She didn't know how long she stared at the little pink plus in horror. It had to be wrong. It HAD to be wrong. So wrong she sat waiting for the second test to finish. Which took an exuberant amount of water she had to chug to work enough liquid to pee again. She thought her nerves were bad before, they were nothing compared to now. She had already puked once after the first test.

The waiting was killing her. A whole ten minutes? Her stomach was already rolling again. She didn't know how Alastor hadn't broken the door down yet, she was not containing any of her nervousness or panic. She didn't even see his shadow peek in to check on her. She wasn't sure if she was worried or relieved. She set a boundary and he was not crossing it, something she wasn't used to. But the fact she was slowly losing her sanity as she paced the bathroom, unable to stop moving and he wasn't at least sending his shadow to make sure she was okay seemed to add to her panic.

She checked her watch, nine minutes. Close enough. It was sure to be negative. And then she could laugh this all out of her system. She took a breath, her heart rate had skyrocketed.

Oh no.

She was going to be sick again. She didn't think there was anything left in her stomach to upchuck but it didn't seem to matter as her stomach expelled whatever it could, mostly water. Her body started shaking. She didn't like kids, she was good with them, they seemed to like her, but she never wanted any of her own. She didn't want to be a mom. What was she going to do? Not to mention she was going to have to tell Alastor.

The thought made her stomach roll again. Would he be excited or just as panicked as she was? Would he even believe her? Surely at some point it would be undeniable but that didn't make her feel any better. This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to be possible.

Her breaths became short and small. No, she couldn't don't this. She placed a hand on her chest trying to get her breathing under control, it didn't work. Tears started slipping from her eyes and her breaths started becoming difficult. Her eyes widened as she couldn't stop herself from gasping for air. She tried to breathe normally but it felt like there was no air left in the room for her to inhale.

A loud banging on the door had her pause for a second as her breaths became hiccups.

"Ellen?"

She wanted to respond, she really did, but nothing passed her throat. She had only experienced this once before, and she was lucky her boyfriend at the time knew what to do, otherwise she wouldn't have been okay. He had given her an ice cube to hold as he took loud steadying breaths to help her get her breathing back under control. He had asked her to focus on the room, so that's what she tried, though she didn't have an ice cube. Her eyes moved to the tub. Cold, she just needed something cold. She didn't bother trying to stand, moving over to the bath and flipped the water on as cold as she could get it

"I'm coming in."

Alastor took one look at her, half draped over the tub in tears, struggling to breath and quickly moved to her side.

"What in the nine-"

She responded with a sharp gasp of air, and that seemed to be enough to get the message across.

She flipped herself into the tub, the ice cold water shocking her skin, but giving her something to focus on. The cold soaking in against her back.

It didn't occur to her until later that Alastor would probably have had experience dealing with this sort of stuff. He probably sent many people into some sort of panic attack when they realized he was going to kill them. It was probably why he seemed so calm about the whole thing. Something she would note for next time, not that she wanted there to be a next time.

"What do you need?"

"Breath."

That was all she could manage. She closed her eyes, turning her focus to the cold water running around her. It sucked, but it gave her something to focus on. The cold, the wet slowly creeping up her shirt, working its way up the front of her shirt coating her in a blanket of cold. Every hair was standing on end even the hairs on her head felt like they were standing on end, the familiar numbing feeling of pins and needles coating her from head to toe. She shivered but eventually fell into time with Alastor's breaths. Slowly getting herself back to normal. Trying to focus on everything but her mind. Sounds, touch, smell.

She let the sound of the faucet running and Alastor's breaths become the focus of the sounds in the room. At some point music had been turned on, whether it was a radio summoned in by Alastor or simply just playing from his staff she didn't know, but she appreciated it nonetheless. Something much easier to let herself get lost in. When her breaths started to become more stable she moved to the smells of the room.

Despite being soaked to the bone, she could still catch a hint of the brimstone and smoke that had clung to the fabric of her clothes from her time outside. To her surprise she could catch a faint hint of Alastor, the light musk of something earthy and woody. It was once she realized this that it clicked she was back to breathing normally, but she didn't move, letting the smells and sounds ground her until she was sure she was okay.

She didn't know how long she sat in the tub, cold water running, her body trembling from the cold. She took one more calming breath before sitting up and reaching over to turn the tap off.

She looked at herself in the tub cold and shivering. Why did she drench herself in the tub completely? It would have been so much easier just to have her hand under the running tap, or even use the tap up at the sink. She had soaked herself completely in the bathtub. She shook her head. It did what she needed it to, though it now seemed a bit extreme.

Alastor sat on the edge of the tub beside her clearly unsure what to do. He watched her as she slowly stood, pulling her soaked hoodie off. Alastor quickly followed her to a stand and with a snap of his fingers had a towel ready for her.

