A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

222. Chapter 224

Merlin Pendragon could honestly say, for the first time in quite a while, that he was not sure what to say to his own husband. Usually, Merlin was at the ready and armed with a multitude of backhanded comments that were meant to keep Arthur at a fair bit of distance. But after seeing the prince lay Jacqui out with one single blow to the ribs, and then keep going just because he could since nobody was stopping him, Merlin was… weirded out. He had aching pain in his throat and bruises near his eye and his elbow was shooting this pin and needle sensation fiercely, and yet, Arthur beating the shit out of Jacqui would still be the weirdest thing that had happened today. But when somebody has the man they had been sure was planning their murder right in front of them, and then it turns out that he WASN'T planning your murder and was actually interested in murdering the real wannabe killer… it was liable to feel as if you had gotten dropped into an alternate reality. One where up was down and down was now all twisted and sideways was flipped over and killers weren't actually planning your murder their hand… it was just pretty weird over all and Merlin didn't even know where he was supposed to start on figuring out how this changed things.

Was it going to change things?

No.

Absolutely not.

Merlin could admit it, he had been a little more than put off when he'd been in the midst of being checked over by Lancelot and Gaius and saw Arthur as the prince had approached him. He had been… blindsided by Arthur's appearance, sudden as it had been, in his little bubble of space. It was like one minute, the consort had figured the next time he saw Arthur, it could very well be when the prince had a blade in his hand and preparing to slit Merlin's throat from ear-to-ear. And then he had learned Jacqui was the real mastermind behind what was happening, and Merlin was left… blindsided probably was the best word to be used here as well. What else could Merlin have called it when his husband had been standing two inches in front of him, his eyes roving across all of Merlin's injuries and looking… stricken. Not even Merlin, as ready as he always is when it comes to throwing Arthur under the carriage, had been able to deny Arthur's horrified expression. Of course, it could always mean that Arthur's horror had come simply from not being the one who had knocked Merlin around, and that was what Merlin found himself leaning towards anyway. Like he had figured out during his fight with Jacqui… if Arthur wasn't trying to murder him, then it had to mean the prince was still as obsessed with him as he's always been. Arthur never did seem to like it when his possessions were touched, loathed as Merlin was to call himself such.

But then Merlin had done something that was reckless of him…

Something he hadn't allowed since he had decided he was done dealing with Arthur's crap…

He had allowed Arthur to touch him.

To test him.

To see what would happen and how the prince was going to react.

If he wasn't a cold blooded husband murderer, then what the hell was he?

Arthur had taken one look at the marks around his throat and placed a hand on the bruises, so achingly gentle that Merlin almost wasn't sure if it was there at all. The prince hadn't been wearing his gloves though, so it was the bare flesh of Arthur's hand that had touched his neck, the heated flesh of skin broken up only by the metallic feeling of Arthur's wedding ring, and it had caused shivers to roil it's way down Merlin's spine that was… both unpleasant and yet not. The consort didn't like the touch, too used to it meaning Arthur was trying to cause him pain, but… he didn't push it away either. It wasn't hurting, which had been honestly, such a strange concept that Merlin found it a little hard to figure out himself what was going on between them. Or at least it hadn't been hurting till Arthur had prodded at one of the bruises, and pain had erupted, the sore and aching muscles throbbing as if to remind himself that there was still a killer in the room. And Arthur had actually been pissed about it. Merlin had stood there watching when the prince's expression had grown dark, his hand snatching off of Merlin before he could do anymore damage, and Merlin had seen murder in his eyes.

Pure unadulterated murder.

Merlin had known he was practically signing Jacqui's death warrant, but when Arthur had asked him who had done it… he had actually told him, even though Merlin would have usually made him work for it before telling him anything. To be honest, Merlin hadn't been sure what he had wanted to see. And even after Jacqui had started choking on his own teeth and crying tears that looked as if they were blood and holding himself as if his ribs had shattered just as all the bones in his hand had been, he still wasn't sure what he had wanted to watch from Arthur. Beating a man half to death wasn't exactly something that Merlin would have called… enticing. It had downright been the grossest and probably one of the most horrific things he had seen in all his nineteen years. It'd been ranked right up there with the first time Merlin had seen a sorcerer end up on the chopping block. But there was something about the scene, about how the prince had turned wrathful on his behalf, that hadn't allowed him to turn away from it. It wasn't as if Arthur hadn't beaten people up before… the prince had practically ruined any confidence his new recruits had after he had practically tortured them in that training session a month ago for disrespecting Merlin by treating him like a servant who was meant to clean their dirty boots. It is very likely that Merlin was suffering some kind of brain injury considering how long his air had been cut off when Jacqui had been choking him to death, or maybe Merlin was still reeling from the whole… Arthur wasn't trying to kill him, that is making him fill so off-kilter.

And then Jacqui had been talking about yellow eyes.

It struck Merlin down cold.

Even when he had been so close to death for the second time in two months, it was still something that caused his insides to freeze.

Sorcery.

Him.

Hadrian.

Draconis.

Luna.

Ginevra.

There were five magic users standing in this very room, with a good bunch of knights that wouldn't hesitate to take them all out one by one until the flow of their blood stained the the gold that stretched from one wall to the other. The talking of yellow eyes were not a joke. People had been burned and forgotten about for things even less than that. People had turned in their neighbors and friends and even family for less things than believing they had seen the wicked gold of sin and depravity dripping like melted wax from the eyes of a sorcerer, or so that was the way that people liked to tell it. And while Jacqui must have gotten a glimpse of either Ginevra's eyes when she had been pelting him with objects flying through the air, or Merlin when he had used his own magic so he could bring the goblet he had been desperately reaching for into his hand, the consort had never before stood in a room that had so much magic lingering in the air and hovering about in a world unseen by Arthur and his men.

Not even Merlin could see it.

But he could feel it.

The flow of magic that thrummed in his veins.

The flow of magic that connected him to his kin, like all magic users should be in one way or another.

Merlin wondered if the others could feel it too.

Merlin wondered if they understood how much he was risking when he lied to Arthur about Jacqui having a concussion.

Merlin liked to think they did.

Especially when he saw Ronald giving him a solid nod over Arthur's head when the prince went back to punching Jacqui, keeping his sister firmly behind him so she wouldn't attract the wrong attention when her magic was still so raw…

Merlin had to protect them…

It was the only thing that he had to do…

Maybe this was Merlin's destiny… becoming their consort and going living with the hell he's gone through so that they can survive on…

Maybe that was just too deep of a thought for Merlin to get into right now.

Merlin didn't know when the other knights finally decided enough was enough when it came to Arthur punching Jacqui, but between one punch and the next, Hadrian and Draconis were there. They didn't say a word as they grabbed onto one of Jacqui's arms, which caused Arthur to stop as they lifted him up till his top half was hanging between them and his long legs were sprawled out under him. The prince stepped back, a small scowl on his face and knuckles busted up and bleeding between the cracks… Merlin didn't think he had ever seen the prince bleeding before. It was usually Merlin that was dealing with blood in one manner or another. Arthur had always seemed… untouchable in that way. Sure, Merlin had seen Arthur get his scratches here and there, mostly from Merlin's own hand. But seeing that Arthur was the cause of his own injuries was just as strange as Merlin allowing the prince to touch him. The little droplets of blood that dripped from Arthur's hand and staining the floor had Merlin's eye caught in a trance.

"I think, Prince Arthur, that it would be best for us to deal with this incident on our own instead of having him carted before the royal court to be given proper punishment. I don't think it will be very productive to have him traveling to the castle in the same party that Consort Merlin is traveling in. I am sure that you can imagine how distressing something like that would be considering the real extent of his injuries." Hadrian said pointedly, keeping a tight hold on Jacqui's wrist as if the man might slip through his fingers if he loosened up. And Jacqui groaned loudly, the weak sound reverberated throughout the room, and it was surprising, the consort thought as he jolted his attention back to the steward. He had been sure that Jacqui must have been knocked out out during Arthur's onslaught, but though one of his eyes was so swollen and purple that there is no way he could actually see out of it, Merlin noticed that there was a slit there so perhaps Jacqui actually was awake and aware on some level of what's been going on around him. "Steward Jacqui has been treating many of us unkindly for years now, though he has never gone this far before. And as I am sure that you must have noticed, he has also hurt one of our own. Ws would like him to face justice here, so that she can rest in peace knowing that he isn'f going to be coming after her again."

