Chapter 10 – Tatooine

Author's Note: Anakin settles into a new life in exile with his charge. :) Enjoy the fluffy bonding with Anakin and Reva! :D

~ Amina Gila

In the end, Anakin decides to go to Tatooine. It seems fitting, he thinks, that he return to the place where everything started, the place where he first met the Jedi. For better or worse, Tatooine was his home, and he has never truly escaped the twin suns, the sting of the sand and of the whip of his childhood. Tatooine does not bring good memories, but this is – it is strategical. It is logic over comfort.

"Where are we going?" Reva asks curiously, one of the first times she's actually spoken since they left the others. She's been quiet, alternately dozing and just sitting, and Anakin has given her quiet, has given her time to process everything. But he is glad to see her initiating the conversation, glad to see the curiosity. It means that she's focusing on her surroundings.

"Tatooine," he answers, hands firm on the controls of the starfighter as he guides it down through the atmosphere. "It was where I grew up when I was young, before I came to the Temple. I know it well." He has never forgotten, could never forget. He can just as keenly remember working in the junkyard as he can recall the too heavy, too still weight of his mother in his arms.

"We're going to your home?" She leans forward, and Anakin thinks, with a vague flare of amusement – Force, he is exhausted; he feels he could sleep for a week or longer – that it's a good thing he doesn't need to see to fly.

"I have no home there," he replies numbly. "It is – the planet is cursed, but it is a good place to hide. Sidious will never look for me there. He knows I would never willingly choose to return." Belatedly, he tightens his shields, suddenly mindful of the painbitternessanger bleeding into the Force around him.

Reva twists a little, peering back at him over her shoulder. "What happened?"

Anakin forces his grip with his prosthetic to loosen lest he damage the steering mechanism. The Dark Side weighs heavily on him, lapping at his heels, eagerly licking up his pain. He pushes it away firmly, knowing that he cannot allow himself to indulge. It would be a foolish risk, one that would drive him to do stupid, reckless things. Already, a part of him is tempted to impulsively go back to Coruscant and crash the fighter through Palpatine's window, killing him – killing them both. But Reva. He will not abandon Reva like that.

And for as much as he doesn't want this child to know the truth of his origins, he cannot hide it from her. There are people who know him on Tatooine, and he cannot shield Reva from the cruelty of the world, not when she'll be a part of it now.

"I was a slave as a child," he explains matter-of-factly, "My mother and I both. I was freed by the Jedi. She was not. I left her behind, and when I came back… She had been freed, had found happiness and family, but she died. In my arms. Tatooine is a harsh, brutal planet, and you must be careful never to stray from me when we are there. The scum of the galaxy resides there."

In the Force, Reva's presence curls with understanding, with sympathy, with… fear. "Oh," she whispers, laying a hand on his left forearm, her way of offering him comfort. "That's awful."

"We'll stop by my stepfamily's moisture farm," Anakin tells her. He hasn't seen them since his mother's funeral, but on Tatooine, family is important. They will willingly welcome him, irrespective of the risks of harboring a fugitive Jedi.

Reva is quiet again, not speaking as he lands on the Lars homestead. He hoists her out before climbing down, stretching after being in such a cramped space for so long. "Is the whole planet like this?" she wonders, twisting around.

"Unfortunately," Anakin answers dryly. "It's a desert."

A figure approaches from the homestead, a blaster in hand, until she recognizes him. Beru. "Anakin!" she exclaims, hurrying towards him with a bright smile. "It's so good to see you again. We weren't sure when we'd see you again."

He gives her a strained, forced smile, knowing that, by now, he's running pretty much on sheer willpower. His exhaustion is not nearly as physical as it is mental or emotional. "It has been a long few days," he admits. "I do not know what you have heard, but the Republic and Jedi Order have fallen. Few have survived. I am seeking refuge here for the time being. This is Reva. Reva, this is Beru Whitesun."

"Hi," the girl offers shyly.

"Lars, actually, now," Beru corrects lightly, "And, of course, you are welcome here. You can stay with us for as long as you want."

"Thank you," Anakin replies, "But I do not wish to bring you trouble. I can survive on my own. We will find a small place to stay, close to here, perhaps, but if we disappear in the Wastes…" He trails off, looking towards the wilderness. "The newly crowned Emperor is after me. He is dangerous. I will not drag that danger into your lives."

Beru's expression pinches. "The Jundland Wastes are perilous, Anakin. All sorts of dangers lurk out there. You know that."

"I am a Jedi," he assures her, though he no longer knows if that term is correct. "We will be fine. Are Owen or Cliegg here?"

The moment grief flashes across her face, he knows something is wrong. "Cliegg has… left us," she tells him softly. "He did not take well to losing Shmi."

Anakin inhales slowly. "I'm sorry," he murmurs.

She waves it off. "You didn't know. But please, come in, at least. Let me offer you something. Stay for the night, maybe. There is a place, an abandoned homestead in the Wastes. You can check it out, but I'm sure the vaporators need to be fixed."

