Chapter 7: Homeward
The first week with the family away consisted of cleaning and organizing each room upstairs. Mrs. Smith gave Elsie a very helpful guideline about the needs of the house during the London season. Each room was to be cleaned then furniture covered with clean sheets. At least the staff didn't need to revisit those rooms again until the family came back.
In her spare time Elsie did indeed take apart her sitting room. Looking for clues into the lives of housekeepers past. Unfortunately she did not find anything. She did a fair bit of reorganizing. Even replaced more of the furniture. Instead of a sitting chair in the back corner, near her bookcase, she installed a small green settee. It just fit the tiny space, but she was proud of the new look and feel of the room. More her.
She placed a few pictures about the room as well. A few in the bookcase and a picture of her parents, herself , and Becky on her desk. The only picture in existence of the four of them. God she looked young. The picture was taken right before she left for her first position in service. She was about 18 years of age. Off to a new world, without her parents. Grateful and ashamed to escape Becky.
She shook her head at her thoughts. Someday Becky would be her responsibility. She would definitely need to have a conversation with Charles about Becky and their future plans for after her mother passed. After they married, hopefully he would take on that responsibility as well. Although she would understand if he chose not too.
She missed Charles terribly. She was very grateful about receiving a letter from him that very morning. Just thinking about its content made her smile. She had read it three times already and was about to sit down and write her reply.
She retrieved the letter once more and reread it.
"My dearest Elsie,
Myself and the family have arrived safe. The journey a little lagging because of sweet little Lady Sybil. I think her first travel was not at all pleasant for her. There was a lot of crying involved. From all parties because of the frustration. Myself included, though you must not let on to anyone that I have told you.
I miss you my dear. Miss your smile and conversation. Miss your warmth and kisses.
How have you found your first season running the house alone? Not working yourself into the ground I hope. I do appreciate your hardworking nature, but I should like to be reunited with a healthy bride to be. Do take care my love.
I must get back to my duties. Please let me know how you've gotten on my love.
Yours,
Charles.
P.S It might be best to burn this letter or kind a very good hiding place. Can't risk anyone seeing our correspondence.
Elsie smiled and put his letter aside. Dragging fresh paper and her inkwell to herself she started her letter.
"My dearest Charles,
I miss you so. My days might be busy, but I feel your absence constantly. The house is almost thoroughly cleaned. Thank goodness for 's directions. I would have been lost without her guideline.
I have redecorated and conducted a deep dive on my pantry. No new evidence found. I have plans to redo my room again as well. I know, I know it was not too long ago since I last turned the room about. But my love, I plan on retrieving a bigger bed for my room. Keep falling out of my current one you see. Much too small. I need more room and perhaps a large pillow to help keep me secure.
I'll take a look about the attic again and find something suitable. Never you worry.
I hope Miss Sybil is faring better. Poor wee one, that must have been a scary change for someone so young. She has already bounced back I'm sure. Children are resilient.
Oh and don't worry about your bride to be. She is most eager to marry you and will not let anything stop that from happening.
Keep me updated on the goings on in London.
All my love,
Elsie
P.S I will find a very good hiding spot. No need to destroy such beautiful paper.
She sealed the letter and placed it in her pocket. Planning to drop it into the post by the backdoor later on.
One week on, Charles had just finished reading Elsie's letter. Entirely happy to receive her response. God he loved her cheeky tongue.
The season was not as busy as past summers. Much to his surprise. He thought with the accompaniment of three little girls that the house would be in utter chaos. Alas he was wrong. He should not be surprised honestly. The children were well behaved. Certainly Miss Mary. He had a fondness for her. He enjoyed her visits downstairs and her curious nature. She was a smart little whip too.
Sometimes she sought his company. He adored her company as well. He did not have much experience with children, but Miss Mary seemed different to most children. More mature and serious. He hoped she was having a good childhood.
He did not have much in the way of tasks today, maybe he would volunteer to accompany the children to a park. With Nanny of course. Maybe just the eldest.
Over the next five weeks Charles and Elsie keep up their communication. They shared their daily activities and household goings on. Elsie found a larger bed for her room. And if anyone asked why she was able to have a double bed, she stated that it was a privilege of being the housekeeper. The first time she took advantage of her position.
