Part 1: Denial
Chapter 1
Huh? Was someone talking to me just now?
"Hey!"
What the—
The voice seemed eerily familiar but it definitely wasn't anyone from Banan's community. Subaru slowly opened his eyes to a blinding sun and the sight of an irritated man with green hair and a prominent scar on his face sitting behind a fruit stall.
"You listening?"
"H-HUH?!"
The voice that came out of Subaru's mouth, surprisingly, was that of his younger 17-year-old self. The same age he'd been when he'd arrived to this world. The same age he'd been when he'd run away with Rem.
"Don't 'huh' me!" The stern man's face showed even more signs of annoyance. "What's wrong with you? You suddenly spaced out."
Oh right, this conversation in front of Mr Kadomon's shop. My last Return By Death. Very cruel of my brain to make me relive this memory when I'm trying to die peacefully. Almost like it's trying to make me think I've been brought all the way back here. Gee, I really am my own worst enemy in the end. But I guess my guilt about running away really was still buried somewhere, huh?
"Subaru…?"
The one speaking his name with concern was simultaneously the person he most and least wanted to see. She had been his everything. He had lived for her and she had lived for him. But that special person had breathed her last a week ago. He couldn't let this phantom from his memories tempt him into falling in love all over again. Natsuki Rem was dead and buried. There could be no other.
Phantom-Rem sure was persistent though. She was pulling on his sleeve in an attempt to grab his attention.
No. I can't. If I respond to her, I'm accepting this as real. I'm accepting her as Rem… But Rem is dead. She lived a long and happy life together with me. As my wife. This is just my brain playing tricks on me. I can't let it ruin my perfect death.
Subaru remained standing in place, waiting patiently for the hallucination to end.
"Oi, this isn't right. Your girlfriend is seriously worried about you!"
Sorry but you're not real either, Mr Kadomon. If I keep ignoring both of you, I can finally pass on with my mind at ease.
Phantom-Rem, refusing to be snubbed, employed the unbeatable tactic of walking into Subaru's field of vision. Subaru now had the choice of looking away, thus acknowledging this impostor's presence, or he could stay as he was and risk seeing a face that he had no right to see anymore.
In the end, he resolved to choose the latter option. Surely he'd notice something off about the woman in front of him and that would free him from this strange dream. And yet…
Ah, what a beautiful face. It seems like my memory really was able to recreate it perfectly.
Subaru felt his heart beat faster as his eyes gazed upon the memory of young Rem. Was his mind really capable of simulating that kind of feeling? Subaru's confidence that he was in his subconsciousness was slowly waning.
"Hmmm. It seems to have affected you a lot worse than I anticipated." Phantom-Rem murmured.
"What's that?" Kadomon enquired.
No no no. This is just another trick. So what if I'm imagining how I would feel from seeing Rem again?! This isn't really Rem! It can't be! None. Of. This. Is. Real.
"Oh, Rein— A friend of his recently came to visit and their meeting sadly ended rather unpleasantly…"
"Ah, I see."
Phantom-Rem shook her head. "But he was acting normally until now. I hate to ask but did you say something that may have upset him, Mr Kadomon?"
"Huh? Well, he did seem rather angry about the way everyone's treating that half-elf Royal Cand—"
"I… can…"
Subaru grit his teeth as he resolved to do the only thing that could conclusively prove he was dreaming. The one sensation that was absolutely impossible to recreate. A discomfort of unimaginable proportions. An otherworldly terror on a seemingly cosmic scale.
"Subaru?!"
"I… can… Ret—"
The instant that Subaru began to invoke the taboo, the very world around him was smothered by a writhing mass of shadows, turning the peaceful sunny day in the Capital into the darkest of nights. Or rather, Subaru's vision was forcefully taken away as he plunged into a domain of pure darkness. With it, the clamoring voices of people excitedly discussing the Royal Selection candidates were similarly blotted out and silenced without warning. The smell of the fresh abbles in the stall next to him was likewise barred entry into the lightless void.
It can't be…
He couldn't see anything. He couldn't hear anything. He couldn't smell anything. He couldn't feel anything.
He wasn't even sure if he was still breathing.
Terror struck Subaru as he waited anxiously for the typical punishment for breaking the taboo. Sure enough, those ghastly hands of shadow sprouted from within the nothingness, the only thing he was allowed to see. Even after seventy years of a happy and peaceful life with his family in Kararagi, he'd never outlived his fear of them or the fear that he would one day slip up in a normal conversation and have a loved one's heart crushed in front of him by those very hands. Just as they had done all those years ago to the unsuspecting silver-haired girl that Subaru had unwittingly tried to confide in. The way his old love had coughed up blood as her pretty violet eyes went dead had haunted Subaru his whole life.
Were the hands that circled him mockingly about to make him relive that experience with Rem as the victim? That thought brought up an equally unpleasant memory of unseen hands twisting Rem's limbs every which way while a madman cackled maniacally at Subaru's despair.
The evil hands finally decided on their target and fortunately it seemed like that was only Subaru. They wrapped around his shoulders from behind like an affectionate lover.
Then he felt it. Another presence there in the darkness with him, seemingly the source of the disembodied appendages tormenting him. The figure settled in close behind him as if trying to complete the shadowy hands' makeshift hug. It would have been cute had it not been so terrifying.
Then it spoke to him. She spoke to him. In a voice, clear as a bell. Seemingly holding back tears, she whispered into his ear.
"Welcome home."