[Star and Marco are walkingthrough the fields.]
Star:[laughing]Hurry,Marco, it's almost time for the joust!
Marco: Star, why are we here again?
Star: Every year in Mewni, my parents will host the Medieval Moment and they do a jousting tournament [Star giggles, then both stop. A castle with a sign that says "Medieval Moments" is seen in front of them. A man blows a trumpet]
Speaker:Welcome to Medieval Moments. You're just 20 wizard's paces away from swords, sorcery and bad hygiene.[Star and Marco run in]
Advisor:Right this way, please.
Star:Excuse me, my good man, I believe thou meant to say "Righteth this wayeth."[Star giggle]
Henchman:[tempted to kill himself, but doesn't]Someday... but not today.
[Inside castle as Star eats some mutton]
Marco:How's that mutton, Star?
Star:[Shown eating a mutton] Me thinks it's mutton-tastic! "[Bites Mutton]"[trumpet sounds]
Queen Moon:River! You're supposed to announce the jousting tournament.
River: Oh right! [He activates his microphone]Good evening, uh, fair patrons of Medieval Moments. By royal decree, we ask that two audience members come forth and participate in the, uh, royal joust.
Star:[raise their hands] Hey dad over here! Ooh! Oh! Over here! Pick us, pick us! Hey! Pick us! Hey! Over here! Hey... Pick us!
Marco: Star I don't think you dad gonna pick us as royal joust.
River:Oh, it appears that Star and Marco are our lucky contestants tonight. Hooray.
Queen Moon: What?
Star:Isn't this exciting, Marco? To think, we'll be watching the joust this close up!
Royal Henchman:You won't be watching the joust, you're in the joust.
Marco: What? Maybe you could pick another royal joust.
Royal Henchman: Too late you already got pick.
Star: Don't worry Marco it will be fun, do you know how to ride a horse?
Marco:Nuh-uh.[horses gallop on opposite sides of the stadium]
Star:Mr. Horse, sir, you're gentle on beginners, aren't you?[horse rides towards Marco]
Marco:Star, help!
Queen Moon: River, are you sure this is safe?
River: Don't worry Moon Pie, Star and Marco will be find. Take his head off!
Star:I don't suppose now would be a good time to ask for a bathroom break! Ah...![both screaming as Star hits Marco clear out of the stadium]Marco![Star's horse throws her out of the stadium and time traveling back to the past]
Marco:[lands outside]I'm glad that's over.[Star lands on top of him and Marco groans]
Star:Marco? Are you okay?
Marco:I'm okay. This is the last time you dad pick us to be his royal joust. [cavalry riding towards Star and Marco]
Star:Look, some employees from the restaurant came to help us!
Horseman:Arrest these traitors for committing the act of witchcraft by falling from the sky!
Star:[touches the spears point]Whoa, they really go that extra mile for authenticity. Salutations fellow knights.
Horseman:Silence, heathen![slices Star's helmet in half]
Star:Ah! I get the point.[both tossed in the dungeon]
Dungeon Master:Nighty-night, ladies! You'll have many more in here.[Evil laughter]
Star:Gee, Marco, these props sure are convincing.
Marco: Star those knight, are not from the restaurants we must be back in time.
Star: What? I don't think we in back in time!
[both hear lute playing. A "Ruberiot" like creature wearing a medieval outfit is playing the lute. And his name is Rubely, who is Ruberiot's Ancestor]
Rubely:Oh, blast this confounded instrument. If I never learn to play with ease, may mine own great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandson be cursed tenfold!
Marco: Ruberiot, what are you doing here?
Star: Are you sent back in time too?
Rubely:[looks around confused]Does thou talketh to me?
Star:[laughs]Good one, Ruberiot.[imitates Rubely]"Does thou talketh to me?" [laughs]
Rubely:Scoff not, young squire. Thou has mistaken me for another. I am Rubely, the king's royal fool. Or at least I was until I royally messed up.
Marco:Wow, what did you do?
Rubely:I'll show you. I was the king's favorite fool. I made merry mirth and laughter. Then, I told one bad joke and the king had a stroke, now I hang from ye ol' rafter.
Marco: Is there any food around here?
Rubely: Don't hold thy breath! We'll be lucky if we get fed again by the 12th century!
Star:They sure take their role-playing seriously around here.[explosion outside]
Marco: What's that?
