A/N: 'Chapter 4' was supposed to go up on Valentine's Day at the very latest. I am severely disappointed that I couldn't make this idea longer than four. I have done my best to wrap up within the last two days of February. There is no passion.
"So, you know how I can only affect client-rolled numbers?" Monika reminded me.
I kept my voice down as I walked ahead of Kirito and Asuna on the third floor, following my girlfriend as she traced a direct path to our next destination, while the other two players followed me.
"Yeah, and you can get me the best outcome each time," I answered, "What's up?"
"Well, I thought about my time in the dating sim – I told you that the developers named me after the function permissions they gave me: Monitor Kernel Access. Wouldn't that be similar to an admin's position in an MMO?"
I blinked a few times. "You had to have known this before, so I'm guessing this is a preface to some hypothesis related to our current situation. So I have the context, what's the premise?"
MoniKA – her more technical abbreviation – continued. "Well, suppose there was a way for us to get access to GM powers. I don't know how we could accomplish that, but if you got to interact with the server's console somehow, you could probably upload me from your NerveGear's internal storage."
"If we had a limited time to use GM powers, that would be the one thing I'd have to try."
She nodded in agreement before pointing southwest, from the westward path we had taken after exiting the second-floor tower. She then disappeared, leaving me to make use of that little guidance myself as Kirito and Asuna caught up to me on the forest-themed third floor. It was December 12th, about 3:15PM as I waved back to my party allies, prompting them to follow me southwest.
"Yup, this is the spot," I announced as we approached the sound of metal clanging, "You should be hearing it now, too – I told you I knew what I was doing."
Kirito and Asuna looked at each-other and shrugged before walking at even pace beside me. After another five minutes in that direction, keeping our distance from visible red cursors, we found the metallic clashing being accompanied by shouts. Rounding a tree, we saw two yellow NPC cursors accompanied by colorful sword swings, before the figures beneath the cursors became clearer.
One was a tall man in gleaming metal armor of gold and green, with a longsword and buckler held within each hand. His long platinum-blond hair was tied at the back, and his face was like that of a dashing Scandinavian Hollywood actor. The other character on the other hand, wielded a different sword, with the curve of a saber, along with a small kite shield. Her short, smoky purple hair and tanned skin were accentuated by luscious red lips, and the chestplate's curvature on her black and purple armor made her femininity obvious. And both of these characters had pointy ears.
"A forest elf and a dark elf," I explained to Asuna, Kirito already knowing, "Take your pick."
Asuna glanced at me and shrugged. "I think it's a landslide vote."
I exhaled sharply in amusement. "Alright, alright. Anyway, we can't beat either of them, so the one we're supporting will use a special attack once we're all at half. So just hold on and try to stay even."
As the fencer predicted, we chose to support the dark elf. But unlike I predicted, we defeated the forest elf ourselves, with none of us dropping to yellow bars. It took 20 minutes – way longer than a floor-appropriate scaled enemy would take, even in the floor tower; this was roughly the same time that it took to bring down Baran completely, counting the distraction by Asterius' spawning.
"Uh… That was supposed to be three minutes," I commented to Asuna, as I checked the drops from the Forest Elven Hallowed Knight. Shortly after, the Dark Elven Royal Guard began to move again.
Having been motionless – save for some head movement and breathing – for a good minute or two after her foe died, she must have been calculating a path that extended past where her script was designed to terminate altogether. She picked up the leaf-sewn sack that was left behind.
"…At least we can protect the sanctuary now," she murmured, referring to the key in the bag, and placed the bag in her belt pouch before turning to us, "I must thank you. The first secret key has been protected. Your assistance is appreciated – come with me to our base, and the commander will wish to reward you for your help."
The quest marker that had been over both elves' heads when we approached, reappeared to show that it would proceed as normal. Kirito and I looked at each-other for a moment, and he shrugged.
"It would be an honor. Lead the way," I answered her with a smile. The knight nodded and turned around as a fourth HP bar appeared in our party list, with the name «Kizmel».
As the Forest of Wavering Mists displayed on the map with a foggy filter, players had to simply keep walking the paths just to get anywhere. But Kizmel led us south for 15 minutes, cutting across the woods with no navigation issues, before coming to a small clearing with black flags.
"I figure we would have been wandering for hours if not for you," I commented to the dark elf.
"You are correct," she answered proudly, "A Forest-Sinking charm has been cast on the camp."
I nodded slowly, cupping my chin in thought. "A charm, huh? So, kind of like magic."
