Hikki was absent again today.
It's been three weeks that I and Yukinon have been gathering money for his operation. Unfortunately, she still didn't manage to convince her mother, and Hikki is still rejecting our attempts to help.
I could feel that Hikki and Yukinon hadn't seen each other either, the melancholy in her eyes had been growing over time. Her mouth said that she was fine, but her eyes were yelling how much she missed him.
Zaimokuza agreed to help us, so I feel grateful toward him.
I was currently heading to the clubroom, alone, and about to face another dull day. I was still glad to see Yukinon, but... Hikki's absence had its effect on me too. Yes, I could say that. I missed him very much right now.
Today was Monday, our last Monday as second year students of high school. I hope that we will manage by any way to change his mind before the end of the year, but in only one week... it seemed almost impossible.
The door of the clubroom came closer to my view, and as soon as I could stand before it, the handle moved before I could grasp it and the door opened.
"H-Huh? Yukinon?"
She was carrying her school bag, and had the clubroom key in her hand.
"Good afternoon, Yuigahama-san. I'm cancelling today's club activities."
"Why..? Someone might still need help."
I was really surprised that Yukinon had suddenly decided to cancel today's club activities. Even though we were nearing the end of the year, I couldn't understand why she would want to skip it today.
Did something happen?
"Yes, I know. But even though... I think the club members are not at their best form right now. So, I preferred to just cancel for today. I had something else planned in mind, and I was about to ask you about it."
"What is it?"
"I contacted Komachi-san and asked her about Hikigaya-kun's current whereabouts. She told me that he would be at the hospital with his family today, so I thought we could go and see if we would be able to see him there."
"Oh, of course I would love to go with you, Yukinon!"
We both shared the same want to see him.
"Alright, let's get going, Yuigahama-san," Yukinon said, stepping out of the clubroom and locking it.
She offered a faint smile and gestured for me to follow, leading the way to the teachers' room to return the keys.
With a determined yet eager pace, we set off towards the hospital.
The late afternoon sun cast a warm, golden light over the urban streets, illuminating the city with a soft, orange hue as we walked. The air was crisp, carrying the subtle scent of the blooming cherry blossoms and the distant hum of activity around us.
Walking quietly beside me, Yukinon seemed to be lost in her own thoughts, her eyes gazing at the ground ahead of her with a distant look in her eyes.
"I'm sure Hikki's alright there. He's been very busy recently, he must have missed us a lot too, don't you think?" I spoke up, snapping Yukinon out of her thoughts.
"Hum, yes, I suppose."
"He hasn't been very active by message, could you two talk a lot lately?"
"Not much..."
"...I see. At least, we might talk to him today, I hope so. I just thought about it, but it's been a while since the last time we saw Komachi-chan and Hikki's parents. It'd be great to see them again, right, Yukinon?"
"Yes... I'm looking forward to it."
"They must be so worried too... They have to constantly watch out for him because something could happen at any moment! They're really courageous."
"Yes..."
"And..."
I looked at Yukinon, her eyes still fixed on the ground, as if the weight of her thoughts had anchored her gaze. And I just stopped to talk, feeling that it was useless to try to initiate a conversation right now.
Whatever was going on inside her right now, I couldn't reach her.
Yukinon has been worrying me so much lately. Every day, it feels like she's battling something far greater than herself. For three weeks, she's poured everything into talking to Hikki and her mother, trying to find some way to help him. And yet, she's come away empty-handed, no closer to the resolution she so desperately needs.
She just looks so... exhausted now. Her usual composed demeanor feels brittle, like it could shatter at any moment, and it hurts to see her like this. I know I'm not enough to make things better on my own. The only person who could ease her pain right now is Hikki.
But even he seems to be pulling away, putting more distance between them.
I get it—I really do. What he's going through must be unimaginably hard, and I can't blame him for retreating into himself to deal with it. But Yukinon... she's not handling it as well. She's strong, but even she has limits, and I'm scared she's reaching them.
