Don't Own Naruto or Adventure Time
XX: Portal II
The cold desert stretched before him, its endless dunes swallowing the last remnants of warmth from the day. Hands stuffed in his pockets, he trudged forward, though each step grew heavier. It felt like dragging a summon—one too stubborn to move.
Everything here was… off. The most normal person he knew wasn't even human. That said a lot. If he was going to drop dead, if he was going to close his eyes for the last time, he'd rather do it at home. Not here.
A sharp pain lanced through his skull. His knees buckled, and before he knew it, he was on all fours, hacking into the sand. A sharp, metallic taste flooded his mouth, then painted the sand, as he fought to steady his breathing. Stray bangs curtained his vision.
Damn.
The worst part? It didn't have to be this way, if he'd just asked Bubblegum for he—It didn't have to be this way, but it was.
'What if' only mattered before a decision, not after.
Not being a bother was the least he could do, and leaving was the best he could do.
Staying in a castle didn't make him a prince.
Being stuck in a playground didn't make him a child.
He was breathing, he could do something—he could move, at least.
A strange lightness settled over him—like the weight had finally balanced itself out. Not renewed energy. Not hope. Just… equilibrium.
It unnerved him for good reason. Felt like whatever that beggar had done to him was finished.
He clenched his fists and dragged his fingers across the sand, pushing himself up.
Shikamaru forced himself forward, telling himself he was close. One step, then another, then another—
A gust of wind cut through the desert. His shirt billowed, hair ruffled—then flump! Something massive landed in front of him, kicking up a cloud of sand.
It was a large bird, an eagle? He didn't know. He only became aware of it because it was in front of him. All his senses had dulled, and his ears occasionally rang.
Seated on its back were LSP and Bubblegum, still in her nightclothes. That black T-shirt, fluffy flip-flops, and her nightcap—the tiara.
She spotted him and quickly lowered the bird.
"We saw the blast," said Bubblegum.
Shikamaru didn't bother to fix his appearance or even reply. He just hauled himself up into the saddle, and the bird took off.
"Hey, are—"
"I'm fine." He waved LSP off. "Let's just go."
There was urgency in his voice—no room for small talk or further questions. Just movement.
—
The majestic bird perched beside the portal, lowering itself so they could hop off. LSP had probably explained the situation to Bubblegum—he could tell because she didn't try to stop him when he moved to follow LSP.
That is, until she pinched his shirt.
His head snapped towards her, sharp and instinctive. She flinched. A jolt ran down her spine, sealing her lips shut. Almost instantly, his brow arched, and his expression softened, impatience melting away.
"What's up?"
"N-Nothing..."
"Sorry, I just..." He shook his head. "What did you want to say?"
She hesitated.
Shikamaru waited.
"...Good luck," she finally said, uncertain as she glanced away. "You worked really hard..."
He searched past his exhaustion, past his frustration, past everything weighing him down. And then he smiled at her.
"I do need that, actually." It was fifty-fifty, after all. "Thanks."
Her lips curled into a smile too, and he took that as his cue to get going.
LSP granted him access by yelling at the portal, and—ah, he didn't know the nitty-gritty, but it got him what he wanted so...
"How do I work it?"
"Just, like, put your hand on it," she said. "Picture your place and, idk, it does the rest."
He hesitated. A throb pounded in his skull. Blood trickled down his temple. His whole body screamed for rest. But it didn't matter.
The goal was right in front of him.
He could finally let them be—finally stop intruding on their world. No more bothering them—her. No more dealing with Ooo.
Shikamaru exhaled slowly and pressed his palm against the frog. Eyes locked. Focus unwavering.
It used memories. That was fine—he had the perfect image of Konohagakure. The Hokage Monument, the busy streets, lanterns flickering at dusk. It was clear in his mind, more real than the place he... stood... now...
His eyes widened.
The portal pulsed. The air crackled.
"Designated location does not exist."
"Huh?!" LSP shouted.
The portal remained unyielding, its mechanical gaze fixed on him like a gorgon and from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet, Shikamaru stood, petrified.
