Chapter 1
[We open to a dark room. The room consists of a couch, table, and a 95 inch TV. A door opens as people enter the room and sit down. As soon as the last person enters, the lights turn on and the main characters of the show appear with Brad, wearing his iconic outfit in the series with a wedding ring on his left index finger, talking to the viewer.]
Brad: Hi everyone! You're probably wondering why the cast's here in this room. Well, Rob Renzetti, our creator, has decided to give you the chance to see how we performed in this series that almost made it.
[Tuck elbows Brad]
Tuck: Brad. Some fans are still sore about that.
Brad: Oh, sorry.
Jenny: Yeah, Brad. Can you please not upset the fanbase when talking about our work?
Sheldon: Now, now, Jenny, dear. We have our slip-ups. Try to remember what Chris Reccardi told us.
Jenny: Yeah. "It's just a TV show. Don't be so uppity".
Sheldon: Exactly.
[We see Jenny and Sheldon, holding hands and laughing, before calming down to continue with their commentary. Jenny sports a white blouse, turquoise maxi skirt, royal blue open toe stilettos, gold bangle bracelets on both arms, 4 rings on her fingers (one on her left hand and 3 on her right), dangling earrings with XJ-9 figures, and a "Jenny purse" (a purse modeled after the titular robot's face). Sheldon, on the other hand, wears a white shirt with an "edgelord" Agent Xero/Lacey Shadows logo on it, a yellow/black sweater with the logo "Wakeman Labs" on the back, charcoal slacks, blue socks, gray/cobalt oxfords, 8 rings on each finger (except his thumbs), blazing red stylish glasses, and several katanas in their respective scabbards.]
Brad: Yeah. One thing to consider, folks, is that Jenny is in a relationship with Sheldon. And is a human.
Jenny: Correction, married to this intellectual husband of mine. Also, I'm pregnant. My belly only looks thin because of an invention my family invented for me. Besides, it's just TV, nothing's real.
Sheldon: Um, Jenny, I think Brad was referring to the fact that your character is a robot and you're a human.
Jenny: Yes, well, a lot of bombshells will be revealed in this commentary. But first, let's introduce ourselves to those unfamiliar. I'll go first. I'm Jennifer Wakeman, I'm the proud mother of four adorable kids with another two twins coming this way. I'm happily married to my hubby, Sheldon here, who's also in the show, and I play the character XJ-9, the kick-butt robot who also seeks to be one with her fellow teens.
Brad: The name is Brad. Brad Carbunt. I have the role of Brad Carbuckle, the airheaded but trustworthy sidekick of XJ-9 herself. Accompanying me in my misadventures, mostly done by me, is my real life brother Tuck. I'm also married to Melody, a 5 star actress, in her own right, whose first role on the show was the android created by Dr. Locus. We're also happily married and raising a boy. His name is . . . huh? I can remember what his name is? Give me a minute.
Tuck: Brad! If we spent the day trying to remember your kid's names then the fanbase will get bored.
Brad: Oops. Sorry. Long story short, me and my brother play as Jenny's friends who, unfortunately, get involved or cause most of our misadventures.
[We then turn our attention to Tuck, now a young adult, wearing a black shirt, a purple hoodie with Baron Vain and Rat by each others backs titled "The Gang Life", blue jeans, black shoes, black shades, an earring on his right side, a hat that says "GOLD", and a gold plated beretta]
Tuck: Forgive him. My big brother can lose track sometimes. I'm Tuck Carbunt. I was the scared and overly obnoxious pint size kid named Tuck Carbuckle. I have since decided to lose any trace of that horrible typecasting and make myself so unrecognizable that even older members of the fanbase might have divided reactions over this change. Also, the hat that says "GOLD" on it stands for "Gang Of Larceners & Destructors". It was the evil organization both Baron Vain fruitlessly joined and Agent Xero had to defeat during the show's final seasons.
Sheldon: I'm Sheldon Wakeman. Husband of Jenny Wakeman, everybody's favorite intellectual, former head of the writing department, and I play the role of the most underwritten character and whose presence makes people jeer and post "Death Eater" fanfics, Sheldon Lee Oswald, the awkward yet reliable member of the gang who harbors a tremendous crush on the titular robot.
[The door opens and the sound of stilettos clicking echo the room]
?: To be fair, most of his actions were the result of network executives not understanding Renzetti's artistic direction. That's why Sheldon came off as creepy. Personally, to those who still see him as that, shut up! This Sheldon is way different than that Sheldon!
Sheldon: Jeanine?
Brad: Jeanine?
Tuck: Jeanine?
Jenny: Sis?