As we continued walking in silence, the only sound was the soft crunch of our steps against the pavement.
I glanced at her again, wishing I could do more than just walk beside her, silently watching her fight a losing battle against her own emotions.
Once we arrived in the hospital, we scanned the lobby area, looking for any sign of Hikki's family.
"Ohh, you're Hachiman's friends from last time!" A feminine and familiar voice echoed.
We turned to the source of the voice and immediately recognized the silhouette that was hurriedly walking in our direction.
"Yahallo!" I waved at her, the warm expression on her face influenced my own.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Hikigaya." Yukinon's expression seemed to soften a little bit at the sight of Hikki's mother.
"I'm so happy to see you here. Komachi told me that you might be coming today, and she was right, it seems."
"Yes, where is she by the way?" Yukinon asked.
"She was still at school, so currently she must be with her father on their way."
"What about Hikki? Is he okay?"
I and Yukinon looked intently at her as I asked this question. He wasn't with her at that moment, meaning that he may be busy somewhere else.
"In his room with some doctors. He's got quite the long medical exam tonight, I don't know if he'll even come out before he falls asleep."
A wave of disappointment washed over me, I was looking forward to see him and once again, I couldn't.
The disappointment and sadness was even more evident on Yukinon's face. Her hopes to see him were completely erased.
"I see..." Yukinon muttered.
Hikki's mother glanced at her and smiled.
"It's a shame, really. If he knew that his beloved came here especially to see him..." She reached to pat Yukinon's hair teasingly.
A sudden crimson of pink crept onto her cheeks as her eyes widened slightly.
"I-I was just-"
"No, I mean it! This boy has been whining to me non-stop about how tired he is of these medical consultations—because he couldn't see you. I've lost count of how many times I've heard him complain like a little kid: 'Again? But I won't see Yukinoshita! I miss her so much, Mom!'"
She let out a playful sigh, shaking her head with mock exasperation. "This sweet, adorable little boy of mine—honestly, sometimes I swear, he's just a stubbornly loving handful!"
As she spoke, she poked at Yukinon every so often, her tone cheerful and teasing. The lightheartedness of her words clashed with the seriousness of the situation, but her touches carried a warmth that seemed designed to lift Yukinon's spirits, even just a little.
Yukinon's blush deepened as her eyes darted around rapidly.
"Y-You're exaggerating..." she let out, completely overwhelmed by her teasing.
Then, out of the blue, a small and lovely smile curved on her lips. Her genuine smile filled with love combined by the flustered expression on her face was a real cute side of hers I hadn't seen for long...
"But... I can't deny that he's really stubborn..." she admitted, a cute giggle escaping her lips.
"I know, right? He always thinks he's doing the right things every time as if he knew better for others," she continued.
"Hikigaya-kun needs to be put in his place sometimes."
"Exactly, I have my ways to discipline him when he isn't behaving well. My instincts are telling me that you know how to make him be a good boy when needed, am I right?"
"I wouldn't contradict you here. If he pushes too much, I manage to make him freeze in fear with my glares. And he ends up obeying, most of the time."
I couldn't help but giggle at their banter, exchanging their different ways of disciplining Hikki, it was endearing how they agreed with each other every time a dig was directed at him.
"But if there's one thing I could never deny, it's that when he loves someone very deeply..." The mother leaned closer to Yukinon's ear, as if about to whisper something. "His love will be the most genuine." She leaned back, winking.
And it seems that the words she whispered in Yukinon's ear provoked her cheeks to blush an even deeper shade of red.
"I... I could never deny that either," Yukinon said, looking down shyly as the most girlish smile appeared on her face.
I couldn't help but find her reaction too cute!
"Yukinon! Tell me, what did she say?" I moved closer to her, my eyes shining with curiosity.
"H-Hum..." Her words struggled to come out, but I didn't care now.