"Designated location does not exist."
For a split second, his mind went blank.
And then it hit him.
Ah...
So that was it.
Shikamaru finally understood what Magic Man had done to him.
"My, my, my, you're having some trouble fitting right in."
"To remain here for as long as you live and until you die. I cannot... imagine a better punishment for you, Nara Shikamaru."
Realization was heavy on his shoulders
Yeah.
The beggar was right.
The way it was, he could never leave.
Because Ooo had become Shikamaru's home dimension.
The last bit of chakra—the only thing stringing him to Konoha—was gone.
And not just that…
Damn.
He forced himself to picture Konoha again. The rooftops, the winding streets and the Hokage Monument standing over it all. But every time he grasped for the image, it twisted, warped… bent into something foreign. The stone faces had softened into Ooo's physicality. The people… his friends, his family… their features reshaped into something unrecognizable. Something from Ooo.
He tried again.
Faces. Expressions. The way Ino's scowl deepened right before she chewed him out, the way Chouji's eyes sparked at the sight of food, the way his mother wound up before smacking him upside the head, even the way Naruto inhaled ramen like a whale. He knew these things. He'd seen them a thousand times.
But now, they wouldn't translate properly in his mind.
Even himself.
The image that surfaced when he tried to picture his own face—it wasn't the one he grew up with. It was the one he had now. The one shaped by this world.
There was no point in disbelief when the evidence was clear.
"Th-That has to be wrong..." Bubblegum said. "Why's it doing that?"
"I don't know!" LSP was just as confused. "It's never… done… "
Their voices faded into nothing.
Blood from his crown had traced a slow path down his cheek, slipping past his jaw before gathering at his chin—then dropping. Right onto the portal.
It whirred. Its eyes spun.
"Designated location found."
"F-Finally! Like... ugh." LSP exhaled loudly. "I was totally ready to replace you for being busted."
Bubblegum sighed in relief, but when she turned to Shikamaru, she hesitated.
He hadn't moved.
"Pineapple, y-you don't have to worry anymore," she said. "It'll take you home now, okay?"
Her voice barely registered. Those words were just air because Shikamaru knew—
The frog's tongue shot out, wrapping around him in an instant.
He was yanked in.
He spiraled—downward, upward, sideways? He couldn't tell. Vertigo twisted his body in every direction, no ground beneath him, nothing to hold onto. He fell, endlessly, until—
Shikamaru landed on his feet, sliding to a stop right beside a wide-eyed Bubblegum.
"Designated location reached."
—That was impossible.
"H-Hey—"
"Bubblegum." He didn't even look at her. "The blood..."
She flinched, blinking. Of course, Princess would've run her mouth to Bubblegum, so he knew she was aware. At the time, he'd drawn it for storage seals, but this... this was another applicable situation.
That might work. That might send him home.
"I... I..."
"What is it?"
From the corner of his eye, he saw her hands tremble
"Just a little," he said.
...
"A drop."
...
"A'ight." He nodded at nothing in particular. Just an affirmation for himself. She'd tampered with it, hadn't she?
"I had to," she finally admitted. "Your situation... it had to be everything."
Shikamaru stared.
"Please understand I—"
"It's fine." He sighed. She knew the science stuff way more than he did. If she said it had to be everything then it probably had to be everything.
Plus, she couldn't have known Shikamaru'd need it. Hell, Shikamaru didn't know Shikamaru'd need it. Her only err was holding his best interest at heart.
Bubblegum blinked, her expression tightening with confusion as she tried to wrap her head around his reply.
Meanwhile, LSP was still screaming at the portal.
What a damn waste of time.
Shikamaru stepped past Bubblegum and up to LSP, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out what was left of Melissa's phone and handed it over.
"Tell her, my bad."
LSP huffed but took it. "I'll get her a new one."
"Thought you hated her."
"Not anymore," she admitted. "She can, like, thank you for that, I guess."
He gave a single nod. Then turned.
"I swear, the portal totally works! I just—this time I—"
"Not your fault."
