Chapter 15
You Are My Strength
The air in Emilia's room was suffocating. It wasn't just cold—it was freezing.
Frost clung to the walls, ice crackling along the floorboards as if the room itself had been caught in her storming emotions.
Puck floated in place, his blue eyes wide, his fluffy tail twitching in alarm sensing the turbulence within his contractee's heart. "Lia," he murmured carefully, "You're going to freeze the room."
Seated on the bed, Emilia did not move.
Her silver hair spilled over her shoulders, expression unreadable, amethyst eyes darkened by something unreadable—something Puck had never seen in her before.
And when she finally spoke, her voice was devoid of warmth.
"We looped."
Her voice was calm, but the sharpness in her tone made Puck's fur stand on end.
He studied her face, searching for the usual hints of confusion or unease that accompanied her realizations. But there were none. Only quiet, seething rage.
"I see… How many times?" he asked. "How did it happen?"
Emilia smoothed down the sleeves of her nightgown, straightening the delicate fabric with slow, deliberate movements.
She didn't answer.
She didn't have to.
Puck's gaze sharpened, his usual playfulness absent. "Lia, why are you being secretive all of a sudden?"
Emilia finally moved, standing up from the bed in a slow, deliberate motion. The temperature of the room dropped further, and Puck's fur bristled.
"The contract only requires me to tell you if we've looped," she said coldly. "Not how many times. Not why. Just if."
"Eh? Lia…" Puck's ears flattened slightly, but before he could press further—
A knock at the door interrupted them.
A voice came from the other side of the door. "Emilia-tan, you awake?"
The contrast between his voice and the heavy atmosphere in the room was stark. His tone was light—too light. Almost cheerful.
Puck turned his head toward the door, but Emilia was already moving. Her steps were stiff, restrained. She opened the door, Subaru stood there, wearing a smile.
It was an easy, natural smile. Like nothing had happened. Like nothing had gone wrong.
Emilia stared at him, her amethyst eyes wide.
"Come with me?" he asked, his voice laced with something unreadable.
The frost in the air ceased.
Emilia blinked. The tension in her shoulders loosened, the ice in her heart thawing just enough. The boiling anger, the storm of emotions—everything was briefly tempered by the sight of him.
"Of course!" Without hesitation, she followed.
Their footsteps echoed in the quiet halls, perfectly in sync. But her eyes never left him. Watching. Observing. As if she was afraid that if she looked away, even for a second, he would disappear.
As they walked through the halls, Emilia's fingers clenched slightly around his sleeve. Her grip was light—too light, as if restraining something stronger.
"Subaru," she whispered, her voice carefully measured. "Why did you loop?"
He smiled, as if the question was simple. "Well, because I needed to."
Emilia's fingers tightened slightly. "Who made you loop?" Her voice was soft, but something lurked beneath it. "Was it Ram?"
He did not answer.
"Did Rem hurt you?" she continued, her voice softer now, almost coaxing. "Was she the one who put you in that state?"
Still, Subaru remained silent.
Emilia chuckled. "You don't have to answer," she murmured, her grip on his sleeve tightening. "I already know."
Then, she let out a soft breath, a too-sweet smile spreading across her lips.
"You don't have to worry, Subaru," she continued, her voice as sweet as honey, as cold as ice. "I'll make sure they're properly punished."
Her smile was soft, but her eyes gleamed with something different—something possessive, something frighteningly intense.
"Here!" Subaru stopped walking.
They had reached a door. Without missing a beat, Subaru pushed it open, revealing the dimly lit interior of Beatrice's library.
The childlike librarian, comfortably perched atop her stool surrounded with piles of books, huffed as she glanced up. "How rude, I suppose. Barging in without so much as a greeting."
Subaru shot her a lopsided grin. "Sorry, Beatrice. I needed a safe space."
Beatrice eyed him skeptically, then flicked her gaze toward Emilia. The tension between them did not go unnoticed. "Hmph. Betty has no patience for fools, in fact."
Ignoring her, Emilia turned to Subaru, her grip on his sleeve unrelenting. "Subaru! Subaru! What did you want to tell me?"
Subaru met her gaze. For a brief moment, he hesitated—then smiled. "Hmm... There are so many things I'd like to talk about, but I don't know where to start... Maybe I don't feel like talking then... I guess I just wanted to see you, after all."
"Hehe, you're so weird!" she giggled.
"This time, I won't let anything happen to you," Emilia murmured, holding his wrist now, gripping tighter than necessary. "I'll stay with you the entire time."
"I know, Emilia-tan. I'm grateful. Sorry… no, thank you."
"Hmm!" she answered, voice lilting like a melody, yet dripping with something unsettling.
A long silence stretched between them.
Subaru broke the stillness with a steady, gentle voice. "And this time… I can protect myself too."
And then, he told his biggest lie. "I've mastered my ability."
A breath caught in her throat. Emilia stiffened. "You… what?"
Subaru nodded, smiling as if it were something casual. "I can loop whenever I want now. Took me a while to get the hang of it, but I finally understand how it works."
Beatrice tilted her head, her expression curious. "loop? What's that, I suppose?"
Unnoticed by Emilia, Puck's telepathic voice echoed in Subaru's mind, laced with disbelief and panic. "Subaru?! Betty is right there you know? What are you doing?!"
"Don't call me out on this," Subaru shot back, his voice a strained whisper through their mental connection.
Puck's confusion deepened. "Huh? What do you mean?"
Emilia's grip on his hand trembled. "Really?"
Subaru forced a grin. "Yeah, I figured it out!" He shrugged nonchalantly, ignoring Puck's escalating telepathic protests. "Turns out, I don't need to be in danger to use it. I can just do it whenever I want now."
The words burned his throat as he spoke them.
Across the room, Puck's ears twitched. His gaze sharpened. Subaru didn't meet Puck's eyes, but he knew.
Puck had caught the lie. A half-lie?
Of course, he had.
"I can't tell her more about Return by Death." Subaru thought desperately, clinging to the flimsy justification for his deception "That thing will come to prevent this anyway. It's better to lie. For her sake."
Subaru remained still, forcing a smile at Emilia while simultaneously reaching out to Puck telepathically. "Don't call me out on this, Puck," he pleaded.
"Please. Let's talk later," Subaru continued telepathically.
There was no verbal response. But then—Puck's fur bristled slightly. He blinked, tilting his head.
The world wavered. The ice in Emilia's heart, the suffocating fear—the unbearable certainty that Subaru had suffered again—all of it cracked under the weight of those words.
She wanted to believe him. Needed to believe him.
Her mind, however, hesitated.
"That's not possible, you know this, right?" a voice in the back of her mind whispered. "Nothing changed between now and before."
Her fingers twitched against the fabric of his sleeve. Her thoughts swirled dangerously, like ice breaking over deep waters.
The rational part of her—the part that knew she had seen him broken, seen the unbearable pain in his eyes—was clawing at the edges of her mind, demanding to be acknowledged.
"You know how it works. Painfully so. It has repeated enough since the first time."
"Remember? You saw him drown in his own blood twice at the capital. You felt his breath, his warmth, slipping from your fingers in that hallway."
"Remember? You fail him. You let danger fall on him. And he uses his ability. That's how it always goes."
"And now, he has suddenly mastered it? When Ram wanted him dead? You truly think he managed to escape her, and calmly did his thing somewhere safe?"
Emilia flinched, a sharp pang in her chest. No, that wasn't true. That couldn't be true.
"Nothing changed. Nothing is different from last time."
"Ram must have done it."
Emilia frowned, her brow furrowing with concern. "But Ram…she attacked you, I couldn't reach you at time…"
"Ram? I managed to beat her. I used my ability moments safely after." Subaru shook his head, forcing a reassuring smile.
Puck's eyes squinted, piercing through Subaru's facade. A half-lie. Again.
"So you really haven't been forced to loop?" she asked softly, her voice laced with a hesitant hopefulness.
Subaru : "Yeah! That's the truth!"
She stared at him, searching his face for any sign of a lie. But his smile was bright, confident, the same smile he always wore when trying to reassure her.
"Yes, he looks fine, so what?"
"So what proof is there that Subaru is telling the truth?"
"What proof is there that he had mastered it?
"What proof is there that he hadn't just—"
No!
A flood of warmth surged through her as she tightened her grip on his sleeve, her body instinctively drawing closer to him.
Why does it matter? Subaru was smiling. He was here, right in front of her, telling her it was fine.
Her heart clenched.
If it were true—if he really had mastered his ability—then everything was okay.
Then there was no reason to keep feeling this crushing, suffocating guilt that had been choking her since the moment she realized how much he had suffered.