I didn't really want to know what she had heard from Hikki's mother, just to see her smiling so much for once was enough to make me happy, too. Hikki's mother managed to lighten Yukinon's mood and make her feel as if the weight on her shoulders could temporarily disappear.
Buzz!
"Who's that?" Hikki's mother asked.
"Oh, it's me. My mom just called me. I'll be outside real quick!" I pulled out my own phone, already heading out.
"Alright, make her know where you are so she doesn't worry."
I heard her voice resonating from behind as left the hospital's lobby. Once outside, I answered the call.
"Yui, are you still at school?"
"No no. I left a while ago already. I went to the hospital with Yukinon."
"Something happened? Are you okay?" Worry slowly arised in her voice.
"No, I'm okay. Apparently, Hikki is going there with his family for a medical exam or something like that. So we decided to cancel today's club activities for today and go there with Yukinon."
I could hear a sigh of relief through the speaker.
"Okay, I see. When will you be back? Do you remember I told you this morning to go buy dog biscuits before you come back? Sablé's been hungry."
"Crap, I totally forgot! I'm so sorry!"
When Yukinon told me that we might see Hikki today, the idea of seeing him again filled my mind so much that I completely forgot about Mom's request.
"I'll try to be back soon, I promise!"
"No, if you want to see Hikki, you can stay there. I will go buy them myself."
"You don't need to. Hikki's mother said that he was likely to fall asleep before we could be able to see him. So, I think I'll still come."
"Okay, be careful on the way."
She ended the call.
I'm a bit sad not to be able to see Hikki today, but talking with his mother was still a good thing. Maybe I should wait until Komachi-chan arrives?
"Yui-san!"
Speaking of her.
I turned to the source of the voice, my eyes landing on Komachi-chan's little figure in her middle school uniform running in my direction. I also recognized her father walking calmly behind her.
"Yahallo!" She directly jumped into my arms, hugging me tight. "I'm so happy to see you! Is Yukino-san here too?"
"You seem to be in a bright mood today. Yukinon is here too, she's probably chatting with your mother right now," I said, hugging back.
Her father slowly approached us and greeted me.
"Good evening."
I nodded, letting go of Komachi-chan. "Good evening, sir."
"Just call me Hikigaya, no need for 'sir'."
"Oh, okay."
For strange reason I felt intimidated when he greeted me, and I instinctively called him sir... Now a small wave of embarassment washed over me.
"Let's get inside, I wanna see Yukino-san!" Komachi-chan grabbed my hand and pulled me forward.
When we entered the building, we immediately spotted Yukinon sitting on one of the benches in the lobby with Hikki's mother. They seemed to be deep in conversation, and judging by the expression on Yukinon's face, I could only assume they were still talking about Hikki.
As soon as Komachi-chan saw Yukinon, she didn't waste a second to run toward her and hug her by surprise.
"Yahallo Yukino-san!"
"Good evening, Komachi-san. It's nice to see you." Yukinon patted Komachi-chan's hair.
"How is it going?" The father asked his wife.
"I was informed earlier that it'd take longer. They can't explain why, but his heart has met some problems."
All the attention suddenly shifted to what she was saying now.
"What kind of problems?"
"His usual heartbeat rhythm has slowed down. They compared the data they gathered today with the results from two months ago, and it's concerning..." She lowered her gaze.
"What does it mean? Is he alright?" Yukinon instantly chimed in, the previous hint of warmth on her expression totally gone now.
"Hachiman has started to develop new symptoms recently; his health has declined another step..." his mother said melancholically.
Oh no...
Hikki must be suffering alone in there...
Suddenly, everyone started staring at me for no reason. I glanced at Yukinon, whose eyes widened slightly as our gazes met.
"Hey, Yui, it's okay. You'll see Hachiman very soon I promise..." Hikki's mother stood up and placed her hands on my shoulders, her expression warm and caring.