Rubely: The evil wizard's dragon is here. See the townsfolk scream with fear. See the townsfolk try to run. I can tell this won't be fun. The dragon will torch everything. Everything in the valley. Hospitals, schools, retirement homes, and even ye olde bowling alley.
Citizen:Not the bowling alley![dragon burn the bowling alley into dust. Citizen bawling]
Star:Knights, jesters, dragons, medieval bowling alleys, 12th century! Don't you see, Marco? We really are in medieval times!
Marco: I told you!
Dungeon Master:The king wants a word with you two.
Marco: Yes finally the king will know what to do!
Star:Wait. We don't leave without Rubely.
Dungeon Master:Why should I take him?
Star:Because, um, Rubely has thought of some brilliant songs for the king and he just has to hear them. Isn't that right, Rubely?
Rubely:[nods]Absolutely.[plays lute]
Marco:[stops Rubely] Rubely, uh, maybe you should wait for the king to hear that.
Rubely:Suit thine self. Thou does not knowest what thou art missing.
King Pony Head:[bawling]Oh, woe is me. Woe is me. Woe is me. What to do. What to do.
Pony Head:Father, what art thou going on about now?
King Pony Head:Oh, just the same old thing, dear daughter. It's that wretched wizard Ludoimor! His insidious dragons destroyed half my kingdom. Soon, there will be no citizens to tax. Not one of me best knights has been able to defeat him.[has a stroke]
Pony Head:Father, remember your blood pressure. You wouldn't want another leech treatment, would you?
Henchman:Your Highness, the dungeon master has brought the prisoners you asked for.
King Pony Head:Well don't just stand there, send 'em in!
Henchman:Sure thing, Your Highnesssssssssssssssss...[King
pony head and Pony Head look at each other blankly]
Star:Hey, Pony Head and King Pony Head!
King Pony Head:How dare you bark at me in that tone, knave! I am the feared ruler of this kingdom and will be addressed as such.
Marco:I'm sorry. My friend was so excited to see her friend like the one back in Mewni.
King Pony Head:And why have you brought this fool back into the throne room?
Rubely:If your majesty may be so kind, I think I have a song that will answer all your questions.
King Pony Head:Ohh, all right, all right! But this is your last chance, fool.
Rubely:Oh, thank you, Sire. Thank you. You won't be disappointed. Oh, hear me king for I must sing, how you are the greatest at everything. Like letting a dragon burn down our city, a horrible sight that wasn't pretty. 'Twas all your fault and 'tis a pity, you are bad, you are to blame, now hang your kingly head in shame. La la la la la la la la la la la!
Rubely, and Star,: The king is bad, the king's to blame, he hangs his kingly head in shame. La la la la la la la la la la la!
Marco: Guys I don't think the song, is really helping.
King Pony Head:Guards! Send these slanderers to the guillotine.[shown a guillotine]
Hunchback Bear Torturer:I... I hope you like being part of my fruit salad![uses a guillotine to cut the pineapple in half]
Star:Wait, you don't understand! We're not from here!
King Pony Head:That's because you're witches who were sent by Ludoimor to destroy me!
Marco:No, we're time travelers not witches![King Pony Head gets angry]Help me out here, Star.
Star:I'm not sure there's anything I can add at this point.
King Pony Head: And what this on your hand?
Star: Is my wand!
King Pony Head: I know you're are witches you try to destroy my kingdom with your Hocus Pocus.
Star: My wand is not hocus pocus I didn't destroy your kingdom watch. Rainbow Blast! (Star blasts the guard with a rainbow beam.) See!
King Pony Head: I knew it, not only you try to destroy my kingdom but you blasts one of my guard your really are a witch.
Star: What no I'm not like the one, like in the movie. Pony Head can you tell your dad we are not witches.
Pony Head: Sorry, girl I don't talk to bad witches and a no good fool who play, the lute.
Marco: Man even the Pony Head on our time, is the wrose.
King Pony Head:Okay, I'm through playing around. Guards...
Marco: No, wait!
Star: No, please.[gives the signal for their beheading]
Pony Head:Father, you must spare them. Has thou forgotten of the prophecy?
King Pony Head:What prophecy?
Pony Head:The one right above your head!
King Pony Head:How long has that been there?
