HAYMITCH

It had been an exhausting morning but I knew that this situation was not going to be sustainable for long, winning district two was critical in order to take direct action against the capitol. As I made my way to my compartment, I saw an agitated Leila come running up.

"Haymitch, you have to come" she pulled me by the arm to come with her.

"What's the hurry Leila?" I said as I tried to keep up with her.

"It's Peeta. He wants to see you now, isn't that amazing?" she said smiling at me

"how did you convince him?"

"I had nothing to do with it. We were talking about using liquor in some cakes and out of the blue he asked to see you" well, I could see the correlation there.

"Well, let's get this over with"

"don't worry, everything is going to be fine. This is a pretty big breakthrough, don't you think?" she said enthusiastically and I didn't share the same sentiment. This was going to be a pretty tough conversation, more so than it was with Katniss. Once I got to his room, the same crowd as always was waiting to watch the meeting. I took a deep breath and walked in. He just stared at me in silence for several minutes, shooting daggers at me with his eyes.

"you know it should be you and not me tied to this bed right?"

"I'm aware of that, Peeta," I said calmly.

"This is what you planned with that harpy?"

"no, Katniss didn't know anything about the plan either. Nothing that happened was part of the plan, Peeta."

"really?" he snorted, "so what was the plan? all of us being a happy family holding hands? or better yet, using me for your stupid plans?" he scoffed

"The plan was to get you and Katniss out of that arena and save as many people as we could, but the capitol intervened quicker than we expected and we lost all sight of the arena, when they started attacking us we had no choice but to leave you there."

"and the attack on the 12th district? was that also part of the plan?" he asked me angrily.

"no. I knew there would be reprisals but I never imagined that the capitol would decide to wipe out the whole district".

"Well, apparently you didn't think many things through, you screwed up! you killed your own people" I just nodded. We stared at each other, and I didn't recognize the sweet boy from 12, but a man with rage and hatred. Every attack, I received it calmly, it was less than I deserved, there were no words in this world that could justify my actions or excuse me for all the suffering he had to go through. My role was to protect him and Katniss and I failed miserably. "I trusted you, and because of you, they killed my family. I lost everything, they tortured me... "he fell silent for a moment." Since yours is already dead you don't care about anything else, do you?" that hurt. I cared and I cared a lot about everything that had happened. Not a day went by that I didn't think of everything I could have done differently. "You're no different than them. You're just an arrogant disgusting old alcoholic and I hope one day you pay for all the damage you've caused."

"Well, that'll be two of us waiting for that day to come, Peeta" the conversation died here and I immediately left the room to the expectant gaze of the medical team. I just shrugged, I had nothing to say, I wasn't the expert and I wasn't in the mood to theorize on anything I just wanted to get out of here.

" Haymitch!" Leila called following me

"Not now Leila. I have things to do."

Fortunately at that moment my communicuff started to vibrate. I was needed on command. At least that would distract me enough from this shitty day. Our team in district 2 had made a decision and it wasn't something I agreed with, it was too risky and we couldn't measure the consequences. But it wasn't something I had any decision making influence on, they only wanted me there because at the end of the day they wanted to shoot a propo with Katniss and they wanted me to guide her. While they were still discussing the details of the plan I decided to go out and take a break, they wouldn't need me until late at night. On my way to go see Peeta I ran into Leila again.

"Hi, you didn't eat anything at lunch, I brought you this" she handed me an apple.

"Thanks" I lazily ate the fruit.

"Is everything okay in there?"

"Sort of. We're waiting to bomb the military center in district 2."

"What do you mean?"

"That most of the Capitol's arsenal and military manpower resource is going down" she gaped.

"Are they all going to die?"

"I told you, we don't know yet. The rebel attack will leave them a loophole but we still don't know what's going to happen in the Nut" I sighed wearily. I hadn't been wrong about today being a shitty day.

"That's the only alternative?" I shrugged, I couldn't say. I just hoped we would win with the least loss of life " Haymitch?"