[Jeanine, a lookalike of her sister with Dr. Wakeman's signature yellow lab coat with the "Wakeman Labs" logo on the backside, yellow heels, red lips, 20 diamond rings on each finger, a pair of diamond earrings, another pair of dangling earrings with palladium gears, another pair of dangling earrings with Nora Wakeman's signature nose, and two purses, one modeled after a gear cog and another with the Wakeman Labs logo, walks towards the group, sits on the left side of her sister and hugs Sheldon passionately]
Jeanine: Hey, sis. How's our hubs?
Jenny: He's fine as you can see and feel.
[Jeanine looks towards the viewers' screen]
Jeanine: What, you people thought he married Jenny? He's in a group marriage with me, Jenny and our two sisters. Also, we aren't twins, just two "identical looking" sisters with different personalities. I mean, we have the same red hair but mines flow down to my shoulders while Jenny's are those titular pigtails.
Sheldon: Exactly! Also, Genevieve and Jenora. Where are they?
Jeanine: They're home, Sheldy. (sing-songy) Remember, someone has to take care of the children.
Sheldon: Right, the kids. Is it Janice?
Jeanine: No, Janice isn't born yet. She's still inside Genevieve.
Sheldon: Oh. Then, it's Quentin?
Jeanine: No, Sheldon. Quentin is our unborn child. Jenny's kids consist of Rob, Candi, Audrey, and Norio. Ours are Reccardi, Blum, Eartha, Doreck, Moira, Cree, Flynn, Masako, and Sandy.
Sheldon: Oh, right. And Quentin will be our tenth child.
Brad: Uh, Sheldon, how many kids do you actually have?
Sheldon: Well, given the fact that my four spouses all love my sincerity, charisma, and intellectuality, a lot. I lost count after Jeanine's seventh birth, Jenny's third birth, and Genevieve's twins came out. Also, Genevieve and Jenora believe in "natural protection".
Tuck: Natural protection? As in condoms?
Sheldon: Yep! They're biological scientists first, screenwriters second. To them, they're trying to prove if superfetation is as rare as science says. Also, Jeanine introduced them to me when the show was in need of screenwriters.
Jeanine: And you never regretted it since.
Sheldon: No I haven't.
Tuck: Can we get back to the commentary before the fanbase asks "certain questions"?
[Everyone agrees before the screen turns on and immediately the theme song plays as everyone remembers the good old days]
Brad: Those were the days.
Tuck: Back when life with Mister Renzetti was amazing and the studio wasn't wasting their resources with some hyped up show.
Jeanine: Hey, sis. Remember who wrote the lyrics to this song?
Sheldon: You did?
[Jeanine kisses Sheldon on the lips]
Jeanine: You're close but we'll talk about it next time.
[They continue watching the introduction. As soon as the title card shows "It Came From Next Door", the cast explains immediately.]
Brad: Okay, first things first. Anyone here remembers the original pilot for the show. The one with the clunky looks?
Tuck: Oh, right. The pilot was titled "My Neighbor was a Teenage Robot". Anyway, that episode was strange yet amusing.
Sheldon: Can I see the original pilot?
Jenny: Sorry dear. The original is lost to the sands of time.
Sheldon: Say, since I wasn't in the writer's room yet, who wrote the pilot?
Jeanine: It was all Rob Renzetti. From the screenplay to the direction.
[A scene from the pilot shows as the cast continues talking]
Jenny: Oh, cripes, not the pilot. I still remember my flub-ups. Especially the horrendous green screen acting done by yours truly.
Brad: To be fair, the pilot was Renzetti's first attempt to make a hit new show after Mina and the Count ended in failure.
Jeanine: Poor Mina. Can't believe that count was doing those things.
Brad: No one could ever figure out what that count was thinking.
Jenny: As for Mina?
Brad: She quit the show, left the studio, and no one, not even Rob Renzetti, knows where the little girl is.
Tuck: You sure it was the count? Some sources I know state it was that hunchback fella?
[They continue watching when Brad starts talking about the scene with Tuck]
Brad: I remember this scene correctly. It took me a lot of tries to make a serious face. You remember that right.
Tuck: How can I not? You were guffawing everytime the camera pointed at you. After 56 takes, you looked at the camera so seriously, the stagehand was wondering what made you angry all of a sudden.
[They continue watching and after reaching the part where Tuck enters the house with the broken robots, Tuck speaks while the scene continues playing]
Tuck: You know, looking back at this, I feel like the scene with the broken robots should've been scarier. Like an uncanny valley scary. The type that would make the viewer flinch out of unknown fear rather than abstract silliness. As a young adult viewing this, most of the rotting robots look goofier than frightening.
Jenny: (concerned) Do you really hate your role in the show?
Tuck: Jennifer, all I asked was for a little bit of character development instead of being tagged "the scared cat" trope. Instead, an executive dismissed this by stating "kids will like you for your silliness" and "our ratings will skyrocket with your scaredy-cat acting".
