"My Great aunt Marguerite Pewterschmidt died suddenly and left us a big summer mansion in the will, but Peter was under the impression we were rich now, so he went and lost $100 Million in a charity auction and tried to prove Cherry wood Manor was historically significant. Turns out it used to be a brothel. Abraham Lincoln, Robert and Ulysses S. Grant visited it at different times. So we got a good sum for the pictures."[1]
-Lois Griffin, Tabloid interview.
"Hey good news. My Dad Francis passed the interview. He's the Pope's Bodyguard now. Also my Mom came to stay with us and uh….…We gave her the old house since we live in the Pewterschmmidt Mansion now. She can have it."[2]
-Peter Griffin, private diary
December 31, 1999
Peter walked out from the 13th Step Liquor Store with a cart full of alcohol. Standing in front was a man dressed as a chicken, a sign advertising "Eat at Sam's Chicken Shack" draped over his body.
"Well looks like someone's going to have a big party tonight. You should….PICKAWWWPPP! A chicken strip party pack for all your friends. Here's a coupon.
The Chicken man extended out his hand with the coupon.
"Whoa Pal! I don't take coupons from Giant Chickens. Not after last time."
Peter stood before the cashier.
"Oh yeah and that nice chicken man gave me this coupon."
He handed it over.
"I'm sorry this is expired."
Peter turned to face the Chicken.
"You Bastard."
He reached out and made a move to grab at the Chicken's neck. He then came to a horrific realization. He thought it was a costume a somewhat creepy and pretty realistic costume, but not he felt it. The Feathers were real and he could feel a layer of flat flesh on his hands. He looked into its eyes. They blinked and in fact seemed to be watering with red puffy veins. He looked in the mouth expecting to see human eyes in there or a black wall to hide him but there was a uvula dangling there.
He realized the truth.
"Holy Crap?"
The Chicken…The Creature's beak pit out his eye.
Peter screamed in pain and clenched the bleeding area where the eye used to be.
His sense of Fight kicked in and though he was terrified of this thing, he charged and tackled it to the ground. It flapped its wings, trying to flying, only hovering as its talons swung, cutting through Peter's shirt and leaving large cuts through his stomach. He was able to shift towards grabbing its wing and away from the talons. Peter ripped, trying to tear off the limb. Unknown to him he had dislocated the bones. Flight was crippled, the creature now tried to run.
Nearby was a flight of stairs leading onto a bridge. Peter ran and grabbed the foot. The Chicken fell, failing to fly. He pounced, landing on its back, trying to use its weight to pin it down, but the strength of the beast proved too much and it roared as Peter was thrown off. He regained his footing and charged, this time he came in swinging, landing haymaker after haymaker on the creature. It tried to peck and swipe back. It may have been smart enough to hold coupons up but it lacked fighting skills, seeming like a frightened if dangerous animal. Peter pushed it towards the bridge.
Peter finally delivered an uppercut, surprising even himself the creature was thrown off the bridge and onto a moving truck below. It landed and sat up like a human. It seemed to squawk at him in anger as the truck departed.
Peter looked around., He had no visible way of catching up with it now…wait…
There was a truck coming…could he…no….
He went to one edge and decided to take a running start as it passed below him. He took off running and landed on the roof of the truck. It hurt like hell and he collapsed in pain. In fact without a solid grip, he nearly fell off had he not shot out a hand and grabbed a ladder on the side. He clutched it in pain. Then he turned and saw the Chicken flying at him, releasing a voracious screech as it came down on him, pouncing. It thankfully landed below him, and he began kicking it, but it was holding on.
Something happened, Peter didn't know what, but the weight somehow caused the truck to fall near a bridge as it was being raised. The Truck tumbled over and Peter and the Chicken let go, tumbling. Peter saw the creature trying to take off again. It seemed to have healed. He didn't understand what was driving him, he should have been terrified but all he wanted to do was kill this creature. He leaped on it and it took off. Remarkably he held on despite being airborne. It wasn't much, only a few feet. Likely something to do with the wings being to small to properly fly.
They crashed into an office window. The Chicken took the brunt. Both quickly got on their feet. Peter punching. He felt he had to as the creature could seriously damage him. He tackled it only for the creature to move behind him and tackle him through a wall. He collided with a printer. Thinking quickly he grabbed the creature's head and shoved it onto the scanner. It flashed several times, but Peter couldn't do enough.
Then he swore the creature was speaking to him in a raspy voice. How. he wasn't sure how if it could even speak.
"Your world will End. Y2k."
Peter had enough and picked up the Printer and brought it down on the creature's head. There was a sickening sound as the creature collapsed. Seemingly dead. The Printer covered in blood, which was now in a pool on the floor. The beast's eyes were open as were its mouth, giving the appearance of death.
An exhausted Peter breathed heavily before turning around and walking away. The office workers only looked at him.
