The sensation of their lips together brought Mr. Carson out of his fanciful haze. He sprang apart from Mrs. Hughes.
"Forgive me, I have lost my senses." He stepped back further about to pivot to the stairs.
Elsie still blindsided, but thrilled, took stock of Mr. Carson's reaction. She faltered from the loss of his warmth and recent touch. She noticed him wanting to retreat.
"Mr. Carson."
He paused and looked her way. His scared and shocked expression made her heart ache.
"I believe we are both at fault. Please forgive me as well." She tried to give him a reassuring smile. Mr. Carson noticed the smile did not reach her eyes. Her wonderful expressive eyes looked dull and sad. Unfortunately it was not proper or right to continue acting this way. He needed distance and time to think.
inclined his head, but turned and made his way out of the cellar.
At supper, later that day neither spoke to the other. It went on this way for the next week. They only acknowledged each other for household matters. They did not converse during meals, or talk unless absolutely necessary.
Elsie was busy in her parlor marking in one of her ledgers. She was about to dip her pen into the inkwell when she thought about the kiss. Probably for the hundredth time. He would not leave her mind. She did not fault him for his reaction. For him leaving. It was terribly shocking, their kiss. She understood his reaction. She wished that he stayed and talked it out with her, but she understood.
She thought of his touch, his warmth, and most of all his kiss. It might have been a short light kiss, but it still meant the world to her. To think that her feelings were reciprocated. For the traditional stoic butler to kiss her indeed was a great showing of affection, surly.
Unfortunately she could not be sure. It was highly inappropriate to have these feelings, let alone act on them. She did not make the first move though. She had not shared her feelings with him and thought she hid them well. She really could not afford to continue on this path. She must forget about her feelings and get over this infatuation. She needed this job. For herself and for her family. How was she to dismiss her feelings for him? Just the sight of him made her stomach flip.
She shook her head, in order to get her head back into the task at hand. Before her pen connected back to paper, she had one last thought. She enjoyed that kiss and she wanted him.
Mr. Carson was having similar thoughts just down the hall. He was going over the wine inventory, when his thoughts strayed to . She was not far from his mind, especially looking over this particular inventory. His imagination was brought back into the cellar. He could still feel her in his arms. Still smell her lovely scent. Still feel her lips on his. He could not explain what came over him to act as he did. Attraction certainly. But he had been attracted to women in the past and did not act in such a manner. He did feel a little sorry for fleeting as he did, but he could not think and act in a gentlemanly manner in that moment.
What was so special about Mrs. Hughes? She was certainly beautiful. He thought so from the moment he saw her. He remembered her standing at the back door surrounded by her luggage. She did not look nervous. That was his first impression. Normally new staff look nervous and fidgety during their first arrival. Not her. She looked excited and sure of herself. He remembered when their hands brushed when he took one of her cases. The tiny shock he felt up his hand surprised him. A feeling he never felt before. A surprising, but pleasant feeling.
He appreciated confidence. She was not arrogant, which he appreciated even more. She was friendly and hardworking. He thought she was a good choice for housekeeper. Mrs. Smith made a good choice indeed. Unfortunately their positions limited them in many ways. Personal ways. He had an image to uphold. The butler could not fall in love. The butler needed to be proper and serve the family. There was no time for a personal life. It was not permitted.
His thoughts were sad in nature. If only they had met earlier in life. Maybe when he was under-butler. They could have left service. Maybe he could have found work in a shop and supported her.
All his thoughts lately were inappropriate. He kept thinking about the kiss. About the way she made him feel. How he forgot all about propriety and kissed her. He felt so drawn to her. He was amazed by the power she had over him.
How could he move on and forget about these feelings?
The only consultation he had was they both seemed to realize the gravity of their situation. It hurt that they were not speaking at the moment, but maybe that's what they needed. Distance.
He needed to carry on and stay in his lane. Continue to avoid her, of being alone with her. Maybe then his feelings would dissipate. He nodded to himself in limited satisfaction and got on with his work.
The day of the party arrived. Elsie was running around constantly, trying to make everything run as smoothly as possible. She could not count the number of times she made her way up and down the stairs. She hardly felt breathless and was rather proud of that. She wanted to prove herself and represent a well put together housekeeper. She was upstairs once again checking that everything was in its place and immaculate.
Just as she was rotating one of the flower arrangements, Lady Grantham walked into the room.
"Mrs. Hughes, this looks lovely."
"Thank you, Milady."
"Guests will be arriving soon, please have the footmen sent up, you may go."
Elsie inclined her head and made her way to the servants stairway once again.
Just as she reached the landing to the servants hall, she nearly tripped on the last step. She grabbed the banister to catch herself, when she felt someone just in front of her offering support. She looked up and gasped.
Hearing her gasp supported her further by placing his hands on her waist. They stood there for a moment. Both unconsciously reveling in the other's presence and warmth.
Elsie suddenly looked around to check if anyone was around and said "I'm sorry for my apparent clumsiness, Thank you for the support."
They both thought about her only other instance of clumsiness and what it led to. Both blushed and turned their head away from the other.
Mr. Carson backed away "Your welcome." Elsie settled herself before continuing.
"Oh, I came down to say, Lady Grantham is ready for yourself and the footman."
"Yes, of course." He left her presents, presumably in search of the footman.
Elsie suppressed a small smile thinking about his mire presents. She missed him, missed their conversations. His support was addicting. Why were they avoiding each other? Why indeed? When there was clearly a mutual affection. Maybe it was time to speak to him about their shared time in the cellar. Could they be something? What would he think?
