CASSANDRA

Life at the Wall had been busier than usual. Lord Mormont and Lady Eloyse had been spending days organizing the mission behind the Wall to find Benjen and his group. Cassie felt for the man. She knew how strong Benjens Stark was, but being missing for so long was not giving her much hope. And her heart felt queer feelings at the thought of losing Benjen. Not after what had happened to Ned by the command of her brother, the new baby king. Joffrey Baratheon.

She knew that her brother could have been a course in the Seven Kingdoms, especially with her mother, Cersei Lannister, as Queen Regent. But starting a war was something that she would have never thought would have happened.

As she would not have thought of Robb Stark being crowned as King of the North. Or her uncle Renly and Stannis naming themselves as the rightful heir of the Seven Kingdoms.

That's an awful lot of kings these days, she has been thinking.

In any way this war was going to end, many lives would have been lost. And she didn't want to think about it. But she found herself being forced to think about that war constantly.

At the Wall, many people looked at her as if she shared the same vision as her family. As if she had been the one giving command to take Lord Eddard Stark.

I would have never hurt Lord Stark, she thought. Ned was a good man. The very best.

She often found herself thinking about the late Warden of the North. The man had been a more constant presence in her life than her father.

"You do not dance, princess?" He had asked her once. She was eight years old at the time. Her black hair was all tangled as she observed Antea, Sansa, and Cyel dancing in the Hall. They were dining. One of the feasts that lord Stark held with commoners as well. Robb and Jon were running around with Greyjoy. But Cassie had been watching the girls, moving gracefully even if they were just children.

"No, my lord," her younger self had answered with a shake of her head.

"And why is that?" Ned Stark had knelt by her side so that they both could be at the same height.

Cassandra shrugged her shoulders, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks behind her long black hair.

"I don't know how," she had muttered with a little pout. She already knew many things about fighting, but she had no idea how to look as graceful as other noble girls.

"Truly?" Ned asked with a gentle tone. Cassie did not answer, she only turned to look at him. Her expression made him chuckle before he reached out his hand, "Do we want to learn together?"

Cassandra looked at him with big blue eyes, "You do not know how to dance?" She had asked, a strange whistle left her mouth as she talked, due to her missing front tooth.

"Indeed," he answered with a nod. Cassie felt that he was lying, but she didn't care. She had accepted his hand, letting him lead her through the dance floor. And they danced and laughed every time Cassie stepped on the man's foot. She had so much fun looking up at Eddard Stark and wishing for him to be her father.

Those memories hurt her deeply. And she desperately wanted to push them aside, but she didn't manage. Cassie did not want to forget the affection that she held for Ned Stark or the gratitude for having shown her a shadow of what a family should look like.

A shadow was enough.

But it hurt her as well that people thought that she didn't care about what had happened. But she did not have to make them understand. She did not have to explain herself.

"Why are you moving cell, anyway?" He had asked her as he helped her move her few things into another cell. She had decided to move next to Jon's. No one slept on that side of Castle Black. Jon had been sleeping there so that he could take his albino direwolf with him. "We are leaving soon."

"Soon is not now," Cassie had answered, "And I prefer to be alone."

That made him let out a snort, "Next to my cell?"

She looked back at him, "I've got my own," she reminded him, "It's not like I'm sleeping with you."

They kept walking in silence for some more before Jon spoke again. "Things are still tense with Wylliana?"

Cassie lowered her eyes. She had not been speaking with Wylliana since their argument in the Hall. And none of them seemed to be willing to take back their words.

"I could talk to her," Jon proposed as they reached Cassie's new cell.

"I don't need your help, Jon Snow," she answered, putting her Valyrian Steel dagger in an old wooden closet. "She had spoken her mind. I don't care."

"You're so stubborn," he complained, sitting on her bed with a heavy sigh.

Cassie frowned, "She hates me."

"She wants you to talk to her," his answer made her turn to him with crossed arms.

"You've become really close, it seems."

"You're letting your temper talk, it seems," he fired back. His grey eyes observed her.

"Of course," Cassie said, throwing her hands in the air, "She is telling many things about me, and I can't stand it."

"I thought you didn't care what other people think about you," Jon declared, making her glare at him.

"I'm not like my family," she exclaimed with fierce. Jon went silent, "I'm nothing like them. I do not share their thoughts. And if I had been able, I would have done something!" She then took a deep breath, remembering Ned's gentle smile. The memory hurt her. "Everyone thinks this, I know."

"That's not true, Cassie," she scoffed, putting her hands on her hips. "I don't," Jon's words made her look at him.

She knew he didn't. And she was grateful for that even if she didn't know how to show this gratitude to him.

Cassie took a breath, "I've been trying to write to them. To understand. But they do not write back to me."

"Maybe because of the war," Jon said with a bit of bitterness in his tone. But Cassie let out a sarcastic scoff, sitting next to Jon.

"I wish," she said, "But this is not queer on their part."

That made him frown as he observed her. "No one ever writes to me from King's Landing."

"Why?" He asked, confused, and his expression made her chuckle.

"My family is very different from yours, Jon," Cassie admitted, "My father did not know me. Joffrey hates me. As I him. My younger siblings... I feel very little for them, mostly because of my mother."

"Your mother?" He asked gently. The gentle Jon Snow.

"She looks at me as if I'm an abomination. As if she had never seen something more hideous in her life," she scoffed bitterly, "She does not write to me even for my name-day."

Jon looked at her with pain in his eyes, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Cassie took a breath, "I don't care."

He shook his head, "That's not true," he was not attacking her. And the tone he was using was the only reason why she didn't feel rage. He understood her. It had been always like that. In a way or another, Jon Snow was always able to understand her.

"I've pushed it away, Jon," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"You can't do that forever, Cassie," Jon said.

The girl felt like rolling her eyes, "Why not?"

"Because you've got feelings," he said with a firm tone, "You cannot pretend to feel nothing."

"I'm not pretending," she insisted, "I'm stronger than those feelings."

Jon observed her for a moment, "You think it is strong not to feel, but that does not prevent you from feeling."

Cassie lowered her eyes, shaking her head, "I've never trembled, Jon. This means I'm strong. If I get lost in my feelings, it would make me weak."

He searched for her gaze, "Emotions are not something to fear, Cassie," he spoke.

Cassie smiled at him, "To me, they are."