ANTEA
Her nights had become rather restless. After learning about her Lord father's execution, Antea Stark had trouble falling asleep. The anger she felt was so great that it made her tremble. The sorrow that she felt was so painful that every time she had the chance to be alone, she'd cry and scream. She had noticed many lords looked at her as if she was crazy.
She is a woman. She is too soft. They liked to say.
But they had no idea what it felt like to be her. Antea had no way to release that fire of anger that had been lit up inside her. She hated the Lannisters, yet she could only hate them. She had no way of getting close to those men. She could not take a sword and twist it in the belly of Joffrey Baratheon. She couldn't. But she could hate them. I hate that cowardly boy who had no shame in killing her Father with false accusations. She could only hate them. And that was how she spent the nights when she could not sleep. She prayed to all the gods she knew so that something terrible would happen to every living Lannister and that they could lose everything they hold dear and die in despair.
"I feel your anger, sister. But you need to gain back your senses," Robb had said one night, visiting the chamber that had been given to her. Their journey had brought them all to Riverrun, the castle where her mother had lived her youth, where both Robb and Antea had come into the world fifteen years before.
Antea had turned to him with crossed arms. Shadow was now always with her, sitting at her feet to not let anyone get close. "I've got my senses, brother," she spoke, "I've never had my mind more clear."
"Antea, people talk," Antea scoffed.
"Let them!" She exclaimed, "My Father had been killed. I'm never going to see him again," Robb took a breath, looking down, "They have destroyed us, Robb," she said sadly, "They've destroyed us since they walked through the gates of Winterfell."
Her twin brother, now the King of the North, walked to her, taking her hands. "I swear to you, Antea. I'll bring justice. I'll avenge Father."
Antea felt the tears in her eyes as she observed her brother. Her hands moved, taking his face between her hands so that their forehead could touch each other, "We've lost father, Sansa is in the Lannister's hands, only the gods know what was of Arya, and we almost lost Bran, and you are fighting a war. We are scattered," she let out a sob, "I'm so angry."
"My sweet sister," Robb said, taking her hands to have her look at him, "We'll be back at Winterfell soon enough, but I need you to keep yourself grounded. I'm king now, the lords holds expectations."
Antea got free from her brother's hold, "Expectation..."
"My King," the voice of the guard outside her tent made the two turn towards the entrance, "Theon Greyjoy, my King."
Antea took a breath, brushing away her tears.
Her brother spoke, "Let him through."
Shadow nudged Antea's leg, making the girl look down so that their eyes could meet. Shadow understood her. Like always.
The sound of Theon's steps made her look at the boy. He was wearing his jerkin. The golden kraken was embroidered on his chest. His eyes traveled between Robb and Antea, indulging on her face longer. Action that made her look away. She didn't want him to see her cry.
"Lord Edmure is looking for you," Theon said to Robb. Antea heard her brother take a deep breath before turning to his sister.
"Try to stay calm," he said, holding her hand, "Sleep. Rest. I'll see you in the morrow. Agreed?" He asked with a firm tone when she didn't look at him. "Antea."
Antea bit her lips, "Yes, my king." Robb had not appreciated her answer, but he had no time to stay and fight with her. He took a frustrated breath before leaving the tent.
"Am I sensing a tense feeling in here?" Theon said, still not leaving. That was not new to Antea. Lately, he had been observing her closely. She had seen him looking at her at every opportunity that he had. But not only. Since the death of her father, Theon had been by her side more often than not.
"You don't have to tell me how to behave," she told him with a nervous tone, pacing back and forth, "The King had already spoken his mind."
"I'm not here to tell you how to behave," Theon said with a frown, surprising her when his lips turned up into a smirk, "My lady wouldn't listen anyway."
When they got the chance to be alone, Theon did not use her new title. Being called princess was still a foreign sound to her ears. A sound full of sorrow. If her father were still alive, she'd still be a lady and her brother heir to Winterfell, not the King in the North.
"Yet, it pains me to see you like this," that made her scoff in frustration.
"Is it a sight so unbearable? To watch a daughter who lost her father?" She asked, clenching her fingers into a fist as she turned her back to the young man, "I've lost so much more than just my lord. Yet you all can't stand it. Why do my feelings bother you so much? Why is feeling considered a weakness by men?"
She knew they all said that. Antea had listened with her own ears. The lord of the North observed her as if she was a twig on the verge of breaking. They liked to underestimate her because she was a woman. But that had nothing to do with women or weakness.
