Leila and the little girl would soon arrive. I tried to finish the chapter of my book before the little tremor came through that door. As the days went by I had gotten to know Milly more and consequently Leila as well.
What was most striking to the eye was the difference between the sisters. On the one hand there was the roughness of the little tot compared to the softness and gentleness of her sister. I discovered this 'quality' in several ways, each one worse than the other, like when she woke me up by choking me, or when she 'tried' to be careful with objects but always ended up knocking over drawers, doors etc, or when she showed her affection by hugging me so tightly by the head until she almost suffocated me… Leila used to be just as effusive I thought, now she barely tolerated physical contact; and finally, when the first time as a greeting she ran and jumped on me until she left me breathless. From that day on, as soon as I heard the door I prepared for her 'attack'.
The second thing that went hand in hand with the first was how loud and chatty the little kid was. I had always teased Leila with how chatterboxy she was but I realized that maybe I was the problem; Leila was rather quiet, discrete and normal, Milly on the other hand would not shut up, every banal thing was a topic of conversation, even when she slept she would talk, or well babble things. I had also discovered that the girl liked to sing, she would sing a song to everything, and she sang badly, the music talent did not pass to her.
But out of all that, what impressed me most was the little girl's courage, if she didn't like something she said it loud and clear, she didn't like Leila to be picked on and if her sister was around she became hilariously sassy. I supposed it was because she felt backed up by Leila. In sessions with the psychologist she always implied that she loved her mom but Leila was her safe place. Even in these there were two things she refused to talk about, the time she spent with her mom since they left District 8 and how she died. What she did tend to talk about was the hellish living at home, it wasn't something I should be surprised about because I had heard it from Leila's mouth but just the same I was repulsed by the whole ordeal she, her mom and Milly were constantly subjected to.
"Mishhh!" Milly came slamming into the door running in, I caught her in mid-air before she managed to jump on me. Leila softly closed the door behind her and went straight to the closet.
"heyy little tremor, you had fun with Johanna!"
"yup!"
"Milly, it's time for your shower."
"I don't want to," she grumbled. Leila let out a sigh. Here we were going again with the daily discussion every night.
"obey your sister, you stink".
"you'we lying," said the little snotty child laughing.
I ruffled her hair and feigned a disgusted face "yuck how disgusting" that only made her laugh more and she rubbed her head with my arm
"now you stink too"
"Come on pumpkin" laughing at our exchange Leila handed her pajamas to the little girl. "don't forget to wash behind your ears and..."
"and the tush too" the cheeky little one replied in a condescending tone to her sister. I couldn't help but laugh. Leila huffed, rolling her eyes and sat down next to me on the bed.
"hey" I whispered, drawing her into my arms. "busy day huh?"
"every day lately. I've missed this" she kissed me much more passionately than I expected.
"Wait, the girl..." I heard the shower and Milly's off-key voice sing "well, maybe I can take advantage of a little bit" Leila laughed against my lips.
"I feel like I've been neglecting you since Milly..."
"don't even say it, this is enough for me" I scattered kisses all over her face until I made her laugh again. She lingered a few more minutes in my arms and then broke away avoiding my gaze.
"Haymitch, there's something important I want to talk to you about" all my senses became alert at her change of attitude
"tell me anything"
"it's about Katniss"
I sighed tiredly "what did she do now?"
"Nothing at the moment but I think she's not ready to go to the capitol" I looked at her intrigued. "her performance is deplorable, she's impulsive and irrational" Leila smoothed out the invisible wrinkles in her pants. Why was she so nervous? "you know Grace and Prim are counting on you and if something were to happen to Katniss, well you know"
"it would be my responsibility" I completed her sentence. Leila looked at me guiltily before averting her gaze. I was aware of that but I didn't understand why she was trying to make me feel guilty.
"I think you should talk to Coin and cancel this mission."
"Well, I could try maybe with Finnick and Johanna it would be enough" I said, not very convinced.
"No! Neither of them have to go" she said, exasperated getting up from the bed.
"but you said Katniss isn't ready, at no point did you talk about Finnick or Johanna" I was missing Leila's point.
"and if something happens to them too it would be..." she didn't finish the sentence just looked at me imploringly. I began to get a faint idea of what she was trying to do, manipulate me. Not very skillfully unfortunately. I don't know why I started to laugh, maybe the nervousness and guilt crossing Leila's face or just that her plan wasn't going as perhaps she wanted it to.