"Thank you." She couldn't quite meet his eyes yet. She knew it wasn't something she could have controlled but she still felt embarrassed he had seen her like that. All because she was… She mentally shook the thought.

The two remained quiet as she slowly got herself dried and changed, he eyed her carefully for most of it, only turning away as she changed.

She glanced over to the floor by the toilet where the two pregnancy tests sat, having been knocked off the counter at some point during her panic. Better now then later she guessed. He was smart, he would figure it out soon enough. That, and there was no way she could lie about it. Especially now that he had seen her aimlessly throwing herself into the bathtub. Not something one could simply brush off.

"So um…" She pressed her lips together, and gaze back to the floor.

"You don't need to explain." She could feel his eyes on her, she slowly made herself meet them. The second she saw the concern he had almost successfully hid behind his neutral expression, she looked away again. She hadn't meant to cause such a fuss, worrying him like that. He may not need an explanation, but she felt he deserved one.

"I said I needed to figure something out. Well I did." Her voice was a lot more shaky than she wanted it to be. She was hoping to have humor in her tone, but it clearly didn't carry through.

"I presume it wasn't what you expected."

She pulled her arms tighter around herself trying to keep the tears at bay. It was the exact opposite from what she was expecting. This was supposed to be impossible, yet now she couldn't deny it. Though it did explain some of the weird feelings and actions from the past few weeks. Months? Had the signs been there the whole time and she just ignored them?

She shook her head, her voice betraying her, her words no louder than a whisper. "It wasn't."

He lightly pulled her gaze back to his, his expression as serious as one could manage with a smile pulled across his face. "What are you not telling me, Ellen? This appears to be something quite substantial. I can not assist you if you do not tell what it is you are dealing with."

She didn't pull her head away, but her eyes definitely shied away from his. What was she supposed to say? Even if she wanted to just blurt it out the words couldn't seem to get past her lips, caught in her throat. Maybe if she didn't say the words out loud, she could pretend she was wrong, pretend this was just some bad dream.

"I'm… I don't know how…It shouldn't be possible…I thought…"

She groaned. Why was this so hard? He wouldn't be mad would he? Maybe they were on the same page, surely raising a kid in Hell was a crazy thought. She didn't think she could do it. She slowly bent down to pick up the two sticks and placed them on the counter, her eyes moving to Alastor, to see if he was watching.

He was watching her intently.

Maybe she didn't need to say it, he could figure it out on his own and spare her from stuttering her own words. When he continued to stare her stomach started to churn again. He was going to make her say it. Couldn't he just put the pieces together? It was right there, he watched her pick up the tests.

"I'm pregnant." It came out in such a hushed voice she wasn't sure he heard it.

She waited for some sort of response, reaction, but he just stared, expression neutral and unreadable. Not something that happened often, normally she could get a read off him, but at this moment he was indecipherable. She bit her lip, the seconds feeling like hours causing her nerves to spike again. She wasn't sure how much more of this uncertainty she could manage. Surely this wasn't good for the baby. Maybe he hadn't heard her.

"You are not mistaken?"

What kind of an answer was that? Was it bad? Was it good? She couldn't meet his gaze, looking back to her feet. A part of her wish she was mistaken. This was going to blow up in her face and she definitely didn't have the emotional capacity to handle it right now. She should have waited, tried to keep it to herself for as long as possible, waited until she had a better grasp on it before having to deal with this. Too late now.

She pressed her lips together to keep them from quivering, surprised more tears slid down her cheeks. She didn't think she had anymore to spill, all day she'd been a mess. Heck for weeks. She couldn't speak so she simply gestured to the two pregnancy tests on the countertop. Hard to be mistaken if both came up positive.

"Well that's-"

"-I'm so sorry." She didn't let him finish, afraid of the answer.

"Sorry?" His head tilted sideways confused.

"I don't know how this happened. I thought I was crazy and now I'm-

He pulled her to him, hugging her tightly, the rest of her sentence muffled against his chest. "There's nothing to apologize for my little doe. Is this what you've been so worried about?"

"You're not…upset about this?"

"Heavens no! A bit surprised maybe, but I do believe it would be quite entertaining to mold and shape a little being into whatever I see fit."

Ellen shook her head. That was not a good reason to have a kid. Although he could have very easily come up with answers much worse considering they were in hell.

She pushed back from him quickly. "How could I not be worried, Alastor? This…" She stepped back looking at him like he was crazy, her tears falling freely and unrestrained. "…this is worse! There's no OBGYN's down here, no one to administer booster shots."

She started pacing the small space in front of him.

"What about prenatal shots? Or the fact we have no idea if I'll be giving birth to something human or demonic? Maybe both? Can I even do that? And what kind of life would that be if this kid turned out to be mortal? In Hell? What if I need a C-section? Or if there are complications?" She finally turned to face him again, not caring about how miserable she must look falling to a sit on the edge of the tub.

