A/N: I saw Wicked yesterday and absolutely loved it! It was so good! Now I can't wait for part 2! Anyway, as promised, this chapter has Rachel's "farewell for now" Wicked performance. It DOES technically contain some mild Wicked spoilers if you're unfamiliar with the show (pure coincidence the movie is out the same weekend as this chapter) so if you don't want to have anything spoiled, stop reading when it says '"—and we were both very young." Ashley, as Glinda, says.' Because everything after that is about the show. Though most of the "spoilers" are for act 2 and that movie isn't coming out for like a year (boo). Personally I don't think reading this will detract from the show at all, but I won't hold it against you for not wanting to risk it. It's why I'm making this announcement, after all. The choice is yours!
Chapter 6
They all stay in Ohio for another day before going home and getting back to their jobs. They use that time to start the process of purchasing the section of woods that includes their beloved spot. They don't want to risk losing it so they agreed to all chip in and buy it. Rachel and Finn, neither of whom are working at the moment, stay longer. They take advantage of their Dad's pool and use the time to relax with family. When they get home, Rachel knows they have some serious discussions to have. However, they'll have to wait another day. The day after they get home she has treatment that leaves her with a really bad headache. She and Finn are both relieved that the timing worked out that Finn is home all summer to be with her and help take care of her. If they're very, very lucky she'll be back in remission by the time the school year starts up. Rachel isn't expecting that, though. The last two times lasted over a year, so she's bracing herself for that again. They'll have to discuss what to do if she's not much better before the school year starts. Finally, they have the time (and she feels up to) a serious conversation. Rachel shuts off the television, perches on Finn's lap. and takes his hand in hers.
"I need you to know a few things." Rachel says calmly but seriously, looking into her husband's eyes.
"I'm listening." Finn replies, matching her seriousness.
"First, I need you to know that while I am leaning on you and counting on you to help me through this, I need you to take care of yourself."
"I will."
"I need you to really promise me, Finn. This is falling primarily on you. I need your help. I'm going to need more help as time goes on and I want you to be the one as much as you can. But I need you to be strong and that'll only happen if you take care of yourself. Find time to step away from me and take a break. Whether you ship me off to our brothers or to our parents for a while, or if you leave me here with the brothers while you go home or to Noah's and Sam's. You need to take the time to vent however you need to as long as it is safe. Cry, scream, break things, sing, play drums, I don't care. Just don't bottle it up. You need to let me or someone know if you're having trouble sleeping so we can help. I need you to let me or someone know if you need help or need a break. I need you, so I need you strong, so I need you to really take care of yourself."
"I promise, Rachel. But only if you make the same promise. I need you to really take care of yourself, I need you to vent, and I need you to let me know if you need anything."
She nods. "I promise." Her thumb strokes his jaw. Slowly, a small smile grows on her lips. "You know, when I was stage four and dying and chose to come back, I came back for you."
His lips smile but his eyes are sad. "I know. You've told us. You came back for us."
"I did. For all of you; my mom, dad, Kurt, you - all of you."
"What about it?"
"I meant it. But I left something out."
"What?"
"I mostly came back for you. I realized that if I died, I'd never get the future I want with you. I wouldn't get to marry you, have kids with you, or grow old with you. The only way I'd get that was to live. So I chose to live. I came back to make a life with you, Finn. I chose this over heaven. You are my heaven. It was the dream of a future with you that gave me the strength to face all of it. So please remember this when I'm falling apart and saying I don't want to fight anymore. If it ever gets to that point, I'm sure I'll truly feel that way in that moment, but I need you to know that I still won't act on it. I'll keep fighting anyway. To get my happily ever after with you."
His eyes are bright. His next breath is shaky. "You know, sometimes I forget that you actually love me as much as I love you."
Realizing what he's implying, her eyes sting. She leans forward and captures his lips with hers. "I need you to promise me one more thing."
"Anything."
"That you won't crumble if I die."
His words come out choked. "I can't promise that."
"Finn, I need to know that you'll take care of yourself and be okay no matter what."
"I won't be okay. So I can't promise that. But I promise to take care of myself."
She sighs but lets it go. She had to at least try.
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Billy Washington, owner of their apartment building, called and asked her to come to his office on the first floor. She and Finn went, with Yero coming along as usual. Billy waves to the seats in front of the desk and invites them to sit.
"I'm so sorry to hear about your relapse, Mrs. Hudson."
"You can call me Rachel, Billy. We've discussed this." She smiles kindly. "And thank you. It was a shock to us."
"I'm sure. Now, the reason I asked for this meeting is I understand you're no longer working."
"Correct."
He turns to Finn. "And you're a teacher."
"Yeah." Finn nods.
"I'm going to be blunt and please answer honestly. Can you afford to keep your apartment without your income, Rachel?"
Husband and wife share a wary glance. They'd discussed it recently. They're not hurting for money right now, but not having her income on top of medical costs…... "For a while, yes. But if this goes beyond a year, then probably not."
Billy shakes his head. "You're going through something scary and upsetting. Your full focus should be on your health. I don't want you to also be worrying about money and paying your rent. Your rent is $0 a month until you're back in remission."
"Billy—"
"No. I'm serious. I've helped out other residents who had extenuating circumstances, so this isn't unusual. And this isn't my only building, remember. Cutting your rent for a year or two isn't going to hurt me."
Her eyes well with tears in gratitude. "Thank you, Billy."
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She convinced Finn to let her leave by herself. She wanted to go get his birthday gift in person. His birthday is still weeks away, but she'd feel better getting his gift early. Especially not knowing if she'll feel up to shopping closer to his birthday. He's wary because they don't know how long it'll be between moderate attacks and it's already been a few weeks since her last one. But she's still only had a few symptoms to deal with. Tiredness remains the worst, but she's been getting more frequent headaches and her gums bled the other day. Leaving alone was an argument, but she won. So now she's out shopping for a birthday gift for Finn. She's had two store owners start out telling her dogs aren't allowed before seeing the service animal vest and pouting, knowing they can't legally kick her out. Finally, she found a nice leather wallet and had his initials engraved in it and a small anchor engraved in the top corner. Finn's been using the same worn out wallet for years. This will be a nice replacement. She proudly tucks the gift into her purse and heads out onto the sidewalk to go home. Finn will be happy she didn't spend all day out shopping. She's walking and keeping her eyes out for cabs when Yero suddenly yelps and stops walking. Rachel comes to a halt and looks down at him. He's holding his paw up and whining in pain. Worried, Rachel kneels down.