Antea had always been known to be different from her siblings in matters of feelings and expressing them. She had a hard time controlling her emotions, but she managed most of the time. Yet, this was a new kind of feeling. Much greater than she had ever felt. And she felt as if it was impossible to keep it in.
"You've mistaken my words," Theon spoke, "I consider you anything but weak," Antea dared not to say anything, letting him continue, "I've watched you for ten years, and I figured you've got a temper, and your stubbornness can be unbearable," he let out a little nostalgic laugh, as she could hear him moving closer, "But I also know that you are protective and generous and your smile is the most beautiful sight I've ever lay my eyes upon," when he gently touched her arm, Antea could not help but let him move her so that their eyes could meet. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest, feeling him so close. "It pains me to see you filled with so much sorrow, knowing there's little I can do."
A tear rolled down her, wetting her cheek. Her breath got stuck in her throat when she felt his hand coming to touch her face. Drying her tear with his thumb.
"Theon..." she whispered as her eyes moved from his eyes to his lips. He was so close to her.
"Theon loves you, Antea," she remembered her sweet sister Sansa's voice. Those words made her blush as she looked over to Septa Mordane to be sure she hadn't heard. "Cyel, tell her it's the truth," Sansa said, almost begging the girl to keep with her needlework. But Antea didn't miss her smile.
"Love is a big word, sweet sister," Antea had whispered. But Sansa had looked at her as if she was really silly.
"He always looks at you," she had explained, "And he smiles."
Antea rolled her eyes, "He always smiles," she had answered. But Sansa had shook her head elegantly, like always.
"It's a different kind of smile."
Antea was close to thirteen when Sansa shared her thoughts. And Antea had blushed deeply. Theon was older than her and handsome and charming. She remembered that she hadn't been able to talk to him for the entire day after what Sansa had told her. Suddenly, feeling shy in his presence.
Maybe it's true, she had wandered. Maybe he truly has feelings for me.
She had kept thinking when they had danced together, not so long after.
But that good feeling soon had been replaced by realization when she had heard Theon speak with her twin brother about a girl he had bedded.
Antea had never realized that Theon could indulge in such behavior, but then she heard servant talk, and she had seen girls blush at his passage. That had cut deeper than she thought.
So, she kept on with her life, thinking of Theon as a dear friend. Not sharing her thoughts with anyone, not even Cyel. Theon liked women, but he did not have any interest in her.
But now, what was happening was something that she had not expected to happen. She felt confused, surely due to all those sleepless nights, but at the same time, his touch was so comforting. The same way it had comforted her when she had known about her father's death.
"My lady," he whispered, moving closer. His hand remained against her cheek. Antea moved her fingers to rest on his wrist. But not to move him away, if anything, to keep him close to her. Her eyes were full of tears.
"I'm so tired, Theon," Antea admitted after a moment of silence, "I feel nothing but pain."
His hold on her tightened, "I'd do anything to ease your heart, my lady." Antea let out a little sob.
"Why?" She asked before he could make sure she'd look into his eyes.
"Don't you know?" He asked, making her blush as he leaned forward, slowly pushing his lips against hers.
That was a strange feeling, the one Antea felt when their lips touched. She had never been kissed before, but with ease, she found herself kissing Theon's back. She had been hesitant at the beginning, not knowing exactly what to do. But the more she followed his movement, the more she found herself comfortable feeling his touch. Her hands traveled from his arms to his chest, gripping the cloth of his vest, as she was afraid he would walk away. But he didn't. Theon kept kissing her, holding her close when his hands found her hips. His touch and his lips brought her so much warmth, a feeling that she had almost forgotten those days. Feeling all those judging faces of the other lords. Of her king. But there in Theon's arms, she felt much more safe. Understood.
Soon, her fingers found his hair, pulling him closer. Allowing him to explore her mouth as it pleased him. And she savored every moment, feeling at ease in his arms.
"Antea," he whispered against her lips, "You're crying, my lady," but she took his face in her hands, stopping him from moving away. "Please, Theon." She whispered. He kissed her tears before his lips found hers again.
Antea closed her eyes, getting lost in that pleasurable feeling that was taking over her. She liked how his hand touched her hip, bringing her closer to his chest. She did the same, feeling the need to have him close.
"Princess Antea," the guard outside her chamber spoke, interrupting them. "The lady Catelyn is here for you."
Dread took over Antea as she took a step back from Theon, who looked at the door.
"Yes," Antea had been quick to answer, still short of breath.
"Meet me in the morrow," Theon was quick to whisper.
"What?" She whispered, eyeing the door.
