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Chapter 11
When Elizabeth emerged from the retiring room, she remembered a door leading to the gardens from the drawing room opposite and went to it, needed a moment to calm herself, before facing the crush of guests once more. As soon as she felt the cool spring night air envelope her, she felt some of the tension ease from her shoulders. The notes from the music wafting outside from the open windows creating an image of the couple dancing merrily. As she knew the music playing well, she knew there was at least ten minutes left of the dance.
Moving further along the wall of the house, once she rounded the corner, she would see the terrace opening out from the ballroom. Taking short steps in the direction of the terrace until it came into view, Elizabeth intended to re-enter the ballroom from there with smile upon her face, determined to not allow what she had overheard to ruin her mood and cause a scene. A sudden movement in the corner of her eye made her freeze. She slowly turned and was both relieved and upset to find Mr Darcy standing feet away with his back to her and staring up at the stars. Holding her breath, she tried to creep backwards quietly, so as to remain undetected. But sensing her presence he turned at her first step. Frowning a moment before he recognised her, his hair was slightly windswept as he walked towards her, a small smile playing on his lips.
"I am not sure whether I have told you how beautiful you look this evening, Elizabeth; but you are radiant! I am sure I am the envy of every gentleman in attendance." he stopped before her, raising a hand to cup her cheek, but she stepped out of his reach.
Mr Darcy frowned questioningly. He even looked around as if something or someone else were present, but he obviously could not see anything amiss and so he let his gaze travel back to rest upon hers warily. They stayed this way, he did not speak, but waited patiently, cocking his head to the side ever so slightly.
"Why were you late this evening?" Elizabeth asked, quietly.
"Hmm? Oh, there was an issue with my housekeeper. Normally, it would have been dealt with by someone else, but the house was frantic trying to make everything perfect for the ball and so I thought it would be easier for me to see to it." he said, visibly having to dismiss his own thoughts, before answering her question.
"You did not think it would be best for you to be there for your betrothed? As you know most of the guests in attendance are strangers to myself and my family. It was quite uncomfortable to greet them without your assistance in making the necessary introductions."
Fitzwilliam noted the steely edge to her tone. Frowning in confusion, "I suppose that yes, I should have…"
"It raised quite a few brows that we did not open the dancing…"
"Elizabeth I am afraid I do not understand, I thought when I apologised earlier, we had moved past this."
"Well, since our dance, I have decided I would like to know your true reason for departing London,Mr Darcy," she said sweetly. Getting angrier by the second.
"Quite an enlightened quarter hour, you have had!" he drawled.
"Do not mock me!" she said, angrily.
"I am not mocking you, but this is hardly the proper timing or place for this conversation, is it?" he retorted.
"Well, from past experience, this is most likely to be our only moment. Who knows when'urgent business'might take you from London again!" she snapped.
"And what is that supposed to mean, Elizabeth?"
"Miss Bennet to you, at least for a few more days! It means, Mr Darcy, that I would have expected you to a be a bit more discreet with your 'housekeeper'!" she hissed.
When he failed to answer, she looked at him beseechingly, "Tell me, was it the actress? The rich widow? Someone new? I do not know why I care so much, but I do when that is the topic of all the whispers behind my back."
"I am not even going to dignify that with an answer. We are going to go back inside, and we shall deal with this tomorrow when you have calmed down." he said evenly.
"We most certainly are not, Mr Darcy. You cannot brush aside my concerns, nor will I allow you to invalidate my feelings on this matter. Every conversation we have had so far, every moment shared has been on your terms. I demand an answer from you!" she demanded, her voice rising slightly.
"An answer about what, Miss Bennet?" he said.
"The women you are keeping! Everyone is speaking of them. Do you really have so little self-control that you cannot restrain yourself or at least be descreet?"
"Ah yes, the three mistresses. I am sorry to disappoint, but even I am not man enough, nor rich enough to keep three mistresses happy and entertained." Mr Darcy said stepping closer, crowding her but she refused to back down. "May I at least know the identity of my accuser's?"
"Do not be so facetious!" she said, stepping closer in her agitation.
He looked puzzled for a moment, before he let out a bark of laughter, "You do not even know them, do you?"
"What does it matter if I know them or not? True, I overheard a conversation, but gossip always has some truth to it, no matter how small." she sniffed, hating that he so easily was making her feelings look insignificant.
"Will you never learn, that no good ever came from eavesdropping?" he asked.
"Where were you then?" she questioned, planting her hands on her hips.
"I have already told you where I was."
"No, you haven't, you have just tried to laugh at me and make my upset appear trivial. You have refused to let me in at every turn! All that I have learnt about you, is from your family." she said, breathing heavily. "Tell me you would not be asking the same of me had you overheard gossips saying I had a lover?"
He turned his back to her, running his hands through his hair and locking his fingers behind his neck, before facing her once more. "I do not know what you have expected of me these past two weeks. I am at a loss, for how I could have possibly demonstrated enough for you to know me in such a short span of time. It may not have seemed like it, but I have tried to be amiable and talk to you."
Elizabeth remained silent.
