The Most Lonely Creature
© mitarafortunadow
F4 Thailand: Boys Over Flowers © GMMTV
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Everyone fell in love with Mira at some point in their life—even Thyme—but Ren's crush lasted longer and ran deeper.
He, for the lack of better word, worshipped Mira.
Kavin thought his infatuation was cute; MJ pitied him, and Thyme… well, Thyme didn't particularly care. The curly-haired boy had gotten over his own crush pretty quickly once he realized that he was not the only one pining; Thyme hated being part of the common, after all.
But Ren's feelings persisted, grew, and became this entangled mess of affection, adoration, comfort, longing, jealousy, and loneliness; all in one bundle. Sometimes he wondered how his heart could even handle the bursting emotions, how he could hide his giddiness everytime he met Mira (hint: he couldn't).
Yet, the years passed by, school seasons arrived and left, and suddenly Ren found his life lacking of Mira's existence.
Instead, he found her on billboards, flash interview recaps, advertisement videos, and magazine covers. He devoured them all, trying to gather as much Mira as he could into his hands, realizing belatedly that this girl—the one who always smiled at him and laughed with him—was slipping away through his fingers.
Paris was a surprise, but deep down, Ren had expected the inevitable.
Mira was leaving.
Mira would leave him.
Mira wouldn't stay beside him, not even for him.
Not in this timeline, at least.
Still, Ren hoped and kept his love close to his chest; inside his drawings, in every French words he unconsciously memorized, through every documentary films Mira left her trace in.
Ren kept loving, because the opposite was impossible and he no longer knew himself who didn't care for Mira.
Gorya almost did it once, pulling all his attention and kept him riveted, squeezing her body into his boring routine, sparking chaos, engraving spontaneity—something that Ren had been unfamiliar with—but even then, Ren couldn't stay entertained for long. He still found the fiery girl cute, her awkward stumbling into the rich life adorable, but loving Gorya was not—would never be—the same as loving Mira.
A few times, he even wondered if this was how Mira felt about him; endeared, but that's it.
No urge to draw Gorya toward him, sharing warmth through heated kiss and long session of cuddling. No extra possessiveness he would succumb to whenever Gorya wandered too far into other people's space.
At least, that's how Thyme loved Gorya—obsessively, selfishly, desperately.
Apparently, that's also how Ren's love for Mira had evolved into after high school.
With no outlet, though, Ren was only waiting for it to curl up and die.
(Like that flower Mira left for weeks in the vase, neglected when she's too busy preparing documents for her university application.
Like a devoted lover, Ren changed it up to a fresh bouquet of pink roses.
And how, like an unrequired love crumpling in million other stories, Mira only noticed after the dry petals had fallen down and made a mess on her apartment's floor.)
Everyone fell in love with Mira at some point in their life. They maybe walked away with minor heartbreak, but only Ren who kept coming back after finished patching up his heart.
He still hoped, and he still loved.
After all, it's Mira. To Ren, a million cycle of flowers blooming and dying wouldn't matter if, at the end, Mira could finally take one long look at his face and realized, Ah, this is the man who always loves me and a man I can love properly for the rest of my life.