137: We can out-stupid him!

"Swimsuit, please!"

"..."

"I said, swimsuit, please!"

"...How did you even make this connection? Oh, who am I kidding, it's you."

"I've never met you before, lady, and I don't know why you're in my Grail, but give me my Swimsuit!"

"Can't you tell that I'm something ominous? I'm a dangerous, last-boss-type eldritch-"

"Don't care! Swimsuit, now!"

We make our way into the small cave, down a winding sandy tunnel that finally opens up into some sort of shrine.

"And you're saying the Mini-Nobbus built all of this?" I ask as I examine the bizarre hieroglyphs marking the sequined curtains.

Nobunaga shrugs as we cross through that veil and into a deeper tunnel. "Either that or they found the place in this state. It's not like I was here to see it. Either way, you should probably get ready for things to get unbelievably stupid."

Going deeper, the sandy floor gives way to grayish-blue clay, and then to cobbled greenish masonry. At the same time, the sloppy hieroglyphs in a vaguely nobbu shape etched into the wall, go through stages of quality, finally arriving at lapis-colored runes as we reach a wide cavern, clearly made by older residents.

"Uwaahhh… there's totally gonna be some weird mud titan thing at the end of this," Nobunaga mutters, "I can feel it in my bones."

Ignoring her (at this point unsurprising) non-sequitur, I push forward into the dim azure light of this strange underground realm. Overhead, a strange blue aurora dances along a sea of subterranean fungi, and ahead strange, squat shapes move furtively through cold mist-

"[Three Line Formation]!" Nobunaga mows them down without mercy, and sure enough I hear the telltale "NOBWAH!?" of dying chibis.

"I-is this really okay?" I mumble.

"They drop loot, so that means it's morally acceptable to purge them!" The Archer replies. "Also if left unchecked they'll probably try to overthrow humanity…"

"...Subaru-kun, is this woman really trustworthy?" Rem asks.

…

"Hey! Tell her yes already! Even I can have my feelings hurt!" The Archer whines.

And so, rampaging through this blue-litten subterranean world under a hail of gunfire, we continue forward.

Blue gives way to red as we pass through cyclopean arches, winding down a cliffside path towards an entire underground city, now lit by unreadable crimson runes covering each and every stone.

"Seriously…? Isn't this a bit much…?" I wonder aloud.

"It's probably some kind of foreshadowing for the Agartha Singularity," Nobunaga says with a shrug.

"You're joking, right? Something like that won't happen, right?" I protest as we reach ground level, a desolate plaza meeting us.

Here and there, the rusted waste of what might have been park benches can be made out, and in the center a long dried up fountain is backlit by the dull red glow of the still somewhat distant buildings.

The centerpiece of the fountain was once a statuary, but all but one of the residents have long crumbled to dust - the sole survivor is a simple black mass, with a three lobed eye of the same dull glowing red.

"Yup. Mud titan. It's gotta be a mud titan," Nobunaga says with a nod as she pushes past the sinister statue.

"Are you going to explain what that is now…?" I try to ask, but she ignores me again.

We walk the abandoned streets, the only sound our own footfalls. At a few points, I see things - squat white shapes, always scurrying out of sight. A serpentine form clambering into a high up window. A black, fluid thing slipping down a drain of some kind. All of them for but an instant. All without the slightest noise.

Finally, the silence is cut by a sharp high-pitched noise, at first distant and then hurtling closer and closer with alarming speed.

It's a scream. A wail of abject, supernatural terror, continuing for an impossible duration as its source scrambles into view, sheet white as though hell itself is on his heels.

"Oh, it's Blackbeard," Nobunaga notes as he shoots towards us.

"His beard is white though!?" I retort. If he's supposed to be blackbeard - don't tell me he got the color scared out of his hair like some sort of cartoon character!

He collapses some ten feet before reaching us, devolving into a fit of mad laughter as frothing spit leaks from his lips. "Ahh… Ash'agah! Iya, iya! Ha… hahahave m-mercy, oh great one! Ygnah! Fzah-grmah!" Black-now-whitebeard rambles something wildly incoherent, and begins to beat his head against the misshapen flagstones beneath him.