She had yet to find any clues to the location of the key. None of the keys in her possession worked. And she had access to a fair amount. She now had a collection of keys. She had found several unusual keys around the house. Whenever she found a new one her excitement flared. Unfortunately, none matched their shared door and proved utterly useless.
Elsie suddenly found that it was time to travel home to Scotland. She was both anxious and excited. She looked forward to seeing her Mam and Becky. More pressingly, she looked forward to meeting Charles in Thirsk.
She was to leave today and was packing her bag. She still had much to do. She needed to give final instructions to Clara and Sofia, the two housemaids she put in charge. She also needed to go through her records and inventories. One final glance to make sure everything was in order for her time away. A task she was not willing to delegate. She needed to continue and finish her packing first. She removed a few garments from her wardrobe, folded them, and then placed them in her luggage case.
She started thinking about her wedding night and the fact she did not have a nightgown suitable for a bribe. The thought made her sad. Perhaps she was not a proper bride for Charles. Shouldn't she try to stick with tradition? Try to uphold as many traditions as possible? To counteract the fact they could not be together openly in their home. She honestly didn't know many traditional wedding proceedings. Especially for England. She concluded a talk with her Mam would settle her.
She finished her packing, remembering to bring her sharpest blouse and skirt for the ceremony. She selected her lovely satin light clean blouse out. It was relatively new, only been worn a few times to church. She grabbed her pearl brooch from her meager jewelry box. She planned to wear it on her wedding day. Smiling at the thought she left her room, making her way down to the carriage awaiting her.
After a long journey North, Elsie finally made it to her family's dwelling. It was her childhood home. Rundown, but still lived in. Kind of like her at the moment. Elsie felt un-tidy and grimy from her travels. Especially after her cart ride from the station to the house on a dusty road. Her mother had sold off the land many years ago after her father's death. Her mother was able to keep the house, but needed to start paying rent. Unfortunately most of the money from the sale went towards debts. They had some to live on, but that soon ran dry. Her mother was able to find small jobs here and there. Cleaning, washing, sometimes childcare. Becky was a full time job, so the money was not enough to support them. Hence Elsie help financially.
Elsie could see her mother standing in front of the house. She must have heard the cart approaching. Elsie smiled at the sight of her. Happy to be reunited. Unfortunately, her first impression was not a good one, her mother looked far too thin. Concerning indeed.
Her mother approached the cart when it came to a stop. "Elsie my dear, it's so good to see you" She reached out to help her down. Once on the ground her mother pulled her into a fierce hug and held her tight. Elsie burrowed into her mothers warmth. She loved her mother dearly. There was no feeling like being in your mothers arms.
Elsie pulled back a little "Oh Mam, I've missed you so." pulling her back in for another hug.
Once they both pulled apart Elsie noticed tears in her mother's eyes. Elsie gave her a reassuring look and turned to retrieve her luggage from the cart. Giving her mother a moment to have her sentimental feelings, she turned to the driver and gave him his fare.
After bidding the driver away, both women started for the house.
Becky was sitting at the kitchen table when they walked in. She had jam smeared on her cheek. Seemed she had a misstep when trying to feed herself.
"Hello Becky" Elsie directed to her sister. Looking for any recognition. Sometimes Becky knew exactly who she was and sometimes it took a while for her to warm to Elsie again. Elsie hoped Becky would have an easier time with her presents, as it was under a year since she saw her last.
Becky did look up from her pastry and acknowledged her greeting. She Looked from Elsie, then to their mother. Confusion painted on her face.
"Becky, you remember Elsie, she is here for a visit." Her mother said. Becky failed to acknowledge her mother's words though and just continued to stare at Elsie.
"My love, looks like you made a mess, well finish your food and we will get you cleaned up." Their mother smiled at her youngest, but then turned to her oldest "Tea Elsie?"
"Yes Mam, let me just put my bag in my room."
When she walked back into the kitchen her mother was cleaning her sister's face. Becky looked at her again, but no recognition reached her eyes. Elsie saw a new cup in front of an empty chair and moved to take a seat. She took a sip and realized it was perfect, exactly how she liked her tea. She was touched that her mother remembered.
"Thank ye, Mam,"indicating to her tea.
