Chapter 9

"Did he not spend enough time with you over the last couple of weeks?" I exclaimed as the man continued to pound persistently at our door.

My eyes stared intently at Harvey, he stood there, fidgeting, and there was something about his demeanor in that moment that set me on edge. This night was not playing out anywhere near the way I'd planned. I thought I could have a moment with Harvey where he was mine. I had wanted him all to myself and yet, I just couldn't seem to have that. Knock after knocking kept sounding at the door, but I didn't move to answer it. Harvey didn't take a step towards the door either. He didn't even take a step towards me. Instead, he stood there amidst chaos just staring at his shoes and refusing to even look her in the eye. Something more was happening here, but she had no idea what it was. It stayed that way for a long time and at that moment, all I wanted was for him to say something. For him to open the door and tell Jim fucking Gordan to go away, but none of that happened. Harvey just kept staring at the ground as if waiting for his partner to just go away even as with every knock at the door it was clear he wasn't going to. And through it all neither of us said a word. There was this silence that existed separately from the knocking that set something in me off.

"For god's sake, Harvey, answer the door" I exclaimed, eyeing him as he finally looked at me.

Still that silence remained. I kept wanting him to say something. To reassure me that everything was all right, he wouldn't even look at me. He just moved to open the door with his head always down until he finally opened the door. At first, it was open just a crack, but Jim Gordan was suddenly bursting into the apartment. I was already annoyed, but something about that moment made the fireworks in my head go off. It wasn't just that this guy thought he had the right to just burst in here, it was the way his sudden appearance had affected Harvey, and all of it just felt wrong. Everything that I thought I knew seemed ready to flip over on its axis and I didn't like it. I was supposed to be getting my world back tonight, but everything felt permanently changed. I especially hated the Harvey I saw at that moment.

"Harvey, what the hell is happening?" I exclaimed watching as he did nothing to stop this man from forcing his way into our home.

I didn't know it, but everything was about to change. Harvey, me, our relationship. There would be a change in the way I looked at him, in the way I understood Gotham city, but Jim Gordan opened my eyes.

"Did you know? Were you helping them set it all up?" screamed Gordan immediately getting into Harvey's face and pushing him up against the wall.

As it was all happening, no one was paying me any attention. He didn't even care that I was there as he screamed at Harvey over and over. His voice kept getting louder and I could only stand there, not sure exactly what was happening.

"Did you know Mario Pepper was innocent? Were you a part of the plan to frame him?" screamed Gordan, he was in Harvey's face still, and before I knew it, I was getting in-between them.

"I don't care who you are, you can't come in here and push him around and act like this. This is my apartment and I want you to leave right now" I screamed, I didn't even realize I was screaming as I pushed at his chest getting him away from Harvey; I didn't realize I was still hitting him until Harvey held me tightly by the shoulders.

"Stop, baby, stop. Listen, he hears you, I hear you, the whole damn world hears you. Everything is okay, but you got to calm down" said Harvey, his voice sounding impossibly loud as he held me around the waist, so I couldn't hit Gordan anymore.

Yet even as I was taking a deep breath to calm down, Jim Gordan wasn't done upsetting our evening. He looked weary at first, then he seemed to laugh, but it wasn't a laugh. It was mocking and something about it only made him want to hit him again.

"How much does she know, Harvey? Did you tell her that you framed an innocent man? That you killed him. Is that what you two are here celebrating?" exclaimed Gordan suddenly looking at me as if I were another criminal living in Gotham under the guise of being a decent person.

I wanted to slap that look right off his face and Harvey knew it too. He suddenly held me tighter as if he could sense the emotions rolling out of him. If he had let me go at that moment, I would have started hitting Jim Gordan all over again.

"Don't look at me like I'm bad. I don't know what you're talking about, but Harvey wouldn't do anything wrong. He protects this city" I exclaimed seeing as that look in his eyes didn't change.

I couldn't stand the way he continued to look at me at that moment. I had never felt dirty or sullied while living in Gotham. I had always assured myself that I was clean, that this city hadn't changed the goodness inside me, but for the first time in that moment, I felt dirty. It all made me, so mad. Especially because he was accusing Harvey of these things. My Harvey, who worked hours and hours to protect this city, and who sacrificed his time with me to be out there catching the evil in this city. He was accusing us of being evil, of being bad, and I can honestly say I had never felt so insulted before. Jim Gordan was saying Harvey was a dirty cop. He was painting him to be an evil dark figure when the man I knew was my knight in shining armor. I had never felt safer in this city than when I was with him. I knew him to be my hero. He was a force for good and as I stood there, I was waiting for Harvey to defend himself, but there was only dead silence.

"You leave my girl out of this, partner, this is between you and me" whispered Harvey finally.

There was something in his voice as he said those words. There was a tone there that was laced with guilt and sorrow. The sound of it almost chilled me and made me look at him trying to find the man I knew in the face I was looking at.

"Harvey, what is he talking about? What is all this?" I whispered finally my eyes training on him as I struggled to understand anything now, for it was like he was admitting his guilt.

He didn't answer me though. He wouldn't even look at me as he gently released his hold on me. Suddenly I was no longer in his arms, but cold and alone as Gordan and himself seemed to face one another.