"Mmh?"

"Peeta didn't mean what he said, you know? He's just confused. Don't feel sad."

"I'm not sad, Leila. And I think the only one confused here is you."

"I'm not. Nothing is your fault, I don't think you deserve the worst" I knew her intentions were good but I didn't need any of this right now.

"Whatever. You're not rushing to the kitchens today?" She denied.

"Is there anything I can help with?"

"No, not really. Have you been to see Peeta?"

"Not since this morning. I know he's been receiving visits from Prim though, are you going to go see him?"

"yes" Even though the encounter with him this morning didn't go entirely well I was still concerned about his well being.

"ok, I'll walk with you"

"as you wish" We walked in comfortable silence through the halls of thirteen, each lost in our own thoughts.

" Haymitch what's going to happen when it's all over?"

"What do you mean?"

"When the rebels win, what's going to happen?" I looked at her surprised.

"Am I hallucinating or is this the first time I hear you talking about us winning?" I scoffed and she rolled her eyes "I don't know Leila, a lot of changes are going to happen that's for sure. The games are going to be over and a new government will be installed."

"yes, yes, I understand that but that's not what I mean" she shut up "when all this is over what are you going to do? don't you dream of something?"

"nope. When the day comes I'll decide. and you? if you're asking me it's because you have something on your mind, right?"

"no" she said firmly with a frown. I was confused with the course of this conversation and didn't understand what she was getting at.

"I imagine you were dreaming of something else before besides games, no?"

"Kai and Lara" ah! her friends and victims of the games. She always avoided talking about them.

"you were very close to them, weren't you?"

"yes, I think so even though we didn't see each other much".

"How come? your old man forbade you?" she sighed in exasperation.

"it wasn't necessary. They had to work to help in their homes so they often missed school and even late at night they worked. When I had some money I would give it to them so they didn't have to work and we could spend time together."

"You paid them to be your friends?" I was surprised.

"No it's not like that, it was just a help" she said irritated.

"I don't follow you. So you were dreaming of spending time with them?"

"no and yes, I... I think I was jealous of them".

"I don't see why?"

"because they had everything I wanted," she muttered.

"a life of forced labor at a young age?" I snorted.

"No Haymitch. A family that loved each other dearly and a certain future. Kai and Lara were a couple, it was only a matter of time before they would marry and..."

"had kids, who the capitol could send to their damn Games" I interrupted her.

"It was a possibility but it would be worth it…"

"It's selfish to think like that."

"You never dreamed of having your own family? Would it be so bad if..."

"I had it and they were killed, remember?"

"don't say that! You still have Peeta and Katniss, they are your family."

"and look where that's gotten them" I scoffed.

"you've done your best, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself".

"Really Leila, I don't know where you're going with this conversation and I'm a little tired to follow you" I stopped dead in my tracks.

"nowhere, I've just been thinking" she kept silent and my little patience was at its limit "in 3 weeks it would be... forget it I don't know what I'm really thinking" she half smiled "I think I better let you go alone, I better go to work" she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and left.

There I was left confused and relieved to have a moment alone to think; sometimes I had no idea what she was talking about. Once I got to Peeta's room I saw that he was accompanied by the shrink. From what the doctor next to me explained, they wanted to show Peeta one of the propos we did in District 12. When Katniss' distorted voice started to come through he frowned and closed his eyes.

"I know that song, I've heard it before," Peeta whispered.

"Can you recognize who sings the song?" asked the doctor.

"A woman? but I haven't heard it before from a woman, it was a man".

"Can you dig a little deeper into that memory, Peeta?"

"it was...it was the mutt's father" he stumbled as he spoke.

"You mean Katniss?"