Hadrian waved his other hand to where Ginevra was standing behind Ronald, which caused the girl to shrink in on herself uncharacteristically. Perhaps she was scared that her magic was going to be on display for the prince to notice, but the only thing anybody really noticed was the giant red splotch across one side of her face from where Jacqui had back handed her when she had came to Merlin's aide. And glancing around the room at all the people involved with what was going on, Merlin was able to start connecting the dots… execution. It was what Hadrian meant when he said Jacqui should be punished there for the sake of Ginevra. They were planning on executing Jacqui for what he had done to Merlin and Ginevra. Merlin had never had somebody DIE after they had tried to do something to him. Demoted, yes. Jailed, yes. Banished, yes. But taken to a chopping block… Merlin's throat closed up in a way that didn't have anything to do with the strangulation he had endured. Was it murder… or was it getting justice? Were they murdering Jacqui… or were they making sure Jacqui could not spill his secret. Yes… that was it, Merlin thought as his eyes subtly grew a bit wider. That was why Hadrian was trying to make sure Jacqui got what was coming to him right here. Nobody seemed interested in hearing what had been the cause for Jacqui's violence, but they were all interested in making sure the steward didn't see the light of day again. Because if Jacqui made it to Camelot in one piece, then it was quite possible that the king would hear wind of Jacqui speaking about yellow eyes. Jacqui's survival was risking all of them. Not just Ginevra but the entire coven, those with magic and those without. Uther would have came and he would have wiped them all out with or without the proof that came from a dead man walking.

Jacqui's survival was too big for any of them to risk.

For any of them.

Merlin's hands clenched in fists at his sides, and he looked away.

Bile burned in his throat, which only aggravated his injuries.

Sacrifices needed to be made…

Merlin didn't think he liked what was happening to him.

What would his mother think if she could see him now?

Merlin spoke anyway.

"I think that Jacqui doesn't need to come to Camelot with us. I for one, really have gotten sick of being involved in trials in which I am in the center of. And… I know how Ginevra would feel if he did come with us. Never knowing when or if your tormentor will come out of the shadows the first time you finally start to drop your guard. Sometimes it's… easier seeing with your own eyes what has become of them. Just hearing about the aftermath doesn't always give you the proper comfort that you need in order to move on." Merlin said carefully before looking up from the ground. He almost regretted it when he saw everyone was watching him, though there was nothing like the fire dancing in his veins when his eyes connected with Arthur. His biggest tormentor. His reason for forcing himself to be as strong as he needed to be. He looked away again. "If Knight Hadrian and his people are willing to take care of the problem for us, then we should take him up on the offer. I mean… after what he did to me, and to my face… he will only be executed anyway, will he not? For attacking a royal? Why not just cut out the middle man and… make sure he won't get another chance to do something worse."

Merlin held himself stiffly, and he could feel Gaius squeezing his hand around his elbow… was this a sign of comfort? Because he knew how much Merlin was struggling with being… an active part of this man's death, as horrible as Jacqui turned out to be. Or was it a sign of contrite… because Gaius didn't like seeing what Merlin was being forced to do. Merlin would have to tell him everything at some point. He needed to know that Merlin wasn't turning… hard… to make the decision he had just made. Jacqui was… a terrible man and the world was only going to be a better place without somebody like that roaming it. But he was a human being still. That didn't mean much though, of course… Arthur was also a human and Merlin's wished his end would come more than he had wished for anybody else. Some people just… weren't good. And dying was a mercy for the rest of them. But with Merlin's hand being the one that held the axe… he could feel the weight of it settling on his shoulders. But what was the alternative? He could let them take Jacqui to Camelot with them, and then watch when Uther razed this place to the ground until the family of six that have made this place their home was forced to run or be taken captive. He had to protect them, had already sworn to himself that he would and that was even why he was forcing himself to return to Camelot to begin with, but why did it have to be so hard to do the things that needed to be done. Some choices were easy, he supposed, while others… others would haunt him.

Fuck, his throat felt raw and talking scraped it painfully.

It burned.

But his heart burned more.

A bleeding heart, his mother would have called him.

Where he even felt sorry for somebody who had tried to kill him.

"You know, my father would want to make a public spectacle out of Jacqui just to ensure that nobody would be dumb enough to attack a member of the royal family again. He would have Jacqui thrust up onto the chopping block as soon as we returned and told him what happened here, no trial necessary since the scene he caused drew everybody into this hidden room. Attacks like this aren't something that should be taken care of quietly, because how else will anybody learn that the Pendragon family is not to be trifle with? My father would string him up in the catacombs himself if the attack had been on him. And if it was I who had been attacked, then let's just say that this man would not be continue to breathe by the time that I was done. But he didn't attack my father, nor did he attack me. He attacked my consort. And the whole reason that we had the trial for Bryon and Julian was to prevent attacks like this from happening. I do think that Jacqui deserves… far more than to be seen as a man bold enough to attack somebody in a position of power above them."

Merlin's body drew up tighter than the drawstring of a bow, a hiss threatening to break through his lips. Here he was, somehow still standing while he was all sore and aching, mostly in places that he hadn't known were possible to ache this fiercely. He felt aa if he had just had two or three carriages ride straight on top of him, crushing him into the dirt road as his body was ripped to pieces till there was nothing left of him. His elbow was shooting stabs of pain up his arm every time he moved it, and he kept wanting to poke at the cut on his lip with his tongue even though it stung as if somebody had rubbed sand into it. Don't even get him started on his neck. He felt like, well, like somebody had tried to strangle him. And all he wanted to do was crawl into his bed upstairs to get a few blissful hours of nothing before the real world came knocking. He wanted to have a moment to mourn… to figure out how he could come to terms being a man who… who put an execution forth instead of simply watching it from the backgrounds. And bloody Arthur was going to step up and do whatever it was that his father would have done in this situation. It had taken Merlin getting rid of a small piece of his soul to condemn somebody else, and Arthur sounded as if he was going to parade Jacqui up and down the streets in Camelot, telling all the people that he was to be executed for being the shit out of Merlin. Arthur's not Merlin's would-be killer, but the prince was still going to be the reason that Merlin, and the rest of them at the estate, were damned.

One whisper of yellow eyes from Jacqui…

One barely understandable word…

And they were all dead before their pyres could be built.

"I think, that underneath these circumstances, that Jacqui had demonstrated to us all that he has no reason to be standing among us. And I, personally, do not believe I would make it to Camelot with him in tow without slicing him up on my blade in the dead of night before we even get to the borders. He would not be anything more than dead weight forcing us to cart him through a forest with untold dangers lurking behind the shadows." Spoke the prince, his voice growing dark as he growled out these words, sending another dark stare down at the limp steward hanging from Draconis and Hadrian. Even Merlin found his body drawing in tight at the sound of this voice. Arthur had a dark side, Merlin remembered, even if that dark side didn't include trying to murder him. It was still there, and Jacqui's injuries were a testament to that. Tragedies could have followed that tone. "The only fitting punishment seems to be what my consort wants. Jacqui should die without anybody hearing his name or knowing who he was. He wanted to cause pain, and the only thing he succeeded was being the cause of his own demise. You have my permission. I want you to take him from the gates so that his blood doesn't stain another inch of my consort's estate. I want him dead before the hour ends."

Merlin froze up, his eyes going wide as he flicked his gaze between Arthur and the other knights. His ears were ringing… maybe he had taken too many hits to the head during his fight with Jacqui, or maybe Arthur had really just… agreed to do what Merlin had said. Arthur NEVER agreed doing anything that he said. It just wasn't something the prince ever did without a fight. But doing this, was also something that would defy Uther. Executions and the like happened to be the one thing that only the king could sanction. Not even Arthur had the power to override that. Uther would be furious should wind of this actually got to him. Merlin had simply been on the wrong side of desperate to have suggested it in the first place. But now, Hadrian and Draconis were nodding their heads to the prince's orders and Jacqui was going to be dead in an hour. Jacqui was going to be dead in an hour because Merlin had opened his mouth and asked for it to be done. It suddenly seemed as if it was too fast, and not as if it was real. This man was going to be dead. Merlin had almost been killed by this man and now it was him that was going to be dead. It was all just so… surreal. Just as it was so surreal that Arthur wasn't actively trying to kill him. He still wasn't sure how he was meant to unpack that little fact. It left Arthur being a new man, and yet, the same one that he's always been. Only now, he was ordering executions on Merlin's behalf.

