It was a typical day in Nerima.
"I'll show you hell, Ranma!"
Almost too typical, really.
Ranma rolled his eyes before tossing his backpack at Akane. School was barely out, but the pig couldn't wait… "Take this home for me, will ya?"
"Do you two have to fight so much?" Akane said with a frown. "This is the second time this week."
Ranma jumped away just in time to dodge a flurry of razor-sharp bandannas. "Dunno, ask Ryoga!"
"Hold still, Saotome!" Ryoga yelled. "I won't let you get away with what you did to me last time we fought!"
"Oho~" Ranma jumped onto a nearby fence and chuckled. "Was that the part where I kicked you into that piranha tank, or when you started crying after I—"
"ShutupShutupShutup!" Ryoga pursued with a flurry of blows. Ranma just stuck his tongue out and hopped to a rooftop.
It went on like that for a few minutes. The two clashed, then Ranma would throw Ryoga across the street or Ryoga would punch Ranma over a building, repeat. The denizens of Nerima barely noticed, maybe giving the fight a sidelong glance before resuming their day. Ukyo waved a quick hello when Ranma went tumbling past her shopfront, and Shampoo only gave a half-hearted "Ni Hao" when her bike landed on Ryoga's head.
The fight was approaching the city limits when Ryoga struck another solid hit, forcing Ranma to fly through the air, coincidently in the same direction as a nearby stream. He could put in a little effort, and redirect his momentum midair, but Ranma figured the fight could use a change of pace.
A quick splash later, and he was a she. Ranma jumped back into the fight with the same cocky grin. "If yer done warming up P-chan, some of us are expecting an actual fight."
"All you have to do is stop fighting like a girl, Ranma!" Ryoga threw another bandanna at her head, and began to run behind it to strike her when she dodged.
A classic attack with a classic counter. Ranma grabbed the bandanna from out of the air, and judo-throwed Ryoga behind her into a nearby forest. He recovered quickly, but Ranma was in hot pursuit, pushing her opponent deeper into the woods with a flurry of blows.
It ended with Ryoga growling in frustration with his back to a tree. "Don't think you have the upper hand!" He raised his fist for an overhead strike—
"Don't worry, P-chan." As quick as lightning, Ranma used the bandanna she had grabbed and tied it onto Ryoga's wrist, wrapping the surprisingly long cloth over a stray tree branch right above them. Ryoga's other hand shot out to try and create distance, but Ranma saw it coming a mile away and deflected the limb upward, allowing her to tie it up with the bandanna's other end.
With both of Ryoga's arms immobilized, Ranma let out a hearty laugh. "I don't think anything. I've just got it." She kept up the pressure by shoving Ryoga backwards into the tree, and then used her hands to pin his arms against the bark. "Like I've got you, my little piggy."
He still struggled. "W-when I get out of this, Ranma…!"
She made a show of pursing her lips. "Aw, I'll have to beat you up again? But I put in so much effort to pin you down this time…" A finger found its way to her lips, while her other hand tossed her pigtail over her shoulder as she leaned closer. "Whatever shall I do?" Ranma pressed her chest ever so slightly into Ryoga's, which caused him to blush furiously, much to her amusement.
"Ranma, I—"
And then she kissed him. "Maybe I need to keep you distracted?"
Even after all this time, Ryoga was always so delightfully easy to embarrass. "You can stop playing—"
Ranma snaked her arms around his neck and kissed him again. "Playing?" Another kiss. "I'm insulted, Ryoga." And another. "You make it sound like I don't mean it." Again. "I really am trying sooo hard." And again. "But you just keep talking, and I can't have that, can I? It's just the same thing from you, again and again and again." She went for his ear, which earned her a cute little yelp. "'Ranma, prepare to die.' 'Because of you, I've seen hell.' Can't you come up with something—"
With his arms still tied above him, Ryoga leaned in and kissed her fiercely. Ranma was pleasantly surprised: Ryoga didn't take the initiative when he was flustered. At least not since that time in the furo…
A while after his tongue snaked its way into her mouth, they came up for air. "How's that for a mix up?" Ryoga smiled confidently, with a blush still staining his cheeks.
Ranma did not giggle, because that was girly, but she could see someone confusing the sound that came out of her for one. "So you can teach a pig new tricks." The purr, on the other hand, was all her. "Let's find out how many." She wrapped herself around him tighter, and—
Before she got the chance to, Ryoga closed the distance again. Ranma wanted to bite back, and force things to be on her terms as they usually were, but his lips were doing a very good job of distracting her…
The sun was setting when they finally broke apart. Even hidden deep in the forest, it was a pretty sight, illuminating the leaves with an almost orange hue. Like the seasons' change had come early.
