself clear?
Everyone: …
Skipper: fine.
Geronimo: now…Skip, apologize, Margret, you too, and Rosy? Go serve your table, if I get flagged down to bring out water to your section again, I am going to put you in my cousin's bull riding derby in a closed pin and let you figure out your headache for the rest of your life.
Rosy: You know, I was just existing to exist, you shouldn't be coming after me, I'm not the one who grabbed a juicy fruity steak and slapped it in someone's face.
Geronimo: your section, now!!!
Rosy: fine. (looks at Cecil) would you like something other than popcorn?
Cecil: more drama with the side of those large mozzarella sticks.
Rosy: You're easier to please than most.
Cecil: that's because most have sticks up their gluteal and a short life span.
Part 2
Beatrice: ok, Rosy? You're in charge of sections 6, 12, 3, 7.
Rosy: What is wrong with you and not putting the sections in order?
Beatrice: well, the customers who came by are regulars, you want me to tell them to come over in order? You want me to tell them "that because of Rosy needing to control things, she would like you to have numbers and sections be in order, so come and give me your ticket…woops sorry, your number 6? guess you can't sit because we have to wait for 3 to come in to make Rosy's life convenient."
Rosy: …why are you so angry tonight? And you can't blame me if it's because you're dating a crappy boyfriend, with a crappy game.
Beatrice: go away before I get Geronimo on your tail-
Rosy: Oh no, I'm so scared.
Beatrice: or I can ask Shark to cut a lock of your hair.
Rost: I'm going, just leave my hair out of this!!!
Beatrice: ok, Oscar, your in charge of the Edwardian table and the victoria secret table-
Oscar: ok cool.
James: B, what are you putting Oscar in charge of the two yellers for?
Beatrice: their on opposite ends of the restaurant-
James: doesn't keep them from going 7 octaves higher to prove a point to the rest of Manhattan.
Beatrice: I don't know James, I don't know why people wake up and choose violence, I don't know why everyone are constantly ready to throw hands with cops sober, and drink out of hookah flasks, and keg jugs in the middle of the street after running around naked for 10 days. I am not other people, and I sure hope I never will be. So no, I don't know what is going through people's minds, I don't know why Oscar is in charge of them, all I know is that they exist like pains in my butt and they are in Oscar's section tonight. So for the sake of both of us. Let's hope they can exchange pleasantries without seeing each other. And gosh Damn it James, cut your eye contact with me. Your eyes make me want to punch you!!!
James: ok. Am I allowed to ask what sections I'll be serving? Or do you not know that either?
Beatrice: do not tempt me, james, because I will end your life, not just because I know where you live, but because I know who your secret girlfriend is,
James: really?
Beatrice: joel-
James: (glares at her) you leave my girlfriends name out of your ugly mouth-
Bearice: ok Will smith, leave my looks away from the world, or I will crash your world down in seconds.
James: fine. My section? What is it?
Beatrice: you're taking over section 9.
James: only section nine?
Beatrice: That's what it says right on my list.
James: What does Margaret have?
Beatrice: she's taking tomorrow's shift, today's her day off.
James: what!?!?
Beatrice: You heard me, didn't you?or are you going deaf again?
James: haha. But if Margret is gone…can I have her section?
Beatrice: I mean, sure, I was going to give it to Otto, but he's running late, and clocked to have midnight shift.
James: Is it a yes or no?
Beatrice: get out of my face, you kissing Joel-
James: ok!!! I'm going, I'm going!!!
Part 3 (Routine in the Night; Twenty one Pilots)
Astride: Coming through Tiger!!! I am on a tight schedule!!!
Oscar: Aren't you always though?
Astride: shut it Oscar!!!
Oscar: no, no, you're right.
Otto: she is a scary woman.
Oscar: could take your life out with her laser eyes.
James: A lady on roller skates isn't a scary person. Besides Astride watches My Little Pony and bubble guppies in her free time.
Tiger: You're talking to a bunch of toddlers who are scared of their own shadow. Literally.
Oscar: We are scared of everybody.
Tiger: it's the way of nature.
James: No it's not, just grow some pairs and live a little.
Tiger: Are you going to change them? You know that changing them to be like you, would mean this bistro is going to go down in history.
James: Yes I am. I want to change their routine a little.
Tiger: "walk the layout, routine in the night, some people will say 'stay out,' or spray paint it on a sign.
While the world turns around, take a stroll through the streets, tapping the word to the ground, we're all still asleep."
James: What are you singing right now? And why can't it be from the original song-?