Pony Head:The story tells of two brave knights who fall from the sky, and are sent by the king to rid the lamenting town of the evil dragon controlled by the wizard. Father, don't you get it? It's them! These strangers have come to rescue us, like in the prophecy.[dragon breaks through the wall]
King Pony Head:How dare you defile my house, demon![dragon breath Fire on King Pony Head and grabs Princess Pony Head]Princess Pony Head! I'm coming, Pony Head! Prepare to meet thy maker, foul beast![dragon flicks King Pony Head away]
Star:[at the guillotine]Well, I-I guess this is it, Marco.
Marco:I guess so. I'm gonna miss you,Star!
Star:I'll miss you, too, Marco![Star about to cry as King Pony Head crashes into the guillotine, breaking it. Dragon takes Pony Head away]
Pony Head:Oh, Daddy, help!
King Pony Head:Pony Head![cries]Can no one stop this madness?[sun shines on Star and Marco]You... you two...[kisses their feet]My apologies... most noble... and valued... warriors...
Star:I guess this is what you call the royal treatment.
King Pony Head:May Neptune grant you safety on your perilous journey to the evil wizard's castle from which no one has escaped alive!
Star:We're going on a perilous journey?
King Pony Head:But, of course, you're the chosen ones. Huh, what's this? A lost piece of the prophecy? Hmmm...
Marco:Let me guess, more praise for our heroic stature?
King Pony Head:Actually, it says I was supposed to kick you out of here with my horn.
Star:Say no more, Your Majesty. Us manly knights are so manly, we kick ourselves out of places. Come on, Marco! Bunny Rabbit Blast! (Star rockets herself and Marco out with a blast of bunnies]
Rubely: Well, so much for their company.[plays lute]
King Pony Head:Eh... on second thought, you better go with them. They could use the entertainment.
Rubely:Have it your way.
King Pony Head:Good luck, strange ones!
Star:[Star, Marco, and Rubely are now walking down the road]I know we're a prophecy and all, but I don't think we can stop the dragon with our bare hands and my magic wand.
Marco:Yeah, we need some gloves.
Rubely:Perhaps yonder blacksmith can provide some arms for your battle.
Star:At last! An honest man of the soil. Observe, as I effortlessly commingle with this brutish native.[enters blacksmith shop]Greetings, Iron Man! I am Sir Star of...[blacksmith grabs Star with his tongs]...Mewni.
Blacksmith:I told you people before, I'll have the rent when I have it!
Star:We just wanted to buy some armor.
Blacksmith:Oh, why didn't you just say that?[lets Star go]Hmm, I've got just the thing for you.
Marco:[holding a helmet]This is awesome![puts the helmet over his already worn helmet]Hey, Star, get out here![Star walks out standing on metal legs and wearing a big protective helmet]Whoa, Star, you look incredible!
Blacksmith:And now for the piece de resistance.[welds a sword for Star]Your sword, brave knight. Hand-forged from anodized dragon's skin. It is truly a weapon worthy of a knight of your stature.
Star:[struggles]A little heavy, isn't it?[drops the sword, which pierces through the blacksmith's chest]
Blacksmith:[laughs]That's gonna need some stitches. Let me see what I else I got.[searches through a chest of weapons]Unfortunately, all I have in the way of light weaponry is this Dragon net.[gives the net to Star]
Star:That's perfect! Thanks for everything! Farewell, Blacksmith! Excuse us! Prophecy coming through!
Adult Medieval Magic Villager: Well, there goes that gig. [later Star, Marco, and Rubely are walking towards the castle of Lord Ludoamor]
Rubely:We doth have a long journey ahead of us.
Marco:[pulls a brown bag with grease out of his pocket]It's a good thing I packed us a lunch of Marco's Super Awesome Nachos.
Star:Ooh!
[Marco puts the nachos in the brown bag and back in his pocket. Ludoamor sees the three heroes in the crystal ball]
Lord Ludoamor:[looking through a crystal ball]This be the legendary prophecy?![laughs evilly and Princess Pony Head is tied up in rope]Oh, that be-eth rich. T'would almost insult me were it not so funny.[Keeps laughing loudly)Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo...
Glossaryck: Ludoamor, thou art cocky and overly-confident with thyself.
