7th February 1973
Lily Evans refused to let them see her flinch.
The Slytherins had been relentless lately—nothing outright, nothing she could report, just a constant undercurrent of whispered remarks and sneering glances. She acted as though it didn't bother her, kept her chin high, her wand steady, her expressions neutral. She was a Gryffindor, after all. She could take it.
But sometimes, like today, she felt the weight of it more than usual.
The morning sun barely warmed the greenhouse, but Lily was too distracted to notice as she slipped on her dragon-hide gloves. Professor Sprout had paired her with Severus and Avery for today's Herbology lesson, and from the moment they started working, Avery had been at it.
"Careful, Evans," he said as she reached for a Venomous Tentacula stem. "Wouldn't want your Muggle hands tainting it. Might lose all its magical properties."
Lily's jaw clenched. "Fascinating. And here I thought I had the same magic as you, Avery. Guess that explains why I keep outperforming you in every class."
Severus snorted, but when Lily glanced at him, he quickly buried his amusement behind a blank expression. He didn't defend her. He didn't tell Avery to shut up. He just carried on trimming the plant.
"Touchy," Avery drawled. "No need to get upset. It's just words."
Lily didn't reply. She focused on her task, ignoring the heat creeping up her neck. Just words. That's what people always said. Just words.
Later, as they cleaned up, she turned to Severus. "Are you ever going to tell them to stop?"
He sighed. "Lily—"
"No, really. Because I keep waiting. And every time, you just sit there and pretend it's nothing."
Severus lowered his voice. "They're just words. Don't take it so seriously."
Something inside her cracked. It was small, almost imperceptible, but she felt it—like a hairline fracture forming in glass. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. What was the point? He'd never understand.
"Right," she muttered, turning away before he could see the disappointment in her face.
The rest of the day passed in a blur, but Lily wasn't really with it. She smiled where she was supposed to and answered questions in class. But underneath it all, there was a hollow feeling that wouldn't leave her alone.
By the time dinner rolled around, she barely touched her food. She wasn't hungry. She wasn't even sure what she was anymore.
"Alright, what's going on?"
She blinked up at Remus, who had settled into the seat across from her. His brown eyes were steady in that way of his that always made it feel like he knew more than he let on.
"Nothing," she said automatically.
He raised an eyebrow. "Right. And I'm in love with Sirius."
Lily exhaled a short laugh despite herself, but it faded quickly. She toyed with her fork, staring down at her plate. "It's stupid."
Remus shrugged. "Tell me anyway."
She hesitated, then, before she could stop herself, it all spilled out. "I feel like I don't belong anywhere. Not really. I mean, I thought I did, but... I don't. The Slytherins—my best friend—look at me like I'm some kind of fraud, like I'll never be good enough for their world. And in Gryffindor, I feel like I'm constantly being tested. Like my place here depends on me turning my back on Severus. Like I'm supposed to choose a side, and no matter what I pick, I lose."
She took a shaky breath, gripping her fork tighter. "But it's not just that. It's... bigger. I feel like I'm too Muggle for the wizarding world and too wizard for the Muggle world. At home, my parents don't understand half the things I talk about anymore. My sister barely speaks to me. And here, I walk around with a target on my back just because of where I was born. No matter where I go, I feel like I don't quite fit. Like I'm always standing just outside of where I'm supposed to be."
Remus was quiet for a long moment before he spoke. "You are only free when you realise you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all" He gave her a small, knowing smile.
She met his gaze, and for the first time all day, the tightness in her chest loosened just a little.
"Maya Angelou," she murmured.
He smiled.
...
Lily and Severus sat under the beech tree by the Black Lake, their usual spot, Transfiguration books open but mostly ignored. The spring breeze ruffled Lily's hair as she twirled a blade of grass between her fingers.
"You know," she mused, "if I had a Knut for every time Slughorn called me 'his brightest student,' I'd probably be richer than the Malfoys."
Severus smirked. "Oh, well, forgive me, Your Highness. I had no idea I was in the presence of such academic royalty. Should I bow?"
Lily grinned. "I wouldn't hate it."
Severus made a dramatic show of attempting to bow from his seated position, nearly losing his balance in the process. Lily laughed, nudging his shoulder. "Careful, Sev. You wouldn't want to fall and ruin your perfectly disheveled dark wizard aesthetic."
"Dark wizard aesthetic?" he scoffed, flicking his hair out of his eyes. "I'll have you know, Evans, this takes no effort whatsoever."
"That's the problem," she teased. "Put in a little effort, and maybe you wouldn't look like you've been hexed by a particularly aggressive gust of wind."
Severus rolled his eyes but couldn't hide his small smile. "And what about you? Still wasting your time in Gryffindor with all those half-brained idiots?"
Lily raised an eyebrow. "I like my house, thank you very much. Unlike some people, I don't feel the need to declare my superiority every five minutes."
"Oh, I don't declare it," he said smugly. "It's just understood."
Lily scoffed, shaking her head. "Honestly, how do you even fit your ego in this space? I'm surprised it hasn't taken over the entire tree."
Severus smirked. "Magic."
She groaned. "You are the worst."
"And yet, you're still here."
She didn't have a response to that, so she just threw a crumpled leaf at him, which he lazily batted away with his wand.
For a while, they just sat there, comfortable in their familiar rhythm, teasing and bickering as if nothing else mattered. As if the lines between them weren't already starting to form.
Then Severus' tone shifted, just slightly. "You've been spending a lot of time with Lupin."
Lily blinked, caught off guard. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," Severus said quickly, but there was a sharp edge to his voice. "Just an observation."
Lily tilted her head, studying him. "Sev, if you have something to say, just say it."
Severus exhaled, picking at a loose thread on his sleeve. "It's just—he's one of them, Lily. Potter's little gang. And you're acting like they're suddenly your best mates."
She frowned. "Remus isn't like James or Sirius. He's—"
"Oh, so now it's just Remus?" Severus interrupted, voice tight. "Since when did you two get so close?"
Lily sighed, shifting so she could face him properly. "Sev, he's my friend. And so are you. That doesn't have to mean anything."
"Doesn't it?" he muttered. "You don't see it, do you? They're pulling you away from me. Slowly, bit by bit. You used to trust me."
Lily folded her arms. "I do trust you. But why does me having other friends always feel like some kind of betrayal to you?"
Severus' jaw tightened. "Because they don't want you to be friends with me. You know it. I know it. And you're letting them win."
Lily stared at him, frustration bubbling in her chest. "I'm not some prize in a tug-of-war, Sev! I'm allowed to be friends with whoever I want. And maybe if you spent less time worrying about what they think, you'd see that you're the one pushing me away."
Severus opened his mouth to retort, but for once, he didn't seem to have an answer. He just looked at her, something unreadable flickering in his dark eyes.
Lily sighed, shaking her head. "I have to go. I'll see you later, Sev."
This time, she walked away first.