"Yes, she. He sang...my dad said that when he sang the mockingjay would stop to listen to him sing and then imitate his songs" he paused and the doctor let him take his moment to remember without interrupting him "I think I was 6 or 7 years old when he came to exchange with my dad some squirrels, I wanted to check if what my dad said was true, so when I heard him sing I went out of the bakery and watched the birds, they repeated the song" still with his eyes closed an imperceptible smile seemed to appear on his face

"That's a lovely memory Peeta" and it was. This was the first time he remembered something related to Katniss and didn't go into a mental breakdown. At that moment my communicuff rang again and as much as I wanted to stay and see what this little breakthrough in Peeta ended up in, I knew that in command I was needed more.

Hours passed and the plan was set in motion. As Beete predicted, once the attack started we could not control the consequences of the attack; I was speechless at the images we were seeing on the monitor. For Katniss this had to be even more horrible to see it in person and I did my best to calm her down and distract her, maybe the news of Peeta would cheer her up a bit but it was useless. When a group from the Nut started to come out, it was Katniss' time to perform in front of the cameras but as everything we planned never went according to plan, Katniss was injured. Chaos took over district two, but my only concern was the 17 year old girl who was currently being transferred to district 13.

Once she arrived in the district, a medical team checked her out. The bullet didn't do any major damage, just some nasty bruises and a rupture in her spleen but she was alive and that was what mattered most to me. I stayed by her bedside for a while, just watching her. At what point did I allow this child to have this great responsibility, because Katniss was just that, just a child. Only when her mom and sister came to take care of her did I leave her side.

I was furious with myself, with this district, with life itself and with every person that existed. What I wanted most was to disappear, to lose myself in alcohol and forget everything. Fucking shitty day! I headed to my room hoping to be alone for a few moments but when I entered Leila was already there. Ignoring her I plopped down on the side of the bed.

"Katniss is okay right?"

"Yes."

"And you are?"

"Yes."

"Are you mad, Haymitch?"

"What do you want, Leila?"

"nothing. I was just worried about you" I let out a sigh of resignation.

"Don't be, I wasn't the one who took a bullet."

"I know. Is there anything I can do?"

"Can you get a bottle of good liquor?" she shuddered and shook her head "then no, there's nothing you can do."

We stood in silence. She was still with that mythology book pretending to read while she was giving me sidelong glances, I put my arm across my face to avoid her gazes. I felt like my head was going to explode, I was exhausted and yet I knew I couldn't sleep, I hated this place and everything that was happening. Today didn't feel like a victory but a harbinger of what could happen to Katniss if I allowed them to continue to expose her like that. How much I wish I could turn back time, to my poor home, to my simple life, I would give up anything just to relive that time for a moment.

"What are you thinking about, Haymitch?" Leila interrupted my sad memories.

"In herb soup" I answered automatically

"Is this some kind of joke?" she asked, confused.

"You asked me today what I was dreaming about, well all I want is that."

"What's so special about that soup?" everything was special but she wouldn't understand what I meant and I didn't want to tell her but at least this way she wouldn't bother me anymore with her pity.

"a little mint, parsley, onion, some dandelions, rosemary and thyme."

"I've never heard of that recipe, is it from your district?"

"Yeah, something like that. Other than stalking me all day, what else did you do today?"

"I didn't stalk you. Nothing special just in the kitchens as usual" she smoothed out her clothes " I've been thinking of doing something but I think I'll get in trouble" she confessed to me.

" Is that bad what you are thinking?"

"not really, but the people in this district might think differently."

"Are you going to tell me what it is?" she shook her head laughing "it better be a surprise."

"Well, at least if you get in trouble I won't be your accomplice".

"that's what I thought" I chuckled, whatever she was planning I knew it wouldn't be anything serious.

"haven't you finished reading that book?"

"Yeah, something like that"

"Do you want me to take it back and get you another one?"

"no, I want to read it again, if you don't mind."

"suit yourself," I shrugged. She reached out to put the book down on the table and our gazes met and I got that same shock running through me every time she approached me like this.

Then she leaned hesitantly over me and I parted the distance between us by kissing her. I grabbed her by the waist pulling her closer to me and in a bold move on her part, which surprised me, she straddled me. The need to feel every part of her body was driving me crazy, with my hands I caressed her back and pulled her tighter to me. I kissed her desperately, she was water in an arid desert and I was thirsty for more. I left her sweet lips and continued my kissing path down her neck.