"When the axel broke, I normally would not have come and found you at Matlock house or offered to invite you to walk in Hyde Park, in fact if it were not for our engagement, I would not have found myself leaving London." Darcy said, dropping his hands to his side and looking away from her. "I have tried so hard, because this was a genuine error that has resulted in our engagement. I have sister's and am not insensitive to the fact that your life will change much more than mine will."
"Mr Darcy, those things are the minimum expected when a couple is courting. Yes, you invited me to walk in Hyde Park, before you were mysteriously called from London. You then came to see my father to agree the marriage settlement but left no time to take tea with should have tried harder."
"Really?" he said, his jaw ticking as he ground his teeth.
"I want to know the real man I am to marry."
"This again! You keep claiming you do not know me, but I do not know you either! This was hardly a traditional engagement!" he said, his hands growing restless at his sides.
"I am speaking of obvious things, sir. Like your scar, Mr Darcy… you haven't told me of how you got it. surely if I am to look at it every day for the rest of my life, I should know how it came to be there."
"I am sorry that my disfiguration will be such a chore for you." he growled; his voice menacingly low. "Perhaps, you might wish to avoid standing to that side of me."
"That is not what I meant, sir. I am simply asking for you to let me in. You have spoken of the desire we share, and I will not lie, it is strong for me too. But I do not wish to be strangers sharing a home. Won't you tell me how it happened?" she asked softly.
"It's a long story."
"It is good then, that I am fond of long stories." she replied evenly, her mood shifting once more impatiently.
"Not. This. One." he said, with finality.
Elizabeth opened her mouth to say something more, when he silenced her with his hand. She blinked, and in that moment, his face became an inscrutable mask and when he spoke his voice held no emotion, at all.
"Let us agree that we are not going to resolve this tonight, and supper will be served shortly. I have heard everything you have said, and I will no longer attempt to win your favour Miss Bennet, but I will offer you some reassurance as to what had caused your upset this evening. I am not going to deny ever having had a mistress or having laid with a woman in my past. I am a man of the world and truthfully, had never seriously considered marrying. That is something you can now say you know of my character." he said, failing to resist the jab that presented itself.
Elizabeth blushed and gave him a thunderous look but did not speak. She wanted to hear what excuses he would make and then she would retaliate.
"I do not believe a husband or wife should dishonour vows made before God, and as such, I no longer have a mistress and do not intend to. I would hope, we can now be civil for the duration of this evening and tomorrow at breakfast. Ella told me you are to be staying the night with your family?" he asked.
Elizabeth simply nodded before responding, "We are not married yet, Mr Darcy. As much as I thank you for finally answering me honestly, I do not appreciate that getting an answer to questions arising from an upsetting situation, in which you can admit you have mishandled and left me to face the judgement of the ton alone, only exacerbating the judgement I shall face. You not being there sent a very clear message, which I had graciously overlooked as I felt that our dance should have put across the correct impression."
"I would ask then, that we not argue any further tonight, I believe both my sister's and your family took great pleasure in organising this event for us." he replied.
She had thought she had witnessed him cold and aloof before, but this was different, he had completely retreated within himself and shut her out.
"Very well," she replied, quietly. Her feelings around whether marrying this man would be a better option than potentially facing a scandal from crying off.
"I will enter through the side entrance to be sure we do not look as though we have been out here alone together, you go in through the terrace doors." he instructed, his voice flat. Then he bowed and disappeared around the side of the house. Elizabeth stood rooted to the spot. Taking deep steadying breaths, she prepared herself to re-enter the ballroom when Mr Darcy re-appeared.
He came towards her, removing a small box from within his breast pocket and placed it on decorative Grecian pillar beside her, "That, is the main reason I left for Derbyshire, I had hoped to give it to you under happier circumstances. It was my mother's, you do not have to wear it this night, but it belongs to you now." bowing again, he left her alone once more.
With shaking fingers, Elizabeth reached for the box but could not bring herself to look at it. She placed it safely in her reticule, swiped at the single tear that had trickled down her cheek, plastered a smile upon her face and went back inside.
Later evening, after everyone had retired Elizabeth found herself unable to sleep. At around three o'clock in the morning, she finally gave up trying to sleep and crept from the bed, so as not to wake her sister, asleep next to her. Moving to sit beside the window she pressed her face against the glass. She winced as though in pain when she thought back to the supper a few hours ago. It had been an absolute disaster!
Through the supper, Mr Darcy did not attempt to say a single word to her. When others asked him questions or tried to include him in the conversation, he would either grant them a one-word answer, or simply nod. She wondered, whether he might be a bit foxed, but then she had noticed that he had not touched the glass of wine that had been placed before him nor the brandy the gentlemen had partaken of, though he held a full tumbler of it for some time. She thought harder on it and realised she had never seen Mr Darcy finish a single alcoholic drink... very singular for gentleman.
"Well, he proved one thing true, he most certainly was not a liar. He certainly is no longer trying to win my favour, if he ever was." she mumbled, misting the window before her. He did not try to converse at all with her. Her relatives kept giving her odd looks, where his relatives acted as though it were normal. Perhaps itwasnormal behaviour from him. She had noticed Hugo and Ella whispering at one point, but they grew silent when she approached.