"Oi, Ranma."
She adjusted her head against Ryoga's lap. The jerk's pants were itchy at the knees. "Yeah?"
"I've noticed something these past few weeks." He said as he looked up at the stars.
"That's a first."
"Shut it." He punched her arm. "Whenever I come over for a fight, you're sometimes a boy and sometimes a girl."
Ranma snorted. "That is what a gender curse will do to ya, pork-breath."
"Shut it, I said!" Another jab. "But by the time we get far enough from Nerima to start making out, you've almost always found a way to turn into a girl." Ryoga rolled her over so he could look down into her eyes. "Why is that?"
"What, you don't like the prettiest girl you ever saw giving your lips a once over? You want a devastatingly handsome guy?" Ranma laughed. "If I wasn't both people, I might be offended."
Ryoga wasn't falling for it. "We've done this six, seven times in the past three weeks, Ranma. You've been a guy once."
She scoffed and looked away. "Little piggy wants some—"
"Ranma, you know I like both of your bodies. I don't care which this happens with." Ryoga rolled her back. "You know that, right?"
His eyes were straightforward and honest. That told her she could trust anything he said, because he couldn't conceive of how to lie to her about this. "Y-yeah…" Ranma bit her lip. "It's just that…I'm a girl sometimes, and you're constantly hitting me into water, and—" She sighed. "Look, I just want to do it as a girl, alright?"
Ryoga's eyebrow quirked, like he wanted to say something. Ranma sighed. "Out with it, dumbass."
"...It just feels weird, that's all. Like…"
"Like what?"
"...Like you're trying to avoid kissing me as a guy."
Ranma leaned up and glared. "And I said it's 'cause I just wanna be a girl while we do this!"
Ryoga backed off. "Okay, okay! I believe you!"
"You'd better." Ranma jumped upright and rolled out her neck. "And 'cause of that stupid question, you're getting your ass kicked by a girl."
"Oh yeah? Where is she?" Ryoga cracked his knuckles. "You're always going on about how you're a man."
"I—that—" Ranma's eyes narrowed. "Don't confuse me, you…!"
His grin turned shit-eating. "S'matter, cat got your—"
And with that, Ranma kicked Ryoga upside the head. "You're dead, piggy."
Despite the bravado, this fight was a far more laid back affair, with the two trading simple kicks and punches, all thrown, dodged, and parried more out of reflex. A quick spar to end the night after a long day. Relaxing, in its own way. Automatic enough to let the mind wander...
Who did Ryoga think he was, asking her something like that? After he decided to come out and have them start wandering off to make out, the [ig had the nerve to complain that he was making out with a hot chick most of the time? Ranma knew Ryoga didn't seem to care as much about being called gay, but that was just because he could wander off to another part of the country whenever he wanted to, and not have to deal with the fallout of being caught.
Or maybe his years of wandering alone had left his understanding of how men were supposed to act as screwed up as his sense of direction. He was mostly alone on the road, so it would stand to reason that he didn't get a proper education. Unlike Ranma, who had been taught about those sorts of things by her…father…
Lack of proper teachers aside, she hadn't been lying. Ranma really did prefer to have their rendezvous as a girl. It was simpler to play off as some bullshit on the off chance that someone spotted them and made the wrecking crew go nuclear, plus she wouldn't have to worry about wayward observers gossiping about "those two gay martial artists".
Because she wasn't gay. Not a chance. Even if she had made out with Ryoga in the tub, and that one time afterward, that didn't mean anything. It was just her male side acting out excess female hormones, or something.
Ranma liked women, after all. Despite her terminal unsexiness, she could admit Akane was attractive, in her own way. Shampoo was quite cute, and Ukyo had a girlish charm all her own. Even Kodachi, when she wasn't cackling or trying to poison everyone, could look quite pretty.
And at least the brainrot Ranma's curse was inflicting on her was contained to one attraction. It wasn't like she was getting dolled up and chasing after boys. Or spending all her time dressing and talking all girly, renouncing the art, and daydreaming about her future marriage. Or worse, having wet dreams about Kuno. It was a good thing none of those things ever happened.
Ranma reached forward to strike, but was caught off guard by her own feet—somehow, she had overextended, and nearly tripped.
Ryoga tilted his head. "What was that, Ranma?"
She put her feet back where they were supposed to be. "Nothin'. Just something that would have worked as a guy. Different balance, and all."
"Why don't you change back then?" Ryoga asked. "If something is throwing you off, I won't complain if you take a minute to get some hot water." He added a subtle eye-roll. "And it'll keep you from whining about how you totally would have won."