Lord Ludoamor:Trusteth in me.Glossaryck I doth knowest what I am doing. Come hither, boy.[dragon appears]Deliver my demands unto his majesty, King Pony Head. Oh! One more thing. On thy way back, be most sure that ye destroy the girl and his fellowship of fools![Evil laughter then coughs. Star, Rubely, and Marco all head to the bridge to stop the evil wizard, but a Dark Knight blocks their path]
Dark Knight:[dark male voice]Halt! Who goes there?
Rubely:Doth mine eyes betray me? 'Tis the nefarious Dark Knight! Oh, dark knight, spare us please, don't cut off our heads or boil our knees. Pray take these two and let me go free and I will give to thee some... cheese! [cow moos]
Star and Marco:Dark Knight?
Dark Knight:[dark male voice]I asketh once more. Before I rip thee limb from limb, reveal thyself!
Star:I am Star and this is Marco.[laughs nervously]We've been spent to rescue Princess Pony Head from Ludoamor.
Dark Knight: Ludoamor's tower be across this bridge that I do guard![dark male voice]If thou wisheth to get across, thou willst have[reveals herself as Medieval Kelly and speaks with a female voice]to get through me!
Marco:[gasps]Medieval Kelly! I know how to handle this: With a little karate![both attack each other.]
Dark Knight:Whah! Whah! By the hammer of Odin, this be a new fighting style mine eyes have not yet seen.
Marco:I am bad! Oh, yeah! Whoo! And now, I'm taking names! Sign-up's over here.
Dark Knight:Doth thou tryeth to insult me? Thou willst drink from the fountain of shame!
Marco:Do you hear that, Star? I told you see zings like a ... Whoa![Dark Knight destroys the armor and throws Marco into a rock.]
Star: Marco! Medieval Kelly! But can you handle my feet of fury?[attacks Dark Knight, but the Dark Knight jumps out of the way as Star bounces off the rock and into Dark Knight sending her into the other rock. Star attacks her again, but the Dark Knight pins her against the rock]
Dark Knight:Wouldst thou like a little rubdown?[as she is rubbing , Marco karate chops the Dark Knight]You have bested me, karate knight... Let me meet my end as bravely as I have lived my life! Strike quick and true, noble...
Marco:I don't understand a word you just said![. Dark Knight eyes are crosses for her eyes as dead]Uh, Medieval Kelly, you don't look so good. Kelly? Kelly...? Huh? What?[screen turns black then water is thrown onto the Dark Knight]Star, it's working! Do it again.[Star used as wand as water splashes upon her]
Dark Knight:Thou hath spared me, kind and noble Star and his noble karate friend. And to thee, I owe a debt of gratitude, for I will follow you in your quest to defeat and learn a trifle of that karate.
Marco:Yeah, karate! Whah! Cha-cha![karate chops Rubely in half]
Rubely:Ow-eth.
Marco: Sorry!
King Pony Head' Advisor: Your Majesty! Your Majesty! A scroll hath arrived for thee!
King Pony Head:To thee, Royal King Pony Head. Thou must hand over thy village... and they throne?! Or thy daughter shall be dipped in a cauldron of lava?! Pony Head![Pony Head screams]
Rubely:That be the shriek of the fair Princess! Hark, the Princess, she screams from the tower, by the sound of her shrieks this is her final hour.
Dark Knight:Then time be of the essence. Doth we all remember thy plan?
Marco: Yes.
Dark Knight:Then let us forge on. Make way, heathens! Dark Knight coming through. Huh?
Buff Guard:State thy business, Dark Knight.
Dark Knight:These village are conspirators against Master Ludoamor and I needeth to know which form of torture thy master wishes upon these wretched fools! Do I have their limbs tied to horses and swiftly yanked apart? Rip! Or pluck each individual eyelash one by one, taking away their every single last eyelash wish? No...! No, no, no![Star screams]
Buff Guard: Very well, Dark Knight. Entrance be granted. No, no, no! No, no, no![Star is still screaming]Halt! Make a wish![plucks one of Star's Wand as a Guard is laughing evilly]
Dark Knight:Wow, goodsome thinking, Princess Star. Posing as a frightened wee babe in ye old diapers did make it most believable.
Star:Yeah, you think we fooled them?[Pony Head screams]Princess Pony Head! I must fulfill the prophecy while you untie Marco and the royal doofus.
Rubely:That be royal fool.