Tiger: oh? Fan of twenty one pilots, huh?
James: no, who is that? First of all I know you, you sing different words to semi decent or terrible songs and make them significantly worse. I still am scared about your "Bear Necessities" bit you did last week.
Tiger: I don't remember that bit.
James: I remember it, it shook me to the boots-
Otto: (shakes his head at James)
James: …wha-
Otto: Hey, Tiger? I see you have a Mrs Millgagamoy here for you to cater to.
Tiger: Oh yeah. Thank you Otto. I almost would've lost a shop with such an amazing fashion designer. (walks away)
James: otto? What was that about?
Otto: ok, Tiger doesn't always sing just for other people's desires. He does it because there is something wrong with him and other people.
James: What are you spouting on about?
Otto: Have you heard about the rumors?
James: What rumors?
Oscar: oh yeah, the one that Tiger is an ex-psyche Warden?
Otto: yup. The reason for him singing is to keep from snapping at some random point and ending a person's life.
James: What are you talking about?
Oscar: listen to us, Tiger seems like your typical friendly, neighborhood guy, but bam, pow, wam!!! He's a psychopathic time warden, the man once was on death row-
Otto: went by the name Octogenarian. And was put in the slammers, he sometimes was named the whiskey whistler back in the 80's cause he would drink his whiskey fresh off the tap and smash his glass into the heads of his victims while whistling, whistle baby on repeat. The last sound anyone hears before they fall into eternal slumber.
Oscar: the only reason he hasn't been caught is because of the fact that he's been getting his face redone by surgeons.
James: (nods his head) ok. Next you're going to tell me that his personality is like venom on steroids.
Oscar: You think we're joking, don't you?
James: You sound crazy. Tiger being a mass media sensation? Sure that would really hit the books.
Tiger: (in the background whistling whistle baby)
Bartender Staff (Bare Necessities toon, because I love Jungle Book)
Tiger: you got the, greatest thing you see, a perfect attitude I want to kick with my knee
A solitude of imbeciles knocking down my life,
Oh what a greatest life you have, uniforms and small amounts of cash
Take my heart and stabbed it with a knife!!!
Wherever I wonder, Wherever I roam,
I keep on finding my life destroyed,
There should be cages made for imbeciles like you, & you,
No one can compare to the truest brutes,
When you look under the rocks and plants,
I hope you'll get fired for not wearing pants.
But maybe this is it,
(looks in the mirror) the Greatest things in life will come to you.
They'll come to you? (continues humming)
James: What's wrong with Tiger?
Rosy: Isac put him in charge of night shift duty for Thursdays now. And some regular by the name Melton shows up with his husband. Tiger and the husband are great, but he and Melton are like rabid beasts on steroids.
James: You mean poker night with the regulars?
Rosy: no, even better, he and Melton had a bet going and he lost so now the two of them are on battlegrounds.
James: You're saying that they're enemies?
Rosy: Yes, James. Get with the program.
James: I'm just confirming-
Rosy: Why am I repeating myself all the time just for you to confirm something?
James: cause it's fun making you suffer.
Rosy: Whatever James.
James: so…the song is about this Melton Character?
Rosy: yup.
James: is he the one that has perfect jawline and if looks could kill and was a person, this was he?
Rosy: yup.
James: but the song that tiger is singing isn't even about the dude-
Rosy: just wait-
Tiger: Look for the people with hair like they were caught in a breeze, the perfect time for opportunities,
every time I look around I think how did they allow you in?
Guess the border patrol was high that day, scotch some wine, and some chartanee
Who ever knows how they let you in the states.
Whatever they were on dear, whyever you got here,
All I know is, they should send you back.
And when I mean back there, I mean your mother's womb
So go get the…tack.
Whatever liqueurs in the air, people should really down you there,
So if you take a look under a bolder or two,
I wouldn't mind if you really do,
So maybe…get a clue.
The greatest things like that in life will come to you…
They'll come to you.
Rosy: (looks at him) well?
James: That's morbid…I wish to never be on Tigers ' bad side.
Part 2
Isaac: Welcome back, to Aurora Bistro Bar, what can we get you?
Richy: vodka Martini with a dash of margarita with a maraschino cherry.
Issac: Are you planning to get drunk?
Richy: I'm planning to drink under the sheets with my husband when he's done flirting with Tiger.
Melton: Tiger.
Tiger: Melton.
Melton: I see your mother allowed you out of your cage again, and to interact with the general population. Should I call the zoo to come get their missing predator?