"Screw you, P-chan. I'll beat your ass in both bodies." Ranma stuck her tongue out. "'Sides, that means I need more practice switching between forms."
Ryoga snorted, and their duel resumed.
…But he was right, wasn't he. Ranma had been deliberately dodging these…moments, they were having in her guy form.
It hadn't been deliberate, at least not at first. Ryoga came around when she was a girl the first few times, so she stayed as a girl. And then when he managed to stumble back into Nerima when he had been a boy, they'd done everything the same: they'd fought their way into a quiet little corner of Nerima, started kissing, parted ways after a while, and then…
And then Ranma had felt guilty. Really guilty.
She had felt some guilt after her visits with Ryoga as a girl, mostly to her three fiancės. After all, she had kind of sort of cheated on them. But it had been kind of easy to brush that aside. After all, this was her girl form acting up, and it didn't really count because she was actually a he, even if she was going out of her way to hook up with Ryoga and was actively hiding it from everyone else in her life. And at a certain point, she was going to break at least two hearts.
…Damn it all. She was a huge asshole, wasn't she. At least Ryoga had only used his curse to break one person's trust...
Ranma brushed those concerns aside for now to focus back on the guilt she wasn't feeling right now.
It had been…existential. Paralyzing. It had felt like there were a thousand eyes barrelling down on him. Judging him. Calling him a freak, a weirdo, and a deviant. His thoughts roamed to his father, and wondered about how he'd react…and found he didn't really care about his pop's feelings on the subject. It provided some momentary relief.
And then he had thought of his mother.
Saotome Nodoka, who until recently he thought to be dead. His mother, who had patiently waited for well over a decade to meet him again. Who, under pain of death, expected him to be a man amongst men. A stalwart, a paragon, a son to make her proud where Genma had so clearly failed. A woman he had only met in disguise a few short months ago. Who even still, he wanted to make happy. If she found out that her son was gay, that he was kissing another boy, that he wouldn't give her the grandchildren she so clearly wanted, that she had been expecting…
Ranma couldn't imagine what she would say. But in that moment, he knew he'd prefer her to chop off his head then learn.
Ranma tripped again. This time Ryoga didn't pause, and punched her across the clearing.
There was also the more big-idea explanation. Her male self was tugged in so many different directions by honor and expectations. Engaged to three plus who knows how many more girls. Constantly barked at and challenged by a swarm of losers, idiots, and sadists. Expecting him to be this and that. Move at everyone else's pace. Work for their future. It was tied into the guilt about the engagements, she supposed.
But her girl half was fake. Nothing it did counted, because it shouldn't exist in the first place. No one cared about it, because it couldn't marry a girl Genma had promised Ranma to for some quick cash. And so, if no one had any expectations for it, Ranma could do what she wanted in it. No one cared when she talked up some shopkeep for free food. No one cared when she made kissy-faces at Kuno or Ryoga so she could steal a wishing sword or sneak a peek at their new technique. So why should anyone care if she made out with a boy as a girl? While Ranma was off gallivanting in it, she might as well not exist.
In fact, these past few fights had done wonders for Ranma's mental health. No worrying about fathers breathing down her neck, no worrying about whatever nonsense the fiancės had cooked up, no worrying about any of the regular stupid bullshit life chose to throw into her lap without regard for her health and safety.
It was her, Ryoga, and the art. The only guy who could keep up with her in a fair fight. The only guy she didn't have to worry about going easy on. There were no stakes, no marriage proposals, no Akane dangling from a tower on a stick. Just pure combat.
And after she won once again, Ranma could relax and explore a whole new set of sensations with her boy toy. And now that she could press her hands against his well-muscled chest or run her tongue over his cute little fangs whenever she wanted, Ranma barely ever got distracted by the thoughts that had started this whole mess in the first place.
And maybe all of this was a big hoax. Maybe Ryoga had gotten hit by the koi rod this time. Or maybe it was the out of control love potion Ranma had first thought it was. But whatever this relationship was, she was enjoying it.
Hell, it could even be a little trick she was pulling on poor old Ryoga. Using her feminine wiles to give herself some time off from all the crazy. Insurance for the next time he invented a new technique that she needed to steal. It wasn't like he'd be able to hide it from his girl-who-is-a-friend, right? All she needed to do was bat her eyes, push her chest up a little bit, and ask very nicely for him to please share—
Ryoga's fist collided with her face. "Stop spacing out, Saotome!" He huffed. "You've been all over the place today. What's wrong with you?"
She grunted, and rubbed her nose. "Guess I have been losing focus." She sighed, and relaxed her posture. "I'm about done here. Wanna call it a day?"
