At the name of the monster, Weiss froze in horror as she remembered the name. "Congalala? As in that obese, revolting, farting monkey?" She asked in a disgusted tone.
"Yep." All three Ice Demons answered nonchalantly.
Weiss was silent at first, before inhaling deeply through her nose to calm herself, then finally speaking. "There's no way out of watching this… is there?" She asked in a defeated, dead tone.
"Great job Weiss! You're finally learning!" Katana praised the heiress in a mock cheerful tone, to which the more trollish members of the cast got a solid laugh.
"Oh, this is gonna be a great episode!" Yang whispered to Neo giddily.
"Because Weiss is gonna hate it?" Neo whispered in a giggle to her girlfriend, who nodded.
But Roman was close enough to hear this whispering. "Exactly. Any anguish and insanity the princess suffers is just as- if not more entertaining- than the videos themselves." The former crime boss agreed.
"I'm still waiting for the moment she goes full looney tune." Coco said.
"Or like that first crook in Huma Left: Pro Lawyer: impartiality for Everyone [1]. I've got a Fire Dust crystal and a bag of popcorn ready and waiting." Blake said.
"Sometimes I feel you people are my damnation for something I did in a previous lifetime…" Weiss grumbled, massaging her temples.
"Aww, we love you to, Ice Princess~" Ruby said in a mocking tone, though she did lean over and offer Weiss a genuine hug.
"I recognize my sister's been... unraveling... these past few videos, but in this case, I completely agree with her. I am dreading this and wondering what I did to deserve this." Winter sighed.
"Honestly, what could we learn from a flatulent, pink monkey?" Glynda asked in disgust.
"I can only pray they don't come to Remnant. Especially Atlas." Ironwood said.
Sai was seen in the Rotten Vale, talking to an as-of-yet unknown person. "So, that's the story. Two months now and it doesn't look like I'll be going home ANY time soon." The Sapphire Star informed whatever creature he was talking to.
That creature... turned out to be Vaal Hazak! "What made your chef think that a meal composed of cabbage, beans, cheese and onions was a good idea?" The Effluvial Elder Dragon questioned.
The group was a bit surprised at seeing the Corpse Coat Dragon. "Hey! Vaal Hazak!" Jaune exclaimed.
"Man, I swear, it feels like FOREVER ago since we saw him last." Qrow said.
"Yeah, you guys might need an update on him..." Katana said quietly to herself, texting the message to her brother.
The intellectuals couldn't help but cringe. "What the hell was that chef thinking?" Summer groaned.
"Wait, I don't get it. Why is that bad?" Ruby asked, confused along with the other less studious audience.
Those in the know hesitated on whether or not to explain it, but Penny had no such hesitations. "All of the foods listed cause a large build-up of gastrointestinal activity, causing a significant increase in flatulation." The gynoid explained.
"Uh... what?" Ruby asked again in confusion.
Cinder sighed at this. "It makes you fart a lot, Ruby." She told her girlfriend.
"Oh. Eww!" Ruby exclaimed in disgust along with those that had just caught on.
The host sighed at this. "I have NO idea. Regardless, that's the situation: thanks to the Fiver Bro, no one can tolerate the smell in Astera, even after all this time. Completely uninhabitable. So, everyone moved to Seliana, but that place doesn't have the resources for everyone. Some hunters and their handlers have even risked roughing it in the base camps in different locales." The Dual Blades-User further explained the situation.
"Eww! How could he do something so sickening!?" Velvet asked in disgust.
"We've all seen he can be a bit... sloppy and absent-minded, but this is just wrong!" Pyrrha said, equally sickened.
"An ENTIRE location uninhabitable... because he ate such gastric foods and turned the area into a cloud of toxic fumes?! Unacceptable! This man needs to be kicked out of the Commission! And that's me being generous! If he was one of my men, I'd have him shot!" Ironwood snapped.
"You'd have to wait in line, sir. I'd be first in line to execute him." Winter told him.
"I'd send him back into Astera, then send in sparks from Myrtenaster's Fire Dust." Weiss added.
"Come on, guys. Aren't you being a little harsh? Honestly, that's kind of impressive." Yang admitted.
"Yeah. I've been able to stink us out of our dorm before, but that's as far as I could go. And only for a half hour. Clearing out an entire settlement for TWO MONTHS? That's some skill AND commitment!" Nora admitted, the rest of team JNPR groaning at the thought of when Nora fills her stomach to its absolute limit and has to let out air.
The Hunter and the dragon now walked alongside each other. "So, let me get this straight, you left a place full of toxic fumes that smelled like death... to come to a place full of toxic fumes that smells like death?" Vaal Hazak pointed out the flaw in Sai's logic.
Once the Elder Dragon questioned Sai's logic, the cast was divided once again, a good half of the cast slumping in disbelief. "I can't even BEGIN to process what goes through that man's head anymore." Glynda sighed.
"It's... certainly an ironic juxtaposition." Ozpin admitted.
"He really is insane, isn't he?" Emerald asked.
And the other half of the cast couldn't help but laugh at Sai's decision. "But hey, that just means that even in a place that's one big rotting corpse pile, it STILL smells better than the Fiver Bro's ass blasts!" Qrow laughed.