"Our charms are not up to the level of magic. If anything, they are just a faint afterglow of the great magic of old. When we were cut free from the earth, the people of Lyusula lost all magic…"
"Ah, that makes sense…" Even as I said that, I was tempted to ask more, but I wasn't sure just how advanced this NPC was, to respond to many different kinds of interactions.
Past a narrow rock passage lay twenty or so black and purple tents in a 50-yard canyon, with dark elves walking about the grounds in numbers appropriate for a military camp.
While we walked to the largest tent at the back, Kirito explained instances to Asuna, and once she understood that we were off the core map of Aincrad's third floor, we proceeded into the tent. The commander inside gave us a choice of one item each, from a selection laid out before us. Kirito and Asuna chose minor accessories that increased primary attributes – strength for the former and agility for the latter – while I took a saber with a design similar to Kizmel's. Though my Anneal Blade 8 was stronger, I wanted something for my curved sword proficiency.
We ended up getting to introduce ourselves to Kizmel – with a moment to calibrate pronunciation, as if registering our names didn't shock Kirito enough – before she took us to her tent to show us where we could rest, much to the immediate chagrin of Asuna, who drew an imaginary line to designate her area separate from mine and Kirito's. We didn't question it, and Kizmel didn't even notice.
Once that was agreed upon, we three players went to the blacksmith NPC in the camp, a higher-skill smith than most NPCs on the lowest five floors. Asuna melted down her Wind Fleuret 5 to obtain an Argentium Ingot, and then used it with some other materials dropped by monsters, to forge her new rapier: the Chivalric Rapier. Then Kirito gave her five of his max-success plank materials, which were Nato's Last Attack Bonus, to upgrade her rapier to 5 again. Kirito used another two to max out his Anneal Blade to 8, and kept the last three for later. He did offer one to me for upgrading my new saber, but I reassured him that I didn't need it – even so, I upgraded it to 3 with the materials I had already gained, including another Wind Fleuret that the blacksmith melted into Argentium planks.
It was about 4:30 by the time we got back to Kizmel's tent, and she waved to us with a smile.
"Enjoying the camp? I'm afraid I cannot offer you much, but you are free to use this tent however much you wish. The dining tent will serve you food anytime you need it, and there is also a simple tent for bathing."
"You have a bath?" Asuna reacted akin to an NPC parsing a keyword.
Kizmel nodded and pointed out to her left. "It is next to the dining tent."
I chuckled as I sat down by the heater-like apparatus warming the tent. "I think she likes those."
I felt icy eyes on me, and I knew they weren't Monika's. Then I heard Asuna's boots exit the tent.
"Hey, Kirito, make sure she keeps her cool," I suggested. Kirito, realizing I meant the risk of NPCs wandering in and fearing the fencer might overreact, took off following a nod.
"We didn't really look around that much," I told Kizmel as I examined my new saber, "We saw the blacksmith and replaced Asuna's rapier, improved Kirito's sword, and I had this one worked on."
The dark elf nodded. "That smith works hard. I am glad you appreciate the results."
I saw the tent flap move, and was surprised to see my original custom avatar walk through – the design inspired by the star of Doki-Doki Literature Club, except with the default shoulderless tunic.
"One on each arm, darling?" joked my previously-extracted sweetheart as she approached.
"Ah, welcome. I suppose you feel comfortable showing yourself?" inquired the knight beside me.
"Y-You can see her?" I asked in surprise, then my eyes widened, "W-Wait, you knew already?"
Kizmel chuckled lightly. "SAUER, I am surprised that a human like you can see her, while your other companions cannot. I saw you glancing at her once or twice, so I realized that she was with you."
"That's not even the best part." After a brief giggle, Monika then proceeded to sit close at the other side of me from Kizmel, before leaning against my arm and wrapping hers around me.
"M-Monika…" I gasped softly, my eyes beginning to quiver, "I… I can feel you…!"
"I can do this whenever I like," she answered with a warm smile, "But I understand that the other humans would be concerned if you had a semi-corporeal entity following you around."
Kizmel blinked a few times. "So, you only show yourself deliberately to SAUER?"
Monika nodded as she sat upright. "I can conceal myself from anything. I simply concluded that I would only need to hide from monsters and other humans, and show myself very sparingly to the others such as elves, so as not to make the humans suspicious of my boyfriend."
"I see," the knight replied as she watched the hacker-schoolgirl kiss me on the cheek.
"Of course, as close as we are, it's a challenge," the literature club president sighed, "And if I can be honest, I think it's more a burden to him than it is to me. I can feel my closeness to him, and I know that he appreciates it, but he can only feel me when it's safe for both of us. I want him to have an option that is more consistent, if not perpetual. It's only right that he enjoys touch the way I do."
