Over the next three weeks, I conducted a number of experiments on my new powers, including how fast I could summon pages and books alike - instantaneously, how easy it was to send messages now - birds appeared fully formed with the message already known, and how simple it was to create new stories. The last was twofold. Not only could I think my thoughts into a fully formed book - literally - but if I was near a mortal and had a singular thought about another immortal - including myself - they seemed to believe immediately. Manny wasn't kidding. Meanwhile, I had set my adult believers on spreading tales of immortals that were beginning to become obscure as a backup.
Now that I had a grasp on my abilities I was ready to meet Pandora. The usual entrance to Pitch's lair was still closed off so I'd asked the winds to help me find an alternate route which had been much more difficult to access anyway. A few seconds after stepping inside I felt eyes on me.
"Why are you here?!" When I turned to face him he had his teeth bared at me. "I told you to stay away!"
"I'm not scared of Pandora." He jerked away in shock. "I know more than you think." Can I tell him about Manny? Better not. "She's gonna come after me sooner than later right?" I shrugged off my bag. "Might as well keep you safe while it happens." My resigned but defiant tone didn't seem enough to convince him, however.
"Do you have a death wish?" Exasperated, he continued without giving me a moment to respond. "Because that is the only reason I can conceive that you would return." I was about to say something before he cut me off again. "What is wrong with you?"
"I-" I stopped short, mad at the way he phrased that last bit. "Excuse you. I'm here because I want to be a good friend and make sure you don't go down defending me. Knowing you, you should be jumping at this chance."
He looked disgusted as he said the next part. "You are correct. I should be prioritizing my own well-being over you." He looked like he was losing it a little. "Yet for some reason even I am unaware of, I find myself striving to protect you!" I'm sorry, what now? "Now let me do so and leave!"
I gaped like a fish for a second. In the end, I held up my hands to try and placate him. "I hate to break it to you," I stared at him hard, wanting him to understand my next sentence. "But it's literally my job to meet her now." I gestured between myself and the ceiling. "Whether I want to or not." It took him a second but I could tell he kind of got what I was hinting at. Before he said anything about it I drew my hand across my throat in the cut-it-out gesture. "So just take me to her, and get some brownie points. Capice?"
He moved to say something before he stopped, composing himself as he did. He flicked his hand at a fearling that slithered away into the shadows. "She should be here in a few moments." He said it with no emotion or sarcasm at all. He gestured towards the galley table. "Please, sit." He was ramrod straight as he strode offer himself.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm down, hearing Manny's voice in my mind as I did. "Story." I could hear his warning in his tone alone. Yeah, I get it. I slumped into a seat, dropping my bag to the floor as I did.
After a short, awkward silence Pitch cleared his throat. "Would you care to elaborate as to how meeting my boss is your job now?" He wouldn't look at me as he spoke, though he did so after.
"No, I don't think I do." I wasn't about to get Manny mad at me already. "I will tell you that no matter what happenes I'm gonna try my damndest to make sure she leaves you alone." He cocked an eyebrow at me suspiciously. "I told you, my goal in all of this has been to get you to the point where you can walk around in the sun like the rest of us." I crossed my arms, trying to steel my nerves before Pandora arrived. "Thank you, by the way." I caught his look at that. "For trying to protect me... even if it is fruitless."
He opened his mouth to say something back but stopped, eyes growing wide as an expression crossed his face that I'd never seen before on him. Fear. I turned around in my seat as I heard footsteps to see a woman walking towards us. She was dressed in an all too familiar ensemble of capris, black ballet flats, and a yellow top. Her long black hair almost merged with the mass of fearlings that swarmed behind her as her green eyes flashed with something I couldn't name. My jaw dropped. No wonder her voice was familiar. I shot a glance to Pitch to confirm my suspicions. I knew that he knew that I recognized her. As I moved to stand she put her hand on my shoulder and pushed me back into the seat.
Pitch cleared his throat. "This is Story Tale." He gestured towards me. "This is -"
"Annie." I didn't need him to tell me that she was Pandora. I swallowed, my throat having gone dry. "We've met."
"So we have." She sat down at the head of the table, a power move that hadn't passed my notice. She eyed Pitch. "I wasn't aware that the two of you were acquainted."
Pitch bowed his head. "This is who I've spoken with you about." His voice was carefully bland. He's so quiet.
Annie turned to me. "I think we need to have a chat."