The reset wasn't a sign that something awful had happened to him.
She hadn't failed him again.
He didn't have to—
The relief that flooded her was so intense it made her dizzy.
It makes sense, doesn't it? Subaru is always growing. He's special. If anyone could learn to control something like this, it would be him.
Somewhere, deep within her, something screamed at her to think—to look past her own desperation and see the inconsistencies.
But she didn't want to.
She clenched onto his sleeve, the warmth of his presence anchoring her, grounding her. Subaru is okay. Subaru is safe.
That was all that mattered.
That was the only truth she wanted to see.
Slowly, a breath shuddered from her lips. She loosened her grip—just slightly.
"That's… wonderful, Subaru," she whispered.
And if, somewhere in the frozen depths of her heart, doubt still stirred beneath the surface, she chose not to hear it.
The hand clutching his sleeve had loosened slightly after he reassured her, after he told her he had "mastered" his ability. The tension in her shoulders had eased.
But now—
"Then, then—" Emilia's voice chimed sweetly. "If you didn't have to, why did you loop?"
The question had a fragile weight to it, as if she were afraid of the answer.
Subaru hesitated. He knew what he had to say.
He took a breath. "I did it…" His grip on his own arm tightened as he forced the words out. "…to save Rem."
A heartbeat of silence. Emilia blinked.
Her expression barely shifted at first, save for a brief flicker of something unreadable in her eyes. Then, as if she had misheard him, she tilted her head slightly.
"…Hm?" she said softly, her voice lighter than before. "Sorry, I didn't hear you. Can you repeat it, please?"
Subaru swallowed before repeating himself.
"I looped to save Rem."
Emilia did not blink this time. The warmth in her gaze vanished like breath on a winter morning.
"…But why?"
The words slipped out slowly, each one heavy with a growing, trembling intensity.
"She tortured you," Emilia said. "She broke you."
Subaru's breath hitched.
She remembered. Even after resetting, Emilia still carried the weight of what she had seen in the previous loop. She had seen him shattered—mentally, completely.
And the one responsible was the very person he had chosen to save.
"I know," Subaru admitted, forcing himself to meet her gaze. "But she's not the curse user."
He inhaled, steadying himself before continuing.
"I thought she was. I hated them for it. But then… Rem died of the curse. She wasn't the one behind it."
Emilia's face did not change, but something inside her snapped. The small, trusting smile she had been holding onto was gone.
The temperature in the library dropped, and Emilia took a step forward.
"And?" she said.
Subaru stiffened. Emilia's voice was not sharp. It was not raised. It was soft—far too soft.
The kind of softness that came before an avalanche.
"You saved them," Emilia murmured. "The people who hurt you. The people who betrayed me."
Subaru's breath caught as she stepped closer.
"I entrusted you to them," she said, as if reciting something she had practiced a thousand times. "I trusted them to care for you, Subaru."
Another step.
"And they didn't."
Her amethyst eyes darkened.
"They tortured you."
Her voice trembled now, but not with weakness.
"So why," she breathed, "did you save them?"
Subaru started feeling cold. His plan… His lie—it wasn't working.
He had told himself that Emilia believing he had mastered his ability would put her at ease. That she would feel relieved.
But this was not relief. This was rage. A terrible, righteous rage. The kind of rage that didn't fade. The kind that settled deep inside a person's soul and waited.
Subaru's instincts screamed at him to fix this. He needed to tell another lie. A better one. He needed to calm her down.
If he said he had been delirious last time—if he told her that he had lied about what happened, that Rem and Ram were completely innocent—maybe she would believe him.
He opened his mouth—
And then Emilia spoke first. "They deserve punishment," she said.
Subaru froze. He had expected her to demand an explanation. To question him.
But this was not a question. This was a statement. And that was what changed everything.
If she had asked him, he could have lied. But Emilia didn't ask.
She decided.
That was what made Subaru abandon the lie. Because there was only one person in this world he could talk to. One person he could trust.
And that was Emilia.
"…Then I'll tell you the truth," Subaru murmured.
Emilia didn't react.
"When you left for Arlam Village, I wanted to follow you," he said. "I asked Rem to help me. I thought she agreed… but instead, she put me to sleep. When I woke up, I was in the forest."
His fingers curled into fists. "I was alone. And then Rem was there. She tortured me."
The room was silent.
Beatrice did not move. Her fingers curled against her book, but she did not interrupt.
Puck, still floating nearby, watched with quiet intrigue.
Subaru continued. "I didn't know why, so it went for hours. Even now… I just don't know why exactly." His voice was hoarse. "Then Ram came. She—she covered for her. She helped her."
A silence so thick it almost had weight pervaded the library. The room was too quiet.
Emilia turned. She took slow, deliberate steps toward the door, but Subaru immediately stepped in front of her.
"Please, move," she whispered.
Subaru did not move, forcing a grin.
"Emilia-tan looks pissed off— even angry, you look divine," he finished weakly.
"…I'm glad you get angry for my sake," he said, quieter now.
"I hated them too," Subaru admitted. "I wanted them to suffer. To—to die in the most painful way possible."
Emilia's breath hitched. "…Then move."
"I can't," Subaru said.
Her fists clenched.
"Because I realized," Subaru continued, "I never talked to them about that. I never really tried."
The words struck like ice for Emilia, as she gritted her teeth.
"I want to trust them," Subaru murmured. "Because I know they're good people."
"Move, Subaru." she asked again, but he didn't.
Her entire body tensed as she moved him away, pushing past him by force. Her hand, pale and trembling, reached for the handle. Then—
Subaru bluffed, "That's useless. If you go, I'll just loop again."
Her fingers froze on the handle. Emilia's breath came out in a soft, shuddering exhale.
Even if she denied it—even if she forced herself to believe his lie— Somewhere, deep inside, she did not want him to use his power.
So she stopped, for now.
The frost too had stopped growing, but the cold still clung to the air.
Subaru could feel it biting at his exposed skin, seeping through his clothes like unseen fangs. The cold didn't come from the room—it came from her.
Emilia stood there, her amethyst eyes burning with something far colder than ice.
Subaru held his ground before her, his stance unwavering.
"Emilia…" Subaru said carefully, trying to choose his words wisely. "I know you."
She didn't react.
"You're a good person," he continued. "You'd never hurt innocents."
That made her blink.
A slow, deliberate blink, before she tilted her head slightly, as if confused by what he had just said.
"Innocents?" she repeated softly.
"They aren't innocent," she whispered. Her voice had no warmth in it.
"Subaru," Emilia said, taking a step forward, "you just confirmed that they hurt you."
The air thinned.
"They tortured you. They broke you."
Her next step left behind a trail of frost.
"So why—" She bit her lip, swallowing down the shudder in her voice. "Why do you still call them innocent? They don't deserve to—"
Subaru met her gaze without flinching. "Because they haven't done it," he said simply. "Not yet."
The cold thickened.
"Wh…What?" she incredulously asked.
"They are innocent," he firmly pressed on. "They still haven't done the things they did in that loop. Rem and Ram, the ones here right now, haven't hurt me. We should talk this out before anything—"
Emilia's head snapped up. "Are you serious?"
Subaru stiffened.
"Are you really—really—telling me," she said, voice shaking slightly, "that since they don't remember, since it hasn't happened yet, they're innocent?"
He opened his mouth, but she wasn't finished.
"Then what about Elsa?" she demanded.
The breath left Subaru's lungs.
"If we looped right now," Emilia continued, her voice shaking, "if we went back to before she attacked us in the capital—would she be innocent too?"
"Since she didn't hurt us in an averted future, she doesn't have to pay? You can't be serious!"
Subaru had no answer. He opened his mouth—nothing came out.
The frost cracked beneath her feet. "Should we forgive Elsa?"
Her hands clenched at his sides. Her voice was rising.
"Should we just let her walk away? Should we ignore what she did? Is that it?"
Subaru clenched his fists.
Emilia wasn't waiting for an answer. She was spiraling.
The trembling in her voice turned into something sharp, something bitter, something hateful.
"I'd kill her," she whispered. "No. I will kill her. That woman— I want to kill her."
Subaru sucked in a sharp breath.
"If I ever see her again, she's dead. But, I wouldn't make it quick."
Her fingers curled against her stomach, gripping through the fabric of her nightgown, as if to clench a surge of pain.
Subaru knew why.
Even if she didn't say it, even if she refused to speak the words, she remembered. Her body remembered the agony.
The cold steel slicing into her stomach. The warmth of her own blood spilling onto the ground. The sensation of her insides being pulled out. The hopelessness against the inevitable.
