For Rebecca Durham- who gave me the idea for this story.
A Hamster Life:
Tuesday evening
I was yet again covered in garbage, aching all over and had only made $200 so far this month and couldn't pay the rent. Looking in at Rex in his new and fancy Tiny Tales Castle Connectable Hamster Home, I thought, "God, Rex has the perfect life. I wish I could have a simple life."
After showering, I went to bed, never seeing Diesel in the living room. He looked at Rex. "Are you up to company for the next few days?" Then he sent a couple of text messages, went into the bedroom and sprinkled a little magic dust on his sleeping friend.
Wednesday
I woke up to find I was now a tan and white spotted hamster in a Tiny Tales Comfy House Small Pet Habitat that was now connected to Rex's fancy castle cage and we were now on the dining room table.
There was a bowl with pieces of a Boston Crème donut as well as a bottle of fresh water, and fresh bedding under her feet. After eating, I explored the upstairs of this new home and wondered how long I would have the easy life of a hamster. But of course this was a dream… it had to be. Then I decided to take a nap.
At noon, my door opened. Joe Morelli came in, with a Pino's sub and on entering the dining room, broke off a piece and gave it to Rex. "Well, well, well, Rex, it looks like you not only got fancy digs, but you also got a new girlfriend. That's something I need to do. Get a new girlfriend who will live with me and love me, even if I do occasionally visit Terry… And Robin… and Gina… and somebody who will let me do the butt stuff I crave. And between me and you Rex, we both know Stephanie is way too strong a woman to cave on any of that. But she will do while I look around for something better."
Unbelievable. What a snake. After he had eaten the whole sub, he put the smallest piece of the roll on my side of the cage set-up. "Well, you two, Have fun. Stephanie said she would be in Atlantic City till Friday, and asked me to feed you at midday. She's gonna owe me big for this. And I can't wait to make her pay." And then he took off.
Friday? But today was only Wednesday. Was I going to be stuck in this hamster cage for three whole days?!
Just after six, my door opened again. I could tell by the silence of the entry, it had to be Ranger. After he said hello to Rex, he looked in on me.
"Well, hello there, little one. Stephanie said there was a surprise so you must be it." Then he got me out of my cage and held me. God, he smelled good.
"I am going to put you and Rex in two exercise balls so you can run around the apartment while I clean you cages and get food ready for you.
While Ranger worked, Rex and I explored the apartment, and once I got the hang of the ball, I had a lot of fun. Obviously, Rex was the pro and I wasn't nearly as fast, but we had such a good time. I was almost sorry that Ranger was so efficient at cleaning our cages. When we were back inside, Ranger surprised me when he turned on some jazz and sat on my couch with a cold beer from my fridge.
"You two are lucky, you know, living with such a kind woman. And she totally loves you. So much that I don't mind saying I am a bit jealous, really. I have said so many stupid things, when I don't know what to say…when I see all that love in her eyes… She's too good for me. And she always will be…"
When he finished his beer, he spoke again. "Being here helps to settle me, even when she isn't here. Just knowing she will be back soon… She really is the best thing in my Trenton life. Good night, you two. I will stop by again tomorrow night."
And he was gone.
Thursday
Connie arrived first thing in the morning, with a donut to split between me and Rex.
"Hey you two, I can't stay cause I have to open the office. It's so funny Stephanie getting a second hamster and a fancy cage when I know she hasn't made any money this month… I guess Ranger must have her working for him. That man really needs to tell her he loves her. I can't take much more of him asking me to give him the heads up each time she heads out after a skip. He really wants to hire her full time since she gets more done in a half day researching than his BEA team figures out in a week. But you know Stephanie- any time he tries to get her on board, she thinks it's a pity thing. Those two could drive a girl nuts!"
After that, Connie opened the curtains to let in some light and left.
Joe is late. It's already two thirty and he still isn't here.
Rex is chilling on his wheel, but I'm hungry.
Oh, wait, I hear the key in the door. Everything will be fine now.
Except things weren't fine. Because Terry Gilman is with Joe.
"Wow, what a shitty way to live. Why are you wasting your time with Plum?"
"I can't exactly marry a mobster, can I?"
Then I definitely heard them kissing… then moaning… then…
OH MY FUCKING GOD- HE'S TAKING HER INTO MY BEDROOM!
An hour later, after enduring them having sex on every surface in my apartment, other than the dining room table (and that only because Joe couldn't figure out how to move the hamster homes without damaging them) they got in the shower, and I hid in my bedding. I would have to beach my whole apartment. And burn my sheets…
I wasn't hungry any more.
I was numb.
How many people had he brought here when I wasn't home? How many women had laughed at where I live? I heard them leave and I cried myself to sleep.
At six o'clock, Ranger arrived, and he had treats for me and Rex, which he gave us straight away. Which was good because Joe had forgotten about us. But then Ranger noticed that the apartment was in some disarray, so he started to clean. He dusted, polished, swept and mopped and then I saw him come out of the bedroom with my sheets in a bundle. He grabbed a garbage bag and put them in it.
"Fucking Morelli- I know he is feeding you guys at mid-day, but he and his bimbo left this place a fucking mess. Stephanie shouldn't come home to this. He is such an asshole. How I ever suggested she go to him I will never know. Temporary insanity- had to be." He refiled our water bottles. "I am going to have to tell her. And it's going to make her so sad. But with all the illnesses that can be passed around, she needs to know she has to get checked… But it is still going to suck to tell her."
And Ranger left with the gross sheets. At least he saved me from having to burn them myself.
Friday
It was ten in the morning when Lula arrived and fed me and Rex. And she was full of stories about the beautiful new RangeMan, Ted Beara, who the guys call Teddy Bear. Apparently, they were going out tonight… Well, wouldn't that be interesting.
The afternoon went by with no sign of Joe Morelli. Life with a homicide detective. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt... Foolish of me, I now know. I am nothing more than a placeholding in his life. Because if he cared, he would be doing what he was asked to do.
I get that sometimes his schedule can be erratic, but he didn't even send someone to cover for him.
I guess I would have to wait for Ranger. I snuggled down to take a nap.
Ranger was worth the wait. He came in with new sheets and after saying hi and feeding us, then he unloaded a bunch of groceries in the fridge and cupboards. When that was finished, he set about making my bed. Then he came out, checked the lock, left his shoes by the door and came to check on us.
"Alright you two. I am going to catch a few winks till your lady arrives home. We have important things to discuss, and I don't want to wait anymore. See you in the morning."
Oh My God! I wouldn't sleep a wink
Except I did sleep. And I woke up in amazing sheets next to an incredible sexy man. My time as a hamster was over and I whispered in Ranger's ear.
"Wake up sleepy head." Luck for me, Ranger wakes up READY!
By the end of that weekend, I was a full time RangeMan employee, broken up with Joe Morelli and dating Ranger exclusively. He told me his intention was a permanent attachment in whatever form I wished and I was fine with that.
And I just loved my second hamster, Joy, since being her is how I ended up with all the joy in my life. I would have thought I had dreamed the whole thing, but a card from Diesel arrived in the mail. It had only two words.
"You're Welcome!"