CRACK! CRACK CRACK!

He was desperate.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

He was anguished.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

He was distressed.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

He had to make the drumming stop.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRUNCH!

?: "There…it stopped now."

October 17th, 2009

Naru woke up the next morning a little later than usual. His recent victory over the Oe Cult made him feel a bit more confident than usual, so he could afford to sleep a little bit more. He still couldn't believe it, though. With Saber's help, the Infinite Path had defeated an entire gang, and not only that, they defeated them in their entirety.

Naru smiled as he continued to cook breakfast. Suddenly, Touka leaped out from behind a wall and shot an imaginary anime attack.

Touka: "Gum-Gum…uh…breakfast sneak attack!"

Touka threw a yo-yo out of her hand, which hit Naru on the back of his head.

Naru: "Ow! Touka, stop it! I'm trying to cook breakfast."

Touka: "But I want you to play with me!"

Naru: "Do you want your hashbrowns to get burned?"

Touka: "Well, no…"

Naru: "There you go."

Soon, breakfast was ready, and the two began to eat their hashbrowns. As they were eating, Naru noticed something peculiar.

Naru: "Say…where's Saber?"

Touka: "Oh! She left earlier. She said she had something important to go to."

Naru: "Hmmm, that's odd. I thought she was the type to not leave their master unprotected."

Touka: "Maybe she trusts Bigfoot to keep us safe."

Naru: "That's probably it."

Once they were finished with breakfast, they went on to work on Touka's flute lessons. She stood in front of a stand holding her flute while Naru flipped through the pages of musical notes.

Naru: "Alright, let's try….this one."

He placed a sheet of music on the stand while Touka waited for Naru to give the order to start playing.

Naru: "3, 2, 1, and…begin!"

As soon as her lips were brought to the flute, an enchanting melody filled the air. Naru closed his eyes as he listened to the music, and the feeling it brought him was indescribable. The sound that he heard made him feel like he was in a fairy tale while butterflies danced around him. It was as if the very wind itself had become warm with the smell of a freshly baked pie. To put it simply, the sound that came out of her flute wasn't music…

…it was art

As soon as Touka was finished, she looked at Naru, seeking his approval.

Touka: "O-Onii-chan? Did I do good?"

Naru: "It was beautiful, as always. It's like I have my very own Mozart in my house!"

Touka: "Thank you Onii-chan!"

Naru: "You're welcome! Now, if you will excuse me, I need to check on Brook to see how she's doing. You can continue your flute lessons in the meantime."

Touka: "Ok!"

Naru: "Good girl!"

He patted her head and went out the door.

When he arrived at Brooks' camp, he was surprised to find it empty.

Naru: "That's odd. I wonder where she went?"

Worried that something might have happened to her, he decided to walk around the woods to look for her. As he was searching for her, he heard something peculiar.

"…country roads, take me home…"

It was singing, but it was sloppy.

"...to the place, I belong…."

The voice singing it cracked in several places and went off-tune.

"...West Virginia, Mountain Mama…"

It was a far cry from the majestic flute music Touka was capable of.

"...Take me home, country roads!"

That confirmed it. It was Brook singing. Naru was pissed. What was she doing? Did she think she could just ruin his day with her terrible singing?

Naru: "Not on my watch!"

He angrily stomped through the forest towards the nearby waterfall, where the singing appeared to be coming from.

Naru: "I swear, once I get my hands on that dumbass I'm gonna-"

He froze. He completely and utterly froze both physically and mentally. It was like his brain had turned off for a split second, and that was for a good reason. Right in front of him, Brook was washing herself beneath the waterfall…completely naked.

It made sense. Brook had been living in the woods for a few days now, and she probably hadn't cleaned herself in a while. But that still didn't take away from the fact that she was naked right in front of him! Luckily, she didn't seem to know he was there due to the running water and the fact that her eyes were closed to not get shampoo in them. On the rock next to her, she had all the various soaps that she used to wash herself.

Naru was speechless. Other than a few porn magazines in his room, this was the first time he had seen a woman naked and was completely spellbound by her, or more specifically, a certain part of her.

Naru: "HER TITS ARE MASSIVE!"

Naru was amazed at how huge her breasts were. He always knew that she was above average in terms of her cup size, but seeing her boobs uncontained without her clothes took his breath away. They were almost the size of her head, so big that Naru doubted he could even fit one in his hand. The best part was that they were perfectly round and didn't sag too much. To put it simply, Naru thought they were the best pair of breasts he had ever seen.

Naru: "They're…amazing! Though that bares the question, how tight does she wear her bra to keep THOSE contained?"

Before he could finish his thoughts, Brook's hand reached out to the nearby rock and grabbed a bar of soap. She rubbed it between her hands and started to clean herself. Her hands glided over her breasts, scrubbing and squeezing them until they were covered in bubbles. She stroked up her legs starting at the feet and ending with her plump butt which she cleaned similarly to her breasts. Finally, she stroked down her stomach, gliding over her flat belly until she reached in between her legs, where she began to scrub, her pubic hair turning white from all the soap. She let out deep breaths as she accidentally stimulated herself while washing.

Naru left at this point. Not only because he realized he was intruding on Brook's privacy but to stop himself from getting a nosebleed. If there was one thing he learned from this encounter, it was that Brook, despite her low intelligence and weird antics, was a VERY attractive woman.

Naru: "Holy shit, that was intense! Imagine what would've happened if someone caught me in the act!"

As soon as he thought that, he felt a clawed hand grip his shoulder.

Bigfoot: "You were at the waterfall…weren't you!"

Naru: "Aww crap!"

