TDAD Book 5: Curtain Call

by TheSojournReader

Fifth book in the To Dream a Dream series. Everything Rachel ever dreamed of, everything she ever fought for, and everything she ever wanted, is within her grasp. Some people say not all dreams are meant to be. They never met Rachel Hudson.

14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The arm of the chair is digging into her side but she can't bring herself to move. Shelby sits leaning against the arm of the chair, her fingers squeezing the bridge of her nose. She focuses on taking calming breaths. In front of her, Rachel is lying flat on her back, unconscious, with a ventilator tube going down her throat. They've also added a feeding tube. She's only just been allowed back in. Finn was allowed in first. Then, when they were sure her vitals were steady, they allowed her back in. On the far side of the bed, Finn is leaning forward with his eyes closed. He's holding Rachel's hand and pressing it to his lips. They'd been in the room when it happened. A third severe attack. And again, her heart had stopped. Again, she watched as they performed CPR to try to save her baby girl. Again, it tore Shelby's heart from her chest. She uses her hand to rub her tired eyes and releases a heavy breath.

She'll be fine.

She'll be fine.

She's a survivor.

A survivor currently on life support.

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Her chest hurts. The coppery tang of blood tells her she bit her tongue at some point. Or bled again. Then she remembers; claws tearing her chest in jagged strips, leaving it in bloody tatters. Her body jerking out of her control. Which means she had a severe attack. Becoming more aware of her surroundings, she realizes there's a tube down her throat. She hears the whoosh of the ventilator breathing for her. Damn. Her hands are being held. Something is missing, though. It takes a moment to realize she's thinking of Yero. She misses his warm presence laying on her.

"—should go, Finn." Mom.

"I can't. Her heart already stopped twice today."

It did?

"At least eat in the cafeteria. Take a walk. Something." There's a beat of silence. "I'll call you if something happens."

"They left the crash cart in the room. Do they think—"

"It's just a precaution, Finn. Since her heart stopped again after the attack ended."

Not a good sign.

Finn sighs. She feels him squeeze her hand. If she squeezes back, he'll stay. If her mother thinks he needs to get out for a bit, then he clearly needs it. She remains limp. He kisses her temple, then her cheek.

"I love you." He whispers into her ear.

Rachel hears her mom shift in her seat, then she starts playing with her fingers. "You've gotta get better, baby girl. I don't know what that man will do otherwise. I don't know what I'd do. Or any of us."

So she'll keep her promise. She'll hold on and keep fighting. As best she can.

She drifts back to sleep.

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The next time she wakes, she's still in pain. She's also still on a ventilator. Not wanting to delay getting relief from the pain meds, she immediately squeezes the hands holding hers this time.

"Rachel?"

"Honey?"

It's a struggle but she manages to open her eyes. Kurt and her mom are with her. Looking around, she sees Finn asleep on the cot. Good. Not able to speak, she squeezes their hands harder.

"Are you in pain?"

Good ol' Mom figuring it out fast. She does her best to nod and squeezes their hands again for good measure. Her mom reaches up and hits a button.

"It should kick in soon, honey."

That's all she needed to know. She drifts back to sleep, hoping she doesn't wake up to more pain later.

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"Don't wait much longer."

Mark clutches the phone in his hand and swallows hard before responding. "What happened?"

His sister releases such a heavy sigh that he wishes he could be there to give her a hug. "Things are still up in the air, but she had another severe attack. The moderates have already been rough enough for her. These severe attacks stop her heart every time. And this time her heart stopped again almost half an hour after the attack ended. She's on life support but they think she'll be off it later today. Just to be safe, don't wait."

Mark can hear how much it pains his sister to say those words. Don't wait. Don't wait. Meaning it could end soon. He rests one hand on the wooden railing of his patio and looks out at his sons playing soccer in the backyard. Oliver's been doing better, but he's still depressed and stressed over Rachel's health and lack of improvement. He hates that things aren't going as well as they'd hoped. They'd all argued over whether to bring him sooner, but they were all hoping she'd start getting better. Now, it sounds like she's holding on by a thread.

"Okay. We'll be there soon."

"I'll be staying a few more days."

Mark knows that ever since the school year ended and summer started, Shelby has been making more trips to New York. However, Scott took her on a spa vacation last month to help her relax. It helped, but only Rachel getting better will truly help.

"Then I guess there's a good chance our paths will cross. I'll see you soon."

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The next time she wakes she's not in pain, thankfully. The ventilator is gone. Now she's wearing an oxygen mask. The last thing she feels like doing is moving. Even the idea of opening her eyes sounds like it'd be too much right now. She stays still and silent, listening and feeling. One hand is being held. On her other side, someone is slowly rubbing her arm. They're talking about baseball, of all things. Apparently Sam and Noah got tickets to see a Mets game and now the group is playfully arguing over who they should be rooting for as New Yorkers; the Mets or the Yankees. They wind down their conversation. Sam and Noah squeeze her hands, kiss her cheek or head, and leave.

"Thank God. I thought the baseball talk would never end." Kurt whines.

Under her mask, Rachel smiles just the slightest bit in amusement. Her mom chuckles.

"Thank you for letting them dominate the conversation, Kurt."

"Yeah, yeah. Can we talk musicals now?"

"Of course." Her mom chuckles. "What in particular?"

"Do you think Rachel will go back to Wicked after she's better? Like, to finish what she started?"

That's an interesting thought. She'd be happy with that. However, she wouldn't want to be Elphaba without Jesse as her Fiyero and Ashley as her Glinda.

"Maybe. She was an amazing Elphaba and really enjoyed it. We'll have to wait and see."

They continue to discuss it. Rachel doesn't hear Finn. She hopes he's asleep; whether here in the room or at home. She falls back to sleep listening to her mom and brother talk.

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Lips press to hers. Feeling like she has a little more energy, she opens her eyes. Finn smiles at her. He kisses her again, then replaces her mask.

"Hey there, sleeping beauty. I was getting worried. You've been asleep a long time."

She wraps her fingers around his. "Sorry."

"It's alright. You just….haven't woken up yet."

"Have."

"Yeah, but only once. Briefly."

"Twice." She corrects.

"When was the second time?"

She's not sure how to explain. "Baseball?"

"I head about that conversation. So I was asleep and you were awake? We switched roles for a few minutes." He grins.

She grins back. "Guess so."

"Figures. Alright, well, I don't know about you, but I could use some more sleep."

"Same."

Finn climbs onto the bed with her and gently cradles her. She sighs happily and falls back asleep lying against her husband.

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Oliver's feet feel like they're weighed down with cement. He can't face her. How can her face her? He failed her. He shouldn't be here. But he wants to see her. A hand lands on his shoulder. He looks up to find his dad smiling at him reassuringly. Oliver does his best to smile back. His parents (and brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins) have been truly wonderful and constantly telling him he's not to blame. He loves them. But they just don't get it. He failed her.

"This is it."

They pause outside a room. His dad and brother go in. Oliver moves to follow. The scene before him halts his movement. Rachel looks bad. She's paler than he ever remembers her being. She's lying partially on her side, she's wearing a nasal cannula and a scarf on her head, and she's asleep. Finn sits in a chair beside her, his head bowed, elbows on his knees, and hands clasped. His leg is bouncing lightly. He looks up when his dad and Dylan enter the room. It takes a second for his tired expression to show recognition, then he stands to greet them.

"Hi." He speaks quietly.

"Hi, Finn."

"I'm glad you're here, but please let her rest. She needs it. It's, uh, it's been a rough few days for her."

"Of course." His dad lowers his volume even more, matching Finn's.

He watches his dad shake Finn's hand, then give him a warm hug. Dylan does the same. Oliver and his mom step into the room behind them. While his mom hugs Finn, Oliver's eyes are glued to Rachel. She looks so frail. His eyes well up with tears. He failed. Seeing his failure in person is a lot tougher than he thought it'd be. His chest heaves with harsh breaths and the tears spill over. He tries his best to choke back a sob. Finn gives him a look of sympathy, but at the same time, his eyes flick nervously to his wife sleeping on the bed. Ollie's mom wraps an arm around him and quickly walks him back out into the hall. He leans into her and works to stifle his tears. His mom rubs his back soothingly.

"I know, honey, I know. It's hard seeing her like that." His mom's voice wobbles slightly.

They stay like that for several long moments until Oliver feels able to hold himself together. He's a teenager now. He needs to learn to deal with stuff himself and stop relying on others so much. He steps back and uses the back of his hand to wipe his eyes.

"I'm ready."

"Are you sure? We can wait out here as long as you need. We can stay out here until she wakes, if you want."