"I think so to." I couldn't help the venom that had crept into my voice then. It was her fault everyone was missing - and she'd had the audacity to lie to my face about it! I ground my teeth together to keep myself from voicing any more.
Without looking away she spoke to Pitch. "Leave us."
"As you wish." He bowed again before disappearing into the shadows. I couldn't help but feel bad for him then. I mean, not only did his boss treat him like crap, she just ordered him out of his own living room. Basically.
Once he was gone, the majority of the fearling mass behind Annie dispersed, leaving only a handful shifting about behind her. I stared at them for a minute before looking Annie in the eye. "Pandora, huh?" It took a whole lot of willpower to hide the hurt I felt that she was the reason for everything. We stared each other down for a minute or two, the happy-go-lucky facade dropped. We both knew that the other could put us to ruin if we said anything about this.
"Story, you are friends with many immortals, aren't you?" She folded her hands in front of her, crossing her legs as she did.
"Yes. A lot of them I met at your club." It's also probably where you steal them away too.
She nodded to herself. "I thought so. Which means that if you were to go missing, it wouldn't go unnoticed."
I bristled involuntarily. Missing? Shit, shit, shit... Alarm bells were going off in my head. "Considering that I'm on a first-name basis with the Guardians and Mother Nature, yeah, people would notice." I planned on emphasizing why it would be a very bad idea for her to make me disappear - however it was she did that. "Not to mention I'm friends with most of your employees."
"And the Nightmare King." Her expression was unreadable. Not because it was blank or anything, more because it was careful. I didn't bother to respond to her statement, I was too busy trying to figure out how to proceed. She smiled slightly, one of those smiles that basically says you know something, but you're not sharing. "Story, from the times I've spoken to you, I can see that you firmly believe in free will." She paused for a second to let me interject, but I stayed silent. "You don't like the idea of anyone doing anything against their will." She was right about that. For most of my mortal life I'd felt trapped and the second I became immortal I gained my wings - figuratively and literally. I was able to break free of the cage I had considered normality to be. To be completely honest, that was one of the reasons I actually liked Pitch. The fearlings had freed themselves at any and all costs, and that was admirable to me. Of course, they'd taken Kozmotis prisoner in the process, but they were fearlings after all.
"I'm sure Pitch has shared with you that I am the person spiriting away our peers." I didn't move, she already knew my answer. "What else has he shared?"
"You control the fearlings somehow." My eyes roved her face looking for any tell that could help me here.
She nodded to herself. "I'm sure you are curious as to why I am doing this as well." I was dying to know why she was basically killing immortals, but I was also watching my words. I couldn't let her know that I was spying for Manny, at all costs I couldn't let her know. She sat forward a little in her chair, resting her arms on the table. "Most of us were human once. We had friends, families, lives. And when we died we were brought back without our consent to fulfill jobs we never wanted. Not only have we lost the identities of our previous lives, we have lost what made us human in the first place. Community." She paused for a moment to let her words sink in.
"We are left to roam the earth for eternity with no words from our creator save our new names. We are invisible to everyone we once held dear, and when people walk through us we feel like we are nothing. We feel like we are ghosts, and therefore we feel as if we have no purpose." My mind instantly went to Jack and how he'd been left to figure it out on his own for his first 300 years. "So we blindly do what we've been told, hoping that we will find purpose in these jobs we have been resurrected into." She paused and looked me in the eye. "And it's not enough. Especially for those of us who weren't lucky enough to enjoy our new position."
She wasn't wrong. I thought about the way she spoke about her death and job and could see how she'd come to the conclusions she had. "I have yet to see why making immortals disappear is helping any of this." I'd meant to say that to myself, but it slipped out.
Her eyes softened a little and a sad smile crossed he face. "You know that believers are key to our survival. Those of us who's believers die out fade away to nothingness. It isn't a nice way to go, especially for people like us who've already gone once." She broke off for a moment and her eyes were far away. " And in this day and age, magic doesn't exist anymore. It's all special effects and science." Her tone turned biter and she waved her hand around angrily. "The mortals don't think we're real anymore. At least in the old days, we had a chance, but nowadays..." She looked away for a minute before facing me again. "You are very lucky that you had people to help you get started."
I objected to that. I didn't say it out loud, but I objected. I got my believers on my own, thank you very much. And I knew most of how the immortal world worked before I even met Jack thanks to the books and the movie. However, I know that you should listen when someone is spilling their plans. "Yeah, I am." Might as well play along for now.