Involuntarily, I shudder. Something coils in my brain - a half-remembered sunken spiral that does not exist, until-

"Wait, is this actually a Foreigner bit?" Nobunaga wonders, still totally unfazed. "I guess that'd be convenient for dealing with Hercules, but I thought our token Lovecraft reference this singularity was Dagon. Where does the author get off bringing that stuff in so much, anyway? I guess it is Halloween…"

"It's not, though!? Like Mash said, it's September!" I protest, ominous feelings not subsiding in the least. "And quit leaning on the third wall so much, this is a main story chapter!"

"Is it?" She asks, raising her eyebrows suggestively. "Is it really?"

…

-At that time, I did not yet understand. The convergence of GudaGuda Particles, and the Eliza Particles deeper within this cave, blended with otherworldly powers, and the influence of a blind idiot god.

137.5: Save Scumming Halloween Special: Tsathoggua's Revenge! The Witch of Gluttony and the Daemon of Nuclear Chaos!

-Mercifully, other than those strange, unknowable words burnt into my brain, my recollection ends there.

Awareness returns to me as a fresh wave of vomit leaves my mouth.

"Wh… what… the hell was that?" I ask.

I'm standing at close to ankle depth in the water, just outside that cave of horrors. With a grimace, I take a few steps back, dodging my stomach contents as they're swept away by the tide.

"Horrors beyond your comprehension, kid. Horrors beyond your comprehension," Rasps Blackbeard as he rests the chainsaw attached to the stump of his left hand against his shoulder.

"Blackbeard?" I ask. "Wait, you're with us now?"

"It's just Black now, kid…" He says, gazing somewhere into the middle distance.

"Yeah, nobody's calling you that," says a bombshell of a woman with long red hair and a tight fitting black combat suit. I feel like I've seen her before, but-

"Wait, who the hell are you!?" I shout.

"Huh?" In a puff of smoke, the woman disappears and Nobunaga is standing in her place. "It's just me, Subaru. I had to go Demon Lord mode for a bit there to deal with Daphne's final form."

"What do you mean Daphne!?" The Witch of Gluttony!? Is she talking about the Witch of Gluttony!?

"Huh, you seriously don't remember anything, huh? You fail a Sanity save, or something?" The Archer asks.

"Yes! I feel like I took at least 2d10!" Luckily, I'm already Mythos Hardened - but I still took an average of 5, and that's enough for Temporary Insanity!

"Terms I don't understand aside, Rem doesn't really remember anything either…" Rem notes.

"That's great! I botched the first reintroduction, so I'll do it right this time!" A familiar voice says from behind me, and I finally release a sigh I didn't know I had been holding in. If she's with us, we had to have succeeded, despite everything. Slowly I turn around, and take in the dazzling sight.

Dazzling, because she's literally glowing. Ow. Ow, ow, ow, my eyes.

"That's right, Fishie! At long last, in the witching hour! Neither a summer servant, nor one for Halloween, but a devilish twist of the two in one!" A voluptuous-looking(?) horned girl who some might call beautiful strikes an arguably cute pose. "The Swimsuited Daemon Sultaness of Nuclear Chaos! Elizathoth Bathory!"

Wow, that's another 1d8 sanity right there.

Sure enough, she's wearing a one-piece swimsuit of deepest black, sparkling from every angle with pinpricks of green light. here and there, glowing green ribbons trail off of her body, dancing in the breeze just like her hair, which is crackling with similar green highlights. Her skin is tanned, and most importantly of all-

"If you pad your chest that obviously everybody is gonna know!" I blurt out before I can stop myself.

…

A moment of silence follows as Nobunaga and Rem both stare at the idiot who had the gall to say that to a girl.

By the way, that idiot is me.

(Blackbeard stealthily retreats back into the cave).

Elizabeth sniffs once. And then again. And then finally-

"BwaaaaAAAHHH!" She screams as tears spew from her face. "I'm dhrying… I-I'm dhrying my besht!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" I apologize while bowing over and over.