"NO!"

Merlin nearly jumped out of his skin, pain shooting up his elbow once again… he was pretty sure Jacqui had pulled the muscles out of place… when the yell happened. He had been so busy worrying about himself, and worrying about all of the other sorcerers hiding in plain sight in this room, and trying to figure out who Arthur was if he wasn't aiming for Merlin's life, that he failed to notice Jacqui had started waking up. Or at least, Jacqui seemed a bit more aware of what going on than he has been ever since Arthur started beating him to the ground. His purple colored busted eye was swishing back and forth as Hadrian and Draconis were dragging him towards the door. They were probably going to be the last thing Jacqui ever saw before he died. Merlin was probably going to be the last thing that Jacqui ever saw before he died. And that… wasn't the greatest feeling in the world. Merlin might not be holding the axe, but it didn't abate feeling like he was. He was holding this man's life in his hand, but he is also holding his life and the life of six others. He couldn't risk all of them for a man that had already proven he was insane and would turn on them at the first opportunity

"NONONONO! Please, sire! Do not do this! Something's happened! It's them! It is the two of them! The girl and the consort! They've turned me into this! They used their wicked arts and turned me into this! They are going to ruin you, my prince, please! They will change you as well if you allow them too! Don't let the two of them do this to me!" Jacqui wailed, his words slurred from the bleeding wound that was his mouth, trying to jerk himself free from the relentless hold of the knights, but he was too injured to do anything more than flop around as if he was a dead fish. Merlin was holding his breath, and Gaius' hand along his arm went impossibly tight, and even Lancelot had eased himself slightly so he was standing more in front of Merlin. A barrier should things take a sharp and sudden tone… Jacqui knew. He knew what Merlin was and he also knew what Ginevra was. He had revealed them to a room full of knights that had promised to uphold the laws of the land they were on. He had, in one fell swoop, told the biggest secret this estate had been holding onto for years. A secret they have been hiding right underneath his nose all these years. "Please, my prince! You have to know that I am speaking the truth! How else did they manage to get all of you down here! How else did you manage to find us! They used their spells and their sorcery and if you let them walk, then there will be nothing that can stop them! They need to be stopped before they make changes to the land to fit more with their liking!"

Tension leaked into the air so strongly, that it felt aa if it would take only one single spark for the entire room to ignite and take them all with it. Hadrian and Draconis were still dragging Jacqui's dead weight of a body towards the door, but there was a tenseness to their soldiers that hadn't been there. Ronald and Ginevra were tense as well, in their little corner pocket of the room, as if they were hoping to fade into the background. Hermione was watching everything unfolding in front of her eyes with a serious expression, as if she was trying to figure everything out. While Luna was smiling to herself, the tips of her feet in the droplets of blood that had been spewed from either Merlin or Jacqui when they had their injuries, looking as if she might already knew what was going to happen. And perhaps she did know. But Merlin kept his gaze fashioned on the impassive back of Arthur Pendragon. Arthur hadn't been planning to kill him… he hadn't been planning to kill him… he wasn't going to kill him. But now that Jacqui was accusing them of witchcraft, now that their truth was being seen for everybody to hear… what was going to happen now? Would Arthur try to do what Merlin had figured he was planning to do all this time? Would bodies start to fall… the people who lived here at the estate would surely rise up should the prince come after him. After all, Jacqui had accused Ginevra as well, and she'd be taken out just as he would. There might very well be more bloodshed today than what's already been spilt. And Merlin wasn't sure if he could keep staying on his feet if a battle broke out. He was hardly standing as it was.

"We were all drawn down here because of an earthquake."

The muscles in Merlin's stomach had been clenched up so tightly that it tried to make newfound aches in pains in his body, but that tension seemed to be draining out of him, sagging against his uncle nearly, when he heard what the prince had said. The earthquake… Arthur wasn't entertaining not one second of whatever spiral Jacqui had been trying to tell him. Because he believed that the earthquake that had shaken the entire estate until it felt like it was going to be leveled to the ground had been nothing but a simple earthquake with horrid timing. Or good timing, depending on how you looked at it. But it's not as if the prince was very well-versed in magic. Of course he would fond difficulty trying to distinguish between a regular earthquake and one that had been created by a magical interference. If Merlin didn't smell the lingering of magic—the linger of electricity in the air—then perhaps even he would have assumed it had been nothing more than the earth shaking.

"NO! IT WAS NOT JUST AN EARTHQUAKE! IT WAS NOT! ALL MY GOLD FLEW AROUND IN THE AIR! IT TRIED TO KILL ME! SHE TRIED TO KILL ME! PLEASE! I ONLY NEED TO EXPLAIN! I KNOW THAT THERE WAS MAGIC HERE! IF I… IF ITS NOT MAGIC, THEN HOW DID THE CONSORT KNOW THAT I HAD BEEN TRYING TO KILL HIM BEFORE IF HE DID NOT DO SOME SORT OF SPELL THAT MAY'VE WARNED HIM! IF HE DID NOT DO MAGIC, THEN HOW DID HE KNOW THAT MY STATUE FALLING WAS MEANT TO END HIM! IF HE DID NOT DO MAGIC, THEN WHY WAS HE WAITING FOR AN ATTACK! PLEASE, PRINCE ARTHUR! IT WAS A TRICK HE DID! HE KNOWS ALL BECAUSE HE IS NOT HUMAN! HE EVEN TRIED TELLING ME THAT HE THOUGHT IT WAS YOU TRYING TO KILL HIM! NOTHING BUT DIRTY TRICKS TO COME AT ME WITH! HE ISN'T GOING TO LET YOU LIVE IF YOU DO NOT HEED MY WORD! YOU'LL DIE AND THE LAND SHALL NOT BE THE SAME EVER AGAIN!"

Jacqui's voice came out gurgled and rough as he spits out mouthfuls of blood in his desperate and wild attempt to live for a few minutes more. But, the dark haired consort supposed… he had forfeited his life to the whims of Arthur after he had placed that first blow to Merlin. He had, as twisted as it was since this was Arthur bloody Pendragon making the final call, never been destined to see the light of the new day after all was revealed. And the only thing left of Jacqui was the sound his voice made when it echoed off the wall as the knights finally pulled him through the doors. Some of the other knights, their knights, left just to make sure that it was done. While others, like Ronald and Ginevra, and Luna and Hermione, hurried out before any attention could be turned onto them. He saw that the door remained opened, no longer sealing them away inside of the room as they heard the thumps that came with Jacqui being dragged upwards to the main part of the house and out of the drab basement area. And then… it was over. It was too late for Merlin to turn back now or try to change things to make this colossal situation something that he could live with. The breath that hid in his lungs escaped him, a soft exhale that released the tension gathering in his gut.

Jacqui was going to be dead.

And Merlin had encouraged it.

What was he supposed to do with that?

What was he supposed to do now?

"You… you thought that I was the one that was trying to kill you?"

Merlin blinked, and it was as if the real world came flying back at him, making him remember that he wasn't alone just because his would-be murderer would no longer be an issue. Pretty much everybody had gone at this point now that the main excitement had died down, and there was still much work to do with the main part of the house that had been damaged during the expel of energy that had escaped Ginevra during her greatest time of need. But Merlin was still there, as was Gaius and Lancelot and Arthur. All three of the men staring right at him with varying degrees of disbelief and shock and pain etched onto their features. So much pain that it caused Merlin's chest to ache something fierce as he suddenly remembered… Jacqui had told them he thought Arthur was the one trying to kill him. It had been one of the last thing's that man had shouted before he was gone, giving Merlin one more issue to deal with even after he is gone.