Tiger: that depends, should I call Michagian to come get their melting snowman?
Melton: not if I call animal control to come get their wild beast.
Tiger: not if I call the polar ice caps that we found their melting glaciers.
Melton: cat's are known for being too curious, mind telling me what the middle of the sentence is to "curiosity _the Cat"?
Tiger: Not if you tell me what happened to Frosty the Snowman. Tell me…did you ever find out what it was that happened to him at the end of every christmas?
Melton: I could, but we both are in the same boat at this point.
Tiger: tell your mother she is an offspring of an ogre.
Melton: tell your mother she wishes she was as pretty as an ogre.
Tiger: tell your father that he's amazing and that he bred the ugliest pack of camel children in all of history.
Melton: Tell your dad I hope he gets better, and that his children should learn to cut back unless they want to end up in the hospital for poor health decisions.
Tiger: tell your siblings to stay out of my way, or I will hamlet them and make it better.
Melton: tell your sister to keep her paws off my brother if she wishes to not have a Juliet Romeo fate.
Tiger: Tell your future bloodline that if they ruin my life, they should know a bit about macbeth.
Melton: Tell your issues you call "your children," that if they come over to my house and mark up my curtains again, I am going to declaw them, spade & nurture them for the second time.
Tiger: keep my cat's out of your mouth-
Melton: ironic that a tiger should have cat's, trying to build hairball allergy and end the population allergic to those flee bags.
Tiger: if it included you, then yes.
Richy: Gosh, my husband is so hot.
Part 3
Tiger: Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeene!!! I'm begging of you please do take my shift!!! Jolene, Jolene, jolene, joleeene!!! Please take it because my section has some witch!!! Your beauty is beyond compare with your sapphire eyes and Obsidian Hair, with rose peach dancing on your cheek and Flavour in the color green, you have dimples on either side of your smile, your voice like melodic angels, oh please I'm begging of you Jolene.
Jolene: Tiger, shut up. I will do your section, but whatever money I make is yours, whatever money you make from my section is my money.
Tiger: That's all I need to hear. Thank you mama Bear.
Jolene: (walks to the first table) hello sugar snap, how might I help you today?
Walter: Give me one of your Mouse Drinks and keep 'em coming. Imma need to get my doctor off my tail about my diet.
Jolene: does your diet consist of liquor and a highly flammable intestine?
Walter: burnable like acids.
Jolene: I'll make you a mocktale.
Walter: Is the tail mocking people? Like how my life makes a mockery of me.
Jolene: Sure sweetie.
(With the other section)
Jolene: hi Sweetheart, how might I help you?
Dotty: don't you dare call me sweetheart!!! I am your boss!!! (Falls off the bar stool) I am a highly dignified woman!!!
Jolene: I'm certain you are sugar plum.
Dotty: don't call me sugar plum!!
Jolene: Would you prefer me to call you hairball?
Dotty: Why so?
Jolene: because you're on the floor with a lot of dirt, dust and grime. If I called you Sugar plum, it garanties a chance of staying nieve of what you are lying on. So hairball or Sugar Plum?
Dotty: *sniffles* sugar plum.
Jolene: Now there you go dear. Now take your time getting up off the dirty floor and order. Doesn't make any difference to me what you order. Just get me to do something for you-
Dotty: like a slave?
Jolene: …no hun. Like a server. I am a bartender and I make all my pretty petty friends drink when at the bar.
Dotty: but this is a normal booth-
Jolene: What you're lying on is a normal floor.
Dotty: (gets up and sits in the booth) this is a booth.
Jolene: You're right, sugar pie, it is a booth. But at 12:00-8:00 at night the bistro becomes a bar.
Dotty: That is indecent. I want food.
Jolene: I'm sure at 8:00 you can have some food.
Dotty: (glares at her)
Jolene: or, I can have Asvamandum make you something real quick for ya. You like the sound of that?
Dotty: where is your menu?
Jolene: don't you worry about that dear, Asvamandum is one of our retired 5 star and finest chefs around the world. He has even Gordon Ramsey beat.
Dotty: I don't care if this person is an all star MBA Player, I want to see the ingredients and what you use in the meal. Or I can come in there personally.
Jolene: I'll go get you the menu.
(After an hour)
Jolene: are you almost done?
Dotty: do not rush me, this place doesn't close till 8:00 and it is only 1:45. So shut up and let me order.
Jolene: right…(walks over to where Tiger is) this section, I am not taking it again if she's here.