[When they reach the part with Jenny picking up the baseball and giving the ball to Tuck only for him to scream and flee in terror, Tuck grabs the remote and presses mute on the entire scene]
Brad: Tuck! What gives!?
Tuck: I just want to skip those parts of me crapping my pants.
Jeanine: Tuck! Language! This is a kids show!
Tuck: I still meant what I said!
Sheldon: What happened in this part of the show?
Jenny: Tuck got scared when I tried to give him his baseball, ran outside, only for Brad to stop him and go back inside. Trembling, Brad decides to talk to my mom about getting it back only to get the cold shoulder.
Tuck: Yeah! All those times when I was babbling like some idiot, I ad libbed some more lines only for the producers to splice it up and put that on screen!
Brad: Also, that "cold shoulder scene" took 56 tries for Nora. She was trying to maintain some stoicness when conversing with me but it left her wanting to laugh. I mean, if you see the scene just right, you can clearly see her maintaining a straight face.
Jeanine: It's true. I still remember her saying that it took 56 tries to get that right. I remember I was backstage laughing during the 6th, 14th, 33rd and 34th time that flub up continued.
Brad: What was the 33rd time?
Jenny: If memory suits me correctly, it was the one involving Brad improvising his lines while Chris Reccardi threw a hissy fit over a cameraman's screwup.
Jeanine: I'm pretty sure that was the 45th time?
Brad: Oh wait, it was the one involving the constant ringing of a cell phone and Rob Renzetti's accidental cameo.
Jenny: No Brad, that was the 13th.
Tuck: Did one of them involve a coffee spill or "the wire entanglement of '03"?
Sheldon: Say, let's continue with the commentary. I mean, we have time to discuss the incidents that took place in the studio for another day.
[They then get to the scene where Nora Wakeman gets into an argument involving her daughter violating her rules]
Tuck: So, are we going to talk about Nora Wakeman?
?: It's okay, Tuck. I think my presence alone will quell those questions.
[In walks Nora, wearing her iconic outfit in the show, walking towards the couch to sit with the cast.]
Nora: Hello, there. My name is Nora. Nora Milo. I play as the caring, but often beleaguered, caretaker of the XJ-9 unit. I am also a seasoned voice actress on the side and have numerous podcasts detailing the ins and outs of Rob Renzetti Productions.
Tuck: Wait, you were real? I heard a rumor on set that Jeanine was playing a dual role of both Jenny and Nora.
Brad: Oh, Tuck. Studio rumors are just overworked employees conjuring details to each other based on miscommunication.
Tuck: Dude, stop being Sheldon and speak English!
Brad: The rumors are nothing but lies based on the wrong place, wrong time.
Tuck: Oh yeah, then how do you explain this!?
[Tuck gets up, goes towards Jeanine, rips out her clothing to find something Jeanine hid. Unfortunately, all that was revealed was Jeanine's yellow and white polka-dotted swimsuit, toe rings, tattoos on her arms (left arm says "Wakeman sisters" while her right arm says "4 LIFE") and a big belly. Embarrassed, Sheldon goes with Jeanine to a separate room and returns back with the clothes she came in, sits back down with her sister and husband as Tuck, red with shame, apologizes to the Wakemans and sits on his side of the couch.]
Brad: Well, Tuck, have you learned anything?
Tuck: On set rumors are lies.
Jenny: (crossed) Exactly! Also, was that my swimsuit, Jeanine?
Jeanine: Yeah. I had to borrow it. Fits well with my current pregnancy. (feels something) Hmm, yeah. That baby inside is kicking.
Sheldon: Let me feel it.
[Sheldon and Jenny feel Jeanine's stomach and immediately Quentin pokes the skin with his finger thus making the family glee.]
Brad: So, are we going to ask why this happened?
Nora: Well, to make this short, Mister Renzetti was trying to find an actress who'll perform as Jenny's mom. Unfortunately, finding the perfect old woman to play the role was easier said than done. Almost all potential actresses who came in for casting just never fit the man's expectations, except for that one woman, what's her name, Cameron something. Rob said: "I wished she joined but 'conflicting schedules' and all". Eventually, I walked into the studio, asked for the position as Nora Wakema, gave them my blazing performance, and the rest was history.
Sheldon: Also, Jenny performed as XJ-9 in the original pilot. As the series rolled over, the two sisters decided to switch roles as a dare and the rest was history.
Jeanine: As much as my sister enjoyed her performance, she wasn't tough enough to handle the "muscular activities" the robot can do in a flash.
Jenny: Yeah, well, (clears her voice to sound like Mrs. Wakeman) at least my Nora Wakeman voice is a lot smoother than yours ever was in that scene.
[Jeanine clears her voice to speak like Nora to her sister]
Jeanine: Watch it, sis! I am the lead actress in the show while you were just an imitator trying to take my brilliant acting and perverting it to mind numbing dribble. If it weren't for that dare, your XJ-9 episodes would take 4 weeks because of a boo-boo from punching a rock. Besides, that scene clearly was me in my groove.
