Notes: Bill Cipher's thoughts on various Groups of Interest.
WARNING!
THE FOLLOWING FILES HAVE BEEN CLASSIFIED BY THE ORDER OF O5 COUNCIL.
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The files contain journals from the Entity-GF-Ω describing his thoughts on rival GOIs, SCPs, god-like entities and Persons Of Interest and other subjects of interest.
Due to the likely hold of cognitohazard due the nature of Entity-GF-Ω, the files are added with countermeasures against possible memetic influence.
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Groups Of Interest:
SCP Foundation: Ohohoho these guys are a riot! They are like a paradoxical non-euclidean shape that can't decide what form to take, an ever shifting paradigm on a chaotic diagram! On one side we have the fun-loving chaotic loons, outcasts and freaks my type of guys! and on the other side we have the why-so-serious prudent condescending jaded cooped up snobs! Good thing I found Sixer first instead of these snobbish jealous hoarders, they would be a bad influence on him! And their mission? Laughable! It is laughably dumb that they try keep the weirdness under the curtain while dealing with it and even having some in personnels! Sorry white coats, you can't keep the genie in the box!
Church Of The Broken God: These guys are hilarious! They worship clockhead and to make themselves look even more they mutilate their own body parts and replace them with cybernetics to somehow get closer to the 'divine'. Hate to break it to ya cogoys, doesn't matter flesh or metal nothing beats being a being pure energy! Energy rules!
Sarkic Cults: Sheesh, these guys are soooo bent on making everything about flesh. I'm all for rebelling against the system and all that jazz but why so serious and gross about it? Have some fun with it! Reality is an illusion so why so serious? At least some of those 'Neo' ones get that. I tell ya being eaten alive has lost its hilarity once you know some of the fleshies are INTO IT!
Global Occult Coalition: Watch it! It's the exterminators coming in, hide your teleporting chair because they have woodchoppers! HAHA! Oh these guys are gold! And that's coming from a golden gentleman like me!
Doctor Wondertainment: Aaah, meat bags after my own heart! Not giving a care about prudence and just have fun and make questionably safe products to children! I can respect that.
Horizon Initiative: It's really funny seeing monkeys wearing gathering around and spill holy water on you and wonder why it doesn't work. Sorry top hats, I'm NOT that kind of a Demon! And unlike Luci I'm a good boy to daddy!
Church Of Second Hytoth: These guys need to take a chill pill, admire the enthusiasm though! But careful when mentioning a Screamie, because when you do expect the Inquisition!
Obskurakorps: What about those tin can wearing sore losers? Still babbling about 'racial purity' and all that star crap, flesh is flesh and inferior to being a being of pure of energy. See! I don't discriminate!
The Fifth Church: HOW MANY times should I told those numbskulled for brains that the portal is three sided not 5! What in Super Hells is their matter with their overfixation with number 5 anyway?! All because they saw a giant stupid starfish! I saw a giant salamander, you don't see me having a numeric obsession!
Ambrose Restaurants: Now this guys I can appreciate for having an exotic taste! Men after my triangle! Maybe I should make a resturant of my own, I can see that: "Bill Cipher's Interdimensional Maddening Cuisines! WARNING: No refund in case ending up having an allergy to teeth and screaming heads!" Oooo the things I can do!
The Factory: This is why Capitalism will rule supreme and you should buy Gold, Crypto and NFT! Buy them before you end up as soulless slaved robots suckers! Though you would either way, the capitalism machine will eventually suck your souls and grind them into powder as marketable cosmetics!
Vikander-Kneed Technical Media: Now THAT'S quality entertainment! Maddening Media Products that instead of just subtly driving the masses mad would instead weaponize it's absurdness to DIRECTLY drive them into madden drooling screen addicted zombies! Even a chaos god like me has to admit that it's genius!
Goldbaker-Reinz: Ugh, Pencil Pushers! No matter what dimension they are the WORST! You have NO IDEA how many times my plans in possessing a meat bag in the top was unraveled because of FREAKING INSURANCE in case of possession!
Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting: Oh look! They even made their own little version of Henchmaniacs! How adorable! They and my gang are gonna get along like a tire on fire! Though I should tell them to not immediately eat them….
Parawatch: Ho Ho Ho it's so funny how dumb and ignorant they are! Snapping their sanity would be no sweat if I could! Plenty of gullible messiah complex suckers like Sixer to target!
Valravn Corporation: Meh, a bunch of superstitious primates playing with cybernetics with a stick in their asses that can give Old One Eye's nonexisting other eye an eyebrow!
Wandsmen: Augh, the damn journalists keep putting their beaks to where that does not belong, it stop being fun gloating in their interviews when they start giving pointy questions! Good thing Pyronica found that little birdie and had her as filled turkey for Space Giving Day or little birdie would have spilled my totally-moving on over Sixer's rejection of me. Also, any rumor about me going drunk depressed in an multiversal bar like a possessive Ex on Ford rejecting my offer is ENTIRELY false even thought I once mentioned that, I'm crazy after all! NEVER MIND THAT!
Manna Charitable Foundation: I'm a capitalist first, charitable second though I do some charity work which involves liberating flat minds from their chains by the constraints of their reality, being muses to the few geniuses trapped in a sea of normalcy and finding poor ans misunderstood outcasts to be a part of my gang! So I suppose I also do charity as well!