Her lips pressed into a frown. "B-But... You did all that—"
"You can shake a die for a minute and still roll a one," No energy in his shrug. "Just how it goes sometimes."
What's done was done. He wasn't going to fight with the portal or argue with anyone. What would that change?
"You..."
"Don't fight with your friends."
LSP opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again—until, finally, she settled for a slow nod.
"Don't run away either." Never know, might never return.
"F-Fine." LSP nodded. "How are you gonna get back home?"
Damn, that was a good question. It seemed impossible but... "I'll figure something out."
"O-Okay, you can crash in Lumpy Space till then." She hesitated. "The doctors work. They're, like, not like the portal."
...
"You look tired and you're bleeding..." she added. "Humans, like, need that, right?"
So, the blood gave it away but since she was offering... He guessed there was no harm in accepting. Plus, Lumpy Space had cloud beds. One night on one of those and maybe he might forget his worrie—
Bubblegum snatched his arm and yanked him towards the bird.
LSP called after them. "H-Hey!"
"Take care, LSP," Bubblegum said, ushering him onto the saddle before taking off.
—
The ride back was quiet.
Shikamaru slumped atop the giant bird, gaze unfocused. The wind swept through his hair, cool against his skin, but he barely registered it.
His body was running on fumes. Every breath dragged, heavy with exhaustion. Pain clung to his limbs—not sharp, not demanding, just a dull, persistent presence. The warmth of blood drying against his temple. The weight of everything settling in his bones.
His mind was quiet. Not empty—just... distant. Drifting. He couldn't hold a single thought for more than a second before it slipped away. He didn't try to chase them. What was left to process? What was left to fix?
Nothing.
It was what it was.
The ache in his bones, the tightness in his chest—he ignored it. More like... it didn't matter anymore. Slowly, the exhaustion swallowed it. Swallowed everything.
From the corner of his eye, he caught Bubblegum shifting. Fidgeting. She kept sneaking glances his way, twisting the hem of her shirt between her fingers.
She was worried. He knew that much. But the thought barely stirred anything in him. If he shut his eyes, he'd never open them again. He knew that. Bubblegum knew that. But only one of them cared. Maybe he should say something, reassure her—but what was the point?
He let the wind fill the silence instead. Let it stretch on for as long as it wanted.
His eyes began to droop. His body was already shutting down, and this time, he didn't fight it. He let it happen. The will to keep moving, to keep trying—it had died back at the portal.
Shikamaru had died back at the portal.
Are you, perchance, mad at me?" Bubblegum asked the moment she saw his eyes slip.
"Never." Simple and honest.
Another pause.
"...Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"You don't look okay."
"I never do."
That earned him a frown. "Pineapple..."
She was searching for ways to cheer him up, but it was unnecessary—like chasing rainbows on a sunny day. Unnecessary because he wasn't sad to begin with.
Not one bit.
He tried.
He failed.
Hard work never favored him. Why would it? He hated hard work, and hard work hated him twice back. Hard work paid off for everyone except Shikamaru. Lesson learned—well, more of a reminder of how futile and pointless zeal could sometimes be.
He just thought… if it worked for Naruto, maybe it'd be the same for him.
Just try, they said. Put effort and watch it pay off.
He put effort, where was the pay off? Utter bull. This was why, often times, he never bothered.
Shikamaru would just keep Bubblegum as background noise—would hear but not listen. He let the fatigue take over, slowly giving in, shutting his eyes. He doubted anything she said was worth—
"W-Wanna hear a joke?"
Woah!
Hold on.
That was... unexpected. His eyes opened, and he looked at her.
Bubblegum nodded, as if convincing herself more than him. "Came up with it myself. I'm certain I can make you chuckle, at least."
"How?" His tone was low, tired.
"With the power of mind science… Ooooo." She wiggled her fingers.
"So, psychology—"
"Don't be a downer." She rolled her eyes. "Mind science."
"...Right." He squinted, half-confused. "But... you're not funny."
Not that her jokes weren't funny—she just never made any in the first place. Or at least, he'd never seen or heard her try.