Despite himself, he can't help but smirk. "There is not a machine I have met that I cannot fix."

Beru laughs at that, and even Reva smiles a little. "Shmi said that about you, that you are very gifted." She beckons them in, and with only a moment of hesitation, Anakin follows her down the steps into the homestead. It looks much the same as it did before, and she shows them to a room, telling them that they should rest, until the suns have passed their zenith, and the heat of the day has dissipated some.

"She seems nice," Reva comments the moment they're alone. Anakin is glad to see that the child seems much more relaxed now. She doesn't appear nearly as wound up, and her anger and grief aren't nearly as pronounced anymore.

"She is a good woman," Anakin agrees. "I…" He trails off, yearning fiercely. "You would have loved my mother," he finally says, not looking at her. He hesitates to talk about himself to other Jedi, too afraid of being judged by them, but there are no Jedi anymore are there? And Reva is only a child. She respects him, looks up to him. Perhaps he doesn't deserve it, but she will not castigate him for feeling.

Reva plops down on the bed. "What was she like?"

He swallows hard, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor, idly fingering the edges of his bag. "She was very kind, very compassionate," he replies. "She protected me as much as she could. She… she always told me that it's important to help others, especially if they cannot help themselves. That's how I met Qui-Gon – I offered him shelter when a sandstorm blew in. I won a podrace to help him and Padme."

A myriad of emotions threatens to drown him when he mentions Padme's name. He fears for her. He's terrified for her, for their child. Being so far away, he will be unable to help if they are in danger and trusting in the Force to protect them is hard. He fears for them, fears for Obi-Wan, too. He fears for Ahsoka, for Aayla. He… fears. Sometimes, it seems that's all he does: fears.

Pushing aside the crushing weight of his emotions, he pulls out the holodrive he packed into his bag, plugging it into a datapad and activating it. If he doesn't do something, he'll lose his mind. As exhausted as he is, he's too tightly wound to sleep, so he scrolls through the various engineering projects, trying to find something to distract himself with.

Reva wanders around the room quietly, studying everything, probably comparing what it's like here compared to what she knew at the Temple. Probably, he should talk to her about how she's feeling; Force knows he got enough experience at that with Ahsoka, but he just – he needs to sort out his own head, first, and mediating with Obi-Wan or Master Yoda aren't options. Nor is going to the Room of One Thousand Fountains. Nor is –

He blows out an irritated breath at his own spiraling thoughts, clicking on the first design. It's a prototype spacesuit made with nanodroids, something he started over a year ago and never finished. Maybe finishing the design will be pointless, but it will give him something to do.

On that note, he also ought to do something with the starfighter. Maybe he can redesign it, make it use less fuel so he doesn't have to scrap it – the weapon's array will be very useful if he gets into a firefight. Fuel is the most important concern, however, since starfighter fuel will not be available here on Tatooine.

During the war, he never had the time for all of his various projects, but now? Now, all he has is time. Too much time.

**w**

The next morning, Anakin and Reva officially move to the homestead in the Jundland Wastes. It's hardly even a homestead by this point – it's more of a hut cut into the stone walls of the mountainside. Still, it will be a serviceable home for the two of them. He's been in far worse conditions during the war, and Anakin can't help but notice the strategic advantages of this hut. It's on the side of the mountain, meaning that there's only one direction from which enemies can come, and he can see for several klicks around them.

Despite Anakin's protests, Owen insisted on coming and helping him repair the vaporator outside as well as loaning him a second. "You'll need the water, especially with a child," he states, tone brooking no room for argument, "And I don't know how those Jedi were, but here, we help our own."

All Anakin can do is thank him profusely.

"You can work on the farm," Owen offers. "I'll even pay you."

"I'll take you up on that," Anakin assures him. "I can probably get work in the nearby towns, too. If you could watch Reva while I'm gone –"

"Of course," his stepbrother answers gruffly. "You needn't ask."

After a while, Owen returns to his own property, leaving Anakin and Reva alone. Throughout the rest of the day, Anakin helps Reva get used to their new life, explaining to her, in great detail, what it will be like for them now. He tells her that the life she had in the Temple is not normal, by any means, for the rest of the galaxy. Jedi younglings at the Temple are very privileged, cut off from the life of the common people elsewhere, especially in the Outer Rim.

Thankfully, Reva accepts it all quite readily, even if she has some… concerns about their 'fresher, or more like the lack thereof. Obviously, they have a 'fresher, but it's a rather primitive one which doesn't have a water shower. Water is far too precious on Tatooine to be used for showering, at least regularly. The Lars have a water shower, but only because they're so well-off, and even then, it's rarely ever used.

Their first night in their own hut is… hard.

It's all so quiet, so empty. For years, Anakin has been used to being surrounded by people, by the presences of other living things in the Force, but here on Tatooine, it's a desert. It's empty of that thriving life. He misses Obi-Wan, Padme, his child. He misses Ahsoka. He misses his boys. He misses Aayla.

(He tries not to remember Appo, tries not to remember the way it felt in the Force when he broke the clone's neck.)