"Come on darling, come here" I patted the bed "honestly and without any more of these gimmicks tell me what do you want to ask me?"
"that they don't go to the capitol. Haymitch it's crazy, nothing guarantees they'll get out of there alive. If only you would listen to Johanna" she snapped in frustration "it seems that two hunger games plus a stay in the capitol torture room hasn't been enough for her. I have to stop her" There was the real reason. Leila was worried about Johanna.
"You don't have to worry about them, I assure you."
"But what do you say? Are you going to make them lose the tests?" I laughed even harder at the thought of the solutions Leila had probably already thought of.
"So that's your plan if with me it doesn't work out?" she looked at me guiltily "come on Leila, would you really be able to do something like that to Johanna? after all the hard work she has put in?"
"no" she whispered,"but at least she'd be here safe, Katniss too."
"You don't have to name Katniss to prick my conscience, Johanna's safety interests me too. I am offended by your lack of trust towards me, how do you think I am going to send Katniss, Johanna and Finnick to war" I sighed "Damn it I shouldn't even have to tell you this"
"What's that?"
"you can't drop a word to anyone otherwise the so named Katniss and your beloved Johanna are going to make it very difficult for me, understand?" she nodded "yes, they are going to the Capitol but only to the outside of the city, heavily guarded by a squad and they will dedicate themselves to make propos while the assault of the capitol takes place' she gaped "in short they are just going to pretend to be in the middle of everything, as a source of motivation for those who are actually going"
"When are they going to find out?"
"hopefully at the last minute when they can't do anything about it"
"they're going to hate you and whoever approved that plan" I shrugged. I was used to that by now. She hugged me again "thank you for telling me"
"and I'll thank you for not saying anything"
"I promise. I feel guilty, you know?"
"for trying to blame me? or manipulate me?" I scoffed.
"both. But more so for Johanna, this mission is so important for her."
"for everyone" I put a lock of her hair behind her ear "maybe once it's all over she can turn the page" I said unconvincingly.
"I hope so," she whispered and then laughed. "At least now I will be able to turn a deaf ear to all the crazy things coming out of her mouth" I accompanied her laugh, bringing her lips to mine again; a sweet balm to everything wrong in this world. She tangled her hands in my hair, I pulled her even tighter against me.
"Damn! This fuwcking shiwt is too small!" spat Milly with her bare torso throwing her pajama top on the floor in front of us. I stood with my mouth open feeling a shiver run down my back. Leila for her part like a fish was opening and closing her mouth not knowing what to say.
"Where did you learn to say those words from?" Leila gave me an angry look.
"No one "mumbled Milly guiltily, trying not to accuse me but her eyes for a microsecond rested on me. Leila annoyedly got up from the bed and went back to the closet.
"I plead guilty but you have to admit she has a very good memory" I poorly defended myself.
"Yeah, that's twue," said Milly, agreeing with me. Leila turned to look at us with a weird expression. I didn't know if she was irritated, still very upset or trying not to laugh.
"That doesn't mean it's right, Milly. It's horrible and inappropriate to talk like that."
"But I'm tiwed of wearing those ugly old clothes. Why can't I have dwesses wike before? I don't wike to weaw small clothes wike you" Milly grumbled.
"I don't either" Leila muttered "here, I'll give you one of my blouses, tomorrow I'll try to ask for bigger clothes for you".
"What if we ask Mr. Cane? He always gave me nice dwesses or Prwesident Snow?"
"no" Leila said flatly "I'll go take my shower" With a slam of the door Leila shut it.
"Is she mad at me?"
"Come Milly," she approached with Leila's blouse in her hands. "Put your arms up" I helped her put the blouse on "She's not mad at you, but it hurts her when you say those things."
"About Mr. Cane?"
"and about Snow" I added 'have you seen that horrible scar Leila has on her leg?' she nodded "Leila almost bled to death from that wound, and it's all Snow's fault. He's not a good person Milly. I know Bob told you that but do you remember he was mean to your sister and your mom?" She looked at me with tears in her eyes "well Snow also used to be just as mean to Leila and that guy you call Mr. Cane, he only gave you gifts in exchange for hurting her."
"I won't want anyone to huwt Leila."
"I know, me neither" I brushed away a tear that rolled down her cheek "I know it's all confusing for you, Milly. Leila won't tell you so as not to hurt you but not all people in the capitol were good, many enjoyed the pain they caused to others. Peeta for example"
"He lost a leg," she whispered.