"Harvey, where are you going?" I said it, but he never answered me, he only left the apartment with Gordan, and even as the door closed behind him, I couldn't move in the aftermath of it all.

There had been only one emotion on Harvey's face. Only shame, but what did he have to be ashamed for.

When I finally moved, I found an empty chair at the table, but I could barely register it. I sat there as the food I'd lovingly prepared grew cold around me and I had no answers for the way the night had ended. There was only silence and the memory of Jim Gordan bursting into my apartment. I realized after a moment that I was waiting on Harvey. That part of me still expected him to come back right away, to explain all of this, but he didn't reappear as quickly as I expected. I had no idea if I should even expect him to come back. He might not be back for weeks again, but I waited on him anyway. I needed answers. I had to know how this night had turned to shit so quickly, to know why his partner had looked at me with such distain. I had to know the truth no matter what it was. If he would tell me the truth about everything Jim Gordan said. I kept wanting to defend him.

"Is Harvey as bad as the rest of the people in this city?" I asked myself this with a heavy heart, finding I couldn't accept anything, but a negative answer.

I was still thinking about it when Harvey came back.

"Lil?" whispered Harvey, I was sitting in the dark, everything was just as he'd left it including me, and I couldn't even move when I heard him say my name.

When he came through the door, I could barely see his face in the darkness, but as we looked at one another, we both knew it wasn't going to go back to the way it was.

"Harvey, what happened tonight? Why was your partner accusing you of murder? I thought you were good, but now, I don't know. I don't know what is happening" I exclaimed I heard as my voice got louder with every word.

I felt unhinged, out of control, and I couldn't stop shaking. My hands were moving around as I talked, and I was going on and on and I knew it. I just couldn't stop. I just didn't know what was happening. And then I looked at him. I couldn't stop looking at him, but he couldn't look back at me.

"Lil, I don't want you to be part of this. You don't need to worry about any of it, Jim, he just gets a little uppity, but it's nothing. Nothing for you to worry about or be a part of" whispered Harvey, all while his eyes still wouldn't meet mine.

There was something he wasn't saying, there was a reason he wouldn't look at me, and suddenly I just knew he was guilty. I stared at him, and I knew it and when he finally looked up at me, he knew I knew. There was sadness in his eyes as he realized that I knew the truth of him.

The part of me that loved him saw the stress he was under. I saw how tired this whole night had made him, I heard the stress in the way he breathed, and the way he spoke. There was a strain in him that I had hoped would go away tonight, but I couldn't turn back time. I knew what I knew. I couldn't unknow it, so I couldn't go back, and pretend I didn't. There was no going back to the way we were before. The truth as I knew it was that I loved this man. At least, I loved the man I thought I knew, but I didn't know if this changed that. I was afraid that it would, but I pressed on anyway. If I really loved Harvey, I needed to know the truth, and the truth had to be spoken tonight whether either of us liked it or not. To know the man I was living with, the man I loved, and slept next to every night; who was he, did I even really know?

"I thought you got the guy who killed the Wayne's…but Jim made it seem like you framed an innocent man. Is that what you did, Harvey?" I said, I could hear my voice getting louder until Harvey was sitting next to me.

At first, I could tell he was just trying to calm me down. His hands reached for me, taking my hands then my face in his hands, but I was so shaken. I didn't understand any of it, but I was determined that I would in the end. Nothing Harvey did seemed to stop the words or the shaking of my body as they spewed forth from my mouth.

"It's more complicated than you need to know, baby" said Harvey, but the words didn't have the effect he wanted.

I had wanted him to deny it all. To say that it wasn't true and that he was a good man, but he never tried to say that. He just kept saying it was complicated and that wasn't good enough. Suddenly, I found I didn't want him touching me, and I found myself pulling harshly away from him. Because I couldn't deny the obvious. Harvey was just placating me, trying to get me to deny what was right in front of me. He was guilty. He'd framed a man, killed a man, and now he was trying to cover it up even by just lying to me now.

"You did it, didn't you, Harvey? You didn't find the killer; you didn't care to. You killed and framed an innocent man" I exclaimed, I didn't realize I was crying until the first tear fell from my cheek.

"Lillian for gods sake, keep your voice down, and listen. I did what I had to do, what is required when you police a town like Gotham. You think its all knights in shining armor and shiny badges, but its not. Its shit and blood and sometimes the wrong guys go down or die or anything can happen. I did what I had to" screamed Harvey, he had never screamed at me before, we had never screamed at each other, but this moment, it felt like the whole apartment was shaking with the force of it.

Suddenly everything on the table seemed to hit the floor as he stood up. As Harvey paced the floor, a rage in him that shocked me, but I didn't look away. I continued to watch him, my tears still falling, and I didn't know where we could go from here.

In that moment, all I could do was stand there, and stare at him. I never expected him to admit it. He tried to take my hand, to pull me close, and I knew he was going to try to explain. I didn't want any explanation though. I didn't even know who he was anymore.

"Get out" I whispered, I didn't point at the door or move at all.

I just said the words and Harvey looked at me. Our eyes met, I could tell he knew I was serious even as I didn't know if I was, but he left anyway.