"So next time we pass by a bathroom someone FRESHLY used, we just need to plug our nose with some rotten meat, good to know." Coco said sarcastically, the less mature audience members bursting out laughing.
Sai simply shrugged at the question. "Honestly? A place reeking of death and decay STILL reeks less than Astera after what the Fiver Bro did to it. Besides, I'm a fire demon. Fire and Methane? Bad combo." The fire demon explained as the two sat down to relax.
But then, the tone changed REAL quick when Sai mentioned his dilemma. "Oh, yeah... When he puts it like that, it makes perfect sense." Blake admitted.
"If anything, his decision is the most responsible one he could make." Ren agreed.
"But you gotta admit, it's be fun to see him spark up and watch the EXPLOSIVE outcome." Roman said, the less mature of the group laughing along with him.
"Oh, jeez. Now I'm wondering... Do you think fire comes out every time Sai farts?" Neo asked, the immature ones now roaring in laughter.
"I can confirm, he does NOT. Thankfully. He'd never be allowed indoors." Katana explained.
An unknown Hunter was seen going through the Rotten Vale, coughing and cursing from the fumes. "Chemical Warfare. While one of the highest crimes in modern day human society, it has existed in the animal kingdom for millennia. From skunks unleashing a foul-smelling odor to sicken and ward off potential threats. Or the bombardier beetle: a nasty little insect that combines two chemicals in separate chambers in its abdomen, before unleashing them together in a violent spray of liquid, superheated to over 200 degrees." Sai introduced the concept of the day, while showing footage of a skunk and a beetle spraying their respective liquids.
"TWO HUNDRED degrees?! That's crazy!" Ruby said, shocked along with several others.
"And I thought bee stings were bad... Jaune said nervously.
"If it helps, because the spray is so quick, it can't do any serious lasting damage, unless it gets in your eyes or something." Razara told them.
"Still hardly something someone would want to just sit through." Adam said.
"Wouldn't even faze me." Hazel declared confidently.
The host was now in combat against a Viper Tobi-Kadachi. "And, of course, Plenty of monsters are practitioners of combat through chemicals. From the EXTENSIVE list of poisonous, paralytic or sleep-inducing monster, or our monster of today's discussion. Certainly one of the last creatures you'd expect to use chemical warfare, but underestimating a Congalala will have sickening consequences." The Sapphire Star revealed, showing off a massive and chunky gorilla-like monster with pink fur.
"Okay, I get it's a fart factory, but can you really call it 'chemical warfare'? I don't think anyone's ever died from being too close to someone who ripped a nasty one." Coco said with a raised eyebrow.
"Coco, do you have to say it like that?" Velvet said, a bit disgusted. "And maybe... monster farts are just THAT MUCH worse that they could be considered chemical warfare?" The bunny girl suggested.
"Maybe it could be something in their diet? Like how Poison Dart Frogs eat poisonous bugs, so they themselves become poisonous. We've seen this thing likes mushrooms. Plenty of those are poisonous. So maybe they make his backdoor blasts even more unbearable." Emerald theorized.
"How far have we fallen that we're actually THEORIZING about monkey farts?" Cinder groaned, trying to remember back when her presence demanded respect.
Akasha was now seen observing one of these apes at a safe distance. "So, I'm sure these creatures have already raised many questions, but before we get to them, we should address the smaller members of the species, the Congas." Sai explained, now showing his daughter fighting smaller versions of the beast. "So, as you can see, they are SOMEWHAT gorilla-like, although they have chubby, extended faces almost like a hippopotamus, as well as chubby bellies compared to the muscular units gorillas usually are. Not to mention, they have some nasty claws on the ends of their fingers. In addition, they also have tails and pink fur extending from their black skin, transitioning to yellow at the ends of their hands, feet and their messy head of hair. And finally, their hair is missing in certain spots, showing off their dark faces, chubby bellies... and rather prominent backsides, like certain species of baboons." The host listed the creature's features as Akasha circled the creatures to show off their mentioned characteristics.
"As strange as it is, I think it's pink fur is actually quite lovely." Pyrrha admitted.
"Indeed. They are quite vibrant, I can see the appeal to it." Penny agreed.
"And with the face, jaw and teeth of a hippo, I can only imagine they must have a devastating bite." Winter noted.
However, a few less mature members of the audience couldn't help but laugh at one particular feature. "Hehehe. Big butt. Just like a baboon!" Ruby giggled.
"That's some SERIOUS junk in the trunk." Roman agreed.
"Probably even bigger than Blake's." Ilia pointed out.
"Ilia!" Blake exclaimed indignantly.
The glaive-wielding Huntress now silently observed the small monsters. "Found in the Jungle, Swamp, Primal Forest, Sunken Hollow, Everwood and Kumbel Wetlands, the congas fill quite a few roles in the ecosystem. Usually alongside their troop leader, the Congalala, although some wander around on their own in small groups, they spend most of their day hunting delicious mushrooms to eat, although with their claws and fangs, they're perfectly capable of killing prey and eating meat. There's also the possibility that they are scavengers, cleaning up the corpses Large Monsters left behind. So, basically, they're omnivores that can eat anything. But, as they are on the smaller side themselves, without the protection of the Congalala, they're also prey items for those Large Monsters, as well as packs of small monsters like Velociprey and other raptors." The Dual Blades-User informed as Akasha used her glaive to launch herself over the beasts.