"Ya welcome, Mo-hill" her mother replied. "Ya lookin very well, happy."
"I am happy Mam." Smiling at the endearment directed her way. She missed the sound of her mother's voice.
"I'm so proud of ye me lass, Housekeeper, I always knew you'd go far" "I know I said so in my letters, but I wanted to tell you in person." She reached out and caught Elsie's hands.
Elsie squeezed her hand in appreciation. Blushing under her mother's gaze. She was proud of her work too, just not used to being recognized for it. Elsie frowned after holding her mother hand for a moment. She could not help but feel the difference in her mother's hand. Still warm, but more worn feeling and more fragile. In fact, all of her mother looked more fragile. Her cheeks more hollow and her face appeared more gray. Elsie was worried. She hoped her mother would confide in her. She didn't want to bring it up, but would if she had too.
"Thank you, I'm very busy, but happy." Elsie took another sip and said"I'm glad to see you, I've missed you dearly."
"We have missed you too. Tell me, me lass about your new position."
"Oh it's hard work and I'm up from dusk to dawn sometimes, but it's rewarding. I love managing a big house. It's very beautiful and I like keeping up standards. I even enjoy working and managing the staff."
"You talk so different, me lass." Her mother said in a somewhat sad tone.
"Well yes, I have lived in England for a while now and have picked up on their ways."
"So long as you never forget home."
"Man, never" squeezing her hand again. She gave her an endearing smile.
Her mother just sat before her for a moment and stared. Elsie was not uncomfortable, figuring her mother just wanted to take a good look at her and take everything in. She wanted to see the differences in her eldest child.
"Have you made any friends?" Her mother asked after a moment.
"Yes Man, a few. It's harder now that I am Housekeeper. Now that I'm in a leadership position. I have to keep the maids in line. It's harder to make friends when you're the disciplinarian."
"Ye, I imagine." taking another sip of her own tea. She looked in Becky's direction, making sure she was well.
Her sister seemed to be content listening to their voices. At least she was not disturbed by her presents. That was something. Must not be too much of a stranger or there would be a lot of screeching. Her sister did not take kindly to strangers.
"Oh Elsie, I forgot to mention in me last letter. Joe Burns has married."
"Oh"
"Yes, a lanky girl from two towns over. Ivy, I believe her name." She took a breath and continued "I only met her the once. At church. I think it resent. She has beautiful red hair."
"I'm happy for him" She got up to replenish their tea. She stopped to look out the window, thinking of her past beau. She was happy he met someone. Not still pinning after her. For she was much too happy with Charles to seek Joe while in Scotland. Hopefully his new marriage would keep him plenty busy and away from her.
Her mother taking her silence as a show of sadness said "Elsie, I thought this the life ye wanted. Marriage and children not part the plan?"
Elsie turned back around "Oh Mother, it is the life I want. And I am happy for him. May their life together be happy and fruitful." Elsie blushed at her own insinuation.
Her mother was not quite convinced, curious about the blush on Elsie's cheeks. She looked into her eyes and noticed something was different about her girl.
"Mo-hill, you seem different. Pehaps ye new position" Elsie raised her brow in mother then said "Pehaps a new man?" She got her answer by the expression of surprise on her daughter's face. A new man indeed.
"Pehaps a Mr. Carson?"
"What Mam! How did ye know?" Falling back into her Scottish accent from being in her mothers presents and accurate assumptions.
"Ye mention him enough in ye letters."
Elsie could not dispute that, although she did not realize how often she mentioned him.
"An unrequired crush can be troubling my dear."
"Who said it's unrequired?" Elsie replied in a confident tone.
Her mother did not miss her meaning and surmised her daughter was close to this Mr. Carson. "Is that allowed Elsie, for staff to enter into whatever it is you have?"
"It's not Man, we meet in secret. The privilege of being the head of staff. We have more privacy. We meet each night in his pantry or mind. We converse and share wine."
"Yes, that sounds nice, but where do you go from there? Forever a secret, no privileges of being a married woman. " She stated matter of fact.
Elsie gave her mother a shy look.
"No me dear, you haven't?" Her eyes suddenly more concerned than before. Her question not understood, until realization took hold.
"No Mam! We have not done that! Like I said we meet only to share about our day, enjoy eachothers company." Elsie's eyes wide and scandalized.