"Haymitch "Leila moaned, giving me more access to her neck which I didn't waste. For a moment she separated from me only to take off her shirt. I thought I lost my sanity at that very moment, nothing logical or coherent was going through my mind, only this primitive desire that I wanted to satiate. I reached around her to get on top of her and continued my way across those round breasts trapped in her bra. I felt her hands on her pants, struggling with the button to open it, I returned to her lips and helped her with the task of opening it and pulling it off; I went back on top of her even more desperate to get between her legs, our agitated breaths were the only thing that could be heard in the room.

Knock knock! "Haymitch, are you there?" Boggs asked.

"Fuck" I cursed quickly pulling away from a scared Leila. It took me a minute to wake up before I opened the door barely preventing him from seeing into the room.

"You forgot the communicuff and we need you in command now."

"I guess I don't have a choice?" I growl. He shook his head and without another backward glance I followed Boggs.

On the way to command, it took me a few minutes to clear my mind of what almost happened in that room. I laughed to myself. Whenever I was with the girl I always lost my mind, at least this time we were in the privacy of the room and not in the middle of a hallway or plants. Once I got to command and learned the reason for this meeting, I was disappointed. Apparently Plutarch had come up with a genius propo idea to slap the capitol's bruised ego. Celebrate a marriage. The victims of this event: Finnick and Annie. Now the question was how, when and on what terms the event was to take place. Of course for this debate the bride and groom were not invited, indeed they had no idea yet that they were getting married. I snorted in irritation, the whole thing was ridiculous and I didn't know what they wanted me here for, as far as I knew, I wasn't a wedding planner.

I wish just this once they had left me out of their plans. I stopped paying attention to them and let my mind wander to the redhead. I didn't understand how we had gotten to that point, this whole day seemed to be going from bad to worse and then Leila...she was comforting me. A shiver ran through my body at the thought. But the more I reviewed the last few events of the day, the more I realized it made sense. I felt disgusted with myself for falling so easily and annoyed with her for believing she had to "help" me like that. Every minute that passed I felt my blood boil more and more, it was humiliating that that brat felt sorry for me.

"Haymitch?" Plutarch caught my attention.

"What?" I growled at him. They all looked at me a little surprised at my sullenness, but I didn't give a fucking shit what they thought.

"We just wanted to know your opinion, do you think Finnick and Annie will agree?" said Plutarch in a conciliatory tone.

"I don't know. Ask them directly."

I was finally released from this useless meeting. I was not going back to my room, I was too angry and disappointed. When a new day came and I was sure I would not meet Leila, I went back. I made it a point to have minimal contact with her and in the next few days that followed I managed to avoid her altogether. I would wander around the district at night and in the daytime I would only go to my room to sleep and then take refuge in command, where I knew she was not welcome. In this short time Plutarch's wedding plans were set in motion, I was not surprised that Finnick and Annie accepted, it was only a matter of time before that pair could finally formalize their relationship.

And so the reunion we were all waiting for happened. Peeta asked to see Katniss. Under all security measures and with a medical team ready to intervene, Katniss entered Peeta's room. The encounter was unpleasant to watch; I never expected any kindness or anything positive from Peeta, but Katniss' defensive attitude surprised me. I expected her to be more considerate and patient with the boy but the opposite happened. Both were hurt and broken in different ways, the only hope was to wait until time could repair their relationship.

Today the shrink gave the authorization for Peeta to have dinner outside his room, of course he would be guarded by two guards and would be handcuffed the whole time. I would make sure to be there with him for dinner, I was aware that I wasn't his favorite person but at least I was on his side, and more so now that I didn't know what kind of reaction Katniss would have to seeing him.