Tiger: she's-
Jolene: been here for an hour and 45 minutes, making us, make her every single item on the menu, bringing it out so she can sample it only to have her say the consistency isn't right. How can "soup be too hot?" Because ma'am, it is soup.
Tiger: yup that sounds about right.
Jolene: not to mention, she said the drink she ordered isn't supposed to be too hot and cold…what would you have me do, make a Bloody Mary out of orange slices and a cherry soda? It's a flipping Bloody Mary, you didn't want it, you should've just ordered a bottle of ketchup and put it in a vodka or martini instead. Rich people these days.
Dotty: can you bring me the dessert menu-
Jolene: I will fish out your eyes and shove them down your throat you mother trucking county road fair, and that'll be your dessert-
Dotty: what are you yapping your gums for? Go do your job and get me my menu-
(3 seconds later)
Jolene: (kicks Dotty out of the door) you are black listed from the bar. Bistro can have you, but I sure won't.
Dotty: wha-?
Jolene: (Slams the door in her face) ugh!!!
Walter: (falls off the chair) can I have another monkey?
Dotty: it's a Mouse, and no, your black listed from drinking till late in the night after drinking your day away.
Walter: awe…
Part 4- Cute names
Tiger: (walks to the bar) Asvamandum!!! What is up my dude?
Asvamandum: I need some…(looks at his chart) drink for table 6 called whiskey Fire. They also want a Corona.
Tiger: So they want a Covid-19? Can't give em that.
Asvamandum: no…like the beer drink.
Tiger: Yeah, we call that drink that in the bar industry.
Asvamandum: oh!!! Ok. well why can't you make the drink?
Tiger: because we don't serve it here.
Asvamandum: but the person I'm at the table says he had one before.
Tiger: Who served him last time?
Asvamandum: Rosy.
Tiger: oh…hold on a minute. (walks over to Rosy) Rosy? What'd you do to make that Covid?
Rosy: Tiger, stop going around calling it covid, it's not called that in the Bar industry.
Tiger: chill. Tell me what you did.
Rosy: That's a secret that I shall only share with Jessica and my grave.
Tiger: I'll ask Jessica. And get her to tell me. I hear she tells anyone anything they want to hear when in a fit. And from the looks of things-
Both: (watches as a saucer comes flying through the kitchen doors)
Tiger: things are getting heated-
Rosy: fine, tell anyone and I will end you.
Tiger: bingo bango. Just put anyone up with me and I'll make their drink of their choice. A good substitute for the palate.
Rosy: please shut up.
(Some time later)
James: Mama Bear-
Jolene: what's up James, what you need sugar?
James: some girl wants a Taquila Sunrise. And the other a bramble.
Jolene: oh!!! The Sunrise and the Candy Man?
James: the what?
Jolene: you know, it's a drink that is sweet like sugar but it is perfect for any man with bad luck with a drink that taste too fruity?
James: the what?
Jolene: listen hun, I'll make it for ya.
(Some time later)
Astride: Snag tooth and Bitter Mitch for table 4. Glossy white and Blue clues for table 17 and a chocolate twist with a Blackpearl on man down the bar.
Isaac: cool beans. One Taquila cocktail, and a Anagortura on table 4, Jolene. Tiger get me on some ROB with some expresso shots and Moscow mule with Tangerine's for table 17. Hold on…sorry the second one of the second order should be a blue raspberry lemonade with googly eyes sticking on it in a sippy cup for table 17. And for our boy down the bar, cut him off, he's been drinking half our bar to the tap. Anymore and I will make him work for his pay.
Jolene: gotcha, sugar margarita.
Isaac: thank you, Paloma.
James: hey, can someone make a carona, or something? My table wants one…actually a few tables want one-
Jolene: sure sugarsnap, I'll get Tiger to make 'em covids for ya.
(an hour later)
James: Hey, Tiger!!! What the heck is wrong with half of the drinks?
Tiger: What do you mean?
James: people are complaining that they taste about as bad as a beer in a freezer-
Tiger: You can't put beer in a freezer.
James: yeah.
Tiger: because the beer would blow up.
James: yes.
Tiger: so making the analogy of taste makes no sense-
James: I wasn't making a taste analogy, I was trying to make a point that people wouldn't want to clean up the mess of a beer exploding. So I say why like the taste of a terrible tasting drink?
Tiger: …ok…I'll remake the drink. What was it?
James: something called a covid?
Tiger: oh!!! Yeah. yeah, no.
James: Why not?
Tiger: I forgot how to make it. But you can ask Jessica to make it.