Anderson Robotics: I like their cutthroat capitalistic view! Having business with anyone with more money, be damn the so-called narrowed view of "morality" and using carrot and stick policy. My kind of backstabbing bastards!
Wilson's Wildlife Solutions: Ah, fellow collectors of freaks of nature! Maybe I handle them Xanthar for some time, hopefully they won't get crush under his weight when he gets cranky! By the way, I'm DEFINITELY stealing their Beavers and give them cosmic powers just so that I can see how they can make whole dysons spheres from stars! Would be very entertaining to see!
(The Beavers are identified as SCP-6622 instances.)
TotleighSoft: The Man in charge certainly fits as a part of my henchmaniacs with his freakyness and funny accent! And I like his accent! An unknowable eldritch alien apex predator's idea of "fair competition" with a hasty back-jacket description of the American Dream and his company with no ulteriror motive only wanting to help meatbags help themselves, I can relate!
Wilson's Wildlife Solutions: Ah, fellow collectors of freaks of nature! Maybe I handle them Xanthar for some time, hopefully they won't get crush under his weight when he gets cranky! By the way, I'm DEFINITELY stealing their Beavers and give them cosmic powers just so that I can see how they can make whole dysons spheres from stars! Would be very entertaining to see!
Shark Punching Center: I like these guys, they have discovered the secret of happiness, PUNCHING AND DISCRIMINATING AGAINST CARTILA-GIIIIIIIINOOOOOUS! HAHAHAHAHA!
Gamers Against Weed: These guys get it! Art ain't about making a statement, it's about trolling the status quo and having fun in it! I like these kids' moxie, maybe I offer them a place in my Henchmaniacs!
Deer College: What about them? Hellooo? Mr 'I Know Lots Of Things'? A college that is impressive compared to other colleges for meat bags is still a college for meat bags!
Unusual Incidents Unit: WATCH OUT! FBI IS COMING- HAHAHAHA! Just messing with ya! Oh the fun I had making them go around their own tail, what a bunch of losers!
GRU Division: Somehow, the LEAST interesting cabal of secret societies humans made other than being a response to capitalism to "safeguard" their ugh communism and defunct like its very ideology! And sore losers they are, even after their little gang is dissolved some of these suckers continue! Give it a supermassive break, not all ideas can work like you know, communism!
Arcadia: Aaaah, I had so much fun! high-powered drug-fueled cabal of dark magic users ready and willing to use their magic for fun and profit all willing to do SMALL FAVORS for me, good times! Shame it slipped into the merciless tide of mundaneness. Though there were the 2000s but we don't talk about it!
Are We Cool Yet?: Eh I'm a bit mixbag about these guys. On one hand, I find the idea of turning flat minds into mush through artistic pursuits hilarious, inspirational even! On the other hand they aren't REALLY a group just a bunch of unrelated activists trying to make a statement. DON'T GET WRONG THOUGH! I'm all for statements against the system and all but they tend to forget to have fun with it and take themselves too seriously.
Chicago Spirit: Eh, just another defunct group with a lot of pretending small time crooks stealing their motto. Organisations like them come and go faster than Frills taking a swing on the frills!
Marshal, Carter Dark: I'm still getting shudders from how long their list was when trying to make a deal with those guys! You would think they would go easy with a fellow capitalist but nooo they had to turn capitalism into one of the few ideas this dimension's stinking apes invented that I like to turn around and weaponize it against me! ME! What part of my appearance screams 'Oh, look! There's a communist!'.
Chaos Insurgency: Meeeeh, what a bunch of buzzkills! A bunch of edgelords that decided to rebel against the ozzies because boohoo the shadowy council didn't give them enough attention! Aowi! Besides, I may be an interdimensional criminal, but I'm an interdimensional criminal with style and finesse not a dirty terrorist!
(It has been likely speculated that by Ozzies, the entity means the O5 Council)
Serpent's Hand: I SWEAR you make one itty bitty tiny joke and then what do you know? The Librarian void your Library Card! And suddenly you have the entire Dimensional Nerd Club being a constant pain in your 2D glorious golden back!
The Black Queen: Hahahaha! Daddy Issues is strong with this one! Talk about having group therapy with yourself! And here I thought I and the Pines had one!
Chilldren Of The Scarelt King: They are the living example why I'm not into having cults around me, they are hilarious at first with sacrificing their own. Not to mention they revere Tall, Dark, Red and Gloomy himself! Like, why of every interdimensional eldritch horror they had to choose such a buzzkill to worship only to in the end get destroyed by him anyway!? And they call me crazy! At least I know how to have fun when I end reality as you know it!
The Three Moon Initiative: Uuuuugh! Just being reminded of afterlife police gives me a headache! Oh the major complaints they gave oldie Axolotl for saving me from my Quantum Limbo just so that I end up in therapy! ME! THERAPY! Oh I won't live that shame for the next trillion years! Though I suppose better Prison-Therapy than being sat by a giant hairy monkey's butt in the middle of nowhere!
Additional Note: HEY WHAT GIVES!? WHO NEUTRALIZED MY PHYSICAL GLORIOUS CORPSE!? I KNOW IT'S YOU FURRY!!!!
Note: Hehe, just making sure he won't come back from whatever Quantum Afterlife the one eye nacho has, bye bye sucker!
– Dr. Sinclair's report after she secretly neutralized the anomalous statue by cutting the link between it and the entity to prevent it from ever returning.