…Shit.

X

Arthur Pendragon was not sure how he was supposed to react when dealing with the sudden news he had received from somebody who had hurt Merlin in such a brutal manner. He wasn't even sure if he was understanding this right… At some point during their fight, had Merlin told Jacqui that he thought Arthur was the one that was trying to kill him? But… that would mean that Merlin had to have had some sort of inside knowledge that made him aware that he was in danger before Jacqui had actually attacked him. How could Merlin have known that his life was in danger unless there was something happening that Arthur's unaware of. And did that Merlin had kept whatever's been happening a closely guarded secret? From looking at Gaius and Lancelot's expression, it certainly felt as if they were in the same boat as him. Completely clueless as to what his consort had been hiding from them all. And yet, it was different as well. It was not Gaius or Lancelot that was being told that Merlin thought it was them that he was scared of. It wasn't them that were being told that Merlin had lived who knows how long—since they arrived at the estate, or had the other boy always thought it would be Arthur that would take him out one of these days—thinking that Arthur would do what Jacqui had tried to do.

Arthur felt stricken.

His eyes darted up and down over Merlin's form, taking in the awkward way he was holding himself, because it looked as if some parts of his body needed to be handled with more care than the others. He took in the busted up half of his face and the split lip and the bruises around his throat like a necklace, all while trying to imagine it was his hands that actually caused them. Arthur must have thought about hurting Merlin a million times since they've been married. Blood and bruises and marks that would decorate his skin like it told a story that only the two of them would know the plot to. Arthur had thought a few times about wrapping his hands around Merlin's scrawny little neck and squeezing only so tightly that it made the danger apparent. He had ACTUALLY left quite a similar bruise on Merlin's face when he had been convinced that Merlin was just some whore that kept his legs open like a business. And he still had urges… so many disturbing urges that thrummed through his veins each and every time Merlin—every second thought or so—crossed his mind. But those urges had shifted into something that was as equally as disturbing. It wasn't easy believing that marking up Merlin would make him his in the most primal of ways. But it wasn't anymore easy when Arthur's dreams were now filled with pressing kisses onto those markings as if he was trying to heal them with the power of his salvia.

And now… now Merlin was standing there and Arthur was lost.

He was trying to be good.

Trying so desperately to be good.

Why did things like this keep happening?

Why was Arthur the villain to Merlin's story?

Why couldn't he go back in time and erase every bad thing that has happened between them so that Merlin would have no reason to fear him.

"I… I…."

Merlin was stuttering, his eyes flicking between Arthur and the other two men as if he was struggling, seeming to realize something that the prince only just realized himself as well. Merlin was alone in this one. Merlin was… by himself because both Gaius and Lancelot were looking just as hurt and as lost as he's feeling. They had just arrested a murderer! His consort's murderer! Or would-be murderer. They should have been doing extensive checks to make sure the consort wouldn't have any lasting damage. Arthur should have been wrapping him up in a blanket right now so that he wouldn't be cold. And yet, it felt as if an interrogation was about to start. Merlin had KNOWN things that they didn't. And he had failed to tell either his husband, his trusted uncle, or even the very guard that he had appointed. What was even the point in Merlin having a guard of his own if he wasn't going to tell Lancelot that he thought somebody would be coming after him?! It made sense why Merlin wouldn't tell Arthur. Their past did not give Arthur the right to know anything, and Arthur knew that. It isn't as if Merlin hadn't kept things from him before, Lancelot's true heritage having to be only the most recent. But it didn't stop Arthur from feeling as if he had just had his heart gouged out of his chest. He shouldn't feel this way, Merlin's got perfectly good reasons for not coming to him. But the pain in his chest didn't abate.

"I… I figured out a few days ago that somebody was out to get me. It was the statue, you remember? The one that fell on me and tried to crush Hadrian and me that first day we were here. I did… I did a bit of thinking the next day and I talked to some of the people here and… it was pretty conclusive that the thing falling was a complete surprise to everyone. The estate's only been built for a few generations now, and the type of stone this place is made out of wouldn't have eroded enough for it to break off. I guess I could have simply been being paranoid after… after everything that's happened in the last few months. But I started theorizing that somebody could have chipped away at the stone until it was only inevitable that it would fall. Or that they might've had somebody else to do it while they pretended to be an innocent party."

While Arthur pretended to be the innocent party, the prince finished off in his head what Merlin had really been saying. He had theorized that Arthur is the one that had the statue tampered with. He had thought that Arthur had been the one to plan such a dirty handed trick like that. Wait… Merlin had known he was being threatened since the STATUE FELL?! That was… wasn't that the very first day they had been at the estate? Yes… it had been, Arthur was sure it was that day. It was the day that Arthur had challenged Lancelot to a little 'friendly' sparring match so he could show the three knights that they were wrong to be so antagonistic towards Merlin. He had been trying to show them that Merlin's able to make good decisions—even ones that included hiring a knight Arthur's been finding to be a constant infuriation despite the loyalty he's shown to the consort—and that they were wrong to challenge him the way they'd been. The prince had even lost the match on purpose, throwing a spar for what had to be the first time in his entire life, which in retrospect, would have probably proven to the knights that Merlin needed to be catered to instead of trusted had they found out. But afterwards… that was definitely when the statue had fallen and had almost killed his husband. Arthur should know. He had been terrified when he had seen it crashing to the ground, his little consort beneath it and unaware of what was happening until it would have been too late. And all of this horrible incident had happened just shy of three days ago. Three days Merlin had been watching Arthur, thinking it was him. Three days, Merlin had been waiting and expecting for Arthur to make a move against him like he used to. Three days of hell… had Merlin laid awake during the night? Had Arthur been struggling with his dreams and what they might mean while Merlin waited in his chambers for Arthur to come for him when he was supposed to be at his most vulnerable.

"But… I saved you that day. I ran across the fields as soon as I saw the statue starting to crack, and I pushed you out of the way. I… I threw us into a wall just to make sure we were a far enough distance away that we wouldn't be crushed when the statue hit the ground. I… I made sure that you were safe. Why would you… did you even think about other alternative as for who it could be? Or did you just automatically assume that it would have been me, Merlin? Did you ask yourself if there was anybody else here who might have reasons for seeing you dead? Or was I the only suspect on your list? Why would I have saved you that day if I was the one that did it? Why would I have bothered risking injury trying to get you out of the way if the entire plan was to take you out? If it was me, all I would have had to do was wait for it to land! It doesn't make any sense for me to save you if that was the case!"

Merlin was starting to look shifty, or perhaps he had always looked a little bit shifty. It was something that Merlin had always done… looking shifty. It was a look that would have had Arthur questioning them and their integrity if he had seen it on anybody else. But he was used to seeing it on Merlin. Even when the consort was telling the truth, which he always did even when Arthur wanted to not hear it, he looked shifty. Arthur wondered when he had gotten used to this expression on Merlin. He wondered why he didn't bother demanding to know if he was thinking about whether or not it was better to lie or to tell the truth. But perhaps Merlin had earned Arthur not questioning him. Perhaps Arthur did not want to question him because there was a pretty little blush working its way up to his face… the pink in his cheeks always made the blue in his eyes stand out, as if they were a shade of blue that had not been invented before now. But the color of Merlin's eyes and the color of his cheeks, that not even the marks that decorated his face were enough to make it ugly, was not something that Arthur was going to be distracted by. Only gay people would have been distracted by the changing shades of blue, and Arthur definitely wasn't that. He wouldn't be feeling so… achy in his soul if… that… was where his interests lie. He would not feel so… devastated if that was the case. Despite the terrible situation, it could at least prove Leon's line of questioning was truly wrong. If Arthur had liked his consort in such a way, he would have been willing to excuse even the worse of things he had done. Arthur would have been able to ignore the fact that it did not matter how much time had passed or what he did. He would never be seen as a… good man in his consort's eyes. He would have overlooked all of this.

