'Did I reach her?' Kousei thought after he finished his performance. He was crying because he knew what was about to come but still denied it. Kaori's death. It felt so surreal that the girl he met last spring is going to die.
For the first few second, the whole crowd was silent but after that, they all erupted into cheers and many of them were crying, mostly adults, because they understood the meaning behind his performance.
All the cheering snapped Kousei back to reality. He realised he was just sitting there and doing nothing. He quickly stood up, bowed and then went to the backstage. Once, he was there, he quickly ran past Emi and Takeshi and to the Hikarigaoka Hospital.
He ran for about 30 minutes and arrived at the hospital. He was huffing and breathing heavily with his hands on his knees.
'Wow. Never thought I could run that fast.' He thought and went inside the hospital and to where the surgery was happening.
When he reached it, he peeked from the wall and saw the doctor talking to Kaori's parents and listened to what he was saying.
"I'm sorry Miyazono - san. But the operation was unsuccessful and Kaori - san couldn't survive. We tri-" Kousei didn't listen after this. What was even left to hear? He left there with a blank face and went to the fire exit area.
Once he reached there, the same broke. He screamed. He screamed and started crying and bawling his eyes out.
"Why? Why do everyone I love and want to protect leave me. First Mon and now Kaori. What did I do, God? What did I do to deserve this?" He asked the heavens.
He kept crying for what felt like hours and then finally had the courage to go see Kaori.
When he reached the reception, he asked for the doctor who operated on her and went to meet him.
Once outside his door, he knocked and heard a "come in" and went inside.
Inside he saw the doctor doing some paperwork. He(Kousei) said, "Excuse me, but can I please see Kaori Miyazono?"
The doctor said without looking, "You can't unless you are family."
"I'm not family but please let me." He said pleadingly.
The doctor started looking up and said, "I'm sorry but unless you ar-"
The doctor stopped mid sentence and Kousei was confused as to what he was saying. Meanwhile, the doctor was thinking, 'Black hair, check. Blue eyes, check. Wears a glasses, check. Well, looks like Kaori - san was talking about him.'
"Were you saying something?" Kousei asked.
"No. Nevermind. Tell me, are you Arima Kousei?" The doctor asked and Kousei was confused but still nodded.
"Alright. Kaori - san left me with a letter. I think it was for you." The doctor replied with a smile and handed Kousei a letter with kanji for Arima Kousei on the bottom.
"Thank you." Kousei simply said and walked out of the hospital to his home.
--
It's been a week since Kaori's funeral and Kousei was still crying. He couldn't go to her funeral as it was way to painful to see someone who filled his world with colour getting buried.
The sky was dark and it was raining heavily as if the heavens were crying for her loss.
He still hasn't opened the letter. Afraid of what was written in it. But today, he will open it face whatever she wanted to tell him.
He searched a few minutes for the letter and found. He carefully removed the seal so as to not tear anything.
In it, he found her handwriting and it read:
Hey, you!
I mean, Dear Kousei,
You were just here, and now I'm writing you a letter, kinda weird, right?
You're a mess, you know that? You're meek, and a quitter, and neurotic.
The first time I ever saw you, I was five years old. It was at a recital for the piano school I went to back then. You marched out onto that stage, and then made us all laugh by knocking over the bench. You sat on that giant piano, and with the first note you played, the world became more colorful. It was like you found a deluxe box of crayons on the keys, and tossed them everywhere Suddenly, the girl next to me starts bawling her eyes out.
And now you're gonna give it up? Like you never played in the first place? Hearing you that day changed my life, what do you think of that?
So I switched, then and there, no regrets.
When I found out we were at the same middle school, I was thrilled! How was I actually supposed to meet you, though? Buy egg sandwiches every day 'til you notice me? In the end, all I could do was watch you guys. You were friends, and I was some stranger. It wasn't my place to barge in, so I didn't.
I had surgery as a little kid, but I've never been totally well. After a bad fall in the seventh grade, I was in the hospital a bunch. Those hospitals stays got longer, bit by bit. I was hardly ever at school by then. Nobody said how sick I was exactly, but I knew it was bad.
Then one night, I saw my mom and dad crying down in the lounge, when they thought I was asleep. That's when I knew I didn't have much time.
I made a choice:
I ran. And I didn't look back!
I started living life exactly how I wanted, so I wouldn't be all mopey in heaven. Contacts are weird, but I tried 'em. Tried eating a whole cake by myself too, because why not? Music that used to boss me around? I played it my way!
And then…I told one single lie.
Are you ready for it? Here it comes: "Kaori likes Watari!"
Shocking, right? But I'm glad I told it. After all, Kousei, that lie brought us together.
Please tell Watari I'm sorry. Honestly though, I'm sure he's moved on to some other girl by now. That's just who he is. When it comes to friends, he's a great guy, but romantically, I want someone sincere.
Also, please tell Tsubaki that I'm sorry. It turns out I was just passing through. I didn't wanna leave a big mess behind, so I couldn't be totally be honest with her either. Think of it: "Hey Tsubaki, be a pal and introduce me to Arima, would ya?" That would have been a pretty messed up thing for me to ask for. I mean, everyone could tell that Tsubaki was crazy about you. Even before we were friends, I knew. The only ones who didn't get the memo were you and her.
When my lie finally brought the two of us together, you were different than I'd imagined: stubborn, and passive, and pessimistic. Not to mention the fact that you stole my leggings. Your voice was lower than I thought. You were a guy, you know? And you were gentle, no surprise there.
Remember when we jumped off that bridge? The river water felt amazing. And the moon shining down at the music room, like we could grab it on our tiptoes? When we raced that train, I really thought we could win! Singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" with you late at night felt kinda perfect. Being at school after dark, it's mysterious, right? And snow, it looks like cherry blossom petals!
You must think I'm silly, finding wonder in the everyday things around us, things I saw with you.
Isn't it funny how the most unforgettable scenes can be so trivial, and vice versa?
So what's the verdict?
Was I able to live inside someone's heart?
And this heart, it wouldn't happen to be yours, would it?
Do you think that…you'll remember me a little from time to time?
No hitting the reset button!
Don't you forget me, that's a promise, okay?
I'm glad we found each other.
Will I reach you?
I hope I can.
Here's the truth, Kousei:
I love you!
I love you!
I love you!
Sorry that I never ate those canelés, and that I beat you up so much. I was such a brat to you. I'm sorry for…everything.
Thank you.
P.S. I'm giving you one of my favorite pictures. You don't have to keep it, but I hope you do.
After reading the letter, Kousei was crying heavily while clutching the letter to his heart. He thought that he didn't have any tears left but apparently he was wrong.
'Why? Why didn't you tell me earlier?' He thought. He was sad that she didn't tell me, angry at her for not telling him anything and overall, angry at himself for not realising this.
'I know you asked me not to hit the reset button but I can't take it anymore. Everyone leaves me. I don't think I can handle anymore. Wait for me Kaori. I'm coming.' He thought.
He found a rope and tied it on the ceiling with a fan and stood on a stool and tied it around his neck.
'Im sorry everyone for doing this but it was too much for me.' He thought and jumped off the stool with a smile.
There was a sucking crunch and everything went dark for him.
The young piano genius, the human metronome, had committed suicide out of grief.