"Yale? Are you sure? You want to go to Yale?" Rory was sitting in her daughter's room still in shock at finding the pro con list her daughter had made for colleges. If it wasn't for the handwriting she would have sworn it was her own pro con list from her teenage years. But it was her daughter's handwriting listing all the reasons she had decided to accept the place at Yale.
"Yes. Look I made a list." Rae pointed at the page to emphasize her point.
"I can see you've made a list but are you really sure?" There was something about this decision that Rory wasn't happy about.
"Yes. You went there didn't you? Is there a problem with it or something? Am I not allowed to go places you've been?" Rae was getting annoyed now, Rory knew that much.
"Of course you can. I just want you to be sure it's what you want. Its a big decision."
"I know it is. That's why I made the list. I'm sure. I already sent the confirmation letter."
"Why didn't you talk to me about it first?" Rory tried to pretend she wasn't hurt by this statement. Of course they were close but it wasn't the same as the relationship Rory had with her own mother, she knew her daughter didn't tell her everything but she had expected her to discuss the big things with her.
"I didn't realize I had to."
"Do you have everything packed?" Rory asked her daughter as she looked at the bursting cars in the driveway.
"Yes. I couldn't get the kitchen sink out of the worktop so I have just packed the whole kitchen, you wont miss it anyway will you?" Rae joked as she heaved the final bag onto the backseat of her car.
"Very funny. Seriously though, did you leave me anything in the house?"
"Yeah Mom, I'm going to college though, I do need all this."
"The rooms aren't that big there you know?"
"I'll manage. I just need to make a stop on the way to get some more notebooks."
"More notebooks? You've got a whole suitcase full of them and another full of pens, you don't need any more!"
"I'll see you there Mom." Rae hugged her Mom and then jumped into the drivers seat of the car and headed out of the drive.
Rory just stood there and looked after her for a moment, that was it. Her little girl was all grown up and off to college. She should be sharing this moment with someone else. It had been a while since Rory had felt like this, like there was something missing. Someone missing. When Rae was a baby Rory had that feeling all the time, when she was born, all the sleepless nights, her first tooth, her first step, her first word, the first time she opened a book herself, the first time she jumped in the pool, the first time she asked about her Dad, her first day at nursery, then school and now college. Just because the milestones were getting further apart didn't make it any easier, if anything it was harder, less firsts. Now there were more lasts, the last time she had asked about her dad, the last time she asked for help with her homework, the last time she had crawled into Rory's bed in the middle of the night. Rory took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. She regretted it. She should've told him but as the time went on it was just impossible. She went back into the house and poured herself a coffee. She still had plenty of time to get to Yale before her daughter, she knew Rae wasn't really getting notebooks.
It had been years since Rory had been back to Yale. She had done her best to keep a distance as much as possible but it was her daughter's first year there and since there wasn't anyone else who could attend the parents weekend the duty once again landed on Rory.
She stood in the queue to get her parents pack and name badge anxiously fidgeting with her jacket and looking around. She wasn't sure what she was looking for but just being on campus made her feel like she was in her early 20's again.
Of course she had moved her daughter into her freshman dorm a few months ago but that had been on the edge of campus. Now she was standing right at the entrance feeling worse than the freshman she was meeting for lunch. The freshman who was conveniently caught up in an extra credit lecture instead of welcoming her Mom.
"Hi, welcome to parents weekend. Is it your first time?" the over eager student behind the table greeted her as she arrived at the front of the queue.
"Hi, no. Umm yes. First time as a parent. I'm an alumna."
"Great, well welcome back. Here's your name badge and parents weekend welcome pack. Its got the schedule of the weekend's events, the welcome breakfast has just started in the main cafeteria and you'll find a map at the back of your pack incase you need it. Have a lovely time."
"Yeah, thanks. You too."
"Go Bulldogs!"
"Yeah, go Bulldogs,"
Rory picked up her pack and headed to the nearest bench. Why hadn't she waited until later to turn up? Why hadn't the traffic been worse? Why hadn't she asked her Mom to join her? It was crazy, even into her 50's she still needed her Mom for these things.
She shook that thought from her head as she made herself look busy by opening the welcome pack, skimming over the history, information and welcome messages taking up the first 3 pages before memorizing the itinerary for the weekend highlighting the events she planned to attend, she still never left the house without a highlighter and 3 pens in her purse. How many a cappella groups did one campus need? Once she had written her name on her badge, made a mental note of the lectures she wanted to attend and planned the best route between classrooms she closed the file and looked around. It was as though everything had been frozen for all this time, it all looked the same. She could practically hear Paris going on about the paper or the fact the cafeteria had run out of Coco Pops again and would it really be too much to ask them to ditch the cornflakes, no one ever went for those, with all the brain power in Yale no one could make the suggestion to put an extra dispenser of Coco Pops in the breakfast buffet. Rory smiled to herself and walked over to the entrance, as she stepped over the threshold her muscle memory took over and she found herself walking towards the newsroom.