"he didn't lose it, in those horrible games they hurt him. The games were real Milly. Children were forced to do horrible things to survive and it all amused Snow, do you understand?" she nodded, biting her lip.
"I'm a bad pewson too?"
"no, you're just a child, naive I'd say" We turned as Leila came out of the bathroom. Milly ran straight to her.
"I won't want the dwesses, I won't want anyone to huwt you" whimpered the little girl hugging her sister.
"No one is going to" Leila consoled her looking at me confused "tomorrow I'll try to find you clothes in your size".
"no, I won't want to" Maybe I had scared her without meaning to.
"It's okay, Milly. Nothing will happen here if Leila asks for a change of clothes."
"no, it'll be just as ugly anyway" Leila took her in her arms and sat down on her bed
"It's just for a while, Milly. When it's safe and we get out of here I promise you'll have a nice dress." Leila reassured the little girl.
"not fwom him" refuted the girl.
"Whose?"
"Cane's or Snow's"
"nah, it's Leila who will make your dress" I said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.
"weally?"
"don't you always say your sister can do everything?"
"Haymitch," Leila complained, half laughing and half horrified.
"Wed, Leila you'll make it wed for me."
"yeah well first I'll have to learn how to sew and I don't know what else."
"It's ok, you can do it, I believe in you" said the girl. Leila rolled her eyes laughing
"Thanks for the encouragement. Come on, it's time to sleep before you think of something else."
Leila busied herself reading aloud from one of her books until the little one fell asleep and then went back to lie down next to me. "Haymitch?""
"I know I know, but I didn't say anything to terrify her, I just wanted her to understand that everything Bob has told her is a lie"
"no, it's okay and I appreciate it. There are things I don't know how to tell her on my own."
"Then what did you want to tell me?"
"that you can't keep using that foul language in front of Milly" or maybe the little brat shouldn't repeat what the adults were saying, I wanted to defend myself.
"Okay, I'll watch my mouth" I huffed.
"Haymitch! There you are!" Johanna said, irritated. I had spent most of the day in command, only with the exception of going to pick up Milly, taking her to the shrink and then handing her over to her sister again, it was the only break I got from today's long session.
"aren't you supposed to be with Leila and the child?" I replied in the same irritated tone but seeing her expression I knew something wasn't right "has something happened with Leila" I stated.
"No, with Milly" I imagined the worst possible scenarios and the most plausible one was that Bob or Tom had been released. I started to walk without knowing where to go 'listen to me before you go off like a madman'.
"Where are they? What happened?
"Leila took the little girl to her room" Johanna exhaled "everything was fine we were at dinner, when some idiot dropped I don't know what, I just know it echoed in the dining hall, to make a long story short, the little girl panicked screaming that they were bombs and hid under the table screaming and crying inconsolably" Damnit "There was no consolation to calm her down, Leila had to force her under the table and well she went straight to your room".
"Fuck!" I ran a hand through my hair 'I'm going straight to see them" she nodded.
"Tell me if anything happens" I nodded starting on my way. I suddenly remembered Beete. In my last few lunches with him I had asked him to get me some information or rather a picture from the Capitol files, I quickly detoured and went straight to his headquarters.
"Beetee!" I burst in, apparently it was usual for him as he didn't startle "I wanted to know if you found..."
"Here you have it. It was the best I could find, there wasn't much material to choose from" I took the photo from his hands. The woman looking through the photo was not what I expected, she was a young woman maybe 16 not more than 20 years old, with a quiet smile, big green eyes with a melancholic look "I found her in the records of 30 years ago orphanage district 8, Jane Duberville 15 years old".
"Thanks Beetee, I owe you one."
"no, it didn't cost me anything so it wasn't a favor, just a slight cyber challenge" was he joking? I just smiled not knowing if he was or not.
With the photo in my hand I wanted to go straight to Leila but I didn't know if it would be enough, maybe I could look for something else for Milly but I didn't know what? In this district nothing belongs to us and getting things that in the little girl's opinion could be beautiful was an impossible mission.
Maybe I could borrow a new book. Every night Leila read to her sister, although they were always romantic stories that she liked, maybe I could find something the kid would like.
With an old book of animal pictures in my hand and the picture inside it I finally headed straight for the compartment.
When I entered the room the scene was heartbreaking. Leila and Milly were sitting on our bed, she was brushing the still damp hair of a crestfallen Milly. Leila barely looked up and greeted me with a languid 'hey'. Sadness marred her face.
