The Battle of Basgiath was two weeks ago, and I haven't been alone for more than five minutes since that first morning. Violet, Imogen, Bodhi, and Garrick have appointed themselves my personal babysitters. So it's Imogen who follows me down to the Archives to meet up with Jesinia when I finally have a few minutes to check in on her research.
However, Imogen has no idea what I've been working on with her or how we spent the morning after the battle explaining it all to Violet and Brennan. So I quickly needed to explain the prophecy theory on the walk over once we get past the crowded infirmary wing.
"You think Violet is Prophecy Girl?" Imogen asks. "Gods, she can't possibly be that good in bed that you actually think–"
"Yeah, I appreciate you stalking me out of concern or whatever, but we're not good enough friends for you to try and make jokes like that." I cut her off, and she rolls her eyes at me.
"I just mean, you really think there's a prophecy?"
"I don't know if it's a prophecy, but with Andarna having waited 600 years for her, and with the venin taunting me for months about how she can command the sky… yeah, I think there's something to it. At least her signet"
"And Liam comes into this how?" She asks, having interrupted me mid-explanation.
"Not Liam, but Liam's months family– Jesinia thinks some ancestor of his was the first to bond a red dragon, and something about how the middle brother from the Origin was gifted runes by the Gods which he used to channel and became the first venin," I explain. "She's pretty sure it being Liam's family isn't super relevant. But you and I know something is to be said for direct descendants bonding–" She looks at me, having said the thing we never say aloud: that she has a second signet. And not just any second signet but one previously thought impossible– all because of the significance of dragons bonding in the direct family line.
"And that's why she's so invested in runes being the way to defeat the venin? Because she thinks runes started the venin? And I guess a connection to why the Mairi's are so good at runes too then…"
"She thinks runes are involved." I shrug. "And she thinks they can help with my… situation," I add vaguely.
"Cool," Imogen shrugs. Accepting my explanation as we walk into the archives and spotting Jesinia surrounded by innumerable books.
The feeling in the archives hits me strangely as we approach. Like, the power in here is stronger than the rest of the citadel. It can't be because we're underground. I don't get this feeling going into the interrogation chamber… maybe it's the books, the power contained in the books, and Gods knows how many secret passages.
I put my hands in my pockets to avoid reaching for it and get a sideways glance from Imogen at my movement. Thankfully, she doesn't comment, and I focus on the task at hand.
Jesninia has been asked to find Andarna's den, how to counter the runes that created the wyvern, how to translate the wyvern rune, Brennan's rune scar, and all the runes on the wardstone, and still dig into the Mairi's connection to the three brothers due to her curiosity. All of which while being tested and bullied by Colonel Markham. The other two scribe cadets that came to Aretia are, too, but Jesinia is widely considered the ringleader in this part of the collage.
Somehow, my desprate need to drain fucking everything doesnt seem as bad when I take a closer look at the books in several different languages stacked up along side her.
I need to head out in this fucking blizzard for another patrol in a few minutes, but this is one of the only times I can speak to Jesinia without Vioelt, and she has enough on her plate, with preparing for the meeting with the Senarium later today, and focusing her attentions on how Andarna's den may be able to contribute to how we defeat them and the possible cure.
And since Tairn doesn't like talking about what happened with Brennan and Naolin, she was taken off rune duty. And given the search for Andarna's den being essentially a combat mission– probably. I'm keeping my knowledge on the subject need to know so I dont accidently tell the venin fucking everything when I inevitably end up with them.
"Anything to report?" I sign to Jesinia as if it were a briefing when Imogen and I take our seats across from her.
"Not especially." She confirms, looking exhausted. "The den of the red dragons keeps coming up in relation to the Barrens, but I haven't made a connection to the relevance of the red dragons and the Mairi family other than the obvious– that nearly all Mairi's have bonded a red daggertails. And nothing yet on the runes. Mira will be coming back from Aretia in a couple of days, and she's bringing me notes from Trissa and, hopefully, some news– but some of that news is not to be shared with you."
"I'm sorry you're keeping so many secrets. I just…. Don't want to risk knowing too much," I tell her.
"I get it," she shrugs. "And it's not like I'm doing anything else. Markham has made it clear that our three months off in Aretia will be… problematic for our continued studies here."
"Is there anything I can–"
"You and Violet have done enough. All I need is that pardon I hear the Senarium is still working on."
I smile at her, and she shows me more of her research until I need to get out to Sgaeyl. Who still isn't speaking to me more than a word or two when absolutely necessary, and Imogen peels off to speak with Garrick and Bodhi while I reach the flight field.
I don my flight jacket, quickly admiring my Second Lieutenant ranking before buttoning it up on my way to the flight field. Who knew deserting and betraying your kingdom would get you promoted?
By the time I reach the flight field, Garrick is catching up with me, and Chase is already seated on his dragon. To Garrick's annoyance, Exal is also on our patrol, being stationed at Basgiath post-battle, and still friendlier with Imogen than he apparently approves of.