"No. We can go back in."

"Okay. We can step out whenever you need."

He nods without meeting her eyes. They walk back in. His dad and Finn are talking quietly by the window. Dylan is sitting in a chair by the bed, alternating between looking at Rachel and looking at the monitors or the floor. Oliver shuffles in. At his mom's urging, he takes the seat next to his brother. Not wanting to risk waking Rachel, they don't talk or touch her. Eventually the men wrap up their conversation. Finn walks over and squeezes Ollie's shoulder.

"Hey, man. She's gonna be so happy to see you."

His stomach swoops. She will? He swallows past his suddenly tight throat and nods without speaking. They sit around the bed conversing quietly until she wakes up. She shifts slightly. Then her mouth opens a little, then her eyes follow. They go silent, watching and waiting. It takes another moment for her to fully be aware of her surroundings. When she sees who is sitting with her, she smiles. It's a tired smile, but it's real.

"Hi." Her voice is thin and kind of raspy.

Feeling his stomach clench, he struggles to smile back. "Hi."

"Hi." Dylan says quietly, his own smile not as strong as normal.

Their parents give their own greetings, managing to be more confident and relaxed than their children. For a few minutes, the adults and Dylan carry a simple conversation. Oliver's mouth is dry. He can't participate. His eyes keep moving between the different monitors, all the wires attached to her, and Rachel herself. It's because of him that she's not better yet. He swallows hard. It takes him a moment to realize the room is silent. And then her hand grasps his. He lifts his gaze and finds her watching him with a concerned look. Everyone is looking at him, but he can only see her.

"I'm sorry. My marrow failed you. I failed you."

The words are pulled from him before he can think them through. He has to explain. She has to know how sorry he is. She squeezes his hand again and slowly shakes her head.

"No, Ollie. You didn't fail me."

"But I did!" He splutters, tears jumping to his eyes.

"You didn't." She insists quietly. "You didn't fail. My body failed. My body was already broken and dying. Ollie, your marrow was perfect. My body is not."

Her eyes close for a moment before blinking open. He can see how tired she is and knows he should just agree and accept it and let it go, but he can't. He can't. A single tear drips down his cheek. His chest feels tight and his breaths are shorter in his attempt to maintain emotional control.

"But if you had used someone else's marrow, then—"

"Then I might already be dead." She interrupts firmly but still quietly. "Your marrow is what's keeping me alive, Ollie."

He frowns. "I don't understand."

She smiles gently. Tiredly. "I have thrombocytopenia. Severely low platelet count. Your marrow has been fighting it all along. Keeping me alive."

"But we thought…..I mean…" He sniffles and wipes his eyes. "….we thought it'd make you better."

She smiles slightly. "We thought. We hoped. If I hadn't developed thrombocytopenia, I probably would be better by now. But Ollie, I was already dying before the transplant. You—"

Her expression becomes pinched and she breathes a little harder. Her hands grip the sheets. His parents grab her closest hand and squeeze and Dylan does the same on their side. Finn addresses Oliver.

"Yeah, Oliver. They had us come in so quickly because here numbers were dropping too fast. She was already dying. Your marrow is what has kept her alive this long and has allowed her to keep fighting. It's just a bigger battle and taking longer than we'd hoped. Okay? This is not on you."

Oliver nods uncertainly, but goes back to watching Rachel. Her expression is easing but she's still breathing a little harder than before. She opens her eyes and looks to him again.

"And if it doesn't work at all, it's still not your fault." She whispers between harsh breaths. "I swear, Ollie, it won't be your fault. I will never see it that way."

More tears slip down his cheeks, faster than before. It obviously takes her great effort, but she lifts her hand to his cheek and wipes his tears away. Then she presses her hand to his damp cheek. Unable to help himself, he cries even harder at that.

"I love you, Ollie. Thank you for giving me more time with my loved ones."

She really means it. He can see it in her eyes. Despite the clear exhaustion in them, her eyes are bright, twinkling with life and hope and love. She means it. She loves him and is grateful to him. A huge weight lifts from his heart. While his smile is wobbly, it also stretches widely across his cheeks.

"I love you too."

"And I can still get better. Don't forget that. Because of you, I can still get better."

He nods again, then grins slightly. "I won't forget. You're Rachel. You don't give up."

Something flashes across her expression before easing. Worried he somehow upset her, he opens his mouth to apologize. She speaks before he can.

"You're right. I'll never give up."

He can tell she means that, too. His heart eases and he can smile more normally. He gently squeezes her hand.

"Now get over here." She tugs on his hand.

It's obvious she can't sit up on her own, but she holds her arms up to hug him. He slides his arms around her and hugs her gently. He holds her for a long moment, unable to express how relieved he is. What he can express comes out as a prayer. Please, God, let her get better soon. He pulls back. She turns her gaze to Dylan and his brother hugs her gently as well. After Dylan returns to his seat, Rachel's eyes are drooping. She's clearly tiring.

"We're gonna head out, but we'll be back later okay?" His mom tells Rachel.

Rachel smiles at her. "Okay."

He watches his parents hug her just as gently but just as lovingly. They say farewell to Finn and step out into the hall. Oliver spots Aunt Shelby chatting with the nurses at the nurse's station. They approach her.

"Hey. I saw you all in there and didn't want to interrupt." She locks eyes with Oliver. "You know she meant every word, right? It's not your fault she's not better yet."

"I know." Now. Everyone had been telling him that, but he'd needed to hear it from her.

"Good boy. And thank you." She hugs him tight, then the others.

They chat in the hall for a few minutes before Aunt Shelby heads into the room. The Corcoran family heads out of the hotel, debating whether to do a late lunch, early dinner or just have a snack to tide them over until dinner. When they step out of the hospital, Oliver feels lighter and happier than he has in months. He's still upset she's not better yet and is still worried she'll die, but at least knowing she doesn't blame him and still loves him is enough. For now.

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When they go back in later, she's asleep again. It's disheartening, but they understand it's been a rough few days. When she wakes, she asks to talk to Oliver alone for a few minutes. The others file out into the hall, leaving Oliver sitting by her bedside alone. For a second, he fears that what she said earlier was a ruse for everyone else, and now that they're alone she'll admit that she hates him and blames him. But then she smiles at him warmly and takes his hand and he realizes how ridiculous he was being. This is Rachel. She has never been anything but loving and supportive of him.

"How are you?"

He blinks in surprise. "Aren't I supposed to be asking you that?"

"Well, I'm obviously not doing well, but I'm alive thanks to you. Besides, I know how I'm doing. I don't know how you are doing."

"Better now."

Her smile dims. "I wish you'd called me and told me you thought I'd blame you. I would have knocked that silly notion out of your head a lot sooner."

He nods. "I know that now. My parents regret it, too. They just….." He trails off.

"They were hoping what we were all hoping for. That I'd get better and this conversation would be unnecessary."

"Yeah." He mumbles. He eyes her worriedly. "Will you? Get better? You said you could, but…."

"I might. I really could. We just don't know."

She looks so sad saying that that he has to look away.

"You will." He decides. "There's really no other outcome for you."

She grins at that. When her humor fades, she looks at him seriously. "How are you really, Ollie?"

"I'm fine. I'm better now. Really. I'm sorry I thought—" He cuts himself off, not wanting to delve into it again. "I just….I'm not as strong as you."

Rachel uses her hands to push herself up more. Seeing her arms shake, Oliver, moves quickly to help her. Once she's sitting up more and more comfortable, she takes his hand.

"Oliver, I'm only strong because of the people around me."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you really think I could have fought this hard for this long on my own? Oliver, even with help I'm exhausted. Without help, I'd have died long ago. I'm strong because I accept help from the people around me." His jaw drops slightly. He wasn't expecting this, but the more he thinks about it, the more he wonders why. She's said similar things in the past. She smiles kindly at him. "Being strong doesn't mean doing it all alone."

"So…I can, like, lean on other people, and still be considered strong?"

"Absolutely."

Feeling better about everything, he grins at her. "Okay."

"Good. Now go get the others back in here. Maybe we can play a round of Uno or something."

"Really? Uno? You want me to kick your butt again?" He teases.

"You can try." She grins back.

He practically skips out of the room.

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They went back to visit her again the next day. She seemed to have a little more energy. And with Oliver feeling better about everything, the atmosphere was lighter and more positive. They're still worried. Still scared. She could still die. But she could live, too. And that's enough to give them hope. It's only when they have to say goodbye that the positive mood slips. The sudden fear of this being their final goodbye steals his breath for a moment. But Rachel's eyes are just as bright as ever and her smile is just as warm. The least he can do is return that. So he lifts his head, smiles warmly, hugs her tight, and tells her he loves her.