Elsie was interested in figuring it out. Not just to clear the air, but to figure out if there was a future for her affections to grow. Or if she would need to sever the ties completely, in order to protect her heart. She honestly did not care about the convenient path they both should follow. She could see a life with him. She wanted a life with him.
She made up her mind. After the party and subsequently the servants dinner. She would knock on his door and have her say.
Elsie finally made it to his door. After issuing all the staff to their beds. She was proud of her efforts in acting normally during dinner. Mr. Carson and herself actually made light chatter. Some of their tension seemed to melt away after the incident on the stairs.
Elsie knocked gently and then entered after his bid.
"Hello , could we speak before we go up?"
"Yes, I was going to wait till tomorrow, but I needed to speak to you as well."
She raised a brow and he continued "I wanted to congratulate you on a job well done. Lady Grantham said you did a fine job with the party. She sounded most impressed."
Elsie blushed and said "High praise coming from her I assume?"
"Actually, yes." He said with a smirk.
"Expectations met again I would say." She smiled.
"Are you ever going to let me live that down? I hope you know that I think you have done a fine job." His tone concerned.
Elsie smiled wider and said "I didn't know Mr. Carson, but I'm glad."
"I hope you know I took no offence when we first met" Elsie said while she moved further into the room. She then moved to the seat across from him and took a seat.
smiled "That's good to know, I know I come off strong" "I like for all staff to know who is in charge when they first arrive"
"Oh no one would be confused about who is in charge." She said in a cheeky manner.
Mr. Carson coughed to clear his throat. He realized suddenly that they were alone once more. Something he had been avoiding for the last two weeks. He found it odd that he was not the least bit sorry that they were together again. He missed her and was happy to be in her presence.
"What is it you wanted to talk about?
"Well Mr. Carson, I must admit that the last few weeks have been hard for me."
"You did swimmingly well for her Ladyship's party."
"Yes, but that is work and I have much experience with work."
"So what has caused your hardship?" Carson surmised he knew. Unsure if he truly wanted to have this confederation. It was borderline inappropriate if it went in the directions he thought it would.
"You have."
Mr. Carson blushed and dropped his eyes from hers. Knowing the conversation was going in the direction he was most afraid of.
"Mrs. Hughes" he started to say, but she cut him off.
"Please let me have my say. For I am feeling very fortunate and want to speak before I lose my nerve."
Mr. Carson swallowed, pivoted closer to her in his chair and motioned for her to continue. His attention entirely hers.
"Mr. Carson, I may be very accomplished in my work, but in the ways of the heart I have been most unfortunate. I have had a few offers for courtship in my day, but nothing to light a candle with. That is until now."
"You have probably surmised that I have developed feelings for you Mr. Carson."
When he nodded and looked back into her eyes she said "You would be right. I have never felt this way before. You fill my mind even though I know you should not. I have known you for such a short period of time, yet I feel for you what I have never felt for another man."
"I think of our conversations and what I have learned of you and think that I want to discover more. When you hold me or smile at me I can't describe the sensation that spreads in my stomach. And when you kissed me, the whole world seemed to fade away and it's just us two."
"I know I should not have these feelings. That it is forbidden for our positions, but I must know if you have similar feelings or if I am just a fool?" Her eyes captivated him. Most telling. Her words beautiful and sincere. Her question tugged at his heart.
Mr. Carson was stunned into silence. He could not believe his ears. He looked down and contemplated his replay. He was stunned that this charming woman had these vast feelings for him after a short time indeed. Did he share her feelings? Oh course he did, how could he not? But what was the right move going forward? He should break whatever this was off. Make it clear that this was unacceptable. However, how could he break her heart and his? What was the right move indeed?
His mind was made up the moment he looked into her concerned but loving eyes. He knew his answer.
"Mrs. Hughes, What is your first name?"
"Pardon"
"I don't know your first name, I think it is rather foolish if we are to talk in this manner and I don't truly know how to address you" He said with a small smile to reassure her.
Elsie realized his implication.
"My name is Elspeth May Hughes. But I have been called Elsie all my life."
"Well Elspeth May Hughes, my name is Charles Edward Carson. Very pleased to meet you."
Elsie felt tears come to her eyes and flashed a brilliant smile towards him.
"Would you like a glass of sherry Elsie? I feel this conversation will indeed be long and informative."
"Don't mind if I do."
After getting two glasses, pouring their drinks, and taking his seat again. Charles said "I do share your sentiment"
Elsie smiled once more.
Charles continued "I don't know how to move forward Elsie. This is most inappropriate. Butlers and housekeepers are not meant to marry or have families. We are made for solitary lives."
Elsie's eyes widened at the mention of marriage and a family.
Charles hardly noticed and said "However I can't see how to put this back into a box." He said gesturing between them two. "I have felt drawn to you from the moment I first saw you"
"You didn't give that impression"
"Quite right"
"Yes, quite"
"That does not negate my former statement. I care for you as no Butler should care for a woman."
"And I care for you as no Housekeepers should care for a man." She reached her hand out. He looked at her hand and joined his with hers.
He squeezed her hand "Where do we go from here?"
"Well Charles, all we can do is move forward. I think we start by getting to know one another better." she lazily rubbed her thumb over the top of his hand. Thrilled by the liberties he allowed.
Charles shared the same thought and said "I should very much like to know all about you Elsie."
They shared a smile and conversed further into the night. Until they mutually decided to head to bed and made their way to their separate stairwells.