"Morning," Garrick greets the three of us, and they reply similarly. Garrick catching my eye in a look I've come to refer to as the you've been unsupervised for possibly a single minute, and so I assumed you must have channeled again and ran off with the venin, look.
"Xaden, I was speaking with Imogen just now–" Garrick starts quietly.
"Good, I hope you two have finally worked your shit out."
"With Bodhi." He clarifies, not interested in discussing his situationship.
"Unexpected, but happy for the three of you."
"Shut up," he says, shaking his head. He's still by far the most pissed at me for pulling power from the source and turning venin, and it shows. "We're worried about you, or actually. We're worried about Violet. I know you're taking this seriously, but she seems to trust you a little too much."
"Yeah, which I've been working on getting her to do for the last 6 months, so I'm feeling pretty good about that."
"I'm being serious."
"I know. And I've said similar things to Violet before, and probably will again, but it's been two weeks, and even though I still… want to…." I pull him aside and lower my voice further, even though Case and Exal are engrossed in their own conversation. "Barlowe told them that his longest stretch without channeling was 38 days. I have 14. I'm going for 76 before I can try to worry less. In the meantime. I am taking this seriously, you have no idea how seriously. I don't even let myself touch Violet. I don't need you and Bodhi and Imogen looking for reasons to make this harder."
"You don't tough her… like at all?"
"Not in any way that might make me... lose focus."
"Then maybe moving to a different room–"
"Not happening. I'll be the first one to back off if I get anywhere near hurting her, but for now, she's the only thing keeping me even slightly sane." I say, and he looks at me, clearly unsure, but we both move to our dragons.
"Thinking about talking to me today?" I ask Sgaeyl and get no reply. "Excellent. Well, I hear we have a short one today, just up and down the Iakobos River. We shouldn't be in the snow too long. I know you don't like the cold."
I continue muttering to her as we split into pairs for the patrol, hoping for some reaction while we fly, but the most I get is just a spark of annoyance thrown at the bond. When we turn back, having found no venin, nor any sign of venin, I begin to feel it.
There's a pull. There are venin here.
Sgaeyl lowers in altitude without needing to be asked; being in my head, she knows what this feeling is. It's the same thing we've done 17 times now.
My status as an initiate means I can sense other venin, and I've been able to use that to my advantage these last few weeks since the battle. So far, only Garrick knows. Unless he's told the rest of my minders too- but there is an embarrassment factor to it because sensing them means they can sense me. Because I'm one of them now.
The closer to the citadel we get, the more I begin to realize where I sense them.
"Tell Garrick and Chradh– they're in the quadrant... It feels like they're moving underground."
Sgaeyl lands in the courtyard, and I dismount, running ahead. I know Chardh was right behind me, and Sgaeyl will need to launch to make sure the others have room to land, so I don't bother waiting.
"Please relay that they're in the interrogation chamber. At least four… maybe more? It's hard to tell exactly."
"And how would you like to explain that you know this?" She asks me, finally speaking at least.
"I'll figure that out later."
I enter Basgiath and head towards the stairwell leading down to where they kept Violet, where Jack Barlowe is now. Are they here for Barlowe? Surely they wouldn't be trying to rescue an initiate? He might have brought down the wards, but really, that was just due to proximity, not skill. Unless he knows more than he's let on...
I can hear several sets of footsteps behind me as I start down the stairs, and that's when I begin to realize it. A silver presents in the back of my mind. That same presents I've been blocking out so fervently for weeks now, trying to make sure I don't infiltrate her mind and learn more than I should… Violet is here.
Of fucking course she is. Because why wouldn't she run into the interrogation chamber she still has flashbacks and nightmares about being locked in for 5 days– just to kill Amari knows how many venin.
As a fucking cadet.
I'll kill anyone and anything that comes close to touching her.
"Ah, the lightning wielder. You're a long way from the sky, and we both know you can't kill me with that knife," A venin says to her as I reach the chamber. My shadows begin to flood in, and they tell me Rhiannon and Ridoc are here too. It looks like Rhiannon was about to kill the one speaking to Violet, but not anymore. I'll get there first. And I don't care who's standing in my way, she better move.
"I won't have to," Violet says to the venin, and my shadows fill the entire room, stronger than ever before. I let a small shadow wrap around Violet and brush her cheek to let her know I'm here while my shadows solidify around as many alloy hilted daggers as I can locate– the three I have on me, but also a few that had fallen in the fight with Second Squad as well, and they all find their mark, through the flesh of each dark wielder who came anywhere the fuck near Violet.
I managed to stop myself from slicing them into Rhiannon and Ridoc, and the shadows dissipate, revealing the bodies of the venin present and the three cadets in the room.
I take a step towards Violet, who is unsparingly standing in the center of it all.
"Tell me something, Violence." I feel the corner of my mouth rise. "Why is it always you?"