"I love you, too. No matter what." She says pointedly.

"I know."

And he'll never doubt it again.

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"It's minimal." Dr. McCann tells him.

Finn crosses his arms and lightly clears his throat. "But there's progress?"

The doctor hesitates. "The fact that her numbers went up a little is definitely a positive sign. But compared to how her body reacted to her latest severe attack, I wouldn't say she's on the road to recovery just yet."

"So it's still up in the air?" He glances into the room. Santana and Quinn and are sitting with Rachel at the moment. She's awake but not feeling well so neither the doctor nor Finn felt it necessary to risk stressing her with this conversation.

"It is. I'm sorry. There's still reason to have hope, Finn. However, I need you to be on the lookout for a few things."

"Such as?"

"Good signs and bad signs. The good things to look for are more color in her cheeks, more energy, less sleeping, and more of an appetite. The negative things to look for would be a decrease in any of those, confusion, bouts of anger, mood swings, falling asleep mid-sentence, and not drinking much."

"What do you mean by confusion?"

"Memory loss, like not remembering basic things, being confused about where she is or what's going on, that sort of thing."

"Okay."

"It could still go either way, Finn."

He nods. She could get better. She could die. It's tearing him apart.

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Scott, Burt, and Carole come to visit. They've been coming when they can as well, but not as often as Shelby. Having heard her talking and knowing she's awake, Burt throws on a warm smile as he enters the room. Rachel turns to see who walked in and smiles widely, though tiredly, at him.

"Dad!"

"Hey, princess." He hugs and kisses her. "Sorry it's been a few weeks."

"It's fine." She waves his apology off with a smile. He knows she's mostly been sleeping or feeling unwell and probably hasn't even noticed how much time has gone by without them visiting. Kurt had called them after they landed and said she's been having a good day.

Scott and Carole greet her the same way. They're relived she stays awake for a while longer to talk to them. They catch up (mostly the parents sharing what they've been up to and Rachel sharing stories about her visitors, like her cousins). They know things could still go either way, but with nothing changing, they're getting antsy. Something needs to change. She needs to improve. This can't last forever. It's already been four months. He's never hated living so far away before. He's never been a fan of how far away his kids live, but he's never hated it before. The parents had sat down and discussed the possibility of renting an apartment or house up here and staying at it whenever they can. But since they don't know how this will go or how long it'll take, they decided against it. They have open invitations from their kids to stay with them and invitations from the other kids to stay with them as well. And as much as they want to visit frequently, there's really nothing they can do. He's a man of action so he hates sitting by her side and only being able to hold her hand. At home all he can do is pray and call or text her or the others. He wants to act.

That's why he was happy that the guys asked him and Scott for a favor. All of the parents had been surprised but happy to hear that the kids had purchased the plot of land that includes their special spot in the woods. Now the kids want to start building on it. The dads are happy to help with measurements, purchases, and getting the correct forms approved by the town. The original plan had been to start building this summer. With Rachel so sick, none of them wanted to be far from her for long, so only a little has gotten done. But it's something.

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Kurt, Blaine, Rachel, and Brittany are recreating a scene from Wicked in her hospital room. They're not singing loudly or strongly, partially to not disturb others and partially so that Rachel doesn't get upset about not being able to. They still sound good, though. Not only do they already know this, but nurses keep poking their heads in to listen while smiling. They're being goofy about it and giggling the whole time. Then Blaine randomly changes it by singing a line from a song from the Little Mermaid instead. They break out into peals of laughter. Rachel takes over next, singing a line from Cinderella. They try to pick lines that fit as best as they can, still telling the same basic story but with lines from songs from other shows.

They laugh and sing quietly until Blaine has to leave for work. Kurt goes with him because he has plans with friends. Brittany settles into a chair with a small smile. There are good days and there are bad days. Today was a good day, she thinks, seeing Rachel starting to fall asleep with a smile on her lips. This was one of those days that reminds them that she's still Rachel, she's still holding on, and she could still make it.

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Headlights and taillights of cars blur and merge in the rain splattered window. He watches them drive by and wishes for an easier life. For all of them. But for Rachel especially. It's nighttime. Finn had gone out earlier that morning for a jog and spent a little time at home. He cut it short when Blaine called him saying she'd had a moderate attack. Her heart hadn't stopped, but it had gotten too high. They'd had to give her medicine to lower it. Even by the time Finn got to the hospital, it kept jumping around. It's back to normal now, but it took a while. She's back on an oxygen mask, having been left gasping for breath by the end of the attack. She'd had several good days in a row. This is like a slap in the face. A harsh reminder that she's still very sick and her condition is still perilous.

She'd only woken once, briefly, hours after the attack. Seeing her start to shift on the bed, he knows she's waking again. He moves closer to the bed and waits patiently for his wife to wake up. She blinks up at him tiredly and frowns lightly.

"Hi."

"Hey. How're you feeling?"

"Tired. Heavy." She rubs a hand across her eyes and looks around. "Back here again?"

Finn freezes. His heart thuds in his chest. "What do you mean?"

"Back in the hospital? Or….wait….I was….never mind." The haze of sleep still hangs on her. She frowns and grabs the oxygen mask. "Can this come off?"

"Let's wait for a nurse to tell us it can come off."

"'Kay."

She shuffles down further into the bed and closes her eyes again. He hesitates, but decides he needs to know.

"Rach, do you remember what happened today?" She doesn't open her eyes. "Rach?"

She's asleep. Finn sighs heavily and slumps into his seat. He reminds himself that it's possible she just wasn't fully awake. Especially considering how fast she fell back asleep. It's hours later when she wakes again. It's slower this time. He waits for her to talk first to try to judge just how awake she is.

"Hi."

"Hi."

She rubs her eyes and looks around. "I'm on a mask?"

"Yeah."

She seems to think about it for a moment. "I had an attack."

"Yeah. How're you feeling now?"

"Tired. Groggy."

He nods. "How about some water?"

"You've been pushing water a lot lately."

He's relieved she picked up on it. "You need to stay hydrated."

"Alright." She grins slightly. "Keep your secrets."

He chuckles. They just finished watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy a few days ago and have been quoting it at random ever since. It gives him even more relief. Maybe she really was just not fully awake earlier. That's all it was. Not confusion. They talk for a while. As time passes, the grogginess fades. She's eyeing him worriedly now.

"What?"

"You're still taking care of yourself, right? Like you promised?"

"I am. I went home for hours today, remember?"

She gives him another odd look, but then it fades. "Right. Good. You don't have to stay all the time. I'm mostly sleeping. And I'm okay being alone once in a while."

He shakes his head. "I'm happy to spend my time here."

She quirks an eyebrow. Now that her eyebrows are growing back in, it's more obvious. "You're happy to spend your summer in a hospital room?"

"I'm happy to spend my days with you. And since you're here, I'm here."

"I love that. I love you. But you should spend less time here. Get out more. Go to the beach."

"I'm not a big beach guy."

"True." She acknowledges. "Just….promise me you'll keep doing something fun on a regular basis? Or at least relaxing?"

"I will. I go out with the guys at least once a week and we do something fun. I go home at least every other day. I sleep at home every couple days. I work out. I take walks."

"Right. Just making sure that's still happening."

He nods, mildly amused that she's concerned that he's not having enough fun while she's stuck in here. He loves that while she can't have better right now, she still wants him to have better.

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Kurt watches Rachel carefully. Something seems off, he just can't put a finger on how. She'd had another random bleed during the night, requiring a blood transfusion. She has moments, even full days, where she seems to be getting better. Then she has moments or full days where she seems to be getting worse. He never knows what he's walking into these days. It's honestly exhausting; physically and emotionally. Today is not a good day. She's….off. Distracted. Constantly changing the subject. But she's also been really tired and fed up with being in the hospital. They'd been discussing how she's sick of being there. That could explain her distractedness and changing the subject; she doesn't want to focus on what's upsetting her. As frustrated as she is, she's still doing her best to stay positive, so that could explain some of her behavior.

It's nearly Finn's birthday. And not long after that he's supposed to go back to work. Not that he will. He's refiling his FML paperwork next week. The rest of them have been debating what to do about Finn's birthday. If they try to involve Rachel, she might get upset that she forgot and can't do anything about it. If they don't, she might be upset that she wasn't included. If they do nothing, she might get upset that his birthday was ignored. But they also don't think Finn cares. And Rachel probably doesn't even know what month it is, let alone what day. She's rubbing her head. Kurt frowns and climbs on the bed with her. She instinctively curls into him.