She remembered. And she hated.
"I want to hurt her," Emilia continued, her tone eerily soft. "I want her to suffer for everything she's done."
"I'd freeze her first," Emilia murmured, her breath fogging the air. "Not too much—just enough to keep her limbs from moving, to avoid numbing her too much." Her eyes darkened, unfocused, lost in something terrifying.
Puck's ears twitched.
"Then," Emilia continued, "I'd extract her bowels. I'll rip open her stomach and pull her bowels out—just enough so she doesn't die right away."
Beatrice's breath hitched.
Emilia smiled. "And I'd shove them in her face. Since she loves them so much, she should be able to enjoy them, right? Knowing her, she'd probably really enjoy it, that disgusting woman!"
Puck floated backward, his tail bristling. The spirit stared at Emilia as if he didn't recognize her.
Until now, he had thought Emilia wanted to kill Elsa because Elsa was evil. Because it was the right thing to do. That wasn't surprising.
But this— This wasn't justice. This was hatred.
Real, passionate, unfiltered, personal loathing.
He had never seen Emilia hate someone like this before.
Emilia, who had suffered through years of rejection and scorn without resentment.
Emilia, who had been mistreated and looked down upon by nearly everyone without ever lashing out.
She had never let herself hate anyone.
Not until now.
"Say, Subaru," Emilia's voice cut through the heavy silence, "should we really forgive her?"
Subaru's hands trembled.
She wasn't expecting an answer. She just needed to say it. She needed to let it out.
"She's hard to kill, so what," Emilia continued, almost breathless now, "she'd regenerate, wouldn't she? So I'd just do it again. Again and again and again until I'm satisfied! Until she decides to die! Until she dies! The world would be better off without this monster!"
Puck was speechless.
Why did she hate that assassin so much?
Had she… not told him everything? The unspoken question shook him.
He had always trusted her to tell him things. But had she left something out?
Had something happened to her in her loops at the capital that he didn't know about?
Beatrice was frozen, staring at the girl who was not the naïve, idealistic princess she had imagined her to be.
But Subaru understood.
He didn't flinch, didn't interrupt her. He didn't try to calm her down.
He just watched and listened.
And when Emilia finally stopped, when the frost stopped growing, when the cold began to recede—
She turned back to him. And the hate in her eyes returned to sorrow.
"Tell me, Subaru," she whispered. "Should I forgive her?"
Subaru lowered his gaze.
She had spent all her hatred, all her rage, all her fury. And in its place, there was only exhaustion.
A single tear slipped down her cheek. Then another.
"And Rem and Ram too? When they're not innocent either?" she murmured.
Subaru's eyes widened.
"They deserve to pay for what they did."
Emilia's voice cracked. "Even if nobody else remembers… we do."
Her chest trembled. "…Even though nobody remembers," Emilia whispered, her voice trembling, "they're still accountable for what they did."
"Subaru, the failed loops we lived—the pain, the suffering—" Her throat closed up.
"They hurt us, Subaru," Emilia whimpered. "The failed loops we lived through, the hell we went through…it happened. I don't care if no one else remembers… even if the world forgets… it still happened."
She wiped at her face quickly, as if trying to stop the tears from falling.
"It happened," she whispered. "It counts. You can't just… pretend it didn't…"
Subaru's breath hitched. She was crying, and it hurt him.
Then, slowly, she caught her breath and smiled at him. A little worn, but it was a gentle smile, not the unsettling ones of earlier.
"That's why," she whispered, "you're such a good person, Subaru."
He flinched.
"You can make friends with anyone."
Her voice was soft, tender.
"You don't judge people for what they look like."
Her smile wavered.
"You work so hard."
Her eyes glistened.
"You fight relentlessly to save people."
The weight in her voice made his breath catch.
"You're a good person, Subaru. You're strong…"
"You can even forgive the people who tortured you… but…"
Emilia let out a soft, shaky breath. "But I can't."
Subaru's entire body froze. And something inside him snapped.
"Do you really think," Subaru's voice trembled, "I took that decision easily?"
Emilia stiffened. "...Eh?"
"Do you really think," Subaru growled, "I'm some kind of saint who forgives anyone?"
A shiver ran down her spine.
"DO YOU THINK THIS WAS EASY FOR ME?!"
Emilia flinched. Subaru's voice hit like a whip—raw, furious, and pained.
His hands shook violently.
"DO YOU THINK I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL THEM?!"
His voice cracked.
"I HATED THEM, EMILIA!"
His shoulders shook.
"I WANTED THEM TO SUFFER."
His chest heaved. The library felt too small, too suffocating.
"I, TOO, WANTED ELSA TO DIE IN AGONY!"
"I WANTED TO MAKE REM BEG FOR HER LIFE!"
"I WANTED RAM TO WATCH AS I MADE HER SISTER SCREAM!"
Emilia's breath stopped.
Subaru clenched his fists so hard his nails bit into his skin.
"So… don't you dare— Don't you dare act like I forgave them easily."
Not even the great spirits dared to trouble the heavy silence which had fallen.
Emilia was stunned. Her lips parted—but no words came out. For the first time since the conversation started, she didn't know what to say.
Beatrice silently observed them.
For a long time, she said nothing—only watching, her blue eyes flicking between Subaru and Emilia.
She had calmly erected a barrier around them, moments ago. Not to imprison them, nor to stop the conversation.
It was simply to contain Emilia's frost. Ice could be bad for books.
Under normal circumstances, she would have already thrown them out. This was her library. Their emotions, their conflicts—none of it had anything to do with her.
But for some reason, she didn't interrupt them. She simply watched, listened and waited.
The cold had lessened, but the tension between Subaru and Emilia had not.
Subaru's shoulders were still rising and falling from the weight of his own outburst.
His hands trembled at his sides, his chest heaving, his nails dug into his palms. "I don't even know if I have forgiven them yet. Or if I ever could…"
Emilia flinched.
"I don't believe I trust them," Subaru admitted. "Not fully."
Puck and Beatrice both stilled at that.
"But… I was forced to realize something," he continued. "I wasn't looking at the whole picture."
He glanced down, his voice softening.
"You're right," Subaru admitted. "We shouldn't ignore what happened in the failed loops. Not like we ever could anyway."
Emilia blinked, taken aback by his admission.
"But Rem and Ram…" Subaru's grip tightened into fists. "They are not like Elsa."
Emilia's brows furrowed. "Ghk–"
Subaru inhaled, then lifted his head. "Rem and Ram, are not the same as her."
He took a step forward, and declared it for the third time.
"Elsa killed because she wanted to. She enjoyed it. She lives for it." His gaze hardened. "But Rem and Ram? They're not like that."
His throat tightened. He swallowed down the lump, and added. "I can't pretend I don't remember what they did to me."
His hands trembled slightly. "…But that's not all I remember."
A quiet shudder passed through him. His voice wavered. "I remember the good parts too."
Emilia's eyes flickered with something conflicted.
"Ram's lessons," he started. "How she trained me, made fun of me, laughed at me—but never gave up on me."
Past moments replayed in his mind. The way Ram would slack off whenever possible, the way he'd tease her during their reading and writing sessions. The way they would always banter over futile things.
How he had wondered, as an only child, if having a sibling would feel like this.
His lips curled into something almost resembling a fond smile, making Emilia clench her jaw.
"Rem…," he continued. "She patched me up. She healed my cuts and bruises—even though she pretended like she was merely doing her job, she still did it carefully."
He let out a breath. Memories flooded back. The way Rem furrowed her brows in frustration, how she sighed while applying medicine, how she clicked her tongue and muttered, "You really are troublesome."
How, despite it all, she kept treating him anyway.
His voice was softer now, filled with something almost…wistful, making Emilia frown even more.
Subaru let out a breath. "They weren't always my tormentors. They were my friends."
"When I came to this world, I had nothing. No place. No home. Then I met you and Puck, and felt saved from loneliness." His eyes softened.
Puck's tail flickered.
"Then I met them, Beatrice, and Roswaal, and I started to feel like I belonged somewhere."
Beatrice's hands clenched.
Emilia's clenched as well. The words he spoke… They weren't just his feelings. They were hers, too.
Subaru swallowed hard, his hands slowly unclenching. He then lifted his gaze, meeting hers head-on.
"Yes," he murmured. "We are the only ones who remember the failed loops."
"But should we live a lonely life because of that?" His gaze turned earnest. "Should it just be us, just the two of us, because of mistakes people made in futures that don't even exist anymore?"
Emilia couldn't respond. Instead, she bit down on her lip, her body shaking.