When I entered the dining hall I went straight to the table where Johanna, Finnick, Annie and Katniss were sitting. I sat next to Katniss, this way she was cornered between me and Finnick and if my plans were correct Peeta would sit next to me keeping his distance but leaving enough space between him and Katniss, in case something happened. The atmosphere in the dining room seemed quite 'festive', everyone was in a good mood today by the looks of it. I wondered how long this relative calm would last.

I started eating and noticed a different change in the food. This wasn't the typical simplistic taste of District 13 food, there was something else or someone else here, and I was sure who was responsible for this change. As if I had called out to her with my thoughts, there she was, heading towards us, accompanied by a stoic Peeta and his two guards behind. With synchronicity they both placed their trays on the table, Peeta sat next to me and Leila in between him and Johanna.

"Well this is a change isn't it?" said Johanna teasingly.

"A big change" Leila agreed with a smile. The tension could be cut with a knife, the silence around the table only made the moment more uncomfortable. Katniss continued to eat without looking up from her plate and the rest of us just mimicked her at the thoughtful amusement Johanna seemed to find in the situation.

"Peeta?" called Annie to him, the boy raised his head immediately "I heard you offered to make the cake for our wedding, we wanted to thank you, that's very kind of you".

His gaze softened for an instant "with pleasure, Annie"

"Hopefully with so many restrictions here, they'll at least give you carte blanche to bring out all your talent" Finnick joked to which Peeta ignored him and focused back on his plate. In the distance I saw Plutarch accompanied by a soldier heading towards us.

"ah, isn't this a wonderful picture? The victors table. I can't deny that if I had a camera this would be something to show the whole country."

"don't you have enough short films with all the chaos you guys caused in district two?" mocked Johanna and he just shrugged his shoulders keeping his good mood.

"I'll see you this afternoon Haymitch?" I nodded. Before they went on their way the young soldier turned to Leila.

"By the way Leila, in my squadron I heard it was your idea, this was great" he said pointing to his empty tray.

"I had no idea Leila that it was you who was responsible for this menu change" interjected Plutarch, impressed

"Unfortunately, It wasn't my idea, Duke" she looked 'sorry' "it was direct orders from President Coin" we all looked at her confused. I could bet my life she was lying "you know, since everything is going so well in the rebellion and stuff, she thought that district 13 has been so patient that it would be nice to reward them somehow, and she entrusted us cooks with something with more ...flavor?" she finished with a nervous giggle

"Of course, how forgetful I am! with so many things to prepare, how could I forget this kind gesture from the president" Plutarch backed her up in her lie. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the meaningful glances that Finnick and Johanna exchanged. What was that for?

"Duke, maybe you could tell everyone it was her idea and have them thank her?"

"Of course. Don't forget to stop by training when you have time" he winked smiling at her, a gesture that irritated me.

"thank you" Leila replied uncomfortably

"I'll see to it that the president knows too" Plutarch said and Leila gave him an annoyed look and ignored him. The duo continued their way out of the dining hall and I felt my body relax.

"Oh Peeta you have spotting here, let me clean you up" Leila said delicately wiping a napkin across Peeta's cheek. He calmly let her do it.

"How nice of you, Leila" laughed Johanna wickedly looking at Katniss' furious face.

"yes, Leila is very nice, and from what I've heard from everyone in the military she's too nice",

"I don't see anything wrong with being nice, maybe you should try it too sometimes" replied an irritated Leila pointing her head at Peeta. I was sure she knew about their meeting and knowing her, she must not have liked Katniss not being 'nice' to Peeta, even if he had been cruel to her too.

"you're right, when I want to be nice I'll ask all the soldiers to tell me all the times you've been too 'nice' to them, that will set an example for me" Leila, Finnick and I stood with our mouths open at Katniss' words. But what the hell was happening to this girl?

"what? the soldiers?" asked Johanna laughing.

"oh don't you know Johanna?" asked Katniss, feigning surprise, "Leila is very popular among our squads, just this morning they were debating to whom, the very nice Leila would say yes, with so many men beh..."