"I heard what happened at dinner" Milly's teary eyes barely lifted with trembling lips "t's okay to be scared Milly" I caressed her cheek.
"I peewd my pants and evewyone saw it" she said in a small strangled voice.
"Shh baby it's nothing"
"Leila is right, that has happened to all of us" but the little girl denied "what happened to you is nothing to be ashamed of, no one laughed Milly, it's not funny to be afraid, and those of us who care about you understand"
"Bombs scawe me. I don't want thewe to be bombs any mowe" she sobbed
"there will never be any more, I pro"
"No, Leila" I cut her off, she couldn't lie to her and assure her of something that neither of us had power over "I know you're scared but it can happen. Bad things can happen at any time, however your sister and I will do anything to protect you. Do you know that?"
"I couldn't pwotect mommy" more tears slipped from her cheeks. Behind Milly I saw Leila turn pale.
"It's not your fault kiddo."
"Yes. Mommy pushed me and the big block fell and I twied to pick it up but I couldn't and then I didn't heaw mommy's voice anymowe and the bombs wouldn't stop falling" she cried. Leila stood static staring at a fixed point, I took the kid from her lap and hugged her.
"I need to go to the bathroom," Leila mumbled, barely holding back tears. I didn't stop her, I knew she needed to vent.
"Leila is mad at me, isn't she? she's always mad at mommy."
"No, sweetheart. Quite the opposite" she shook her head, still sobbing.
"I miss my mommy vewy much but I won't want Leila to be mad at me too."
"Leila is not going to be mad because you miss your mommy, Milly. I know the two of them had a complicated relationship but that doesn't mean Leila didn't love her too. Who else is mad at you?"
"Mommy, when we wewe in the middle of the woods she got mad at me." she paused for a moment "I was really hungwy and thiwsty and mommy didn't have her special dwink anymowe and I told her I wanted to go home and wait fow Leila, she stawted yelling howwible things and then she left."
"Where did she go?"
"I won't know, but it got dawk twice befowe mom came back to get me. I didn't misbehave again" I sighed in frustration, on one hand angry that she had dared to leave a child alone for days in the middle of nowhere some animal could have killed her and on the other I understood how horrible that journey must have been for Leila's mom, a child in her care plus the effects of withdrawal were not a good combination.
"Listen to me, you don't have to feel guilty about anything, not with Leila and not with your mom. She was probably just as scared if not more scared than you were to be there and whatever she said or did, she didn't mean it she was just frustrated and that didn't mean she loved you any less. As for Leila, she also feels guilty that she couldn't protect you and mom."
"Whewe's you mommy?" I was taken by surprise by her question.
" she died many years ago" I whispered "I was not able to protect her either"
"Do you miss hew too?"
"every day" I remembered those words dad said to me when grandma died "but even though I can't see her she's with me, always watching over me"
"Do you think my mommy does too?" she looked at me hopefully.
"I don't have the slightest doubt"
"How do you know?" she sniffled.
"because you can see it or feel it. When the cold winter comes and you feel that ray of sunshine warm you she is there, or in the spring when those flowers you love bloom, she is everywhere you just have to be attentive" with those words dad got me to stop crying to grandma and feel some comfort, by Milly's still tearful smile I guessed he had achieved the same effect on her. "I have something for you" I took the picture out of the book and handed it to her. She took it in her little hands kissing the picture and whispering an 'I love you so much, mommy' "I also brought this book, I thought you would be tired of seeing only letters by now" we settled better on the bed to look at the book. Several more minutes passed until Leila came out of the bathroom, eyes red from crying. She climbed onto the bed and settled on the other side of Milly.
"I'm sorry Milly I should have been there, with you and mom."
"won't crwy" Milly wiped a tear from Leila's eyes "I won't wike to see you crwy, you'we always sad. Look" she showed her the picture
"She was very beautiful"
"just wike you"
"no, you look much more like her, the eyes, nose, her hair," Leila smiled.
"no, mommy had beautiful haiw, I have poop haiw".
"poop hair?" I try not to laugh.
"That's what Tom said. That my haiw colow was like shi...poop" She corrected herself before Leila could reproach her.
"I disagree it reminds me more of like melted chocolate and everyone likes chocolate."
"yeah I guess" she shrugged suppressing a contented smile at the compliment. "Look, I also have this book. There awe animals, have you seen this one" she pointed to a large grey animal
"no never" We stood looking at the book until Milly fell into a deep sleep. Still in her hands she held the picture of her mom and Bunny. "I wish I had been less hard on her."