"One of the worst things about our world is watching our friends fade away. First, their powers wither, then they begin feeling physically weak, and at the end, they quite literally fade away." The way she talked about it, it was obvious that she'd seen this happen a few times. "They evaporate like a pot left too long to boil." She unclasped the chain that held her necklace. That's it! She held it towards me so I could see it better. "You see this locket?" She didn't give me a chance to answer. Which was just as well as I assumed it was a rhetorical question. "I got this when I became immortal. Rather I was given it by the Man in the Moon." The moonbeam on my back warmed up a bit as if to confirm my previous guess. "It was designed to trap immortal creatures. The makers had the fearlings in mind when creating it, but it works on any immortal being. This includes us." She looked up from the locket to lock eyes with me.
I didn't realize at the time but I was reaching for the necklace before she snatched it back. She sat back again, eyes falling down to the locket as she put it back on. "I've watched so many of my friends fade away... Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. I offered to encapsulate them in the locket to prevent their deaths. You see, time is frozen in the locket." She looked back at me as if challenging me. "Mortals that enter can leave whenever they feel ready, immortals are suspended... Safe."
"So..." I saw a spark in her eyes as I hesitated. "All of the immortals that disappeared were already fading?" I stared at her hard. "That's the story you're going with."
She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Maybe not all of them, but most."
"And they all agreed." I wanted her to tell me that yes, they all wanted to be saved by her, but the look in her eyes before she composed her face told me everything I needed to know it was all a lie.
"Yes." She reached for my hand. "Every last one." I let her. "Story, you know as well as I, none of us were prepared for this life." The empathy in her eyes was almost enough to make me forget that she was a liar. "Even you, who wished for magic had no idea what was in store" I pulled my hands back, unable to keep them in her grasp. There was a twinge of disappointment in her eyes as she pulled her hands back. "You died..." She gave me a trusting look. "And then the Man in the Moon brought you back, told you your name, and left you to fend for yourself. He never talks to us unless it suits him. He expects us to do everything he wants without question and to do it with a smile." The fire had come back to her eyes and I knew she was done speaking carefully. "He isn't a god, and we shouldn't have to treat him like one." I was tactfully keeping my mouth shut now. I knew if I said anything to defend Manny I'd be pulling the noose down around my neck. I kept my face carefully neutral and devoid of any expression that she wasn't looking for.
"Story, you know firsthand how much he leaves us to flounder. Think of Jack. Think of Mosy. Think of Mors." Now that was a low blow. I knew that Mors had given up more than any of us simply to fit their legend. Not only had they given up all ties to their original identity, but they had given up hope of ever being seen as a kindness. "If they hadn't gotten the silent treatment by the Man in the Moon, they could have been saved a great deal of heartache."
I was having a hard time not falling for it. I'll be honest here. Not only was she making valid points, but she was making them in ways that I knew she knew I would fall for. She was using my bleeding heart to her advantage. And it almost worked. If my moonbeam hadn't been such an obvious presence and had Pitch not been so terrified of her she might have had me fooled. But momma didn't raise no fool. What she raised was a smartass who was good at lying. "But once Jack got his memories back he was fine. And Mors is happy."
"Mors has had millennia to come to terms with all that they have given up. You've only ever seen them after, but back when I first met them, they were still very upset about the whole thing. And who kept Jack's memories from him in the first place?" Got me there. "Who neglected to tell his precious Guardians that their newest recruit knew nothing of his past? Manny even chooses the Guardians from among us without giving us the option to refuse!"
"All I want is to get the message passed along." She didn't have to mention how, she and I both knew.
The silence following her spiel drew out longer and longer, with only the sound of the shifting fearlings to break it. After what felt like a very long time, Annie finally spoke up again. "Think about what I've said. I won't tell anyone about our meeting while you mull over where your loyalties lie." I hesitated a minute, but eventually, I nodded. She nodded back, moving to stand. "Thank you. I suggest that the next time we see each other we act as if this incident never happened." I took that as my queue that I was free to go. She patted me on the shoulder as I passed her.
After I'd taken a few steps away from the table she called out to me. "Unless you've come to see things my way, that is. Then I do believe we'll be in need of another chat." I didn't respond, just resumed walking toward the exit. After I was outside in the sunshine, I addressed my whirling thoughts while I furiously flew home. My heart was racing as I fought off blind panic for the first time in my long life. The moonbeam was fluttering against my back, no doubt trying to calm me down, but it wasn't working. I don't know how far I'd gotten before I was having a hard time catching my breath. Had I forgotten to breathe? I felt myself beginning to fall.