What was wrong with me? Why were they staring at me suddenly?
I kept wondering until I felt something damp drip from my chin. Only then did I realize that a tear had slipped down my cheek.
Of course, I could always hide the pain when my heart ached within my chest. But if my emotions grew too overwhelming for my eyes to hold back, there would be no stopping the tears from falling.
I didn't want to cry in front of everyone here, but I couldn't help it right now.
"S-Sorry, I'm just... so worried. I care about him so much..." I wrapped my arms around her, burying my head onto her shoulder.
Smaller arms joined us, Komachi-chan seems to want to share the emotional moment with us both. The mother wrapped one of her arms around her daughter to pull her against us.
"Onii-chan's state is worsening again..." she muttered.
"It's okay, girls. Everything will be alright..."
How can he continue to refuse our help while carrying such unbearable pain in his heart? I really... struggle to understand him sometimes. He keeps suffering in silence, shutting us out, refusing to let anyone share the burden or ease his pain.
And here I am, standing powerless, watching as everything unfolds around me, unable to do anything. Should I try harder? Should I be more of a source of warmth and comfort for him?
No.
Yukinon already does that perfectly. He doesn't need my warmth. He never did. It's always been this way—I have so much to give, but it's never enough, never as much as what Yukinon can provide. She understands him in ways I never could, and no matter how hard I try, I know I'll always fall short.
I tightened my grip on Hikki's mother.
I've lived through this, watched it all happen—watched as Hikki's condition worsened bit by bit, knowing full well that there was nothing I could do to change it. I'm not Yukinon. I'm not the strong, wise girl who can find solutions or take charge of the impossible.
My tears kept streaming down my cheeks, spilling over for more than just the heartbreaking news about Hikki's declining health. They were a reminder—a cruel reminder—of my role in all of this
The role fate gave me for this story.
I'm sorry, Yukinon. But I envy you... a little.
It keeps going.
Hikigaya-kun's state got worse, and he will face me again, saying 'It's pointless to try to save me'. Just thinking about it me makes me clench my fists in anger.
I watched as Yuigahama was taking her leave. She had said earlier that her mother wanted her to be back so she said goodbye to each of us.
As for me, I decided to stay a little longer.
Hikigaya-kun's father was the last person Yuigahama-san said goodbye to, and as she did, I couldn't shake the feeling that he'd murmured something to her just before she left. What could it have been? Something meaningful?
Certainly, I know he wouldn't do that for no reason.
I have no idea what he might have muttered to her, but it was probably none of my business, so I had no intention of asking him or her.
It was already after 9pm, and I realized that I hadn't eaten since lunchtime. I had completely forgotten the need to eat until my stomach rumbled, reminding me that I was hungry.
With that in mind, we decided to head to the hospital cafeteria for dinner.
The hospital cafeteria was already buzzing with activity, most of the staff members seated around the large tables and chatting amongst themselves about their days
We took our meals from the counter before seating ourselves at a table. I sat beside Komachi-san as her parents were seated in front of us.
"Yukinoshita, we've heard from Komachi that you've been gathering money to pay an operation for our son," the mother spoke up.
Soon after we'd begun, I contacted Komachi-san to make her know about it and I asked her to convey it to them.
"Yes, Yuigahama-san and a few other friends are helping us. But unfortunately-"
"That's wonderful. We truly thought it would be impossible, but thanks to you, our son might finally have a future. Please know that we are deeply grateful for your help." She bowed alongside her husband.
"I-It's not sure yet... We still haven't got enough for it. And, Hikigaya-kun doesn't cooperate much either."
"I'm aware of that, I've been dealing with Hachiman's stubbornness for 17 years so don't worry about me, it'll just take some time."
"I see..."
The woman took a bite of her food and looked back at me.
"Hey, you don't mind us calling you by your first name?"
"Oh, hum, no I don't mind."
Their offer took me by surprise a little bit. But I can't deny I got closer to them recently.