"Head hurting, Tink?"

"Yeah."

"I'll ask a nurse for something."

"In a minute. Don't move." She snuggles in more.

"Okay."

He kisses her head. It's weird. He's always known her to have long hair. Then she had no hair and that was really freaking odd. Then he got used to that. Now she has a little hair. Just enough to cover her scalp, really. But it's getting thicker every week. It'll be neat to watch it grow longer over the next several months.

"Want to watch another movie?"

"No."

"Play another game?"

"No. But maybe….." She trails off, clearly trying to think of something else they could do.

He looks down when she doesn't finish her thought. She's asleep. He sighs and lays her down. Kurt steps out to let a nurse know about the headache. She brings a little cup with pills Rachel can take if it still hurts when she wakes up. When she next wakes up, it's to a full blown migraine. His heart clenches when she starts crying. They skip the pills and give her stronger pain meds through her IV.

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"Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you bring Yero in?"

"Why?"

"I miss him."

Finn hesitates. Yero had a hard time handling not seeing Rachel. Now he hasn't seen her in months and has adjusted to her absence. Seeing her again, briefly, could upset the dog once again. But looking at Rachel's hopeful face, he knows he'll give in.

"Yeah. I'll bring him in to visit later today, okay?"

She smiles widely. "Okay."

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Yero is tugging at the leash as they walk through the hospital halls. He hasn't been here in months, but he clearly remembers it. Which also means he knows who he's going to see. He whines and pulls at the leash. Finn laughs.

"Relax, buddy. You'll see her in a minute."

They enter the hospital room. Rachel is awake, reading a book. She looks up when Yero whines. Her face lights up.

"Yero!"

Knowing there's no holding him back, Finn drops the leash. Yero dashes forward, jumping up so his front paws are on the bed. He strains to get closer to her without actually climbing onto the bed, whining but tail wagging. Rachel leans closer to him and gently grabs him by his jaw. She kisses his furry head, then scratches behind his ears, cooing at him the whole time.

"You can come up." She says, patting the bed beside her.

Yero needs no further enticement. He jumps up onto the bed with her. At first he stands over her and licks her face repeatedly. She laughs and pets him. He bounces around excitedly on the bed, his tail wagging like crazy. She tries to get her arms around him while Finn steps up closer to try to help calm the dog.

"Easy, Yero. Calm." Rachel tells him. Finn can tell that all his jumping around is becoming a bit much for her.

Yero is still very excited and happy but clearly knows he needs to calm down. He solves this by carefully lying beside her and resting his head on her chest. Rachel smiles widely and pets him. Finn smiles at the loving look and doggy smile Yero is giving Rachel. His eyes are wide and trained on his girl. His tail wags happily. Now that they're both calmer, Rachel slowly pets him, digging her fingers into his soft fur and down his back a far as she can reach. Yero is head over heels thrilled to be back with Rachel. And Rachel is thrilled to be reunited with him. She talks to him softly, telling him how much she has missed him and what a good dog he is. Finn chuckles quietly when she tells him to keep an eye on Finn for her until she can come home. Yero rolls over, exposing his belly. Rachel obliges his request and rubs his belly. He rolls back over and she turns with him, spooning him. Yero snuggles against her, his tail still wagging. Even after Rachel falls asleep, Yero stays still and calm, happy to be in her arms once more. He even joins her in slumber for a while.

Finn sets out a water bowl for Yero. When he wakes, he seems torn between staying on the bed with Rachel and jumping down to indulge his thirst. With Finn's encouragement, he reluctantly hops down and drinks his fill. He pads the room, inspecting every inch of it before hopping back up on the bed. This time, he settles in at her feet like he used to. Even when Sam comes to visit and tries to play with Yero, Yero was reluctant to leave the bed with Rachel. He did, which the guys were glad for. When Rachel woke up while they were playing, Yero dropped the game to jump back up on the bed to be with her.

As Finn feared, getting Yero to leave was hard. Neither Rachel nor Yero wanted to be separated again. He had to promise to bring Yero back in the near future for another visit. Rachel had nodded to that, kissed Yero's head, and gave him a big hug. Then she ordered him to go with Finn. Yero was less than pleased with this and made it clear, even as he went along with his orders. Thankfully, Yero was not depressed at home like before. In fact, he seemed happier and more relaxed than before. Back in the hospital, Rachel thanked him, saying how thrilled she was to spend time with Yero. That proved to Finn that both Rachel and Yero need time together once in a while.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Another moderate attack hits, not long after the last one. Brittany was quick to climb on the bed with her and hold her steady through it. Rachel's hands weakly gripped her arms. Brittany calmly reminded her to breathe through it. Like last time, her heart rate got too high. Dangerously high. They gave her medication to bring it down. Like before, it continued to jump around for a while. She slept for hours afterwards. Again, Finn rushed back to the hospital after Britt called him. Dr. Preston was checking on Rachel when he arrived.

"We think it's due to all the drugs we've had her on. The transplant, the treatments, and the drugs for thrombocytopenia."

"So…her heart racing will stop once the drugs stop?"

"Most likely."

"What do you mean 'most likely'?"

"Either it'll stop entirely once she's in remission and no longer needs the medications. Or, this caused some minor damage to her heart."

"What would that mean for her? In the future?"

"Maybe nothing. Or, maybe, her heart will beat too fast with certain stressors. Only time will tell."

Only time will tell. He hates those words. Everything has been uncertain for months. His wife's survival has been uncertain for months. Now, even if she survives, how well she'll be able to live is uncertain? He hates it. But all he can do is nod and accept it. What else is there to do?

"There's something else."

"What?"

"There was a change in her numbers." Finn wants to ask but is too nervous. Instead, he nods and waits. "They went up. A lot. Only to drop below where they were before they went up."

"H-how low?"

"We're keeping a closer eye on her."

"What made them go up?"

The doctor smiles. "For a moment, she was winning the fight."

"So dropping means she stopped winning?"

"For now. But it's still a good sign, Finn."

Finn closes his eyes for a moment. "You keep saying things are a good sign, but I'm not seeing my wife getting any better."

"I know it's hard. But you need to have faith that she'll get better. To us, this was a sign that she's fighting hard and could still win. We can increase the dose of her medic-"

"Wait," Finn interrupts with a frown, "you said her heart is racing because of the medications. Now you want to increase them? Isn't that dangerous?"

Dr. Preston nods. "It is. That's why I was phrasing it as a question for you. We can increase the dose of her medication. That will likely help her fight this and increase her numbers. But it could also increase her heart rate more, which is dangerous. However, we have medications to help slow her heart down. Or, we can keep it as is and see what happens. The choice is yours."

Finn's head is spinning. "I'll—I'll think on it."

"Take your time."

Finn heads into Rachel's hospital room. Brittany is sitting with her, holding her hand and watching her sleep.

"Was it good news or bad news?" She asks quietly.

"Both. As usual."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He brings it up to Rachel when she's awake later. He lays it out for her, then waits to see how she responds. He will support her decision. Mostly because he's not sure which way he wants to go. He wants her to get better, but at the possible cost of damaging her heart?

"So, it's either keep going as is and hope for the best, or increase the dosage and I'll likely get better but might damage my heart?" She clarifies.

"Yeah. That about sums it up."

"Can I get Option C?" She asks with a small grin.

He chuckles. "I wish. Here's Option C: you get better and go into remission without any more drugs and nothing else effects your heart."

"Sounds good to me."

"Yeah."

"But….realistically, what do you think we should do?"

He sighs. "I don't know. I want to increase the dosage because they think that you'll start responding better now. Your platelet counts are improving. But I don't want to because I don't want to risk damaging your heart. What do you think?"

She plays with her wedding ring for a moment before responding. "I think we should do it. The heart damage is not definite. And even if it is, at least I'd get better and I'd get to live. Right?"

"Right." He hesitates, but feels it necessary to add on the rest. "You do remember that the higher dosage will—"

"Will mean worse side effects. Yes, I know." She gives him a tired grin. "I'll deal with it."

Finn leans forward and kisses her. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you, too."

He knows. In fact, he's pretty sure how much she loves him is why she's so willing to go through this.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That's what they do. The very next day they begin the treatment at the higher dose. As expected, it's rough on her. She's left shaking, vomiting, dizzy, and head hurting. Finn holds her through it. She buries her head in his neck and and focuses on not passing out, her hands gripping his shirt. He kisses her head and sings quietly to her, alternating between rubbing her back and wiping the tears off her cheeks.