Jenny: Well, if you listened to the unfiltered audio in episodes 3, 6, and 8, you can clearly hear lisping and ad-libs while trying not to look stiff.
Jeanine: I woke up with a bad back because someone took my second mattress because of a bed wetting issue that never got resolved!
[Jenny reverts back to her regular voice]
Jenny: I told you, I spilled water on my bed!
[Jeanine does this too]
Jeanine: You know, our mom was right about you! You always were always jealous of me and my brilliance!
Jenny: Oh, brilliance. I worked my butt off to get a talent agent. I remember that one time when I was 4 and performed a tap dancing recital in front of numerous judges. After that, you simply showed off from your triple dancing, violin playing, and alto singing performance!
Jeanine: Yeah! Because your performance stunk! At the very least, my act gave us a shining chance to get into the role of our lives!
Jenny: Arrogant!
Jeanine: Impersonator!
Jenny: Show-off!
Jeanine: Puppet!
Both sisters: I want to beat you SENSELESS!
Sheldon: Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! ENOUGH! (sigh) This has to be the 678th . . .
Nora and Brad: 9,831st.
Sheldon: . . . time you two got into a fight over acting abilities! Can't the two of you please get along for once!? We're doing a commentary on past episodes for goodness sake!
[The sisters calm down, get up, head to a corner with their respective husband, and apologize for their behavior]
Jenny: (offscreen) I'm sorry, sweetums. I didn't mean to throw a tantrum in front of everyone.
Jeanine: (offscreen) (sigh) Sheldon. How do you cope with our outbursts?
Sheldon: (offscreen) I listen to your arguments, I listen to Jenny's counter arguments, and, unlike every other failed therapist appointment we've been in, I try not to pick a side, take a deep breath, and remind you two that if one of you left the show, that would cause more harm than good! Yes Jenny, Jeanine is a bit of a show-off, but had it not been for her giving you some constructive criticism, you wouldn't have the acting chops to make the Jenny scenes come to life. But Jeanine, your sisters' work has gotten some fanbases to identify the XJ-9 character as a stand-in for LGBTQIA life. I still remember that fan letter describing how the show made them come out of the closet from watching "XJ-9 living her life" and you were moved when you and I read it. But that wouldn't have happened had it not been for the teamwork of the writing staff and actors. My point, you two, and to an extent, your other two sisters, are necessary for each other and it aggravates me how you two argue over something idiotic as "great acting". What if our kids witnessed this? How are you going to tell Eartha Wakeman about why her two moms are bickering? If anything, she might think you two are talking about her.
[The sisters become alert and remember their born and unborn babies and how they might catch wind of their incessant bickering.]
Sheldon: (offscreen) Now, let's head back to the commentary before things get sour.
[Immediately, the two head back to the couch, sit down, hold Sheldon's hands, and continue watching the episode when the spouses witness how they skipped the entire Jenny and Nora conversation concerning the robot's need to go outside. Eventually, Brad pauses the part where she says "My name is Jenny" and he enters the room via the window]
Sheldon: So, how far did we skip?
Tuck: All the parts involving the C class meteorite.
Jeanine: Right. Well, that was tricky in the filming session. I think it took me and my sister 68 times. Right?
Jenny: Sort of. 109 times.
Brad: 109?
Jenny: The first 60 times were the ones involving my sister and me getting the drama groove right.
Jeanine: More mother/daughter drama than two sisters fighting over the last slice of pizza.
Sheldon: Woah. That's a blast from the past. Thank goodness for Lenny.
Tuck: Wait, there was pizza?
Sheldon: It wasn't pepperoni, Tuck. It was half chicken/broccoli and half onion/peppers.
Tuck: At the very least, save me a slice.
Brad: Tuck. We had pizza one time on set and it was the latter pizza Sheldon described. As I recalled, you spat out the onions and plucked out the sliced green peppers onto Monroe's slice.
Tuck: I was a dumb kid with an underdeveloped tongue. Now, I crave more diverse toppings like lamb meatballs and burrata cheese.
Jeanine: Anyway, it was a struggle for me as my sister was trying to make XJ-9 sound like she's suffering instead of insufferable. I still have chills from rewatching this as those acting coaches from behind are not getting the scene right.
Jenny: My sister, for once, is right. I still remember the acting coach just groaning as his only words were "make it sound believable". Vague and unhelpful. I mean, if Jeanine was my coach, she'd say "make XJ-9 sound like some home-schooled teen who got a nice tank top and demands to go alone". Also, that scene where XJ-9 throws a fragment onto the fish tank, that one took 45 times. I kept missing the tank and hit stageworkers, acting coaches, Rob Renzetti that one time, and that one extra who went to hospital if memory serves me right.