"Sure why not." He smirked. "You get to quit while you're ahead, and I win this round!"
"Puh-leeze." Ranma made a show of rolling her eyes and poked his belly. "You were barely passable. Lay off the dumplings, pork chop."
And right on cue, Ryoga's stomach growled. Which made Ranma's stomach growl. "Yeah, that'll do it. Wanna come get dinner?"
He crossed his arms. "What, like a date?"
"Only if you're paying, Ryoga-kun." Ranma made a show of going doe-eyed. "Or is my bum of a friend out of cash again?"
His lips soured. Ranma laughed, and grabbed his hand. "Come on, pig-brain. I'm sure pops hasn't swallowed everything."
They walked through the alleys and streets, hand in hand. To the average observer, they looked like a young couple. To those in the know, they looked like a martial artist and her pet idiot. And to each other…
Ranma wasn't ready to put a label on whatever they now had. Best to let everyone else see what they wanted.
She sighed as they waited for a light to change. Ryoga was barely paying attention, humming a little tune, happy as can be. Ranma wondered if he could even use his Shishi Hokodan at this point, with it being powered by his depression. She hadn't seen him use it in any of their recent fights…
Though upon thinking about it, her rival was acting funny. Or even more then he already was, on top of how he usually was. His questions...Ryoga was already a weirdo, but to just come out and ask something like that…
The light turned green, and Ranma tugged the lost boy across the street before ducking into an ally. "Hey, Ryoga."
"Yeah?"
"How come you asked me why I wasn't a boy when we were making out?"
Ryoga stopped in his tracks. "What?"
"Don't make me repeat myself, P-chan." Ranma rolled her eyes.
"I—I don't k-know, I just did." Ryoga blushed and stared down at his feet. "I-I just, I just wanted to try and make you feel comfortable."
"But if we kissed again as boys, we'd be—I mean—" And suddenly Ranma found herself studying a nearby wall. "You'd be gay, you know? You don't have a problem with that?"
"Of course not!" Ryoga shouted, before clamping a hand over his own mouth. "I-I mean, that's not a problem for me. I thought we settled that, in, you know…" He jerked his neck. "The furo."
Ranma bit her lip. If he didn't have a problem with it now, did that mean… "Have you always liked my guy half?"
Color fled Ryoga's face. "What?"
"All this time, whenever you tried to beat me up, were you secretly hiding a huge crush on me?" She raised her eyebrow, and then let out a laugh when a funny thought crossed her mind. "Hell, were you secretly hoping to jump in my bed as P-chan?"
"I-I-I-I-I-" Ryoga continued to stutter. Ranma was about to let it go, but then the words "bed" and "P-chan" brought a few memories to the surface.
"...Jealous? Me?" Ranma tried. "Of a pig?"
"No, of me." Akane rolled her eyes.
"...Were you trying to make me jealous? Of Akane?" Ranma's tone was incredulous. "All those times you were being held by her, sharing food with her, all of it…was it to make me jealous?"
"I would never use Akane like that!" Ryoga hissed. His face was a ripe red. "And I will have you know that I never took you lightly, or pulled my punches, or, or, or—!"
"No doubt." Ranma muttered. She could still feel another loose thread…
And then it came to her. "Holy shit, did you chase after me to China 'cause of your crush? Did you like me all the way back then, before I even had the curse?"
Who chased someone for two years over some bread and a missed challenge? Even rock-stupid Ryoga wouldn't do something like that, unless…
Unless it wasn't just anger that was driving him when he started.
Ryoga had been sputtering, but he went dead silent with that question. Ranma poked him with her free hand a few times. He didn't react, and just continued to stare at her with big, confused eyes. "Ryoga? Buddy?" She tried pulling him, but his feet were stone too.
Ranma pressed her lips together. "Hey man, it's okay." She placed her hand on his shoulder. "It doesn't matter what you answer. I'll think you're the same obnoxious, stupid, tough-as-nails asshole you always were either way." He still wasn't moving. She gave his cheek a little slap. "Come on, man, I—"
"I-I don't k-know." Ryoga shot out.
"You…don't know?" Ranma's brow furrowed.
"I don't k-know." Ryoga repeated. "I just…I…"
Her hand was cupping his cheek. "How can you not know?"
"I just don't!" Ryoga snapped. "Remembering that far back is hard, and a lot of stuff was happening back then! I was just starting to really get lost, and..." His head shook. "You just feel like being a giri, and I just don't know! It's that simple!" He swiped his hand through the air. "Lay off me, okay? It was hard enough to admit that!"
