Dallas, Texas
March 1979
Reading over the discharge summary he'd managed to obtain, Jock felt a noticeable easing of the tension he'd been carrying. Sue Ellen had a clean bill of health, which put his mind at ease for several reasons. First, it was always a relief to get a check-up and have the all-clear for another year. And second, given his plans for the near future, it was reassuring to know she was in good shape to give him another son.
Miss Ellie believed that now Pamela was back talking to Bobby, the next Ewing baby would be theirs. Maybe she was right, but Jock had his own definite plans, where Bobby and Pamela seemed more uncertain. He wanted another son, and he had a timeline for making sure his wish came true.
"Do you need anything?" JR asked as he climbed into bed beside her, laying his arm over her waist and pulling her close.
"Just you," she murmured.
Turning over so they were face-to-face, Sue Ellen decided to be honest with him. Another hospital admission had given her time to think. She was ready to stop sulking, to stop holding the past against him. He was showing he cared, and that was all she really wanted. Continuing to push him away only hurt her and their marriage.
"I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere," JR said, his tone gentle.
"I'm glad. JR, I want you to know I love you, and I want to be your wife."
"I know, and I feel the same way. I'm committed to our marriage. You have to believe me," he insisted.
"Let's leave the past in the past."
"That's an excellent idea."
She kissed him softly, but made no move to deepen the kiss, not wanting to take things further on her first night home. She was relieved when JR didn't push her either.
"One more thing before we move on for good," JR said, pulling away slightly. "Daddy found you. What was he doing in here?"
It was a good thing she hadn't been looking for more than cuddling, because any mention of Jock certainly wasn't arousing.
"I don't know. To be honest, I thought he was in my head. I was seeing all sorts of strange things."
"Like what?" JR asked, frowning.
"The dog my grandparents had when I was young."
"Oh." He seemed to grasp that she hadn't been thinking clearly after taking the pill Lucy had given her, and he didn't press for more examples.
"Mm, and considering Rex died when I was eleven, I thought maybe Jock was also just a figment of my imagination, not actually standing in the doorway."
"I don't like him making a habit of it," JR admitted, "but for once, I'm glad he was there. Who knows what would've happened if you hadn't been found when you were."
She was grateful to Jock, too, though like JR, she found it disconcerting that he'd been in their bedroom. After her experience with him in the guest room, she was wary of being alone with Jock, afraid he might want to push boundaries.
On the surface, Jock didn't seem like the kind of man to offer a gentle, personalised touch, to massage the knots out of an aching back or whisper soothing words, but she knew he was capable of it. He'd shown her that. When she gave an inch, Jock took a mile, so she had to stay conscious of her behaviour around him. But sometimes, even that wasn't enough. Jock still referred to John Ross as his, and sometimes she had the uneasy feeling he wanted to refer to her the same way.
"I'm sick of almost dying," she said, shifting the topic away from Jock.
"That makes two of us," JR replied with a wry smile.
"Hold me while I sleep?" she asked softly.
"Absolutely."
She snuggled into him, resting her head on his chest. In his arms, she felt safe, and for the first time in a long while, she felt truly happy.
Enjoying the feel of his wife in his arms, JR couldn't quite settle his mind. Sue Ellen was safe and healthy now, but she'd come frighteningly close to dying, and that had shaken him deeply. What troubled him just as much was how comfortable his daddy seemed with disregarding his wishes and pushing the boundaries of what was socially acceptable. Sue Ellen had previously cried in his arms, overwhelmed with guilt over letting his daddy get too close. Now, though, she seemed to just want to avoid talking about it. He didn't want to believe she'd resigned herself to putting up with it, but he feared that might be the case.
Hearing the unmistakable babbling of little John, which was unusual for this time of night, he carefully slipped out of bed, put on his robe, and crossed the hall to the nursery.
He found his son standing in his crib, looking around at the colourful decor, talking to himself. JR's heart did that familiar, joyful leap when the boy recognised him and smiled. He meant something to his son, his love wasn't because John Ross had been taught to obey or because they needed something from each other. It was genuine, based purely on how they treated one another. JR felt the same way in return.
Lifting his son into his arms, he carried him over to the rocking chair and held him close, savouring the moment and committing the feeling to memory.