The next day she develops a fever. They don't know if it's because the higher dose was too much for her system or if it would have happened anyway. But it means no visitors besides Finn until it passes. Dr. McCann, wearing a surgical mask, comes in to check on her.

"Have you noticed any of the things I said to watch out for? Confusion, falling asleep mid-sentence, mood swings, any of that?"

A cold feeling swells in him. He shakes his head. "No." It feels like a lie, but at the same time, it really might not be, It was only once. And probably because she was groggy and not fully awake. That's all it was.

"Good, good." The doctor nods. "Well, hopefully this fever will pass before her next treatment."

When he leaves, Finn sags in his seat. Her fever worsens over the course of the day. Her breathing becomes short, rough breaths. They put her on an oxygen mask, skipping right over the nasal cannula. Finn can't sleep, even though he knows he should at least try. He keeps watching the monitors. Her fever is still high. Her breathing is now ragged. And now her heart monitor is showing her heart rate starting to creep up. It's giving him a really bad feeling. Her eyes flutter open and she reaches for his hand. He catches it in his.

"Hey." He whispers. "Just hold on, alright? This'll pass."

"I'm trying." She whispers back between breaths. "I swear…I'm trying."

"I know you are."

Tears fill her eyes. "I wan-na….go…h-ome."

He kisses her cheek. "I know. Me too. I'm sorry."

Minutes, then hours tick by. Her fever stays high. Her heart rate jumps around unsteadily, making him and the nurses nervous. And then her breathing becomes shallow, raspy, and unfulfilling. They amp up the amount of oxygen support they're giving her. When her blood oxygen levels drop, they switch her to the more forceful oxygen mask. Rachel is mostly sleeping, but when she's awake she's dizzy and weak. All Finn can do is sit there and hold her hand, knowing she's fighting with everything she has just to keep breathing. Around two in the morning, she moves. Her hands move to her chest and she whimpers.

"What? What is it?" He asks urgently. "A mild attack?"

"I…I don't….." Her eyes flutter and roll.

"Hey, hey, look at me." It's a struggle but she manages to focus on him. "What are you feeling?"

"P-ain."

"In your chest?"

"Yeah."

"Like an attack?"

"It's kind….of….diff-ren-t.." Her words are slurred.

Above her a monitor beeps. Her heart is jumping again. High, higher still, then low, then repeats. Unsteady. She whimpers again.

"F-Finn."

"I'm here." Even though he's positive nurses will be coming in any second, he hits the call button. "I'm here. It's okay."

"Does—n't….. …..right." Still slurring.

More beeps. Her heart rate is climbing. Only to drop drastically. And repeat. His own heart is thudding, his mouth dry. A nurse hurries in and examines Rachel.

"I'll have a doctor bring something to try to steady her heart. We may have to put her on an actual ventilator if her blood oxygen levels don't improve." She leaves without waiting for a response.

"Does it still not feel right?" He presses.

She struggles to open her eyes again. "Be-ing…..pulled….down…..fall-ing…"

It makes him think of how she described what dying was like years ago. Rachel is fading again, slipping into sleep once more. A spike of fear hits him. He gently jostles her, wanting to keep her with him. "Hey. Stay awake, okay? Just a little longer. They'll give you something and you'll feel better."

Her eyes meet his. He can't read her gaze.

"D-on't crum-ble."

It takes a second to recall what she's referring to. A conversation from over a year ago.

"I need you to promise me one more thing."
"Anything."
"That you won't crumble if I die."
"I can't promise that."

It's a punch to the gut and leaves him unable to respond right away. This isn't the end. She promised.

"I never promised that." He snaps. Seeing tears well in her exhausted eyes, he softens his tone. "But you promised to keep fighting."

"I am. I…..sw—ear."

"Just a little longer." It's a promise he can't make, but one he prays desperately for.

Rachel lifts her hand, her fingers lightly tracing his face, her eyes following the same path. Then another wave of pain hits and she gasps, cringes, and drops her hand. Finn strokes her cheek and kisses her forehead. She's struggling to stay awake. And suddenly, he knows why. He knows what he needs to say. What he needs to promise. He swallows despite his dry throat and utters the words she needs to hear.

"I won't crumble."

I will wake in the morning, if you call
I'll stand beside you as long as I can
I will hold back, the evening of your sun
But I won't crumble with you if you fall

It's whispered, barely loud enough to be heard, but he knows she heard. She relaxes a little. Under her mask, he sees the tense line of her mouth ease. The lines around her eyes soften. She even breathes a little easier for a moment.

I will shadow the head of your day
And I'll drink from the sweat of your brow
I will walk to the tune of your song
But I won't crumble with you if you fall

He's not entirely sure he believes it. But he needs her to believe it. And if it's what she truly wants for him, more than anything else, he'll do his absolute damndest to succeed. He will hold strong. He won't crumble. He may break and bend and stumble and wilt, but he won't crumble. For her. If she can fight and hold on for him, for them, then he can do this for her.

Come walk with me and hold to my hand
Touch me, let me know I'm not here by myself
Stretch my night dreams into my day
Stop short of falling apart if I go down

She'll pull through. She always does. She will survive. But if she doesn't…he will keep this promise, as best he can. Just as she has been fighting as best as she can, keeping her own promise.

I will wake in the morning if you call
I'll stand beside you as long as I can
I will hold back the evening of your sun
But I won't crumble with you if you fall

Finn watches her slip under the pull of sleep. A doctor comes in and injects some medication to steady her heart. Finn watches, keeping his hand wrapped firmly around Rachel's. The doctor watches the monitors for a moment, then presses his stethoscope to Rachel's chest and listens. He looks to Finn.

"We've done what we can. Now we wait."

Finn sits still, in silence, for several long minutes. Everything that has happened today, and even the last few weeks, rushes through his mind. His leg starts bouncing. His jaw clenches. He breathes harshly. The only person he has to hold on to is passed out and fighting for her life. He kisses her hand, then sets it down. Finn paces the hospital room, agitated. It takes a minute to realize he's not just agitated. He's scared. And lonely. All these months of sitting here with Rachel, he never felt lonely, even when it was just the two of them. Even when she was asleep. But now, now he does. And he doesn't know what to do. He's not sure he understands what the doctor told him. He's terrified he does understand. He's terrified that the doctor meant exactly what he said. They've done all they can. Adding to his fears is Rachel feeling like something is wrong; like that falling sensation. And with Rachel asking him not to crumble if she dies, she must be feeling something telling her to say it right now. He unplugs his phone from the charger on the nightstand and presses a button. It rings.

"Can you come up here?" He asks quietly, hating how scared his voice sounds.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Can you come up here?"

Shelby bolts up in bed, her heart in her throat. "I'm on my way." She scrambles off the bed, Scott following close behind, watching her worriedly. "What happened?"

"Her heart. It's all over the place. And she's not breathing well."

"Did they do anything?"

"They said they did all they can." His tone and words has her grabbing the edge of her dresser to stay steady. "They didn't say…..anything else. They didn't say she's…but I just—"

"It's okay." She breathes out, trying to sound comforting. "We're coming. We'll be there soon."

Scott comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her. Shelby leans into him and grabs his hand with her free hand.

"Can you call my parents?"

"Of course. I'll do that now. Don't worry. We'll all be there soon, Finn. I love you."

The way he breathes in tells her he's fighting not to cry. It tugs at her heart and scares the shit out of her at the same time. Tears fill her own eyes.

"I love you too."

She drops the phone and sucks in a ragged breath.

"What—"

She cuts off her husband. "Order us four plane tickets. I'll call the Hummel's and pack."

He takes one look at her face and nods. He quickly grabs his laptop and gets busy. She does the same. Hand shaking, not really knowing what's going on but terrified she does, she makes the call.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Burt Hummel sits on the edge of his bed, his phone pressed to his ear and his wife pressing a hand to his back. His heart is thudding against his rib cage.

"Okay. We'll be ready to go when you get here, Shel."

He sets the phone down and doesn't move.

"Burt?" Carole asks nervously.

"I'm not ready to say goodbye."

The words burst out of him and he chokes on them. Carole moves quickly, sliding up next to him and hugging him tight.

"Is that what this is?" Her own voice already thick with tears. "Is this…..is this goodbye?"

"They don't know. Finn called Shelby. He didn't say much but he asked her to come and to call us. All we know is it doesn't sound good. If nothing else, Finn is scared."

"The Matthews' are coming here to collect us?"

"Scott's ordering plane tickets as we speak."

"We'll pack quickly." She says, already moving to do just that.