"Yero? Let me see your paw." She reaches out to grab that leg and he yelps and tries to back away. She puts her hand on the ground to scoot closer and immediately yanks it back with a gasp. Her palm is bleeding. That section of the sidewalk is covered with broken glass. Realizing Yero probably stepped on one and got hurt, she quickly stands and lifts him into her arms.
"C'mon, boy."
Carrying Yero, her hand bleeding, and (as she can now see) Yero's paw bleeding, Rachel moves as fast as she can. Her head swivels around, trying desperately to spot a taxi. They all drive past with lights off. She's gone two blocks and is debating calling either Finn or an Uber when she realizes she won't be able to keep carrying him much longer. Her arms are tiring already and she's starting to breathe hard. She stumbles to the right and leans against a storefront, trying to keep Yero up and his paw off the ground.
"Whoa, lady, you okay?"
"Miss? Are you alright?"
A man has paused in front of her, looking concerned. Beside him are two teens. As is common in New York, everyone else on the sidewalk passes by without comment. "I just I just I…I need to get him to a vet. He hurt his paw."
"You stay here, I'll stop a taxi for you." His eyes jump between Yero's service animal vest and Rachel's clearly tired expression.
The man heads to the curb, peering down the street. One of the two teens whips out her phone. "Um, this says there's an emergency animal hospital a few blocks that way."
"Thank you."
"No problem. I hope your dog's okay."
The teens walk away, glancing back at her as they do. The man has managed to stop a taxi and points to her. The driver nods. The man opens the back door, then heads to her.
"Are you okay to walk?"
"Yes, but—"
"I'll take your dog and put him in the cab first, if you want."
"Thank you."
The man does. He carefully lifts Yero and places him on the backseat. Rachel pushes herself off the wall beside her. Exhausted, she wavers briefly, but pushes on towards the taxi. The man turns back and is startled to see her heading towards him. He grabs a hold of her arm until she's seated in the taxi.
"Thank you for your help."
"You're welcome. Good luck."
Rachel turns to the driver. "I need the nearest vet or animal hospital. Someone told me there's one a few blocks away?"
"There is. I know it." He takes off driving.
Rachel pulls Yero onto her lap, careful not to get blood on him from her cut hand, and pets him, cooing to him that he'll be okay. Yero is still whining softly and her eyes well up in tears. She's never seen him hurt this bad. She sniffles. Realizing her hand is still bleeding, she grabs a tissue from her purse and clutches it in her injured hand. It's all she has on her. They pull up in front of the vet and Rachel opens the door. She struggles but manages to get out of the car with Yero in her arms. She uses her foot to kick the door shut and hurries into the building. They have her carry him to a room where she lays him on the exam table. When she backs away, Yero immediately whines loudly and tries to follow her. She hurries back to the table and pets him.
"It's okay, Yero. It's okay." She hates that he's in pain and scared. She'll do whatever she can to comfort him.
The veterinarian comes in and examines his paw. There's still a piece of glass imbedded in it. Rachel is glad she didn't drop him or have to put him down; the glass shard would have been pushed into his paw further.
"Don't worry," The woman says with a warm smile to both Rachel and Yero, "we'll get that paw fixed up quickly. He'll be fine and back to doing his job in no time." The vet's eyes take in all of Yero and Rachel before frowning. "You're bleeding, too."
"I leaned on the ground to check on him before I saw the glass."
"When did you last have a tetanus shot?"
"Less than three years ago, when I started working."
"Good. You don't need another then. But you do need to get that bandaged."
Rachel nods, still petting Yero soothingly, her fingers scratching behind his ears and down his back. She talks to him about walks and treats to get him to focus on her and not the vet working on his paw. He yelps and whines from time to time, but is thankfully calmer than before. After a few more minutes, all glass has been removed, and his cuts have been thoroughly cleaned and bandaged. The vet gives Rachel extra bandages for the next few days and a small tube of antibiotic cream to use.
"Now, can I clean and bandage your hand for you? So that you can get home faster? Or do you want to go to a human doctor?" The woman asks kindly.
"If you can do it, I'd appreciate it. It's just a small cut."
"But bleeding a lot."
"Part of my condition." Unfortunately.
The tissue in her hand is soaked. The vet puts on clean gloves and removes the tissue stuck to her palm. Some more blood seeps out, welling up in her palm. The vet frowns and uses gauze to soak it up before cleaning it. Rachel barely reacts to the cleaning process, making the vet give her a surprised look.
"That had to sting. It's a strong antiseptic but you didn't even flinch."
"I'm used to worse." Thanks to her now more frequent mild attacks.
The vet's eyes jump to Yero's service animal vest. "I see. Is there someone you can call?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna call my husband and ask him to come get us. I don't think I can carry Yero anymore."
The woman nods and smears antibiotic cream on her hand before bandaging it. "Alright. That's all I can do. If it keeps bleeding—"
"I'll end up in the ER."
"You can stay back here until your husband arrives."
"Thank you."
She leaves and Rachel pulls out her phone. Finn picks up fast.
"Rach?"
"Can you come get us?"
"Yeah, where? You okay?"
She gives him the address and name of her location.
"An animal hospital?"
"Yero stepped on glass and hurt his paw. I carried him most of the way here, but I'm too tired to keep carrying him."
"I'll come get him and carry him, don't worry." She can hear the ding of their elevator in the background and knows he's already on his way. "What about you? How are you?"
"I leaned down on the ground to check on him. I didn't see the glass and put my hand down on it. I got cut."
"How bad is it bleeding?"
"Not bad, but it is still bleeding a bit. The vet cleaned it up and bandaged it for me."