James: Jess works in the kitchen and is fighting her head off with Skipper-
Tiger: she's not scary, James, grow some balls and go talk to her.
James: you've obviously never gotten punched, kicked or almost ran over by a road raging, or hormonal raged Jessica.
Tiger: fine, I'll go talk to her then.
(In the kitchen)
Skipper: stop throwing things Jess!!!
Lobster: cool.
Skipper: stop encouraging her-
Lobster: encouraging her would be, "go for the throat!!!" but I didn't say that-
Jessica: (throws a plate close to skippers throat) thanks Lobster, you're not completely useless.
Lobster: no problem-
Skipper: don't take the compliment, your completely useless-
Holmer: for you maybe-
Skipper: continue grilling steak and cheese balls, Holmer, Or I will grill your southern half with them.
Holmer: …good to know.
Tiger: Hey Jess? You think you can help a-(gets a plate thrown at his face)
(a good minute later Tiger walks out of the kitchen)
Tiger: You don't suppose you have a bandage on hand with ya do ya?
James: …no.
Managers
Asvamandum: oh my gosh!!! Does anyone know anything about CPR?
Otto: stop drop and roll?
Rosy: no, idiot, CPR not a fire.
Otto: oh…uh…I saw a documentary, they say if a group of people are dancing they can get a person back in consciousness.
Geronimo: That's not CPR. and that isn't a documentary but a show. Called "the Office."
Otto: I'm pretty sure that it was a documentary, it featured Dwite Isenhower.
Asvamandum: your thinking of Dwight Schrute from The Office.
Otto: no, no, I swear it was from a documentary starring Dwite Isenhower.
Geronimo: yes or no, was Michael Scott in it?
Otto: oh my gosh it was The Office.
Geronimo: gosh darn it Otto!!! We have a man who could be dead thanks to you-
Hwapo: I can help out. I am a certified doctor.
Geronimo: Why are you holding a scalpel?
Hwapo: he's a dead man. His organs can be useful.
Geronimo: he's not dead!!! Ok, is anyone who isn't seeing this man as a fresh organ donor, or a comedy show, good at CPR? No, taking a one day class doesn't mean you're experienced.
Everyone: (puts their hands down) …
Melton: well…I asked my husband to call 911.
Geronimo: Mr Phillip-Medalious? Aren't you good at CPR?
Melton: …no.
Rosy: Oh my gosh, he totally is!!!
Melton: Listen, it is my day off, I would like to go one day without helping people. I feel a bit selfish.
Geronimo: A person is dying!!!
Melton: My. day. off!!!
Illannoy: Back up road hoggers!!! I am about to plate yule this obies mule!!! (jumps on top of the man and he wakes up)
Everyone: …
Jonathan: (breaths in and out and coughs) oh my gosh, what happened!?!?
Illannoy: you inhaled a large amount of steak bone. I get your a hungry pig, but the bone isn't easy pickings. Besides, fat throats doesn't mean they are the size of a test tube.
Geronimo: Illy, you can't say that to a customer-
Illannoy: oh get your panties out of your hoo-ha, and the stick out of your washer and dryer, customers aren't allowed to die in the bistro, they have to do so 70 fitting watts, 600 quad bats and 70,000 pig carts and cow coffins away from the bistro!!!
Geronimo: …what?
Illanoy: point being, the contract says I can't have people suing and dying, and that law will hold onto me for as long as I work here. Now please, if everyone can sit down, and the rest of you go and eat and pay. And if you decide to leave without pay (glare daggers at some boys) I will find you and I will ring you by the ear and make you work as this town's new busboys, and I will make it hell. Now get back to work!!! If you got time to exist you got time to cash in tips.
Part 2-Poison fiasco
Skipper: alrighty, Alcapone and top turners. This is going to be the finest dish alive. (turns to the kitchen) no one touches this unless it is Margaret or James. This is a special piece that is served just right and I consider perfect for any and all the customers coming in. if it is a hit…we will put it on the menu.
Jessica: What customers?
Skipper: …any customer that comes walking into the joint. is going to be coming in…and I want them to have something special. Something that'll-
Jessica: either poison them, or make them not come back? Yeah, you're doing this joint a real service.
Skipper: Shut up Jessica. I believe this is my finest item yet. It will be successful because I swooned your mother over with this item.
Jessica: Please don't mention your weird bedlife. I don't want to know.
Skipper: oh hush. Watch the masterpiece of all masterpieces.