"Buht you're RRRHIIIIGHHHT!" She wails as she yanks the pads out and tosses them to the ground. W-wait, don't do that, the swimsuit's gonna be loose-! "Iht… It'l never woorrk! Even though… Even though I'm shupposed to be an iiidohl! It's shupposed t-to be EAAASHY!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" I scream as I hastily force my overcoat over her body before I can see anything. "Look leave it to me! Costume coordination is the manager's job!" Wait, what did I just say?

She blinks as the waterworks suddenly stop. "...Rheally?"

….Oh well, I'm doomed anyway. I nod. "Y-yeah! I might be a slob at times, but I can handle this!" I have the power of my secret alter-ego on my side, after all.

Not Rigel. I'm talking about Natsumi Shwartz.

"Look, the issue is that all your fans are already going to know about your normal body type, more or less. At best this would just cause rumors of breast-binding, but anyone who's even slightly smart will see through your current costume. And so, the answer is-!" I grin. "We'll use frills!"

"I like frills…" Elizabeth mutters.

"You see, that's the trick - if your chest is covered in cloth frills, the actual cup size is completely left to the viewer's imagination!" I say with a wink. "It's a simple trick, but highly effective!"

"Fishie… are you some kind of fashion genius?" She asks in awe.

"Heh, no…" I turn away, looking towards the horizon. "I'm just a man who's cross-dressed once or twice."

"...Eh." Both Nobunaga and Elizabeth let out sounds of abject disappointment.

"It was effective! I'm not bad at it, okay!?" For some reason I try to salvage that pride-

"Rem… can't actually argue against that, but she won't praise you for it," Rem mutters.

Class: Foreigner
True Name: Elizathoth Bathory
Alignment: Chaotic Summer
Armaments: Spear, Nuclear Rays (wait, what?)
Manifestation Cost: Medium

Bio:

It began simply. A wish for a swimsuit to match (what she thought was) the theme of the singularity. But somehow, connections that should not have been made were formed. The Daemon Sultan of Nuclear Chaos, the Blind Idiot God at the center of all things, who is lulled to sleep by the daemoniac wailing of instruments beyond any mortal comprehension- for some reason or another, he was an adequate match for Elizabeth.

It's probably because of her music.

Now, in a hand-me-down swimsuit that doesn't fit her in the slightest, with the power of Nuclear fire at her beck and call, Elzathoth Bathory bursts onto the summer scene!

…By the way, both Elizabeth and the Daemon Sultan are idiots, so neither has actually noticed that any sort of connection was made.

Parameters
Strength: B
Endurance: D
Agility: E
Mana: A
Luck: D
NP: A+

Class Skills:

Existence Outside the Domain: A

Insanity: E-
"Strange, eldritch tongues? Why you-! These are lyrics I thought up myself, you know! All on my own!"

Divinity: B

Personal Skills:

Beach Flower: D-

Battle Continuation: A

Familiar (Backup Singer): A
The ability to conjure those nameless things that serve in the Daemon Sultan's court into this world. If commanded, they are capable of calling forth more, and it is readily possible for a breach in reality and a total invasion by the outer beings to result. But, as said, Elizabeth is (somewhat willfully) ignorant of any of this. They are backup singers, and that is all.

Noble Phantasms:

In The Beginning, There were Idols: Daemon Sultan's Awakening
Rank: A+
Type: Anti-World
Range: 3-60
Maximum Number of Targets: 1000 People

With a beautiful song, Elizabeth awakens the Daemon Sultan - by this, we mean a song with actual musical qualities, as opposed to the usual discordant atrocities used to keep him in slumber.

Reflexively, he responds, lashing out to destroy the source of his irritation, and Elizabeth directs this fire from the dawn of time towards the target to rain down absolute destruction. Being made aware of the connection between them, the Daemon Sultan will then sever the link, and this Spirit Origin will be lost.

It is the performance of a lifetime, never to be repeated - is how Elizabeth's Insanity has rationalized this Noble Phantasm.