Because she knew what he was saying made sense.
And yet, she hated that it made sense. She hated how right he was.
But more than that— She hated how much she wanted to agree with him.
She had been so sure, so ready to reject them. But now, memories surfaced.
Even if they had never openly treated her as an equal, even if they had always put up that professional distance, even if they had been cautious of her appearance—
They had still been kind to her.
The way Rem always looked so serious, but so caring when talking to her. The way she had been genuinely worried about her in a failed loop.
The way Ram, despite her sharp words, had always greeted her politely, acknowledged her existence, never judged her for being a half-elf.
Seven years, no… For her, it was a whole life spent being shunned, ostracized, feared—and yet, for a moment, they truly made her believe she could belong with them.
She had wanted to believe they could become friends.
And yet, knowing all of that, even now, the trust she had in them was crippling. Her resentment still lingered. She could still feel the bitter sting of betrayal.
A bitter taste spread across her tongue. There, Subaru hit her with an even harder truth.
"If you go after Rem now," he said, voice quiet but firm, "without her understanding why—without her even being able to understand why—"
He exhaled. "In what way would you be any different from the torture she put me through?"
Emilia's stomach dropped.
Her breath hitched, catching on a silent sob that refused to escape.
And for the first time since this argument began, she felt herself losing her ground.
She couldn't argue against him. She wanted to. Oh, how she wanted to tell him he was wrong. To lash out, defend her anger, cling to the righteousness of her cause.
But the words wouldn't come. Because deep down, she knew he wasn't.
She hated how relentlessly he tore apart her reasoning. She hated that he wasn't letting her hold onto her anger.
She hated that he was forcing her to confront the ugly truth.
Her nails dug into her palms, drawing tiny lines of blood. She clenched her teeth so hard her jaw ached.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity of internal turmoil, she let out a slow, shuddering breath.
And she compromised.
"I won't hurt them," she whispered.
Subaru's shoulders relaxed slightly, but she wasn't done. Her voice hardened. "But I won't let you face them, either."
Subaru blinked. "Hm?"
"Subaru, I won't let you put yourself in danger again," she said, stepping closer. "Not with them. Not with the curse user."
She lifted her chin. "This time, I will handle it."
Her eyes burned with conviction. "I promise, I swear, I will protect you, Subaru."
Subaru stiffened. The meaning was clear. No more unnecessary risks. No more reckless decisions. Subaru would be hers to protect.
And if she had to seclude him from everyone to do it—so be it.
Her amethyst eyes glowed with unwavering certainty as she reached for his sleeve again.
"You have to entrust me with this, at least," she whispered.
"No."
Subaru didn't even hesitate, catching Emilia off balance. Her breath hitched slightly at the sheer finality in his voice.
He wasn't considering it. He wasn't weighing her words. He was dismissing them outright.
Her heart clenched. "…Why?" she whispered, hurt creeping into her voice. "Why not?"
Subaru didn't answer immediately.
"Do you think…" Emilia took a small step back, her voice fragile, uncertain, "that I'm not strong enough?"
Subaru's eyes widened. "Huh?"
She swallowed. "Do you think I can't handle it?"
Her chest tightened painfully. "Because I failed last time?" Her fingers curled slightly. "Because I couldn't protect you?"
She exhaled sharply, biting her lip. "Is that why you don't trust me anymore?"
Subaru's breath caught. He didn't even need to think about his answer. His next words left his lips instantly— "I don't know anyone more capable and reliable than you, Emilia."
She froze. Her lips parted slightly, but no words came.
Something warm bloomed in her chest at his sincerity, but at the same time—Why? Why does he see me like that?
She knew she wasn't capable. She knew she wasn't reliable. She had failed.
But when Subaru looked at her, he looked like he truly believed it. Like it was a fact. Like nothing could change his mind. It stunned her.
Subaru exhaled slowly before continuing.
"I know you can deal with the curse user," he said. "I know you can handle the twins. And I know you can keep me safe."
His voice was steady, firm. "That's not the problem."
Emilia's eyes flickered with confusion. "Wh–? T–Then what is?" she asked.
Subaru's gaze hardened. "I will confront them," he said. "And you have to let me do it."
A silence stretched between them. Then, slowly, Emilia smirked.
The sudden shift caught Subaru off guard.
Feeling cornered, she tried to dissuade him with the only way she had left. "Subaru," she murmured, "do you really think you could force me into this?"
A shiver ran down his spine.
Her smirk didn't fade, but sweat dripped on her cheeks. "If I decide it," she continued, "do you think you could do anything against it?"
Subaru's throat dried.
Emilia took a slow step forward. "I might just be a mere half-elf," she continued, "but I'm still kind of powerful."
Another step. "I do have a Great Spirit supporting me."
Subaru's hands twitched.
"And I am a Royal Candidate, after all," she finished lightly. Her eyes squinted, betraying the fact that she desperately hoped Subaru would comply.
"For your safety… I'm able to restrain you if necessary."
Puck, floating nearby, suddenly became very interested in the conversation.
Beatrice, sitting stiffly with her arms crossed, flicked her gaze between them with clear concern.
Subaru barely flinched at her threats. "If you do that," he said, "you'd be going against the entire reason I'm trying to do this."
Emilia blinked.
His voice dropped. "I need to do this, so I can trust again."
The smirk faded from her lips.
"I trusted people, Emilia," Subaru murmured. "And I got tortured for it."
Emilia's breath hitched. Subaru's fists clenched.
"I got put in house arrest by the person I thought was the closest to me," he continued, his voice tight with frustration. "I got pushed aside by the same person who once told me—'We're not alone in this'."
Emilia staggered. It was her words. The words she had told him back in the capital, before the loot house. That together, they could face danger. That they didn't have to fight alone.
And yet— She had left him behind. She had isolated him.
Her nails dug into her palms. She hadn't realized… Or rather, she hadn't properly estimated how much it had hurt him.
Subaru inhaled sharply. "If you do this," he said honestly, "if you lock me up me again—"
He exhaled shakily. "I will never be able to trust you."
The words hit her like a slap.
Emilia flinched. She looked deeply hurt, but Subaru didn't stop.
"I'll never be able to trust anyone again," he murmured, forcing himself to continue, "And I will never feel safe by your side."
A sharp gasp left Emilia's throat. Something in her chest cracked.
She tried to find something to say—some excuse, some reason, some way to justify what she was trying to do. But there was nothing…
So Emilia collapsed. Her knees hit the cold library floor. Her shoulders trembled. Tears slid down her pale cheeks as her hands clenched against her chest.
"…That's not fair," she choked out.
Subaru's expression softened.
"I just want you to be safe," she sobbed, breath hitching violently.
"I don't want that," she whispered. "I don't want you to feel unsafe with me. I don't want you to hate me..."
Her entire body trembled. Her hands, still clutched against her chest, tightened.
"I just… I just want to protect you," she whimpered, her vision blurred with tears.
"And now you're saying—you're saying that if I try, you'll never trust me?" Her fingers curled.
She gritted her teeth, her shoulders heaving.
"That's unfair, Subaru," she cried.
Subaru's chest tightened painfully.
Beatrice and Puck remained silent. Neither of them knew what to say.
Subaru closed his eyes, exhaling shakily, and he knelt closer. "I need you to trust me, too."
Emilia froze. Her breath stopped, because in that moment, she realized.
She hadn't. She hadn't trusted him at all in solving the that realization hurt more than anything.
Tears dripped onto the floor beneath her.
A soft voice, warm and familiar, broke through the silence. "…Lia."
Puck's usual playfulness was gone. He hovered beside her, his small body dimming with worry.
Emilia's hands clenched into fists.
"…How do you know?" she whimpered, her voice small, childlike.
Subaru tensed. Emilia lifted her gaze, eyes shimmering with tears, and looked straight at him.
"How do you know your way is right?" she whispered. "How do you know trusting them won't just make us suffer again?"
Subaru's stomach twisted.
"How do you know I'm wrong?" Emilia's voice cracked. "Maybe we should—maybe we have to—just rely on each other. Maybe that's the only way we'll ever be safe."
Subaru stiffened. Her words hit deeper than he wanted to admit.
She wasn't just lashing out anymore. She was asking something serious.
What if she's right?
What if his choice—confronting Rem and Ram, trying to trust them again—only led to another cycle of betrayal?
What if it all failed?
He could see it. He could just stay by Emilia's side.
He could stop reaching out. Stop trying to make connections. Stop trying to trust anyone but her.
They were the only ones who remembered the loops. Maybe that meant they were the only ones who mattered.
Maybe that meant everyone else was just—No.