"Alright. We'll keep an eye on it at home."
Finn arrives twenty minutes later. The first thing he does when he walks in is hug her. Then he checks her hand to see if it's bleeding through the bandage. It's not, thankfully. Then he pets Yero and checks on him. He lifts Yero into his arms and Rachel follows. She'd filled out the necessary forms for billing while waiting for Finn, so they're free to go. At home, Finn insists they both curl up on the couch and relax. Yero snuggles right into Rachel and she wraps her arms around him.
"My two invalids." Finn jokes. Rachel and Yero both give him annoyed looks, making him laugh. "Sorry. My two injured family members. Rest up, you two."
Over the course of the evening, Rachel's cut continues to slowly seep blood, only stopping after dinner. Rachel convinced Finn that since it stopped, and it only slowly seeped blood, it wasn't that bad. They'll bring it up at her treatment the next day. Reluctantly, Finn agreed.
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They decided she didn't need a second transfusion, which was a relief. It also means her numbers haven't dropped, which is comforting. Maybe she won't need the bone marrow transplant after all. Maybe she just needs more double treatments every week for a while. Feeling better over all, she's able to not let the nausea upset her. She doesn't eat dinner but promises Finn she'll eat a large breakfast in the morning, which she does. Yero's paw is healing, but he's still limping around the apartment. Finn has taken him out on short walks just to relieve himself, then carries him back in. Hopefully he'll be back to walking on his paw normally soon.
Her final show is coming up. She has mixed feelings about it. Mostly she's relieved she gets to say an actual goodbye to the stage for now instead of being left with the abrupt departure she'd had. On the other hand, she fears it'll make her feel worse afterwards. She misses it. She misses performing. She misses her fellow cast members and crew. They're all so wonderful and she should be working with them every day. Getting one more taste of it might make it harder to walk away from; not that she really has a choice. Still, she likes the idea of getting a "farewell for now" performance.
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Noah Puckerman thought long and hard on this. Rachel deserves revenge for knocking him into the pool. But obviously there's only so much he can do to get her back. He had the idea of taking her out (with others as well, a small group), getting her drunk, then having a friend of his give her a fake tattoo so she'd think she got a new tattoo while drunk. Quinn reminded him that she can't drink much alcohol (or any, really) while on her medications. He'd groaned in disappointment, but he'd never do anything that could harm her. After talking it over with Quinn, he finally came up with a good revenge prank.
He and Sam invited the Hudsons over to their place for pizza and game night. They happily agreed. Quinn would be there, too. There's no way she'd miss this. He grinned deviously. As planned, Sam distracted Finn in the living room while Puck called out to Rachel, asking for her help in the kitchen. Quinn sat at the table, insisting on being an innocent bystander. Rachel walked through the doorway and instantly jumped at the popping sound when Puck used his BB gun to shoot the balloon hanging above the doorway. The sound became the least of her worries. The balloon had been filled with flour. Rachel stood there in the doorway to his kitchen covered in white powder and glowering at him while he laughed his ass off. Quinn hid her giggles behind her hand. Finn and Sam came hurrying over only to skid to a halt upon seeing the mess.
"Puckerman!" Rachel screeches.
Laughing, Puck holds up his hands. "This was revenge!"
"You said war!" Rachel reminds him, her eyes glimmering. "That means this isn't over."
"In the words of a cocky Broadway star I know, 'bring it'." Puck smirks.
"Or we could hug it out." Rachel holds out her arms and smiles innocently.
"No way! Stay back!"
Rachel comes closer. There's only one entrance to the kitchen so when Puck makes a break for it, Finn decides to side with his wife and blocks the way, shoving Puck back into the kitchen and straight into Rachel's powdery arms. She giggles while hugging him, rubbing her arms to spread the flour over him as much as possible. He grabs her arms to stop her only to slip on the powder on the floor. Rachel lands on top of him, still laughing. She uses this to her advantage and shakes the flour out of her hair and onto him while he tries desperately to squirm out from under her. The ground him is slippery, not giving him any traction. The others stand back and laugh, enjoying the show. Both covered in flour, they call a truce.
"I think that backfired, Puck." Quinn tells him with a grin. "You have just as much flour on you as she does now."
He glares at his girlfriend. "Thanks for the support."
They take turns using the shower to clean up. Rachel doesn't have clean clothes here so she borrows a pair of Quinn's workout shorts and ties them as tight as possible. Just to be annoying, she takes on of Puck's shirts and wears it instead of one of Quinn's. Upon seeing it, Puck rolls his eyes and mutters something about little sisters and girlfriends taking his clothes.
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Rachel is peeling potatoes into the sink, pushing the peels down the garbage disposal once she gets a big enough pile. It's a little warm for a stew, but Finn made a comment about wanting it the other day. She doesn't mind making stew but doesn't particularly like how long it takes to prep all the vegetables. She listens carefully and determines that Finn is still playing video games.
"Hey, Finn?"
He jogs into the kitchen. "Yeah?"
"Can you prepare the carrots?" She gestures to the carrots already washed and sitting on the cutting board on the counter.
"Sure."
Relived she has one less task, she goes back to peeling the potatoes. However, her attention is quickly pulled back to Finn and the carrots.
"Watch out! She's got a knife and she's coming!" Finn opens a drawer and pulls out another vegetable peeler. He sets it beside the carrots. "Here, take this to protect yourselves with." Then he nods to Rachel and says very seriously, "They're prepared."
He walks out of the kitchen and back to his video games. Rachel turns back to the sink and tosses the peeler into it. She can't help but laugh. She married a child. Minutes pass and her chuckles fade. Instead, mild irritation over having to do it all herself with no assistance creeps in. She's making this dish for him because he asked for it. She peers into the living room and confirms her suspicions; he's playing a live game with his friends. Hearing that Noah and Artie are on the game as well, she grabs her phone and sends them a quick text message.
"Destroy him."
Smirking, she goes back to preparing dinner. As she does, she listens in amusement to Finn's growing frustration and shouts of distress. It's not long before he's kicked out of the round and he shuts the game off. There's a minute of grumbling from the living room. Then he comes shuffling into the kitchen.