"That's an impressive number of environments their found in. They must be extremely adaptable." Ren said, impressed.
"And a very adaptable diet as well. From the sound of things, it should be next to impossible for them NOT to be able to find food." Ozpin added.
"That's a plus, at least. It means they should stay away from human civilizations. They have food options, so no need to steal ours." Ironwood said.
You clearly don't know enough about monkeys, general. There's a few cities in Mistral where monkeys absolutely terrorize the people because tourists fed them and now they expect food from humans. They have options, too, but they PREFER stealing from people." Adam noted, causing the general to pale.
"Wow. An input that doesn't involve fighting. Good job, Adam." Ilia said.
"I'm more than just violence, Ilia." The Bull Faunus insisted.
The Vampire-Demon hybrid continued to vault over the smaller ape-like creatures. "Intelligent and social creatures, usually calm in the presence of the Congalala, they are much more aggressive on their own, either as a defensive measure against potential predators or as opportunistic hunters. And they will attack fiercely to feed themselves or defend themselves with those gnarly claws, or by throwing their weight around, either by barreling into you at full speed." Sai explained as the monkeys attempted to attack Akasha, while she merely rolled out of the way, letting her Felynes do the fighting.
"Aww... That's kind of sweet that they're social and friendly with each other." Summer admitted.
"Most primates are. But like he said, that only applies when their boss is around. If not they're vicious. But I wouldn't mind seeing just how vicious they get. Them throwing their weight around wouldn't be too big of a problem to me." Hazel said with intrigue at the end.
"I don't think that's the part ANY of us were worried about." Weiss told him.
"You mean the claws?" Jaune asked.
"I think she means the... the farts..." Pyrrha said, blushing and turning away for even having to utter that statement.
The Insect Glaive-user now assisted in the fight, although she was mostly sending her Kinsect to attack the Congas, rather than personally fighting them. "But now, I'm sure you're wondering where the chemical warfare portion comes in. There aren't many poisonous mammals after all. And you'd be right, they aren't poisonous, but as I've mentioned in previous lore videos, if you stand out in nature, like the bright pink fur these guys have, it's usually a warning. And this is no different, for the Conga are able to use a cacophonous burst of noxious gas from their lower gastrointestinal region as a deterrent." The host informed as Akasha continued to refuse to get close to the beasts.
Caine was shown staring dumbfounded at Bubble, the ringmaster labeled "You" and the chain chomp labeled "Me" as crickets could be heard. "What?" Caine questioned, the explanation going right over his head.
Caine wasn't the only one who was confused. "…What?" The less intellectual members of the group asked alongside the demented ringmaster.
"Why does he have to make it sound so scientific?" Nora questioned.
"Yeah. Just spit it out already!" Neo yelled.
"At least he's TRYING to be professional about this... Or as professional as you can be when discussing such a vulgar subject." Glynda sighed.
"Eh. Professionalism is overrated, babe." Qrow told her.
Sai sighed at this as Akasha continued to avoid the monkeys. "Look, guys, I tried to sugarcoat it. There's no getting around it: they FART on you." Someone The host explained as one of the congas released a powerful burst of gas. "And the noxious fumes from this causes the targets throat to itch, making it difficult to eat, as well as soiling much edible equipment hunters have. Thankfully, we've developed deodorant bombs to counterattack this. They also work great on Brachydios' smile and Magnamalo's Hellfire... Don't ask me how that works." The Sapphire Star informed as Akasha used one of these bombs to cleanse her of the explosive slime, Cyra doing the same to purify herself of the Hellfire.
Weiss couldn't help but shiver as she witnessed a Conga let loose a fart. "I feel like I need to take a shower for just WATCHING that." She said, gagging a bit.
"How is it possible that it's even bad enough to contaminate food?!" Velvet asked in shock and disgust.
"To be fair, you wouldn't eat food if a skunk sprayed on it. Same concept. Only with gas instead of liquid." Cinder stated, although through an exasperated sigh.
But then, Weiss and the more uptight and/or neat freaks of the crowd looked at the deodorant bombs as if they were a gift from The Brothers themselves. "INGENIOUS! It's so simple, but it must be the most effective odor fighter IN THE WORLD to be able to remove said odors AND any contaminants with such minimal exposure!" The heiress said in awe.
"Truly marvelous! And if it can remove such disgusting fumes from a person, no doubt it can used as one would expect deodorant to be used, simply to remove unpleasant smells after a workout and such." Winter said, equally amazed, wishing they had this in Atlas for after workout sessions, especially in the locker room with the girls of the Ace-Ops.
"If only I had those around when Nora refuses to wash up." Ren said wistfully.
"It takes too long and keeps me from getting my food, Ren!" The hammer-wielding girl whined.
"But... How does it get rid of explosive slime from Brachydios? And ESPECIALLY Hellfire? How does DEODORANT get rid of a FIRE?!" Penny said, on the verge of short-circuiting.
"Perhaps this is YET ANOTHER thing it's best for us not to question for the sake of our sanity." Ironwood suggested.