Now that I think about it, should I also call Hikigaya-kun by his first name now..?
Hikigaya-kun... Hachiman-kun... or just Hachiman...
'Good afternoon, Hachiman..'
'I'm happy to see you, Hachiman.'
'What are you doing, Hachiman?'
My mind wandered, unconsciously conjuring imaginary scenarios where I used his first name, just to see how it would sound rolling off my tongue in everyday conversations. I had to admit, the idea was... surprisingly enticing.
Still, it would be the first time in a very long while that I'd called someone by their first name. It felt oddly intimate, almost foreign—but strangely appealing.
"Hachiman..."
"Well, Yukino-san, you should start calling Onii-chan by his first name too," Komachi's voice broke through my thoughts, snapping me back to reality. That's when I realized—I had accidentally let his first name slip while lost in my own musings.
I turned to look at her, only to notice the small grin playing on her lips. It had an immediate effect, making my cheeks grow even warmer.
"I-I... Maybe..." My stutter caused her mother to let out a quiet giggle.
The sound of a chair scraping against the floor drew all our gazes toward its source. Komachi-san's father had stood up and picked up his plate.
"I'm done, I'll be walking around for a little while," he announced.
"Alright, don't get lost, honey."
He then walked off.
"Does your husband often leave the table like that?"
I wasn't asking spitefully to be honest, it was just sudden. With my family, we usually wait that everyone finish before parting to our own occupations.
"Not really, but he probably just needs some time alone right now. The first thing he learned when he got here was bad news, after all. I can understand that," she explained, her eyes following her husband as he put aside his plate and left the cafeteria. "This is just his way of processing things."
"I see..."
"Don't worry about him, Yukino-san. He's strong when it comes to dealing with his own emotions."
Maybe, but I still think someone should check on him. Even if you're used to bottling up your emotions and maintaining a facade, not wanting to worry those close to you, it can still be a huge relief to let it all out in front of someone you truly care about—even if it's just once.
"If you say so."
We continued to eat in silence, the atmosphere slowly becoming quieter as more and more people left the cafeteria. The once-bustling room had turned into a more peaceful setting as the night fell outside, the darkness visible through the windows.
As I finished my meal, an urgent need to use the bathroom became apparent. So, once I was done eating, I got up and discarded my empty plate.
"I'm done, I need to go to bathroom quickly."
"Okay, take your time," Mrs. Hikigaya said.
I exited the cafeteria, making my way to the women's restroom.
After taking care of business, I emerged from the restroom feeling refreshed again.
Upon leaving the restroom, I crossed paths with Hikigaya-kun's father in the hallway, who appeared to also be exiting the men's room.
"Are the others done eating?" he asked.
"I don't think so. I finished before them."
"I see." He began to prepare to resume his walk, but that was until I spoke again.
"May I walk with you?"
"Sure," he agreed, shoving his hands into his pockets.
We started walking side by side through the hallways, aimlessly. He didn't seem to have a destination in mind; he was just wandering, not concerned with where his feet led him.
And I followed along.
"Is it alright with your mother?" he suddenly asked.
I glanced at him briefly, and answered, "Honestly, I'm not sure. She is still refusing to help us."
"Don't put too much pressure on yourself, no one will be mad at you if you don't manage to convince her. We know you tried your best."
"Yes, I know. It's just that... I think I am the one who'll be mad at me."
Sometimes, I wonder if relying so much on my family is a good thing. My actions seem to depend heavily on their decisions, and it leaves me with a sense of weakness, as if I can't do much on my own.
"I'm going to tell you about something from a past that feels distant now."
I raised an eyebrow, why did he suddenly want to mention of his past here?
"One of my greatest regrets."
"One of your greatest regrets? What do you mean by that?"
"I forgot how precious a family was," he said, his words resonating through the air like the toll of a distant bell. The faint background noises of the hospital seemed to fade into silence, his voice carrying a weight that demanded my full attention.