"I… I thought that you were simply putting on an act. That maybe… maybe you had decided whatever obsession you had with me was over with. Or maybe it could have been that you decided killing me was the only way that you could end whatever obsession you have with me. I thought… that the only reason my life got saved was because Hadrian was there. I mean, it is one thing to try and kill me so that you wouldn't have to deal with me anymore! But it's something else entirely to actually kill one of the knights that serves your country! It was quite easy to believe that you pushed me out of the way because you wanted to make sure Hadrian didn't get caught in the crossfire of whatever you were planning! I kept… it's not hard for me to think that I would have died if Hadrian hadn't been there, because you wouldn't have bothered interfering with your own plans! Or what I thought were your plans! Or… gah, you know what I mean, Arthur Pendragon! Why would I bother looking at anybody else when you were the only one here that's actively came after me time and time again? You were the ONLY person I had in mind."

Merlin's voice was coming out all raspy again, an obvious side effect that had come with his airway being so brutally cut off, and perhaps it was a really bad idea for Merlin to be talking right now at all. In another universe, maybe Arthur would have been able to get him set up in his bed with a thousand blankets to keep him warm and a cup of warm honeyed tea to help soothe the ache in his throat. But in that universe, Arthur and Merlin's relationship wasn't something that was so fraught with tension, that he would be accused of trying to murder him. God, had this really been what they had come to?! Where Merlin believed Arthur would kill him to… to what? End the obsession that Arthur had with this boy! Arthur was literally dreaming about him! Dreaming about hot skin and silk lips and sucking that could drain Arthur's brain out through his cock. There is no going back from that! Arthur's obsession with Merlin had started the day he had met the boy, and it was only going to end when Arthur himself died. Merlin could be the one that died—over Arthur's dead body—and the prince would be having the memories of this boy haunting him. Arthur could be as conflicted as he wanted to be about his dreams. He could bury them so far deep and down into his own brain that they never saw the light of day again, repressed so far that they were nothing more than brief figments of his own personal overactive imagination. And yet, this boy would still be front and center and the only thing that Arthur was concerned about. Arthur would have… would have… would've interrogated this entire estate until he had made every person here experience a nervous breakdown TWICE until he found the true culprit. If, of course, he'd been told about the situation. But he hasn't been. Because Merlin thought that Arthur would so easily be able to get rid of him.

Never.

"And besides, can you really blame me for assuming what I did! You have been acting strange this entire trip! Ever since we all met together back in Camelot to come here, you've been acting weird! First, you gave me a literal horse and claimed it was mine to use whenever I wanted… people do not just give others horses as if it's a gift or something! But even if I'm willing to brush that off, I've been told that it's apparently not uncommon for nobles to give their partners a horse so that could just be a noble thing I wasn't privy to until now. But then it is all the other stuff that just makes your behavior all the more suspicious! The entire trip here I had you hovering over me, and while that's not exactly odd if I am talking about you, but you were LITERALLY hovering this time. You got mad at me for gathering firewood because you didn't want me to get hurt, and then you tried giving me your cloak so that I wouldn't be cold, and then you actually went out of your way just to get me the biggest piece of rabbit for dinner. And then you… you SLEPT by me that night! I still don't know what that was about, but I know it was an excuse just to be close to me. I don't know if you were just trying to watch over me or something, but the way that we woke up… I will only say that it wasn't the best way I would have woken up. So yes, Arthur, I simply think that I had every right in the world to assume that you were being so very nice to me could only be because you were making sure I didn't guess what it was that you were planning before you actually executed the plan!"

Arthur's mouth opened up and down wordlessly as he took in everything that Merlin said, all of the reasons for why he had thought Arthur was trying to do him in. Listing every nice thing that Arthur had done as if it was something that was criminal. And honestly… what was Arthur supposed to say to that, thought the prince as his face started flooding with heat. He had been a mess when he and the others had been traveling here, not wanting to leave Merlin's side for a single second. Arthur had been…determined to soften Merlin up, just as Merlin thought he'd been, though the reasons were different. Arthur had wanted to… he had wanted to get Merlin interested in kissing him. Because he had wanted to, selfishly, prove to Merlin that he could be a good kisser and give him a kiss that was far better than when Arthur had kiss-attacked him. Of course, all this was before he had another dream and Leon had had questioned him and… the prince had started keeping his distance. But… maybe there was some small bit inside of Arthur that might have actually 'enjoyed' being sweet with Merlin that had nothing to do with his kissing plan. Maybe he had liked making sure Merlin was comfortable and warm and full and had everything that he wanted. Maybe Arthur liked the idea a little 'too much' of being able to provide that. Until all of it was suddenly turned around on him. And Merlin believed that everything the prince had done was some plot to hurt him! But it's not like Arthur could speak about the real reasons, and it's not like Arthur could explain that the reason he had slept close to Merlin was because Christian had made comments that was so filthy, that the only reason he hadn't killed him right then and there was due to the questions it would invoke from Merlin if there was suddenly a dead body in their campsite. How could he have known that he was going to roll over and slide himself on top of Merlin?!

"I was… I was trying to be nice to you because of all the… the horrible things I have done to you. I… it's been two months since my eyes have been opened to how I was treating you, and nothing I was doing got your attention. Apologies weren't doing anything, and the gifts that I've given you don't do anything that helped. So I was… I was trying to be more proactive. Trying to do something to make… more of an impact on you. I never… I never thought for one second you might misconstruct what I was doing into something that is so… so horrible. It was supposed to make you see that I was serious about well… about becoming friends with you. About… forming a bond with you that I was unwilling to notice at the beginning of, well… at the beginning of us."

The lies, Arthur thought as Merlin raised an incredulous eyebrow, might not be entirely lies. He had, perhaps, desperately wanted to have Merlin kiss him, but if being nice to Merlin had made the consort realize Arthur was serious, and if he was willing to open up and be Arthur's friend… then he would not have said no to it. Admitting that though, admitting that he wanted to be Merlin's bloody friend, in front of his uncle and that guard of his, was humiliating. It caused the blush on his face to darken until it was impossible not to see. Somehow, Arthur found himself feeling more vulnerable and open than he would have felt if he'd just came right out and explained how good Arthur could make Merlin feel with nothing more than a sweet kiss! A kiss that was, in no way, the violent mess he had done to Merlin all those months ago. But Merlin was never going to let him do it, was he? It didn't matter how good or how sweetly Arthur had treated him or how much work he put into Merlin, the consort would never see him he was wanting to be seen. Merlin would never see how much Arthur really was trying, even if he had begun this week with selfish intentions of… winning the consent he had never thought he needed when it was with his own husband. The other boy was too busy building up walls around himself and closing off his heart, or bloody well trying to protect himself because he was convinced that Arthur is going to do something to him. Merlin thought he had tried to drop a thousand pound statue on him, for god's sake! Arthur couldn't… he couldn't be here! He could not stand here and look at Merlin and his busted up face and know what Merlin thought about him, know what kind of man Merlin thought he was.

"I… I think that it's best if I just go. I need to… we are leaving this place in the morning and I still need to make sure my belongings are together before we do leave. I… I'm sure that you will be just fine here by yourself. I mean, you are not by yourself. You have your uncle and you have your guard here, so I'm sure I'm not needed. They'll be here if you need anything or if you need help. You most definitely don't need somebody you see as a… as a murderer hanging around you while you are trying to heal. Or… whatever you need to do, I… I think you have made it quite clear—on multiple occasions—that I don't need to know a single thing pertaining to you. Not even your health, apparently. So yeah… I'm just going to go now and leave you to… to all of this."

Arthur waved a dismissive hand around the room, pointing out all of the gold and the blood splatters that stained the floor and the items and the wreckage that probably now belonged to Merlin as well, since it was in the manor and obviously did not belong to Jacqui. It was probably enough gold to buy Merlin whatever he wanted to get this estate off the ground, or perhaps, it was even enough to buy Merlin a one way carriage ride far away from here. Perhaps, at one point, or even just five minutes ago, Arthur would have stubbornly stayed by Merlin's side no matter how much the consort protested. He would've been as involved with everything that he could be, asking Gaius a thousand and one different questions on what could be done about Merlin's throat and what the fastest options they had for making the damage fade away. If Merlin thought he had been hovering on their trip here, then it would have been nothing when compared to how Arthur would have acted when Merlin was hurt right in front of him. But being accused of such a heinous crime… perhaps Merlin really did have every reason in the world to think Arthur had done this, and perhaps it is all Arthur's fault for him thinking that. But…Arthur honestly found it impossible to actually stand here in the same room as Merlin, staring at the abuse that he had suffered by somebody else's hands because he refused to come forward, and pretend as if Merlin hadn't thought it would be him who launched this kind of attack.