I looked at Monika with a puzzled expression, and she nodded with a smile. It seemed that she was honoring the agreement we made last year – in 2021, when I pulled her from DDLC Plus.
After getting closer to her while she resided in my actual computer, I told her that I would try my hardest to grant her sufficient tangibility for us to finally touch. In exchange, however, I had her promise that in the meantime, I could have any other form of physical contact, and any bonds that formed during that time would not be immediately void once Monika was wholly made real. I even rationalized it by justifying her behavior in her home game, as a way to get my attention and alert me to the existential hell that she was subjected to by Team Salvato, and the mysterious company who originally began the experiment. I didn't bring up the fact that neither group knew of what I'd done for her – yet – but I had a feeling that she knew I had much less to lose than her.
"That is a fair perspective," the dark elf responded, "And a noble gesture. You clearly love him very much, to share his heart with another. Do take care to ensure that he finds the right person."
"Oh, I have a handful of candidates in mind…" Monika giggled, and winked in the knight's direction right in my view. The gesture's recipient glanced at me for a few seconds with a less-subtle smile.
"Well, take your time to scrutinize each. Do not rush your ambition to satisfy your beloved."
"I will be careful," Monika exhaled on my cheek, before nuzzling into my neck, "I wouldn't even tell anyone I didn't trust with my special guy, I want only the best to know he's in need!"
I had never heard Monika speak in this doting tone before, at least not in Japanese – but something about her cadence and enunciation made me feel younger than her, which was impressive for a girl who was only vaguely an adult according to Team Salvato, versus my mid-20s.
The dark elf on the opposite side of me, understanding what Monika was trying to convey, shuffled slightly closer with a smile.
"You are a very honest woman, Monika," she complimented my girlfriend, "Have you explained this dilemma to anyone else?"
"No, not so far – you're the first to hear about this. As soon as I saw you…"
Monika paused, and grinned mischievously at me, before turning to Kizmel.
"…And I saw how his face changed when he saw you, I knew it was time to let someone in on this."
"Monika!" I chuckled nervously, feeling my face warming up.
The ends of the knight's lips curled just slightly further up her cheeks, as if amused by my flustering. Not only was this an AI responding this way, but it was caused by another AI created by an entirely different company. How close were we to lifelike replication?
"I do not think it ever occurred to me, the idea of a human with an elf – Forest or Dark…"
"I'm not too keen on Monika being the one to stir the pot," I admitted to her, as the hacker stared back at me with an unamused expression, "So, it's nice to know you've already got it simmering."
Monika snickered as I winked at the elf – it seemed that I caught the schoolgirl off-guard for once.
"You never know," Kizmel answered as she sat closer to the heater, "That just might be a stew that I could have a taste for…"
I flinched slightly at her sultry tone, and looked at Monika again. Somehow, another AI was flirting back, with one-liners that I could never anticipate. I shook the existentialism out of my head, and returned my gaze to the knight's face.
Once it got around to 5PM, Kizmel walked with me to the mess tent, as it would have been called in traditional military context, to dine with her. Monika returned to her invisible, intangible state since we were passing near the view of the bathing tent, where Kirito was waiting outside – it seemed as though Asuna took his offer on my advice to him, and he would ensure she was not interrupted.
Roast chicken, vegetable soup, fresh fruit, and lightly baked bread – I had a modest portion of each before settling on a little more chicken. Only a couple minutes later, Kirito and Asuna joined us, the former admitting he focused on scrubbing rather than relaxing when it came to his turn.
"Yeah, I'm gonna need a brain-scrubbing after all is said and done," I commented in jest.
After we ate, Kirito and Asuna headed back to Kizmel's tent, while she and I remained seated to talk about the ways I differed from them – feeling strongly that my entire being was completely alien to the two, somehow.
Me being 25. Them being likely in their mid-teens. Being from a country far south of theirs. Having to learn their language prior to entering this world. Culture, social norms, even the fact that I had some anomalous entity doting on me, who no-one else could see. It was like we were from different worlds altogether, nevermind having met in this one…
"You do not need to concern yourself with these things," Kizmel told me, "You are helping them with their goals, yes? And they are there for you, too. You three made it here together, and that is all you need to continue – sticking together."
I could only shrug. "It's something, I guess. I just think it would be weird if we were too close."
The dark elf grinned as she stood up. "Do not worry – you can forget all about those concerns. Your sense of closeness can be directed away from them, to others."
I raised an eyebrow. "I figured as much. But how do I accomplish that?"