Bubblegum's face cracked. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Not to be rude." He sighed. "I'm just saying, if you did stand-up, you wouldn't be the only one standing up—"
"R-Regardless." She cut him off, taking a deep breath. "Regardless... it's just a testament to the power of science, right?"
"Only if it works."
"It will work."
She sounded so sure. Too sure. It was almost impressive. If science could make Bubblegum funny, science could probably do anything.
Shikamaru sighed. Fine. Why not? Not like he had anything going on in his mind. Better to fill his head with this than whatever was already there.
"When it works, promise you'll cheer up?"
"I… wasn't down to begin wit—"
"Promise."
Sigh. "Fine."
Bubblegum grinned and shifted closer. "Okay."
She pointed to her face, directing his attention. He took the cue.
"You ready?"
"Shoot."
She held still. A never-ending smile on her lips.
Too still.
Seconds passed. Then a half-minute. Where was the joke?
Shikamaru arched a brow, but before he could question it, she held up a finger—wait—and leaned even closer.
So he waited. Anticipated.
What was she crafting? A ten-layer joke? It confused him, but given that it was Bubblegum, he suspected the punchline would be cryptic and deep. The kind of joke that never made him laugh because of how elaborate and embellished the setup often was. It was probably a science thing, as well, something he wouldn't fully grasp, and she'd have to explain it—thus ruining the joke and—
Bubblegum blew a bubble.
It inflated slowly, growing to the size of an average balloon.
…
…
…
Then—pop.
Shikamaru shut his eyes and pressed his lips tight to fight a smile. He lost, and the moment it cracked, a chortle escaped him.
"Damn it." He chuckled. "So stupid."
Bubblegum swiped her middle finger across her bottom lip, presenting an impish yet knowing smile before licking her upper lip clean.
"Science, one. Pineapple, zero."
"Give me a break." Amused despite himself.
It wasn't even funny, man. He just didn't expect someone so smart, serious, and calculating to do something so dumb, playful, and absurd. That disconnect, that contrast—that's what got him. That's what made him laugh.
Well… he guessed Bubblegum knew that too.
"It wasn't even a joke."
"Said I could. I did. All that matters." She snickered, looking far too pleased with herself.
Yeah, he'd take the loss on that one, but…
"How were you so sure it'd work?"
"Well, you see, it's surprisingly uncomplicated. The brain can—" She stopped herself, cheeks reddening. "It's the power of mind science."
Why stop? If she explained the science behind it, he'd listen—he was genuinely curious.
Shikamaru hummed in thought.
"You… You never really learned that lesson, did you?" she asked.
"What lesson?"
"It's good to think ahead. Just don't let it blind you."
Ah. So that's how she knew.
His dad wouldn't teach him a lesson he didn't need to learn. And since he lost that chess game, she figured he'd lose here too. If he never saw it coming then, he wouldn't see it now. A coin flip. One she won.
"You tried to predict the joke, didn't you?"
"Mind science is too strong." He sighed dramatically, shaking his head.
They chuckled, laughter replacing the wind's hush. Just the two of them, lost in pointless, silly, yet oddly comforting banter.
"You're... Weird."
He sweatdropped. A jab from nowhere. "H-How so?"
"You have... so many bad habits I wish you'd stop," she said. "You smoke, you're a lazy bum, always annoyed, overly solo-mind—"
"Yeah, Shikamaru bad, I get it." Another jab, twice the sweatdrops. She really didn't need to list them out like that.
"—a horrible role model."
He sighed.
"But… I've never seen you work that hard for anything." She frowned. "And all that went down the drain... and you just... took it."
His decision. His consequence.
"I know you're an advisor and your job calls for it but still... I respect that. A lot." She smiled, averting her eyes as her face reddened. "I... honestly never expected that from you. If I were in your shoes… Glob… I'd be so mad."
...
"To shrug something like that off… it means you've been through much worse," she said, and Shikamaru blinked. "I now see your bad habits differently."
His eyes flickered briefly. Okay, hold on… she was getting a little too close to complete accuracy. He didn't need her overanalyzing and accidentally figuring out he was a literal assassin.