"There are many ways to enjoy each other's company" Her mother raised her brow, but was convinced.
"Yes Mother, I don't live in a sack" She raised her voice in exacerbation. She noticed Becky jump a little from her outburst.
She saw her mother move to stroke Becky's hair, an act to sooth her. Her mother was very in tune to Becky's needs.
"Well my dear, I just wanted to make sure. You have not answered my question. How will you move forward?"
Elsie thought of her future marriage and of Charles. She centered herself with thoughts of him and her mind calmed. She looked straight into her mothers eyes and said "I am to be married" wonder in her voice.
"Oh me dear" taking her daughter's expression into account before her next question.
"How will this work Elsie? How will you live as husband and wife? Don't you have separate housing. You've said in a past letter."
"Yes Mam, men and women have separate halls. We will live in secret of course, like I said. And we will figure it out."
"Elsie," Her mother said in a distressed tone.
"I know Man, I'm not some spring chicken. I know this is unconventional. Forbidden even. But I love him."
"It seems ye mind is made up and you are a very capable woman. If this is truly what ye want then I know ye will find ye way." She stood and indicated Elsie to follow.
Elsie was then within her mothers arms again. Elsie relished this feeling. Love and understanding. It didn't last long though, interrupted by an unpleasant screech. Both pulled away and looked to Becky. Becky's expression was angry.
"Becky, I can hug Elsie all I want. I am her Mam too." She abolished her youngest.
"Why do you explain yourself to her, when you know she can't understand?"
"Elsie!" now having to abolish her oldest "She is still a human being. She has feelings too."
Elsie looked down in shame. She spoke without thinking. Disappointment that her tender moment with her mother was interrupted. She knew Becky was a human being.
"I'm sorry." Her mother saw that her point was made. She moved back to Elsie and rubbed her arm.
"It's okay me love." She then proceeded to push Elsie into the living area. "Lets move into the livin room and discuss your man further."
Later that night after Becky was put to bed and Elsie was freshly washed, Elsie was joined by her mother in the living room.
"Mo luaidh, would you like a glass?" Indicating to the glass of whiskey she was holding up.
Elsie nodded her head. She was handed the glass and her mother went back to the kitchen for another.
Once back she said "I know you are a grown woman and have seen more of this world than I, but I can still instill some knowledge. About marriage." They were seated on the same couch facing each other. Elsie nodded again for her to go on. She took a sip of her drink. It burned down her throat, but she liked how the drink symbolized home.
"Marriage is hard work. It Can be fun, but it is hard work. Your father and I loved one another very much. But sometimes love is not enough. My core advice for marriage is this Elsie. " She took a pause and made sure Elsie was looking into her eyes. "Communication. It's sometimes hard to realize that you can't read each other's minds. Even when married for years."
Elsie nodded, but remained quiet, taking her mother's words to heart. She knew to remain quiet, so her mother could continue.
"Ye man sounds like a decent chap. I would like to meet him before you marry."
Elsie felt bad after her mother's statement. Knowing it would not be possible.
"Oh Mam, we are to be married right after I leave here. We are meeting in Thirsk. A town not far, but now too close from Downton. We will marry the day we arrive and spend three days together before traveling back."
Her mother broke eye contact. She looked disappointed. Her mother shook her head, but did not speak further about the issue. Elsie hoped that signified her understanding of the situation.
"Do you have all you need for your wedding? Dress? jewelry? I'd like to see if so."
"Yes Mam, Let me show you." She stood and headed towards her room.
Once they were both inside her little room Elsie took out her cream blouse and dark gray skirt, laying them on the bed to show her mother.
"This is it." Looking to her mother's eyes. Knowing that would indicate if she found it adequate or not.
"Yes, I see. Did you not have anything lighter in color?"
"No Mam, this is my best blouse, and the skirt is not too bad." She saw her mother nod in consideration, but her eyes did not give her true opinion away. "Do you not like it, is it not appropriate?"
"If it is your best, then it will do. How about jewelry?"
Elsie accepted her response and took out her brooch. She also grabbed the earrings she planned on wearing. Unfortunately she did not have pearl earrings to match the brooch.
Her mother gasped at the brooch. "This is lovely Elsie, did yer man give you this?"