"I don't think she would hold it against you, the circumstances of the two of you weren't the easiest."
"I know, I just wish I could have had a chance to thank her for saving Milly or even had a chance to get her out of that hell."
"I know. But if it's any consolation, wherever she is, if there is another life, she should be at peace knowing that neither you nor Milly are in any danger now and I think that's what she wanted most." Without moving abruptly so as not to wake Milly who was sleeping on my chest I drew Leila to me, she snuggled in and hugged us both.
"I love you Haymitch. Thank you for what you did for Milly"
"You don't have to" I said embarrassed.
A test to prove your weaknesses' they called it, I called it a dirty and vile game. The poor child had to be taken out of the place under sedation. What kind of ruse would they use against Katniss? Why did they do this to Johanna?
"Haymitch!" Leila's distressed voice called out to me '"is it true what I heard?" I nodded "where is he?"
"in the room" I pointed with my head '"heavily drugged, Finnick is accompanying her" Leila didn't ask me anything else and went straight into the room, I stood at the door watching in silence.
"What did they do to you, Johanna?" Leila gasped.
"they tortured her in the capitol with water and electroshock and" said Finnick in a choked voice.
"I know that but how is it possible that this happened? no one was supposed to know?"
"You knew?" I asked, she nodded.
"I didn't tell anyone, I wouldn't betray her..." a nurse pushed me to enter the room, behind her an agitated Chase was coming along with Boggs, Aurelius and Renia, a subordinate of Coin.
"I need to check her vitals," said the nurse.
"How is she?" asked Chase
"perfect don't you see" replied Finnick angrily.
"I thought the secret between patient and doctor was unbreakable," Leila added, looking straight at the doctor.
"Any explanation doc?" I snapped angrily
"And so it is Leila. I understand the anger you may be feeling but these types of tests were not my knowledge and certainly did not have my approval" Aurelius replied with a hint of irritation avoiding looking at the military men accompanying him.
"So who was the one with the idea? Boggs? Plutarch? or Coin herself?" I felt a shiver run down my spine.
"Miss Brighlock I advise you to watch your words very carefully, making that kind of accusation is high treason!"
"That's not what she meant "Finnick interjected more calmly. Both he and I felt the alarms go off as soon as Leila spoke. "You must understand that this is not the best place or time to talk. We are worried about Johanna."
"That's why I'm here, President Coin was very worried."
"hmp!" scoffed Leila.
" all soldiers have passed this kind of test" said Boggs without showing any emotion.
"it is necessary to test the weaknesses and deficiencies of each one to know if they are suitable for the missions they are going to carry out" added Chase seconding his boss.
"Do you really think so, Chase? Look at her! the day will come when you will also be a hindrance and they will also test your 'weakness', if you are no good better get you out of the way" Renia looked at her in anger and Chase with his mouth open.
"Leila enough!" I said. Her feelings were clouding her judgment, that was her biggest problem, too passionate without thinking of the consequences of her words.
"I think soldier Odair is right, this is not the place or time to talk. When she wakes up I will see soldier Mason again" Before leaving Boggs gave me a meaningful look. i waited until everyone was gone before I spoke
"Leila..."
"I know, I know," she cut me off.
"You don't seem to know. Control yourself, you can't be throwing accusations" I said angrily.
"But what they did..."
"It's unfair, I agree with you, but you're not thinking with your brain" Finnick seconded me "they don't matter right now, only Johanna"
"come with me, leave them alone"
I walked with Leila without a clear direction, I just wanted her to breathe and calm down or maybe it was me who needed to calm down. There was no logic to today's test, why torture Johanna if they were only going to film some propos, why did they do that?
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad."
"I know, I'm mad about Johanna too but I can't go against them, do you understand?"
"Are you afraid of them?"
"no, but I don't trust them either," I admitted.
"What are we going to do?"
"nothing. Just watch for the moment."
"don't let Katniss out of your sight" I laughed unfunnily.
"I know, I have to watch her and hope she follows the guidelines" I ran my hand over my face, getting Katniss to obey was harder to do than with Leila.
"It's a good thing Finnick will be there for her, he always knows how to perform" Leila tried to cheer me up.
"Yeah I guess" Leila wrinkled her brow and looked at me guiltily.