Subaru bit his lip.
No, that wasn't true. But even knowing that, the idea—staying with Emilia, letting go of the pain, the betrayals, the fear—was… Tempting.
"…You might be right, Emilia," he muttered.
Emilia blinked, startled by the admission.
Puck froze, heart aching. He had always known that Emilia treasured Subaru. That she had become closer to him than anyone else, besides Puck himself.
But then she became secretive out of nowhere. She doesn't respond to his telepathic calls, she doesn't even consider him, as if she doesn't trust him anymore…
It was not her usual sulking games; she really didn't want to talk with him. He momentarily regretted having his mind-reading powers as they had confirmed it to him.
And now, as he watched her break down, clinging desperately to the idea of only having Subaru by her side—A bitter pain lodged itself deep in his chest.
He realized that she was seriously considering it. She was ready to cast everyone else aside. Even him.
Puck's tail twitched sharply.
He had always been there for her. Her protector. Her family. And yet, she was about to leave him behind.
All because of Subaru.
A quiet, ugly thought crawled into his mind.
"Was this his plan all along?"
To steal her away? To make her need only him?
Subaru let out a breath, glancing down at her tear-streaked face.
"I can't just ignore what you're feeling," he said softly.
"Hmmm… well… maybe that's why I came into this world, Emilia. To meet and support you."
Emilia's lips trembled. And Puck fur bristled. His claws twitched.
For the first time—truly for the first time, he hated Subaru.
Even if just for a moment. Even if he knew it was irrational.
Even if he knew Subaru had absolutely no ill intentions, that Subaru hadn't been manipulating her.
That moment of pure, unfiltered resentment burned in his chest.
But then—
"So…" Subaru straightened up. "Let's make a deal."
Emilia sniffled. "A… deal?"
Subaru nodded. "This time," he said, "we do things my way."
Emilia looked hesitant, but she didn't interrupt.
"We confront Rem and Ram," Subaru continued. "We trust them. We trust the people around us. We try to move forward."
Emilia's fingers twitched. "And if it fails?" she asked.
Subaru exhaled slowly. "If it fails…" He smirked slightly, though his voice remained gentle. "Then I'll leave myself to you."
Emilia's eyes widened.
Subaru chuckled weakly. "Honestly, getting cuddled and pampered by the beautiful angel Emilia-tan isn't a bad fate."
A small, wet laugh nearly escaped her lips before she caught herself. But then—
"If trusting them fails," Subaru said, his voice steady, "then I'll leave everything to you."
Emilia's breath hitched.
"I'll follow you," Subaru murmured. "We'll isolate ourselves. We'll only rely on each other. No more outsiders."
A shiver ran through her body.
"Just you and me," he finished.
It was what she had wanted. What she had told herself was best. So why…
Why did hearing it now feel so wrong?
Emilia's voice trembled. "You're serious?"
Subaru nodded. "Totally serious."
A shiver ran through Puck's body. Those words were everything he had feared. Everything he hated.
Then Subaru continued. "But—"
She flinched.
"If we do break the loop," he continued, "then you have to promise me something, too."
Emilia swallowed hard.
"If we succeed…" Subaru's gaze softened. "You have to stop pushing everyone away."
Her lips parted slightly.
"You have to try trusting people again."
A lump formed in her throat.
"You have to stop thinking we're alone in this."
Emilia couldn't breathe.
And Puck— For a moment, he was lost.
The anger, the pain, the possessiveness that had flared up inside him— all of it crumbled.
He had been so sure Subaru was taking her away from him. But now, Subaru was making a deal that kept him in her life.
That forced Emilia to stay connected to others.
Puck didn't know what to do with the sudden shift in emotion.
The bitterness, the resentment— All of it twisted, warped, and turned into something else.
Something like relief.
"…I hate this."
But at the same time—
"Thank you."
Puck turned his face away, unreadable.
Meanwhile, across the room, Beatrice silently observed them. She had remained still this entire time, watching the argument unfold.
At first, she hadn't cared. She had told herself she didn't care.
But a small, bitter part of her had been disappointed.
"So he's not 'that person', I suppose." She had barely allowed the thought to surface.
It wasn't as if she had expected anything. It wasn't as if she had hoped. But still, it was disappointing.
And yet. When Subaru proposed the deal, something shifted inside her, just for a moment.
A small, fragile part of her, the part of her that wanted to believe in someone…felt a tiny flicker of relief.
Even though she would never admit it.
Emilia's heart pounded violently against her chest.
"…Subaru," she whispered, lost.
She had been so certain before. So sure that isolating themselves was the only way to stay safe.
But now, she hesitated. Still— "This is…" She tried to find the words. "This is like putting the carriage before the ground dragon!"
Subaru raised a brow.
"If you understand me, if you get why I feel this way," Emilia asked, gripping her sleeves, "then why take the risk of getting hurt again?"
Her voice was pleading. "Why not just take the safest option?"
Subaru smiled. A warm, genuine smile. "Because I can."
She blinked.
"I can take the risk because I know you're there," Subaru murmured. "Trusting me. Watching over me."
Her chest tightened.
"You give me the courage to act like this."
Her breath hitched. "...Subaru…"
"I could've just stayed away," Subaru admitted. "I could've left everyone alone."
"The possibility was real. I won't deny it."
He smiled at her again—so soft, so real. "But you're here."
"So I can try trusting them."
Tears pricked at her eyes. And for the first time since this conversation started—
She smiled.
A real, earnest smile.
"…You're a dunderhead," she whispered, sniffling slightly.
Subaru blinked. "Who even uses 'dunderhead' in this day and age?"
A small, broken chuckle escaped her lips. Then another. And before she knew it, she was laughing.
Weak, shaky, but earnest.
Subaru chuckled too, relief washing over him.
A moment passed, then, softly— "…You really believe in them that much?" she asked.
Subaru smiled. "I believe in us more."
Emilia's breath stopped. And just like that— "...alright, Subaru. I accept your deal."
Subaru exhaled slowly, feeling the tension in the room finally ease. His heart was still racing from the conversation they'd just had, but for the first time in what felt like forever, he could breathe.
The deal had been struck.
Emilia was still watching him, her amethyst eyes searching, uncertain—but she was with him. She hadn't pushed him away.
And somehow, that was enough.
"You know," he mused, "right now, I feel like a little kid learning how to ride a bicycle."
Emilia blinked. "…A what?"
Subaru chuckled. "Oh, right. You don't know what that is."
"I don't," she admitted, tilting her head. "What's a bicycle?"
"It's a thing from my homeland… Okay, picture this—a two-wheeled vehicle that you pedal to move. But when you're a little kid, you get these extra little wheels on the sides to stop you from falling over."
Emilia frowned slightly, as if trying to picture it in her head. "That sounds really impractical."
Subaru placed a hand over his heart in mock offense. "Hey, don't insult my childhood, okay?"
Emilia giggled softly, covering her mouth. Beatrice, sitting nearby with her arms crossed, rolled her eyes.
"But yeah, that's how I feel right now," Subaru continued. "You're my training wheels, Emilia-tan."
Emilia flushed slightly. "I… I am?"
"Yeah," Subaru said, flashing her a grin. "Even if I wobble, even if I mess up, you're there to keep me steady."
She fidgeted, looking flustered. "That's… kind of embarrassing. Frankly, I don't understand what you mean. Sorry."
"Alright, alright," Subaru waved a hand. "Let's try another one then."
Emilia perked up, curiosity lighting her gaze. "Okay, imagine I'm trying to swim for the first time," he explained.
"Alright…"
"It's scary, right? The water's deep. I could sink, I could panic. But…" Subaru glanced at her with a soft smile.
"I know you're there to pull me up if I start drowning."
Emilia's breath hitched. "You… trust me that much?"
"I have to," Subaru said simply. "Otherwise, I'd be panicking the whole time and never learn how to swim."
Emilia looked down at her hands, her fingers lightly curling as if holding onto the warmth of his words.
Then— "That's a terrible metaphor," she said, looking back up.
Subaru blinked. "Huh?"
"You should just wear floaties," she said matter-of-factly.
Subaru gawked. "Wait, what?! They're floaties but not bicycles here?!"
Emilia shrugged. "I read about them in a book once, I think. There are some at Kararagi."
"Man," Subaru groaned, dragging a hand down his face. "The cultural lag is something else in this world…!"
And then—
"OH FOR ODNESS' SAKE, JUST KISS ALREADY, IN FACT!"
The entire room froze.
Subaru and Emilia both turned, wide-eyed, to Beatrice—who was red in the face with frustration.