Neither says it, but they pray they make it in time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The parents arrive at the hospital a couple hours after Finn called. There was no new call, voice mail, or text from him or anyone. They're not sure if that's a good sign or a bad sign. They hurry into the room to find only Finn there with Rachel. He's leaning forward so that he's half on the bed, playing with her fingers.

"Finn?"

He jerks up and blinks. "That was fast."

"Well, what'd you expect with a call like that?" His mother chides gently. She hurries in and hugs him. "How is she?"

"Holding on."

"Did they say anything else?" Shelby asks, already leaning over her daughter and gently stroking her head.

"No. Her heart is still jumping but not as drastically as before. She's still not breathing well."

"And how are you?" Burt asks as he hugs him.

"Rough." He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I just….she said something felt off, like she was falling or being pulled down. And with everything going on, and how they were talking…..an-and then she asked me not to crumble, meaning, you know, if she dies….and...I didn't know….." He huffs "….I didn't want you to not be here if….."

They understand and no one wants to say or hear the words.

"You didn't call your brother?"

"Not yet. They're closer. I was gonna call if she got worse."

"Excuse me." They turn to the nurse standing in the doorway. "She still has a fever. She's not supposed to have this many visitors. I need you to—"

The harsh looks the parents give her has her cutting off the rest of her sentence as though they were shoved back down her throat. She leaves without another word. They get Finn to tell them everything that's been going on. He does. Shelby hugs him tight.

"Thank you for calling me. I'd rather rush here and she be fine than…not."

"I figured."

"And we're happy to be here just to be here with you, Finn." She reminds him.

He nods. "I just…."

"You got scared." Scott says sympathetically. "We get it. And we're glad you called."

"Any time, Finn. Any time." Burt reminds him.

The parents settle into seats. Shelby takes her daughter's hand and holds it between hers. On Rachel's other side, Burt does the same. Once it becomes clear she's holding on still, they convince Finn to lay down and try to get some sleep. He falls asleep fast, clearly needing it.

"I think he wasn't able to sleep if it meant leaving her alone." Carole whispers. "He was afraid she'd….she'd die and no one would be there with her."

"I agree." Shelby says. Her heart is finally calmer now that she's here and Rachel is still with them.

A couple hours later, while Finn is still sleeping, Kurt walks in carrying two coffees. He looks startled to see them. "Hi? What's going on? What'd I miss?"

They tell him. An irritated look crosses his face and he moves towards the cot where Finn is sleeping. When he lifts his leg to kick his brother, Burt stops him.

"Kurt. Don't. He needs to rest."

"Why didn't he call me?"

"He was scared." Carole says. "And he was going to call you if she got worse. He called us first because we're further away."

"Fine. I guess I get it. I'll talk to him later." He sets the coffees down and rubs his face. "Um…is it….is it time to start planning for more than just Finn to be here at all times?"

"It might be best." Scott says. "For now."

"At least until her heart and breathing are better." Shelby adds on.

"Until she's a little stronger."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She's surprised to realize she hears humming. Very familiar humming. She frowns slightly. "Mom?" She rasps her question, not even sure if she spoke out loud.

"I'm here, baby girl."

She opens her eyes and turns towards the voice. Sure enough, her mom is sitting beside her.

"Mom." She mumbles faintly.

Her mom frowns. "I'm here, Rachel."

She closes her eyes. Her mom's thumb gently caresses under her eye, then over her cheek. She wants to talk but can't make her mouth move. Hearing other sounds, she realizes it's not just them. She opens her eyes again and sees all of her parents sitting around her.

"Hi."

They smile warmly at her.

"How're you feeling?"

It takes a moment for her to process the question and form a response. They wait patiently. "Tired."

"So go to sleep. We'll be here when you wake." Dad tells her.

She does, but she's not sure for how long. She hears them talking quietly. A thought keeps needling the back of her brain. Something important, she just can't think of what. Rachel is too tired to open her eyes but manages to pry her lips apart.

"Mom?"

The conversation grinds to a halt. "Yes?"

Rachel fights to open her eyes. The room spins when she does and she grips the hands holding hers. They grip back. Once she feels a little steadier, she looks around at all four of her parents.

"Love you."

It's little more than a mumble, but it's the best she can manage right now. The hands holding hers tighten. A hand squeezes her calf. Her mom's hand gently cups her cheek around the oxygen mask.

"We love you, too, Rachel. So much." Her mom says, softly but strong.

"Hm." She falls back asleep feeling lips press to her temple.

The next time she wakes her head feels a little clearer.

"Hey, princess. How're you feeing?"

"A little…better."

They nod. "Your fever is going down."

She moves to push herself up, ignoring her shaking arms. They all jump up to stop her. "Hey, whoa, what are you doing, honey?"

"Stay down, princess."

"You shouldn't be moving."

Rachel huffs slightly. "I'm just…tired of being….on my back."

She's also annoyed to realize her breathing isn't completely back to normal yet. Probably why she's still on the strong oxygen mask.

"We'll help you."

Deciding there's no point being embarrassed, she lets them help her roll onto her side. It's not what she wanted but it's the best she's going to get for now. She's sick of being in this bed. She's sick of being weak. She's sick of being sick. Her mom strokes her cheek. Already, her eyes are drooping. Damn. She just woke up. Her eyes drift closed. Then something occurs to her and she fights to open them again.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

She opens her mouth but can't remember what she was going to say. She blinks owlishly, trying to recall what was so important. When she can't, and fatigue washes over her, she lets her eyes close again. Then pinpricks hit her chest and she gasps. They hold her through it. She moans and whimpers, too tired to hold them in. It ends, leaving her even more exhausted. She starts to drift off, only to jerk again.

"Finn?"

"He's sleeping."

Good.

She's pretty sure she fell asleep before her eyes even closed that time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As the day passes, she continues to struggle to breathe. But at least her fever continues to go down and her heart rate stops fluctuating. She's in and out of consciousness. At one point in the late afternoon, she wakes and turns her head.

"Honey?"

"Mom?"

"I'm here. What do you need?"

Her lips curl up. "A hug?"

"Of course, princess."

Shelby is thrilled. She'd wanted to hug Rachel sooner, but had been afraid to disturb her rest. She slides onto the bed and wraps her arms around her daughter. Rachel curls into her. Shelby gets comfortable, turning the hug into a snuggle session. It feels good to have her in her arms. Though, like this, she can feel how her breaths are hitching slightly. She rubs her back soothingly. It's not long before she's back to sleep. Shelby keeps holding her until a doctor asks her to move so he can examine Rachel better. When she wakes late in the afternoon gasping and crying, grasping at her chest, they fear a moderate attack. Finn, who is awake by then, shakes his head.

"She did this yesterday. Saying she was in pain, in her chest, similar to an attack but not an attack."

"It is her heart?"

"The doctor said it's not. We don't know what it is."

It ends after a couple minutes and Rachel falls back asleep. They get her to drink some water and part of a protein shake later on in the evening. They make a plan for the evening. As much as the parents want to stay, Rachel is holding steady and they're exhausted. The plan is for Finn to sleep on the cot, Shelby and Scott to sleep at the Hudson's apartment, and Burt and Carole stay at the Hummel-Anderson apartment while Kurt and Blaine stay up through the night to sit with Rachel.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When she woke in the middle of the night with a little more energy, the boys convinced her to play a round of Black Jack. Amused, she'd agreed. All she had to do was tap the tray if she wanted a hit, so it didn't require much energy from her. She didn't even have to hold her cards. When she won two hands the boys playfully accused her of cheating, making her chuckle. Not long after, she fell asleep. Kurt and Blaine took turns napping in the chairs, making sure at least one of them was awake at all times.

Over the next two days, her fever finally completely went away and her breathing improved. They moved her back down to a nasal cannula. However, two days later was her next round of treatment. The parents insisted on staying with her through it, sending everyone else away. They held her and comforted her through it. They also saw her heart rate take off first hand. Burt held her and they worked to keep her calm while the doctor administered the medication to bring her heart rate down. She passed out shortly after. For Shelby, it brings back memories of Rachel's heart issues in high school while going through treatment. She asks the doctor about it.

"During Rachel's second time facing this, when she was a senior in high school, she stopped taking the daily pills without telling anyone. It caused her treatments to be harder on her body, as well as her attacks. She had to be on strict bed rest and wear a heart monitor for several days even after she was released from the hospital. Her heart rate would spike at the slightest thing. Could it be related?"

Dr. Preston considers this. "It's possible that that experience weakened her heart enough that when stressed this time around, it was more susceptible to change from the different medications we have her on. I'll get in contact with her doctor from Ohio and discuss it."