"It isn't always–"
"It is, though," I interrupt.
"Again. You can't leave any for the rest of us?" Garrick jokes from the stairwell with Exal and Chase.
"Run faster," I shrug, "and not all of these bodies are mine. Second Squad seems to have taken care of a few before I arrived." I smile at Violet in approval. "How did they get in?"
"Don't know, they were dressed as scribes and drained… they drained all the wounded outside of the infirmary. The ones in the overflow beds," She explains.
"Fuck" Garrick whispers and the others agree.
"Right. We'll have to tell who, Pancheck? Everyone else is busy with negotiations," Rhiannon says, taking charge again despite how significantly all the lieutenants outrank her.
"How fun," Violet mutters and takes my hand, leading the way out of the interrogation chamber.
We all make our way to Pancheck's office, Exal and Chase staying behind to take care of the bodies, and I tell Chase and the rest of second squad that Violet informed me through the bond with our dragons that the venin were there, only getting one confused look from Violet who knows thats a lie before she masks it, and it takes less than an hour to retell the story of what Second Squad saw, getting almost no reaction from Pancheck.
Garrick worries aloud about the significance of the venin apparently going after Barlowe when we make our way out of the academic wing.
"It's not always me," Violet whispers again, reaching for my hand. I lace our fingers and bring her hand up to my lips before teasingly replying.
"It is."
Words cannot describe the tunnel vision I felt in the interrogation chamber. I was going to kill them all anyway, but when I realized Violet was there, my need to protect her outweighed the fact of the venin. I would have killed Rhiannon and Ridoc if I held just slightly less control. It's only been two weeks. I thought I was getting a handle on it, but it might be getting harder.
"You know, that whole slay-them-in-darkness thing was badass," Riodc says to me, "but I totally had him."
"You didn't," I reply dryly, and Garrick laughs. The sound pulling me back and reminding me I should want to make my friend laugh.
"I was about to have him," Ridoc insists.
"You weren't." I almost smile, feeling human again.
"How could you possibly know that?" He asks, and I don't need my inntinnsic abilities, or how they seem to be growing, in order to know he really wasn't. I look over to Garrick, and we share a look at the cadet's expense. It's
almost like he doesn't hate me anymore when we're like this.
He isn't getting over it, but his disappointment in me is... well, it's getting better, at least.
"Because you were on one side of the room, but your blade was on the other," Garrick points out to Ridoc.
"A problem I was in the middle of solving," he shrugs.
As we reach the ground floor, nearing the great hall where I know Second Squad was heading with Violet, I pull Violet back a bit to spend possibly just a minute alone with her. Time that has been harder to come by in the last few weeks when both of us have been busy. We're usually asleep when we're together now.
"We should check on the others, you headed to the great hall?" Rhiannon asks Violet, apparently seeing my move to hold her back. Violet nods, and even through my shields, I can feel her nervousness spike. "You're ready. You've got this. Want us to walk you over?"
"No. Go check on the squad; I'll find you afterward." Violet asks them.
"We'll be waiting," Ridoc says as he and Rhiannon walk away towards the infirmary to check on Sawyer and the others.
"Everything all right?" Garrick asks, looking at me and Violet.
"It will be if you give us five minutes alone," I insist, letting some frustration enter my voice. Though not too much, hopefully. Garrick looks worriedly at Violet and nods slowly. "For fuck's sake. You trust her to babyside me at night, don't you?"
"Don't act like I'm the reason you need to be supervised." He argues back, and the shadows in the hall come in closer. I don't even mean for them to.. It's like I'm a first year again with how much control I have over my signets now.
"It's fine," Violet insists to Garrick. "I'm fine. He's fine. All fine"
"I'll be close by," Garrick adds, stepping around the corner. As if he could stop me from channeling. If anything, he's probably more likely to provoke me.
With the shadows, I can feel he's only a few yards away. He'll be able to hear us if he tries to.
"Damn it" I mutter, letting go of Violet's hand and leaning against the wall. "I never realized how much I like alone time until I didn't have any."
"I'm sorry," Violet says, stepping in between my legs and reaching her arms up to me. Gods, she's beautiful.
"Don't be. He has every right to worry about leaving me alone with you," I confirm and move my hands to hers where she rests them against my neck.
"I trust you," She says so earnestly. Gods… I'll be the death of her.
"You shouldn't." I remind her, letting my hands drop to her waist and holding her close. I don't deserve you, but I'm going to keep you. That's what I told her back in July when she told me she loved me. Fuck. I didn't even realize how true that was then. She should run from me. "I'm pretty fucking sure the only reason he and Bodhi arent sleeping at the foot of our bed is that they know I would have killed them for it before, let alone now"
"In the spirit of transparency, I should tell you they'd like me to reconsider our sleeping arrangements," Violet says, moving a hand to my chest.