"Sorry. I'll help."
She smirks but doesn't speak. Husband and wife work together to prepare their dinner. She lets him know she's forgiven him by starting to sing a duet they both like. Finn quickly joins in. They sing and cook and relax, enjoying this time together. Once the stew is cooking and just needs to be stirred occasionally, Rachel grabs Finn's hand and pulls him into a dance. He still doesn't particularly like dancing, but she's thrilled that he's happy to dance with her at home. They sway together in their kitchen, smiling and humming a melody. He twirls her out and back into his arms, making her laugh. They both enjoy the occasional evening like this.
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On Sunday their brothers join them for dinner. Usually, one of them invites the other over and whoever does the inviting does the cooking. Once in a while they decide to cook together. Kurt suggested that this time and Rachel agreed. They gather in the Hudson's kitchen (it has a more open layout than the Hummel-Anderson's kitchen, which makes it easier for them to all be in it at once). Everyone has their assigned tasks. Even Yero has the task of delivering things from person to person. They put on music and cut and chop and season and stir, all while talking. Rachel loves these nights. It reminds her of when they all lived together in the townhouse. When the meal is ready they eat together, then clean up together. The "together" nights are fun but would be annoying if they did them too often.
Rachel carries the leftover bread to be put in the breadbox. The floor tilts beneath her feet, throwing her off balance. The bread drops to the floor as her hands fly out to grab onto anything or anyone to stay up. The problem is no one is beside her. Before they can get to her, everything goes black. The last thing she's aware of is the floor rushing up to meet her.
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"Shit!"
"Rachel!"
"Oh, God!"
Finn drops what he's holding without a thought in his rush to get to his wife. He drops to his knees and rolls her onto her back. The way her head limply falls to the side makes his stomach flip. Kurt and Blaine join him in seconds. Finn checks her pulse and breathing. Both good. He releases the breath he'd been holding and strokes her cheek.
"Babe? Rach? You've gotta wake up." He gently shakes her shoulder.
"C'mon, Tink. Save the drama for the stage." Kurt is rubbing her arm.
"Maybe we should get her off the hard floor?" Blaine asks.
"Right."
Finn is sliding his hands under her when Yero comes barreling into the room barking. When he skids to a halt beside them, he whines and nudges Rachel's unconscious form.
"There's no way—"
Before they can process that yes, that is what Yero meant, Rachel's face is scrunching up in pain. She gasps and her eyes flutter, her body already tensing up. Finn's heart clenches, imaging how jarring it must be to wake up in severe pain. He lifts her, pulling her against his chest and holding her securely. She's sitting sideways on his lap, curled into his chest, her head on his shoulder. His one arm is around her while the other is holding her head against his shoulder, keeping it steady as her body jerks in pain. Blaine takes one of her hands and squeezes. Kurt goes to grab her oxygen tank. Yero shuffles closer and rests his head on her lap. Rachel opens her eyes and moans, her hand clutching Blaine's. Finn kisses her head. They watch helplessly as she's pulled into consciousness in an extremely painful way. The pain is obvious, but so was her initial panic. Then, when she was conscious enough to be aware for her surroundings, the resignation sunk in. She curls more into Finn, taking in weak, gasping breaths. As the attack goes on, there are longer gaps between her taking a breath. They have a nasal cannula on her, but it doesn't help if she's not breathing.
"Breathe, Rachel. Just breathe." Finn tells her firmly. "Take another breath."
"Breathe." Blaine adds on.
She's trying. They can tell she's trying. But they can also tell that the pain is overwhelming her need to breathe. Her eyes roll. All three men panic and start shouting at her to stay awake and breathe. Jaw clenched shut and body shaking, she manages to stay awake and focus on Kurt. He talks to her, keeping her awake and breathing. When her body begins to slowly unwind, her hands releasing their death grip and her head slumping against Finn's shoulder, they know the attack is waning. Her eyes flutter and her chest is still moving unevenly.
"Rach? How're you feeling?"
Her lips part. They wait for her to gather the strength to respond. "…..Like….shit….."
Finn kisses her temple firmly. "I'm so sorry."
"We'll make you comfortable, alright?" Kurt insists. "Starting by getting you off this—"
Kurt's words fail and he leans closer to her, brow furrowed. At the same moment, Finn feels a change in Rachel's body. It's gone lax.
"Rach? Rachel?"
"Rachel, open your eyes."
"Can you hear me?"
They shake her and call her name to no avail. She's unconscious. "She just…..she just needs to rest."
"She's fallen asleep after attacks before." Blaine says nervously. "Right?"
"Almost always!" Kurt responds instantly. But then he bites his lip. "But did she fall asleep or pass out? That was fast. Sudden."
The three men stare at one another worriedly, uncertain what to do. As one, they look down at the unconscious woman in Finn's arms.
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Finn sits beside her bed; she's still unconscious. He holds her hand and waits, knowing she'll be unhappy when she wakes. She wakes slowly, in stages. He stays silent, letting her reorient. Her eyes scan the room, taking in enough detail to know that she's in a hospital and her expression falls.
"Damn." She mumbles.
Finn smiles sadly. "Sorry, babe."
She turns to him. He sits on the edge of her bed and leans forward. He kisses her gently on the lips. Her lips curve up slightly. He kisses her again. Her mouth curls into a smile.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Take me home now."
"No."
"Damn."
Looking around, she spots Blaine and Kurt as well. She snorts. "Okay, which of you three panicked and brought me here?"
They all point at each other.
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She was released a few hours later. They kept her for a little while to make sure she was improving and to have her talk to a doctor. Since this is the closest hospital to her home, and the one Dr. McCann is most affiliated with, they're considering this her "home" hospital. Rachel cringed thinking of it like that. The doctor, Dr. Preston, assured them he has some knowledge of AA, and now that he has a patient with it, he will be studying up and working closely with Dr. McCann. Rachel thinks about the partnership of Dr. Reed and Dr. Morgan. It'll basically be like that. Dr. McCann is her hematologist. Dr. Preston is the doctor she'll work with most when she's in the hospital.