Arthur didn't know who was more surprised when he turned his back and left Merlin behind… for the first time in the five months that they've been married to the other.

Him?

Or Merlin.

X

Merlin Pendragon was feeling more surprised than when he realized that it'd been Jacqui trying to kill him off this entire time. It was incredibly difficult to not be… stunned into silence when the last thing he saw before his husband escaped through the opened doorway was… Arthur's back. Had Arthur really just… left him standing there? While he was still all broken and limp and only just able to keep standing on his own? That was… something that Merlin had not seen coming. Which was… this was a good thing, right? For as long as he had been married to Arthur, the only thing that he had ever wanted was for the man to just go away and leave him the bloody hell alone. He should be bloody seeing if he was capable of jumping up and down in order to celebrate such a momentous occasion! Arthur's whole crazy possessiveness had never allowed the man to actually walk away from him before. To be honest, after realizing it was definitely not Arthur trying to murder him, he figured the prince would be plastered to his side even worse than before now that everybody knew what's been going on. But… Arthur was actually gone. He had just up and… left. And Merlin wasn't exactly sure about… how he should take that? Should he be a bit worried about that? But… why should he be?! This was exactly what he's been wanting!

And besides… Arthur's left him before. There had been plenty of times during their past in which Arthur had turned around and left him behind, but it's only been during certain moments. When Arthur was in a particular mood because Merlin had screwed up or something. He would simply… leave because of the trouble that Merlin's caused. So Merlin was used to the prince walking out on him. Just not… like this. Maybe Merlin is only thinking too much about this, as he always did when it came to Arthur, but there had been something, a look in his eyes, that had gotten under Merlin's skin. It had felt so… final… in a strange way. Not final-final, because it wasn't as if Arthur and Merlin were never going to see each other again. They were married after all, and with Merlin returning to Camelot with them now, it would be pretty hard for their paths to not cross with the other's. Especially when the next big event rolled around that needed both of them present. But… there had been a heaviness to Arthur that made it feel final. Like Arthur, despite his possessiveness and his obsession to be with Merlin at all hours of the day, was… finally allowing him to breathe on his own?

Merlin should definitely be jumping for joy right now.

He definitely should be.

But his feet remained persistently on the ground.

Merlin was just too busy with trying to understand what little the prince said to him before he had made his grand escape from the room. Like the whole thing where Arthur had said he wanted to be Merlin's friend? That, even though the consort had never believed Arthur about his apparent change of heart, he had been being extra nice to him because he was trying to be his friend. Was that actually something that Merlin was supposed to believe? That Arthur wanted to be his FRIEND. Friends didn't do the things that Arthur had been doing. The consort had never, not once back in Ealdor, offered his friend Will his coat just because the idiot had forgotten to grab his before they would go savaging for berries growing in the woods. And maybe he and Will had shared their food a few times when the other was lacking their share of the villages provisions but neither of them would have thought to go out of their way to get the other the best piece of what they had. They would usually wrestle a bit for that piece… if the timing was right and their meager meal wasn't just a sad lump that did not look as if it would be edible. And whenever they had snuck out as boys to have a sleepover away from home without their parents permission, they had always slept close together because it got cold in Ealdor during the nights and they'd need all the warmth they could get. Needless to say, those little moments that were supposed to be 'adventures' as Will called them, had rarely happened.

Did Arthur not know how friends behaved?

Did Arthur not have any actual friends of his own that would have thought this behavior bizarre if he had done it to them?

Merlin was sure somebody like Markus would have freaked out on Arthur if he had done half of the things he had been doing to Merlin to him.

The things Arthur had been doing… they had been things somebody would do if they were in a real relationship.

Maybe if they were courting Merlin.

COURTING!

How did everything get so complicated so fast? One minute, Merlin had known with every bit of certainty he had in his body that Arthur was the one that was going to try and stab him in the back soon enough. And then it turned out that it was Jacqui all along, somebody that Merlin had hardly noticed or thought of for even a second after he was done giving them a tour of the place. And then he realized that means it's NOT Arthur trying to kill him. And Arthur apparently wasn't being nice to him because he wanted to make him drop his guard, but it was instead because Arthur wanted to be his 'friend.' And now Arthur's ran off somewhere, all upset because him and Arthur clearly had very different views on how one was supposed to behave when they were friends. Just thinking of it all made Merlin's head hurt. And he STILL wasn't sure if Arthur leaving was actually a good thing or not. Did this mean Arthur was finally going to give up his whole possessive over Merlin thing—he had to if he was leaving him, right—or if Arthur was simply taking a step back from him for the moment.

What would change if Arthur was going to give it up, properly?

Would Merlin like this change.

It had to be better than knowing and trusting that Arthur would always be right there, always near and always stalking, when he had need of him.

…

…

…

Right?

…

…

…

"I think for once, Arthur might actually have a good point about leaving for the time being. I suppose without Jacqui being around, there isn't anything Merlin needs protecting from, so I suppose that I will go ahead and take my leave too. I can… I can at least check around the perimeters a few times and check with the others to make sure that Jacqui has really been taken care of. I would not want anybody to wake up in the morning and realize he was still alive, trying to get back in the walls so that he can finish the job that he started. I suppose it's really the only thing I can do now that the actual danger is over, since I'm not a good enough knight or anything that can stop the murder attempts before it is already happening."

Merlin blinked in surprise when he saw Lancelot walking past him towards the door with both of his shoulders slumped forward as if he was utterly drained to the point of collapsing. The consort's mouth opened into a perfect 'oh' when it became apparent that Lancelot wasn't going to say anything to him… what did he mean he wasn't a good enough knight? Lancelot was an excellent knight! A good one! Probably one of the better knights here, mostly because he knew to rely on his instincts and his gut better than most knights, who would stick only to what they learned in their training even when everything inside them tried to tell them what they were doing was the wrong move. Merlin had chosen him to be his knight half BECAUSE of those good instincts. Was Lancelot upset about all of this as well, Merlin thought as a little wrinkle of worry appeared between his eyebrows. Maybe he didn't like that he had been a little too late to the fight and Merlin had gotten hurt? It WAS Lancelot's job to make sure that Merlin did not get hurt like this. So it wasn't completely crazy that Lancelot might feel as if he had failed his duties somehow, but it was hardly his fault! It's not as if any of them had been aware of how crazy Jacqui was?! And it wasn't as if anybody had known a three-way fight would have erupted in the basement, with him in the middle of it all. Lancelot just hadn't been there at the right moment during the right time, but again, that was nobody's fault! It's just where the chips had fallen.

"Lancelot, you shouldn't be talking like that! Of course you could have taken out Jacqui. I don't think it would have been much of a struggle for a knight to knock out a steward. If you had been down here when the attack started, then I already know that you would have handled the situation before anything like this could have happened to me." Merlin croaked out, bringing a hand up so he could gingerly touch at the marks against his throat, wincing in pain. Merlin's been talking way too much, and the pain that came with it was starting to get to him, and yet, he pushed himself forward to help Lancelot. "Even if the other knights do say something, then you shouldn't believe them. Because it isn't as if any of them were down here to handle the situation. I'm sure, when there's a next time somebody goes off the deep end and wants to keep me for another innate reason, you'll be right there to set things to right. Honestly, it is only a matter of time before you get your moment."

Merlin was sure that Lancelot's probably felt the same way that he's felt with this whole consort business, especially in the beginning when it's still so new and you're trying to find your footing. There was just this inherit need to prove yourself to everybody around you, but most especially to yourself. That you're able to do the job and that the people around you could rely on you to not get them killed, and to not falter under the pressure when it seemed like the other people were able to handle it just fine. Merlin's had his moments, even though he had needed to claw his way to them each and every time… like when they'd done the trial and when Merlin had risen up to Bayard. Lancelot's moment had came when he had defeated the griffin, even though the other man most likely still didn't see that it was him who had done most of the work and deserved to have the credit. Merlin had only stood on the sidelines and forced the energy in the air to work for him, hardly something to be impressed by after the initial excitement of doing a new spell for the first time. But that was only a moment. Merlin was positive that there would be a thousand more battles coming up in their future that would allow Lancelot to show off his skills.