Right before I hit the ground the winds caught me, gently depositing me into a cornfield. So, somewhere in the midwest. I blacked out after a moment and when I finally woke up it was the middle of the night. Manny was worriedly calling out to me from inside my head. "Story! Are you awake?" My head was pounding, had the stress given me a migraine?
"What do I do?" I couldn't help the sob that escaped me. Just a month prior I'd have called Annie a friend, but now...? "It's Annie!?" My anger had left me long ago, all that was left was desperation. She had access to almost all of the immortals through the club, the only safe ones were the Guardians - "Sam goes to Legends!" I can't ever go back, can I?
"Calm yourself." Manny's voice was as calm as I'd always imagined Sandy's to be.
"How?!" The rage came roaring back. "Annie's not some random I've barely met! She's in charge of the main hub for immortals! No wonder so many more disappeared so quickly!" Angry hot tears were searing my cheeks as they poured out. "Manny, Legends is home to me." I furiously wiped at my cheeks. "If I never go back it would be like cutting off my arm."
"I am so sorry." A calming sensation spread across my shoulders courtesy of the moonbeam. "I had my suspicions but I had hoped I was wrong." It felt like he was trying to give me a hug. "Sadly, this does not change what must be done." A shuddering sigh escaped me. "It is time for me to leave you." Before I could respond I could tell he was gone, the moonbeam curled around me for a second before sinking under my skin again.
What am I going to do?
I'd been holed up in my house for almost another month before I got a message from Annie. All she asked was whether I'd thought about it more or not. I'd ripped up the paper it was on. I didn't have an answer for her anyway. The twins had stopped by once or twice to confirm different tidbits they'd learned and to ask if there was another place I could suggest them to visit for exposure. It was a welcome distraction but... had they asked before I'd have sent them to Legends... As it was I'd told them I'd think of a few places. Now I was sitting on the edge of the lake nearby, just thinking.
I was broken out of my thoughts by the flutter of autumn leaves before footsteps. I turned to see Sam looking a tad confused. I flashed him a grin as he came to sit next to me. "Where have you been lately?" It was my turn to look confused. "No one's really seen you since I was promoted."
"Ah." I kept my tone light, but I had to look away lest he see something on my face he shouldn't.
"You ok?" Damnit!
"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired lately." I stretched as I leaned back a bit.
He sat on the ground next to me, sniffing loudly as he did. "It have anything to you and Jack breaking up?"
Oh, shit! I had completely forgotten. Between Manny and Annie, nothing else had been able to push through. Well, then. I sighed. "No, no it doesn't. I've just been trying to unwind. I've been stressed a lot lately. Don't know why." You know exactly why. Shut up.
"A bunch of our friends going missing will do that." I was nodding along with him before I realized what he meant.
"You guys didn't think I disappeared did you?" I hadn't thought of that at all, whether I did or not, I needed to start checking in with them more often so they didn't have to worry.
"No - I mean not really." He glanced back towards the treehouse. "Wanted to come by and check though." He flashed me a nervous smile.
"Sorry. I'll start checking in more often." He nodded, letting out a breath he'd obviously been holding "Anyone else not turning up?" I was careful to not put anything other than morbid curiosity in my voice.
He waved me off. "Nah, not yet anyway. Pretty easy first month-ish of being a Guardian." He took a breath. "Still can't wrap my head around it."
I chuckled. "Neither can I." I glanced over. He was pretty much at ease. "Bunny apologize yet?"
He rolled his eyes. "No. But he hasn't tried to argue again, so there's that." We sat in silence for a moment as I felt him tense up a bit. "I uh.." I watched him out of the corner of my eye. "I got something to tell you." I turned towards him, giving him my full attention. I raised my eyebrow so he knew I was listening. "Why - Why'd you turn Jack down?"
That's a little out of left field. "I can't really see him as anything more than a sibling, even with trying real hard not to." I cringed a little on the inside. "I love him the same way I loved Caeden, same way he loved Jamie." I shrugged a little. "I don't think anything could have changed that. But he was fine with it and so far no funny business, so..." I trailed off, not needing to elaborate further. "Why?"
As he took a breath a sinking feeling popped up in my stomach. Oh, you better fucking not. "A long time ago," He wasn't looking at me as he spoke. "Jack and I made a deal."
After a few moments where he stopped talking, I piped up. "About what." My mouth was dry as I said it. Please, for the love of Christ, don't say what I think you're gonna.