Dr. Preston, a man with olive skin and dark hair, is older than Dr. McCann but younger than Dr. Reed. He has an easy going nature that seems at odds with a doctor. He explained that while the men did overreact and didn't need to bring her here (a fact that had Rachel rolling her eyes and the men looking away sheepishly), he did approve of the decision.
"Why?"
"You may not be feeling it yet, but you are very sick."
"I feel it at the moment." She admits darkly. It's been three hours since her moderate attack and she feels exhausted and weak.
The doctor nods. "And that is why it was still good that they brought you in. It wasn't necessary, but it was helpful. We were able to carefully monitor you, give you fluids, and we were prepared to give you pain medication if necessary."
She waves her hand dismissively. "There's no pain after a moderate attack ends."
"You fainted before the attack, woke up during it, then passed out after. They did not know how that would effect you."
"Did it effect you?" Kurt asks her curiously.
"Well…..I guess, since I passed out after. And it was harder to handle since I couldn't brace myself."
"And now?" Dr. Preston shines a light into her eyes and checks her vitals.
"I still feel exhausted. Can I go home to sleep, though?"
He smiles kindly. "You may. And just in time, since if you stay any longer they'll have to keep you overnight. Take it easy for the next day or so, okay? Just to be safe."
"She has her final show next Saturday." Finn says quietly.
"She should be fine by then. If not…..then only do what you can. I think they'll understand."
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She found out the hard way that she nearly gave their main doorman George a heart attack when Finn carried her, unconscious, out to a taxi. When they arrived home after she was released from the hospital, she was feeling better but still tired and Finn was still being overprotective. The result was her leaning on Finn, his arm around her, as they walked into the apartment building. George watched worriedly as they slowly walked in. Wanting to reassure the kind older man, she'd smiled warmly and greeted him, squeezing his arm as she passed. She'd gone straight to bed and slept until late morning. She'd have slept longer, but Finn had shaken her awake and handed her his phone, already talking to her mother. She'd spent a while reassuring her mom that she was feeling better. And she was. A night (and morning) of good rest was all she'd needed.
Dr. McCann asked to see her two days later. She knew it was either very good news or very bad news. She's spent the past few days resting. Now, though, she's waiting for her doctor to give her whatever news he has to give her. On the one hand, other than a few attacks and tiredness, and the one bout of dizziness that caused her to faint, she's been fine. So maybe it's good news. On the other hand, she has felt really weak and exhausted after the two moderate attacks she's had. She decides it'd be best to go in neutral; what's to come will come and she'll face whatever it is.
He started by questioning her on her symptoms, the dizziness and fainting, the frequency of her mild attacks, and the two moderate attacks she's had. She answers fully, leaving nothing out. He nods and takes notes as he listens. After, he sets his pen down and looks at her. She's used to this look from doctors but it doesn't make it easier to handle.
"Your numbers dropped. Even with two treatments a week."
"Am I stage two?"
"Not yet. But close enough that I think it best if we send you for a bone marrow biopsy. Then we can find you a donor. I'd feel better having that lined up. That way if you do drop to stage two, we'll be ready to begin the transplant process immediately."
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He'd wanted her to go for the biopsy on Friday. She'd balked at that. Her final performance is on Saturday. She's not missing it unless she's not conscious. There's a good chance she'll be sore for the next day or two after the biopsy and doesn't want anything to detract from her performance. Rachel meant her promise to do whatever she has to to get better. She stands by it. After Saturday. Finn had thankfully understood and agreed with her reasoning that a few more days won't hurt. Even Dr. McCann agreed. She is now scheduled for the biopsy on Monday.
Rachel spent the rest of the week in a weird, almost nervous state. She's both excited for her performance Saturday and worried it'll be hard on her emotionally afterwards. She's relieved they have a plan in place to help her get better. She's upset that a bone marrow biopsy is looking more and more likely. This time isn't like the previous two. She is forced to acknowledge that every time she has been sick has been a little different. The fact that her main complaint, outside of attacks, is fatigue is making her nervous. It should be a relief. However, she is finding that she'd almost rather it be like before where she'd have multiple symptoms hitting randomly, but none consistently worse than the others. Tiring easily makes her feel more sick than headaches or nausea did. Tiring easily makes her feel like her body is giving up even as her heart, mind, and soul continue to fight like hell.
Her parents came up the day before her final show. Her mom and Scott stay with them while her dad and Carole stay with her brothers. The eight of them had dinner together that night. The rest of her family begins trickling in late Friday night and early Saturday morning. Kevin called her after the matinee performance to tell her that there's already a line forming down the block of people trying to get in for her final show. As sweet as it is, it adds to her nerves. She's worried something will happen on stage; an attack, dizziness, or even nausea or a migraine. Those last two aren't common, but it's possible. Kevin reminds her that it's okay; the audience will be briefed beforehand that this performance will be a little more casual and to not worry if something happens.
"Tonight isn't about expecting you to put on an incredible performance. It's about supporting you and saying a temporary goodbye."
Jesse and Ashely have been texting or calling her frequently since she told them about her relapse, but for the past week they've been reaching out more frequently. They're just as excited for tonight as Rachel is. Late Saturday afternoon, Rachel felt weird, in a good way, while heading to the theater. Especially since she wasn't going alone. Finn insisted on dropping her off and of course Yero is always with her now.
She's startled to discover that the entire cast is already there and they greet her warmly. She gets many hugs, but thankfully the atmosphere is warm and happy, full of excitement instead of anything negative or sad. Kevin pulls her aside to make sure she's up for this (he'd heard from Jesse that she'd been rushed to the hospital earlier in the week). He also reminds her that she can relax and take it easy. Tonight is about having fun. She thanks him. Marcus takes his time covering her in green makeup. He keeps up a steady stream of happy chatter, but Rachel can tell from his eyes and slower motions than usual that he's getting a little emotional. When he finishes, she hugs him tight.
"I'm glad you're here with me for this."
He hugs her tight.