Jeanine: Also, the one time it went to the fish tank, the rock sank straight down instead of sideways. Thankfully, the crew found a way. Plus, I think my motion suit here was showing itself.
Sheldon: Really?
Jeanine: I think so? I mean, my mask looks like it's loose. And is that a limp? Was I limping!?
Jenny: I don't think so. I remember this scene and you were walking just fine. Also, to answer the fanbase questions, me and my sister's XJ-9 appearances were the result of CGI. Wearing a motion capture suit, we'd done our scenes with the early CGI technology. Fortunately, Rob Renzetti had the money to buy the best motion suit and the direction to make sure our scenes were brilliant but not unnerving. As for flubs, well you can clearly see my hand missing there when I was impersonating my mom, right.
Brad: Huh?
Tuck: Huh?
Sheldon: To be fair, we were watching you put on the glasses, waiting for you to transform into your mother, instead of seeing the glove fall off your left hand.
Jeanine: Wait? There was a scene like that?
Sheldon: It was one of those parts that ended up on the deleted scenes reel in our First Season DVDs. A long scene in which XJ-9 transforms into Nora Wakeman and rants about why a "noodle incident" of long ago was the defining reason she saves the world in secret. Basically, an exposition dump that the network thought was unnecessary for the first episode.
Jeanine: Exposition dump? How is the reason why XJ-9 needs to hide from the public eye unimportant?
Nora: The executives were adamant that early knowledge about the show will make the audience groan in disappointment.
Sheldon: (impersonates an executive) "We, the audience, don't want to learn, we want to laugh"!
Jeanine: Ugh! I hate those executives! They enter the set with hand written notes they give to Rob. One of them includes "make Nora build a robot brother for XJ-9 so the male audience can feel empowered". Leaves a sour aftertaste in my mouth.
Brad: Or how about "have Brad say a catchphrase like 'audacious' or 'Brad-tastic' ".
Tuck: That's nothing compared to one executive insisting "Tuck doesn't feel like he's contributing to the plot. Remove him by episode 5 and replace him with a robot sidekick from robot planet #97."
Jenny: Well, one note says "Jenny's performance is pathetic. Nobody's going to be swayed by a loser twin who can't show bombast. Replace her with a professional voice actress who knows how to enunciate 'hello' right".
[Everyone, even Jeanine, were stunned from the revelation as Sheldon shakes his head in disbelief anger]
Sheldon: The nerve of that executive. I'm glad we got rid of them by season 4.
Tuck: Yeah. After that, we were in charge.
Brad: Well, then season 8 happened and then it ended.
Sheldon: Well, Chris Reccardi was in charge of another show, The Modifyers, and he needed writers to make that show memorable. As the head writer, I was sent there and never got the time to make this series continue. Once I've seen season 8, unfortunately, I was livid from how it was handled. But that's for another time. Now we continue.
[They continue watching the episode and get to the scene where Brad and Jenny talk about how the two of them are different, step outside and Tuck tries to "save" his brother from the robot]
Brad: Ah, yes! That scene. I remember improvising those lines as I completely forgot the original script.
Jenny: Ah, yeah. I also remember you trying not to laugh when you were glaring at my motion capture suit.
Brad: Jenny, it was a blue costume with white balls on it. That smile in every other scene was my failed attempt at laugh resistance. Over time, I looked at that suit you wore as a normal piece of clothing.
Jenny: That does explain how you managed to look serious during the later episodes.
Brad: And then there's Tuck.
Tuck: I want to say out front, this scene bothers me. I remember one staff worker told me to kick something out of frustration and recite the line "Get off my brother, you evil robot" or something. The fact that they lied to me to make that scene my introduction towards the protagonist is so jarring. I'm convinced another actor said those lines instead of me.
Jenny: Tuck, you really need to understand that your character's first introduction is to mistake me for a dangerous robot.
Tuck: I just feel like I was supposed to see you as a friend from the very beginning instead of this schlocky mess!
[The gang watches the rest of the episode and they see the montage of Jenny, Brad, and Tuck having fun with Jenny's robot features getting the brothers in laughable hijinks.]
Jenny: Oh my goodness. That skateboard scene was hard. If I recall, you were afraid of getting involved in that stunt, Tuck.
Brad: That was a stunt?
Tuck: In either case, the executives were afraid that some kids might imitate this so I was replaced with a stunt actor. I mean, if you can slow down the footage, you can clearly see the stunt actor in my place.
Jenny: As for the hacky sack scene, that required my sister, Jeanine.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah. You two told me about this several times.
Jeanine: Yup. You had trouble hitting the sack since your foot was too small so I, someone with a medium size foot, performed this scene in my sister's place. In fact, if you watch the blooper reel and this scene slowly at the same time, you can clearly see the difference.
Tuck: By the way, I had underwear below that scene. I just grabbed the undies from Jenny as per Rob's direction.