A small burst of rage rushes through me before I'm able to shut it down, and I'm reminded yet again that they're entirely right.
"Maybe you should."
"That's not happening. I told Imogen to get fucked"
I smile despite myself. "I'm sure you did."
"They'll stop hovering as soon as you're cured," Violet insists. The plan to identify the runes used on the wardstone so we can figure out how they prevent magic not channeled through a dragon from being accessed has made almost no progress in the last two weeks. And Violet's additional research into Andarna's breed of dragon, on top of extra patrols and preparing for this meeting with the Senarium means she hasn't been able to spend as much time as she would like on it, the cure, making her frustrated and inpatient, and the best way to ease her tension is off the table these days…
I can feel myself tense at the pressure my situation has put her in, not just the danger I pose, but the pressure to find a cure, and possibly save the continent if the prophecy is real. It can't possibly be easy to live with.
"You ready to meet with the Senarium?" I ask, changing the subject.
"Yes," she nods, "and don't change the subject. I will find a way to cure you."
I almost smile at how closely aligned our thoughts are, even when I've been making sure to block her out to keep her safe from me.
"Let me in," she asks, just like I did when she found out I was inntinnsic and she was blocking me. Guilt fills me, knowing how painful it was when she was blocking me, so I lower my shields enough to let her in, reveling in the feeling of that silvery thread that connects us in my mind. "You wielded your signet today behind the wards," she asks through the bond.
"I channeled from Sgaeyl," I confirm, wrapping my arms around her more tightly.
"Did she tell you we were in trouble?" She asks, referencing what I told Pancheck and the others.
I shake my head, missing Sgaeyl almost as much as I miss Violet's touch. "She's still not speaking to me. Flying is awkward as fuck"
"I'm so sorry," She says, pulling me closer into a hug. "She'll come around."
I rest my head on top of Violet's, breathing in her scent. "She knows I'm not… whole. She senses it"
She pulls back urgently. "You're whole," she whispers out loud. "I don't know what you paid to access that power, but it didn't change you–"
"It did," I insist, and step out of her grip.
"Do you still love me?" She asks bluntly.
"What kind of question is that?"
"Do. You. Still. Love. Me?" she asks again, leaning closer to me.
I reach for her, bringing her lips closer than I have in weeks, wishing desperately that I could risk more. "I could reach the rank of Maven, lead armies of dark wielders against everyone we care for, and watch every vein in my body turn red as I channel all the power in the continent, and I would still love you. What I did doesn't change that. I'm not sure anything can."
"See? You're still you," She insists, her eyes falling to my mouth, making me crave her taste even more. "Telling me you're capable of horrible things while still loving me is pretty much your idea of foreplay."
She jokes but Gods… I want her. And with my heightened senses, I can't help but notice her raised heart rate, the shift in the dilation of her pupils. She wants me to.
"That should scare the shit out of you Violet."
"It doesnt" she says, rising up on her toes to kiss me so softly I could fucking scream. It's not enough. It will never be enough. "Nothing about you scares me. I won't run Xaden."
"Damn it" I take a step away, needing her more then I need air but knowing I cant fucking have her. "With my shields up, I didn't know you were in the interrogation chamber until I was halfway down the stairs," I tell her, needing her to understand I'm not the same as I was.
"What? Then how did you know to come help?"
"I sensed them the same way they sense me," I admit to her.
"That's not possible."
"It is," I insist. "That's how I know I've changed, how Garrick and I have managed to slay more than a dozen of them this week. I can feel them calling to me, just like I can feel the source pulsing beneath my feet with its incomparable power.. Because I'm one of them. Scared yet?"
"Scared of you?" she says after a moment. "Never."
"You will be," I whisper, more to myself than to her, reminding myself that this is temporary, that my time with her is running out.
"Your five minutes are up," Garrick says, as if mocking my thoughts. "And Violet has a meeting to get to."
I turn to face Garrick, ice filling my veins, desperately wanting to shove my sword through his gut. Thankfully, the feeling passes, leaving me with my base level of annoyance.
"She told you we think you should sleep somewhere else, didn't she?" He asks, looking like he expects a repeat of our argument this morning.
"She did," I say, walking towards him, "and I'll tell you the same thing she said to Imogen. Get Fucked"
"Figured." Garrick shrugs and looks at Violet. "Thought you'd at least be logical, Violet."
"Me? You're the ones acting based on feelings and with no evidence whatsoever. My decision to trust him is based purely on the facts of our proven history."
I choose not to point out that our proven history has been full of her not trusting me.
"As much as I appreciate the concern, you try to dictate the occupants of Violet's bed again, and we're going to have problems," I tell Garrick, who just shakes his head at me, and we start toward the gathering hall where the meeting will be.
"For someone who's about to face the highest-ranking aristocracy in the kingdom, you seem pretty calm, Sorrengail," Garrick adds as we get closer to the gathering hall.