"Chicken gave me a bad coup-"
He was tackled from behind and fell out the window. He quickly turned his body away. His back towards the pavement with the creature on his back. Both seemed to screamed. He closed he eyes and felt pain. When he opened them he was on top of the creature, which was not moving. It's eyes closed. He glanced at in and then in fear backed off. He ran away screaming in pain, before collapsing. He wanted to get away from it as soon as possible. The Police would pick him up. He'd tell the honest truth. There were witnesses that supported his story.
Peter felt a cold run down his spine when they told him that it had risen and ran off. People who did see it fled in terror, and at some point it had gone somewhere[3].
Peter and the rest of the Griffins sat in the basement loaded with supplies. All wearing hazmat suits and surrounded by supplies. All terribly bored and feeling very stupid.
"Oh, dear me, yes, yes. This is how I wanted to enter the new millennium. Locked in a basement with imbeciles dressed like a gay Neil Armstrong." said Stewie.
Brian was hoping to seduce a flutist he had been seeing for some time.
"Thanks a lot, Peter. Right now, I could be in Boston, pretending I give a rat's ass about Vivaldi."
"Yeah, and I could be getting felt up by Kevin."
Lois kneeled beside Meg.
"Now, Meg, don't you give it all away up front. Make him work for it. And shame on you, Peter. Scaring the kids with your nuclear-holocaust nonsense."
"You said "nuclear." It's "nucular," dummy. The "s" is silent."
"It's almost midnight."
The Family fell silent as they watched TV.
"We now go live to Tricia Takanawa. Tricia, what can you tell us?"
" Diane, Quahog's fabled alabaster clam is about to descend and usher in a new millennium."
Behind her the crowd chanted as the Clam descended.
"10, 9, 8…"
"This is it!"
"6, 5, 4…"
"Hold on tight!" said Peter.
"3, 2, 1. Happy New Year!"
The crowd cheered. Aud Lang Syne. plated. Brian looked at Peter.
"A flautist, Peter!"
Lois stood up.
" Well, I hope you're happy. Come on, kids. We can still make the party if we…"
That was when the plane crashed into their house and the roof nearly collapsed on them.
_
The words Happy New Year appeared across the United States stacked onto each other. A Final message from Damian Thorn in the event of his demise. Fortunately in what was likely insanity, he had prioritized the words appearing rather from space rather than actual targets like the major cities, but regardless many were unfortunate enough to be in the line of the words he was spelling out[4].
Among them:
Rawlins, Wyoming
Douglas Wyoming
Laramie, Wyoming
Sydney, Nebraska
Norfolk, Nebraska
Sioux City, Iowa
Emporia, Kansas
Columbia,Missouri
Jefferson City, Missouri,
, Missouri
Tucson, Arizona
Amarillo, Texas
Lubbock, Texas
Texarkana, Texas
Shreveport, Louisiana
Pine Bluff, Arkansas
Jonesboro, Arkansas
Other cities and towns came close, witnessing the nukes going off. Many fled from the fear of radiation.
The list of other cities hit around the world overtime included:
Los Angeles, U.S.
Washington D.C.,U.S.
Ottawa. Canada
Moscow, Soviet Union
London, UK
Rabat, Morocco
Rome,Italy
Canberra, Australia
Johannesburg, South Africa
Bamako, Mali
Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
Beijing, China
Another nuke hit British Columbia and another hit the north Pole, possibly intended to hit Santa's workshop[5].
_
The Griffins traveled from their mansion down to Spooner Street, which was in ruins. As they drove.
" Okay, we were wrong about the end of the world, and you were right. Can we please just drop it?"
Meg lowered her head.
" It's just not fair. I finally get a date with Kevin, and he gets vaporized!"
" He's just using that as an excuse." joked Chris, leading Meg to attack him. Lois ignored this.
" Let's just be grateful we survived the apocalypse healthy and mutation-free."
Brian and Peter had broken off to look for food elsewhere.
" Well, so much for finding food at the Stop 'N Shop."
" Figures. The one time I remember my Value Club Card."
" Wait a minute. I smell barbecue."
The two snuck around the ruins of Channel 5. They gasped at what they saw but were fortunately not scene. Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons were standing over a fire.
" So what do you think, Diane? Can I cook, or what?"
" Mmm, delicious, Tom. I guess we should be eating her with chopsticks."
Both laughed, Peter and Brian snuck away.
The Griffins packed their car. Chris brought out a plant.
" Come on, Woody. We're gonna search for food."
" Sorry, Chris. The plant can't come."
" It's his best friend."
"Lois, it'll just be another mouth to feed."
"It's a plant. Just leave it here."
Peter approached Chris.
" I'll take care of Woody, son."
He walked out. A gunshot was heard. Peter returned."
" What was that?"
" Nothing. Let's go."
" Go where? If there's no food in Quahog what makes you think there's gonna be food anywhere else?"
" Lois, everyone knows there are only two things that can survive a "nucular" holocaust cockroaches and Twinkies. And there's a Twinkie factory in Natick."
" Twinkies?"
"Yeah. I saw a story about them on A ."
And now back to A 's Biography, "Twinkie the Kid."
A couple sit on a couch.