Ranma frowned. She wasn't satisfied. Not in the least bit. But Ryoga was shivering in her hands, so there was only one thing to say. "...'Kay." She reached up and kissed him, which seemed to do wonders for his nerves. "Maybe your curse is like mine, and it screws with your head, even more than it already is. Pigs don't know how to process people emotions, right? It is a curse, after all."
Now it was Ryoga's turn to look confused. "What are you talking about?"
"My girl form. It screws with my head. It made me think you were hot. Started bleeding into my guy form too." She shrugged. "And here we are."
His eyebrows knitted together. "My curse doesn't do that."
Ranma shot him a look. Ryoga cut her off before she could retort. "I've spent weeks as a piglet wandering through forests and mountains. I'd notice if I suddenly got a sudden urge to dig with my nose or flop around in mud."
"I've seen you be pretty piggish."
"And I haven't seen you start picking flowers or paint your nails."
"Well, maybe your curse is just defective!" Ranma huffed and crossed her arms. "Because I can tell you for a fact that I didn't have a crush on you back then, or when you showed back up! It was only after I spent more time as a girl that I started…" She made a gesture. "...'noticing' you!"
"Ranma…" Ryoga started.
She cut him off. "I'll have you know that I never thought about kissing any guy till two months ago! My girl side poisoning my brain over time is the only explanation that fits, because I'm not, and never have been, gay!"
"Ranma—" He tried again, this time with a patronizing edge.
"Don't 'Ranma' me, P-chan!" She snapped. "Don't treat me like that! I'm not your girlfriend, and I'm not a girl! All this, this sneaking off to kiss each other, it doesn't count, okay? It's just something that's happening, and that's gonna stop happening as soon as I get whatever this is out of my system!"
Ryoga's eyes blazed, and he reached out and grabbed Ranma by her shoulders. "Ranma!" He shouted.
Her hands shot up, ready to peel his arms off her at a moment's notice. "What!"
Ryoga exhaled loudly. He looked like he wanted to throw her into the wall headfirst. Which was just fine with Ranma, more Kasumi leftovers for her after she sent him packing.
Then his expression softened. "I just…" He exhaled again, much more calmly. "Whichever form you're in, for however long you want to keep going, I'm happy with it all. I promise."
Ranma blinked, confused at the sudden shift. "...You sure you're okay, Ryoga? This is usually the part where we kick each other through a few buildings, and then I beat your ass."
"Yeah. But I realized, over these past few weeks, with us running away to fight and then kiss…" Ryoga gave a lighthearted chuckle. "Even after everything you put me through, all the pain and humiliation you've caused, you're my best friend, Ranma. Since forever. You're the guy I can always count on to have my back or make sure I get home safe no matter how lost I get." His grip was firm and warm. "Whatever happens between us, you mean a lot to me. Maybe the m-most." His smile was framed by a brilliant blush. "And whatever happens, I don't want that to change. Not for our parents, or any of your crazy fiancės, or anything else in the whole world."
Heat slowly settled across Ranma's cheeks, and she could feel her heart beat faster under the lost boy's eyes. That feeling that had been plaguing her since the start of this whole mess was back again with force, even as Ryoga's cute fangs slowly faded with his smile and his eyes lost some of their confident sparkle.
"R-ranma? Are you okay?"
She was cold and hot at the same time, and bursting at the seems to do something. Or more accurately, have that something done to her.
Well, if the past few weeks had taught her anything, the best cure was right in front of her. "Shut up, Ryoga." She grabbed his collar, leaned back up on her tiptoes, and kissed him straight on the lips.
Despite stuttering at the start, Ryoga managed to salvage things. He leaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around her hard and tight, but still soft enough to let her return the favor. His warmth pressed into her with enough fierceness to chase away the cold night air, and his lips were smooth and inviting, insisting that she taste them again and again.
And then it was over. Ranma stepped back, letting out a long breath and curled her arm against his. "Let's get out of here. Leftovers are probably getting cold."
Ryoga was rubbing the back of his head, a blush still coloring his cheeks. "Y-yeah…"
"I really do steal your breath away, huh?" Ranma stuck her tongue out as she turned back towards the Tendo Dojo—
And saw Akane standing at the end of the alley, staring dead-eyed at both of them.
Happy Valentine's Day! Or the weekend after, or even later then that, whenever you find yourself reading this. And haven't we all been in this exact situation before? Caught necking with your greatest rival by one of several fiancės you have, while busily contemplating gender identity and the crushing weight of societal and family obligations? No?
In any case for those lucky few, please be sure to share how you cleverly got out of that fine mess, because Ranma is definitely going to need that advice, and fast.