The hallway is full of aids from the different houses, people I haven't seen since my father's rebellion. None of whom stood by Tyrrendor 7 years ago, somehow, alive and well facing down the venin my father who they all voted to execute- warned them about.
"I've known this was coming and have a plan. Two weeks is a lot of time to overthink every possible scenario," Violet says.
"You're sure this is what you want?" I ask her, hating that I can't go in with her.
"It's what she wants," Violet confirms, referring to Andarna. "And it's what we need. You still up for coming with? Even beyond the wards?"
"Even beyond the wards," I tell her, hating how difficult I've made everything. And we reach a guard in infantry blue in front of the large wooden doors leading into the gathering hall where the Senarium waits.
"I assume you're expecting me?" Violet asks.
"You will wait to be escorted, Cadet Sorrengail," the guard replies cooly.
"I'm starting to think twice about this meeting," Garrick says, scanning the hallway. Probably remembering the betrayal from all of these provinces, too. "She's been invited to appear before the Senarium alone, and we haven't exactly been pardoned for leaving Basgiath and taking a large portion of the riot. Brennan might be sitting in on the treaty negotiations on behalf of Aretia, but we don't have a seat on the council. Anything could happen to Violet in there."
"Already thought about that," Violet says. "They need me alive for Andarna's sake if not Tairn's. I'll be fine."
"She has Lewellen in there representing Tyrrendor and can set the whole damned place on fire with a wave of her hand. I'm more concerned for their safety than hers," I say, getting a small smile from Violet before the door opens and General Melgren steps out.
"Cadet Sorrengail, the Senarium is ready to receive you. Alone," he adds, looking at me and Garrick.
"I'll be right out here. Deterred by these wooden doors that hang an inch off the ground," I say, keeping my eyes on Melgren.
"Subtle," Violet smirks at me.
"Never going to be. I have every faith in your ability to protect yourself, but say the word, and I'll rip the doors off their hinges," I tell her as she moves to walk through the door with Melgren.
"You're such a romantic," She jokes as the door closes behind her, and I walk a few steps back to lean against the opposite wall, watching the others in the hall suspiciously. Garrick joins me in my galring until he finally speaks.
"How are you feeling?" He asks softly.
"The same," I confirm. "A little concerned that I didn't sense them arriving, only after the fact… If they entered through the scribes quadrant, they wouldn't have been far from the river, but I didn't sense them until they were already here…" I muse and then shake my head, not wanting to think about it. "But how are you feeling? All we do is talk about me."
"Spending all our time talking about you isn't exactly new," he huffs sarcastically, making me wince. Garrick has always come second, despite him being stronger than me in so many ways. The son of the Duke always came first
growing up. "I'm fine. Just…. The same"
"Seriously, what's going on with you and Imogen–"
"Nope," He says, "we really don't need to be–"
"I thought you guys finally worked out shit out, you sayed with her the night of the battle didnt you?"
"Yeah, and it was… I mean, you know. We all thought we were probably going to die, and we spent our last night together, but then we didn't die, and we spent hours in the infirmary together after trying to help the healers until we stopped being helpful. Then after Sawyer got out of surgery and her squad went to bed I stayed with her and I… fuck" He grumbles, raking his hands through his hair. "I told her I'm in love with her. Not like she didn't already know… but she spent two years complaining that I wasn't… More. And now I finally said it, I'm finally ready for something else, and she apparently doesn't want it."
"Seriously?" I ask. Surprised. If I had to place a bet, I would have guessed the opposite.
"Yeah." He nods, and Imogen Quinn and Bodhi enter at the other end of the hall. "And now, she's acting like nothing happened and keeps being all snarky because I'm not pining after her like she's the only woman on the planet. If she doesn't want me, I'm not going to wait for her. I can't sit around and be ignored and consider that a relationship. If she wants to run off with Exal or whatever, then fine, but she doesn't. It's like she'd rather just be alone and angry than be with me–"
"Garrick–" I try to tell him she's walking towards us, but he keeps going.
"And I'm not trying to act like the victim here. I know I fucked up all last year, and before that.. I should have just told her how I felt then–"
"Garrick–"
"But really, it's not like my reasons for staying away weren't real. Aren't still real. But she's just–"
"She's what?" Imogen says, stepping into his line of sight with Quinn and Bodhi. I did try to warn him…
Garrick blushes. I don't think I've ever seen him blush before. Bodhi and Quinn just look amused.
"We're all waiting?" Ridoc calls out, walking over as well with the rest of his squad, Imogen and Garrick just staring at each other, not speaking, when the second years huddle around us.
Bodhi laughs, and Quinn smacks his arm. Causing Ridoc to look around
"What?" He asks.
"Absolutely nothing." Imogen smiles, crossing her arms and not looking away from Garrick.
"Yeah, apparently nothing at all," Garrick mutters, leaning against the wall and plastering a mask of indifference across his face.