If I hadn't been watching him carefully I'd have missed when he winced. "You." He gave me an apologetic look. "Not long after we officially met..." He straightened out a bit as he took another breath. "I realized Jack liked you." He glanced over briefly. "And I think he noticed I did to." God damnit Sam! I hadn't noticed I'd already stood up until I'd turned around to walk away. He jumped up after me. "The deal was neither of us ever tell you!"
I whirled on him. "Then both of you fucking suck at keeping secrets!" He winced again, knowing damn well by now he'd screwed up. "Why even fucking tell me?" I matched back towards my house, too angry to call my wings.
"Story, I'm sorry!" I could hear him scrambling after me. "I was just pissed that Jack did it anyway!" I stopped to stare at him. His voice was defeated when he continued. "We were only supposed to say something if you ever chose one of us."
"Do not make this my fucking fault!" Fury filled me realizing that neither of them had ever just been my friends, neither of them had ever been safe. "Even if Jack fucked up, you didn't have to say anything." I could feel a tingle in my eyes that threatened angry tears. Don't you fucking cry! "You're supposed to be my friends!" As my vision blurred I knew I hadn't managed to stop the threatened tears. "You -" I can't do this right now. I could feel myself start to hyperventilate. "Just go away." I heard the break in my voice more than I felt it before I flew off to my house at breakneck speed. I tripped over the balcony railing as I landed, faceplanting as I did. If there were doors to slam on the way I would have shaken Big Guy all the way to his roots.
I'm a fucking idiot. I knew he'd been flirting back then but I'd deluded myself into thinking I'd been seeing things. Both of them? I didn't know if I was more angry with them or myself. I snatched the first thing I could and threw it across the room as an angry scream tore out of me. I feel like I'm gonna puke. The moonbeam fluttered against my back like it was trying to calm me. It worked a little, making me remember that there was other shit I should really be worrying about more. So much for a welcome distraction. We do not have time for this right now. I looked out the window towards the lake, but he was gone. Why doesn't that make me feel better? I tried to take a breath but it ended up a sigh. So... Sam loves me too. Or, at least, he did. I winced, starting to regret how badly I'd reacted. I should apologize... When I turned towards the balcony to go looking for him I saw a singular autumn leaf flutter past the doorway. After a moment where i'd prepared myself I cleared my throat. "Sam?"
He slowly poked his head around the corner, making sure I was, in fact, allowing him inside. Once satisfied he sheepishly came in. "Story I'm -"
I'd held my hand up to stop him. "I'm sorry for blowing up." I couldn't look him in the eye yet. "I should have let you speak." I'm glad you didn't leave. "I'll listen to whatever you have to say to me, now."
He was silent for a moment and all I could hear was the sounds of the woods around us. "Why did you?"
"I... don't know." I was absent-mindedly rubbing my fingers together, my mind blank for once.
"Are you..." He let out a breath while he carefully picked his words. "Mad at me?"
I shook my head. "No I don't... think so..." I think I'm more mad at me, but... I hated this. I hated the awkward silence. "I think, if anything... I'm scared." The only thing I'd ever been scared of was being alone, this felt the same. I heard the hitch in his breathing as I'd said that and looked up. The pain and remorse in his eyes was enough to make mine sting again. "Jack and I just got back to normal, I don't know how he's gonna act in the long run." The words had started to spill out without my consent. "If you -" I took a breath, trying to cup off the lump I could feel forming in my throat.
"I would never!" He'd taken a step or two closer.
"If I lose both of you over this." I bit my lip to keep it from trembling.
"You won't!" I couldn't tell if his tone was desperate for me or for himself.
"You don't know that!" I'd balled my hands into fists so I wouldn't shake. "You can't know that!" My voice was going hoarse. "Because before Jack even said anything I knew from the start exactly where we stood! But with you -!" My own words surprised both of us equally.
"You...?" In his eyes, I saw exactly what he wanted to hear.
"I don't know." It was barely above a whisper. His shoulders dropped. "So if..." His hopeful eyes met mine. "If you want the same deal Jack and I had, I think that's only fair." My gaze fell to the floor.
He came forward a bit and I tensed up. He bent over to meet my eye. "Story, a year is more than I ever expected. I don't want to lose the best person in my life and if you don't feel the same when a year has passed then I will gladly be your friend. Nothing more." He reached for my hand. "I just couldn't lie to you anymore." I let him take it. "I'm sorry." He saw the question in my eyes before I could put it to words. "I never wanted to scare you. I've wanted to tell you since the first time I saw you." He squeezed my hand a little. "I saw you, at the bar, and I knew."