Star:[running up the stairs followed by the rest of the group]Hang on, Pony Head, we're coming to rescue you! Whew. Freedom is at hand.[panting]We're a-coming. Almost there. Summoning Cloudy! (Star used her magic to Cloudy.)
Cloudy: Hi Star. (Star jump on Cloudy and go up to the castle.)
Lord Ludoamor:Soon, the King's village will be mine. Mine! Mine![Pony Head screams Star kick her feet at the door.]
Star: Unhand her... fiend!
Pony Head:The prophecy is nigh!
Star: We're here to rescue you, Pony Head. (Marco come up on stair panting out of breath)
Marco: Whew! Could I get a glass of water?
Lord Ludoamor:Sparkling or regular?[he tosses the waters away]Psyche-eth!
Marco: No!
Star:[gasps]You truly are the nastiest wizard in all of Mewishire. Prepare to be vanquished!
Lord Ludoamor:Bring it on-eth, knave.
Star:[as she runs to attack Lord Ludoamor] Narwhal blast! (Star shoot her narwhal at Lord Ludoamor.[Lord Ludoamor gets up and uses his magic on her but she laughs, making her tickle]That tickles.[as Lord Ludoamor is zapping her, the rest of the group frees Pony Head, but she crashes through the top]
Pony Head:I be-eth okay.
Star: Is this the best you can do Ludoamor your little magic didn't hurt me.
Lord Ludoamor:[Star gets burn by the dragon]Wow... Huh?
Marco: Star!
Lord Ludoamor: [notices dragon]Yes! Yes! Sicketh them boy![dragon chases them]
Rubely:Perhaps a soothing limerick will calm thee. There once was a dragon so handsome and smart, he let me go free for he had a big heart. [dragon burn him]Everyone be-eth a critic.
Marco:Hi-ya![attacks dragon, but the dragon burn him]
Lord Ludoamor:Dead end for you, simpletons![laughs]
Star: Wait a second. [gets out the Dragon net and captures the dragon screaming with anger. ] Yes!
Marco: We'll safe! [the dragon burn his way out of the net, Marco screams]
Star and Marco:Whoa! No! No! No! No!
Marco:Well, I guess this is it, Star.
Star:Yeah. Hey, can we eat those Nachos now?
Marco:Sure, must be our last meal .
[Marco takes his nachos out.]
Star:Yay![the dragon sees Marco's Super Awesome Nachos., sniffs it and takes takes it]Hey!
Marco: Star, look! He's eating your Nachos.
[The dragon sniffs the Nachos and eats it.]
Star: Aw he really like your nachos.
Lord Ludoamor:Forsooth. What be-eth going on here? Destroy them! Do it now or so help me...
Marco:Umm, I'd be more than happy to make you some more of those delicious Nachos.[the dragon finally burn Ludoamor]
Lord Ludoamor: Curses! You win. Can somebody give me some sunscreen.
Glossaryck: Wait hold on a second! (Glossaryck Put some marshmallows with chocolate pudding on top and place it on Ludoamor head) I need it to put it with my s'mores.
Star: Classic Glossaryck.
Rubely:[everyone is at a celebration]Make way! Thy king's heroes cometh through. Hark! Ring the bell, 'tis all ended well! The dragon is vanquished, the princess returned, and only a few of us got badly burned![laughs. Rubely plays his lute]
Citizen:Ah, that horrible noise.
Citizen #2:Oh, make it stop! Whoa! Whoa![citizen #1 throws a rock through the lute, and Citizen #2 throw a another rock at Rubely in the head which makes Rubely fall down, causing the horses to launch Star and Marco into the air screaming, and back down where it is now the present]
Queen Moon: Are you two okay? That was some fall you had.
River: That was the best jousting tournament I ever seen.
Marco:Oh, I guess I shouldn't have agitated that horse. That was some dream, huh, Star? Star?
Star:Try telling that to Rubely.[Star squished Rubely into an accordion and his lute is broken]
Ruberiot: It's Ruberiot (Ruberiot get up from the ground.) I was about start my song, than you and Marco just fall down from the sky and you landing on top of me, and you broken my lute.
Star: So it's was a dream! Sorry I broken your lute Ruberiot.
Ruberiot: It's okay I still have a lot of my lutes.
Marco: At lease we back on our own time.
Star: And we don't have to fight that Dragon.