"Meet me in the morrow," he repeated, "In the gardens." Antea found herself nodding her head. Her gesture made him smile.
Theon was quick to turn when the door opened to let Antea's mother enter her chamber. And only by the look on her face, she could see that the Lady Stark was not pleased by what she was looking at.
"My lady," Theon was quick to bow to her mother. Who looked at him rather coldly. "I'll take my leave, now," then he turned to Antea, bowing to her, "My princess," she didn't answer, but she had to do everything that she could not to let her cheek get red when she saw the smirk on his face when he looked at her.
Antea observed him walk away, still feeling his lips against her own. But her memory of the kiss the two had just shared had to be put aside. She had to face her mother.
"Why was Theon here?" The woman asked, with a tone that got Antea a shiver on her back.
"Robb was here as well," Antea was quick to answer, "But then he had to meet with Uncle Edmure." But her answer didn't ease her mother's gaze.
"But why was Theon here?" She asked.
Antea took a breath, sitting on her bed, immediately followed by Shadow, who sat at her feet.
"I was crying, Mother," she answered, "Theon was... comforting me."
Her mother studied her expression. And Antea prayed to all the gods that she wasn't showing any sign of flushing on her face.
"It is not appropriate for him to be in your chambers alone," her mother said.
Antea caressed Shadow's head, "Nothing happened," she lied, "How's grandfather?" She asked, trying to move away from the subject of Theon.
"Not well at all, I'm afraid," her mother's eyes were different from what had happened to Antea's father. She was hiding it well, but Antea fell her close. Sharing the same sadness. And the condition of Lord Hoster Tully was perceived even heavier now.
"As I've noticed your sorrow," her mother spoke, coming to sit next to her daughter, "I know you are suffering," Antea didn't answer, "But it's time for you to get back your strength. Your brother needs you," her mother said touching her hair.
"You know I would do anything for our family," Antea answered with honesty, "But I've felt so angry since my father..."
"I know, child," her mother said, "But since this war is far from over, we need to make the lords see that our house still stands."
"I do not want people to see me as weak, Mother," she said.
"They won't," her mother answered.
Theon doesn't, Antea thought. Feeling again the pressure of the boy's lips on hers. And that made her heart race.
"I've sent a raven to Winterfell," his mother said, getting Antea's attention back. She often wondered about her little brothers and how Rickon was growing up. How Bran was feeling. "Bran is to be wed. Not now, of course, but soon the ravens with words of his engagement will fly in the Seven Kingdoms."
"With Cyel?" Antea asked with wide eyes.
Her mother nodded her head, "It's time for all of us to do our part."
The night had passed with Antea tossing and turning. The expectation on herself, the words of her mother, Theon's lips. Everything was spinning in her head. There was so much that she felt. The sorrow for her family, the anger towards those judging lords, the weight of reality, knowing that she indeed had to do what was expected of her, and guilt. Guilt because if she thought about Theon's touch, she had finally felt a moment of peace. But was it fair to her father's memory?
In the morrow, Antea had joined her brother to break their fast. It had been a quiet meal, and both still felt very sensitive about their argument from the night before. But Antea had another reason to feel queer with her brother. She had never held secrets with him, yet she did not want him to know what had happened between her and Theon.
"They are forging my crown," Robb said as he ate. "They want to make it look like the crown of the Kings in the North."
Antea took a sip of milk, "Does it make you eager?" Robb scoffed.
"You're angry at me for some reason?" Antea lowered her eyes. It was strange. She knew he was her brother, she was looking at her beloved twin. And yet, his new title was heavy on everyone. She had been one of those agreeing with him. But she had not thought about the consequences. Her brother was now more exposed to risk than ever.
"I do not wish to lose you, Robb," she admitted without rage in her voice, "Loosing father had been a pain so great that I fear I'd lose myself if something like that would happen again," she felt Shadow resting her snout on her legs, and Antea was quick to caress her head.
Every time Antea felt something very strongly, it was like her direwolf would feel it as well and share it with her. She had been so attached to her pup that sometimes she dreamt of being her, running and hunting with Grey Wind.
In moments of sorrow, Shadow felt the only one who could understand her truly.
"I promise, it's not going to happen," Robb said, taking back her attention. "I'm in talks with the lords to look for another solution. One that will not require battlefields and fights."
Antea's eyes widened, "Truly?"
Her brother smiled. It was so strange to see his face covered with a beard. He seemed so much older. "I still need time, but I'll try this solution."