Jessica: oh…waste perfectly good tax dollars on customers that don't know you exist. And if anyone knew that you stalk people's preferences on a daily basis, I would've called the kitchen popo a long time ago. Pleading with them to take you away for being society's issues. You know…it would've been a lot more interesting to tell my friends the "kitchen popo got to him," than to say "my dad went to the grocery store to get milk. And never came back."
Skipper: I'm not stalking people. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have to use the mens room.
Jessica: You saying the "men's room" like that, makes me want to have my head be clanked in by Lobster's favorite skillet, and Holmer's freshly hot saucer.
Skipper: yeah, yeah, whatever. (walks away) You're a sensitive lady.
(about an hour later)
Geronimo: Skip!!! Skip!!! (rushes into the kitchen) Skip!!!
Skipper: what? What? I am in the middle of fighting with Jessica and her staff over making a better dessert menu. What the heck do you want?
Geronimo: (sits a plate in front of them) Did your kitchen make this?
Skipper: So what if they did?
Geronimo: It has poisoned a customer, Skip.
Skipper: what!?!?!
Geronimo: …
Jessica: ooh…and the plot thickens.
Skipper: shut up.
Jessica: You shut up.
Skipper: …was…was the plate's owner perhaps the young lady with blonde hair and typical blue eyes?
Geronimo: yes. She got rushed to the hospital. Let's hope she doesn't sue us.
Skipper: …oh…uh…what was wrong with the dish…might I ask? Cause I usually make it the way that I usually make it…and my ex doesn't complain…about it.
Jessica: news flash Llama brain, the woman you're trying to flirt with isn't my mother, nobody has the stomach that she has.
Lobster: hehe. True the woman is a witch.
Holmer: I hear she's also a curse.
Lobster: I also heard she drank snake poison to try out "life's craziest bliss," and she's still running like a 20 year old marine.
Jessica: yeah. You should try a different item, one for normal people. Or just stop selling your poison down someone's throat.
Skipper: shut up Jessica.
Geronimo: You made this dish to impress a customer?
Skipper: …no…I never made it or anything, cause I went to the bathroom and someone who made it might not have made it correctly. Or followed my recipe to a T…(looks back at the staff with a glare) so…whoever wants to step up and tell me…something?
Jessica: something.
Skipper: shut up, Jessica.
Jessica: You shut up.
Skipper: …so? Does-
Lobster: what exactly happened to the customer?
Geronimo: I don't know, all I know is that she got sick, complained about her stomach hurting and then fell to the floor writhing in agony. She said that if she doesn't get better she's suing us. So fix this will you?
Lobster: how?
Geronimo: I don't know. All I know is, I expect this to be better before too long. (walks out of the kitchen)
Skipper: (looks at his phone)
Jessica: You're not expecting her to put you as her emergency contact, are you?
Skipper: zip it, who touched the food?
Everyone: …
Jessica: don't look at me, I have been in my section before the commotion, and before our fight. Ask Lobster.
Lobster: nah man, don't throw me under the bus. I was at my station for 6 days straight.
Holmer: don't take your look at me, I have been on frier duty for the last 6 hours.
James: (walk by at the same time) yeah those fries be crispy.
Skipper: you?
James: What did I do?
Skipper: You're in charge of the table that girl was at out there. What did you do?
James: Oh that table? With that really picky prick old lady with grandma hair, smooth skin, and acts like she owns the world because she's in charge of some high end fashion company?
Skipper: …what…yes…yeah…that one. The one I asked for my special item to be placed at.
James: well I gave it to Otto. I couldn't deal with the woman again. She complained to me 16 times about having an issue with her water being too cold or something. So I gave the table over to Otto, because the money to bag from this woman was not worth it.
Skipper: What!?!?!? (storms out of the kitchen)
James: does he not have a "take his own downfall" bone in his body?
Jessica: when he creates something, he expects it to be amazing for everyone, and one complaint sends him over the edge. I don't know how we are related.
James: …(looks at her)...right.
Jessica: Besides, It's not about him not taking accountability in his mistakes, it's his mistake in falling in love.
James: doesn't he know she's married?
Jessica: I don't think he cares, everyone has their "Dreams."
James: Delusions.
Lobster: denial is a river in Egypt.
Holmer: *chuckles* preach it brother.
Jessica: yes. (turns around) Damn It Otto!!! Stop breathing on my food. Why are you in the kitchen?
Otto: Skipper is chasing me around with a knife!!!
Jessica: You think hiding in the kitchen is going to save you?
Otto: I thought you could talk him out of it.
Skipper: Otto!!!!