She saved her words, simply gesturing for me to follow her out of the dining tent, and over to the bathing tent instead. I gave her a puzzled look at first, but as I approached the entrance, she ushered me through and then followed me inside.
She passed by me and headed for the countertop upon which sat pots of soap and shampoo, before turning back to me and waving me over. I hesitantly walked over, and then she touched the jewel on her shoulder strap, causing her armor to dematerialize in much the same way as my menu would do for mine, leaving a skintight, silky black suit on her, which then also disappeared with a light jingle.
Glancing hesitantly back at the tent flap, I saw Monika – once again dressed in the starting tunic, the one piece of evidence I had from this distance that she was in her corporeal state once more.
"This is quite the escalation, don't you think, SAUER?" giggled the gorgeous hacker.
"You could say that," I chuckled nervously as I opened my menu, and unequipped my armor, then my standard clothing, and finally my underwear, "Although, I think your arrival only emphasizes it."
"I'm sure this experience is something of a shock to you, SAUER," Kizmel commented as she scooped a handful of soap from its pot, "Just relax. It is what you need – just relax."
Interestingly-timed reiteration, I thought to myself, as Kizmel spread the thick, creamy liquid on her skin, and it foamed up rapidly on her back. I watched her continue to apply it, as I heard yet another unequipping sound, and felt skin against my own back.
"Are you just going to stare all evening, darling, or will the soap eventually come off?"
"Very funny, Monika," I sighed before flinching as she lathered me herself, while Kizmel took it upon herself to cover the extracted dating sim mascot in suds, "Let's face it, I've never been this close to visuals like this."
The dark elf grinned as she turned away. "Well, however you look at things, it will not be enough to simply use your eyes. Come on, into the water."
I hesitated as I watched her walk to the tub, before Monika nudged me forward. Once Kizmel was submerged, I followed, sliding gingerly into the water before Monika settled in beside me.
With a woman on either side of me, I was frozen – the water was warm, but I couldn't move.
"You sure are all nerves, huh?" chuckled Kizmel, softly into my right ear.
"I'm going to burn them all out," threatened Monika into my left, "Of course, I will need help…"
"O-Okay…"
The schoolgirl brushed her fingers on my chest. "Just lean back, and let us take care of everything."
"…Alright…"
"Just relax…" I heard to my left, and it was repeated from my right. "Just relax…"
"Sure..."
"Just relax," repeated Monika from my left, fingers brushing across my chest.
"Yeah, got it."
Kizmel leaned in on my right, chest divided by my bicep. "Just relax."
"Uh-huh."
"Just relax—"
"OKAY, I GET IT!" I snapped at last, my immersion gone, "I understand what happened next!"
"Don't you like it?" chuckled the boy to whom I was listening for the last three hours.
"Well, sure, I'd normally enjoy the company of two women, but—" I snarled in frustration as I then slammed my now-cold coffee on the ground, "I shouldn't even be discussing that with you!"
"What did we learn?" he asked as he leaned back on the bench.
I took a deep breath, before a defeated sigh. "Placing myself into a dangerous situation that I only learned the details of in retrospect, is inherently selfish, and any attempt to relive experiences that weren't my own, to fantasize about the potential of otherwise-unseen outcomes, will come off as cringy and oftentimes nonsensical."
"Well, isn't that a speedy recovery!" the boy chuckled as I sheepishly picked up the paper cup, along with the lid a few feet away, "Doesn't it feel good to have that weight off your shoulders?"
"Weight?" I looked up at him as I stood upright, then down as I was taller, "It was more a morbid curiosity than a serious fascination. You didn't need to depict me as a self-insert smut author."
"Listen, mate, it was a chore to sit here for this long and tell you," he hissed as he swiped the cup and lid from me, "how you would have played SAO if you were in it. Do I get no credit?"
As he disposed of the items in a nearby recycling-approved container, I sat back down with a sigh.
"You really helped me see what was wrong with my speculation. I don't know where this random jab came from, that I would need to bring a meta-narrative horror character to life in order to survive a death game. I play ALO pretty well, and that game's progression system is much more limited."
He shrugged. "Well, you win some, you lose some. What matters is that the real point got across."
"Besides, there's another bait-and-switch dating horror now—"
"Yeah, I know – MiSide," the teenage narrator answered, "I haven't been back in the real world for long enough to really pick up on the traditional-control platforms' current market."
I nodded in understanding. "You've had a lot of other stuff to do, I get it."
"No you don't get it – that's why I had to tell you a cringy story about you fucking an elf and a schoolgirl."
