"You are too distracted," Bastila said after she easily disarmed Talan for the second time.
It had been a week since the Council agreed to take Talan in as an apprentice, and his training had been as intense as it was quick. From dusk until dawn, Talan was in the academy training in everything from history, to combat techniques, to meditation. There was a mountain of information thrown at him every day, and it was not long until Talan felt as if he was drowning.
He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing in frustration. Try as he might, he could not seem to clear his mind enough to focus on his training.
"You must learn to clear your mind," she said, tossing his blade back to him. Her voice held an understanding tone rather than a chiding one.
She had proven to be a valuable asset to him over the last few weeks, answering his questions and guiding him wherever he needed. He had come to develop an appreciation for her, something he never would have dreamed of after their first encounter. He did not know if it was the bond they shared; he still did not fully understand it or how it worked. But he had come to see her as something of a confidant, able to speak to her of things the others would not be able to understand.
"I feel like I'm going crazy." Talan finally confessed.
"I know it can seem overwhelming." Bastila replied.
"It's not just the training," Talan admitted. "It's these dreams, or visions or whatever they are. I am not just seeing Revan; I am Revan. The feeling is so intense that I can no longer feel myself because Revan has completely taken over. I can feel his anger, his hatred, his lust for power and it scares the hell out of me because as Revan, I like that feeling."
Bastila bit her lip as a rush of guilt rose up within her. When the Council had first decided on this course of action to reprogram Revan, she had seen the wisdom in it, she still did to a point. But now, seeing how it affected him, she wondered if the consequences of such an action were truly worth it.
She had begun to feel closer to him over the last week, though rather it was the bond they shared or something else she could not be sure. But somewhere along the way, she found it harder to look at him as the former dark lord.
"Before Taris, everything was fine, Talan continued. "There were no visions, no force powers, no Revan. I was just a soldier. But now..." his voice trailed off as he sighed sadly.
"The Force is...complicated," Bastila offered somewhat lamely. "It could be that you are so strong in the Force that whatever dark power is held within those ruins triggers your natural abilities."
"But what about you?" Talan asked. "You defeated Revan, wouldn't it make sense for you to dream of him? Why me? I have never even seen him, so why am I dreaming that I am him?"
"I..I'm not sure."
Talan clenched his jaw nodding slightly. She could sense the disappointment and confusion within him.
He deserves answers.
For the first time, she felt herself longing to tell him the truth of things. Maybe it was a result of the bond they shared, but she could sense his fear and confusion and it made her chest tighten with guilt. His entire identity was a lie, and there was no way to tell which memories were his and which were the memories of the man he had been programmed as. It was becoming harder and harder to associate him with Revan, and she found herself feeling conflicted about what to do with these feelings.
She tried to call upon the force to calm her, but for the first time since she could remember, it did nothing to help her.
"Come on." She said, raising her blade. She silently chided herself as she heard the regret in her own voice. "Try to push these things from your mind."
Are you saying that to him, she thought
or to you?