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The theater is packed. Beyond Rachel's family and friends, the house is packed with fans wanting to see Rachel's "goodbye for now" performance. Shelby looks around in awe. Every seat is filled. They brought in extra chairs that they filled in any open space. People are standing against walls. They're probably breaking a fire code but no one cares. Everyone is excited but also acknowledging that this is very bittersweet. Some are even already in tears. Shelby smiles slightly. She herself brought several packs of tissues stuffed into her purse. Seeing how many fans are upset really makes her realize how much of an impact Rachel has had in the six months of playing Elphaba. She also wonders how many of these fans started out seeing her as Fanny. Shelby turns to look further down her row. Dylan is trying to distract Oliver, who has been a wreck all day. He's thrilled to see Rachel perform on stage, as he always is, but is also upset about what this performance represents. The lights flicker, then darken. There's no need for people to hurry to their seats; everyone was already there, waiting eagerly. Kevin steps out onto the stage to address the audience.
"Good evening and thank you for coming. I am the director of Wicked and have been for the past several years. None of the actors performing today are any of the same actors I started with years ago. Each actor comes and brings something special to their role. Rachel Hudson has brought a new life and energy to the show that will be sorely missed while she's away. Hopefully not for too long. She came to me to tell me she had to break her contract early. I was shocked and upset. Then she told me why and I was even more upset. While I'm sure everyone here already knows, Rachel Hudson was sick as a teenager but has spent the past five years in remission. About two months ago she relapsed. She is once again battling a life threatening illness. There is no cure. But they are working on one. Included in your programs tonight, I'm sure you noticed the extra slip of paper we added. It has information on how to donate towards the cure to speed the process up."
He clears his throat.
"We know that Rachel will get better and go back into remission. But until then, she is unable to perform. We'd all been upset at her sudden departure from the stage. Her more than anyone, obviously. So we came up with this idea. A final performance…for now. However, while Rachel is currently doing pretty well, she is still very sick and she does have symptoms that could hit at any time and disrupt her performance. It could be as mild as a moment of dizziness or as serious as an attack. We have paramedics on standby just to be safe and we're going to take a longer intermission than usual to really let her rest. I bring this up because if the unlikely happens and the show is interrupted by a symptom of some sort, we are prepared to handle it and ask that you all remain seated and calm. She has promised me that the odds of anything happening tonight are very slim. While the cast will still put forth their best efforts, we also told them to have fun. Meaning they're permitted to break character or ad lib a little if they want. This is Rachel's 'goodbye for now' performance, but we also want it to be relaxed and fun. Now, I present to you, Wicked."
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"—and we were both very young." Ashley, as Glinda, says.
That's her cue. Rachel runs through the doors center stage and stops on her mark. She always gets applause here. Sometimes it's long, sometimes it's short, but there's always something. And since this will be her final show for a while, she expected a stronger applause tonight. She was not expecting the tidal wave of noise that hit her. The applause, whistles, shouts, and cheers were so loud and sudden she actually had to take a step back. After recovering, she laughs and smiles, waiting for it to die down. When it keeps going, she looks to the other cast members on stage and they shrug and smile. Rachel isn't sure if she should say something to the audience or keep going with the show. Unable to think of anything, she simply smiles, waves, and waits. Once they quiet down, the scene continues and she sings "The Wizard and I" with more emotion than usual. When Jesse first enters the stage and Ashely/Galinda names him "That's Fiyero Tiggular!" Yero, her dog, tried to run on stage thinking Ashley was calling him. Thankfully, Rachel had stepped off stage and was standing by him. She was able to keep him still. Her signal to stay off stage while people kept saying "Fiyero" kept the dog calm and still.
The next few songs and scenes are done by the script, though with a little more energy and emotion than normal. And during "Popular", Ashely had her hands on her more often; hugging, tugging, squeezing, poking….all in goofy ways that were in character, but also a little more warm than the actions she normally chooses for this scene. It also didn't escape Rachel's notice that any time she tried to stand up off the bed Ashley would tug her back down. Again, it was done in a silly way that made the audience laugh, but it happened frequently enough that Rachel could tell; her friend is just trying to keep her sitting down and resting. So she stopped trying to stand and just enjoyed the extra goofiness. Ashely is always fabulous and hysterical in this scene. But tonight, she goes so over the top that Rachel really has to struggle (more than usual) to not laugh. Finally reminding herself that it's supposed to be a relaxed and fun night, Rachel gave in and let herself laugh at how ridiculous Ashely was being as Galinda. She made it so funny that Rachel nearly missed the fact that she skipped a line. She, as Galinda, is supposed to say "Your whole life is going to change. And all because of me." She changed it to "Things will get better for you!"
During the scene with the lion cub, when Jesse/Fiyero leaves the stage and Rachel/Elphaba calls him back, Yero couldn't hold back. Having Rachel call his full name had Yero running on stage to be by her side. Rachel laughs and crouches down to hug him. Hearing murmurs and restlessness from the audience, Rachel knows she has to address it.
"Okay, before anyone starts panicking, yes, this is my service dog. But, I promise, everything is fine. He came running on stage because his name is Fiyero." The audience laughs, calming down. "I was sixteen when I got him and named him! Obviously I've always loved Wicked. I named him Fiyero, but I call him Yero more than Fiyero. Still, it is his name, and having me say it makes him think I'm calling him. Sorry!" She crouches down and pets him. "You're a good boy, Yero, but I wasn't calling you. Go back off stage. Go on." She urges.
Even though he gives her a backwards glance, he does as instructed. Once he's off stage, she signals for the show to continue, with her singing "I'm Not That Girl". During "One Short Day" there's a line that they sing together; "I think we found the place where we belong." During that line, several of the ensemble hold up a sign that reads "Yeah, Broadway!" Apparently Ashely hadn't been warned about that either and was just as surprised and amused by it. The women (and audience) laughed while singing before settling down and finishing the song together.