"Huh. Now I wonder whose gas is worse, Congalala's... Or Blake's?" Yang wondered with a teasing smirk.
"Excuse me?!" Blake demanded, glowing red from blushing.
"Blake, don't even TRY to deny it. All that tuna puts WAY too much sulfur in your stomach. It only took ONE WEEK of dealing with your flatulence before I broke down and bought you charcoal-lined blankets and underpants." Weiss reminded her.
"And you had the AUDACITY to complain about Zwei's toots!" Ruby huffed with a pout.
"Okay, I get it..." Blake said, mortified at what her friends just revealed.
"You're lucky you could afford a solution. Back at our White Fang headquarters, we had to give Blake her own room while the rest of us shared the cramped barracks." Ilia told them.
"Stop..." Blake practically begged them.
They finally stopped for a moment, before... "You know I'm never letting you live this down, right?" Emerald asked her girlfriend teasingly.
"Kill me..." Blake groaned into a couch pillow.
Akasha finally slayed the rest of the stinky simians. "But, there isn't much else to say on the small ones, so let's move onto the big one." Sai declared as Akasha was now seen silently spying on the larger version of the beasts. "Visually, not too much different from the smaller versions, just much bigger, though their claws are notably WAY longer, now proper spikes that could probably pierce deep enough to do damage to even the largest monsters, a stylish cone-like hairstyle atop their head... And even bigger backsides. Not even Zhu Yuan is that caked up." The host exclaimed as all the creature's features were shown, especially its behind, before transitioning to a clip of a pair of female officers running from something, before stumbling through a strange portal and skidding to a stop, the taller officer bent over, causing her prominent booty to jiggle, before being zoomed in on, the words "property of Sai Blade" written across it.
Qrow let out a whistle at the sight of the female officer's backside. "Damn! Baby's got back~" The former drunk purred.
"Aww. He beat me to it…" Coco groaned.
Meanwhile Yang and the other immature cast couldn't help but laugh at the words printed on Zhu Yuan's butt. "Yeah, he definitely made the right choice putting his name on THAT cake." Emerald said, nodding in agreement with the marking.
Yang giggled and gently elbowed Blake in the side. "I think she's got you beat in the booty department, Blake-y." She teased.
"Not like I was ever TRYING to compete." She said.
"What is wrong with all of you?! You are laughing and gawking at a woman being exposed in such a degrading manner!" Winter snapped.
"Indeed. I really did expect better of you, Qrow." Ozpin said in disappointment.
The bad luck charm chuckled at this. "You shouldn't." He said.
"Honestly, what is wrong with that brother of yours, Katana? Such a sign, marking her as property? It's just wrong." Glynda said harshly, Winter nodding and giving a simple "Agreed".
Roman and Coco, however, rolled their eyes at the statements. "Jeez, will you two EVER stop being Karens?" Roman asked.
"Seriously, you guys are making it a WAY bigger deal than it really is. It's just a joke. Plus, it'll keep all the creeps at bay, because that sign tells them that babe is OFF LIMITS." Coco explained.
The Congalala was then seen wandering through the forest. "Found in many of the same regions AND MORE than the Conga, specifically the Jungle, Old Jungle, Flower Field, Forest and Hills, Primal Forest, Heaven's Mount," Sai began, before stopping to take a breath. "Sunken Hollow, Kumbel Wetlands, Everwood, Swamp, Jurassic Frontier and Ruined Ridge, Congalalas are nomadic with their troop of Conga, going wherever there's food. However, if they find an area particularly rich in food, they may choose to claim the region. And, being one of the few monsters with opposable thumbs, they can easily grasp fruit from the trees or other things predators without thumbs can't get. And they can use their claws to climb and swing from trees with almost the same ease as Kecha Wacha. So, yeah, as long as they can avoid predators like Abiorugu, Rathian, Khezu, Brute Tigrex, Plesioth, Nargacuga, Najarala and large predatory Elder Dragons, it's good times for Congalala." The Dual Blades-User explained as the Congalala sat down and scratched itself while yawning.
"Whoa. I know we already said it with the Congas, but it's AMAZING just how many option these guys have with their diet." Adam admitted.
"Yeah. They're practically the whole food chain." Neo agreed, impressed.
"I think you mean they fill every roll in the ecosystem, but you're not wrong." Summer said.
The monster's head was then focused on again, specifically it's little cone of hair. "Also, fun fact: like the Congas, they are very intelligent, to the point they've even figured out how to squeeze plants to paste to make hair gel, that's how they get that cute cone hair. And this cone shows their dominance above their Conga subordinates. And, should it get broken in a fight, depending on how good of a boss this Congalala was and to make its subjects loyal, they may or may not abandon their leader." Sai explained as Akasha dealt with the Congas again.
"Wow. That's actually kind of cool. All natural hair gel." Jaune said with intrigue.
"And without any extra harmful chemicals." Pyrrha said in approval. Before Pumpkin Pete came to sponsor her, her first offer for sponsorship was a shampoo company... where the founder was STRANGELY bald.
However, the mood soon soured when it was revealed what happens if the cone gets destroyed. "They'll abandon their leader just like that!? What cowards! Where's the loyalty!?" Ruby demanded furiously.