The next day, he returns to them and sits down with the parents, Finn, and Rachel, who is awake enough for this conversation. "After discussing it with Dr. Reed and Dr. Morgan, we agree that there is a good possibility that her experience in high school is effecting how her heart reacts to things now."

All of the adults turn to look at Rachel with disapproving looks. She shrinks down in the bed and draws the sheet up to cover more of herself. "I didn't know. And you already forgave me for that."

Shelby kisses her cheek. "We did. You're forgiven. Unfortunately, it's a lesson learned the hard way. With repercussions years later."

Rachel looks down. "I'm sorry."

"You couldn't have known." Finn points out. "That's in the past. We'll deal with the now together. No blame."

He gives the parents a pointed look. They ease off and smile. "No blame." They agree.

Dr. Preston grins slightly. "However, it's not definite. Chances are, her heart would be reacting poorly regardless. Perhaps not as bad, but it would still be an issue, even if that had never happened years ago."

"See?" Rachel says a little petulantly, making them chuckle.

He goes on to explain how they can help keep her heart in a more normal range during and after treatments without risking any progress she's making. And she is making progress. Her numbers are slowly going up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later that same day, after Rachel fell asleep, Dr. McCann arrived. He wanted to talk to them and apologize in person, preferably with Rachel not listening. No one has told her why her parents suddenly arrived and she never asked. She doesn't know how scared Finn became that her passing was imminent.

"I heard about what happened and I feel the need to apologize and explain." Dr. McCann says quietly, after glancing at Rachel to make sure she's still asleep. He addresses all of them, but focuses on Finn more so than the parents. "The doctor who came in the other night and gave her the medication to even out her heart rate only knows her by file. He doesn't know Rachel very well, or you. All he knew was what's in the file, and only what was pertinent to what he needed to know for his shift that night. Had it been myself or Dr. Preston, we would have phrased it differently. He did not mean to imply that Rachel was potentially about to pass away."

He pauses, letting them digest this.

"Had he known how long she's been fighting this, or how perilous her condition has been, he'd have used different phrasing. Really, he should have specified that by 'done all we can', he just meant for her heart and for the night. He had to wait and see how her body responded to that medication before determining next steps. I'm sorry for the scare you all had. I swear to you, if it ever gets to the point that she may be about to pass on, it'll be either myself or Dr. Preston telling you. No one else. We also would have phrased it a little differently and provided more information. It'd have been a longer talk. Again, I'm sorry for the scare and the stress you were inadvertently put through from that."

Finn nods. "I just…..she was acting odd. Something was definitely wrong. She said she felt like she was falling or being pulled down. A similar feeling she described when she was dying years ago. She even brought up a related request she'd made of me at the start of all this. She, uh, asked me not to crumble if she dies. I thought that meant that, you know, she was feeling….something bad…..that made her feel she had to say that right then. And then the doctor said….that….and I panicked."

"Understandably. And we know that Rachel was feeling very poorly. Her heart was all over the place and she could feel it. She had a high fever. She was struggling to breathe. She probably felt exhausted and weak. There's a good chance that Rachel did think there was a chance she'd die in the near future."

"You still made the right call by reaching out to us, Finn." His mother insists.

He nods. He's glad he called them but he feels sorry for scaring them so badly. They spent the flight to New York thinking she wasn't going to survive and that they would either have to say goodbye or be too late. If he calls them again like that, he'll speak calmer. And get more clarity from a doctor or nurse beforehand.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"This actually works out really well." Carole says happily.

"It does." Kurt agrees with a smile.

The two walk into the hospital room together and are pleased to find Rachel awake. They wait patiently for her and Scott to finish their conversation before changing it. They're a tad worried Rachel will be a little upset, but hope to mitigate that.

"So," Kurt begins carefully, "we know Finn truly won't care and probably hasn't thought of it at all, but his birthday is tomorrow."

Rachel's eyes widen and her heart jumps. They eye the monitor warily. "Tomorrow? Oh, God. I forgot about Finn's birthday!"

"Honey, it's okay. Finn hasn't cared about his birthday since turning 21."

"And you've been a little busy, you know, fighting for your life. Best gift for him ever." Scott promises. "For all of us."

The others nod. Kurt takes control of the conversation once again, taking Rachel's hand in his. "Finn hasn't even mentioned his birthday. All he cares about is you getting better and you've been working hard on that. That's all that truly matters. But while he's out with the others, we wanted to discuss doing a small celebration here."

Biting her lip, Rachel nods. "That sounds nice. He likes the chocolate mousse cake from the Italian bakery two blocks from us best, Kurt."

"I know." He says with a small smile. "I'll take care of it."

"And I agree he doesn't really care about his birthday much, but we can still decorate in here."

"I'll pick up tasteful decorations that he'll be pleased with, I promise."

"If you're thinking a full meal, we can get that dish he likes at the Chinese place on-"

"Rachel, relax. We're just gonna do cake."

She frowns. "He needs to eat an actual meal. It should be what he really likes."

Carole pats her leg. "If you're okay with it, Burt and I would like to take him out for an early dinner beforehand."

"Wait, I'm not invited?" Kurt asks, disgruntled.

"No. We'd like a private meal with Finn." Carole stands firm.

They'd planned this. They were afraid Rachel would be upset if they did a whole dinner without her, and none of them wanted to exclude her completely. They were also afraid she'd feel bad if they had the dinner in her hospital room eating on paper plates and with her not eating much, if anything at all. They decided his parents would take him out to dinner, just him, and Kurt would complain so Carole could put her foot down.

"Fine." Kurt grumbles.

Carole rubs his back and grins. "We'll do cake and presents together."

Rachel is frowning lightly. Scott sighs. "You're gonna ask one of us to go get him a gift on your behalf, aren't you? Even though we just explained that all he cares about is you getting better."

"Yes. He's been talking about the new video game that just came out. The next one in the series he likes. Can one of you pick it up? I'll pay you later….somehow." She hasn't touched money in so long, she seems to realize it'll be a while before she can reimburse them.

"Sure thing. Don't worry about it." Scott says. "I'll pick it up tonight."

"I'd like to wrap it, if that's okay."

They nod.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Rachel wakes up the next morning, she smiles to see Finn finishing up an omelette that someone obviously brought for him.

"Happy Birthday." She says.

He grins and sets his plate down. She tilts her head up and he kisses her. "Thanks, babe."

"You're doing something fun, today, right? You're not spending your birthday in the hospital."

He nods. "Yeah. The guys already said they're taking me out. I don't know where, but they said it'll be fun."

"Good." She gives him a pleased smile.

"We've actually gotta leave soon if we're gonna make it on time." Sam admits. "He just wanted to wait until you were awake."

Rachel pulls Finn down again and they kiss longer this time. "I love you. Have fun."

"I love you, too."

Not long after the guys left, her mom and Scott arrive. Scott hands her the video game and her mom give her the wrapping supplies. She chats while wrapping the gift, then slides it into the nightstand drawer, out of sight. Her mom hands her a card with a lovely front but a blank inside.

"I wasn't sure what sort of card you'd want to give him, so I got you a blank one. You can write your own message in it."

"Thanks, Mom."

Tiring, she falls asleep. When she wakes later, she grabs the card to write the message. She pushes the button so she's sitting up more and stares down at the blank inside of the card. Her thoughts swirl. What sort of message should she write? A simple 'happy birthday, I love you'? A more emotional message about how much she loves him and hopes to have many more years with him? A funny message? A hand lands lightly on her arm, pulling her from her thoughts. Her mom is smiling at her knowingly.

"Would you like some privacy while you write your message?"

She nods. The others file out.

"Mom?"

Her mom turns back and raises an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"What sort of message do you think I should write?"

Her mom gives her a sympathetic look. "Whatever you want, hon."

Not helpful. Chuckling at the look Rachel gives her, her mom reenters the room and tugs something out of her bag. A notepad. "Here. So you can write out a draft."

"Thank you."

Her mom kisses her cheek and leaves. In the now empty room, she tries to think it through. She decides to start with the notepad.

"Finn,"

She stops there and groans. Finally, she decides to just trust her gut.

"I know this birthday won't be the 'best ever' but I hope it was still a good one. You deserve the best of everything. You have been my rock, my champion, my everything." She scribbles that out with another groan. She spends a while writing and scribbling on the notepad. Finally, she tosses it aside and decides to keep this birthday card simple and light. Nothing heavy.

"Finn,

Twenty-five! A quarter of a century! And to think, I've known you for ten of those twenty-five years. You are now old enough to rent a car. And in a few more years, you'll be old enough to run for president! I hope this birthday was fun. We might not have gotten to do anything special together this year, but we'll plan something special for next year. Just think; in another twenty-five years you'll be fifty and we'll have been together for longer than you've been alive now.