Brad: That ice-cream truck driver, BTW, was one of our camera-people, Ivan Sarino. He chose to look like that driving because he thinks that's what frustrated ice-cream men should look like towards children.
Sheldon: I like Ivan. He came with me during an episode of The Modifyers.
[They continue watching and immediately get to the scene where Jenny awkwardly tries to eat the cone so as to not make Tuck unnerved.]
Tuck: You know, that scene was not in the script. That was added by Rob to make my character have development throughout the episode. That look, however, took 55 times. The first 43 times was me getting the look right. The other 11 times was the cone I'm eating not melting. By the time we reached the 55th, the editors, as memory recalls, were trying their best to remove the melting ice cream bits. One editor, Keith Warner, told me that they spent 3 days, plus overtime, to re-edit the scene due to the cream bits in my hand being difficult to erase.
Brad: Wow. At the very least, those editors were paid for their amazing work.
Jenny: Some editors, Brad. There were non-union workers in the production of the show.
Jeanine: And then you-know-who came in and unionized the workforce.
Sheldon: With a little help from Brad of course. The Wakeman/Carbuckle Union. But that's another story for another time.
[The cast continue watching and get to the scene where Jenny hears the alarm system via her built in satellite]
TV Jenny: Not this again. These C class whosits always burn up. . .
Alert system/Wakeman family: WARNING! METEOR WILL NOT BURN UP IN THE ATMOSPHERE. IT'S MASS HAS BEEN INCREASED BY A HACKY SACK! METEOR IS NOW CLASS D: PLANET DESTROYER. FIVE MINUTES BEFORE EARTH IS DESTROYED!
Jenny: Well, unless I destroy the meteor, I'll be replaced with another model unit.
[They continue watching the episode and where Jenny flies to space to fight the meteor, the cast members talk]
Jenny: So, this was a scene that I didn't have the confidence for. The fight sequence was too exhausting as far as scenes go. I remember the studio crew wanted me to get serious with the punches rather than make it look simple. Eventually, Jeanine went in and gave the crew a fight so grandiose that most of those unused fight scenes were sent to the deleted scenes reel.
Jeanine: It was at that time, me and my sister decided to switch roles in the effort to give us our permanent positions on the show. I would put on the motion capture suit and play as XJ-9 in combat while she plays the android in passive scenes. The rest is history afterwards. Anywho, my fight sequences are top-notch. I never half-butted anything when it comes to my punches, kicks, and self-defense tactics. After all, we married a man whose family is of samurai lineage.
Sheldon: That came later in the series. To those who think karate, you're so stereotypical and racist. It's called kendo and most of the TV Jenny's self defense or fighting came out of Jeanine's kendo training. I mean Jenny also did some kendo training but never uses it on screen.
Jenny: Just not in this season. The later seasons, on the other hand, was used to its full force. But we'll leave it like that when we get to "Escape from Cluster Prime".
[Brad continues playing the episode as XJ-9 grabs the meteorite to slow down the impact and it disintegrates to ash. Jeanine pauses and explains the entire bit]
Jeanine: This was a tough scene. That part where I held the meteor was way too easy. The part where the thrusters were trying to slow down was also easy. The part I say was difficult was my accomplishment pose. It took me a long time to get that distinct pose. This wasn't done on the first try, unlike my other performances. This one took precision because I wanted XJ-9 to feel like she did her mission with brilliance rather than outright luck. The soot on myself also contributed to the difficulty of this scene. This took 32 tries because the soot always got into my face and I sneezed or coughed when doing my victory pose. And then there's Tuck. Poor, poor Tuck. I am not happy with the result and had it not been for Bertha, I'd cringe from that one scene.
Tuck: What are you talking about?
[Jeanine plays the episode and shows Tuck his part of him covered in soot, gasping for air and collapsing to the floor. Tuck pauses out of embarrassment and tries to rationalize the entire moment]
Tuck: Okay! The reason I paused this was the amount of horror that would've been present had it not been for Bertha. That part involving me covered in ash was originally meant to be a joke instead of Brad overreacting. The original scene was that only my face was to be darkened, my lips were painted red, and my line was, and I kid you not, "Mammy".
[The cast just shake their heads in disappointment]
Sheldon: This was a decision from the network executives. According to Rob Renzetti, they wanted to add this "joke" because they found it "funny". Rob protested because of his stance on racial unity. The execs, unfortunately, told him.
Jeanine: "You either put this joke in your show or we cancel this chicken poop operation."
Brad: Fortunately, one of the executives, Bertha, had the common sense to see to it that the executive's vile take never sees the light of day. The one we see in this episode was all thanks to Bertha, who'll help us in another episode later down the line.
Sheldon: Yeah, that plus sized woman was wonderful. What happened to Bertha?