"If I were that monkey, if I made it out alive, I'd hunt down those deserters and crush them with the biggest belly flop I could." Cinder growled.
A Hermitaur then started to walk by, the Congalala tapping it with its tail until it dropped down defensively under its shell. "And, although they CAN be territorial, they're generally calm and curious as long as you just give them their space and don't do anything to startle them. And REALLY don't do that, because although they're on the much lower end of the food chain, these guys are still pretty capable when they need to be, even able to hold their own against a DEVILJHO for a short time." The Sapphire Star warned as, indeed, the pink monkey was briefly fighting the Violent Wyvern to a standstill.
To say the group was shocked would be an understatement. "He made it sound real low on the food chain. But it can fight something almost at the top of it!? That's insane!" Yang said in disbelief.
"Just because it's a prey animal doesn't mean it can't fight back. There's plenty of times zebras will fight back against lions." Emerald said, although she was still amazed.
"Guess that goofiness doesn't mean he can't get serious." Summer noted in approval.
"But, like he said, at least they're pretty chill if you give them their space, that's nice." Velvet pointed out.
"Yeah, I don't think any of us WANT to get close to one of them. No one wants to get farted on." Coco said.
A record scratch was heard as Aiden was shown. "Wait a minute! This was from back when I first became a Hunter, before I was even OFFICIAL! Sai, where did you get that footage?" The Excitable A-Lister asked his friend.
Sai was then shown next to him comrade. "Oh! Your Master, Julius, secretly had a team recording those particular exploits and sold the rights to Netflix. You should've been informed of this. Did you not get any of the royalties?" The Sapphire Star explained the situation.
Crickets were then heard as Aiden sat, processing this information. "That son of a bitch!" The flame-haired Hunter cursed as he realized his master weaseled him out of a serious payday.
The group couldn't help but laugh at this. "Sucks for that guy." Nora giggled.
"Should always keep an eye out for a camera crew." Ren agreed.
"What a mean master, though! Cheating his student out of his royalties!" Ruby pouted.
"He should've looked out for a movie about him and gotten some legal help to dispute the rights. But he let himself be oblivious. Nothing he can do now." Cinder said with a shrug.
The Congalala was shown messing with the Hermitaur again, lifting its shell and sniffing around it, until the Hermitaur lost its patience and pinched its nose. "ANYWAY, despite what I just said, they aren't COMPLETELY peaceful. Should their food supply run out, they may resort to gathering their pack and launching raids on other Congalala troops... or even human territories." The Sapphire Star warned as the Congalala thrashed around, ripping the Hermitaur from its nose, throwing it to the ground, fussing over its hurt nose a bit, then turning around and farting on it.
"So, what was that about it being chill?" Ironwood questioned.
"I'm amazed it ever GETS to that point. I thought we just went over that they eat EVERYTHING." Qrow pointed out.
"It's been known to happen, Qrow. perhaps- as he said- their food is stolen by a rival faction, or a drought kills plants, which both takes away some of their food options and forces herbivores to seek greener pastures, further reducing their food options." Ozpin told him.
Then, a few students couldn't help but feel sorry for the crustacean on the wrong end of the Fanged Beast. "Poor Hermitaur. That was rather unfortunate." Penny said.
"Right? How are YOU gonna mess with ME, then get mad when I do something about it?!" Neo asked, thinking back on when she was in school and pushed back against the Malachite sisters, only for them to make her situation FAR worse.
Akasha was now finally in combat with the beast. "So, similarly to their smaller subordinates, Congalala like to throw their weight around by barreling into their targets, or leaping high into the air for belly flops of doom. And they also use their claws for a combo of swiping attacks compared to the single swipes of their brethren, but their large bulk puts them off balance and they can wind up comically tripping and landing on their back. Although, their great weight makes this fall shake the very Earth and offset hunters who think they're gonna get some free hits. Fascinatingly, however, they are also able to expand their stomach muscles to shoot their gut outwards to send foes flying back, holding their guts tight for the next few moments to act as a nigh-impenetrable shield. And, of course, they can also fart on you to mess up your throat and contaminate your items. And, if they aren't holding anything in their tail, they'll even throw a wad of dung at you. Yeah, not a lot of hunters want to fight this guy up close." The Dual Blades-User warned as all these attacks were shown.
"Is he serious? It trips over itself from a few claw swipes? What a joke." Adam scoffed.
"But you gotta admit, it's kind of funny." Ilia giggled a bit.
"Plus, like he said, at least that fall causes a shockwave, so it's not a COMPLETELY free opening." Blake added.
"I like it can tighten its stomach like that as a form of defense. Those must be some impressive abs under that fat." Hazel admitted approvingly.
But then came the news of the feces flinging. While everyone was understandably grossed out, the neat freaks and prudes were absolutely horrified. "Disgusting..." Glynda gagged.
"I never want to be on the same KINGDOM as one of these things, let alone the same area." Winter said, turning a bit green.
"I'd never feel clean again." Ren said in horror.
Meanwhile, as one would expect, Weiss looked like she was on the verge of vomiting. "It literally throws its SHIT at you... I must erase this from my mind!" The heiress said, looking even more traumatized than the qurio video.
"Eww!" Ruby said in disgust.
