Chapter 8 – Escape

Author's Note: These two are so maddening sometimes, but I love them anyway. They have never in their lives heard the word communicate. Also, it took me way too long to try and get this scene down, since I'm writing based off the PT, and it's sooo hard not to let myself be influenced by fanon. xD

~ Amina Gila

"Are you alright?" Anakin asks sheepishly from behind Obi-Wan. He groans in response, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his robe, his stomach still flipping over and over inside him. He feels like throwing up again, but he hasn't eaten – or drunk – anything recently, so he doubts that will be happening.

"I'll be fine," he grouses. "Thank you so much for heeding my warning to slow down. It was much appreciated." His words are dripping with barely concealed sarcasm, and he can almost feel Anakin wincing behind him.

"Sorry," the younger man mutters. His footsteps move away from the alley for a moment before they return, and by that time, Obi-Wan is standing straight again, no longer leaning over the garbage disposal unit at the end of the alley somewhere in the Underworld. "I think we may be safe now," Anakin reports. "The clones will undoubtedly be searching the crash site to locate any traces of us. If we can commandeer another speeder, we can get to 500 Republica safely."

Obi-Wan inhales deeply a few times, willing his stomach to settle. "Carry on then."

Obtaining a speeder is easier than he had thought it might be, and it's not long before he is flying them towards their destination. First of all, he does not trust Anakin to fly after the fiasco earlier, and second of all, Anakin only has one hand to fly with, making it a rather dangerous endeavor. As Obi-Wan flies, he turns his thoughts towards everything which has transpired earlier. He needs to talk to Anakin about it, but he doesn't even know where to start.

"You embraced the Dark Side," he finally settles on, looking forwards and not at Anakin. He's careful to keep his tone neutral because he doesn't know how Anakin will react to it, and he doesn't know how he feels about it, either.

"What choice did I have?" Anakin snaps, instantly bristling, and Obi-Wan belatedly realizes that he probably worded it wrong. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see the way Anakin's jaw clenches, the tightness in his posture, as he glares forwards. "We were being overrun at the Temple. There was nothing else I could have done. Would you have had me die, then, Master?"

"No," he bites back, a little more harshly than he intended. "No, Anakin, that is not what I am saying."

There's a pause. "What are you saying, then?"

He feels tired all of a sudden, as if having to talk to Anakin has sucked the energy right out of him. "I don't know. I – you have Fallen. It is against everything that the Jedi teach, but you… saved people. I suppose it is a little surprising to see." Obi-Wan reaches out, probing him lightly through the Force. He can feel Anakin, as always, even though Anakin's shielding is heavy. "You have not changed much."

And it's true. Anakin still feels more or less like he did before. His Light is still there, still burning, but there's a distinct undertone of Dark in him that was not there before. But, strangely enough, he feels… balanced. It is so strange, that it confuses Obi-Wan, given that it's against everything he has thought, everything he has been taught.

I worry for you, he wants to say. You scared me in the Senate building, when you let your lust for vengeance consume you. He doesn't know how to say that, though, how to convey his feelings for Anakin in a way that will be real, in a way that that younger man can understand. "Back in the Senate," he finally settles on, "You were walking a dangerous path."

"I do not need to hear your criticism, Master," Anakin growls. "I know what I did there. I know it was foolish, and that it enabled Palpatine's escape. I know it was not the Jedi way."

"That is not what I meant," Obi-Wan replies, feeling frustrated. It's as if they aren't even speaking about the same thing. "At least try to remain silent while I'm speaking. This would not be half as hard if you listened."

"I do. I do listen to you. I feel like all I ever do is listen to you."

His temper flares, but he tries to squash it, tries to explain to Anakin what he feared so much back in the Senate. "What I mean to say," he tries, ignoring Anakin's outburst, "Is that, back at the Senate, you lost your rationality. Anakin, had you killed Palpatine in that manner, you would not have been able to let go of the Dark as you have now."

The younger man, blessedly, is quiet this time, mulling over Obi-Wan's words. His expression remains blank despite the brief flicker of anxiety that Obi-Wan feels roll through him. "Why? Killing him would have been justice."

