I Can Do It With a Broken Heart
(Dain and Sloane)
Rune Peters
Chapter 1
SLOANE
*Takes place 1 month after Onyx Storm
"You are being fucking ridiculous Sloane!" This isn't the first time in the last month that Imogen has reprimanded me for not training my signet. We are outside of Riorson House having the same argument that we have had every few days since Xaden embraced his red eyed soulless demon self.
My daily routine involves waking up and skipping breakfast to avoid everyone. Heading outside to the woods behind the house where I hide alone with my thoughts. Once I am confident that everyone has retired for the night I return, go to the kitchen to sneak something quick and take it back to my room.
Unfortunately there are days, like today, that Imogen catches me before I can escape for the woods. Our conversations tend to be one sided because I refuse to acknowledge her presence.
"You need to train your signet. If we have any hope at beating the venin and saving Xaden, we are going to need you," she says frustrated at me. What's new? This has been going on for at least the past 15 minutes. It is always the same.
Violet has gotten it into everyone's heads that I am the "balance"; the missing link to curing venin. But what everyone seems to forget is that you can't save something that isn't there.
Venin don't have souls. Xaden is gone. I don't know if his soul is with Malek or simply doesn't exist anymore. I'm hoping it's the former, but who can be sure. All I know is it's gone. He is gone.
I continue to storm off toward the woods with Imogen close on my heels. I'm pissed at everyone and everything. Xaden for turning. Violet for giving everyone hope that is dependent on me. Imogen for refusing to leave me alone. Bodhi and Garrick for disappearing. Aaric for being so cryptic and secretive all the fucking time. Thoirt for trying to make me feel better about the monster I am. Liam for being dead.
And then there's Dain.
Dain for a million reasons and not a single one of them being the fact that my brother would still be alive if he hadn't stolen Violet's memories and shared them with his father. Surprisingly, I have moved past that.
Not Liam's death. I don't think I will ever move past that. But the role that Dain played in it.
I understand now that Dain didn't know what his father was doing with that information. I know that he would never have done anything to intentionally hurt Liam. Dain was just trusting his father. People should be able to trust their parents. Unfortunately his father is an evil piece of shit.
No, I am mad at Dain because he made me have stupid fucking feelings for him and left. He just flew right on back to Basgiath without a single goodbye. All I got was an order that I was to stay at Riorson House until further notice. An order that he couldn't even deliver himself and sent Rhiannon to tell me. I guess I just imagined him reciprocating my feelings.
And that leaves me with being mad at myself for being a stupid girl with stupid feelings.
Your feelings are not stupid, nor are you Small Marked One, Thoirt says motherly like.
I don't need your coddling. If you want to be helpful, stay out of my head, I retort before shutting her out again. I know it is driving Thoirt insane that I have been keeping my walls up and my distance from her, but I just can't. It is better for her not to be plagued by my thoughts right now.
"You know what? Fuck you Sloane. You are a selfish brat," Imogen practically screams. Thank Malek that this conversation has reached its inevitable end. It's like she wrote this speech down and just repeats it over and over -
"Liam would be disgusted with you and I am glad he isn't here to see what you have grown into" she whispers.
That makes me pause.
I turn to her and stare her down, keeping the tears from forming. My throat goes tight and it's on the tip of my tongue to scream at her. To tell her that I know what a disappointment I would be to my brother. What a disappointment I am to everyone. I want to yell at her that I hate myself more than anyone else possibly could. That I am a monster.
Sure I may have helped Mira, but I also killed her mother.
I want to fall apart completely and tell her, tell anyone, that I am terrified. Tell her that the reason I won't train my signet is because that would require me to touch someone. And I am so scared that if I touch someone, I will accidentally hurt them.
When I siphoned from Dain and gave to Brennan to save Mira, it took every ounce of my will power to stop. Feeling all that power run through me felt good and I hate myself for that. I didn't want to stop and the only reason I did was because it was Dain. Had I been siphoning from anyone else, I don't know that I could have stopped.
Imogen and I have a heated stare off before I shake my head and turn, continuing on my way to the woods. I know she isn't following me because I don't hear her footsteps anymore. I breathe a sigh of relief.
I walk until I find the hot springs miles into the woods. I'm not sure that anyone knows these exist. I've never run into anyone here and there are no trails or marked paths leading this way. It was just luck that a few weeks ago I stumbled upon them.
I strip off my leather jacket and the training clothes beneath. Easing into the too hot water, I finally let myself fall apart. This is the only place I allow myself to cry. Miles from where anyone will see or hear me.
I sob so hard that I can barely breathe. My body shakes and my ribs throb with pain.
What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Violet lost the love of her life and pulled it together immediately, believing there is hope. Surrounded by her friends and family.
But I think that's part of my problem.
I am completely alone.
My family is all dead. My friends started keeping their distance, unsure of what would happen to them if my hand simply brushed against theirs when walking next to one another. I never fit in with the other marked ones like Xaden, Imogen, Garrick, or Bodhi. They were all older than me and I was sent so far from them that we really don't know each other.
And Dain, the one person who I thought could understand me, wants nothing to do with me.
I probably disgust him too.
I submerge myself under the water and scream. Scream until my lungs give out. My face is on fire from the heat of the water and I stay under for as long as I can. I can never stay under as long as I want to though. Maybe this time I can. I just want to stay under long enough to be reunited with Liam and our parents.
Just as I am about to lose consciousness, I feel strong hands grip me under my arms and pull me out. I gasp for air, coughing as I break the surface. The back of my body pulled tight against the front of someone else's.
"What the hell is wrong with you Mairi?" They ask. For a split second I wonder if they knew just moments ago I was thinking the same thing.
Then it registers with my water logged brain that I know that voice. I turn to confirm my suspicion and a thousand emotions course through me as I stare into eyes that haunt all my dreams.
Dain.