The girl nodded, feeling relieved that her brother didn't have to fight anymore. Or Theon.
She remembered how she had feared during the battle to take back Riverrun from the Lannisters, how she had waited for her brother to return and how she felt relieved when she saw him ride back with words of victory, how she had looked at Theon, feeling tears when she saw his usual smirk on his face. All of that was coming to an end. And of that, she was glad. But there was a thought that lingered in the back of her mind.
"What of the Kingslayer, though?" She asked. They couldn't let him go, even with peace.
"I do not intend to free him," Robb answered. Antea had no permission to talk to the prisoner. Her brother had forbidden her to. Robb knew how much she hated him for what he had done to Bran. But he knew well how much she hated the Lannisters and how Shadiw was quick to attack every time Antea got angry. Her pup could be very quiet and calm, as she could attack a man without a second thought. That happened when Antea had enough of those lords observing her. She still remembered Lord Bolton's face as the soldier held his arm.
After she had broken her fast, her brother, the King, was required by the lords. And Antea could not go. But she had somewhere to be.
She walked through the corridors of Riverrun. She had been born in that castle, but she had no memory of it. She had been nothing but a child attached to breast when it had been possible for her to go home. Winterfell.
Riverrun was different from her castle. And its defenses were impressive, by what she came to know. They could easily open the gates to transform the castle into an island surrounded by water on all sides. She knew it would have been a sight. But a sight she did not wish to see.
Antea made her way to the gardens. Her hands were sweating, and her heart was racing at the thought of seeing Theon after what happened. She had no idea what to expect.
When she stepped outside, she saw Theon standing on a side, bowing his head when Lord Rickard Karstark passed. Antea did not know what to do.
What should I say? The girl asked herself. But when Richard Karstark noticed her presence, he bowed, "Good morrow, Princess Antea," she felt her cheeks burn when she saw Theon turning in her direction.
"Good morrow, my lord," Antea answered politely.
"Your beauty is a welcoming sight, my princess," the man said. There was a hint of sorrow in his voice. Antea knew why and could understand. He was still mourning his sons, lost during the Battle of the Whispering Woods. His sons had saved Robb's life. An act she would never forget.
"The King will be pleased by your presence, my lord," she said with courtesy. The man bowed one last time before entering the castle. When the heavy door closed at her back, Antea started to feel nervous again as her eyes met Theon's.
"I'm glad you're here, my lady," he said, stepping closer. Antea felt the shyness grow inside of her. Remembering the kiss they've shared, "For a moment, I thought you would not be coming."
The smile never left his face as he spoke to her. "I wanted to meet you," she said, lowering her gaze for a moment, "I think we need to talk about what happened."
Theon took a breath before nodding his head. Then he offered his arm to her to take. "Shall we take a walk?"
It would have been more fitting. She didn't want her mother to know what had happened. So Antea accepted his arm, letting him guide her through the gardens. Shadow had already disappeared. But she was there. Antea could feel her eyes on her.
"What did you want to talk about?" Asked Theon, making her glare at him.
"You know," she answered, trying to speak with a hushed voice. That seemed to amuse him.
"You are too shy to call it by its name?" He said, righting his grip on her arm when he felt her try to pull back.
"I will not be mocked, Theon," she argued as the boy tilted his head to the side.
"That's not my intent, my lady," he said, the smile never leaving his face, as he leaned forward, "It's just, you're so lovely, I might want to kiss you again."
"Theon…" she whispered, giving a quick look at their surroundings to be sure no one was around.
"You don't want me to?" He asked, not moving away.
I want you to, she thought. Her eyes moved to his lips so close to hers. She would have liked to feel them pressed on hers again.
"Why did you kiss me?" She asked instead. Theon lowered his gaze for a moment.
"Because I've wanted to for quite some time," he answered. For quite some time? What did he mean? For how long? But before she could ask anything else, he kept walking once again. "But I wanted for you to try something this day." Theon leads her through the gardens, further from the castle. Until she saw a bow resting on the ground next to a target to practice. Something like twenty arrows were stuck on the ground.
"Archery?" She asked, turning to the young man next to her, who showed his smile.
"I wanted to take your mind away from sad thoughts," he answered, "I meant it when I said my heart ache not to see your smile again."
Antea looked at him, moved by everything he was doing for her. But a single question came to her mind, "Why?"
Theon smiled, taking her face gently between his hands, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs, "Don't you know?" He asked her before leaning forward and pressing his lips on hers once again. And Antea found herself closing her eyes, savoring that kiss that filled her with all those same sweet feelings of the night before.