"I mean, yeah, that's gross... but imagine if it was CARDIN getting hit with that." Nora said with a smirk, the more immature of the cast laughing a bit.
"I wouldn't mind seeing that." Jaune admitted.
The Congalala was shown sitting down, munching on a mushroom held in its tail. "Oh, yeah! Almost forgot about that! They can hold objects in their tails, usually snacks to munch on, like bones or mushrooms. With bones or blue mushrooms, they're capable of using enzymes in their stomachs to rapidly break down these food objects to heal themselves. This also gives them the rather shocking ability to alter their breath... or farts... with whatever type of mushroom they ate: fire from Nitroshrooms, paralysis Parashrooms and poison from Toadstool. And, in very rare cases, if they eat a rare pink mushroom- which can grow bigger than a human, BTW- their breath and gas become FAR deadlier, longer-reaching and EXPLOSIVE." Sai warned as the Congalala let out a breath of fire Akasha narrowly avoided.
"Wow, okay! That's actually pretty cool! It's almost like us using Dust!" Yang said, amazed.
"Except we don't eat Dust. And no one here should try." Ozpin pointed out, giving a warning look to the more reckless members of the group.
"And even if we did, hopefully the effects wouldn't happen like that. I'd rather now let one rip and set my pants on fire." Qrow chuckled.
"Still, that does give them some impressive versatility." Adam noted.
"And adds an element of mystery when fighting them." Hazel said, becoming interested in fighting the pink monkey.
The Glaive-wielding Huntress now went on the offensive against the ape. "So, how should you handle a Congalala if they get a little grumpy and gassy? Well, despite being able to eat Nitroshrooms and breathe fire, they are also weak to fire, so be sure to turn up the heat. Similarly, they are also not immune to poisons and paralysis despite eating mushrooms with those properties, so if you leave drugged or tainted meat lying around, the gluttons may give up the fight and go for it, subsequently getting drugged by whatever you tainted the meat with, kind of like Deviljho. And, as previously mentioned, if they're holding something in their tail to snack on and heal, you can attack their tail to break it and their treat to prevent any healing. Just be aware this allows them to fling their poop at you. So, deal with them healing or get shit thrown at you LITERALLY. I saw let them heal, personally..." The host advised as Akasha used tainted meat to paralyze the pink gorilla.
"Makes sense. Lighting up farts never goes too well." Roman said, earning a good mix of laughter and disgusted groans.
"Still, weird that they're not immune to poison and paralysis when they EAT things that have those properties." Pyrrha pondered.
"Likely the stomach acid neutralizes their effect. Sai did say the enzymes in their stomachs break them down quickly." Penny reasoned.
"Either way, at least we can get a leg up with the spiked meat, that's helpful." Blake said.
"I have to agree with Sai, however. Best to make sure they ALWAYS have something in their tail." Winter said urgently, wanting to ensure a wad of dung would never be thrown her way.
Akasha was then seen wearing an outfit lined with pink fur. "As for the armor, it's quite nice, stylish with a bit of flair, yet also functional. It's still a monster relatively low on the food chain, so it's not made from the most high quality materials like the finest metals or anything, but it will still do a decent job protecting you and you'll look good while you're out on the hunt. And really, what more can you ask for?" Sai questioned as Nasai was seen in a green version of the armor as well.
"Looks like something I'd see somebody wearing at an... ALTERNATIVE bar." Qrow said.
"Eh. I think it's pretty good. Gives it kind of a raw, tribal style." Coco said approvingly.
"The green version pops pretty nice, too. I think it'd look good with your skin tone, Emerald." Ilia said, causing the illusionist to blush.
Akasha was now observing the Congalala again from a safe distance. "And so, that is the Congalala, one of the strangest creatures known to the Guild- which is saying something, with the crazy monsters we've seen- but also one of the most interesting. And, as I said before, being able to fill SO many roles in the ecosystem, they're a vital part of the environment. Just as long as we can keep them out of human settlements... and keep a lot of air fresheners around. However, we're not done with our stinky simian quite yet, as there's a few more versions, such as the Emerald Congalala." Sai introduced the next version of the monster as Nasai was seen riding on the green gorilla.
"Ooh, Emerald, look! They named a fart-y monkey after you." Neo giggled.
Emerald rolled her eyes at this. "It's just an extra title to its name. Doesn't mean it's named after me." Emerald told her.
"Definitely fits better in a jungle setting. Green blends with green better than BRIGHT PINK." Cinder noted.
The Pompadoured Rider now strolled around on the back of the farting Fanged Beast. "At first glance, it may seem no different than a regular Congalala... And it isn't, actually. It's a normal Congalala that SOMEHOW dyed its hair in order to impress a pack of Conga into making it their leader. Probably in the same way it used plant juices as hair gel. However, they're common enough that they're considered a subspecies. And, I suppose there is differences between them. For instance, they are usually found in different regions, such as the Ancestral Steppe and Great Forest, but also found in similar locations, like the swamp, Old Jungle, Sunken Hollow and Everwood. Also, while still curious like the original, they are a good bit more aggressive, as well as more opportunistic feeders, eating anything from Hermitaur to carrion to TREES. And they're a lot bolder than the originals, only really having to worry about Rathalos and Khezu." The host explained as his son fought alongside the Emerald Congalala.