It was the one person(?) he didn't want to encounter. Knowing Bigfoot was super protective of Brook, he knew he was going to be killed for sure. Without Artoria to protect him, he was pretty much screwed. The best he could do was talk his way out.

Naru: "Listen Assassin, this really isn't what it looks like. I was-"

Bigfoot: "I know. You were concerned for Brook's safety and ended up stumbling onto her at an unfortunate moment. I can understand that."

Naru: "S-See? I knew you'd understa-"

Bigfoot: "However, you still invaded my master's privacy. That is not something that can be easily forgiven. I'll let you off the hook this time, but if you ever do something like that again, I will not hesitate to rip your spine from your body. Understand?"

Naru: "Y-Yes sir!"

Bigfoot: "Good."

He let go of Naru's shoulder and walked back into the woods. Naru learned two more important lessons that day. One, Assassin is scary, so don't piss him off. Two, when you hear someone singing, ignore it.

Once Touka was finished with her flute lessons and Brook was done washing herself, The two went to Izo's store to check up on Taro. On the way there, Naru snuck a few quick glances at Brook's rack before turning away.

Naru: "Shit! I can't stop thinking about seeing her bathing like that. I need to distract myself from these damn tits!"

Brook: "Um…Naru? Are you okay? You look a little distracted."

Naru: "Hmm? Y-Yeah, I'm fine. I just…have a lot on my mind at the moment."

Brook: "Well, I hope it's about shopping, 'cause that's what I'm doing today!"

As soon as the two of them entered the store, Brook skipped along down the iles, singing something about cotton candy. With nothing else to do, Naru decided to join her and look for some lightbulbs, since the lights in his house were starting to dim. Once he had found what he was looking for, went up to the cashier to check out, only to find a familiar face operating the cash register.

Naru: "SABER!?"

Sitting right in front of him, was Artoria wearing a green apron and a nametag with her name (servant class) on it.

Artoria: "Good evening sir. Is this what you want to order?"

Naru: "Cut the crap! First off, when did this happen? And second of all, why?"

Artoria: "To answer your question, I just got this job yesterday. While you and the others were reporting to Taro, I talked with Mr. Izo and he agreed to give me this job."

Naru: "And he gave it to you just like that?"

Artoria: "Yes he did. Izo is quite a generous and kind man. As for why I'm doing this…well…I felt bad for that man who hung himself. While I couldn't save him, the least I can do is work myself in his name as a way to honor his death."

Naru was stunned. As someone who had seen nothing but violence for most of his life, he had never seen this level of kindness before. Artoria was willing to do something like this for a man she never knew.

Naru: "To be able to do this much for someone they never met…is it possible for everyone else to do the same?"

Artoria: "Naru? What's wrong?"

Naru: "It's nothing. I was just…thinking about some stuff."

Brook: "Excuse me!"

Brook suddenly came up to the counter with a pile of random items.

Brook: "I would like to buy this mountain of stuff."

Artoria put the prices of the items in the calculator.

Naru: "Do you even know what you're doing?"

Artoria: "Yes, I have had experiences managing Camelot's finances during my reign as king. However, I did stop doing it after Agrivain insisted on doing the duties himself. Alright, Brook, your purchase comes to around ¥4000."

Brook froze and looked down at her wallet in embarrassment.

Brook: "So…how much is that?"

Artoria: "That would be around $25 in the U.S., not that it matters because we don't accept American dollars in this place."

Brook looked at Naru with pleading eyes.

Naru: "Don't look at me. I'm not buying that shit."

Brook: "I'll go put this stuff back." *sob*

Later, after all their money-based shenanigans, they went to meet up with Taro, who was sitting at his desk holding a cigarette. The atmosphere was two Once everyone was seated, he made his announcement.

Taro: "Alright, thank you all for coming. Once again, congratulations on your defeat of the Oe Cult. With our successful victory over their forces, I think it is time to tackle some bigger fish. Our next target is going to be the Silver Tongue, a gang made up of dead apostles."

Brook: "Dead apostles?"

Taro: "Vampires."

Brook: "Vampires are real!?"

Naru: *sigh* "Yes Brook, vampires are real! Just like how giraffes and zebras are real!"

Brook: "ZEBRAS ARE REAL!?"

Naru: "I…have you been living under a rock this whole time?"

Artoria: "To be fair, I didn't realize zebras were real either until the grail told me."

Taro: "Excuse me, how long are you planning to talk during the meeting?"

Artoria: "Oh, my apologies."

Taro: "No problem. Moving that aside, thanks to Urasawa's hard work, we were able to figure out the location of their current base of operations."

Rei: "Good! Tell us where they are so we can go in there and kick their asses!"

Taro looked at the paper with a worried expression on his face.

Naru: "Taro? Where is it?"

Taro: "Tokubetsu. It's located at Tokubetsu."

Naru: "..."

Rei: "..."

Brook: "Um….guys? Hey Yui, what's up with those two?"

Yui: "Tokubetsu is rather, nostalgic to these two. It is the elementary school the two used to go to."

Artoria: "I don't understand. If it's merely the place they used to get their education, why do they look so tense?"

Yui: "You see, five years ago, a school shooting called 'The Elementary Massacre' took place there, one so violent and bloody that it led to Naru and Rei being the only survivors."

Hello lads and lassies! Lancer here! Happy Saint Patrick's Day! I can't believe there's an entire holiday named after me! Who woulda thought this old man would be famous enough to have his own holiday! Anyway, I hope y'all been enjoyin the story so far!

Hmm? What's that? Saint Patrick's Day is already over? NOW YA TELL ME!