Then their final dance, another waltz, to close the ball… she shuddered at the memory. Elizabeth could not remember a more awkward experience in all her twenty years. What was worse, however, was that his eyes had strayed to Jane a few times as she and Hugo had been dancing together too, as had Ella and Mr Bingley, Lord and Lady Matlock and even her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner had joined them. All of them happily chatting, whilst they glided around the dance floor.
But Mr Darcy's – Fitzwilliam's touch still had the power to ignite something within her, as they had danced during one movement, she had felt his powerful thighs against hers, steering them and she had almost forgotten how to breathe, before he corrected their proximity. Perhaps he didn't feel it in the same way because he had laid with other women before. Maybe it was only as exciting for her because she had never experienced desire before…
"Enough!" she whispered to herself. Looking up at the sky she saw the moon was shining brightly in and decided some fresh air would be the perfect way to help organise her thoughts.
Slipping her robe over her night dress and opening the door a crack she peaked out into the hall. Not sure why, but when she saw her reticule hanging from the dressing room door, she reached in for the small box within, tucking it away in her robe pocket. With one last look back at Jane she made her way quietly through the house and back towards the ballroom stopping in its centre. The moon illuminated the room well enough for her to see that the room had been organised to be tidied away the next day, she supposed in case they were to make too much noise whilst everyone slept. She wandered over to the French doors enjoying the cold marble against her bare feet and tried to open the doors only to find that they were locked.
"Hmmm, if I were a key, where would I be?" she wondered out loud.
Glancing about the room she recalled that at Longbourn, Hill always kept a spare key hidden on top of the door frames. She picked up one of the chairs, that had been stacked against the wall nearest to her and placed it in front of the doors. Finding once she stood on it, that she was still too short to reach the top of the frame, she lifted the hem of her robe and nightdress and placed her foot upon the back of the chair to stand upon it, when it wobbled and slipped out from under her.
Before she could manage a scream, powerful arms came around her, steadying her in the air. She felt her back pressed firming against a hard chest. Elizabeth made no attempt to move away, knowing without looking that it was Mr Darcy. Looking down to where his hands still held her aloft, from her waist she saw a few scars on them, highlighted by the moon. She moved a finger to trace over one, but he set her to the ground before she could.
"You should be more careful, Miss Bennet. Had I not been here, you could have been seriously injured." warned, Mr Darcy flatly.
Turning to face him, "What are you doing here?" she asked.
Instead of answering her, he turned abruptly, walking away from her muttering under his breath. She thought she caught something along the lines of,"more questions..."
"Wait!" she called out. She hadn't spoken very loudly but with the whole house silent her voice carried.
Stopping and turning towards her, he waited for her to catch up to him. She looked so innocent in her white night gown, that covered everywhere but her hands, feet and head. If it weren't for the robe tied at her waist, it would have drowned her. Her dark locks were braided and resting over one shoulder falling past her waist. He schooled his features and stood there expressionless; her accusations earlier had his guard up.
Her sensual mouth curved up into a half smile, "I had not thought anyone else would be awake." she mumbled, wringing her hands before her.
Her breath hitched as she noticed that he was still dressed however, his cravat and his evening jacket had long been discarded. His hair was slightly mussed, and it made Elizabeth yearn to run her fingers through it. The exposed column of his throat tantalising her, she wished she could bite and lick it as he had done hers. She could not hide the shock at her wanton thoughts and when her gaze met his electric blue ones, she saw a moment of intrigue before he masked it once more. She didn't miss the heat of his stare as it had travelled down her body when she had been approaching him, his hands flexing as though he were trying to regain control of himself. He did not seem such a bad man. Elizabeth could not deny that it felt as though they were drawn to one another. It may be that they simply needed a fresh start. Leave their arguments behind them and have one more try at this.
"I am sorry, Fitzwilliam." she said taking a gulping breath, simply looking up at him, her large, expressive eyes glistening in the moonlight.
His expression instantly softened, and he nodded gently. He wanted to apologise but he feared saying the wrong thing, before he could think better of what he was doing, he brought his hands up to cradle her face, but she looked away from him.
"Look at me, Elizabeth." he said, quietly. Unable to deny him, she raised her eyes back to his.
Bending his knees, so that his hips aligned with hers, he tentatively kissed her. Unlike the last two kisses they had shared, he took his time, allowing her to grow accustomed to his mouth against hers. She held on, gripping his biceps as she opened for him. His tongue swept in.
Wanting to be an active participant this time, Elizabeth returned his kiss with a fervour, matching his. He moved his hands to span her ribcage and used his thumbs to press feather light caresses over the undersides of her breasts. Hearing her throaty whimper, He could hardly contain his carnal response to her, he burned for her. Wanting nothing more than to tear her gown from her to behold her breasts for himself, he knew they would be a beautiful, he let out a groan of frustration knowing that he should not even be entertaining such thoughts!
I cannot take her before our wedding night, he told himself. But that did not mean he could not give her a taste…