"Yes," he allows, "But that is not why you were doing it. I felt your vengeance. It was consuming you. You would not have been able to come back so easily after a cold-blooded murder, committed solely out of a desire to see it. You were so close, Anakin, to being lost, and I shudder to think what that would have meant for you, for the galaxy. You must be careful. You are playing with fire when you don't know what you're doing. There is a reason that the Jedi caution against using the Dark."

Anakin slumps back in his seat, seeming suitably castigated. "Are you sure?" His voice is quiet, subdued, and he's staring into his lap.

Obi-Wan feels the instinctive urge to reach out to him, to touch his shoulder in comfort, to tell him how grateful he is that Anakin's still alive despite how many have died. But he quells those feelings because even if the Jedi Order has fallen, he is still a Jedi, though Anakin is not. "Master Yoda was… concerned." He chooses his words carefully. "I have never seen him so disturbed before. He would have stopped you had the others not arrived."

Anakin merely nods, and it's a few minutes before he actually speaks again. "It – I have betrayed what you taught me, Master. You would be right to be angry at me. But the Dark Side gave me strength when I needed it. It has helped me save so many from dying."

"I know," Obi-Wan replies. "I know. I saw what you did at the Temple, and I am not… pleased with the methods, but I approve of the result. What you did… it was something that the Jedi have taught to be impossible. I suppose I am proud that you have, at least, managed to mostly resist the lure of the Dark, but you must be careful of where this path takes you."

A deep flicker of anger answers those words. "You do not trust me to find control."

What is he supposed to say to that? It's not true. Not exactly. Obi-Wan trusts that Anakin will try to do good, but the boy has already shown how easily his emotions can get the better of him. And maybe it's just that Obi-Wan fears. He fears something happening to Anakin. He fears losing him. And those are not feelings that he should have, not as a Jedi, but he has always been weak when it comes to Anakin. He has no idea how to let go of that fear, of that need to protect Anakin from the galaxy, no matter how much he has already failed to do so.

"I worry for you," he offers. "These are difficult times for all of us. You did what you had to do to survive, to help others survive, and I would never fault you for that." I was so scared, he wants to say, I was terrified that I would come back and find you dead, and I knew that I could never handle that. I would not have survived that knowledge, knowing that you had died, and that I was helpless to do anything for you. I could not say how little I care what you did at the Temple, because you are alive, and that is the only thing that matters to me right now.

Anakin's expression twists, equal parts frustration and anger. "I can take care of myself, Obi-Wan. I do not need you to – to act as though I am incapable."

"I know that you can," Obi-Wan snaps, his temper finally snapping. "I know that you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but you have no idea what your limits are. You push yourself so far, all the time, and it is left to me to come after you, to stop you from dying." Or worse, he almost adds, thinking of the Chancellor's office and how Anakin was there, how his eyes were burning with red as he strangled the man who he once considered a close friend, the man who he seems to trust more than Obi-Wan.

"I do not wish to hear it," Anakin growls. "Not right now, Master."

"You never wish to hear it," Obi-Wan snips, still thinking of Anakin, of how terrifying he looked with crimson eyes, face illuminated by a red glow from the lightsaber that was not his. "You had Dooku's lightsaber," he remembers. "I was unaware that you had it."

"I never told anyone," Anakin answers, rubbing his face with his good hand.

He looks so tired now, not that he ever really stopped, but it's especially bad now. He looks as if he couldn't even stand on his own if they weren't in the speeder. Perhaps, Obi-Wan thinks wildly, despairingly, even a strong wind could knock him over right now. He looks… fragile in a way that makes all of Obi-Wan's protective instincts spring to life. But Anakin hates it when he hovers, when he worries, and he doesn't know what to do about that, because he cannot deny how he feels, cannot deny the bone-deep terror that one day, his stupid, beloved former Padawan will get himself killed and Obi-Wan will have to pick up the pieces.

It is maddening, and he does not have even the slightest idea how to deal with it.

"Why?" he queries curiously.