" It was difficult for Twink to play with other children. He was different. He was definitely... He had no bones."
"And he couldn't really play any sports."
" Yeah. That's why, you know, we got him the lasso."
"Yeah."
" He'd spend hours in the backyard, playing Wonder Woman. He's gonna kill me."
" He loved that lasso. Not as much as the baton. But we put a stop to the baton. He was different enough, you know?"[6].
" We just gotta get to that Twinkie factory, and we'll have all the food we need."
Lois took one last look at Spooner Street.
" Well, good-bye, sweet home. Maybe someday we'll return."
" Hey, Joe, can you keep an eye on the place?"
" I might as well."
" Aw, jeez! Out of gas?"
" Hey, Dad, look!"
There was an old house not too far away. They got out and walked towards it. An old man sat on a chair on the porch.
" Well, howdy, strangers. You look plumb tuckered. Like to sit a spell?"
" Actually, we are tired."
" And hungry." responded Chris.
" Well, we got plenty of room here and all the fresh apples you can eat."
" Oh, Peter! We found a new home!"
" What are you talkin' about? We're going to Natick!"
" For what? A Twinkie factory that might not even exist anymore?"
Brian stood up for Meg.
" She's right. Besides, this place is paradise."
Another man stepped out of the house. Some of the family recognized him, but Peter spoke first.
" Randy Newman?"[7]
The family brought some apples back with them to Quahog. Peter went on his own to Natick and did find plenty of food there but no Twinkie factory. Rather than rebuilding on the ruins of Natick, which was largely abandoned due to mass panic. The survivors instead took to rebuilding the City of Quahog.
" Ah, excuse me, Mr. Mayor. We have an outsider who wishes to join our community."
Brian let the man in before Peter.
" Welcome to my fair city! If you want to become a citizen, you have to get a job."
" Well, before the disaster, I was a physician."
" That's terrific. We need a doctor." commented Cleveland.
" We sure do. Let's hope you get it. "
He held up a hat.
"Now pick a job out of the hat."
He picked one though visibly confused.
" Ah, "Village idiot." That's a good one. On Tuesdays, you get to wave your penis at traffic. Congratulations."
Joe leaned in.
"Peter, maybe we should just let him be a doctor."
" No! These are the rules of New Quahog. Besides, that's how everyone else got their jobs. And things have worked out fine so far."
Cleveland also got closer.
" Peter, no offense, but that's because we all pitched in."
Joe added.
"That's right. We built schools, and hospitals."
"Yeah, not to mention the theater." Brian pitched in, though he himself used it the most, currently playing Truman Capote.
" We have everything we need. And no crime, no guns, no pollution."
" Brian's right. We've left ourselves defenseless. Guys, we need to make some guns."[8]
[1] The mansion is never seen again after this episode despite the Griffins technically owning it. Here they moved in.
[2] Honestly I'm surprised Peter can write, but he did write a series of Erotic Novels in universe. It's just that he rights In the same way he speaks.
[3] Yeah its tough to do the giant chicken fight realistically so the compromise is its origins are not yet revealed and it is far more monstrous. Fights with the giant chicken are more likely Peter trying not to die as this wild animal attacks him. While I'm not sure how many fights he will have. They will likely be more like fighting a slasher villain than a head on fight. Peter would be terrified as would anyone when facing a giant chicken but at some point fight or flight kicks in and in this case Peter went for fight. In the actual episode, the man dressed as a chicken gave the Y2K warning but since the Giant Chicken's origin is a mystery here it seemed to add more if the monstrosity of unknown origin gave the Y2K warning.
[4] Own the actual episode the spelling out of the words was just a coincidence. Here the shared universe means Damien Thorn, who was President of the United States and the Antichrist in South Park: Real Time, left the Y2K event in the case he was defeated. The listed dates came from super imposing the lights on a real US Map to see which Cities were caught in the blast of the lettering.
[5] These are assumptions based on where nukes are seen hitting on a shot from space mixed with another similar shot from the Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror episode "Life's a Glitch, Now you Die." also depicting Y2K.
[6] Intentionally didn't clarify if Twinkie the Kid is human or not. If you do interpret him as human then him having no bones refers to Osteogenesis imperfecta, or "Brittle Bones Disease" where the bones can break easily. In that case the Twinkie the Kid mascot character was based on a real person.
[7] In the original episode Randy Newman singing about everything they did made them leave though actual Randy Newman does not do so.
[8] A few differences but the main one is Stewie isn't mutated horribly as such a level of radiation would likely kill him and he's smart enough not to stand on toxic waste. Also their idea of having guns isn't seen as insane as in this timeline, most remember the Demons from the averted Rapture and the idea of looters and hostile survivors. with guns would means guns would seem like a good idea.
So yeah this came very close to changing the entirety of the show early on. It does help to differentiate it from the other Real Times such as Simpsons: Real Time where they are now in Space, meaning events on Earth don't impact them as much and South Park: Real Time where the town is remote enough as Family Guy: Real Time is now post-apocalyptic, giving it a bit of an edge.