"W-What?!" Emilia stammered, completely flustered.
Subaru, on the other hand, grinned mischievously. "Aw, Beako, I didn't know you were so invested in my love life!"
Beatrice glared at him, cheeks puffed out in irritation. "Betty is not! Betty despises it! But Betty hates this unbearable tension even more, I suppose! Wait. Who is 'beako', I suppose?"
Subaru cackled. Before he could tease Beatrice any further—
Puck floated down, landing on Emilia's shoulder with a smirk.
"Well, well," the spirit purred, eyes gleaming. "I guess I should start worrying about my precious daughter being stolen away…"
Subaru turned dramatically. "Please, Father!" He clasped his hands together, lowering his head. "I'll prove myself worthy!"
Puck nodded sagely. "Hmph. A bold declaration, I admit. But I won't give Lia away that easily!"
Subaru gasped. "How do I earn your blessing?"
Puck rubbed his chin, pretending to think. "Mmm... Bring me some tuna. Lots and lots of tuna! Maybe then I'll start thinking about the question."
Subaru gasped again, dramatically placing a hand over his heart. "A noble and difficult quest… but for Emilia-tan, I shall accept it!"
Emilia, now completely red, pouted. "Can you stop talking like I'm not here?!"
Beatrice let out an exasperated groan before jabbing a finger at the door.
"If you two are done with your dramatic nonsense, leave, in fact! You've already disturbed Betty's tea enough!"
Subaru and Emilia exchanged glances.
Then they burst out laughing.
The tension, the pain, the weight of everything… it didn't disappear. Not at all.
Despite this, they were still able to laugh.
In his bedroom. Subaru started wearing his butler uniform. He began to change, though his focus remained elsewhere.
His mind whirred like a well-oiled machine, working through piecing how to break the infernal loop.
"Here's what I know so far."
"They need three days before they strike. Though, what if a villager gets cursed before… I want to act tomorrow, just in case."
"Also, they aren't targeting me specifically, since they had killed Rem. Maybe they're aiming at random around here?"
"They seem to know Emilia. They act only when Emilia isn't visibly present. I wonder how since she had told me she barely leaves the mansion..."
"And if they're trying to discredit Emilia and Roswaal, then maybe…"
"…Maybe they're connected to Elsa and his client?"
"The stolen insignia. Attacks on Arlam. Is there a pattern? … Someone wants Emilia out of the Royal Selection thing, and they're willing to kill for it."
The moment he finished buttoning his shirt, with a flicker of mana, the temperature dropped slightly.
"I take it you got my call," Subaru murmured without turning.
A soft hum filled the space, followed by a shimmer of light. Puck materialized midair, his tail flicking lazily behind him. His usual playful smirk was absent, replaced by a sharp, unreadable gaze.
"You're a bold one," Puck remarked, floating at eye level.
Subaru smirked as he adjusted his collar. "Oh? How so?"
"Lying to Lia's face, then asking me for a private chat right after?" Puck's ears twitched. "You've been quite the schemer lately, Subaru."
Subaru merely shrugged, his smirk never fading. "Takes one to know one, right?"
Puck's tail flicked again, but he didn't refute the claim. He merely observed Subaru in silence, waiting.
Subaru exhaled slowly, then cut straight to the point. "Tell me, Puck—how much do you actually care if I die?"
Puck blinked once. Then, his ear twitched. "A heavy question, all of a sudden…"
"Not really," Subaru said, his tone light but firm. "I just figured I should ask the guy who kept conveniently looking the other way."
Puck's fur bristled slightly in a beat of silence, but he didn't speak.
Subaru leaned towards the bed, grabbing his trousers. "Dunno if Emilia told you yet, but last loop, she should've reached me in time."
He casually put on his pants while saying, "She didn't. Instead, she was running around the village while Ram hunted me down."
He tilted his head slightly, watching Puck's reaction. "Rem accused me. Ram threatened me. And you? You just… let it happen."
"I don't know if she had noticed," Subaru continued, his voice dropping, "but I did."
"Accusing me of things I don't even remember… First of all, how can I even know you aren't making things up?" Puck chimed.
A flicker of something passed through Puck's expression—brief, but there.
"Hmmm? Trying to soak information from me? Emilia-tan really didn't tell you anything, huh?" Subaru said with a grin.
Fastening his belt, Subaru added, "Frankly, I had expected it."
And just like that, something clicked. Puck's ears twitched. His tail stopped flicking. For the first time, his amusement faded entirely.
"…I see," Puck murmured, quieter than before.
Subaru let the weight of his words settle.
Puck's gaze lowered slightly. His empathic ability was picking up on Subaru's emotions, on the truth of it. He waited for the anger to come—the resentment, the bitterness.
He waited for Subaru to accuse him, to lash out, to demand an apology. Wasn't it the reason why he had called him?
But nothing.
No hatred. No resentment. Nothing similar. Just acceptance.
That, more than anything, made Puck pause.
"…You don't hate me for it?" Puck finally asked.
Subaru chuckled softly, shaking his head. "Wouldn't accomplish much, would it? I don't… wait. Maybe that's the true power of your fluffiness? Was I a cat person all this time?"
Puck narrowed his eyes. "That's not an answer."
Subaru met his gaze evenly. "Well, I get it, okay," he said simply. "You were looking out for Emilia. You thought I was a problem. Maybe you even wanted to get rid of me."
Puck didn't deny it.
Subaru continued, "Even I am aware that I'm a burden for her." He paused, brain flooded by bittersweet memories, each feeling more bitter than sweet.
When she risked her life to protect him against Elsa.
When she saved him against a wolgarm with the painful cost of getting bitten instead.
When she stayed loyal and caring even after he had hurt her by either indifference or hostility.
"For you, I must have looked like a kind of wildcard that made her reckless. I understand you more than you think."
Subaru exhaled through his nose. "Also, I've got bigger things to worry about than holding a grudge against a flying cat."
Puck studied him for a long moment. He could feel it—Subaru's emotions. No malice. No vengeance.
Just a quiet, almost resigned understanding.
A silence stretched between them. It wasn't tense—not anymore. Just… contemplative.
Puck let out a small huff. "So? What do you want from me?"
Subaru's smile faded, then, his expression turned serious, locking onto Puck's.
"Look, Puck—I don't care what you thought of me before," he said, putting on his butler vest. "But I'm not your enemy."
Puck's tail twitched.
"And, for Emilia's sake too, I need your full cooperation this time." Subaru took a step closer. "And that cooperation? It starts now."
Puck raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
Subaru nodded, his voice lowering. "There's something else going on around here. Something dangerous."
Puck studied him. "You're talking about the curse user."
Subaru stilled for a fraction of a second. Then, he let out a low chuckle. "Heh. Yeah, Emilia-tan did mention it, huh? When she offered to protect me—Aaah~, I could never get enough of Emilia-tan's kindness! Truly an angel! EMT!"
Puck floated there, unmoving. "Why would a curse user go after you?"
Subaru smirked bitterly. "Well, I think they might be attacking people at random. Maybe for downplaying Emilia's current status, like what happened at the capital… Anyway, that's where you come in."
Puck tilted his head. "You want my help to track them down."
Subaru met his gaze. "I need your help to track them down."
Then, slowly, he let out a deep sigh.
"…You're really something else, Subaru," Puck murmured, shaking his head.
A long pause settles over in the room. Then—
"Don't make me regret this, boy," Puck finally said.
Subaru's grin returned in full force. "Wouldn't dream of it."
Puck sighed dramatically, stretching his tiny arms. "Lia would kill me if I ignored this, wouldn't she?"
"Without a doubt," Subaru said without hesitation.
Puck chuckled. "Fine. I'll help."
Subaru let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.
"But," Puck added, his gaze turning sharp again, "I have one condition."
Subaru raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Do tell."
Puck's tail flicked. "If I find out you're hiding something from Lia—if you're keeping something dangerous from her—I'll freeze you solid myself."
Subaru didn't even flinch. Instead, he grinned. "Fair enough."
And with that, the alliance was sealed.
"I'm gonna catch a cold with all of this ice magic thing," he amusingly thought while adjusting his sleeves.
The dining hall of Roswaal Manor was bathed in warm sunlight rays. A spread of delicacies lay untouched before the group, but Subaru had more pressing concerns than food.
He took a deep breath, steadying himself. This was going to be a gamble—but it was better than getting his head crushed in a dark hallway.
"Alright, before we get too comfortable—did I do anything suspicious lately?"
Silence fell over the table.
Rem's blue eyes flicked toward him with that unreadable look that made his stomach turn. Ram barely acknowledged his question, only arching a delicate eyebrow.