"Do you think I could spend tonight with Johanna? Finnick will probably go with Annie, Milly can also come"
"no, stay with Johanna, I'll take care of little tremor, it's not a good idea for her to see Johanna in this state, it will only scare her"
"it doesn't bother you?" I denied "I'll come early to take her to school and"
"I'll handle it, Leila, give me some credit. Besides, Johanna needs the company now more than ever."
"thanks" she hugged me "I'll go get Milly to warn her"
"I'll wait for you at the shrink's office."
The night alone with the kid was going better than I expected. Maybe she was a little calmer than usual but at least she hadn't thrown me any tantrums and I was thankful for that.
"Ready for bed?" I asked when the girl came out of the bathroom, she shook her head.
"Hewe" she handed me her brush "you have to untangle it like Leila."
"why can't you do it yourself?"
"Do you weally want to stawt this awgument?" she breathed tiredly talking to me like I was a child.
"Come on, turn around" I growled. I brushed her hair as gently as I could until I left it without a single knot. "I'm done."
"No, Leila takes longew".
"but I'm faster" she turned to look at me with a pout. "Okay" I groaned. Sometimes it was better to just give up.
"Do you think Jo is going to be bettew tomowwow?" the little one whispered.
"I think she's going to need a little more time."
"Leila gonna be sick too?"
"No. Your sister is strong, she's not going to get sick" As long as I could protect Leila she was going to be fine. "I'm done brushing your hair this time, now go to sleep."
"Can I sleep with you?"
"don't you want your bed?" she shook her head "I remind you that I snore"
"I wake you up if you awe noisy"
"how nice of you" I rolled my eyes, went to her bed and took Bunny, 'here, now no excuses to sleep' I took my book, and waited for the kid to settle next to me but I felt her eyes fixed on me through the book.
"I love you so much, Mish" I stared blankly. But what was she saying?why would she love me? Maybe Leila's absence had her more upset than she looked. Milly snatched the book away from me looking at me angrily "hey! I told you I love you, it's wude not to say it back!"
" fine! I love you too! happy?!" She looked at me with a pursed lip.
"Leila too?"
"yes to her too"
"Bunny?"
"also bunny" I huffed "can I continue reading my book?"
"you'we vewy gwumpy you know?" hmph. She laid her head on my belly "if you want you can pet me wike Leila does" if only I could have peace for a few minutes!
I woke up with my heart ringing in my ears, still cold sweat soaked my forehead, I looked beside me for Leila but there was only Milly. She is with Johanna, I remember. At least my nightmare hasn't woken the child, I wouldn't want to scare her. When I turn to look at the clock I realize it's only 9. FUCK IT'S 9!
While I didn't want to wake the girl up with a fright this time I didn't have much of a choice.
"Come on Milly get up! you're already too late for school" she opened her eyes in confusion yawning. I ran to the closet pulling out clothes for me and throwing her clothes at her "come on, get dressed".
"What time is it?"
"9:05" she opened her mouth in a perfect O
"you feww asleep" she accused me "now I'm gonna be late"
"and if you don't get off your butt you'll be even later" I reproached her. She 'quickly' started to change her clothes and I did the same "Heymish hewp!" she was bouncing around with her head and one arm trapped in her shirt.
Once dressed and 'fixed' I picked her up in my arms and ran down the halls of 13 in the direction of her classroom.
"I'm hungwy, let's get some bweakfast fiwst."
"I am sorry for you sweetheart, but you'll have to wait for lunch."
"oww" I heard her grumble. I only slowed my pace when in the opposite direction came Leila. DAMN!
"the alarm didn't work" I defended myself.
"that's what I assumed. It's okay. Come Milly, here" Leila gave her an apple with bread and while the little one ate, she fixed the mess I had made with her sister's hair and arranged her clothes better. "Stop that anxious look Haymitch, it's late anyway, so for a few more minutes nothing is going to happen."
"I know but I'm sorry anyway" she looked at me, smiling humorously.
"anyway you're the one who's going to explain why she was late, and if Aurelius asks I had nothing to do with it"
"yes ma'am" I replied obediently. She smiled again and kissed her sister's cheek and a quick kiss on my lips.
"have a nice day both of you"
"Are you going to rest?"
"no, I'll go to the kitchens and then back to Johanna," her smile faltered.
"She is feeling bewwer? Can I see her aftew school?"
"no pumpkin not yet"
I didn't need to ask about her condition, they had torn her to pieces again. For the moment 'just watch and be attentive' I reminded myself, none of this felt right.