For a moment, Obi-Wan thinks Anakin will get angry again, but he simply shrugs one shoulder, looking away. "It was… wrong. I never told you what happened, Master, because I knew you would be disappointed." It is so strange how he has gone from being angry to being quiet, and almost depressed, like this. Anakin's mood swings will never cease to befuddle him.

He waits silently for Anakin to continue, and he does not disappoint. "I defeated him," Anakin admits, "Disarmed him, and Palpatine ordered me to kill him, to… behead him. I did not wish to, I told him it was wrong, but he insisted. And it was an order. How could I refuse the Chancellor? I complied, but it was… wrong. It was wrong, and I – I felt guilt for it, for what I did. I took the lightsaber with me. I kept it hidden. I – I practiced with it; I cannot explain why. Does that satisfy you? Or do you have a new lecture for me now?"

Obi-Wan grits his teeth and only doesn't rise to the bait because Anakin looks so tired, and Obi-Wan, more than anything, is inclined to tuck him to bed. He would cart him off to the Halls of Healing if that was at all possible. "I am glad that you told me," he says, feeling a little awkward, a little off-balance at what Anakin just told him. It makes so much sense, now, that Palpatine would have had Anakin do that. He wanted Anakin as his apprentice, so it stands to reason that he would want Anakin to be the one to execute Dooku, especially like that.

And Obi-Wan still has no idea whatsoever how he ought to feel about Sidious trying to turn Anakin, trying to take him. It fills him with anger, makes him vibrate with the need to kill to protect Anakin from that monster. He will not, cannot, allow Sidious to get his hands on Anakin. Anakin is his, and his alone.

He catches that thought, and cuts it off there, refusing to indulge in it any longer. It is not the Jedi way to be so possessive of someone, but Obi-Wan is weak and exhausted, and all he wants is his best friend. (Anakin is so much more than just a best friend to him, but that is not something he can allow himself to think about. He cannot think about how much he thinks the way he views Anakin is the way a father views his son. It is wrong. It is not the Jedi way, no matter how right it feels to love Anakin this way.)

"You and Senator Amidala?" Obi-Wan inquires, raising an eyebrow, keeping his tone light-hearted. "I thought that you were with Aayla."

Anakin grimaces at her name, a quiet sorrow echoing into the Force for a moment, and truly, Obi-Wan can understand the reason. For all they know, Aayla could be dead now. "Aayla and I had an… understanding," he replies, maybe a little too nonchalantly. "We ended it before the Outer Rim Sieges began, since we had no idea when we would see each other again. But it is different with Padme. I – we… want to marry," he admits in a rush, "We talked about it, but we wanted to wait until after the war. I do not know what will happen any longer."

"Clearly," Obi-Wan points out with probably far too much cheer, "You did not wait very well. I was there, to see her, to find you, and I could not help but notice that she is very pregnant."

Anakin flushes, and even in the darkness of the speeder, Obi-Wan can see the redness of his face. "It was… not intended," he mutters, rubbing the back of his neck and refusing to look at Obi-Wan. "It was… difficult after – after Ahsoka left. We spent some time together, and um… yes. That. … Happened." He sounds a little strangled at the end, and truthfully, Obi-Wan does not want to hear any more about it at all. It was bad enough how he found out about Anakin and Aayla. He had been unable to look the Twi'lek Jedi Master in the eyes for weeks.

"This is not a good time for a child," Obi-Wan points out. "What will you do?"

"I… do not know." Anakin sounds so young, and Obi-Wan is reminded again of how, he is still so young. He is only twenty-three, just barely, and when Obi-Wan was his age, he was still a Padawan. It does not seem right that Anakin should be forced to bear such a burden when Obi-Wan himself was spared. He would do anything, anything at all, to help Anakin, to relieve him of the burden he's carrying. And now, on top of all of this, he has a child on the way. He's going to be a father soon. It hardly seems real.

"We will figure it out," Obi-Wan promises, wanting to reach out again, but stopping himself.

Anakin nods, sighing quietly, fingers drumming on his leg, a nervous gesture. They don't speak much on the rest of the way back to the apartment, each of them lost in their own thoughts of the future… and the past as well.