"First hair gel, now fur dye? These guys are geniuses!" Jaune said in amazement.
"Maybe we can get a couple of these guys and have them help us make some gel and dye to sell, too?" Coco suggested to Neo, who nodded.
"Better make sure you sell some perfumes, too." Roman told them.
"I'm more impressed how it added rotten meat and trees to its diet." Winter said, surprised.
"That gives it an even greater edge for survival than it already had. Not bad." Hazel said approvingly.
"Also impressive how it only has TWO main threats, whereas the pink one had a whole shopping list of enemies." Adam added.
The gassy gorilla unleashed a breath of fire that contended with a Deviljho's Dragon Breath. "And, as usual, we have the standard affair with subspecies: bigger and stronger, but whatever they did to dye their hair also affected their elemental resistances. They're far more resistant to fire, but have strangely gained a weakness to ice. And with the rest of them being stronger, their gas has also gotten an upgrade. A fart from these bad boys can send a hunter flying, or even knock them out. Like the night after a non-specific taco restaurant." The Dual Blades-User explained as Nasai and his Emerald Congalala charged forward, the Rider throwing mushrooms for his Monstie to eat, before it stopped, turned and unleashed a burst of gas powerful enough to bring down a Gammoth.
"Why would a dye job make them weak to ice?" Yang asked.
"Well, plants die because water in their cells freeze and destroy their cell walls. Perhaps the cells dying causes harm to the Congalala, or simply covering itself with the gel causes it to absorb into their fur, giving it similar properties and therefor weaknesses." Penny theorized.
"Wow. Farts strong enough to knock someone out... That means they're as bad as Blake's." Ruby giggled.
"Can we PLEASE stop making those jokes!?" Blake complained.
"I'm just happy I'M not the butt of the joke anymore." Weiss sighed in relief.
A picture of a Congalala with golden fur was then shown. "And finally, there was a rumored second subspecies, the Gold Congalala. Unfortunately, not much is known about them, as they were only recently discovered around Esther Lake, a region which has been destroyed do to a surplus of disastrously powerful monsters running amok. But what we did know was they were far more aggressive, even savage, best known for attacking other Congalalas to take over their troops. And they were ferocious enough to take on some serious heavy hitters found in that region, such as Hypnocatrice, Yian-Garuga and even the mighty Estrellian." Sai declared as Akasha was fighting an unnaturally strong version of the normal Congalala in place of the gold one.
"A gold one, huh? Not bad-looking. The blue accents are pretty." Velvet noted.
"Too bad we'll never get to see one, though. That's sad they went extinct." Pyrrha said sympathetically.
"But doesn't Esther Lake sound familiar to anyone?" Ren questioned.
And they got their answer when they heard the monsters the Fanged Beast fights. "It can actually fight Estrellian? That's insane!" Cinder said in disbelief.
"Estrellian is practically an Elder Dragon! What did this thing DO to get THAT HIGH on the food chain?!" Summer questioned.
Nasai was now seen in combat against an Emerald Congalala. "So, obviously, the Gold Congalala was even bigger and even stronger than either of the other subspecies, but their biggest claim to fame was their diet of a special mushroom found only around Esther Lake that kicked their gas up to eleven, lingering far longer than most other Congalalas. In addition, these mushrooms must not sit well in their stomach, as they were often seen leaving trails of dung behind them as they made their way through an area. Which no doubt makes the area a bit more hazardous to step in." The host groaned in disgust as the Congalala was shown with the Hermitaur on its nose again, before throwing it down and farting on the poor crab creature once again.
Many quickly grew green as Sai revealed the Congalala's claim to fame. "Sorry I asked..." Summer groaned, covering her mouth.
"This thing is somehow more sickening than the others." Weiss said in dread. "Thank goodness they were wiped out." She said.
"WHOA!" Everyone exclaimed in scolding disapproval.
"Weiss! I admit, I'm just as repulsed by these monkeys as you are, but NO species deserves to be wiped out!" Winter snapped.
"Well... except the Qurio, but that's a given." Tekko said.
One final time, Nasai was roaming on the back of his Emerald Congalala. "And, with that, we have finally reached the end of our information on the Congalala. Once again, while they are a little gross, they're also fascinating in the way they work, as well as essential members of the ecosystem. Not to mention, they're another great example of not to judge a book by its cover, as they can be peaceful one moment, then scrap with a Deviljho the next. And honestly, I'd rather have these guys stinking up the jungle than the Qurio or Shagaru Magala running around, causing plagues. With all the horrific monsters out there that can lead you to a grisly demise, sometimes a little farty monkey is just what we need for a little comic relief." Sai finished as Akasha stood over a Congalala sleeping on its back, scratching its belly.
Even the most prudish of the cast had to admit the merit behind Sai's closing argument. "He does make a good point. A flatulent monkey is harmless when compared to plague-level monsters." Glynda admitted.
"Indeed. And while such humor is rather childish, I suppose there is nothing necessarily wrong with it." Ozpin agreed.
"Just as long as it stays as far from me as possible." Ironwood said.
"Well, the green ones at least hate the cold, so you Atlas popsicles should be fine." Qrow assured him.