Jeanine: We'll talk about that when we get to Season 8, Sheldy.
[The cast continue watching as Brad holds a soot covered Tuck as he repeats Jenny's name like a broken record. Tuck grabs the remote and skips that part with Brad and Jenny glaring at him.]
TV Tuck/Tuck: Jenny . . . IS SO COOL! You should've seen her Brad. All her powers and weapons. She totally wasted that (fucking) rock!
[As the episode continues without any interruption, the cast talks]
Sheldon: Well, onwards to the next episode!
[The next episode "Pest Control" plays as the cast talks]
Sheldon: Ah! So, this is the episode that causes most of my wives discomfort. I can't wait to see how it ages well.
Brad: I know this was written by old guys but the name still eludes me to this day. Plus, I had a few lines in this episode.
[They watch the TV and get to the scene where Tuck is playing with toy car. Jeanine pauses soon after.]
Jeanine: Okay. This was a stressful one. I remember how I was instructed to lay down, with my head facing the camera, and let the toy car ride on top of me. Because of the remote control going haywire, I was antsy from the get go. Rob eventually calmed me down, insisting "remote control hijinks are far beyond this". But apart from that, you know the scene where Nora enters Jenny's room demanding to know what's happening was originally her entering the room wondering if Jenny's doing her daily monitoring when she spots this happening.
Nora: As for my angry face, that took 23 tries as I was instructed to make a face that wasn't "nightmarish". They went with my 4th try.
Jenny: And then Nora explains how Jenny's meant to protect the world and is instead used as a toy for someone's amusement. Kinda feels like ironic foreshadowing, sis.
Jeanine: It is ironic foreshadowing, sis.
[They get to the part involving the rats, the "experiments" Nora inflicted on them, and immediately hit pause before Vladmir can enact his plan]
Brad: So, should we talk about the wonderful acting talent of whomever did Vladmir the rat or should we talk about the "I can't believe we dodged a copyright violation lawsuit bullet"?
Tuck: Or should we talk about the unintentional creepy part of the episode?
Jenny: First things first, the part of the rat here was played by Anton Wasilewski. He's one of those random voices most people hear on commercials when he heard of this opportunity from his agent. He developed the voice based on soviet era films and knowing this was a rodent, he made him have this gloomy, semi-militaristic feel to it. By the time he did those scenes, we were left perplexed by his on-screen hamminess.
Brad: As for the copyright, we only had the rats turn into "a certain mouse", we never had Vladmir say "a certain mouse's" catchphrase in a squeaky tone. Therefore, the copyright lawsuit was dodged.
Sheldon: Well, all that said and done, what about "the creepy part of the episode".
[Brad and Tuck stay silent as they press play on the TV. They watch the scene where the rats try to make Jenny go to sleep. Afterwards, the swarm rushed towards the unconscious robot and commanded their battle stations. Both Jenny and Jeanine start squirming as they watch Vladmir and his rodent army invade the android. As the sisters hug Sheldon out of squeamishness, Brad tries to reassure them.]
Brad: Hey, don't worry. Rob and Chris told me those rats were CGI extras jumping into a hole with a tramp beneath it.
Jenny: Yeah, but this scene where multiple rats entering inside felt like someone "violating" my personal space, Brad.
Jeanine: It might be a show and Anton may be a wonderful actor, but looking at it now, I still felt like I was assaulted by some madman with no sense of decency.
[Even when TV Jenny wakes up and disposes the army out her body the sisters still cringe from watching, even as Sheldon hugs them. The rats then try to prevent her from disrupting their operation by biting off her wirings and making the robot malfunction. Jeanine tightens her grip on Sheldon as this is happening. By the time TV Jenny tries to gain some composure, Vladmir unscrews her head and hijacks the robot's body, making Jenny recite her lines in the show.]
TV Jenny/Jenny: Oh no you don't.
Vladimir: Let go of my toe!
TV Jenny/Jenny: No! That's my toe! (you baka)
[The cast continue watching the episode and get to the part where Tuck finds the disembodied head, assumes the worst, and tries to comfort the situation. Tuck Carbunt watches in a disgusted manner.]
Tuck: I really hated those scenes. I remember chewing this exact scene with the amount of ad-libbings that would make an improv group puzzled by the outcome. Also, that head was, in fact, made of plaster of paris. Rob wanted to make a bunch if we needed scenes where Jenny's head was needed for future episodes. It cost $450, took 54 weeks to make the several realistic robotic heads, and 4 weeks to destroy each of those heads. In fact, the scene where I take the head to my closet full of toys, in one of those scenes where we see Jenny's head are actually the plaster ones. I know this because if one watches those scenes where Jenny stood silent, you can clearly see the dents, chippings, and cracks from a sideways glance.
[They then get to the part where TV Tuck laments on his "tragedy" and Tuck covers his face in shame]
TV Tuck: Oh Jenny, you were the best freaky, creepy robot friend a boy could have!