"Thank you for keeping this conversation in English," I hastily replied as I looked around at passersby along the streets of Tokyo, "And thanks for the confirmation that self-inserts are not fun."
"To be fair, I don't know many people who think about self-inserting into a historical tragedy."
"Oh come on, I felt bad enough!" I groaned as I looked to the other side of the road. Hearing a buzz, I turned to my new friend as he pulled out his phone. "I'm guessing they're waiting for you at Dicey."
"Yeah, they just arrived," he answered with a smile, "We wrapped this up just in time, then!"
"Yeah, that's pretty cool," I chuckled weakly, before another sigh.
"You know, I could skip that scene and continue."
I turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "You had more after that?"
"Yeah – if awkward sex scenes narrated by a 16-year-old didn't make you painfully uncomfortable, where else could I have gone? And you being 27 at this point—"
"28 – it's May, already, dude."
"Not helping your case," he got me there, "But I could have gone on with how Monika would alter your dice rolls, so to speak…"
"Would you have stopped after today? You couldn't have walked me through 100 floors…"
"75. It's a long story – one that I could still tell you," he responded with a smirk.
"Even still, we'd have been here until sundown. And then I'd have some explaining to do for your mum…"
"No worries – I wasn't going to take you that far," the boy chuckled reassuringly, "If we got there, I would have had you get a Teleport Crystal as soon as they were able to drop, and then Monika was going to edit the input coordinates to take you to an easy shortcut, for all the players to escape."
"Ah, that's pretty smart," I complimented him before hearing his phone vibrate again, "Hey… when you were telling me that story about myself, did you come up with placeholder names and identities for players I would meet? Kirito, Asuna, Agil – were they all real?"
The boy just laughed. "Why don't you come along? It'll give you some closure before you go."
I blinked a few times as he began walking toward the crosswalk. "Closure…"
"Come on! Maybe sometime, I can tell you what really happened. Then you can envision all of the correct faces and proportions."
I rolled my eyes, sighed, and followed my new friend to the café. Whether it was right of him to offer impromptu invitations, he was right about one thing: self-insert main characters never work.
A/N: Well, there you go! Sorry if the meta-narrative was a bit abrupt, I only thought of it when I was falling behind in this chapter and realized I needed to wrap up, so I did as much foreshadowing as I could in the fourth and fifth Word pages before the reveal in the sixth, and the proper wrap-up in the seventh. I also wanted the post-reveal discussion to be longer, as I like to write a minimum of nine pages, and a maximum of twelve (I may go over twelve when I'm really interested in a scene and can't think of how to make a cliffhanger out of it).
This work was always intended as closure for my escapist fantasy problem, to resolve my mental conflicts regarding my self-insert attempt in Virtual Immigration. I was using this story to unshackle myself from the obsession of being in the SAO world, at least in a role central to the plot of a fanfiction. This was a journey of healing, after I cried many times in early 2024 shortly after giving up on my first published work. I was upset that I couldn't pull off a half-decent self-insert, not because I wanted myself to be special, but because I just wanted to be a part of the world imagined by Reki Kawahara.
However, after much procrastination, some medical delays, and a complete absence of passion for this idea, I ended up finding myself face-to-face with the imminent first day of March, and my failure to finish this work that I vowed would end in February. As such, I decided to recontextualize the entire premise with the last couple scenes of this chapter, such that I could end it sooner and still have it technically "finished". Yes it's a cop-out, no I'm not proud of it.
On the other hand, in coming up with the exchanges in the last scene, I ended up realizing that it was an even better fit for my 'closure' as one of many authors who had previously attempted self-insert. Now, whether that comes across narratively in the chapter itself, I can't really say. Again, I'm sorry if it was too confusing.
Anyway, now that this is out of the way, I'm looking toward my next project. I have a few ideas, but I don't know which one to do next. Should I take a break and try one of my ideas from another franchise? Or should I just go for broke and try a proper SAO fanfiction attempt without a narcissistic bias? Unfortunately FFN is the only one of the sites I post on that has a poll system, but I'm too lazy to do anything with that. So, your best bet at reaching me aside from a review or comment, is at the SAO Fanfiction Central server on Discord, accessible with the "Nq8xrbYFEw" invite code. Plenty of other (far better) authors are there, some of whom are on the front page of SAO fanfiction searches on each site, and some even have TV Tropes pages. Come to the server, support those guys, roast me, tell me what to do next, and discuss interests and funny stuff, typical Discord conversation.
Thank you for making it this far, and helping me notice my mistakes. Until next time - as some on the server would say - you just got Low-Res'd.