"No, it was an old employer."
"My, my. Lucky lass."
Elsie smiled at her mother. Enjoying this moment.
"Your earrings are nice, me lass, but I think I have something that will match much better."
Elsie's curiosity was piqued. Her mother moved to her own room, careful not to disturb Becky's sleeping form, as they shared the same room and bed. She came back a moment later and placed the most beautiful pearl earrings into Elsie's hand.
"These were a gift from ye father. I think he managed to get em from gambling though. I never let on that I knew. " She chuckled. She looked to Elsie again. Her tone turned more serious, "I want you to have them."
"Oh Mam, I can't"
"You can, me love. And you will. Does no good for them to be kept away in a box forever. Think of it as an heirloom. Perhaps you will have a daughter someday." She bestowed upon Elsie a wondrous smile. Hope filled her voice.
"Oh Mam, I don't know about children, but I will accept this gift and take good care of them."
"Put your clothes and jewelry away Elsie, I want to have a serious talk with ye."
Elsie gave her a questioning expression, but complied. Then followed her mother back into the living room after she was done.
Once seated, she noticed that her mother refilled their drinks. Having a feeling she would need it, Elsie grabbed her glass and took a gulp.
Her mother spoke after Elsie took a drink "I assume you know what happens between a man and woman after marriage." After she saw her daughter's nod she continued "I'm sorry to intrude. Are you still pure?"
Elsie coughed at her mother's question. "Yes Mother." Shocked.
"I just wanted to be sure before having this conversation love."
Her mother spoke before she could add any input"Relations can be a wonderful thing. The connection formed both uniting and trust forming."
Elsie could not believe they were having this discussion.
Her mother continued her candor message, knowing it was important. No matter how disturbing it was to discuss with her daughter. She sure wished her own mother informed her, at least a little, about marital relations before her own marriage. Different times though.
"Sex is messy Elsie. In it physical nature and emotional. Sex can maintain a marriage or break it. It's a give and take. Such as marriage itself." She laughed at Elsie's embarrassed blush.
"It's okay to express what makes you feel good and what does not. This is important Elsie. You must communicate in every aspect of your marriage." She clasped her daughters hands and gave them a loving pat.
"Don't worry me dear, If you love one another everything falls into place in that department."
"Do you have any questions?"
Almost too stunned to speak, Elsie had a hard time formulating a question.
After a moment and another gulp of her whiskey she said "Does it hurt."
"Yes the first time and sometimes when ye have not engaged in a while." She knew her next statement would scandalize her poor daughter. "It's all about the buildup Elsie. Not about the act itself. Even though that is wonderful too. You need to make sure you're ready before…well before you let him join you." She said somewhat awkwardly.
"I hope you know my meaning. It's somewhat embarrassing for me to say. But important."
"Yes mam, I heard you emphasize the importance bit. I do believe I know the mechanics. I did grow up on a farm ye know." Elsie replied cheekily.
Elsie's mother laughed "Sure ye did"
"Mam, I don't think I can have Children." Elsie stated matter of factly.
"Ye are still young Elsie, if you participate in marital relations, then children are a natural outcome."
"No I mean. We can't have children because it will uncover our union."
"Oh I see. And is that how you see ye life playing out. No relations. A brother and sister thing? What's the point of getting married?"
"Mam No!" she collected her thoughts "I want to be married to Charles fully." She thought for a moment and said. "Is there a way to still have relations, but prevent becoming with child?"
"I suppose if he never finishes in you" Her mother replied candidly.
Elsie gave her a questioning look "What?"
"Elsie the compilation of sex for a man is to release his seed" Elsie blushed again and swallowed the rest of her drink.
"I understand Mother"
"Don't give me that tone Elsie, you asked!"
"Yes, Thank you Mam." She felt tipsy by now and entirely overwhelmed.
"Perhaps it's time to go to bed. We can continue another time."
"There's more!" Her mother outright laughed at Elsie's outcry.
"Yes, Mo luaidh. Now off you go. It's been a long day and we have much to do tomorrow."
Her mother stood and embraced her once more. They both relished in the attention. Not having much physical contact in their time apart. After their loving embrace, they headed to their respective rooms. Her mother stopped to put the candles out and then went to join her youngest.