"don't you dare to..." started Leila angrily when I decided to intervene.

"Enough both of you! the stupid topic is over here!"

"Don't be a killjoy Haymitch, the conversation was finally getting interesting" complained Johanna still laughing. It took me a few moments to understand but I finally did. Katniss was being a complete idiot just because she was jealous of Leila and Peeta, which was ridiculous, between those two there was nothing more than some sort of friendship.

"Well since apparently daddy Haymitch doesn't want his girls talking about boys, maybe we can talk about something more interesting, once the marriage happens, when will it happen?" restarted the conversation Johanna

"What?" asked Finnick

"the attack on the capitol" Annie let out a gasp of distress covering her face, Finnick immediately pulled her into his arms to reassure her. The discomfort was general around the table, not the best topic to bring to the table

"We don't know yet, but soon" I answered sharply.

"you're not going to wait until winter, are you? it would be a lousy idea to fight in the middle of the snow."

"Johanna please, not now" Finnick begged her.

"What happened to snowball?" whispered Peeta. he who until now had remained impassive to everything, looked up from his plate to look directly at Leila.

"What's snowball?" asked Johanna.

"Leila's dog. What happened to him?"

"died of old age Peeta" Leila's smile didn't reach her eyes. She was lying.

"You lie," Peeta smiled cruelly. "you lie just like all of them" he glanced at all of us and the tension began to set in.

"Peeta he died, that's it, I'm not lying" Leila replied wearily.

"OF COURSE YOU'RE LYING!" Still handcuffed he managed to firmly catch one of Leila's wrists, and squeeze it with his hands. The guards quickly moved in to intervene but Leila shook her head to stop them from doing so

"Let her go Peeta, you're hurting her" I tried to reconcile by putting my hand on his shoulder but he shook it off.

"it was a lie, everything you told me is a lie, he didn't exist!" The rage was palpable in his voice and I was sure he was going to have a mental breakdown. We were all frozen in our places, despite being sure Peeta was hurting her, Leila remained stoic without showing any emotion.

"yes it did exist. Everything I've told you about me is true Peeta" Leila spoke calmly "like the yellow flowers, Snowball...you know that President Snow likes to visit his victors from time to time, you can confirm that with anyone at this table. Well on one of those visits to my house he was craving something special" she kept her gaze steady on Peeta's accusing eyes before continuing " you remember in district 8 there is no vegetation or wildlife nearby?" he nodded" well, he was craving wild dog soup and well, according to him there was only one option when faced with the impediment of finding one in my district" ugh! how horrible and twisted.

"Did you eat it too?" asked Katniss, disgusted. Leila's eyes filled with tears, Peeta finally let go of her and she rushed out of the dining hall.

"Sweetheart i think the question was superfluous"

"I didn't mean to offend her, I just... " I held up a hand for her to stop, it didn't matter anymore.

Johanna's mocking laugh interrupted us "ah! I know what's wrong with her" she laughed even more "One day that facade of smiles and rainbows is going to fall off and I hope I won't be there to witness it, I can assure you it's going to be horrible" she laughed, while she took the tray, barely eaten by Leila, for herself.

I had no idea what Johanna meant by that and as sorry as I felt for Leila, I wasn't going to go after her to comfort her, she wasn't my problem. We tried to continue the rest of the dinner in peace but it was almost impossible. Only a few minutes after Leila left, Peeta started mumbling intelligible things to himself and every few minutes he would give Katniss murderous looks, adding to that every time he would clench his fists tightly, until his knuckles turned white, we were all tense at the table, until finally Katniss couldn't resist anymore and left the table.

At midnight I gave up and decided to go to my room, I wasn't sure if I would find Leila awake. When I walked in I was surprised to see her asleep in her bed and not mine. She was curled up on herself and from what I could see, she had been crying. Even in this state she looked pretty. As I watched her, someone else came into my head, someone I had avoided thinking about for years. Cassie. A pang of guilt came over me, in a way I had betrayed her. My Cassie who was wild, brave, fearless, carefree, generous, unstoppable and graceful, everything about her was pure perfection. How different she was from Leila, yeah, she was attractive but that was all. She was fearful, needy, careful in everything she did, cowardly to those who attacked her, she was just a pretty face, she could never be like my beloved Cassie.