So much has changed in such a short amount of time, and Obi-Wan, truthfully, has no idea where they will go from here.

**w**

Anakin is so worn out that Obi-Wan, embarrassingly, has to help him back into Padme's apartment when they arrive. Padme and Reva are both still awake, sitting on the couch, even though it's the middle of the night. The former gasps when she sees them, and in an instant, she's hurrying over. "Are you alright?" Padme asks, worried. "What happened?"

"I failed," Anakin answers, swaying unsteadily, only Obi-Wan's arm around his waist keeping him from collapsing entirely. "It is a long story, but I need to… sit down for a bit. We were injured. We will need a medpack."

"And some bacta if you have any, Senator," Obi-Wan adds.

Yes. Right. Lightning burns need bacta to heal properly.

Anakin has dealt with electrocution enough times to know how to deal with it. The most important thing is to get bacta on and then, stay as warm as possible until his body can get over the shock, no pun intended.

"Yes, of course," Padme replies, turning to give Threepio orders. Anakin will need to talk to her once he and Obi-Wan have dealt with their injuries. He has not forgotten that Obi-Wan's left arm was burned by Inquiere's lightsaber and a blaster bolt.

"I told you I would return," Anakin manages to say, mustering a small smile for Reva.

She looks at him quietly, assessing him, no doubt, before coming over to him and throwing her arms around him. She doesn't say anything, though Anakin can feel the whirlwind of emotions within her. He touches her head as gently as he can with his bad arm, ignoring the spikes of pain still radiating up it; he's had worse.

"Soon, we will have to decide what to do next," he tells her. "We need to leave Coruscant."

"Where will we go?" she questions, finally stepping back. His outer robe is lying on the couch, next to where she was sitting, and Anakin lifts it with the Force before settling it gently around her, no matter how ridiculous it looks.

"That is something we must determine. Wait here. We will return shortly."

He levitates his meager bag of possessions to him, knowing that he'll need the replacement prosthetic as well as his spare set of robes. Once Threepio brings them the medpack and bacta, Anakin directs Obi-Wan to the spare bedroom, the one which Reva was using earlier, so they can have some privacy to get cleaned up. This is hardly the first time they've done this, and knowing how soon they may be parting ways, Anakin wants to savor every moment with Obi-Wan that he has while it lasts.

The future is so uncertain, and he does his best to push those worries aside so he can focus on it with a calmer, more rational mind when the time comes to discuss it. The thing is… Obi-Wan was right earlier about what he said. He was right that Anakin was going too far when killing Palpatine, and it wasn't until then that he truly realized it, realized that he would have become as bad as the Sith Master he was trying to kill if he had gone through with it.

How could he have been so blinded?

How could he ever have allowed the Dark Side to cloud his mind so much?

He needs to – to try harder, to learn. He needs time to himself so he can learn how to draw on the Dark Side without being consumed by it. It will not be easy, but Anakin is confident that he can succeed. The Force has not led him along this path for no reason. The Force would never lead him astray.

"Master," he says quietly as Obi-Wan rubs bacta onto his skin.

He pauses mid-motion, looking up and meeting Anakin's eyes. "Yes?"

"I – thank you, Master, for trying to stop me earlier. You were right." It's hard to admit, because it means admitting that he betrayed Obi-Wan, betrayed his teachings. It means that he did the one thing he's always tried not to do: failed Obi-Wan. But a part of growth is admitting mistakes and apologizing for him. Anakin doesn't know if he can truly apologize – he doesn't know how he feels about it yet – but this – this he can, at least, do.

Obi-Wan smiles faintly, touching Anakin gently through their bond. "Of course." For a moment, Anakin thinks Obi-Wan is about to say something else, but he doesn't, continuing to rub the bacta into Anakin's skin instead, so Anakin tries to be content with this last contact with Obi-Wan no matter how desperately he wants to hug him, wants Obi-Wan to comfort him, protect him. It's not – Obi-Wan is a Jedi, and he would not treat Anakin the way Anakin always wanted to be treated. Anakin has accepted that, no matter how it hurts. He will – they will be alright. This is not the end. He won't let it be.

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