Emilia, seated beside him, gave him a perplexed glance before sighing. Her lips then curled into an amused smile.
"Hmm, that's a tricky question," Emilia mused, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Subaru, you're always acting strange."
"Emilia-tan!" Subaru groaned, clutching his chest in mock pain. "That cuts deeper than you know."
"It's true," she giggled. "You're loud, you make weird gestures, and you keep saying things that don't make sense." She tilted her head innocently. "But I don't think that's suspicious. That's just you."
"See, now that is the correct answer," Subaru nodded sagely, throwing a brief glance at Rem. "Though I feel like someone in this room thinks differently."
Ram, who had remained mostly silent, finally leaned forward, resting her chin in her palm. "Barusu," she drawled, "Ram would be more concerned if you weren't acting like a fool."
"Ouch, Ram-chi, I'd be offended if I wasn't used to this by now."
Rem was unnervingly still, her expression betraying nothing.
"...Why are you bringing this up?" she finally asked.
Subaru steeled himself, keeping his voice light, almost casual. "Because last time, I got accused of being a Witch Cultist, and I'd really like to avoid that happening again."
That got a reaction.
Emilia blinked in surprise, her lips parting slightly. Ram raised an eyebrow. Rem, however, stilled completely.
Roswaal, who had been quietly observing, let out a low, amused chuckle.
"Ohh myy, Subaru-kun," he murmured, his heterochromatic eyes gleaming with intrigue. "You're quite the fascinating one, aren't you? Tuuurning suspicion into an open discussion—how… delightful~."
Subaru didn't let Roswaal's amusement distract him. He kept his focus on Rem.
And just as he expected—she didn't let it slide.
Her expression turned serious, her previous aloofness vanishing.
"I don't accuse people lightly, Subaru-kun," she said, her voice measured, cool. "But there is something undeniable about you."
Subaru exhaled sharply. Here we go.
"You carry the scent of the Witch," Rem declared. "And not just faintly. It's potent. Too potent."
The room tensed.
Subaru felt a chill slither down his spine despite already knowing this. He forced a smirk. "Oh yeah? And here I was hoping I smelled like hard work and determination."
Beatrice, seated nearby, wrinkled her nose, setting down her half-eaten pastry. "Hmph. It's ruined Betty's food, in fact. Betty would rather you smell like anything else, I suppose."
"I can't control it," Subaru shrugged, leaning back in his chair. "Should I buy some perfume to conceal it?"
Roswaal hummed, tapping his fingers together in amusement. "Ooh? Now that would be a siiight~ What fragrance would you pick, I wonder?"
Ram scoffed before Subaru could answer. "Knowing Barusu? It would be something cheap and unfitting."
"Ghk–", Subaru placed a hand over his heart, gasping dramatically. "Ram-chi, you wound me."
Rem, however, did not share in their amusement.
Her fingers curled into the fabric of her skirt—"how could they laugh when the Witch's stench clung so thickly to him?"
"How can you all joke about this?" she finally asked, bewilderment creeping into her voice. "This isn't a minor issue. The Witch's scent is proof of a connection—one that should not be ignored."
A heavy silence lingered in the dining hall, the playful banter from earlier fading into the tense atmosphere that now pressed down upon them.
Subaru could feel the weight of Rem's unwavering glare, cold and sharp as a blade against his skin. But before she could voice any further suspicions, a sigh broke the silence.
"Hmph. Honestly, what a pain, I suppose," Beatrice muttered, setting her teacup down with an annoyed clink. She crossed her arms, her drill-like curls swaying as she turned her piercing gaze toward Rem. "You're making quite the fuss, but the Witch's scent alone doesn't mean someone is a Cultist, in fact. Both you and Betty examined this fool when he arrived, did we not? And what did we find?"
Rem stiffened, but Beatrice pressed on.
"No gospel," Beatrice stated firmly. "None of those foul, insipid texts that those deranged lunatics clutch to their chests like lifelines. If he were one of them, he would have one. But he doesn't. So drop it already."
Emilia let out a breath of relief, her tense shoulders relaxing as she turned toward Beatrice with warm gratitude. "Beatrice… thank you," she murmured, offering a small but sincere smile.
Subaru thought, "Uh?! When did they—?", but then remembered that moment where only the three of them, Beatrice, Rem, and himself, were in the Forbidden Library, and he had passed out from mana deprivation. "I suppose they suspected me even then."
But the reassurance did not soothe everyone.
Rem's hands clenched into tight fists, her nails digging into her palm. Her jaw locked, and Subaru could practically feel the heat of her growing anger. Then, with a sharp inhale, she snapped.
"That proves nothing!" she spat, her voice edged with frustration. "What if he hid his gospel somewhere before coming here? What if he's deceiving us all? We should apprehend and interrogate him as soon as possible, for our safety!"
A chill crept into Subaru's spine at her words. His breath hitched. "Whoa, hey, hold on a second—"
"If Subaru-kun is truly innocent," Rem continued, her icy glare pinning him in place, "then he should have no issue cooperating."
Her words sliced through the air like a dagger, her meaning clear. Prove your innocence, or be treated as an enemy.
The room fell silent.
Subaru swallowed hard, glancing toward Emilia, who looked calm and silent.
Then, as if a switch had flipped, Rem's expression softened, her posture straightening as she took a step back. She lowered her head slightly, her voice regaining its usual calm.
"...Forgive me," she murmured. "I have not acted as a proper maid should. I lost my composure before my master."
But her next words were just as sharp as before.
"However," she added, her voice firm, "Subaru-kun is still suspicious."
Before anyone could react, Beatrice let out an exaggerated sigh, shaking her head. "What nonsense, I suppose. Your logic is flawed. No Cultist would ever leave their gospel behind. It is the core of their faith. To part with it willingly would be unthinkable."
Rem's gaze flickered toward Beatrice, a shadow of hesitation in her blue eyes. "Beatrice-sama—"
"And besides," Beatrice continued, her expression turning serious, "you misunderstand something fundamental about miasma."
Subaru blinked. "Huh?"
"Miasma is not proof of devotion to the Witch. It's merely corrupted mana, in fact. You make it sound as if it's inherently evil—but that's a mistake, I suppose."
Rem frowned, her voice quiet but firm. "Every person I have ever met who emitted the Witch's scent was a Cultist. Every single one."
A soft chuckle echoed through the room.
"Oho~," Roswaal finally spoke, his mismatched eyes gleaming with amusement. "While that may be truuue, Rem, miasma is still mana, is it not? And mana, like all power, can be uuused in many ways~."
Subaru tensed at his tone, a creeping unease settling over him.
Roswaal leaned forward, steepling his fingers. "Miasma can corrupt, yes—but it can also strengthen. The Witch Cultists do not simplyyy endure it; they use it. It is not just a 'curse'—it is a tooool. A tool that grants them power, buuut at a cost."
He smirked, tilting his head slightly. "Most peeeoople cannot withstand it for long. It warps the mind, chips away at reason. Those who try to wiiieeld it usually succuuumb to madness."
A shudder ran down Subaru's spine. "'Usually'?" he echoed uneasily.
"There are exceptions," Roswaal mused, his gaze flickering toward him knowingly. "Some people… for whatever reasooon… develop a tolerance for miasma. They may still attract witchbeasts and face the cooonsequences of its presence—but they do not faaall to its corruption."
At this, Emilia's breath hitched. A memory stirred within her—a creeping, unspoken suspicion that had lingered at the edge of her mind for years.
"Attracting witchbeasts…" she murmured, her fingers tightening around the fabric of her dress. "Could that be why…?"
She trailed off, lost in thought.
Rem, however, was far from finished. Her next words froze Emilia in place.
"Then explain this, Subaru-kun," Rem said coldly. "Why is it that Emilia-sama is now emitting the Witch's scent as well?"
The room fell into stunned silence.
Emilia and Subaru's eyes widened. "What?" they exclaimed at the same time.
"Beatrice-sama," Rem turned toward the spirit, her tone sharp and demanding. "Please."
Beatrice frowned, as if she found the entire conversation tedious, but then, she admitted. "...She's right, in fact," Beatrice admitted. "Even now, the naive girl is emitting miasma. Not as strongly as this fool, but perceptible nonetheless, I suppose."
Emilia stared at Beatrice, her lips slightly parted, struggling to comprehend what she had just heard. "That can't be… I've never…"
She trailed off, pressing a hand to her chest as if trying to feel something within herself.
Subaru, for the first time since the conversation started, felt truly afraid.