"Merlin, don't you get it! I'm not interested in… showing off my skills or trying to prove myself to the people here anymore. I've moved on from being worried about them accepting me as being as much of a knight as they are. It's not as if they are my charge or my job or… or even my friend. I just mean…" Lancelot shook his head ruefully, his lips twisting into an almost bitter smile that caused Merlin's expression to drop in surprise. The last thing he had expected was for Lancelot to suddenly… turn on him like this. One moment, he had been walking to the door and the next… he looked as if he was upset with Merlin! And other than when Merlin had lied to him and hid his true identity as the Consort when they first met, he couldn't remember Lancelot being upset with him. Not when he had told the man the truth about his marriage, nor when Lancelot found out he was a sorcerer. He had been so… accepting of everything that came toward him, and yet, the warrior was shaking his head. "If you didn't trust me to do my job as your knight, then why did you even appoint me for this job? Was it only because of pity or something? It would have been one thing if you hadn't been aware of the threat, but if you knew, then you deliberately held the information from me! When my literally job description involves protecting you! Which isn't something that I can do if I'm not made aware! You should've came to me after you realized the statue falling had not been an accident! The second you knew about it, in fact!"

Merlin reeled back in surprise, blinking so rapidly in alarm that it made his eye start to ache from the darkening bruises. He opened and closed his mouth, as he had no idea what he was supposed to say to that, no words coming out his lips no matter how hard he tried to force it. Surely… surely Lancelot didn't truly think that Merlin had any doubts about his ability to protect him! Or had given him the job because of something like pity! Merlin had felt a lot of things when the warrior was involved, but pity had NEVER been one of them. Sadness, after learning Lancelot could never be a knight under Camelot, perhaps. Definitely devastation when Lancelot had been found out and dragged to the cells when he was being arrested for their lies. But pity… Merlin knew very well what it is like to look at somebody else and see that they pitied you. It had always made Merlin feel weak whenever he had seen that look directed at him. As if Merlin could have done better or did something different that wouldn't make people look at him and see how much he had been struggling in his past. But the man standing in front of him had always seemed far stronger than Merlin was, and the consort was not even talking about the man's skills with a blade. It takes a certain type of man to be able to deal with all the things that Merlin has been dealing with. And Merlin knew that this was only Lancelot's first 'real' mission, since coming to this manor and securing it for Merlin's arrival is the first order he's been sent on, hadn't been easy. And that was before somebody had tried to kill him off.

"Lancelot, no! Please, do not think for one second that I ever pitied you! That isn't what happened at all! I truly believe that you can become one of the best knights this land has to offer, and considering how many useless knights that Arthur's got under his control, it's only fair that I get one that is excellent! This whole situation wasn't because I doubted you could handle it. I'm sure if I did tell you, then you would have probably been able to handle it a lot better than I clearly did. This wasn't about what you could or couldn't do, though. This was about me." Merlin exclaimed, pressing a hand up against his own chest as if to impress onto the warrior that thought. Maybe it had been stupid not to speak about all of this to Lancelot, the one person in this entire manor whose actual duty was to see to his protection, but… no. Merlin had just been being stupid about it, the consort thought miserably, as his shoulders sagged forward. "It doesn't really make much sense, I suppose, now that I'm thinking about it. But I think I didn't say anything because I was trying to… prove something. Prove something to myself. I've been doing so good these last few weeks. You know that I have suffered problems in the past, but these last few weeks… I've been happier than I have been in a long time. Maybe not the same happy that I was before I got married, but I'm starting to feel a glimmer of that happiness that I haven't felt in so long. And when I first came to Camelot, I was perfectly able to handle certain situations on my own. Or at least, I didn't feel like I was going to break down if something went wrong. I was hoping that I was… strong now like I was then. That I could handle something like this, that I could handle that prince of mine when I thought it was him, without breaking down. If I could do this, then… maybe there's hope for me making a full recovery and feeling like I am my old self again. Like I was before Arthur tried to ruin me."

Merlin lowered his eyes down to the ground, shame filling him as he realized he had went about this the whole way. He had been doing things on his own for himself, simply because that's what he felt like for so long… alone. An old habit that he thought he had broken when he realized he wasn't as alone as he thought he was. But he wasn't being strong by keeping secrets like this close to his chest. He might have even been weak. Somebody strong would know to use all of the resources that they had available to them, especially when it was a situation that was, quite literally, life threatening. Merlin SHOULD have gone to Lancelot and his uncle, the two people here that he trusted far more than he trusted anybody else, and talked this through. Maybe if they had been working together from the start, they could have figured out together that it had never been Arthur coming for him. Merlin wouldn't be standing here with a face full of bruises, his bones aching as if he'd been ran over by a carriage, his elbow throbbing, and his throat feeling like it was trying to cave in on itself if he had just… spoken up when he had the chance. Jacqui would have probably ended up being taken into custody, where he would be escorted to Camelot and then punished however Uther decided it. The king probably would have still chosen an execution considering Jacqui wasn't anybody of importance, but at least it would not have been Merlin who would need to carry the burden of that man's death on his shoulders. If Jacqui had never seen what Ginevra could do, and if he had never seen what Merlin could do, then… that man probably hadn't had to die. But he did, and now… now that death was all on Merlin. And all because he hadn't fucking spoken up… how furious Merlin was with his own self, seeing the truth in front of him only now.

"I suppose that I can understand that if I think about it from your point of view, but it still doesn't… feel good. In my chest. Knowing that you decided to keep secrets instead of trusting me to take care of it. I could have stayed standing by your side more consistently, and I could have started looking into the ones who might have a grudge against you that you were NOT already married to. It could have been fixed, but… Merlin, you still didn't trust me. And if you cannot trust me, whether you are at your strongest or your weakness, then… I do not know why I'm your knight to begin with." Lancelot finally said, with a heavy and deep sigh, closing his eyes as if he was in pain to say something like that. The man's hand came up to play with the broach hanging off his collar that Merlin had given to him all those weeks ago, and for one heart stopping moment, the consort had actually thought that Lancelot was going to take it off. That this is it, and Lancelot was going to resign and leave Merlin and the consort wouldn't see him ever again. He was going to walk right out of his life as if he had never been apart of it. Just a shadow that came into Merlin's life and took the sun as he left with him. But Lancelot did not remove the broach, instead dropping his hand down by his side limply. "I think perhaps, I simply need some time so that I can think some thing's over. I… I really should check to make sure that Jacqui isn't a problem for us to worry about any longer. So I guess… I guess that I will see you in a little bit… when I have had the time to wrap my head around all we have seen here today."

That was the last thing Lancelot said before he finally walked through the door and leaving Merlin in the caring hands of his uncle. But Merlin could hardly feel it when his uncle took him by the shoulder to get his attention. He couldn't do anything more than what it took to stare at that doorway, trying to will the man to come back and speak to him. To tell him that he was sorry, and that Merlin's trust in him was infallible, even if his actions didn't make it seem like it. But, as Arthur had left him, Lancelot was always gone. And Merlin was left to wonder… why he had allowed something as silly as pride—was that what all of this really boiled down to—to stop him in confiding with those who had needed to know if he was in danger. And he was left wondering if all of this was truly going to be the end of him and Lancelot. A duo that was supposed to be unstoppable—him with the position of power and Lancelot with the skillset to support him—until life itself deemed it time to separate them.

Maybe something's, like his relationship with Lancelot, just wasn't really meant to last.

X

No, that wasn't true.

Of course their relationship was meant to last.

To last until the end of time and even beyond that, if Merlin had to will it so.