"I was from a deeply religious family before I met my wife."
"Religious?"
He nodded. "I grew up in a strict Catholic household. My parents were devout, and I was raised to follow the faith without question. I was what you might call a blessed child—obedient, pure of mind, and deeply immersed in God's teachings. Every action I took, every choice I made, was guided by the phrase, 'It will make God happy.' It became the foundation of my life."
I stayed silent, carefully listening to his words, though I wasn't sure yet where he was going with this.
"I made my family proud, following the path they set for me. But deep down..." He paused, his gaze distant as if sifting through old memories. "Deep down, I knew it wasn't me. Every decision I made, every move I took, wasn't my own. My individuality, my sense of self, didn't matter. It was suppressed under the weight of what my family deemed righteous."
He paused again, gathering his thoughts.
"Creating a personality of my own? That wasn't an option. Any attempt to deviate, to question the teachings or carve out my own path, would've been met with harsh punishment. Severe, unforgettable punishment."
"That's..." I hesitated.
Could I call such an upbringing toxic? To strip a child of their chance to grow, to make them a vessel for expectations instead of nurturing their individuality?
"Then, came high school," he continued. "That was when I met the person who made me want to be myself for the first time. The person who inspired me to dream beyond what I was told to be."
His eyes softened slightly, a subtle shift in his expression that told me he was talking about his wife.
"As I grew older, I started to see how different people from more... free environments were. Behind my family's back, I began to form my own ideals, my own vision of the world. I hid my growing independence from them, terrified of the consequences if they knew. But the more I got to know her, the more I realized..."
"Realized what?"
"That she could never fit into my family's rigid expectations. She was everything they would reject—free-spirited, bold, and entirely unbound by the rules I'd been raised with."
"Did you know then that you wanted to spend your life with her?"
He took a deep breath, his expression somber. "I knew I wanted her in my life. And I knew my family would see that as betrayal. So, fear began to grow in me—the kind of fear that leads to mistakes."
"You were afraid... that if you introduced her to them, they'd reject her?"
He looked at me, I observed something rise in his eyes that I've never seen before in him.
"Exactly. I was terrified that they'd see her as a 'corruption,' a bad influence, and worse... a disappointment to their vision of me. Instead of trying to bridge the gap, instead of being honest, I did the one thing I shouldn't have done: I lied."
His words sent shiver down my spine, making my heart skip a beat. He clenched his fists lightly, his voice tinged with regret.
"Effectively, that was the first sin I committed. I kept her a secret, avoided the inevitable confrontation, and instead built a double life. But secrets don't stay hidden forever. And eventually... we made a mistake—one that would break the illusion I was holding onto."
He paused, his gaze heavy as he relived the memory.
"We committed a second sin. Fornication. When my family found out, they were furious—not just because of the sin, but because I had lied to them for so long. Their rage turned into action, and they cast me out. To them, I wasn't just a sinner—I was a traitor to everything they believed in."
I stayed silent, unsure of what to say, as he let the words linger in the air.
I had no idea Hikigaya-kun's parents had such a past. It hit me harder than I expected, leaving me at a loss for words. His story would linger in my mind for a long time...
"My family disowned me," he continued, his voice quieter now. "I lost everything—my home, their support, their love. The only one who remained by my side was the woman they rejected. She was my anchor, my lifeline in the chaos I'd created. But in choosing her, I'd also cut myself off from my roots, my family, the very foundation of my life."
He looked at me, his expression filled with the weight of his regret.
"I don't regret loving her. I don't regret building a life with her. But I do regret lying. I regret not trying to find a way to make my family see what I saw in her, not giving them—or her—a chance to come together. In my fear of rejection, I destroyed any possibility of reconciliation."
The regret he spoke of inevitably made me think of Hikigaya-kun's own regrets—those tied to his past lies, which could have led to heartbreaking consequences if they hadn't been exposed.