After what feels like forever of listening to Ridoc crack jokes and watching while Garrick and Imogen actively avoid eyecontact, the guard moves to open the door and fucking finally, Violet enters the hallway, her head down reading something with Lewellen at her side.
"How did it go?" Imogen asks.
"Give her a second," Rhiannon insists.
"The plan went to shit" Violet says, looking up at me.
Violet goes on to explain that they'll review and vote on Andarna's demands, but Professor Grady has been given control over the task force.
She then goes off with Rhiannon and her girlfriend Tara to study some of the books Jesnina gave her, though if the annoyance emanating from our bond is anything to go by, I don't think they'll be getting much studying done. Imogen insists they meet up in the gym later, and we all part ways, while I follow Lewellen into the room he and Brennan have been given for Tyrrrendor's delegation.
Duke Lindell should be here as well; he was delayed in the province and wasn't able to arrive until now, and seeing him– without Liam– kind of hurts. More than I expected it to.
Garrick and Bodhi say their hellos, and Lewellen tries to convince Bodhi to stay in the meeting considering our limited bloodline, but he insists on returning to his squad.
Brennan begins by discussing the status of the negotiations, it's looking likely that we'll have a parton settled soon, mainly due to Violet and Andarna being needed, but the question of the fliers still remains, and Navarre wants to increase production on alloy daggers, meaning we need to increase exports from the Tyrrish mines.
We also get an update on the status of the wards, and it will definitely be less than a year until they're fully nonfunctioning, so we spend considerable time mapping out expected weak areas. They seem to be the weakest furthest from the Wardstone, so we attempt to identify what areas, other than Aretia itself, that should be safe for as long as possible.
And because we still won't accept refugees into Navarre, we work in vain to establish the volume of people each county can reasonably house and feed. Trissa proposed refurbishing the Library of Aretia– which has stood more or less empty since its contents were all burned during the rebellion. It's the largest building in the city and stone, so we appropriate a significant amount of the budget for rebuilding to prepare it to house incoming refugees. All the temples as well have dedicated a certain amount of space to house those who need it, but we can't fit the entire population of Poromiel in one province. We need King Tauri to open the borders.
By the time I finally make it up to Violet's room, she's asleep. Adorably still holding a book open against her chest.
I reach for the book and look for something to save her place. Gods, we don't have a bookmark or even a spare piece of parchment unless I start digging through bags, so I unsheath a dagger and set that between the pages before peeling off my leathers and falling into bed next to her.
The only time I feel even slightly normal now is like this. Just on the edge of sleep, drifting away to the sound of her breathing next to me.
Slight movement on the bed raises my awareness, and I open my eyes to see Violet brushing out the braid she slept in. I watch her, admiring the silvery ends of her hair as I always do until she sets the brush down and stretches her arms overhead, letting out the cutest yawn known to man.
Before I even ask them to, shadows reach out to her, wrapping around her waist, and I lean towards her to sweep that beautiful hair aside and let my mouth find her neck. Her shoulder. Her.
She lets out a gasp when I bite softly against her, that spot just under her ear she likes, and her head falls back against me, exposing the long column of her neck. She reaches her hand behind her up into my hair, her back arches, and I can see her nipples harden through the thin fabric covering her.
"Mine," I say with my mouth still against her, and it comes out as a growl while I reach for the bottom of her nightdress and lift it up against her thighs.
"Mine," She replies and pulls at my hair.
I can't help but laugh against her. Of course I'm hers. When my hands reach her hips, I pull her back against the bed, causing her hand to fall from my hair and her back to hit the mattress, leaving me to take my spot above her, between her legs, smiling down at this perfect, beautiful woman in my arms.
"Yours." I agree, and watch as her tongue darts out to lick her lips.
"I love you so much it hurts," She says softly, her hands exploring the bare skin of my chest.
"Good, because that's exactly how I love you, too," I confirm, and my hands trace her silhouette, the curve of her hips, the peak of her breasts. Up, under the fabric covering her. My mouth comes down to take her breasts, still covered by her nightdress, and I use the barrier to create additional friction for her, biting her nipple softly and letting the fabric caress her skin.
She whimpers, her hands around the back of my neck, begging for more, just like always.
"That's one of my favorite sounds," I tell her through our bond, as the hand under her nightdress traces the seams of her underwear. "Second only to those little gasps you make in the moments before you come."
I run my knuckles over her, and her hips move against me while I move my mouth to her other breast before I move away so I can watch while I touch her. My fingers sliding past her underwear teasing her clit. Not yet taking her. Watching her eyes darken and feeling her grow more and more wet for me, until I apply just a little more pressure to her sensitive clit, just like I know she likes.
"Xaden" She moans my name and I can feel my cock twitch at the sound. Her head falls back further and a wave of power washes over me, Gods she feels fucking good.
"Changed my mind," I tell her, bringing two fingers inside of her and feeling her inner walls clench around them, asking for more. "That's my favorite sound."