With this last thought I left the room again and went to wander through the corridors of district 13, I would return once Leila had left. These last days had been quite stormy for me, the prolonged abstinence was only taking its toll on me and at times I wished to return to 12 but my district no longer existed, there were only ashes. In the morning as was my new habit I went back to my room to sleep, or at least try to. Around 10 o'clock I gave up, I could not rest any more. I prepared myself for a new day. I would go straight to visit Peeta, I wanted to know the doctor's opinion regarding yesterday's incident in the dining room. As I was getting ready to leave, a knock on the door distracted me. It was Leila. I was surprised to see her at this hour here.

"Are you busy?"

"A little, I was going to go see Peeta. Shouldn't you be in the kitchens?"

"I snuck out for a little while" she said laughing "you've been so busy lately, I've hardly seen you"

"yeah" I shrugged my shoulders without explaining further.

"Come, I brought something for you" she took my hand and we sat together on the bed. She passed me a small metal container "I wanted to give you something you wanted, I hope you like it".

Confused by the fact that she again brought me a present, I really hoped it wasn't another failed cupcake attempt because I wasn't in the mood to pretend again. When I opened the container, the smell hit me hard in the heart. I felt again like the 16 year old boy entering his house defeated, to whom his mother had prepared the only meal she could afford with her meager resources. That bowl of soup she promised to make him when they saw each other again but never managed to deliver, the same bowl that made his brother grimace but kept them alive in so many moments where there was nothing else to eat.

"You think this is funny?" I mumbled holding back all the anger I felt.

"Haymitch what is h..."

"what kind of fucking game do you think you're playing!" I angrily threw the container on the floor, she immediately jumped off my side, cornering herself between the closet and the door.

"I'm not playing, I just thought..." all the anger pent up for days against her, I let it out. She had gone too far with this, trying to manipulate me like this, I wasn't going to allow her.

"no! you don't ever think, you just do whatever you want to do, you selfish little brat!"

"That's not true, let me explain, I just wanted to make you happy, I..."

"you?!"I mocked bitterly. "never someone of your ilk could make me happy but if you insist so much on making me happy and giving me what I want, well what I want is for you to disappear once and for all from my life, leave me alone!" I didn't realize that as I spoke, the closer I was getting to her and I felt a shiver of horror run through me as I watched her shrink in on herself and close her eyes. She was waiting for me to hit her. More anger I felt at her for even thinking I would be able to do something like this, she was lowering me to the same level as her abusive father and I disowned myself for my lack of control, for scaring her like this. Without another word I left the room, I needed air and to be as far away from Leila as possible.

The more minutes passed, the more guilt I felt. Everything inside me was screaming for me to go back and apologize but I couldn't, she had crossed the line. I wasn't asking her to do anything for me and yet she was. I knew I was being irrational, she didn't know what that soup meant to me, but that didn't justify her meddling in everything, no matter if her intentions were sincere or not.

I hid for the rest of the day, I didn't want to confront Leila, I knew she would end up crying until she made me feel guilty and I would end up apologizing to her, it wasn't fair. Taking some of the courage I had left, at night I decided to go back to the room, with the firm conviction of not letting myself be manipulated by her whining, to set the necessary limits with Leila and tell her that it was time for her to go to her own room. I took one last breath and went inside. To my surprise she was still not here, although it was a little late. The smell of cleaning fluid was permeating the air, of course she had cleaned up the mess I made. I waited a while for her to come through the door but she did not.

With my heart racing and a faint suspicion hovering in my mind, I went to the bathroom and saw that her things were gone. I looked in the closet and all her clothes were gone; lastly I looked at the nightstand, her book and her long unused room keys were gone. Leila was finally gone.