Tuck: Oh, come on Hamlet, make the scene feel like you're in mourning! I swear, my biggest regret was upping the hamminess in this show. Why did I find that funny, I'll never know.
TV Jenny/ Sheldon: Hey, who're you calling creepy?!
Brad: Strange, I laughed when I first saw this. Even today, I get a chuckle.
Tuck: (sarcastic) Thanks, bro! I feel so happy when I dramatically explode all over the floor. It makes me ecstatic!
Brad: One more thing, I do see the crack in the plaster head.
Jeanine: This part involving my talking head was the result of timing, editing, and getting my lines right. Despite Sheldon saying it beautifully, that line was exhaustive. I still remember trying to mouth the words and going to the editing room to see if the plaster head synced with me.
[They get to the part where Vladmir confronts Wakeman over his transformation. Nora then explains the context in the scene]
Nora: Ahem. This was a chuckle of a scene. When I'm handed a script with some of my lines, I did a performance that was as lively as ever. For this particular scene, I was supposed to look at Vladmir, or Mister Scruffles, with a sense of concern over why he's in the robot's body. However, trying to read on paper and perform on camera are two very different things.
[Nora breaks down laughing before continuing]
Nora: Sorry. Sorry. So sorry about that. But, when I spoke the words aloud, I could barely contain my demeanor. I mean, Vladimir the rat looked kinda stupid instead of menacing. I know one time, I was laughing so hard, Anton had to sit me down and pat me on the back reminding me to "please control yourself" and "Mister Renzetti is scratching his head". After that, I regained my composure, spoke my lines professionally, and the scene here says it all.
TV Nora: Can't we discuss this over a plate of cheese?
Tuck: Um, you know rats can't digest cheese?
Vladimir: . . .Dime store cheese!
TV Nora: But it's imported.
TV Jenny/Jeanine: Hey, rat fink/Hey, fuck face! Let's get this show on the road.
[The cast watch the parts where Jenny in a toy car tries to defeat the mutant mice and they explain the entire process]
Jeanine: Okay. This was a harrowing process. In terms of editing and maneuvering. For editing, those moments where I was in the toy car were either me or those plaster heads. I'm pretty sure the part where I, Jenny, crashed into a wall was actually a plaster head that received numerous cracks on its facial area. Of course that's one problem. The other problem was the lipsyncing of the plaster heads but thank goodness there are few scenes involving me talking. The maneuvering, however, was the excruciating part.
Brad: Oh right. The toy car event.
Tuck: The one where Rob insists those were actual scenes where the toy car was moving and not copy and paste editing.
Jenny: For context sake, the remote control responsible for the toy car kept malfunctioning. Either it was a broken joystick, battery changes, or the antenna wasn't angled correctly. In either case, the results were back to back anguish as we tried to get the episode made already. Thank goodness we found the way. And that was . . .
TV Jenny/Jeanine: Hey, pierogi breath, come and get me/Privet! Pridi i voz'mi menya, ublyudok!
Jenny: Um, sis. Did you swear in Russian?
Sheldon: Yep. And if we translate that to you viewers, you'll probably get into trouble.
Tuck: Also, I know Anton did Vlad the rat but what about the other rats in this episode?
Jeanine: Most of them were extras. I think Vlad's comrade there was performed by the janitor, I think. I mean, he did have a tendency to speak in squeaky voices when he's all alone.
TV Nora: Where's Mr. Scruffles?
[Vlad sinks and Nora rushes in to save him]
Brad: Oh, right that part. The one where Nora jumps into the pool to fetch Vlad the rat with her teeth. You know that was one of those "we need to reshoot that scene".
Nora: That's because it was. I remember several incidents with that scene. One involved smiling at the camera rather than a serious face, another involving the "rat" in question being bitten by yours truly, the long hours it took for me to find said rat, and then there's the "naked footage".
Sheldon: Naked footage?
Tuck: The story goes, Nora jumps into the pool, an unknown nail was nearby said pool, her outfit gets caught, rips out her clothes, and Nora gets out with nothing but her underwear. The production staff were so aghast at this that they erased the footage and had to recreate it with only her head popping out.
TV Tuck: Gee, I know they were mutated vermin bent on destroying humanity. But, I can't feel a little sorry for them.
Tuck: (sarcastic) No, little me. They were upset over how science turned them into little disfigured, malicious, copyright infringement adjacent rodents with a mission that went nowhere!
Brad: Ahh! The first episode of the series.
Tuck: Kinda makes you wonder how the rest of the series will continue with this bunch of individuals holding the reins.
Jenny: Well, this was a blast from the past. We hope to intrigue you more about our performances later down the line.
Brad: Well, let's continue with the next episode.
Tuck: Until then, bye!
End of Chapter 1