I curl my fingers upwards, and her breath changes, making me smirk cockly as I watch how her body reacts to me, feeling her power grow around her.
"How do you want me to take you, Violet?" I ask, moving my thumb to stimulate her clit while those two fingers keep working inside of her. "Here on your back with me above you? Before me on your hands and knees with your ass in the air? Against the wall so I can drive harder? Astride so you can control the pace? Tell me."
"All of it," she breathes out. Her power getting hotter. So close. Close enough to take it.
"I can feel it. I can feel you." I hear myself saying, realizing what I'm doing. Why we haven't done anything in weeks. Because I don't just want to be inside her. I want to consume her. Take all of her power and call it mine. Maybe I can… just a little. "Bright and hot and fucking perfect," I increase my pace, feeling more of it, more power then I could ever imagin one body holding. And it could be mine.
I'm so fucking hard. Hard as fucking granite, I want nothing more then to fuck her and drain every ounce of power out of this perfect body. Have all of her, completely. So fucking completely.
"Violet," I groan as her desire for me floods our bond– only it's more than desire. Its love and trust and peace and what the fuck am I doing?
I cant fucking do this. I keep my fingers moving, not wanting her to know how badly I want to drain her, trying to pull myself together, but she pulls me into her mind further. I'm not just feeling her emotions, I'm watching her memories. Feeling the wood of her armoire cracking behind her back, how fucking perfect she felt having me pound into her for the first time.
Her power starts to burn her. The lighting building up with her orgasm and Gods. I can't do this. I can't.
She wants to feel my shadows around her, touching all of her. I can feel myself start to tremble with how hard it is to not sink into her. Not slide myself into her tight, wet cunt and drive into her so fucking deep and then wrap my hands around her throat and wait until lighting strikes to drain her, right when she comes. When her whole body tightens around me, and I spill into her, I can take all of that power. All of it. Mine.
"Fuck, love" I groan. I can do this. I can get her off and not hurt her. I can–
Her power breaks through her, so fucking hot. So incredibly strong.
Lighting flashes and strikes the bedside table, so I snuff it out with shadows, focusing on controlling my shadows, on not hurting her. I pull my hand away from her the next moment, not able to enjoy the feeling of her coming, needing to not touch her, so I reach above her head to the headboard and grip it as tightly as I want to be gripping her. My jaw clamped down tight, holding back everything I'm feeling, forcing it away and feeling ice in my mind I didn't notice before. It does nothing to cool my blood, I'm still so fucking hard for her and my hands on the headboard taking all of my focus.
Not her. I will not hurt her.
"Xaden?" She whispers. My eyes are closed, but I know the concern in her voice, and I hate that I can't be more for her, can't be what she needs.
"Don't," I say, feeling her reach out to me.
"What's happening?" She asks.
"I need space," I tell her, possibly hating myself even more, as ice in my mind dissipates slightly at the feeling of her body moving away from me. My blood cools as well. Not nearly enough, but enough for now.
"All right, is this far enough?" she asks from where she stands next to the scorched nightstand.
"Not sure the isle kingdoms would be far enough," I try to joke, taking deep, calming breaths.
"I'm sorry," She say's and the words feel like a curse. Gods, she shouldn't be sorry for anything. Not ever.
"I forgot," I say finally when I feel my control returning, and I move my hands away from the headboard where two faint marks show how close I was to draining her. "I woke up and saw you sitting there, and it was the most natural thing in the world to reach for you, but I'm not natural anymore. Fuck, I'm so sorry Vioelt."
"I forgot too," she says sadly. "You have nothing to apologize for, and don't say you're not natural–" she starts but the look on her face shifts to a smile "in fact, I think you just did us a favor" She steps closer and I know what she's going to say, and Gods damn I don't want to tell her how close that was, but I have to. "Nothing bad happened, Xaden. You just hand your hands all over me, inside me, and I'm perfectly fine. Give me two seconds to crawl across this bed, and you'll be gloriously fine, too."
Fucking hell. The thought of her crawling to me almost makes me want to pretend I can control myself.
"Not fine," I tell her, indicating the headboard. She looks at the wood like she can't see it, but the moment she does, her face falls.
"That's nothing. It's barely there," she insists, and I really can't tell her how close it was to being her. She needs to be afraid of me but not that afraid. She can't know I wanted to.
"Because I stopped." I move away from the bed to lean against the desk, putting as much space between us as I can. "The second your power rose, I felt it and remembered why I'd promised myself I wasn't going to touch you. And I thought if I could at least take care of you, that would be enough for me, but then I was so fucking close…. I can't afford to lose control around you. Not even the edge of it. Not like that. Not at all."
"Can I come over there? I won't touch you."
"I'm all right now. Firmly under control." I nod. Mostly confident in my words.
She steps closer to me, looking fucking beautiful. And looks up into my eyes. "No red," she confirms.