Initially, Kevin had said "absolutely not" to her going up in the lift 30 feet for "Defying Gravity". She'd been disappointed, but did see the wisdom in it. There is a way they practice the number for if the lift isn't working or if the actress can't go up for some reason, but Rachel pointed out that it's kind of a let down. Kevin had felt bad, but he held firm. He was not willing to risk it. But then she'd had a moderate attack less than a week ago. It's extremely unlikely that she'll get another so soon. And if she gets a mild attack, she has the arms of the machine around her waist for her to grab on to (and keep her up). They'd talked yesterday and again today before the show and came to an agreement. He made her sign a waiver stating that she will not sue or blame him or anyone connected to the show if she has an attack and/or gets hurt while on the lift. And there's paramedics on standby and several stage hands ready and waiting with ladders and tools to be able to get to her quickly in case of an emergency. She's relieved she gets to relive the full experience.
Rachel put all of her emotion and energy into singing it. She started crying while singing, but it only made her performance stronger. Later, she'll be told it was her best ever. No matter what, Rachel had fun performing it and she felt that she did a great job. She often gets a standing ovation for "Defying Gravity" but this one is the longest she's ever had. Several stage hands and her director are all waiting for her when the lift finishes descending. She's shaking lightly from emotion and smiling so widely her cheeks hurt. After pushing all of her emotion into the song, she's not surprised to find tears still streaming down her cheeks. They're a mix of joy and regret. The arms open, releasing her, and she steps out. Her knee buckles. Kevin immediately grabs her arm, keeping her up.
"Rachel?" He asks worriedly.
"I put too much energy into Act 1." She admits. "Especially that last number. I'm fine, I just need a break."
"It's intermission. We're making it a few minutes longer."
"Thank you."
Ashely wraps her in a hug as soon as she's away from the lift. "That was so good! It might have been your best yet!"
"Thanks, Ash. You, too! And you were absolutely hysterical in 'Popular'."
The women talk while heading to their dressing rooms. Rachel is trying not to get upset about the fact that she's as tired as she is. She hasn't been sick for long and yet the tiredness is already interfering with her day to day life. Especially days like today when she does something physically demanding. It's a sobering realization that she needs to truly slow down after this and focus on resting. She'll also have to think of something she can do to alleviate the boredom of doing nothing. Intermission is spent in her dressing room with Ashely and Jesse. They drink water, get into their next costumes, rest, and talk. Rachel is relieved that Kevin suggested a longer intermission than usual. As much as she hates it, she needs it. In the few weeks since she's relapsed, she hasn't been doing all that much. To go from doing basically nothing for weeks to doing a full show is harder on her physically than she thought it'd be.
Act 2 begins. During her scene with Don, playing the Wizard, some of her lines are hard to say given current circumstances. The wary look Don gives her at the start shows that he knows it. Instead of shying away from them, she allowed it to add to the emotion in her delivery.
"Don't you think I wish I could? I would give anything to turn back the clocks! To go back to that time when I actually believed—" that she'd be healthy for the rest of her life "—you were wonderful."
Don met her drama for drama, heightening the scene. Thankfully, once Don starts singing his song "Wonderful" they're both able to relax and be a little more silly. It lightens the mood. The brief moment she dances with him is sweet. When Jesse/Fiyero runs into the scene with Ashely/Glinda following, they have their first ad lib.
"All this time? The two of you? Behind my back?" Ashley/Glinda accuses them.
"No! It wasn't like that!" Rachel/Elphaba quickly denies.
But then Jesse steps up beside her and slips an arm around her waist, which is not part of the scene. "Well it was. We couldn't exactly do it in front of you."
Realizing he wants to ad lib and take advantage of the creative liberties they were given, Rachel decides to go along with it. "I mean, there was a chance you might have figured it out if we had."
The audiences laughs. Jesse is shaking from holding back his laughter. Ashely's eyes are glimmering with amusement but she stays in character. She stomps her foot.
"I would have figured it out if you'd kissed in front of me!"
"Not if I told you I was sharing her lip gloss." Jesse counters.
"Yes I would have because she doesn't wear lip gloss! I should know! I spent so many nights trying to convince her to put on makeup!" She replies in a 'gotcha' tone.
"You would have been too busy admiring yourself in the mirror to even see!" Rachel grins.
The audience laughs and "oooh"s.
Ashely gasps in an over dramatic manner.
"We should go." Jesse finally says, wrapping up their ad libbed scene. "Guards are coming with water."
"I hope it's for washing your uniform. When was the last time you washed it?"
"I told you it stunk!" Ashely calls to them.
"It's not that bad!" Jesse argues before grabbing Rachel's hand and tugging. "Let's get out of here."
"Fine! Go! You deserve each other!"
They get off the stage and make sure their mics are off before laughing. They quickly return to the stage for "As Long As You're Mine". They both recall how Rachel has been interpreting this song, and with her recent relapse it adds a new level of emotion. Normally when the song ends they kiss again. Tonight, Jesse pulls her into a tight hug and holds her instead. The catfight scene between Elphaba and Glinda was very over the top and very entertaining; for them and for the audience. The guards rush in to separate them, as is scripted. However, it doesn't go according to plan.
Before the guards can reach them, a mild attack strikes Rachel. She freezes mid-fight and struggles to keep her balance as she focuses on breathing through the pain. She stumbles slightly, one hand flying to her chest and the other going out to grab onto Ashley. Realizing something is wrong, Ashely grabs her and holds her steady. Rachel's face is pinched with pain. The guys playing the guards come to a halt a few feet away, uncertain what to do. The audience is murmuring in concern. Most of them, and no one from the cast or crew outside of Jesse, has ever seen any form of attack. It lasts for less than a minute, but it was a tense minute spent in awkward silence. Rachel flushes, glad no one can tell under all the green makeup. She breathes easily.
"I'm fine. It's over." She says calmly. "It was just a mild attack."
Ashely still doesn't let go of her and the guards hesitate to come closer. Rachel looks to her costar, indicating she should continue the scene. Ashely looks between her and the unmoving guards, then says her next line.
"Let me go! I almost had her!" She yells while she's still holding Rachel (and the guards several feet away).
The audience laughs. Taking that as their cue to come closer, the guys playing the guards grab them and separate them. Usually the guys just hold her arms. Tonight, Rachel realizes they're actually trying to hold her up. She wishes she could reassure them that she really is fine without interrupting the show again. Then Jesse/Fiyero swings in.