His eyes got glassy for a moment. "Sunny got there before I could and I thought coming to your rescue would be the best thing that happened to me but -" His laugh cut off his words. "You told me off." His smile dropped. "And I left." He let go of my hand and all I could feel was its absence. "I kicked myself in the butt every day after I left. I thought I'd never see you again." His eyes glistened. "And then, like a miracle, there you were. On my doorstep... with my best friend."
As his voice trailed off I realized that I wasn't the only one stealing someone away all those years ago. I'd stolen Sam's best friend in Jack... and Jack had stolen me from Sam. "But you wanted to be my friend as much as I wanted to keep you around, and within a few minutes I knew that I could never push any of this onto you." He backed up a bit. "I was happy to just spend what little time with you that you allowed." He took a shuddering breath. "Until last year." And up goes a wall. "When Jack jumped the gun and decided to renege our agreement."
"You're not gonna hold that against him are you?" I did not want to be the reason they stopped being friends after three centuries.
He shook his head. "No, we already made up, I get it." He shoved his hands in his pockets, defensively. "He'd gone through a lot with Jamie and the wizard." He shrugged. "And the way you explained it away told me enough." He gestured over his shoulder. "Yesterday he, uh, stopped by to talk about how I was doing as a Guardian and told me how you guys ended things." He worked his jaw like he was trying to chew up words he didn't want to say. "I couldn't stop myself from telling you."
He looked at me, begging for me to accept him. I went to respond but realized I didn't know what I was gonna say. You know damn well what you wanna know. Yeah, I did. "W- Why do you..." I could see the weight lifting off of him. I couldn't finish my question, but I'm sure he knew what I was asking anyway.
He was beaming, and it was the kindest smile I'd ever seen. "I love you. I've loved you from the moment I saw you, and I've loved you every waking moment since." My heart paused. No one, not even Jack had managed that before. "I love your confidence and your sarcasm." He moved to take my hands again and I didn't stop him. "I love your honesty. I love it when you get frustrated or when you're feeling awkward and shy." I could see the sincerity in his eyes. "I love your smile, how it doesn't just light up your face but your whole being." My breath caught in my throat. "I love arguing with you. I love laughing with you and hearing your laugh. I love how loud you are and how you have so much to say." A laugh escaped him. "I love your eyes, not just for their color but for the way they put the stars to shame." I could feel tears start to form but I didn't want to let go of him to wipe them away. "I love how you talk with your whole body as much as with your voice. I love how entranced you become by ordinary, everyday things. So much so that I start doing the same." He paused and let go with one hand. "There is only one thing I don't like about you and that is when you cry because no one as amazing as you are should ever be pushed to the point of tears." He wiped my cheek.
For one of the first times in my life, I was speechless. All my life I'd dreamed of one day when someone would say things like this to me. From long before I died everyone around me found people to love them more than life itself and I was just left alone to my own devices. As time passed I'd just accepted the fact that no one like that existed for me. But... here he was. And it was Sam. And he was right under my nose this whole time. "I won't lie to you. If the year ends and you don't love me, it will hurt." He ran his thumb over the back of my hand. "But, you know what, I'll get through it because I'll have had a year with you and I won't be wondering 'what if'." He sniffled a little and I realized he was holding back tears too. "And if you do find love one day, and he isn't me, then I'll be right there next to you, cheering you on. Because even though it'll hurt to see you with someone else, you deserve to love someone who loves you. And if I'm not that man then I'll be content with being your friend and knowing that we at least tried." The hand he'd used to wipe away my tears - how cliche is that - was still cradling my cheek. "And no matter what happens, I will always love you."
It felt like my body was on fire. When I'd asked Jack why he loved me I knew from his answer that he didn't, and I knew it hadn't been what I'd been searching for, but this... This was everything I'd ever wanted. From the nights I'd laid awake crying myself to sleep, begging whatever would listen for magic, friends, love of any kind. From some of my earliest memories of traipsing from school to school with no one ever following. All my life, all I'd ever wanted was someone to promise to never leave me. And Sam had done just that. I could barely breathe as I tried to find the words - any words. "What happens if the year ends and I do?"
If his smile got any brighter then, he'd have been able to take over for a lighthouse. He pulled me into a hug that I wasn't unhappy with. "We'll get there when we get there." When he pulled back I found myself wishing he hadn't.