I love you. Happy twenty-fifth birthday!

Love,

Rachel"

Satisfied, she puts the card in the envelope in the card and and adds it to the drawer with the gift. She looks at the notepad and hesitates. Shouldn't she write something more emotional? Just in case? She's been feeling better, but clearly that can change in a blink. She glances around warily. Still alone. She picks up the notepad and begins writing without thinking about it too much.

"My beloved husband,"

Rachel writes for a while, not thinking, just writing. By the time she's done, her hand, head, and heart hurt. Sniffling, she folds the letter into a neat little square and slides into the back corner of the drawer, out of sight. Exhausted, she rolls over and goes to sleep, praying he never has to read it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The party was tame but nice. Finn loved the decorations and the cake. He sat on the bed beside Rachel and said they were the king and queen holding court, making her and everyone else laugh. They had cake, he opened presents, pictures were snapped, and they talked. They managed to play a round of a game before Rachel was starting to fall asleep. She stayed awake longer than expected, so no one was surprised or upset. They stayed talking quietly for a while after she fell asleep. When the parents tried to convince Finn to go home to sleep in his bed again, he politely turned them down. He wants to spend his birthday night holding his wife.

So everyone said their goodbye's, filed out, and Finn slid back into the bed with Rachel, curling around her. He'd laughed at the card she'd written for him. And he appreciated that she didn't make it overly sentimental. They've had enough heaviness for a while, they could use some light humor instead.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

With Rachel breathing better, her heart back under control, and her numbers going up, the parents feel more comfortable heading home. They all have work. Shelby's school year starts up soon and she has to return for back to school meetings. Not that she cares, she insisted. She'd happily stay in New York if they want her to. Finn promised he feels better now that things are going a little more smoothly. The parents make him promise to call again, for any reason. They swear he made the right decision calling them nearly a week ago.

Rachel hugs them all tight and tells them she loves them before they leave. They all warmly return the sentiment.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Finn is frowning down at his sleeping wife, thinking hard. Dr. McCann comes in and checks on her, then sits across from Finn.

"She's doing better."

Finn nods. "I'd noticed. She seems more alert. She has a little more energy."

"Her numbers went up a little."

"They did?"

"They did. And they haven't fallen. Finn, this is a very slow, painful battle. It make sense that she's making very slow, painful progress."

"I guess there's no way to speed it up."

"Not without risking hurting her more. Or potentially killing her."

"Like that really painful treatment she did years ago?"

"Right. She's not strong enough for that." Dr. McCann confirms. "Also, we have an idea of what's been going on with the random odd pains in her chest. The ones that she says are similar to a mild attack but not quite the same."

"What do you think it is?"

"Her body fighting back. Strongly."

Finn perks up. "Really?"

Dr. McCann grins. "Really.

"That's good news."

"It's very good news. I promise, Finn, we're doing everything we can to help your wife get better."

"I've actually been thinking about something that might help her. At least emotionally and mentally, if not physically. There's something I'd like to make happen."

"And what's that?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She wakes with a sigh, her eyes fluttering open. It's daylight. She keeps falling asleep and waking at random times, so she never really knows what time of day it is. Last she remembered, Quinn and Santana had been here. She'd fallen asleep not long after they arrived, though. Finn pours her a glass of water and pushes the button to raise the bed.

"Good afternoon. Thirsty?"

She eyes him oddly. He used to wait for her to ask for water, but for the past couple weeks he's been pushing water on her a lot. "Sure." She accepts the water and drinks as much as she can before setting it down.

"You've been in this bed for a long time."

"I have."

It's been a while since she even sat in one of the chairs instead. She's sick of it, but complaining is pointless. Finn grins at her, his eyes bright.

"So let's go out."

She blinks. "What?"

He takes her hand. "When was the last time you felt sunlight directly on your skin?"

Just the thought alone brings tears to her eyes. "I don't know." She whispers back.

"Me neither. The sunlight that comes through that window doesn't even directly touch you. It's not enough. You should get out and feel the summer sun on your skin."

She can feel her heart flutter in excitement. "We can do that?"

"We can." Finn confirms. "I was just gonna take you onto the roof or something, but this hospital actually has a roof terrace off the fifth floor. They call it a healing garden. Patients can go out there to get fresh air and sunlight."

"Why didn't we know?"

"Well at first you couldn't go out there. Then they thought you'd get better soon, but instead got worse. And you were taking walks, but in the halls. Now that I found out about the terrace, I can take you."

"Really?"

"Really. Ready to go now or do you want to wait until—" He cuts himself off and starts laughing when she pushes herself up and turns so her legs are dangling off the bed. "Okay, okay, we'll go now. But give me a minute to get a nurse. They've gotta make sure you're ready to go and bring a wheelchair."

"Fine."

He jogs out and returns quickly with nurse Dawn. Dawn brings in a wheelchair. She detaches wires and her IV.

"Okay." The nurse addresses them both. "You now have a portable heart monitor on so you don't need the whole monitor to be wheeled with you. Your next round of treatment isn't until tomorrow, so you don't need your IV connected. But if you have an attack or you feel your heart start beating too fast or you start feeling too unwell—"

"We'll come right back." They promise.

Rachel is excited. She hasn't been excited about anything in a while. She can't stop smiling while Finn wheels her to the elevator. They get off on the fifth floor and follow signs to the terrace. There's an automatic door that opens, letting them out onto the terrace. The sky is a bright blue with puffy clouds. The sun is bright and warm. Rachel closes her eyes and tilts her head back, letting the warmth wash over her. It feels incredible. The fresh wind on her skin feels amazing, too. She giggles, her smile stretching from ear to ear. Behind and above her, she hears Finn chuckle. He pushes herself to a secluded spot off to the side. She opens her eyes and looks at the plants blooming in planters around the terrace. Finn sits on a bench beside her.

"Can I sit with you?" She asks.

He looks her over. "Okay, but you have to lean on me."

"Why?"

"You're already leaning to the side."

She looks down and realizes he's right. She's not sitting straight up anymore. She hasn't sat up in a chair in a long time. She barely has the strength for it. Finn slides an arm under her legs and another behind her back. She wraps her arms around his neck and he lifts her from the chair. He retakes his seat on the bench and settles her on his lap so she's sitting sideways.

"I thought I was going to sit beside you."

"In a minute." He says quietly. He reaches up and uses his free hand to unwind her scarf. She doesn't really need it anymore. She has enough hair covering her scalp to not be as self-conscious about being seen without it. A warm breeze ruffles her small amount of hair and she smiles. It feels so good. She grins up at him to find him grinning down at her. His eyes are twinkling.

"I wish we'd known about this sooner."

"Me, too."

They go back to sitting in silence and just enjoying being in the summer sun. Together. After a couple minutes, Finn slides her onto the bench beside him. She doesn't want to admit that she's already tiring, so she leans into him and rests her head on his shoulder. She's still smiling. The tendrils of sun caress her exposed skin and warm her in a way she hasn't felt in too long. The breeze going through her hair makes her feel…..normal. Healthy. If only she weren't so tired.

"Hey. You've gotta stay awake a little longer, okay?" Finn whispers in her ear.

Knowing he's right, she opens her eyes. "I know. It just feels so good."

"I'm glad."

Again, she closes her eyes and tilts her head towards the sun, enjoying the warmth and bright light. Unexpectedly, tears piece the back of her eyes. Her lips tremble. Finn tightens his hold on her.

"Hey. What's wrong?" She shakes her head. "No, tell me. What are you thinking about?"

"Home." She utters quietly. "Sitting on the balcony at home with Yero at my feet and you sitting beside me. Drinking coffee or ice tea and looking out over the city. Just….being home."

His face is sympathetic. "You want to go home."

She nods. "I really do. And I came close, just to get worse and have to stay longer. I never expected I'd have to stay in the hospital this long, Finn."

"Me neither." He admits. "But I'm sure we'll be home soon."

She nods.

"And until then, we have this."

She smiles slightly. "We do."

He kisses her head. It feels different now that she has more hair. Better. More normal. It makes her feel a little better.

"But now, I'm tired. I could use a nap."

"Then we'll head back. And we can come back here every day that you feel up to it." He promises.

That makes her smile again. Just the thought of it lifts her heart.

xxxxxxxxxx

A/N: The song lyrics are from Tom Jones "I Won't Crumble If You Fall". Beautiful song. Sad/beautiful story behind it. He wrote it for his wife who was dying of cancer.