"Where the hell are we going to find anything for a baby down here? And if my body dies? Heck if I die in the process? What happens then?" She shook her head. "I can't do this, Alastor."

He bent down to kneel in front of her, reaching out and placing his hands on either side of her face. He gently pulled her to her feet and then wiped her tears with his thumbs. "My dear you forget, between the two of us there is nothing we can not accomplish. I have no issue acquiring anything you may feel you'll need."

"No. This isn't…" She pulled her head away from him. "That's not the point, Alastor…we can't. There are too many variables outside of our control."

He laughed. "Our marriage was much less planned than this, and as you so fondly like to reiterate, we'll figure it out"

"I'm not going through with this Alastor."

The two fell into silence, Alastor turning away in thought.

"You are not happy about this."

"This is a mistake, it wasn't planned, it…it's a kid Alastor. I…" She tried to get her thoughts together before continuing. He wasn't really thinking about keeping it, was he?

"This is another impossible feat we will work with to our advantage. Perhaps not exactly planned, but that seems to be the case regarding everything you find yourself involved in. I'm simply along for the entertainment and you, my dear, have yet to disappoint."

"No way. Not happening. This isn't just a…a game Alastor! This is a kid, a lifelong…an eternity long commitment. This needs to be thought through thoroughly and discussed and it's…it's a complicated decision."

"Is this considered a medical matter?"

Her eyes widened realizing what his next words were going to be. She wasn't going to have a choice. He got the final say and it was clear he wanted to keep it. She started shaking her head.

"No. No you don't get to do that. Alastor please…please don't do this."

"You will make a wonderful mother, of that I have no doubt."

She stood staring at him in disbelief, he had no way of knowing that and it shouldn't matter, it shouldn't be his choice.

"You don't get to make that decision, Alastor."

"I believe I do," he said earnestly.

"No." An awkward laugh slipped from her lips. "No, you're not the one that's ruining themselves, their body, for this, it's not your choice, it's not fair."

"Life has never been fair and seeing as I have the final say, the matter has been decided."

She glared at him long enough to spit, "I'm not going to forgive you," before storming out of the room slamming the door behind her.

The rest of the day she avoided Alastor and he was quick to realize she was doing it on purpose. Of course it was impossible to find a spot in the hotel where he wouldn't find her, but a few daggered looks his way was enough to keep him away. His shadow on the other hand didn't seem to get the hint. As much as she wanted to scream at it to leave her alone she couldn't, he hadn't really done anything wrong. And to no surprise, once it figured out what the argument was about he was elated, swirling around her in excitement and even she couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

She had escaped to her favourite spot, the roof, watching as the sun was starting to set. She didn't bother heading down for dinner, she was fairly certain she was just going to throw it up later anyway. She let out a long sigh as she pulled her knees to her chest. This had to be a mistake or at least a bad dream, but no matter how hard she tried to force those thoughts through her head she knew it wasn't true.

"My own life is a disaster, how am I supposed to nurture someone else's?"

She only got a few chitters in response as the shadow moved closer watching with a head tilted.

"I hope he knows what he's doing, cause this is…this is something else."

Ceciles words crossed her thoughts as she sat quiet for a bit. Their souls were compatible so in the end was this going to be a good thing? It wasn't something to divorce over, not that she had ever really thought that as an option. Things would work out, even if right now it all seemed like a disaster. It would have to, but it still didn't make her feel any better.

She heard the roof access open but she didn't care to see who it was, she knew it wouldn't be Aastor. Through the corner of her eye a flash of white and pink moved to sit beside her. Alastor's shadow slipped from sight, likely leaving her with Angel.

"We missed ya at dinna. Ya good?"

"Just needed some air."

He nodded, turning to look out over the city. "Husker said you looked pretty pissed when you got back."

"I was."

His gaze moved to watch her. "He also said Al looked like a whipped puppy, followin' far enough back not to get caught."

"I may have yelled at him about something."

"And that's why yous hidin' up here?"

Ellen huffed through her nostrils. "Can't really hide from the Radio Demon, now can I?"

"At dinner, he asked everyone ta give ya some space for a few days."

Ellen chuckled a small smile pulling up the left side of her mouth, finally turning to face him. "You follow rules well Angel."

He shrugged as a small smirk pulled at his mouth. "Eh, I gotta make sure you're good. If he's tellin' everyone to give ya space there's a reason."

"I-" The small smile she was sporting fell to a frown. She could hardly comprehend being pregnant; there was no way she was ready to share that news.

"I'm okay, just had a bit of a rough day." Not a lie.

"Well whatever ya need ya let me know kay? I get the feeling smiles did somethin but I ain't gonna pry."

She leaned over resting her head on Angel's shoulder. "Thank you Angel."

"Sure thing toots."