Both of their stories were so different yet similar in many points.
"What I'm going to say next is something that I kept hidden in the back of my mind, I didn't tell about this to my own wife so listen intently, Yukino."
My heart beat faster as he took a deep breath, preparing himself mentally for his next words. That was the very first time I saw him so unsure of an action he would make.
"As you know... my son fell ill. When we first discovered his condition, it was like the world stopped. The doctors explained the severity, the impossibly slim odds of recovery, and I couldn't help but wonder..." He trailed off, his voice faltering for the first time.
"Wonder what?" I asked softly.
He looked down, his expression clouded with a mix of guilt and anguish. "If this was... punishment. God's punishment for the sins I committed. For lying. For betraying my family and their trust. For abandoning the principles I was raised with."
His voice grew quieter, almost a whisper, yet the bitterness in his tone was unmistakable. "When Hachiman's diagnosis came, I couldn't help but think that this was my penance—that my child was paying the price for my mistakes. I've spent countless nights praying, asking for forgiveness, begging for his recovery, trying to make sense of it all. But no matter how much I pray, the guilt never leaves me."
He looked up at me, his eyes filled with something I couldn't quite define—a mixture of sorrow, regret, and desperation. "Do you know what it's like, Yukino? To feel like your choices, your failures, have cursed the ones you love the most? To look at your child, fighting for his life, and wonder if it's because of you?"
I didn't respond immediately, the gravity of his words sinking into the silence between us. His pain was raw, unfiltered, and for the first time, I saw the man behind the composed façade—the father who was desperately trying to make peace with the impossible.
He asked me if I knew what it felt like to believe that my choices and failures had cursed the ones I love most... Maybe that's what Hikigaya-kun has been feeling all along?
"Maybe... if I had stayed in contact with them, if I were still a part of their lives, I could have had their help and support. And with that, my wife and I might have been able to save Hachiman from this deadly disease."
Slowly, he turned to the window, totally facing it. He made sure his back was facing me so that I could not read the current expression on his face anymore. Then, his hand bit by bit reached to rest on his face.
I couldn't quite identify what he was trying to do in that moment, but only a few seconds after he turned back to me.
I stepped closer to him, and what I saw on his face—deep within his eyes—was something I had never witnessed before. I've seen people consumed by regret, but no one compared to this man. I had never seen such a heavy weight of regret and desperation in a single soul.
"It's okay... Look at what you've built thanks to your past choices. You have a wonderful wife, and you have Hikigaya-kun and Komachi-san. Two children who will never cease to love you. You lost a family, but you've gained an ever more meaningful one in return."
"It'll break soon."
"No, it won't. I'll make sure it doesn't break. On the contrary... I-I will even help make it bigger."
Gosh... I can't believe I just said that...
His expression shifted subtly as I spoke, and for the first time, I heard what sounded like a soft chuckle escape him. A faint, warm smile curved gently across his face.
"I see..."
Stop looking at me like that, my face can't stop getting hotter...
"I understand why he fell for you."
"..."
"Well, I shared my story with you because I wanted you to understand something important."
"What is it?"
"Family will always be your greatest source of support. Never take it for granted," he said, his tone steady but laced with a quiet intensity. "I know you've had your struggles with your own. Your situation isn't lost on me—you're from a very particular family, and that can't have been easy. I also know you're still trying to find common ground with your mother. There's a reason for that, isn't there?"
"But what is it? I've spent days and nights thinking about it, trying to solve this equation, but I always come up short. I can't find the right answer."
"Perhaps something has been left unsaid between you," he suggested gently, his gaze unwavering. "Something you're still keeping from her. I don't know what it is, and no one else can find it for you. But I do know this—if you can be honest with her, if you can truly express your feelings and address what's been left in the shadows, then maybe, just maybe, you'll find the answer you're looking for."
His words hung in the air, resonating deeply, as though he had illuminated a path I hadn't considered before.