"Well, what did you think?" Katana asked.
"I knew we already saw these guys A LONG time ago from that clip of one farting on that poor crab. I wasn't a big fan back then. But after learning more about them, they're kind of growing on me. They're kind of cute in a silly, nasty way. And I like that they're a mix of a chubby gorilla, hippo and baboon. And I really like their cone hair." Ruby admitted.
"Yeah, gotta admit, they know how to style themselves. And it's pretty clever of them, making hair gel out of just plants." Coco agreed.
"I mean, I'm NEVER gonna fight one myself, but I think they're pretty cool, it's growing on me. And I'd LOVE to watch someone else fight them. Especially that Neon Katt girl." Yang said with a smirk, imagining the annoying cat Faunus rollerskating right into a fart cloud.
"Yeah. They're nothing wrong with them being gassy. That just makes them funnier!" Nora giggled.
"They certainly bring a lot more to the table than I was expecting. But I'd prefer to stay far away from that table." Penny said.
"So, would you want them-" Katana began, before being interrupted.
The interruption? Weiss zipping in front of her and dropping to her knees dogeza style. "PLEASE, O mighty, wise and generous Katana! Please do not put those wretched apes on Remnant!" Weiss begged the hostess.
Before she was pulled to her feet by Winter. "Weiss! You are a Schnee! No matter how much you despise these creatures, you are above such SHAMEFUL begging!" She snapped, before sighing. "But at least it was more dignified than some others." She said under her breath, remembering Ironwood's begging for Rakna-Kadaki not to be added to Remnant.
Katana thought for a moment, before finally giving her answer. "I'll think about it." She said, Weiss' eyes widening at not getting an immediate 'no'. "But when I do... I won't tell you!" The hostess declared with a smirk.
Weiss exploded in rage at this. "WHAT?! Why do you insist on tormenting us like this!? And how are we supposed to know if that DAMNED monkey is in our world if you don't TELL US!?" The heiress demanded in absolute fury.
But Katana's smirk only grew at this. "If you run into one in the wild~" She teased, causing Weiss to become even paler than she already was.
She honestly looked even more traumatized than she was from the Qurios. "What will I do if I one day encounter one when hunting Grimm?" She asked in horror.
"Bring nose plugs." Razara said simply with a shrug.
"Gas masks!" Tekko called out her suggestion.
Summer, meanwhile, was appalled at Katana's treatment of her daughter's 'bestie'. "You're really sick, you know that?" She asked the hostess.
Katana raised an eyebrow, puzzled at this. "What's your point?" She asked in confusion. Summer and the rational members sweatdropped at how she didn't even deny it, almost like she was actually PROUD of it.
"I'm suddenly terrified of our future..." Weiss sighed.
"And I'm LOVING our future!" Yang whispered to the other trolls of the cast, who quietly giggled.
"Got that right. Ice Princess is gonna lose her mind." Coco snickered.
Weiss sighed again at her friends' merriment at her misfortune, making her way back to her seat... only for a LOUD fart sound to be hear once she sat down. "What?!" Weiss yelped with embarrassment, jumping back to her feet with an embarrassed look on her face... only to see a deflated whoopee cushion in her seat, to which the immature members of the group ROARED with laughter. Even Glynda, Ozpin and Ironwood had to hold back small chuckles, mostly from Weiss' reaction.
"Hold it... Cannot let the see..." Summer said, desperately holding back her laughter, not wanting her daughters and ESPECIALLY Qrow, to know she actually found toilet humor funny.
"How DARE any of you prank my little sister!" Winter snapped at the group... although she was clearly fighting a smirk.
Weiss meanwhile, NOT in the mood, asks with thick venom "Okay, WHO'S the deadman?! Cause I do NOT need this right now!" Weiss demanded, thick venom in her voice. The pranksters of the group merely gave an innocent shrug, halos appearing above their heads.
Seeing she wouldn't get an answer, Weiss just sighed and took her seat again, this time making sure there was no whoopee cushion before she sat.
Neo the leaned over to Emerald. "Think you can make illusions of the monsters?" She asked.
"Should be possible. Why?" The former thief asked.
Neo gained an evil grin on this. "Because after Katana puts the monsters on the planet, you can make an illusion of Congalala to freak out the Ice Princess." The former mute explained.
It was Emerald's turn to smirk now. "I love the way your mind works. You're an evil genius." She giggled.
"Well, if we DO get them on Remnant, I hope we get a snow version of them. I'd love to see them huck a few wads of crap at your fancy Ace-Ops, Jimmy." Qrow said, to which Ironwood sighed.
"So, what's next. And please tell me it's not another massive headache." The general requested.
"Well... It might be a headache for YOU, since it's most likely gonna wind up in Atlas." Katana began, already earning a groan from the tin man. "But after the nastiness Congalala put you through, I think you'll find Somnacanth to be a breath of fresh air." The hostess told them, starting the next video.
[1] Obviously, the Remnant version of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Justice For All. The Huma is the name for a phoenix in a different language. But seriously, watch a playthrough, that first killer, Richard Wellington? When he has his breakdown, he broke down HARD. Genuinely acting like a cartoon character... Freaking hilarious!