"Ah, no… It's nothing like—"
"Another bad habit."
Ah. "My fault."
"To be clear, I still hate your bad habits. I think they should burn and fade away," she said. "I just… understand them now."
Shikamaru almost sighed in relief. If she could gather that much from so little, then… yikes.
She pinched her fingers and winked. "Just a bit."
He chuckled.
Bubblegum smiled—not in triumph, not in condescension, but warm… genuine.
"See?" She poked his cheek. "That's such a better expression on you."
He wasn't sad to begin with. But one never really knew what their face carried, and Shikamaru never cared enough to bother. To him, everything was the default.
"So, stop with the brooding," she said. "You know what they say about negative energy."
"Even you don't believe stuff like that."
"Mhm, it's rubbish." She chuckled sheepishly, poking her pointer fingers together. "But rubbish or not… happy, good, yes?"
"I guess…"
"Look, the kingdom's up ahead." She gestured ahead, and sure enough, the Candy Kingdom peeked over the horizon as they soared through the grasslands. Five minutes, max. "Science, two. Pineapple, zero."
Shikamaru sighed. "Yeah, yeah. I hear ya."
That wasn't part of the bargain, but she managed to keep him occupied and, most importantly, conscious. So, admittedly, good job on her part. He just… didn't know how to tell her the blood she used for the treatment wasn't his anymore.
Bubblegum got up to guide her bird, and he followed suit—landing was soon, anyway.
"Hey…" She turned to him.
Without meeting her gaze, he asked, "What's the matter?"
"You… Back then, forget what I said over the phone," she started. "You'd... never be a bother to me, okay?"
...
"I know… That was partly why you made extra effort to leave."
He tried to speak.
She cut him off. "I came to the badlands 'cause I wanted to. My choice."
"You wouldn't need to if—"
"Pineapple."
He sighed. "I hear ya—"
"I don't think you do." She pouted. "You'd never be a bother to me. Now or ever, okay?"
...
She crossed her arms. "Okay?"
He nodded. Y-Yeesh.
She smiled so wide it shut her eyes. "I adore your company."
He smiled as well, humoured. She was probably just—
Woosh!
What was that?
"So stop beating yourself up like that, ya donk." Bubblegum rested a hand on her hip. "It's—"
Crack!
Bubblegum's head snapped forward. She staggered two steps towards him before catching herself.
She blinked, reaching for her hair.
The static on his face caught a signal, tuned in to shock as Bubblegum pulled a fist-sized rock from the back of her head, slick with a viscous, translucent gel. A faintly sweet scent clung to the air. Her hands trembled, her pupils dilating as she stared at the rock.
Slowly—almost mechanically—she turned to him, her eyes glistening, wet.
Oi… he mouthed, unable to get the words out.
She tried to speak but her voice barely formed before her eyes rolled back.
She crumpled forward—straight into him.
Shikamaru caught her instinctively, his arms wrapping around her just as her body pressed into his chest. The sudden weight knocked him off balance, forcing him to sit as she went limp against him, her head nestled beneath his chin. Her hair—soaked in clear caramel—stuck to his skin, the scent of sugar and strawberry overwhelmed his senses.
Before he could straighten her top, another rock slammed into the bird's beak. It shrieked, jerking violently. The motion sent Bubblegum's weight crashing further into him, her head rammed into his jaw.
Even with the cushion of her hair, the impact sent a sharp jolt through him. His vision blurred for a split second.
The bird thrashed.
Shikamaru tightened his hold. One hand cradled the back of her head, his fingers tangling deeper into damp strands, a futile attempt to stop the 'bleeding'. The other hand flattened against her stomach to keep her steady and he could feel the shallow rise and fall of her breathing through her shirt.
She was fine. Just out cold.
Crap.
How would he explain this?
Who was that? How was it possible to hit them at such high altitudes? This damn place never made any sense—
The third rock silenced the bird and the fourth killed it but the bird had already thrown them off at the third.
He held onto her.
They plummeted metres.
They plummeted fast.
And for a split second, Shikamaru felt something within him stir.