My heart skipped a beat at his words. He talked about expressing my feelings and address what's been left in the shadows, what does he mean by that? I don't understand.
I have to understand, I need to.
"You might not understand right now—these things take time to come—but I've seen you. I know you now. And I trust you. I'm confident you'll do it." He placed his hand gently on the top of my head, his touch radiating care and warmth.
In that moment, I felt as if he had placed all his hopes and trust in me through that simple yet meaningful gesture.
"I promise, Hikigaya-san. You can count on me. I will do everything in my power to help your son live." I affirmed, meeting his gaze with unwavering determination and a firm resolve.
He nodded, moving his hand away and gesturing me to follow him.
"Let's go back where the others are, they might think we really got lost."
"Yes, let's go."
We made our way back to the hospital lobby. It's been quite a while since we've been talking and the others might still be waiting for us to come back. As we walked through the corridors, a question popped on my mind.
"You said that your family had cast you out, disowned you. But you and your wife are married and so, share the same family name right? Does that mean your family-"
"No, they'd never allow it. I suppose you guessed right, the family name I currently wear 'Hikigaya' is actually not mine. It's my wife's," he revealed softly.
"I see..."
Soon after, we reached the lobby and spotted Komachi-san seeming to be having a joyful conversation with her mother. The father walked toward them, and his arrival was immediately noticed.
As soon as his wife's eyes landed on him, they widened slightly.
"Wow! Look at your face—you've suddenly lit up out of nowhere. What's gotten into you, darling? You're so cute like this!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around him and showering his cheek with kisses.
"Huh, Dad still looks the same."
It seemed that our conversation from earlier had made him in a better mood. The shift only his lover was able to notice.
From what I could see here, I was sure of one thing.
Their love... It was definitely something genuine.
A silence surrounded me as the darkness from the outside night engulfed the room, providing a sense of solitude. Soft, almost inaudible 'bip' beeps rang out from the medical machines, a constant reminder that he remained alive.
When we returned to the lobby, Hikigaya-kun's mother informed us that we could finally see him. However, she mentioned that he was fast asleep, likely exhausted from the tests. We were instructed to stay quiet so as not to wake him.
So, we quickly came here and took a good look at his current condition.
His mother and sister were in tears, and it took everything in me to hold back my own. His skin was growing visibly paler—it was no longer just a subtle change. On the monitor, the irregular rhythm of his heartbeat stood starkly against what should have been the steady pattern of a healthy person.
After some time, they allowed me to have a moment alone with him.
And I spend it watching him peacefully asleep. I've been craving his presence, and now that I have it, all I feel is sadness and pain.
I placed my hand gently on his arm, tracing a soft line along it.
When I'm not with him, it feels as though my mind becomes my refuge—or perhaps... a trap.
How else can I explain it?
Because when he's not by my side, I retreat into my own thoughts—a place where I can still hear his voice, feel a faint trace of his warmth, and see the faint flicker of his smile.
I moved my hand from his arm to his face, my fingers lightly stroking his cheek. His skin was cold under my touch, a stark reminder of his condition.
My mind has become the place where I can see him most clearly.
So, I'm not sure anymore—have I turned my mind into a refuge, a sanctuary where I can be with him? Or is it a trap, keeping me bound to an illusion? The truth is, the longer he's away from me, the more I find myself retreating to this place.
A place where I can see you anytime I want.
A/N : I hope you enjoyed this chapter! To be honest I didn't originally plan to add so much depth into a certain character here but many interesting ideas came to mind during the writing, so I decided to go for it in the end.
As you've probably noticed, the last few chapters have focused a lot on Yukino's development, and I just realized how much I enjoy developing her character and make her evolve troughout the story.
If you appreciate the story or have anything to say/ask about it, feel free to leave a comment, it means a lot to me as sometimes readers don't realize how much their feedback can impact an author. I'll do my best to communicate with you all as much as I can!