"Good. I locked it down pretty quick and didn't even feel myself taking anything, but I obviously did."
"Sandpaper takes more than you did," she says, making light of this already. "I can barely see it, and only because I'm looking."
"I took it without thinking. Without choice. And if it had been you?" I reach for her, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I would never have forgiven myself," I sigh.
"Are you going to go all broody and try to pull away from me? Because fair warning, I'm not going to let that happen."
"No," I smile at her, "I just think we've been right to steer clear of activities where I can't be trusted to keep control. It's the only way you're safe, and as much as I want you to run, I'm too selfish to give you up."
She nods, and a big part of my mind is screaming at me to go. But I'll have to go eventually. I can just enjoy a little bit of this. A little bit of her. Just for now. Just while I can control it… mostly.
We start to get ready and I head off to shower and take care of myself with the heaviness of my cock still driving me mad at the corners of my mind and the image of Violet crawling across the bed to me like she teased… her mouth… her breasts. How fucking wet she was for me.
Yeah. I need… somewhere private.
I'm much more comfortable when I get back, discussing the Tyrrish aristocracy with Violet while I help her tie up the back of her corset. I risk leaning down to kiss her briefly, turning to the weapons rack and collecting my swords while she finishes braiding her hair.
It feels so much like it did in Aretia, living together like we could be normal.
"Anyway," I conclude, "we're trying to work out the terms of the riot staying, and Lewellen seems to think he can at least get my father's sword back from Tauri, but it all feels tangled. If we don't stay, Poromiel walks. If Navarre can't protect the fliers here at Basgiath, Poromiel walks. If anyone murders anyone– which happened a lot around here–"
"Poromiel walks," Violet finishes for me.
I help Violet collect her daggers now that we're both dressed, and she's still pinning her hair in place. Godsdamn she has a lot of daggers… a looks fucking good using them…
Theres muttering outside our door now, so soft that I know they think we cant hear them, Like Garrick doesnt know I have fucking venin hearing now.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Neither of us have even used the bathing chamber yet" I lie, whipping open the door to face fucking everyone, standing out in the hall as if they need to confirm Violet is alive.
"Who is it?" Violet calls.
"You're in there with my little sister, and you're asking me if I'm kidding you?" Brennan says, making me roll my eyes at him "Usually, I consider myself pretty understanding about the fact that you sleep in her bed, and I look the other way when you two attach yourselves at the face, but we have a meeting in thirty minutes and I need to talk to you before then."
"Good morning, Brennan," Violet calls from where she stands, still in the room, struggling to put her flight jacket on.
"Hey Violet," He says.
"I have patrol," I remind Brennan.
"He does," Garrick adds.
"How many people are out there?" Violet asks, coming into view of the hallway so she can see Garrick, Bodhi and Imogen waiting along side Duke Lewellen and her fucking brother. "Did someone die? Why didn't any of you knock?"
"Because she's mean," Garrick says, indicating Imogen, who's leaning against the wall.
"She needs to fucking sleep" She yells at Garrick "Given how rested you look, I'm guessing you got plenty of that in Nina Shrensour's bed last night. How disappointing for her"
"Damn" Bodhi laughs and I can't help but smirk a little too. Sometimes, I do love Imogen.
"Careful, Imogen. You sound a little jealous," Garrick says, smiling at her.
"Who the hell would be jealous of a flier?" she argues.
"Right," Brennan says, to change the subject away from who's sleeping with whom. "Look, we just need Riorson."
"Seriously, figure your shit out, kids. We're in the middle of a war." Mira calls to us from the stairwell.
Mira greets everyone and hands Brennan a stack of missives from Aretia, and I follow Brennan and Lewellen to the end of the hall.
"We need to talk about the line of succession," Lewellen tells me, and I share a glance at Brennan. "We should be clearing up negotiations today, and we all know I'll be sanctioned at the very least. Lindell won't be in much better shape even if they can't prove his involvement."
"I don't have a title; the line of succession doesn't apply to me– not unless we're seceding, which I thought we agreed wasn't a good idea anymore."
I eye Brennan again. I can't be a venin king, he knows that.
"Well, that's what I wanted to discuss with you."
"Actually, I have to talk to Mira. Why don't you discuss your opinions with Xaden, and I'll meet you all at the meeting?" Brennan says, probably just to avoid my glaring at him.
"Xaden, your father would be so proud of you," Lewellen starts to say, and I would rather Sgaeyl roast me alive than hear this. "You've done so much good, Poromiel wouldn't be at this table at all without the work you've done over the past three years– hell, the past 7 years."
"Lewellen, thank you, but really–"
"I know you'd given up on your title, and Brennan tells me you were quite reluctant to step into your role in Aretia, but you are the heir to Tyrrendor, not just Aretia. Lindell and I won't be welcomed to keep your seat, and neither of us have direct heirs. We are planning on proposing you take your rightful place as the Duke of Tyrrendor."
Fuck.