He tries not to think about what's happened with them, tries not to wonder about Ahsoka, about Rex. Wondering is dangerous. It only reminds him how little he can do to help anyone right now, when he's probably the most wanted man in the Rep- Empire.

Reva is shifting around a lot, too, her presence too bright and alert to be sleeping, and finally, Anakin sits up on his sleeping mat, which is on the opposite side of the room. "Can't sleep?" he asks quietly.

The child groans. "No. It's too… dark here, lifeless."

The only living presences around for miles are the two of them. It must be a strange thing for her, to be in an environment like this. But, from the quiver of unease echoing into the Force, Anakin suspects that isn't the only problem. "C'mere," he finally offers. He doesn't need to ask twice.

Reva readily pops up, scooting her sleeping mat over next to his and curling against his side. Anakin reaches out, lightly stroking a hand through her messy hair – he'll have to have her comb it in the morning; he knows why she's too tired to bother with it tonight – and tucking an arm around her. "You're safe, Reva," he promises gently. "I will always protect you."

"I – I feel so… alone," she confesses, barely loud enough for him to hear. "I miss the others. I – I… I've never been alone like this before."

Anakin has never felt so out of his element before. He's never faced anything like this before, comforting a child who has lost everything, so he thinks back to how he felt when he first came to Temple, taken from everything he had known, trying to remember what he had wanted and needed then. Reassurance. Comfort. Familiarity. He had missed his mother terribly and being told that he needed to let go of her had only made it worse.

"It is natural to grieve," he offers hesitantly, tightening his grip on her, giving her the assurance that he's here, "And even knowing that… they are a part of the Force does not make it easier. But you are not alone in this, Reva. If you are troubled, I want you to come to me. I will help, whenever I can."

She sniffles, resting her forehead against his chest. "Okay," she chokes out. "Okay. I will. I – thank you… Anakin." She sounds so uncertain calling him his name, even though he had told her, several times, that she cannot call him 'Master Skywalker' here. And until he finds a different name for himself, he will continue to be Anakin.

Reva falls asleep shortly thereafter, but Anakin lays awake for what feels like hours before he finally, finally drifts off.

In his dreams, he's back in the Council chambers, his body unresponsive to him, no matter how hard he struggles. The clones' hands are hard and unyielding, keeping him on his knees as Inquiere spins his lightsaber around, taunting him, as he cuts down the children who had looked to him for help.

But it's not the boy – Sors – who is killed last. It's Reva, her dark brown eyes wide with terror. "You promised," she says, accusing, her headless body crumpling to the floor. "You promised to protect me."

He wants to throw up, feeling both hot and cold at once, the Force wild and uncontrolled in his grasp. "I tried," he gasps out, fighting tears. "I tried."

"Not hard enough," Reva's head argues, and the Force wrenches from his control, the clones and Inquiere thrown to the opposite wall, crushed on impact. And when he looks, he can see two of his men. Rex. Fives. Faces he knows as well as his own. Men he had loved and protected. Men who were as close as brothers to him.

He jerks awake, emotionally wrung out, silent tears sliding down his face. He knows better than to cry on Tatooine, because tears are a waste of water, but just this once, he gives himself a minute of weakness, and lets himself cry. It's his greatest fear, to fail everyone around him. Already, he has failed so very badly. He has failed all the people counting on him: Obi-Wan, the Jedi, the younglings, his men, Padme, their child. He's failed them. It's easy to resolve not to do so again, but it's hard to actually carry through with that resolution.

Is he truly good enough for Reva? Before he left the others, Anakin had thought he would be. He had thought that he could help her, but can he truly? Or he is only destined to fail her too, as he has everyone else?

Breathing out shakily, he blinks away his tears, forcing them away. He cannot afford to cry; they do not have the water to spare, and he has no right to dwell on his own self-pity when he has more important things to worry about: namely, Reva. There is a child counting on him, and true, this is hardly the first time, but it's far more terrifying now, because he's entirely alone. They're alone.

The thought rings hollowly in his mind, as hollow as the gut-clenching devastation he had felt in his nightmare. His stomach twists, but he swallows down the nausea, counting backwards from a hundred to calm himself and unwind the tension in his body.

Finally, when his breathing is steady again, Anakin lets his gaze focus on Reva. She's sleeping, her expression peaceful and childlike in a way it isn't when she's awake. She has lost so much, and she cannot lose him, too, to his own self-loathing and guilt. He must be strong for her sake. Her body is warm and alive next to him, and he touches her Force signature, lightly stroking along the weak bond linking them together.

The feel of her, her deep, even breathing, assures him that she's still alive, and with her as an anchor, knowing that sleep will not come, Anakin lets himself drift into the Force, seeking out meditation in lieu of sleep. No doubt, he will regret his inability to rest tomorrow when exhaustion nags at him, but for tonight, it will be enough. He has faced worse during the war, after all.

He empties his mind as Obi-Wan taught him, and in the cold of the desert night, Anakin seeks out solace from the Force, the one thing he has always had, the one thing he can never lose.

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