Rem bowed, her expression grim. "Emilia-sama, please rest assured. I have absolutely no doubt about you. The scent emanating from you was not there before."
"Before Subaru-kun came with you from the capital, that is." she pointed, staring at Subaru.
A low, amused chuckle echoed once more. "Ohoho~," Roswaal's voice hummed in delight. "Now this is intereeesting~."
Subaru felt his blood run cold as Rem looked towards him, eyes burning with suspicion.
"Like Roswaal-sama explained," she said, her voice slow and deliberate, "miasma can be used as a tool to spread corruption."
Her gaze locked onto his, full of quiet malice.
"What if you came here," she said, "not to simply stay with Emilia-sama… but to corrupt her with your own stench?"
Her voice sharpened to a dagger's edge. "What if your plan was to enroll her into your own agenda all along?"
Emilia's hands curled into fists in her lap. Her voice trembled, but not with fear—only frustration.
"That's ridiculous!" she shot back, her amethyst eyes burning with defiance. "Subaru would never do something like that to me!"
Her words rang through the dining hall, hanging in the tense air like a protective shield cast around Subaru.
But the weight of Rem's suspicion remained.
"How do I even fight back against this?" Subaru had thought. If everyone here thought he was corrupting Emilia, what could he do to prove otherwise?
Subaru let out a short, bitter chuckle. "Hate to break it to you, but I don't remember getting close enough to you for my smell to rub off on you, Emilia-tan."
He forced a grin, trying to lighten the mood. "Unless I've been sleepwalking and rolling around in your bedsheets, I think I'd remember something like that."
"Barusu, you are a pervert," Ram deadpanned.
Subaru sputtered. "Wha— Excuse me?! Where did that come from?"
"It's the only logical conclusion," she said smoothly, taking a sip of her tea. "If your scent has somehow tainted Emilia-sama, the simplest explanation is that you are doing indecent things while no one is watching."
"I—You—Hold on! That's insane!" Subaru flailed. "I'm telling you, I didn't do anything!"
Ram tilted her head in mock contemplation. "That's exactly what a pervert would say."
Subaru groaned, dragging a hand down his face. "This is a witch trial, isn't it?"
The casual exchange earned a small, reluctant giggle from Emilia. But despite the moment of levity, Subaru felt a cold weight settling in his chest.
Because deep inside, he was terrified.
What if—even without realizing it—he had done something to her?
The thought slithered into his mind like a parasite, coiling tightly around his sanity.
He wanted to deny it outright—of course, he did! But then again… why did she care about him so much?
Why did she get angry for his sake? Why was she so quick to defend him?
Was it really just because she was kind?
Or was it because something in him had tainted her?
He was weak. He was useless. He was the kind of guy people ignored, discarded, and forgot. So why was Emilia—who shone so brightly—choosing to stand by him?
His fingers clenched under the table.
"What if it wasn't real?"
What if everything—the way she looked at him, the way she smiled at him, the way she trusted him—wasn't really Emilia?
What if it was something he had done?
"What if the only reason she cares about me… is because I somehow influenced her?"
His breath caught in his throat.
"Wouldn't that explain it?"
Wouldn't that explain why someone like Emilia, a girl who could talk to spirits, a girl leagues above him in every way, would care about him?
Unconsciously, his gaze dropped, his shoulders curling inward. His mind spiraled faster and faster, drowning in self-doubt—
"Oi."
A soft yet firm voice cut through the fog in his head. Puck.
The little spirit had been silent through most of the discussion, his tail flicking lazily as if he had no interest in interfering.
Now, his blue eyes were locked onto Subaru with startling intensity.
"You're thinking something really stupid, aren't you?"
Subaru flinched. "Wha—?"
Puck sighed, rubbing the bridge of his tiny nose with a paw. "Guess I can't just sit back and let you be an idiot, huh?"
His tail flicked as he hopped onto the table, fixing Rem with a serious look. "You're barking up the wrong tree, kitten. Lia emitting miasma, huh? That's not something that suddenly started happening because of Subaru."
Rem tensed slightly. "How can you say that with such confidence, Puck-sama?"
Puck stretched with a yawn before continuing. "Lia would sometimes attract a lot of Witchbeasts when we were in the Elior Forest."
Emilia turned to him, her eyes widening slightly. "Puck…"
Puck scratched behind his ear. "Back then, I figured it was just a weird phenomenon. But thinking about it now, it probably means she's always emitted miasma—just not all the time." He shrugged. "The fact that it happened now looks more like a coincidence to me."
"Puck…" Subaru breathed, a grateful smile widening on his face.
Emilia blinked. "That's… true," she murmured, pressing a hand to her chest as if recalling something distant. "It happened more than once. I thought it was just bad luck, but if it was the miasma…"
Ram's brow furrowed slightly. "Then the wolgarm attack days ago…"
Emilia turned pale, her hands trembling as a horrifying realization dawned on her.
"…It was me." She barely whispered it.
Subaru's head snapped up at the despair in her voice.
"I thought—" Emilia swallowed, her throat tightening. "I thought it was just a coincidence, but if I was the reason they came… then… I—"
Her hands trembled slightly.
The villagers… The children in the village…
Had she…?
Had she put them in danger?
"Nope, nope, nope—hold it right there!"
Emilia flinched slightly as Subaru suddenly clapped his hands together, breaking through her downward spiral.
He began with, "Ram, did you forget? In the first place, the wolgarms managed to attack us because of the poor state of the barriers, amiright?"
Ram answered with a stoic face, "You are right. Very unusual of you, Barusu."
"Also, Emilia-tan," he continued, forcing a grin. "If we're playing the blame game, I'd say the Witchbeasts were way more into me than they were into you. Seriously, I think I've got the worse smell here."
Emilia looked up, startled. "Subaru… but…"
"Come on," he insisted, waving a hand dismissively. "Ok. What if we both stink? Ever think of that?"
She blinked, and a giggle bubbled up from Emilia's throat before she could stop it.
"We don't stink! You're ridiculous, Subaru," she said, shaking her head. But the tension in her shoulders had lessened.
Subaru beamed. "That's 'Mister Ridiculous' to you."
Emilia took a deep breath, releasing the tension that had built up inside her.
"...Thank you, Subaru," she said softly.
Subaru winked. "All part of the service, Emilia-tan!"
Rem, however, still looked skeptical.
Subaru turned back toward her, his smirk still in place but his tone shifting into something more deliberate.
"Alright, let's settle this, Rem."
Her blue eyes narrowed slightly. "How?"
"Okay, here's the thing," he said, crossing his arms. "I'm totally innocent. I've never met a witch cultist, and I definitely don't want to be one. But if you don't trust me, there's an easy solution!"
Rem's eyes narrowed slightly. "What are you suggesting?"
Subaru grinned. "You can just monitor me!"
A flicker of hesitation crossed Rem's face.
"If I was really trying to corrupt Emilia or scheme something shady," Subaru continued, "then having someone watching my every move would make it really hard, wouldn't it?"
Rem blinked. "…What?"
"You don't think I'm innocent? Fine. Keep an eye on me." He spread his arms wide, grinning. "Follow me around, monitor me, take notes on how much of an idiot I am—whatever makes you feel better."
He shot her a teasing look. "Welcome to the Official Subaru Surveillance Program. Membership is free, but unfortunately, the job comes with a lot of headaches."
Ram let out an amused snort. "Barusu, you're an idiot."
Rem pursed her lips, clearly torn between skepticism and… something else. But eventually, she nodded. "...Understood," she said. "I will be watching you, Subaru-kun."
Subaru beamed. "Perfect! But, uh—quick question. Do I get a cool codename?"
Rem gave him a flat look. "No."
Subaru sighed dramatically. "Man, tough crowd."
Breakfast concluded shortly after. The dining hall slowly emptied, the remnants of their meal left behind.
Subaru, lingering behind to help clear the table, casually gathered the dishes, humming to himself.
Then, as he reached for Emilia's plate—he noticed it.
A fork—bent almost beyond recognition. A spoon—twisted in an awkward angle. Table knives warped despite their thickness.
His lips curled into a small, knowing smile.
"You did good holding yourself back, Emilia-tan."
= END OF CHAPTER 15 =
Author's Notes :
How to write Subaru? Easy. Just think about the cringiest thing you could say in a serious moment.
But maybe that's the secret of social interactions after all? Maybe I should channel my inner Subaru more often from now on ? (I'd never, I'm the worst type of introvert)
For my own satisfaction more than anything else, I'll go for 3 chapters to conclude this arc.
DISCLAIMER : I don't own Re:Zero, it belongs to Tappei Nagatsuki the GOAT.