"Let the green girl go!" Clearly wanting to lighten the moment after her attack worried everyone, he picks up the fallen witch hat and sets it on his own head. He then says Rachel's next line in a falsetto before she has a chance to. "Fiyero, what in Oz?" Making them all chuckle.
Ashely yanks the hat off of his head and hits him with it.
"What is it with people taking things that don't belong to them?! Have we no manners?!"
The audience laughs while the actors try not to, though they can't help but smile. The scene continues as scripted, but when it's time for Rachel to run off stage, Jesse grabs her arm.
"You ready to run away?" He asks instead of his normal line.
"Well, I'd fly away but no one gave me back my broom." The audience laughs. Rachel whistles and Yero hurries onto the stage. She signals to the broom. Yero picks it up with his mouth and runs up to her, handing it to her. She takes it from him. "Thank you, Yero." She puts emphasis on his name while looking at Jesse, who grins.
"Oops." He mutters. When he'd taken her hat and gone off script, he'd forgotten to get her broom and toss it to her.
Rachel gives Jesse a look, waves her broom, and hurries off stage with Yero. The audience titters. She hurries to her next spot and waits for her cue to return to the stage for "No Good Deed". The mood of the show shifts. They'd been goofy and having fun moments before. Now it changes.
It's already a dark, intense, emotional song. Rachel is easily able to throw her heavy emotions into the song, causing tears to appear not only in her own eyes, but many in the audience as well. The heaviness of the song is quickly cut off and turns to laughter, however. While Rachel is dramatically belting "FIYERO!" Yero can't stay off stage. He comes running on stage and tries to lick her, knocking her over. The music stops. Laughing, Rachel sits up and pets him.
"Sorry! Sorry! He just can't stay away when I'm calling his name. Sorry. What am I gonna do with you, Yero?" He whines and tries to lick her. She signals for him to sit and pets his head. She sighs and turns to Phillip, the conductor of the orchestra. "Can we start again, please? Would that be okay?"
He smiles and nods. Realizing Yero isn't going to be able to stay away while she's calling his name repeatedly, she signals for him to lay down as the music starts up. Yero lays calmly, with his eyes on her the entire time, and she keeps a hand on his back as she sings her heart out. She allows the heavy emotions within her to pour out through the song. Her belts echo around the theater, giving an eerie tone that causes shivers. When the song ends, she realizes she put too much energy into it. She grabs the handle on Yero's vest and signals for him to go. She uses his momentum to pull herself up. Yero pauses and looks up at her, making sure she's steady before they both leave the stage to strong applause.
When Rachel and Ashely sing their "For Good" duet, it is the strongest and most emotional performance they've ever given. Both sang with tears streaming down their cheeks, and clinging to one another's hands. Their harmonizing, while belting, was goosebump inducing. Their hug afterwards was long and emotional, as well. The ending of the show had everyone in tears.
Jesse, playing Fiyero dressed as the Scarecrow, grabs Rachel's arms. "It's time to go."
A wave of emotion hits her and she has to swallow back tears. "We can never come back to Oz, can we?"
Seeing her reaction and knowing the parallels she's making to her own life, his face falls with sympathy. "No."
"I just wish—"
"What?"
"That Glinda could know that we're alive!"
"No! She can't know. Not if we want to be safe. No one can ever know." He backs away a few steps and holds out his hand. "Are you ready to go?"
In that moment, it's not Fiyero asking Elphaba if she's ready to leave Oz. It's Jesse asking Rachel if she's ready to let go of Wicked, and Broadway in general, for a while. She sucks in a shaky breath and looks around. Her eyes take in the set of Wicked, including Ashley above them in her bubble (eyes full of tears while watching them), then the audience with a completely packed house. She burns this moment into her brain to remember later. It'll be the last time she sees it for a long time. Possibly ever. She hears sniffles from the audience. She smiles as best she can, knowing it's tremulous, and turns back to Jesse.
"Yeah." She says, her voice thick with emotion. "I'm ready to go."
She slowly places her hand in his. They share a sad smile. From the audience, they can make out some people crying. He squeezes her hand as a few tears leak out of her eyes. Ashely, as Glinda, starts singing.
"Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but—" It's obvious she's trying not to cry.
Rachel joins her, harmonizing beautifully. "Because I knew you, I have been changed—"
"Because I knew you—"
"I have been changed—"
The chorus sings "Wicked!"
Rachel/Elphaba turns to face Jesse/Fiyero. He releases her hand to place her witch hat on her head for her. Rachel turns back to the audience one final time and blows them a kiss. The audience goes nuts cheering and applauding. She and Jesse grab hands once again and walk off stage together. As soon as they're off stage, Rachel falls into Jesse and cries into his shoulder for a moment. He rubs her back as she pulls herself together.
"Sorry." She swipes under her eyes. "Did I ruin my makeup?"
"It's a little washed away under the eyes, but all that's left is curtain call."
"Right. I have to go take my final bow."
"For now."
She nods. "For now."
They wait off stage together until their cue to go back on for their bows. The audience is on their feet roaring when she walks out and takes her bow. It goes on until Kevin comes out and waves them down. He hugs Rachel and hands her flowers. Then he seems to note how tired she is, because he gently wraps an arm around her waist while talking to her. Seeing no point in hiding or denying it, Rachel lets herself lean a little of her weight on him. She hopes he keeps his speech short.
"Rachel, we will sorely miss you while you are focusing on getting better. And we look forward to your triumphant return to the stage. Please know that we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers."
"Thank you."
He waves a hand to the audience. "Do you want to say a few words?"
She looks out at the eager faces, many wet with tears, and knows she has to say something. "I'm going to miss this so much. Thank you all for your continued support. I will do everything in my power to get better and return to the stage. Until then…..goodbye for now."
Rachel Hudson takes her final bow.
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A/N: Happy early Thanksgiving to my fellow American readers! Because of the holiday (and because I keep making changes to upcoming chapters) there may be a delay before the next chapter.