Merlin Pendragon had spent the last hour of his life debating over the thought that had plagued him after Lancelot had left him behind in the steward's living chambers. He had kept on this train of thought even when Gaius was guiding him out of the room, and he had stayed with it as he was led up the stairs, and it hadn't strayed when they had walked through empty hall after empty hall till he was standing in his own personal bed chambers in the topmost room that's been crafted in the tallest tower of the estate. And that was when the consort was sitting now, on the edge of his bed while Gaius tended to him. He had his jacket off, carefully and neatly folded so that it fell straight over the footboard of the bed, and his sleeve was pushed all the way up to his elbow. Allowing his uncle to wrap a thick and clean white bandage around his heavily bruised skin, the results of Merlin slamming his elbow as hard as he could into Jacqui's nose and breaking it. But how could he bother himself with being relieved he hadn't dislocated the limb, when it was very much possible that Lancelot would leave him over this. And Merlin couldn't very much say he blamed him. He knew that the other man cared for him and only wanted to do a good job by him, but the consort still found it hard on his rougher days… being cared for. Today wasn't supposed to be a rougher day. It was supposed to be a good day, and the day that everything that had to do with this whole murder him plot finally ended.

Well… one out of two wasn't so bad…

Gaius hummed something nonsensical beneath his breath as he tied Merlin's bandage off nice and tight around his arm. His uncle hadn't really spoken with him since they had left that room downstairs, and Merlin was worried that he's also mad at him. It would be just Merlin's luck to make it three for three. First it was Arthur leaving him behind because Merlin had been convinced he was the killer. And then it was Lancelot, who was upset because he thought that Merlin didn't trust him enough to see to his protection. And now it was his uncle, who is hardly able to look at him past tending to his injuries. Gaius didn't even need to say anything for Merlin to know the older man was greatly upset by how the consort had handled the situation. Gaius was practically reeking with a terrible disappointment that could not be missed. It practically wafted off of him like it was fumes. His uncle was just one of those men who were both impossible for someone to read, and yet impossible not to know when they were upset. Such a thing made Merlin's heart clench in his chest, snug and tight and maybe it is even as strangling as when Merlin was actually being strangled. He hated that he didn't know how he was supposed to react about Arthur leaving. And Merlin hated the fact that Lancelot had walked out on him. But nothing was compared to how heavy hearted Merlin felt at knowing even his uncle thought that Merlin had done wrong.

"Do you think that Lancelot's going to leave me for good over this?"

Merlin's voice was quiet and unsure even as he parted his lips so that his uncle could smear some of the healing cream he was using onto the cut on his lip to make sure he didn't get an infection. Maybe that was a question that was best asked to Lancelot, but Merlin didn't like how silent the room had become. Like an empty void that could suck them all right up into the abyss if somebody did not do something to break it. And… he really was worried about Lancelot, and what he might be 'thinking about' now that he had left to 'think things over.' So Merlin didn't really know if that meant Lancelot was re-thinking his decision to be Merlin's guard, or if he was simply needing time to cool his head off. Merlin was terrified that he was going to wake up in the morning and discover that his family seal rested on his bedside table and Lancelot long gone before he had the chance to stop him. He was terrified he might have finally gone a step that had been too far… for everybody.

"I think that Lancelot's just very… hurt because of all the secrecy. I'm sure that you can understand, especially for those of us who have been here beside you since the beginning of your time in Camelot, that you keeping this secret from us is very… off putting. I would have thought the people closest to you, at least them, would have already showed you that you could trust them enough when it came to things this important." Gaius said, turning around to pick up a water goblet that had been brought to them, a pitcher sitting beside it on top of the nightstand, and handing it over to Merlin to hopefully help relax the ache and pain in his throat muscles. Merlin took the goblet from him, though he did not drink it and simply stared at the little ripples made in the water every time that he moved the cup. How could he drink anything when he could feel the way his uncle continued radiating disappointment. It seemed to sink itself beneath his skin and down into his bones until it was impossible for Merlin to shake off. "It is perhaps, though, not my place to speak on Lancelot's behalf. But, I've been watching and I see the way that he interacts with you. The way that he carries himself with pride ever since you gave him our family crest to wear, and all the dedication he seems to have towards your safety. It would surprise me greatly if he did decide to walk a different path than the one that you have given him."

Merlin nodded slowly, though he still kept looking into his goblet with misery in his expression that had nothing to do with the aches and the pains that would come from nearly being murdered in your own basement. He had a feeling that his uncle wasn't saying this just to comfort him, though that was really what he wanted, even if he didn't deserve it considering the circumstances. Merlin had been so… prideful… that he had been willing to risk his own safety to prove he was a stronger man. This was just like what had happened when he had let the knights, Bryon and Julian, to take him into the woods all those weeks ago. The consort had simply wanted to test himself, and prove that he was capable and stronger since deciding he was going to have a new lease on life after he had survived being poisoned. Merlin had thought this latest adventure had actually been different though, so convinced that it WAS different because now, Merlin was actually starting to heal. He wasn't just being full of bravado like the first time. But the truth of the matter was this… when you got down to the real nitty gritty behind the two situations, it was exactly the same. Merlin acting out and not taking hold of the hands that had stood by him even when he thought that nobody would. How could he have been so stupid as to not see this now until he was in the boat that he was in. Why, in fact, if Merlin wasn't hurt and being tended to, then he was sure that his uncle would have already left him as well.

"I mean… Merlin, honestly! Did you even stop to think about what could have happened if Jacqui managed to finish what he was trying to do before you got him off of you? Or what would have happened if it was really Arthur who went after you? The rest of us… we would have been clueless, celebrating the first document you signed to get your project up off the ground while you laid just downstairs being murdered! Whatever the reasons you gave to us, it was just so reckless and irresponsible! You could have died, Merlin! You could've died for real, this time! And then where would I be without my nephew? What would Arthur be if he wasn't always trying to be by your side? What would the entire kingdom be if we had to return home and tell the people there that you did not survive! Did you even stop to think, honestly Merlin, about what the rest of us would feel if you were lost to us? The guilt we would feel for not seeing what it was that you saw that warned you this was coming in the first place? How bad it would feel knowing that you were carrying what you knew inside of you this whole time! I just… I thought you knew better by now that not all your secrets need to stay secret."

There were tears filling up Merlin's eyes before Gaius could get halfway done with the feverish lecture he had been holding back until it was impossible for him to keep it contained. It stung at his eyes and his lashes were beginning to clump together and Merlin tried in vain to wipe them away with the palm of his hand. But the tears were coming too quick, the events that had happened had finally reached its breaking peak for the young consort. Finding out that it was not his husband trying to kill him, and then Jacqui trying to actually kill him off, and then sacrificing the man so that Ginevra's magic would keep hidden… and then Merlin somehow being able to successfully piss off the only three men he had in his life. It had honestly been only a matter of time before something like this started to happen to him again. The desperation to keep his friend and the guilt that came with Jacqui's death and facing his uncle's disappointment, and not even having a clue about how Arthur was fitting into all of this… it was just too much for one man to face without braking down.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Gaius. I am so sorry that I didn't tell anybody, and I am sorry that all of this even happened at all! And I'm so sorry that I didn't think about you needing to know, and Lancelot! And I'm just… I'm just sorry!" The consort was rambling as the tears started streaming down his face in full force. Merlin dropped his goblet, the metal container hitting the floor with a loud clatter as the water spilled out across the stone floors. But Merlin didn't care, before he was falling sideways, allowing his face to fall somewhere around the belly that belonged to his uncle. Merlin was probably a wet and snotty mess, disgusting, as he finally gave into his emotions and sobbed full force into him, though his uncle didn't seem to care about how gross Merlin was being. As he scratched a hand through Merlin's dark hair with one hand and started rubbing his back with the other, soft shushing sounds being whispered to him in a way that the consort definitely didn't deserve. And still, Merlin continued to ramble, though he wasn't sure if his uncle could make out a single word of it. Though it didn't really matter, because Merlin knew exactly what he was saying, and believed it with every amount of strength that he possessed. "I'm going to stop this and I am going to start trusting in my friends and mg family. I don't have to do these things alone because I'm not! I'm going to do better and be open about all my problems. You'll see, Uncle Gaius, you'll see! I won't keep any secrets anymore from any of you! Because you care about me. And I need to see that!"

It was a vow that Merlin was determined to keep.